Date: Sat, 11 Dec 1999 08:11:59 -0500 From: Charlie Subject: Andy Part 27 Guess it's time to get back to normal life again. This is our last day of our vacation in Orlando Florida. We have had a wonderful week of sun and fun doing the various theme parks, watching thousands of children having the time of their lives, eating too much, and generally abusing our bodies in the name of pleasure. But all good things must come to an end, so we leave some time very early tomorrow morning for home. Of course being a native Canadian I find the North Carolina winters pretty easy to take, but this little taste of summer in December was still like a shot in the arm. I have had my laptop with me and have been checking email, but aside from that I haven't spent any time on the computer. I have just proofread chapter 27 once more and I think it's ready to go, so here it is. I hope you enjoy. XXVII Back Home in Carolina By the time the big jet landed in Atlanta, Paul had learned and could sing a few basic songs. Karen had tried to get the boys to sleep a few hours, but they were just too excited. The other passengers didn't help much either. When they heard the music coming from the upper lounge, there was a constant audience listening, encouraging, making requests. Charlie was totally involved with all the bells, whistles and gadgets the electronic keyboard had to offer. Karen and Dennis did catch a few naps, and it was a good thing because they only had two hours to get through Customs and Immigration, then catch their connection to Wilmington. Carlo had insisted on meeting them at Wilmington airport, saying that with the additional two boys it would be tough to find a single taxi to take them home, to say nothing of the cost. "And besides," he'd said to Dennis on the phone, "I want to meet those two and tell them how fortunate they are." "WOW!" Christopher exclaimed as the big white limo slid to the curb and stopped, "Is that your car Dad?" "Not any time soon," Dennis chuckled. "I'm afraid it's gonna be pretty crowded in our car till I can get a larger one. We'll probably have to get a van. No, this is Signore Meoli's car." "Signore Meoli is Dad's partner," Charlie said in Italian, "And our friend." He grinned as he saw the look of surprise on Carlo's face. In Italian Carlo exclaimed "My little songbird! You have learned Italian?" "A little," Charlie said in English, "Paul and Christopher are gonna help us all learn." It was late and dark by the time they got to the farm, so the two newcomers couldn't see much. But there was one thing... make that TWO things, that Charlie didn't miss. They were only shapes in the dark, but he recognized them instantly. "The new tractors!" he exclaimed, "They're here! Man, they're even bigger than I thought!" "Yeah," Andy agreed, "And wait'll you work one. They are really somethin'! Actually I just realized Charlie that you never asked about them. I thought you'd be givin' me the third degree about how they work, how they handle, would they do the work..." "Yeah," Charlie answered, "Guess I was kinda in choir mode, but now I'm back in farmer mode, an' this time to stay." All four boys inspected the new machines. They started one up and moved it into the light where they could see better. They played with the hydraulics, checked out the stereo, talked from one to the other on the CB. All were suitably impressed with their new toys. "That's good," Dennis said, "Because starting this week those tractors are gonna be putting in some long days. We're putting in 200 acres of sweet potatoes and 250 or so of peanuts. So there'll be no more lying around in Italy singing once in a while." The highlight of the entire trip was bed time. The house had not been prepared for two additional occupants so everyone had to double up. Much to Andy's delight, his room was given to the newcomers considering that he seldom used it anyway; that left him and Charlie sleeping together, for the first time in more than a month! "I've missed you so much!" Charlie said as his hands wandered all over Andy's body, "And I want to do it all tonight!" "But you had Paul to keep you warm, lil bro. Meanwhile I had nobody!" "Jealous?" Charlie said with a grin, realizing that Andy was playing with him. "You bet I was! I got enough plans for you to keep you busy for the foreseeable future. Any time ya spend with someone else cuts into those plans." "Well, I'm not with anybody else right now. I think you'll find Paul is a worthy partner, but you better not like him better than me!" He gave that part of Andy that he didn't have a squeeze to punctuate the warning. "Not a chance, Charlie!" Andy grunted, "Now are you gonna show me if everything still works, or are you just gonna lie there talking and squeezing my nuts all night?" Charlie didn't answer, at least in words. But it wasn't long before