Date: Wed, 9 Mar 2011 19:40:57 -0600 From: Aaron Saxon Subject: Afraid to Tell The following story is completely fictional, but will contain gay themes such as masturbation and sex between two young boys. If this sort of thing offends you, you are under 18 or it is illegal to read such things where you are, please leave now; otherwise enjoy. I retain all copyrights to this story, so it cannot be copied or posted without my permission. And I will accept any comments about it, you can email me at a.saxon1122@gmail.com Hi, my name is Stephen Matthews and I'm 12 years old. I have short cut, brown hair and blue/grey eyes. I have a pretty slim build, with a little baby fat still left, but it kinda fits me. I'm going into sixth grade this year and for some reason I'm kinda scared about it. One thing I don't like is I'll have to start changing in gym class. I've never had to do that before, except at the local pool with my buddy Mark. His last name is Samuel, he is also 12 years old and we've been friends for 6 years. He has blonde hair that's a little shaggy, which is really cute on him and these beautiful emerald green eyes. He also has a killer smile that always makes me light up with my own toothy grin. Anyway, recently my hormones have been going into overdrive, but I guess that's pretty normal. My mother gave me the bird and the bees talk and a few of the older kids were talking about a sex ed class being given to all sixth graders. I kept my horror about it to myself, but I was dreading it. While every other boy I knew seemed to be noticing the girls in our class, I was busy noticing the boys in our class. It made me nervous and caused me to withdraw because I heard some boys use the word `fag' or `gay' and that they'd beat someone up for being that way. Thankfully, Mark stayed clear of those boys, but he started to notice how I seemed to be sweating a lot or nervous all the time. He asked me more than once what was wrong, but I always told him nothing. He seemed to let it drop, thank god, but I knew I couldn't avoid it forever. That day finally came when I got a call on the cell phone my mom let me have `just in case' she said. She told me that she'd be working late and that I'd have to go to Mark's house until she got finished with work. I was in shock, but had to quickly recover because Mark walked up to me. I told him that I'd be going home with him til my mom got off work. Mark smiled that big grin of his and I thought I was gonna melt right there on the spot. Damn those eyes, I thought to myself. So, we gathered up our books and we headed out to meet his mom. "Hi boys", she said. "Hi Melinda", I said. "Hi mom." Mark said. She never minded me calling her Melinda, but she wanted me to think of her as my second mom. In a lot of ways she was, I spent so much time over there, it was like a second home. The ride home was spent just talking about our day and about what we would be up to this weekend. The usual video game playing, maybe a little basketball outside, going to the park or mall. First though being growing boys, as his mom used to say, we wanted a snack. When we got to their house, his mom made us a snack to eat. It was chicken nuggets and ranch dipping sauce, always a favorite. After our snack was eaten, Mark asked me if I wanted to go to his room and hang out. I said ok, not trying to sound too enthusiastic, because I could feel what was coming and I started to get a stomach ache. We went into his room and Mark ushered me to sit down on his bed. The moment I was dreading was here, I could feel it. "Hey man, what's wrong with you lately?" "I don't know what you mean", I said. You've seemed nervous the last few weeks and shaking a lot. Oh, that, um...it's just my hormones man, been messing with my head. Uh huh, I've seen how you've tensed up whenever a jerk at school says the word `fag' or `gay'. I don't want to talk about it, so just drop it, please? Stephen, I'm your best friend and if there's something you wanna tell me, you can. There's nothing, really, let's just play some x-box ok? Ok, ok, I don't want to upset you, but I could help, if you'll let me. Wow, I thought, here is my best friend offering to help me, but I'm afraid to tell him because I don't wanna lose him. I'd rather have our friendship be a lie, than not have his friendship at all. I'm afraid to tell... We sat there in utter silence, which was deafening to me and just as I was gonna say something, Mark's mom called us down for dinner. "Please don't be mad at me," I said with a saddened look on my face. "I'm not, I'm just hurt that you don't trust me." Mark said. Let's just eat and then I'll go home. How bout instead of going home, you could stay the night? Mark asked, grinning again. I don't know, you're feeling bad, I'm feeling bad, it probably wouldn't be any fun. I disagree, I think we could have a lot of fun. I knew I couldn't leave things like this, so after dinner I called my mom and got the ok to stay the night. After that, I got nervous again, but pushed it aside until I felt like I needed to throw up. I quickly ran to the bathroom and tossed my cookies for the next half hour. I heard a knock on the door, it was Mark asking if I was ok? I yelped `yes' as I was trying to regain my footing. I unlocked the door, opened it and stumbled right into Mark's arms. Sorry I said sheepishly, I guess I'm still a little woozy. Mark looked at me with a little smile, no teeth this time and nodded. He led me to his room and sat me on the bed. Wait right here, he said. When he came back, he had a glass of water with him. Drink this, he commanded. I swallowed it all and then sighed. Are you ready to talk yet? No, I'm afraid to. I don't wanna lose you as a friend, you're my only friend. That is not gonna happen, ever! Barely audible, I said I'm gay. What was that? A little louder I said, I'm gay, but he still didn't hear me. I don't wanna be doing this, I thought to myself. I turned away from him, feeling queasy again. He put his right hand on my shoulder and then placed it on the back of my head, turning me towards him once again. Stephen, it's ok, you can tell me. I'm, I'm, I think I might be gay. As soon as I said it, I got up and ran for the door. Mark caught up to me just as I was gonna turn the knob on his bedroom door. He put his hand on my back, and it shot electricity through me. I froze, afraid of what he'd say or do, but all he did was turn me around to face him. I was crying and he started to wipe them from my cheek. God I loved the feeling of his touch on me. I put my hand on top of his as he said, it's ok. It'll be ok. How can it be? I cried out. You have a `fag' for a friend! Don't call yourself that, you might be gay but you certainly aren't a `fag.' He pulled me against him and just held me there for several seconds. This is the best feeling I've ever had and then he released me smiling. It's ok, Mark said. Really? Are you sure we can still be friends? Of course we can, this doesn't change anything. After that, I just lost it. The tears flowed like a river out of my blood shot eyes and down my reddened cheeks. "I've been so stupid not telling you this, but I was so scared to tell you." "I understand, it isn't an easy thing to tell anyone, especially you're best friend." Don't tell anyone, ok Mark? I won't. We then moved over to his bed and just sat there for a minute. The next thing Mark did surprised the hell outta me. He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. Mark, are you?...I trailed off. I don't know, he said. I mean I like you...let's play some more x-box, this is making me uncomfortable. Oh no, I just tell you I think I might be gay, and you're the one who's uncomfortable? Yea, sorry, its just I don't talk about my feelings and stuff. Maybe you should. I've never really given it much thought, to be honest, I've just looked at girls but have never got a boner over it. And right now, I'm tenting pretty good. Me too. We didn't take it any further than that, but I asked Mark if he wanted to kiss me on the lips. He seemed reluctant at first, but then he closed his eyes and leaned in to me, I met his lips with mine. His lips were soft and moist with his saliva. I didn't want to break away, but he did and then with his eyes opened this time, he kissed me again, this time for a few minutes. There was a knock on the door. We quickly jumped away from each other. "Boys, it's time for bed." "Ok mom." We brushed our teeth, pulled off our t-shirts and shorts, and climbed into Mark's soft, warm bed. Not much long after, we were fast asleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To be continued...