Anyplace, Anywhere, Anytime
It's my first attempt to write something like that, so be nice with me! Now it's a story that deals, with kids, with abuse and later on with love and relationship. It's no story to find some quick relieve, for that you'll have to go look somewhere else. All the persons in my story are completely fiction. If you are not old enough to read this, well I can't tell anyone if you don't tell. So enjoy the reading!
Warning: The first chapter is a bit dark and it deals with rape. So be careful when you read it.
I love getting feedback: firstname.lastname@example.org. Please, be sure to use the title in the subject line. I've some really mean filters that delete way too much, when I don't look.
Sorry it took so long but life, well school got in the way but I'm finally finished with it and have like three weeks before I start to work, so the next chapter shouldn't be too long.
The Lyrics: Private Emotion by Ricky Martin
*** Just Older ***
endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray
And it shines on you
Baby, can't you see?
You are the only one
Who can shine for me
Papa's (Nick's) point of view
When Josh called me I was just in between classes and he said he would meet me at home. They had Robbie already settled in a room and he was sleeping. Of course I was worrying, so I wasn't too concentrated on my last lecture for the day. I was worrying why he would want to meet me at home. He said Robbie only had a slight concussion and I'm not the one that's terrified of hospitals. I was praying that nothing bad had happened. I guess I broke all speed limits on the way home. When I entered the house, Josh called out to me from the family room.
"You've been worrying all the way over? There's nothing bad going on, calm down." Josh had taken one look at his partner and knew in his mind he had imagined the worst possible injuries all happening to Robbie. "Robbie is alright. It's just a precaution to have him stay one night at the hospital. It's his roommate we have to talk about." Josh sat down and pulled Nick down with him. Hugging him close, they snuggled for some time before Josh continued to talk. He knew that while Nick had extended psychological therapy over the years, he still was not over the abuse in his childhood and teenage years. Flashbacks and triggers lurked around all the time and more then once had he sleepless nights over the nightmares that still plagued him. All Josh could hope was that the need to help the child was enough to keep all this at bay for the moment. While Josh told him all they knew about the little guy, which was not all that much anyway, he held Nick tight. It was all he could to not start crying with Nick when he listed the more severe and obvious injuries. When he finished he just sat there not saying anything at all. Nick still cried. It was the loss of innocence and the way these kids had to grow up way too fast that always hurt the most. The physical scars were easy to heal but a soul stays damaged for forever.
"You know what that means." It had taken Nick some time to calm down but now he was more determined then before. "We will get another kid. We never ever wanted Robbie to stay alone anyway."
"Nick. Are you sure? It's not gonna be as easy as with Robbie. He was young, too young to remember much, but here it's different. He had to live through it all. He was raped. I won't say we can't help him but think about it carefully -- he will always remind you about what happened to you. You will have to live through it all again; the nightmares, the panic attacks, the distrust and fear."
"I know, but who's better to help him, then someone who lived through it. I know the every day's problems! A therapist knows only that much about what it is really like. And I have you and Charlie. She knows just as much about this as I do. Between us we can help him to have at least a nearly normal live!" Josh smiled. He knew Nick would never back down and deep down he knew all that too but he would forever worry about Nick before anyone else. It was his job.
"Okay, Nick, we will do it your way. The first and foremost thing now is to gain his trust. I mean he was under his blanket before I even had said hello. He was shaking all over just from me in his room. With you, you would at least have me talk to you!" Josh laughed and Nick hit him in the arm.
"Have I just been insulted? Do you want to stay in the hospital with Robbie for the night?" Josh visible shuddered; hospitals and needles where and forever will be something he could do without.
"After a night you would find me sedated in a white room with a straightjacket on. Will you come visit me, please?"
"Everyday when it's visiting time, I solemnly promise. I will even bring you a present. How does that sound." They both started to laugh. For Josh it was good to see Nick laugh and joke around.
"Do you want to shower before we go to the hospital? I promised Charlie to visit a couple of people with her later on! You could see Robbie in the meantime." Reluctantly Nick left the comfortable embrace and went to shower.
When your soul is tired and your heart is weak
Do you think of love as a one-way street?
Well, it runs both ways
Open up your eyes
Can't you see me here?
How can you deny?
So here I'm standing now, in front of Robbie's room - unsure of what to find on the other side. I've been standing here for a couple of minutes already and the nurses start to look funny at me by now.
The first thing I see when I enter is that one bed is empty and both boys were snuggled together in the other.
"Where's your Daddy and Mummy?" Well I'm pretty sure they were visiting someone. Josh said a hurriedly goodbye to me downstairs. I was hoping that Charlie said something to Robbie, but I guess not. They seem to have been sleeping anyway.
"So that's the boy Josh told me about! How did you end up in one bed?" Robbie's face became deep red and I just had to laugh. I mean it's not a bad thing but it's just so Robbie. He knows to stay in bed with a concussion. With the way they are laying he seemed to have comforted the boy so I couldn't be too angry. He probably knows so much more than anyone else about him. If I know him right he has already imagined to the smallest detail what will happen to him.