they both knew that everything did indeed still work. "Ohhh man!" Charlie exclaimed when they were resting, "That month without you was well worth it. Man, that was so AWESOME!" "Maybe we should wait another month before we do it again." Andy suggested. "Or maybe we should do it again right now just to make sure it wasn't a fluke." "Good idea! We wouldn't want to misjudge, would we?" "I love you, Andy. I dunno what the future holds, but right now I can't bear the thoughts of ever being without you." "I love you too Charlie." Andy said as his hands went to work again. "Andy?" Charlie said in his very best little boy voice. "Yeah bud?" "Would you... uhhh... would you do something for me?" "Anything, Charlie. Anything! What d'ya want?" "Well, it's kinda hard to put into words. But I've been almost raped twice now, an' the part that scared me the most both times was that you wouldn't be the first." "Twice? I knew about Garth, but when was the second time?" "In Italy. Yashi and Dimitri almost made it, but Paul showed up and stopped them. But he did stop them. I guess it was then I realized I wasn't afraid of it bein' done, only that it wasn't you doing it." "You... you want me to rape you?" "Not exactly. It wouldn't be rape if you did it. Please Andy?" "Are you sure, Charlie? I don't want to hurt you." "From all I've read it'll probably hurt a little at first, but I want to try. Please?" "Charlie!" Andy protested, "We don't have any lubricant of any kind..." "We got saliva haven't we? I know I got lots to get you wet and slippery. I know you'll be careful, an' I want you to! Unless you don't want to?" "That... that's not a problem, Charlie. I've thought about it a few times but I didn't know how you'd feel about it." "Well now you do. Please Andy? Now? Please?" * * * "Paul?" a very small voice whispered in Italian, "Are you asleep?" "No, Christopher, I can't sleep." "You homesick?" "Not exactly. But it's all so different, here in America, on a big farm, a room to ourselves. It must be really strange for you, never having been on a farm before." "Yeah, it is. Kinda scary in a way I guess, but I think I'm gonna like it." "You will. Charlie's family is really nice." "I guess they're our family now." "Uh-huh. You wanna come over to my bed Christopher?" "Uh-huh. Is it ok?" "C'mon." "Paul?" "Yeah, Christopher?" "How does it feel? I mean, we're gonna be brothers. What's that feel like to you?" "Christopher, we were kinda like brothers anyway, in the school and all." "Yeah, but those other guys were our brothers too. But you were always different. You never picked on me like they did. Why didn't ya, Paul?" "Cause... 'cause it's not right, Christopher. It just isn't right. An' you were a pretty kewl guy. You were just like me, different from the others. It wasn't fair, what they did to you." "It's okay really, but I'm glad you didn't tease me like that. I always liked you, Paul. It's gonna be great, bein' your brother. Can I hug you?" "Course ya can! You're my brother!" "Paul? You asleep yet?" "No, Christopher. But we gotta get some sleep. Charlie said he an' Andy are gonna teach us how to drive the tractors in the morning." "Operate! Not drive, OPERATE! Charlie said ya don't drive a tractor, you OPERATE it! He said only city slickers drive tractors." "You like Charlie, don't ya?" "Course I do! He's my brother! And besides, he's a real kewl guy. So's Andy." "Well then let's get some sleep so we can learn to... OPERATE the tractors in the morning." Silence for ten minutes while Christopher snuggled close to Paul. Both boys were totally happy, being close, embracing, loving. The dormitory, the Italian school, the choir, were all a million light years away as they snuggled together in their own bedroom. "Paul?" "What, Christopher?" "What do ya suppose they're doing?" "Who?" "Andy and Charlie. They both seemed really pleased that they ended up together and we ended up in Andy's room." "I dunno, Christopher. But I can guess. They haven't been together alone for over a month, remember." "Do ya think they... you know?" "I don't think, Christopher, I know! They do! And I suspect they're doing it right now. Now, can we please get some sleep?" "You mean you don't care that they're doin' it, right in the next room?" 