Anyplace, Anywhere, Anytime
It's my first attempt to write something like that, so be nice with me! Now it's a story that deals, with kids, with abuse and later on with love and relationship. It's no story to find some quick relieve, for that you'll have to go look somewhere else. All the persons in my story are completely fiction. If you are not old enough to read this, well I can't tell anyone if you don't tell. So enjoy the reading!
Warning: The first chapter is a bit dark and it deals with rape. So be careful when you read it.
I love getting feedback: firstname.lastname@example.org. Please, be sure to use the title in the subject line. I've some really mean filters that delete way too much, when I don't look.
Sorry it took so long but life, well school got in the way but I'm finally finished with it and have like three weeks before I start to work, so the next chapter shouldn't be too long.
The Lyrics: Believe in Miracles by DSDS
*** Can't stop this Thing we Started ***
Never stop dreaming
Anyplace and anywhere
Yesterday is gone forever
We'll follow a rainbow, we'll make a better world, we swear!
When I woke up again it was silent in the room. I wasn't too worried. I've been in hospital before. I know what to do to get the nurse. The last time, I called like every minute -- I was bored, okay! I was alone in the room and I had nothing to do. The nurses said that I shouldn't do that, they told me every time but they were smiling. They said that when I call them so often and then need nothing, when I really need something one time, no one will come because they think it's not important. But this time I had a roommate. I looked over to him. He lay completely still, but I knew he was awake -- he moved his fingers again and again over this button in his left hand, like he wanted to press it but wasn't sure. His head was turned away from me. It seemed like he was looking out of the window. But I know better! I'm not sure if he noticed I was awake. I moved around my head a couple of times and I didn't get dizzy, so I sat up. I guess he heard the movement cause he turned around. I had to watch myself not to gasp again. It was as if he looked even worse.
"I'm just gonna sit up. Don't worry." I guess I should tell him what I do. I can't imagine what it would be like to not see anything. I would be frightened to death. Just think about that, all these noises and you don't know what they mean. I would go crazy. ... So sitting up goes without dizziness too.
"I'm sitting now. It's cold in here." He shrugs. "I'm only in shorts. Do you know if my Daddy left any clothes?" I wasn't sure but he flinched when I said that. Is he afraid of me? But I didn't do nothing. He shrugs again -- of course, how stupid of me, he couldn't have seen if my Daddy brought something in. I guess I've to look, cause I'm freezing here. It sends shivers down my spine.
"Have your parents been here? Are they angry that someone hurt you?" Okay, I got a definite no on that one. He turns away, is he afraid? But why would he be? But what if his parents know who did it and won't say? Or what if it was his parents and he can't tell anyone cause he can't talk. I'm not sure, should I ask him? But when they send him back home and it happens again? It would be my fault then! I found a T-Shirt on the table and put it on. I'm gonna ask him, wish me luck. I move over to his bed.
"Can I sit down here," I ask him. Maybe he will tell me if I'm closer and needn't talk that loud. He nods and slides to the other end of the bed a bit -- making enough space for me to lie down next to him. I turn my face towards him. Maybe it's better if I just whisper it in his ear. I'll promise him not to tell anyone, or maybe I can show him he can trust Mummy, Papa and Daddy. Daddy will be so angry. It won't happen again. So I scoot even closer to him.
"Can you tell me who did this?" He shrugs. Of course he does, I'm so stupid, he couldn't answer a question like that. I have to giggle. "I'm sorry, that was stupid to ask." He nods and smiles too. "But will you answer me when I ask, who it was?" He seems to think about it. Then he moves his hand over my face. When he finds my mouth he puts his finger over it. I guess he doesn't want me to tell anyone. "You can trust my family, you know. They are really cool and always help others." He shakes his head and puts a bit more force in his finger.
"But if someone hurts you again, I tell. I promise to not say anything now but I will try to bully you in telling Papa. He can help you, you know. He was hurt as a kid too. Not like you, but it was still wrong what they did to him. He knows what to do. But for now I promise to keep silent. So was it someone you know?" He nods and moves closer to me.
"A him?" He softly nods. He moves his arm over me. I can feel his breath on my face. "Was it your father?" He nods again. I see tears rolling down his face. I hug him close to me. He starts to sob. I just hold him really tight. "You know, my parents would never hurt you. You can trust them. They will be really angry with your Dad. They can't stand it when adults hurt kids. They took me in, when my parents threw me out. But I promised, I won't tell anyone." I hold him really close and move my hand over his back and through his hair. I remember when my Papa did this with me. That was when I knew for the first time I was really loved, I hope he feels it too. He is calming down a bit. I can feel it in his breath; it's getting deeper and calmer. He still holds me tight, but it's alright, I could stay here forever. It's feeling good for me too.
