Are You Scared Yet?

Chapter Six

So, now it might be time to briefly summarize things, starting with my first glimpse of Carlie. He was nice-looking and he seemed to be very friendly, so already I was feeling good about my situation.

Then, not more than five minutes later, Holy Mother of God! He's not wearing underwear!

So now I was feeling even better, because he obviously wasn't much for modesty.

Although due to my being well-bred, I at least had a little, but of course Carlie took care of that later on that night, so that made things better still.

Or at least once our joy ride was over with, it did.

It did, because without anything being said about it we ended up in the same bed and both of us were naked, and not only that, apparently this was going to be our sleeping arrangement for as long I was there!

So the first time I touched his bare ass that night... well, it was just sublime, and that's all I can say about it.

Day two, came the jerk off contest. So getting a good look at it the first time was awesome, but being able to watch him doing it with him apparently just as interested in watching me... well! I mean, how much better could it get?

Obviously I hoped that it would get a lot better and even though I didn't have much experience, I had a feeling that it probably would.

And sure enough, that night it did. Wrestling naked was wonderful, but then we reached the part where we were jerking each other off. So you know, like wow!

Well, of course, because I could tell that he wasn't likely to be having any second thoughts about it, so we'd probably be doing that at least once every day and sometimes even more than that. I was fairly sure of this.

So I was already past anything I'd managed before and then Earl happened. OMG. This was way way beyond anything I'd ever experienced, and once again, it looked like we were just barely getting started.

Only the next day – Wednesday – almost nothing happened. Except for having Internet again and hearing from Stephan that night, but sexually speaking, nothing much and I was getting impatient.

Patience isn't one of my virtues. Although, near as I can tell, it's not likely to be a virtue of any thirteen-year-old. (I once googled “typical thirteen-year-old behavior” and no, it's not.)

But I guess that concludes my summary.

Only the next day...


Well, technically, the next day started at around 2 A.M. when Carlie finally crawled into bed beside me, shook me awake and announced that he'd fixed that damn truck. So he was proud of himself, but right at that moment I wasn't too thrilled. I'd only had two hours of sleep, after all.

But Carlie can be a bit hyper at times, and then there are some other times when he's almost out of control, and it didn't take me long to figure out that this was going to be one of those other times. And another thing about him is that his enthusiasm can be infectious and, sure enough, after a minute or so I felt myself becoming infected. Just mildly though, because like I said, it was two o'clock in the morning.

Or at least, at first it was only a mild thing. That's another thing about being thirteen, I think: if you like the other person enough that you're not tempted to hit him over his head with the nearest heavy object you can get your hands on, you will soon find yourself wanting to do more. But still, I was pooped when I went to sleep, so finally I said, “All right, all right! I'm glad you fixed it. I don't think Earl is going to be too happy about it, but I'm hap-”

“Oh, you're thinking about how Abe's not supposed to be driving, right? Well, I've got that figured out. ... Or at least I think I do. See, I-”

“You've figured out Abe. Well, that's good, Carlie. But will you shut up?” and without even thinking about it, I pulled him up close. But it was only a cuddle. Except for one of my thighs being wedged between his, because that felt good! So even though it might not be typical thirteen-year-old behavior, I wanted it to stay that way. At least until after a few more hours of sleep.

Carlie giggled. “So you want to go to sleep like this? ... It feels pretty good. So you want to?”

“Sure” I said sleepily, “Let's.”

So it was still getting better because that was another new experience for me. First time cuddling with Carlie and going to sleep that way.


Then, at a little past seven, when I woke up with Carlie practically on top of me, that's when things really and truly started getting better. Feeling his breath on the side of my face, feeling just how soft and warm he was... wonderful. Sublime, almost.

Only then it got even better when I felt him getting hard again. So let's see, what's better than sublime? (Sublime: “The term especially refers to a greatness with which nothing else can be compared and which is beyond all possibility of calculation, measurement or imitation.”)