'It's none of our business, Christopher." "I guess not. But what we do is our business isn't it?" "That's why I'm tryin' to get you to go to sleep." "I think I could sleep a lot better if I... well... Paul..." Paul was trying desperately to NOT know what Christopher was talking about. He was trying with all his might to deny what was screaming inside him. But the little boy in his arms was certainly not making it easy for him. He had always, ever since the day he arrived at the school in Italy, admired Christopher. He was tiny, way off limits for any sexual behavior, even for the other boys! There was an understanding in the school; not a rule laid down by Signore Guido, but a code of ethics enforced on the boys by the boys themselves: there would be absolutely no sex of any kind with any boy under ten, and no boy under twelve would be involved in any sexual activity against his will. Everyone knew these laws, respected them, and obeyed them. "Christopher," Paul said in desperation, "You know the rules. You're only eight years old!" "Those were the rules at school. We're not in that school any more. We're home, Paul. HOME! OUR home! The rules have all changed now. So please... can we..." "Christopher, I just don't know..." "Tell me you don't want to and I'll go back to my bed and go to sleep. I promise. All ya gotta do is say you don't want to." "Christopher, I..." "You can't, can ya? You can't say it! Can you?" "No, lil brother, I can't." Christopher's hands had not been idle during this exchange. What they found and reported back to control central, Christopher's brain, confirmed his suspicions. Not only did they discover a part of Paul that was more then willing, they found no resistance to their explorations. "Christopher," Paul pleaded as his defenses waned, "You're only eight years old!" "And you're only eleven." came the reply. "Almost twelve. And the rules..." "I'm almost nine. And those rules are 'way back in Italy. I love you, Paul." "And... I... uhhhh... Christopher, I love you. I always have. I just don't want to... you know, I don't wanna force anything..." "You're not forcing me, Paul, I'm asking. But please, don't say no you don't want me." * * * The sound of the big diesel engine starting up woke Charlie at 6 next morning. He had only had four or five hours sleep, but in spite of the fact he'd been up for over 24 hours, he was wide awake and ready to go. He jumped out of bed and flew to the window in time to see the big green John Deere going down the driveway and out of sight. It was still too dark to see who was on it, but he assumed it was his father. "Morning, dude!" Andy said sleepily, "What're ya doing up so early?" "Early?" Charlie replied, "It's after 6, Andy." "But Dad said we could sleep in." "We did! It's after 6!" "Charlie, the chores are taken care of, we're not starting the planting right away, there's no reason to get up so early." "But someone just took one of the new tractors down the lane. Somethin' must be goin' on." "Plowing and harrowing, that's all. That's all we've done ever since you left. We got almost 600 acres to plant this spring in all. That's a lot of plowing." "But who... who's on that tractor?" "I dunno, Charlie. But I guess Dad'll tell us when he gets up, so why don't you just come back to bed and give your big brother a hug?" Charlie did go back to bed, but he couldn't settle down. Finally at seven they both gave up and got dressed. There were no signs of life from the other boys, so they quietly went downstairs to find their parents in the kitchen. "Dad?" Charlie said. "Morning, son!" "But if you're here, who's on the tractor?" "That's a bit of a surprise we had for you. You weren't supposed to wake up so early. He'll be back for lunch." "He? Who he?" "That's the surprise." "Dad, I hate it when you do that! What's goin' on?" "Ok, Charlie, you win. You remember Wade? From your gospel group?" "Course I do. He was too cool!" "Well, things didn't work out for him in Myrtle Beach. He said his wife left him when he discovered that he is still a farmer at heart too. So he came back home after the Christmas show was done. But his farm was too small to make it on its own, just like ours. So he's become my partner, Charlie. He'll be working with us all the time now. I hope you don't mind, it happened rather suddenly." "Mind? Why would I mind? I love Wade!" "But... there's something else.... I've kinda made him foreman. He has a degree in agriculture, is doing a lot of work on crop rotation, soil analysis on all that new land... I guess in many ways he's kinda taken your job. I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but you've had far too much responsibility for far too long. You need time to just be a kid, and this way you'll have it." "Oh. Well, that's ok. Now I'll have more time to work with Paul and Christopher and help them learn to become farm kids. And havin' Wade here will be neat." "And now you can be a farm kid too, Charlie." Karen added as she put the finishing touches to the boys' breakfast. "You sure you want that?" Charlie said with a grin. Then without waiting for an answer he said "C'mon, Andy, you been running that thing for three weeks so you're elected to show me all the details how to run it." "Breakfast first." Karen ordered, "So why don't you go get the other two our of bed?" After breakfast four boys literally flew out the door and climbed onto the giant green machine. Charlie