Date: Tue, 09 Nov 1999 17:40:15 -0500
From: Charlie <charlieje@mindspring.com>
Subject: Andy Part 20 (young-friends)

              XX Wade Comes Calling

There wasn't much conversation in the limo going home. Charlie was still
properly pissed off and everyone knew it, so they all just gave him as much
space as they could. Karen remarked on the meal and wondered aloud if
she could make the various dishes by guessing at the ingredients. Dennis
assured her that she probably could.

Karen and Dennis both raved over Andy's singing. "I thought you'd never
sung before!" she said.
"I didn't. Only in school sometimes, and not even that for a long time. Did
it sound ok?"
"It was great, Andy! You have a beautiful baritone voice, hasn't he Charlie"
"Uh-huh." Charlie wanted to tell Andy he'd been pleasantly surprised, and
that he did indeed have a beautiful voice; but in his present state of temper
his emotions just wouldn't allow it.

Dennis discussed the work that needed to be done right away. Then of
course there was school. Charlie had pretty well lost the entire year and
Andy had fallen far behind. "We're gonna have to hire someone this year,"
Dennis observed, "So you boys can go to summer school."

Charlie didn't answer. Andy agreed that he could never work a full load
and get caught up at school at the same time. "We also have to consider that
Charlie will take a while to get his strength back." he said.
"I can carry my load!" Charlie snapped.
"We don't want you overdoing it, Charlie." Karen offered.
"I'll be ok. What's the point in my being around if I can't do my work?" he
answered, then the limo went silent again. By the time they got home it was
well after midnight, so everyone went straight to bed.

"Charlie," Andy said across the room after they were in bed, "Don't you
think you were a little hard on Mom and Dad? They were only trying to
make the idea work for you."
"They were tryin' to get rid of me is how it looked to me."
"That's not true and you know it! If you took the trouble to look, they were
almost in a panic, thinking of you being away so much."
"Yeah I know. I mean, who would do all the work? With me gone they'd
have to hire someone, and it could be years before they saw any of the
millions they think I'll make. So they have to make the best deal they can."

"Charlie," Andy said, "I don't wanna hear you talk that way. You know it's
ridiculous! You know they think you're the best thing that's ever happened
to them and they'd do anything for you. You know that, Charlie!"
"All I know is when they saw a chance to put me on display, to make
millions off my voice, they went all goo-gaw over it. They're probably in
their room right now tryin' to figure out a way to make me go to Italy.
Maybe I should just go and be done with it. It's a cinch I'm not welcome
here."

Andy knew there was no point in arguing the point further, so he just said
"G'nite Charlie" and rolled over for sleep. Charlie padded across the room
and crawled in bed with him, slipping out of his boxers as he did. "Make
love to me, Andy?" he whispered, "Please?"
"Charlie, it's awful late. Anyway I'm not sure that's such a good idea right
now."
"Please, Andy?"
"No, Charlie." he said as he wrapped his arms around Charlie's naked
body, "Not tonight. You need your rest. You're so darned skinny there's
bones sticking out everywhere! And you've got to be exhausted, you've had
a very long day."
"Well excuse me! I'm sorry if I'm too skinny for ya. Funny thing, that sorta
happens when ya can't keep anything in your stomach for a few months!"
"Charlie, I didn't mean..."
"I know what you meant. Sorry, forget I asked."

Charlie pried himself loose from Andy's arms and went back to his own
bed. Andy wanted to follow, but he decided Charlie needed his space right
now. He had wanted to make love tonight with every fiber in his body, but
Karen's words kept ringing in his ear: "Please don't hurt him!"
"I love you, lil brother!" he said. No answer.

A week later Charlie's mood still hadn't improved. He dove into his school
work, showed signs that he was working really hard to catch up; when he
got home he went right to work on whatever task needed doing. But Andy
noticed, among other things, that he never heard singing from Charlie any
more. Charlie's tolerance for criticism had never been lower. And as a
further blow to his ego, Dennis had asked Andy to oversee things to give
Charlie a little more time to recover. Of course Charlie didn't see it that
way. He had an older brother now, and he had been dethroned!