If we stay together
Let's make a night to remember
There's a light that guides our way
Oh, anything is possible, we're feeling stronger everyday
"Do you feel better now? I promise to stay here for now and I'll protect you. Forget about happened, it's over I promise." He holds me tighter, but I can feel him nod, so I guess it's okay. I should probably make him think about something else, but what? It's so hard, when I can't ask him too many questions. My Papa made me laugh after I told him what happened and it felt so good. I should do this too, but how? I can't think of a way to make him laugh but I could make him think of something else.
"Did you like the book? It's my favourite!" He nods. "You know the animal in there; my mummy made me one just like that. It's really cute, it has two different ears; one is red and the other is yellow. And his tail is standing up and is green. His body is the funniest -- Mummy didn't have any other cloth anymore, so she took one with flowers on it. The feet are really small and its tummy is nearly touching the floor. I took it everywhere with me at first." I can see him smiling. The animal is really looking funny, but I love it. "Do you want one too? I could ask my mummy to make one for you. Maybe it's gonna look as funny as mine. Then they wouldn't be alone anymore! What do you think?" He doesn't answer me, not even nodding. When I look down at him, I feel him breathing him slow, his grasp had gotten softer too. I guess he must have fallen asleep. It's alright; I can lie here just as well. It's nice to have someone next to you. Now I have to think how to tell my parents what I know. I know I promised but what if they send him back. His father is gonna be so angry. I like him, I really do. I would hate myself if something would happen. He could die! Maybe I should ask Papa to have a talk with him but then, he wouldn't talk with Papa. He doesn't even know him. I remember when Daddy first tried to talk with me, I was so afraid and I had already lived with them for weeks. Maybe I could ask my mummy to make an 'I am me' for him. When she made it for me, she said it can be my best friend and I could tell him everything. Maybe she understands, when I ask her.
"ROBBIE!" ARGH! That's my Daddy. I guess he doesn't like it too much that I stood up. I turn to him, as much as I can.
"Psst! He sleeps now. Don't wake him up!" He comes up to me and sits down in the chair my Mummy sat before. He brushes over my hair and sighs.
"What are we gonna do with you?" I know he doesn't want a real answer on this question. It tells me that he doesn't understand why I did what I did and that he doesn't really like it. "Did he say something to you?" That's easy to answer cause he doesn't talk. I shake my head.
"But I know you know something. If it helps him you have to say it you know!" That's so unfair. He won't tell me more, when I tell now. I hope Daddy understands that. I will just ask him for the animal.
"I can't tell you, please, don't ask. Can Mummy make him an 'I am me'? He would like one, just like mine?" He looks at me funny. I think he figured out that he needs help, could that be? He nods and then smiles.
"Try to get him to tell one of us! We will help him, I promise!" YEAH! Maybe he can stay with me? I would like a little brother but I can't ask yet. It's too early. They have to get to know him at first. He could visit at home for a bit, maybe a weekend? It's easier to talk then maybe?
"So, and now to you, Mister!" Uh oh, I don't like the sound of this. At least this time I didn't do too much wrong. I just left the bed. "What did you do in school to get hit with a ball? I can't believe that you didn't do anything. That's a first, isn't it! I guess it's best if we never ever let you outside again!" He laughs when he says that. I hate it when he does that. He makes fun of me! Oh wait, I'll get back at you. I just have to ask uncle J. Maybe my new brother could help me too!
"Oh no, you won't! Don't you dare to ask Justin to help with any practical jokes. I forbid you. I'm your Dad!" Yeah, it's gonna be so much fun. I can't forget about my lil' bro though now. I still think Papa should talk with him. He is really good at that. He can make you tell him everything, just with the way he looks at you. When I have a secret and I can't tell him, I won't look at him. I learned that already!
"Daddy?" I want him to know that it's something bad that happened. I can't tell him but I could give him a tip. "Can you ask Papa something? Can you ask him to talk to him? He's afraid." That's as much as I can say. Daddy nods and tells me that Papa will be here in an hour or so. I'm tired now too. I guess I will just cuddle with my bro and rest for a bit.
If we all believe in miracles
We all believe in dreams
Wanna share this magic moment now
Forever, yes it seems
If we all believe in miracles
We know our wish comes true
We're living in a fantasy
We see what a dream can do
When I woke up, we were still lying closely together, even though my bro had moved while sleeping. I hope he doesn't mind me calling him so, but I wouldn't know what else to call him. I always wanted to have a brother, a younger one was even better. I have no idea how old he is but he looks so small, so I guess he has to be younger than me. Daddy says I'm small for my age and he is even smaller. He looks so cute lying on me. His head is on my chest and moves every time I breathe. His right thumb is in his mouth. ...
I have to really get my parents to adopt them. He can't go back to his, that's pretty clear. We have enough space and he can share my room if he wants. Money's not a problem -- best I let them find us like this, so they know we are friends already.
That's how Papa found us. He looked around when he came in the room and smiled. He walked over to me and sat down.
"Where's your Daddy and Mummy?" I shrugged, probably visiting someone or talking to the doctors. Papa smiled at me.