ended up in the driver's... er... OPERATOR'S seat, which made sense to everyone present. "Man!" he exclaimed as the powerful diesel engine came to life. He lifted the front end loader, then lowered it again. He flipped a lever and raised and lowered the plow. "Six furrows!" he exclaimed, "Can she pull it?" "Doesn't even breathe hard." Andy answered, "I been saving that ten acre lot across the road for you to check it out on." "Cool!" Charlie exclaimed, "We can use it to show Paul and Christopher how to plow." He made sure everyone was secure and holding on, then he slipped the big tractor in gear and gently moved out of the yard. By the end of the day, all four boys had had their hand at running the new tractor as well as the old ones. Christopher adopted "Ole John" as his own. Like Charlie had been, he was too short to manipulate the foot clutch on the other tractors easily, but Ole John's hand clutch was made to order for small boys who were willing but not up to the task in stature. "That's ok," Charlie told him, "Long as you remember to share him. Ole John and I go back as long as I can remember." * * * When Charlie's butt was invaded by the hypodermic needle that released a low dose of testosterone into his body, the effect was almost instant. It was as if his vocal cords, his libido, his sexuality and all the other turmoil that we call puberty had been imprisoned, straining at the chains that held them. The hormone coursing through his body dissolved those chains and released the demons of adolescence. Charlie became irritable and moody; he simply could not get enough to eat, and the more he ate the thinner he got. He complained that he was walking around with a perpetual erection, and that part of his body commenced growing with a new vigor. Pubic hair began to appear. He started crying at almost everything. In a short time the faint shadow of a mustache began to appear on his upper lip. He was really beginning to wonder if he'd made the right decision when he suffered the final blow: within a month, long before he had adequately prepared himself, his voice cracked. The entire family had got into the practice of singing and playing every evening after supper. They all loved it and looked forward to it all day. But then Charlie's voice went totally out of control so that he never knew when he opened his mouth if it would emit the high pure tone of a child, a low bass note to rival that of Wade's, or something in between. So Charlie stopped singing. He still played the piano and worked at the guitar, but he wouldn't, couldn't he said, try to sing. Paul had also requested the hormone shots, but Dr. Lear answered that he was a little too young. Because of Charlie and his problems, the doctor had done some profiling. He studied average hormone levels of adolescent boys and determined that the flow typically started at twelve years old. So a compromise was reached: Paul would get his first shot, a very low dose, the day he turned twelve. Paul's twelfth birthday came in late April. A lot of everyone's attention had been on the spring planting and on supporting Charlie during his difficult time, but today was Paul's day. It was a Thursday, the busy spring season was almost over, so Dennis had declared Friday a day off so they could all stay up late Thursday night. It was certainly a memorable party for Paul, reminiscent of the days before his family was massacred in front of him. He got literally stacks of clothes which he sorely needed; a computer with a color printer for doing his school work; but the most special gift of all came from Charlie, and it was one Charlie hadn't even planned. "I didn't have any idea what to get ya, Paul." Charlie apologized, "I knew you wanted those work boots and I guess you needed 'em, but I wanted to get you something really cool." "Maybe you can." Paul answered, "Do you think... would you mind sleeping with Christopher tonight?" The boys' bedrooms had been rearranged and new furniture bought so that they were permanently housed two to a room: Andy and Charlie in one, Paul and Christopher in the other. It had been their own idea to split up that way, but tonight Paul seemed interested in collecting on a promise he'd got from Charlie, subject to Andy's agreement, before they'd left Italy. Charlie thought for a minute, felt a few pangs of envy, but said nothing and agreed. So when they finally decided to go to bed at a little after midnight, Paul's first stop was Karen's bedroom where he bared his butt so she could inject him, then he knocked on Andy's and Charlie's door. Charlie was in talking with Christopher as they had planned. "Hey, birthday boy!" Andy greeted him cheerfully, "C'mon in! Charlie's in your room talkin' to Christopher. Get your shot already?" "Uh-huh. Andy...." Paul said tentatively as he closed the door behind