"Charlie," Andy said one night as they ate supper, "I think that southeast
corn field is starting to need cultivating. Can you do it Saturday?"
"Yes sir!" Charlie answered, a definite mechanical military tone to his voice.
"I think you also need to do some cultivation with your attitude." Karen
remarked.
"Oh sorry, Mom." Charlie answered, "I forgot. Would you like me to kiss
his ass now, or wait till after supper?"
"It's after supper now for you, young man!" Dennis said, "And the next
time you speak to your mother that way, you'll lose a lot more than your
supper. Now please excuse yourself and go to your room."

"He's hurtin' real bad." Andy said after Charlie had gone, "I don't mind
really. I think I have some understanding what he's going through."
"We have always been here for him," Dennis answered, "And he knows it.
If he's hurting, he knows he can always come to us. He also knows it is
totally unacceptable to just hurt back. That's not the way this family works,
and it never has been."
"Do you know what's bothering him, Dad?"
"Not really. I have to assume it's the surgery he had and I try to make
allowances for that. But he himself was so sure it was ok, the right thing to
do, I just don't know. But regardless, we have certain ground rules in this
family that are simply not negotiable. One of them is common courtesy.
Another is, if you have a problem with something I've done, you need to
tell me because I might not know. I can't fix something if I don't know it's
broken."

"Have you read that book yet?" Andy asked.
"No, I've been meaning to, but I just haven't got around to it."
"I think you should, Dad. I'm beginning to think Charlie is starting to really
identify with Tonio, the main character in that book. I'm starting to get a
little scared for him. In case you haven't noticed, he never sings any more.
That happened in the book too. After Tonio's castration his only option,
really, was to sing and learn to sing better. But Tonio needed some time to
figure that out. Charlie isn't singing at all any more. He still thinks you want
him to go to Italy and develop his voice. He thinks he's nothing without his
voice. Oh, and another thing. I think you should put him back in charge of
everything he was before."
"I can't do that, Andy! With his current attitude, he'll have half the field
hands quitting within a week."
"Read the book, Dad! Please! And as you read it, put yourself in Charlie's
place. He is feeling totally rejected! We've all made him feel so... well,
unworthy!"

"I don't see how a book could affect anyone that much." Dennis answered.
"Because you haven't read it!" Andy countered, "And because you haven't
been castrated. I'm gonna tell you something I'm not sure I should, but I
hope it might give you some insight of what Charlie is going through. The
night we ate at Carlo Meoli's, Charlie came to my bed after we were all
settled down and asked me to make love to him. I turned him down, Dad!"
"He did WHAT?" Dennis demanded.
"Please," Andy said, "Don't judge him. You know we've done it before,
and he was feeling pretty dejected. But I didn't realize how significant it
was for him. I was concerned about how late it was, how tired he must be,
how it had only been a week or so since he was almost dead, so I said no.
Dad, he was devastated! And now he won't let me make it up to him. I
can't touch him, talk to him, nothing! He won't even discuss anything
really. He has built a wall around himself and I can't even begin to get
through it.

"When I first came here, almost a year ago, the thing that attracted me to
Charlie, above all others, was his self confidence. He wasn't perfect, he
made mistakes, but he did his best and he knew it was his best, and he made
no apologies to anyone for his failings. He learned from them and just kept
going. I had never known confidence like that; but now Charlie has lost it.
He doesn't know how to act, Dad! He doesn't know who he is or where he
fits. He is in a world he has never been in before! He needs to know he's
still worth something. He needs to know we love him for HIM, not his
voice. I know it sounds crazy, but Charlie has lost all confidence that he's
anything but a freak."

"But why? What's happened to make him lose all that confidence?"
"I have no idea, Dad. But it must be terribly devastating for him."
"Do you think it's the surgery? I mean, he seemed so well prepared for it."
"Indirectly, yes. I think he's related to the story in that book a little too well.
I think in a way he's living that story.

"In the book, Tonio the main character gets kidnapped and castrated
because of his brother's orders. Charlie had a brother who abused him, and
probably as a result he had to be castrated. Tonio ended up the student of a
man named Guido. The man's name who offered him the same training is
Guido. Oh yeah, Tonio's brother's name was Carlo. There are just so many
similarities, and Charlie has somehow got the idea in his head that he's not
wanted or needed here any more, just like in the book. Of course in the
book Tonio was an outcast from the family, because he couldn't produce
heirs, so maybe that's where it came from."

