Anyplace, Anywhere, Anytime
It's my first attempt to write something like that, so be nice with me! Now it's a story that deals, with kids, with abuse and later on with love and relationship. It's no story to find some quick relieve, for that you'll have to go look somewhere else. All the persons in my story are completely fiction. If you are not old enough to read this, well I can't tell anyone if you don't tell. So enjoy the reading!
Warning:The first chapter is a bit dark and it deals with rape. So be careful when you read it.
I love getting feedback: firstname.lastname@example.org. Please, be sure to use the title in the subject line. I've some really mean filters that delete way too much, when I don't look.
The Lyrics: ? (Questionmark) by Nena, 1984
*** Anyplace, Anywhere, Anytime ***
My mind makes up ideas that I forget too fast
How do I know when it begins
No one can tell me what could be the best
Hey that's one thing I'd never miss
I look around and try it out
I don't know which way to go
With every step I'm going, it's one more step away from you. God, I tried so hard to be all you wanted me to be. It is so easy you say - I've to do my chores, be nice to other people, bring you your beer when you come home from work and be straight. Being straight, was the one thing you preached about day and night, with your mouth, with your fist, your feet and now your whole body. I was four when you started, or was it earlier. It was my fourth birthday I first remember you showing me to be better. I was six when I first understood the words you always called me, a fag, a bastard, a fucking faggot -- the worst of the worst. I couldn't understand what you said then, I had no idea how to make you love me, you never loved me -- I know that now. I was the chain around your neck, holding you back from the life you dreamed to have. You said it was my mother's fault; she wanted to have him forever. She is gone, now it's my fault. I killed her, he said. I wasn't older than ten minutes when she died. She bled to death, just like me.
It was different today. You came home early, I hadn't finished my work. You got laid off because of me. Because of the fucking faggot you had to have. I didn't say a thing. You don't like it when I talk; I talk like a girl you say. I brought you your beer, just like you always want. Your thanks were your fist in my tummy, just so I remember next time. Remember what? It still hurts. I tried to leave you alone, really I did. You don't like me around. I always get under foot you say. I did my chores, just like you wanted me to do. The bathroom first, then my room and at last the kitchen. I brought you more beer when you screamed for it.
I was nearly finished with my chores, when you stumbled in the kitchen. I didn't mean to forget, honestly I didn't. And I still had an hour before the garbage men came. I would have done it, please believe me! I close my eyes -- I see you standing in front of me with a half empty bottle in the hand, why did you come in the kitchen? I saw you raise the bottle, then it was black, did I close my eyes.
When I opened them again I was in my bed. Did I fall asleep, did you carry me to bed, and you never do that. You just kick me to wake me up. I was cold, why should I be cold? I tried to move under the blanked but you held me down. I feel your hand on my skin. Why was I naked? I had to undress myself for as long as I can remember. Then he said he would show me what it was like to be a fucking faggot. He moved over me. I could feel his breath in my ear. I could feel him on my bum. Oh god, stop the hurt, stop it please! I screamed at him to stop, but he didn't, he wouldn't. He said all little fags like me love this. So I should stop pretending. But it hurt, I couldn't stop screaming and he would move up and down, whispering what a good little fag I was, how much he enjoyed me. It hurts how can you enjoy that? Then he peed in me. Why did he do that? He went limp. He was so heavy on me, I couldn't move. I heard him snoring. I don't know how long he stayed on me like this. It was dark before he rolled over. I stumbled out. Something, his pee?, ran down my legs. I still had to finish my chores, it was late but maybe the garbage men were late too. I dragged the garbage bag out. I was feeling funny, hopefully he doesn't wake up. The dragging is too loud, I know, but I can't seem to carry the bag. I'm seeing little stars dancing in front of me. I close my eyes. NO, don't do that. It's black then, I don't like it to be black. He's coming then. I should go for a walk, I feel better then?
Today I'm coming, today I'm leaving
And tomorrow it's gonna be all over
Maybe I'll stick around
Come bother yesterday
Today I need a love that never ends
I'm getting tired. Where am I? How long did I walk? I see a bed in front of me. Just for a minute, that's all I need, really. I close my eyes. It's not dark, but really light. Just for a minute, only to rest my eyes. I've to go home finish my chores before he wakes up. Where am I?
Little boy found on the playground of the local park