Okay, that's one definition, but I still say feeling it soft unquestionably was sublime, but then feeling it starting to get hard and slowly start inching up my side was even better. It really was nice. In fact, it was downright heavenly.

Except for one problem. Having just woken up, I needed to pee. So I don't suppose it was exactly like heaven, then. Heaven would be waking up like that and not needing to go, but I was where I was, so I sighed, carefully extricated myself and hurried down the hall. Then, once that was taken care of, I scurried back to our room hoping he was still in bed. And he was, but he was also awake and now he had to go.

But that's okay, because before rushing off, he looked back at me and said, “Don't go anywhere, okay?” and then he grinned, so...

So okay, I have a question then: if heaven is as good as it can ever be, then what do you do for an encore? I mean, sooner or later, don't you think you might want to try for something even beyond that?

Well, I sure would, and soon as he returned I was happily going for it. We both were, even though at first we were just jerking each other off again, only this time I'd suggested seeing how long we could make it last. So Carlie thought that was a good idea, and it wasn't long until I was breathlessly visiting every interesting place I could think of. Including back there. Earl and I had agreed that it was all right to rub and squeeze his butt and beyond that, Earl had rubbed his finger across my hole, so I figured I'd see how Carlie reacted to it.

“Ohhh!” he squeaked. Or maybe he moaned, but whatever, it was a favorable reaction, and then when he started doing the same to me... well, I thought that was even more favorable. We weren't poking, just lightly rubbing on various places with one hand while slowly pulling on each other's dicks with the other. But to say the least, we were becoming very passionate, and once that point is reached one has a tendency to give into one's urges, you know?

He had his eyes closed and the look on his face... he was just totally blissed out. He was wiggling around and leaking some precum, so it was getting ever more slippery and a bit pungent. He was right on the verge! So naturally I was pretty blissed out as well.

I was already up close to him, so I scooted down a little more, made an experimental O shape with my mouth (I felt like I needed to, because his was bigger around than Earl's) then I took a deep breath and down I went. “I'm do- ??!!!

Or to put it another way, my timing was off. My mouth closed around his slippery glans, he gasped, and squirt. Squirt squirt – or at least in that neighborhood and to be honest, I thought it was something less than sublime. I really don't think one second should count. I didn't even feel it jerk! So I sure didn't have time to savor anything.

Including the end result, actually. “He swallowed greedily.” That's a phrase I've run across a few times and I guess in Earl's case, I might've - because if you're being wanton, then you're certainly not concerned about being polite – although in his case, there wasn't very much to swallow, but in Carlie's, it wasn't a question of being greedy, it was more like self-defense. It was only my third time, (and my first with him), so there were things to be learned yet. Like for example: if someone seems to be “right on the verge”, then there's a fairly good chance that he really is, so you need to hurry and not waste time making experimental O shapes.

So we were both shocked, even if we had different reasons for it. I don't care how motivated you are, the first time you get more than a watery jet – especially if it happens so all at once as it did – it's a shock, and in Carlie's case...

“Damn, Nathaniel, I wasn't expecting... well, I just wasn't... hey, you okay? I mean... I wasn't expecting you to... really, you okay? I mean, I'm sorry, but-”

“Um...” (cough cough) “I didn't...” (wheeze) “Exactly expect-” (cough) “you to-”

“Just take some deep breaths, okay? ... You'll be okay. Just try to relax.”

He'd stopped pulling, but he hadn't let go of it. He was just rubbing it gently and squeezing every once in awhile, so it seemed like he was reacting fairly well. Shrinking back in horror, that would not have been so good, and in fact, some boys would have been pretty upset at that point. It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of, but that's still how it is.

But it looked like he was taking it in stride and I was almost through coughing, so I grinned a bit crookedly and asked, “So... you scared yet?”

Carlie giggled. “It depends, Nathaniel. ... You do that to everybody you meet?”

“Um... well... no, up till now I've always been fairly circumspect, but-”

“You really like using the big words, don't you? Just what in the hell does circumspect mean?”