Dennis sat looking into space, fingering his chin. "So what do we do about
it?" he asked.
"Give him back his old job." Andy answered, "He needs to know he is still
needed. And even in his present state of mind he can do it better than I can.
And it might be the thing that pulls him out of it. I mean, keeping the
schedule he used to keep, he didn't have time to brood very much."
"What about his music?" Karen asked, "He used to enjoy our times in the
evening so much! And now every time I ask he just says no thanks and goes
to his room."
"That's in that story too, Mom. Tonio was a wonderful singer, had always
sung for his mother. But afterwards he wouldn't sing a note for a long time.
But Charlie loved it so much I gotta believe it'll come back. In the
meantime maybe if you'll start working with me it might help."
"You really want me to, don't you?"
"Yes, I do. I've never done anything like that before 'cause no one ever
cared enough. If Charlie sees you working with me he might take an interest
and help out when he can. And besides I promised Charlie."

"I've got something else I think it's time you knew." Dennis said haltingly.
"Dennis," Karen said, "Do you really think it's appropriate, after all that's
happened?"
"Yes I do, and maybe even more so. I think Andy might have something in
that theory of his, and we need to know how he thinks all this will affect
Charlie."
'Sounds like something big." Andy observed.
"It is. But with Charlie's current attitude, we could blow the whole thing if
we don't handle it right. I'm hoping you might be able to help us. But
remember, I don't want him to know anything about it, at least not just yet.

"The fact is, we have had Charlie pretty well set to go to a private school
starting this fall. His teachers have been nagging us for three years now,
telling us that they just couldn't cope with his mind and do it justice. I have
never had his IQ tested and I never will 'cause I don't believe in such
things, but the school thinks he is at the very least bordering on genius. The
school board and his teachers have helped me, and he's been accepted at a
school for gifted children in South Carolina. The only problem is, it would
mean he has to board all week and only get home on weekends. It's a
wonderful opportunity for him and music is a big part of their program. We
were concerned that his surgery would kill his chances, but we just got
word that they don't consider that a problem at all."

"WOW!" Andy said after he'd sat thinking for a long time, "That is so cool!
In fact, it's incredible! But how's Charlie gonna react to being sent away
from home?"
"Exactly my point. This time last year he wouldn't have been thrilled about
leaving, but there wouldn't be this doubt in his head about his being
welcome here. Honestly, Andy, I don't know what to do."
"By the way," Karen added, "You'd be going too."
"Me? In a school for gifted kids? But I'm just a... a..."
"Just a very bright boy who hasn't had a chance?" Karen offered. "You've
done exceptionally well in the year you've been here, in spite of all the
difficulties! Believe it or not, it was your school's idea, not ours."
"But... the farm! How will you..."

"There's gonna be some big changes here on the farm." Dennis announced.
"I'm going to cut 'way back on the operation, get rid of all the livestock so
there aren't so many chores that need doing every day, and try to arrange
things so we aren't so tied down. I'd consider selling out completely, but
Charlie loves it here so much I just can't bring myself to do that. And like it
or not, without you and Charlie here I just can't keep it going the way it is."
"But what about all that money? You're getting a big settlement from the
hospital. And there's my allowance. All that adds up to a nice amount of
cash. You could..."
"That's Charlie's money. Charlie's and yours. I think before we get our two
boys settled we're gonna be needing a lot of money, and I won't touch it
for this old farm. I can't take a chance on investing all that money only to
have a bad year or something and lose it all."

"I... I don't know what to say, Dad. I never dreamed that I'd ever..." Andy
didn't finish. He'd been overwhelmed and was starting to cry. "You guys
have been so good to me, and all through all the trouble with Charlie. I just
can't..."
"You can't get it in your head that you're our son now, can you Andy?"
Karen said tenderly, "You can't get it in your head that you're not a
replacement for Charlie, or Garth, or an assistant to our son. You're our
son too! And we want the same for you as we have always wanted for
Charlie: the very best!"

Andy was struck dumb as if he'd been hit full in the chest. He couldn't
breathe; he felt himself break out in a sweat. He'd come to the point where
he'd never dreamed anyone would care that much for him! Without
thinking what he was doing, he threw his arms around Dennis, then Karen.
Through his tears he said "Thanks Mom, Dad. I love you!"
"We love you too." Karen answered, "Now why don't you get your tail to
bed and see how your brother's doing?"