"Robbie, look, we can help him, and you know we can but we can't do a thing when we don't know what's going on. Can you help us? You don't want him to be hurt again, do you?" I know it is unfair, bullying Robbie to tell me but in the end it's all for a good cause. I hate doing it but I can't help it. Just the way the boy sleeps on Robbie makes it so clearly they belong together. It's gonna be a so long way and even the slightest information can speed things along.
"I can't, he tells me things, well he nods and so, alright? He doesn't want me to say, don't make me. I promise to work with him, he will tell you, I promise! Can you talk to him? Tell him, it's okay? That you won't hurt him?" Robbie has the cutest look on his face. It's the one he knows I can't refuse. I know I will do everything to help him but on the other hand how can I talk to him, when he gets a panic attack every time a male comes near him. I guess him not seeing makes it even worse.
"How about that: You show him he can trust me and I will help him anyway I can. Now is that a deal?" I know just as well that we need something to break the ice. ICE, that's it. Ice-cream -- I've to yet find a boy who doesn't like it. "Now this deal calls for some celebration." I don't have to ask Robbie what he wants. It's always the same -- strawberry and chocolate. The boy is something different -- I don't want to wake him when I'm still here. It would frighten him too much. Robbie has to prepare him for it.
"So what do you think your friend here would like? Same as you?" Robbie's nod is enough for me. "You wake him up and I'll get the ice-cream. Tell him what's going on. We don't want him to have a panic attack, do we?" I can see Robbie is remembering. We normally try to keep him away from my panic attacks. I feel it's too much to bear for a kid. But he was amazing. I guess he was imitating Josh but he made me feel so loved. I leave the room silently -- not willing to have to talk about what happened then to Robbie.
It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it
Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me
Nick needn't look long enough for Charlie and Josh. They were standing right outside.
"So now we know your secret weapon! No wonder Robbie is always behaving. I would be too if I was bribed with ice-cream." Josh smiled and continued. "By the way the little one can have some too; we just finished talking to the doctors. He's pretty much cleared and in here more because no one claimed him yet. All we know is he's six and hasn't been to school yet. So he probably wouldn't be able to write down his name either." Nick sighed; of course he forgot that maybe he could not eat ice-cream yet. It would not help him any when he broke a promise now.
So while Nick went downstairs to get some ice-cream, Josh was going home and Charlie was making a few more visits. They decided it would not do the boy any good, if he was crowded. Nick knew all too well what it felt like. His band mates did all the same when they finally found out what had been going on in his youth. He was left feeling like an animal in a cage with no way to escape. It did not help any and he started to resent the visits. It went so far that he started to pretend to be sleeping so he would not have to deal with it. Of course that led to him finding out way more than he ever wanted but that was a totally different story. He was glad that his thoughts were interrupted and he had to order. Remembering the last time Robbie was here, he ordered a couple of orange and apple juices as well. While at home Robbie had no problem drinking tea and even preferred it most of the time but here in the hospital he absolutely refused to drink any. He said that drinking tea in hospital is for sick people and he was alright! The waiter smiled at his order and put everything in a basket. "Kid's in the hospital, eh? Heard about the kid upstairs yet. Was found in a park an hour away from here, beaten, nearly died, they say. No hospital around there would take him cause he would cost them! Poor little kid." Nick just kept nodding, refusing to say anything. He knew why the kid was taken in here, why a bit of humanity was possible here in the hospital. Between the three of them they had sat up a fund years ago. The money was for the hospital to use, when kids came in, when the parents were too poor to pay for a treatment. Even though they were living in a small town, there were always people around who needed it and it was through this they met Robbie and eventually got to adopt him.
Nick thanked the waiter and made his way back upstairs. He hoped that Robbie had convinced him so far that he could stay in the room. He knew the boy was terrified and every chance of him defending himself has been taken away. He could not see and so running and hiding away, when it became too much was just impossible. In addition he was forced to stay in bed more or less because he was still getting pain medicine through an IV.
When he entered the room Robbie looked up to him and smiled.
"My Papa just came in, he's a basket in his hands, full with all goodies for us, right?"
"Yeah, I got a couple of juices as well. I got apple and orange, do you like them sweety?" Nick watched the boy closely. He froze up completely when Nick started to talk. Robbie tightened his arms around him and the boy clasped his free hand tight around Robbie's. It seemed to give him enough strength to nod.
"That's good, cause I've brought enough for a whole football team. You have to help Robbie drink it; we wouldn't want him to be sick, would we?" Nick did not expect an answer to his question, when he saw the boy slightly moving his head, saying no.
"Now, I'm still standing right inside the room and the ice-cream is melting. Do you both want to stay like that while eating?" The little one was rigorously nodding.
"Ahm, Papa, I thought you could sit down on the other side of my bed and like tell us a story, talk all the time?" Nick could not help but smile. He found it sweet that Robbie made it out to be completely his idea.
Nick gave both ice-creams to Robbie, put the basket down on the table and moved the chair. All the time he was talking, so that the boy knew where he was.
Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray
It takes a lot to laugh as your tears go by
But you can find me here 'til your tears run dry
To be continued...