"So that's the boy Josh told me about! How did you end up in one bed?" I guess I blushed cause Papa began to laugh. Well, we are a happy family and we do laugh about each other, making jokes that don't hurt none. I don't really want to answer. What should I say? I promised not to tell anything. Okay, so maybe no answer is an answer as well.
"Robbie, look, we can help him, and you know we can but we can't do a thing when we don't know what's going on. Can you help us? You don't want him to be hurt again, do you?" I knew something like that would come, but would I help him if I tell? Then he won't trust me anymore and who can he talk to then? Please, don't make me do that.
"I can't, he tells me things, well he nods and so, alright? He doesn't want me to say, don't make me. I promise to work with him, he will tell you, I promise!" If he's gonna tell anyone, it's Papa. You can tell him everything and he always makes it better.
"Can you talk to him? Tell him, it's okay? That you won't hurt him?" I do the best to make a puppy face, you know look all cute and pleading altogether.
"Okay, you know I can't resist you like that. How about that: You show him he can trust me and I will help him anyway and can. Now is that a deal?" I nod. That's probably the only way it's gonna work anyway. My Papa's really clever. He's going to college. He'll be a doctor someday -- not for me but for animals -- animals which live in the ocean. He takes me out on his boat sometimes and we go swimming. Once we even saw a shark, he wouldn't let me back in the water that day.
"Now this deal calls for some celebration." Yeah, ice-cream -- strawberry and chocolate for me. My Papa knows me.
"So what do you think your friend here would like? Same as you?" That just needs enthusiastic nodding from me.
"You wake him up and I'll get the ice-cream. Tell him what's going on. We don't want him to have a panic attack, do we?" Now that would be bad. It happened to Papa once. It wasn't too long ago. He talked to someone on the phone. I think it was my grandma, the one we never ever see, my Papa's mummy. She doesn't like me and Daddy and Mummy. They were fighting and then she said something and Papa became really silent. He turned white then and was breathing really funny. Daddy came in then, he said something to the person and the phone. He hung up and then cuddled with Papa and me. I helped make him feel better, just like he always does for me. I made him smile and laugh. Mummy and Daddy said they were proud of me and Papa said I'm the bestest son anyone could wish for. So I've to watch him - no funny breathing, I was really afraid then. Now I've to wake him up.
Life is a stranger
Oh what you give is what you get
And maybe it's forever
Moment by moment
It makes you smile,
it makes you sad
"Hey, you! C'mon, wake up." We really have to find him a name. I can't call him 'lil bro' to his face and it sounds so funny if I call him just 'you'.
"Wake up, you want ice-cream, do you?" I can feel him moving, just a bit. I guess that means he's waking up.
"You up? Just move your hand if you are!" He seemed to tense up, when he first woke up and I'm in bed with him. But he calmed down and moved his thumb out of his mouth.
"Good morning, did you sleep alright? I made a comfy pillow, didn't I?" He didn't react to it but I knew he liked it cause he made no move to pull away. That's all I wanted to know anyway.
"Do you like ice-cream? I hope you do cause I just ordered us some. We get strawberry and chocolate. Do you like them?" He started to nod, when I asked the first question but then just shrugged. Now wait a minute! Does that mean, no it couldn't be, he never had ice-cream before? I ask him and he just shakes his head no, that's so mean. It's one thing to hit and hurt someone but to never ever give them ice-cream, that's like really cruel! Now I just have to tell him who brings the ice-cream.
"My Papa was here while you were sleeping. He said we looked really cute, you know. We looked like two brothers. And he said we can have some! He even gets us my favourite. He had to cause we didn't want to wake you up, asking what you would like. Is that alright?" When I said Papa he froze and he didn't move at all anymore. It was as if he even tried to stop breathing, I don't get it. Why would he stop breathing? I hold him real tight cause I'm not sure what to say. Will he believe me when I tell him my Papa's alright and already loves him too? It was his father that did it; he can't think my Papa will do the same. My Papa is not cruel, well he doesn't give me ice cream in the evening cause I can't sleep then. He relaxes a bit but he still lies completely still.
"My Papa is really nice and he wouldn't hurt you. I'm here to protect you, you know. Do you trust me?" I get a tiny bit of a nod. That's alright I guess. We don't know each other long enough to know more.
"How about we do it that way: Papa will come in and give us our ice-cream and then he will move a chair at the other side of my bed. That's really far away and you would hear him move. He can tell us a story then. He has a lot of funny stories about my uncles and what they did when they were kids. They did so many stupid things." He nods. It's a first step, a tiny step but still enough. I will get my Papa to trust him. I have to.
Oh, let us stay together
A moment for a lifetime
The world is in our hands
Now it is the right time, oh please
don't let it end
we all believe in miracles
We all believe in dreams
Wanna share this magic moment now
Forever, forever, forever
Forever we all believe in miracles