As he climbed the stairs, Andy reflected on how naturally he'd embraced
his mom and dad: people he didn't even know a year ago! It felt so good!
And so natural!

When Andy finally went up to bed, he was yet again astonished by his little
brother. Charlie was seated at his desk, surfing the net. As soon as Andy
walked in the room he shut the whole thing down - perhaps a little more
quickly than Andy would have expected. Whatever he'd had on the screen,
Charlie hadn't wanted Andy to see it. "Andy?" he said in his very best
innocent little boy voice, "Remember you promised me you'd teach me to
fight?"
"Yeah, I remember, You got someone in mind you wanna beat up?"
"No, nothin' like that. But I just thought it'd be a good idea if I knew how
to take care of myself."
"No problem, dude. But it isn't necessary. I told ya I'd take care of you,
and I meant it."
"I know that, but you're not always gonna be there. I just think it'd be a
good idea. Besides," he said with the glint in his eye that Andy hadn't seen
for quite some time, "It'll give me a chance to get my hands on your body."

Andy tried to ignore the remark, but that wasn't easy as Charlie came for
him, dressed only in those incredible white boxers, and began to wrestle. He
threw himself at Andy and knocked him backwards on his bed, with Charlie
on top. They rolled around on the bed, laughing and grabbing, each trying
to get the upper hand. And that's when Andy felt something pressing into
his stomach; something he'd thought he would never feel again. He slipped
his hand between their bodies and exclaimed "It seems my little brother's
not the only one here that wants to play."

Charlie went silent. His eyes got misty. "That happens a lot." he said as he
rolled off Andy and lay on his back staring at the ceiling, the tiny tent in his
boxers wilting. Andy propped himself on his elbow and looked down at his
little brother, his hand roaming over Charlie's chest. Charlie pushed the
hand away and muttered "Please don't!"
"I'm sorry, man!" Andy whispered, "It's just that... you're so beautiful! I
can't keep my hands off you."
"Beautiful?" Charlie said without changing his gaze, "How can you say
that? I'm ugly! I'm a fuckin' freak!"
"Well man if you're ugly I wish I was ugly like you."
"Look at me! I'll never be the same!"
"Charlie, no one sees that anyway unless you want them to. And besides,
you told me you didn't mind!"
"I don't mean that, Andy. Look at my hair! Or at least where it used to be!
Ya can't tell me nobody sees that."

Suddenly the lights came on! Suddenly it was all clear. How could he have
been so stupid? In his mind he saw all the times when Charlie, working in
the field, dirty, sweaty, had stopped to brush out his golden hair. He
thought of all the other boys and men he'd known with long hair. Without
exception they had tied it into a pony tail when they were doing the type of
work Charlie was doing all the time on the farm; all except Charlie that is.
Charlie never tired of brushing out hayseed, manure, tangles, and his hair
always looked immaculate! "Is that it?" he exclaimed, "Is that what's been
bothering you? Your hair?"
"Mom loved my hair!" Charlie said, "She was always telling me how
gorgeous it was! And so were you!"
"Charlie," Andy said, "It'll grow back. You've already got a pretty good
start. And if you don't ever grow another sprig of hair in your life, I'll still
love you. I loved you the first time I saw you. Yes, your hair was beautiful,
but so were YOU! It's YOU I love, and I don't care if you're bald for the
rest of your life. I'll still love you 'cause of the kind of person you are."

Charlie looked up at Andy, still propped on one elbow looking down at
him. "You're just sayin' that!" he accused.
"No I'm not. I love you, Charlie! I love you as a brother, but... but I love
you in the other way too. I was confused at first, but when you got sick and
I thought I was gonna lose you, I knew that my love for you went far
deeper than any brother."
"But... that night... when I wanted to..."
"Charlie, you were just a few days out of hospital! You were weak and it
had been a long day! God, if you only knew how much I wanted you that
night! But I can't hurt you... I could never hurt you."
"You mean it? Really?"
"Course I mean it! You've been driving me crazy, not lettin' me make love
to you! Not even talking to me."
"I'm not weak now. An' I'm not tired. Would you... uhh... like I mean, if
you really want to, would you do it now?"