I shrugged apologetically. “It means my friends thought I was normal as I could be, except maybe for wanting to use big words. ... In the sixth grade, one time they confiscated my Thesaurus.”

“So...” (he stopped and looked at me quizzically, then he shrugged and continued) ... “Well, I'm not an expert, but I sort of have the feeling that you haven't ever done anything like that before. So was it worth it?”

“I didn't think it was the gawd awfullest thing in the history of the universe, if that's what you mean. It was just a little sudden, that's all. I wasn't expecting it quite that soon. You need to work on slowing yourself down a little, you know?”

“Yeah... you're probably right...” (then he sort of laughed) ... “but anyway...” (and all at once, my hopes started soaring up and away again) ... “say it's not that bad, huh?”

“No, not really,” I said. I was trying to sound neutral. I doubt if I was successful, but I did try.

Well, let's see.” (And then he kissed it! Just barely, but he did), and then he pulled back, made a face, and said, “You're right, Nathaniel. It's not the gawd awfullest thing in the history of the universe.”

“Oh, it's not,” I assured him.

But soon as he was mostly over his giggle attack... “Well, I guess there's a first time for everything, huh?” and then... OMG again!

I'm not making this up, though. Just before that wet warmth enveloped my entire being – and that's exactly what it feels like – I almost told him he didn't have to do it if he didn't want to, but I quickly decided that that would be the stupidest thing ever.

So before long I was squeaking. It was no time for howling, so I just squeaked softly. And I also wiggled quite a bit because I wasn't as fast on the trigger, and that worked out awfully good. Sublime had just been redefined again!

By the time it was over, it had, because one: he knew about keeping his teeth out the way (he'd heard some guy talking about getting a blow job from his girl friend), two: only four inches and slightly skinny meant deep-throating was possible (although I liked him working on my bulb a little more) and three: after a minute or so, he also started poking a finger up my butt. Possibly he was only trying to find my starter button, but it definitely added another dimension to things.

In fact, if the idea is to not make a lot of noise, then you probably shouldn't poke somebody back there. I'd poked myself a few times and it felt decent enough, but once again, having someone else doing it was about ten times better, and that was just one finger! With nothing but sweat for lubrication, I'm fairly sure one finger was my limit, but it was very persistent. I had to bite my lips just to keep from making too much noise.

I was until I was right on the verge, I knew I was, so in a quietly urgent tone of voice I said, “I'm about to lose it.” I didn't know if he wanted to go the whole route or not, so the decent thing to do would be to warn him before it happened.

But if anything, he only redoubled his efforts, and he also pushed that finger in about as far as it would go, so that did it. It had to be a new personal best, and he swallowed every bit of it!

Then he let it slide out and he sighed. “Well, that really wasn't so bad. So I guess we'll have to do it some more, huh?”


So on one hand, I felt like I'd died and gone to heaven, but on the other, I was having to deal with that moral dilemma I mentioned at the end of the last chapter. It was a dilemma though, and not a crisis. My mom's the one who's always having crises.

But maybe I was almost having a crisis. All I wanted was a nice uncomplicated summer-long orgy – before then, I'd never been involved in one, so I was really looking forward to it, but what if that wasn't what Earl wanted?

Well, screw him. He oughta know that if me and Carlie are sleeping in the same bed, things are going to happen. Including that back there thing, because apparently that's what he wants to try sooner or later. Probably sooner, in fact. And... well, okay, it felt pretty good, so...”

So I didn't feel bad about what had just happened, but...

Oh good. Now I'm feeling guilty because I'm not feeling guilty. I swear, I'm worse than my mom!”

So I was having a something, then. On one hand, Earl and I had more or less agreed to slowly ratchet things up with Carlie (and the idea was to get them together, I'd promised I'd help all I could with that as well), but on the other, clearly Carlie wasn't inclined to go slow. Not at all.