him, "Can I sleep in here tonight? Charlie said it was all right if you didn't mind." "Hey, no problem! Do you want to sleep in Charlie's bed, or..." "Yours looks more comfortable." "Andy?" Paul's voice said when they were settled with the light out, "Have I made a mistake? I mean, it's not too late is it?" "You mean the adoption? You wanna go back to Italy?" "No, not that! Man, it's really great livin' here, having a family, and three great brothers! No, I mean... well... the hormones. I'm kinda scared. Charlie has been havin' a pretty rough time, and I would never tell him this but his voice is a mess! I don't think I could stand to lose my singing after I just learned how. I just don't think I could stand it!" "Charlie's voice'll come back, even better'n before. It's just that while it's changing it's hard to control. But I think already he's starting to get it back. Yours will to, Paul. We guys all have to go through it, but it's not too bad really." "So you don't think I made a mistake startin' the shots?" "Good heavens no, Paul! An' it might help you forget... well... all that's happened to you. You'll like it, I promise. You can never replace what you lost but you can come close, at least in how you look and how you sound. An' if you never sing another note after tonight, everyone's still gonna love you anyway. That's what Charlie was tryin' to say when he decided that choir wasn't for him. We love to sing here, but it's not required to be loved. There are no conditions on love here. Everyone just loves everyone else 'cause we do." "But Charlie... what it's doin' to him. He was always so cheerful, so sweet. An' now we never know when something's gonna set him off. I always wanted to be just like him and you. You were so happy, but Charlie's not happy any more. If hormones do that to him I don't want them!" "Charlie'll get over it, Paul. Everyone goes through that a little, some guys seem to be bothered more than others. But he'll get over it. Tell ya what... I gotta go tell Charlie something, then I'll come back. You stay right here, ok? I'll be right back." Andy tiptoed next door and tapped lightly on the door. When he opened it he saw four bright eyes looking at him in the moonlight that was streaming into the room. He noticed that their owners were in separate beds: Christopher in his own and Charlie in Paul's. "Charlie," he whispered, "Come here please? There's something I gotta tell ya." "Can't it wait till morning?" Charlie answered grumpily, "It's late." "Now, Charlie!" "What's so important it couldn't wait?" Charlie asked when they were seated on the front porch, clad only in their boxers. "You, Charlie! We gotta talk about you and what you're goin' through." "There's not much to talk about, Andy. I made a mistake, but I gotta live with it. Dr. Lear said it's probably too late to stop it now and he doesn't want me to try anyway, so I gotta live with it. If only I'd known..." Andy noticed a tear glint in the moonlight. "Charlie," he said as he wrapped his arms around him, "You're not the first boy to ever have a tough time getting through puberty. Damn, bro, I came so close to killing myself it scares me to think about it." "You? But when you came here you were always so nice! You seemed so happy. I never noticed..." "If you think back, Charlie, when I first came here you were so happy yourself you couldn't see unhappiness or trouble if it slapped you in the face." "I think it kinda did slap me in the face." "Yes, it did. You had more trouble in one year than most kids ever have in their whole lives. But you took it all and thumbed your nose at it. And now you're letting a little thing like puberty get the best of you." "But your voice.... you weren't singing, you didn't care..." "This isn't about voices, Charlie, this is about being who you are. Your voice will come back. I thought you knew that. But this isn't about that at all. Your body is all confused. Maybe it's worse with you 'cause first you had hormones, then you didn't, now you do again. I dunno if that's it or you're just one of those kids who have a rough time. But you have to know what you're doing." "Doin' to whom? I dunno what you mean." "Paul, Charlie. An' probably Christopher too. You got Paul terrified of what he's gonna go through." "Maybe that's good. Maybe he should consider the whole thing again. I mean, I don't even feel like I'm me any more. I know I get bitchy and snap at everybody but I can't seem to help it." "You're still you, Charlie. You're still the great kid you always were. If you'd let yourself, you'd still love cuddling with Mom, and I know she'd like that. You're having a rough time, but you have to know that we all still love you. You've gotta know that Mom and Dad haven't changed, and you always relied on them before, and they never let you down. You say some pretty