Andy didn't answer. He ran his hands over Charlie's body a few times, then
stood and undressed. As he dropped his shorts, Charlie's eyes widened.
"White boxers?" he questioned.
"Yeah," Andy grinned self consciously, "They look so awesome on you I
thought I'd try them. You like?"
"Oh yeah man, you look totally sensational!"
"Well, have a good look, cause they're comin' off at least for a while."

Fighting lessons were forgotten, at least for an hour or two. By then both
boys were totally exhausted and just fell asleep, still naked, in each other's
arms. They didn't stir until 7 the next morning.

Charlie's demeanor improved greatly after that night. Andy had of course
revealed to their parents what was really bothering Charlie, and they had
responded the way he knew they would: patience and understanding, and
lots of assurances that they loved Charlie the bald kid as much as they loved
Charlie with the hair to kill for. Dennis had taken Andy's advice and
restored Charlie to his former position of authority, and Charlie had taken
the challenge as always. He wasn't the same though. The sparkle in his eye
wasn't as bright; he wasn't as quick with a joke; he didn't have the patience
with a stubborn mechanical problem or a disgruntled worker. But everyone
thought these things would come as he regained his confidence, and his
hair.

Andy spent an hour every evening with Charlie in the barn, teaching him
what he knew about self defense. "There's all sorts of tournament fighting,"
he explained, "Like boxing, Karate, wrestling, kick boxing. There's all sorts
of rules and techniques, and I know next to nothing about all that. What I'm
teaching you is what I've learned about street fighting. I learned it from
living in group homes, orphanages, places like that where there's always
someone who's gonna beat the crap outa you if you let him. There's no
rules in street fighting; the objective is to hurt the other guy before he hurts
you, and if he's hurting maybe he'll lose interest before someone gets really
hurt."
"Fair enough," Charlie said, "That's what I want."

As with everything Charlie tried, he proved himself a worthy and
enthusiastic student. Before long he was punching, dodging, throwing Andy
with as much skill as Andy had. He showed him the various parts of the
body, like the bridge of the nose, the kidney area, the genitals, that were
extra tender. "You got a real advantage there," he told his young student,
"When a guy thinks he's losing he'll almost always try to knee or kick you
in the balls."
"Yeah," Charlie said with a distant look in his eye, "I know all about that. I
was on the receiving end for years:"
"Remember," Andy said often, "Some o' those punches can kill. You gotta
be careful and not punch or chop too hard. The object is to make the guy
lose interest, not kill him."
"Maybe," Charlie said.
Maybe? Andy thought. What did that comment mean? But he shrugged it
off.

That same evening, Charlie disappeared after supper. Andy, never far
away, went looking for him and found him in their room at the computer.
"Hey, Dude!" he said cheerfully, "Watcha doin'? Checkin' out the porn
sites?"
"Nothin'." Charlie said as he quickly closed the window he'd been looking
at - a little too quickly maybe? Again?
"It's ok Charlie." Andy assured him, "If you're lookin' at something you
shouldn't be I'm not gonna tell. I kinda like to look sometimes too."
"It was nothing!" Charlie said again, "Just checking out my email. I'm done
now."
"You ok?" Andy asked, "You seem a little... I dunno, kinda upset or
something."
"I'm fine. I think I'll go to bed."
"You might want to wait a while. Dad said Wade's comin' over.
"Wade? From the quartet?"
"Uh-huh. He's in town for a couple days and wanted to see you."
"I don't want to see him."
"But I thought you liked him!"
"I did. I just don't wanna see him."
"For me? Please?"

Andy didn't know how else to get Charlie downstairs. Dennis had told him
that Wade had a proposal for Charlie, one that everyone thought he would
like. Among other things, Wade now had a full time position as a bass
singer in a group in Myrtle Beach. It would be Wade that would host the
two boys if they decided to go to the new school Dennis had negotiated,
and tonight they were going to tell Charlie all. He had been increasingly
anxious to get back to school, to make arrangements for summer school,
but Dennis had been putting him off, saying that the school year was so
close to the end there was no point, he wasn't sure Charlie could get into
summer school; but Charlie had been increasingly suspicious. So when
Andy played his final ace, Charlie reluctantly agreed to go downstairs and
meet Wade.

                 *       *       *

If you wish to comment on this story, please send your comments to me at
charlieje@mindspring.com