hurtin' things sometimes but we let them slide 'cause we love you. But Paul and Christopher, they don't have that kind of security. If you recall they were pretty unsure of themselves before, and they need all the encouragement they can get. They worship you, Charlie! Paul told me tonight that he wanted to be just like you, or at least like how you used to be. You gotta snap out of it, Charlie. You gotta do it for you, but you gotta do it for them too." "But what can I do?" Charlie asked, "I can't help the way I feel. It's like everything is magnified. Mom says no I can't do this or that, and I feel like she hates me an' won't let me do anything. I know better, but that's the way I feel. Dad says that he wants me to go a little lighter on fertilizer, and I feel like I can't do anything right any more." "It'll pass, Charlie. But I got a few ideas what you can do. First off, when you go back to bed, get in bed with Christopher. He needs to know you still care about him. He's probably afraid to ask you 'cause you're so irritable he doesn't want to upset you." "But soon as I come close to him I'll have a big hard on! That's become a real problem too." "So what? You think he's never seen one before?" "But he's only eight!" "I didn't say you had to do anything, but on the other hand if he wants to fool around a little I don't see the harm. I'd be very surprised if he and Paul haven't done it already. "The next thing you can do is, when we go upstairs, come into my room and talk to Paul. Tell him you know that you've been pretty miserable, but that doesn't mean that he will be. And tell him you understand that you'll get over it soon as your body adjusts. Tell him that every man in the world has gone through it and if they can do it so can you; and so can Paul. He needs to hear that from you, lil bro!" "But how... how do I know I won't be the same way again tomorrow?" "You probably will be. I kinda hope that talkin' it out like this will help, but it's not magic. This is just a rough time you gotta get through and you have to ride it out. But don't shut us out. Mom and Dad understand and they're tryin' so hard to be understanding. When you're in a good mood let them know you hate those times when you hurt them. It'll help them to help you. And let us love you, Charlie. Let yourself feel our love and quit slamming the door shut in our faces. We're all still here, Charlie. "Oh yeah, there's one more thing you can do. You can start singing again. Your voice is gonna crack and groan, but laugh at it! We all wanna laugh when your voice cracks, but we don't dare! But we're not laughing AT you, we're laughing WITH you! There's nothing you can do about it, but you can beat it, same as you've beaten everything else you've been through. Charlie, if you only knew how hard it is for me to have this conversation with you! You, the kid who can do anything, who takes problems and attacks them, no matter what! I admire your strength so much, but this seems totally beyond you. It's just not like you, Charlie! Just think of all we've been through together in the short time I've been here. And it's always been YOUR strength that's got us through! You, Charlie! You can't let this beat ya! You gotta believe it'll pass. And you gotta support Paul and Christopher. They need ya, Charlie. They know you better than they know me, and the Charlie they're seeing now is not the Charlie they met in Italy. It's confusing them." By the time they made their way back upstairs, both Andy and Charlie had shed a few tears. Charlie went in and spoke to Paul, then Christopher. He told the little boy that he was so very fortunate that he didn't have to make a decision to take hormones, that they were built in. He said, without knowing if he was right or not, "Your body makes its own and has a built in regulator. It should be easier for you. But even if it isn't, just remember we're all here and we all love you. Now for heaven's sake get your butt outa that bed and into mine! Please?" "You... you want me to?" "Uh-huh. Unless of course you don't want to." "Thanks, Andy." Paul said after they'd all settled down again. "I don't know what you said to Charlie, but he made me feel a lot better." "Thank YOU!" Andy answered. "Here I thought you came here tonight 'cause you wanted to... well, fool around." "I did, but I guess that other thing was on my mind." "You DID? Past tense?" "No, you idiot!" Paul giggled, "PRESENT tense! Do I have to make all the moves here?" "Uhhh no lil bro, ya don't. You did have to start the ball rolling but you just did that. I just hope you're ready for a big time rolling ball." "If it's as big as these two," Paul said as he explored, "Guess I'm in for a bit of a time." "You know it, lil brother!" * * * If you wish to comment on this story, please send your comments to me at charlieje@mindspring.com