So maybe Earl and I could talk about this some more, then. If I were to do something for him first... I mean, it wasn't in the Sydney Carton category of noble things to do – “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done before” and all that – but still, it was decent, so if nothing else, I could honestly tell myself that I'd tried.

And so once we got out of the shower and were dressed, I started, “So. What else we going to do today?”

“Probably see Earl. ... You think I should drive the truck over?”

That was good, because Earl was who I wanted to talk about. (But I did point out that he probably shouldn't drive over. I thought it would be better if he told Earl about it first.)

“Yeah, maybe,” Carlie agreed, “So-”

Then I interrupted him with what I really wanted to talk about. Starting with, “You and him are pretty good friends, right?”

“Well, I guess so. We're always running around with each other, so we must be.” Then after a short pause he added, “And it seems like you're getting along with him pretty good too, all that stuff you're doing on the computer and all.”

Yeah, once I got to know him... yeah, I like him. But...” (Okay, now what?)

I really wasn't sure, so for a minute or so, I was just staring thoughtfully up at the ceiling when Carlie resumed, “So... I've been thinking... and I know how dangerous that is... but anyway... well, what we were doing just now... you think that makes us queer?”

Yes! Well, maybe. “Well, I'm not an expert, but the way I've heard it, boys our age experiment. Not everyone, but it's not uncommon. It's no big deal, because after awhile, lots of us will end up getting married. Not all of us, but it's really not a big deal, because right now we're just horny. So we're just acting our age, that's all.”

... “Um... Well, Earl doesn't act that way... does he?” (Yes! Yes!)

Followed by a deep breath. “Well... Well, okay. You have to promise not to tell him I told you this... because what I mean is, I think he'll tell you himself, but... well, you know, we were in that house all day without our clothes and... he acts about like we do, okay?”

“You're kidding. You mean...” He was looking at me very intently. Almost the same way Earl had looked.

So I was starting to get the feeling that this might end up being complicated after all, but I quickly added, “Well, yeah. We ended up doing... pretty much the same thing, you know? But like I said, let him tell you. You have to promise not to... oh shit. You haven't promised anything yet. So you're not going to tell him I told you this, right? Not any of it, okay? ... Promise?”

“I promise. I swear. But what did you end up doing?”

Oh... well... let's just say that you're the second boy I didn't act normal around. ... Except like I said, we really were acting normal... at least for our age, but the thing is, he asked if me and you were messing around any... like we were, not like today... and anyway, he finally forced it out of me and I hope you're not upset that I told him, but... well see, the thing is, he really likes you. A lot, okay?But he's real nervous about telling you, so...”

Really? You're not making this up?” Almost exactly like Earl.

“No, I'm not. I mean, why would I? Really, he likes you. But you're not supposed to tell him I told you so, okay? Let him tell you first, all right?”

“Well, how am I going to do that?” he asked eagerly, “Got any ideas?”

“Damn, Carlie. You've known him a lot longer than I have.”

“Well, let's think of something, then.”

Well, we could start out with an orgy, that's always a good ice-breaker, but...

But finally I started, “Um... well, okay, let me ask you something else, then. Before me, you ever mess around with anyone else?”

“No, not really.”

“So I'm just asking, but why me, then?”

Carlie asked, “You really want to know?”

Well, now I sure do!”

I just had a feeling, that's all. First time you were watching me undress. You weren't real obvious about it, but I had a feeling and I just wanted to.”

“Oh. ... Well, I had a feeling about you too, if you want to know the truth, but yeah, I was watching and I hope I can keep doing it, but anyway-”

“I don't know why you can't. I'm probably an exhibitionist anyway. You think so?”

“Uh, yeah, I do. Think so,” I finally managed, “but anyway, I didn't know where to start, so you started it, right? By scaring me out of my clothes, only I don't think you should do that to Earl. But what I'm trying to say is, maybe you ought to start something.”

“I got an idea!” exclaimed Carlie.

“You're not going to try scaring him, are you?”

No, he's used to me doing that. But I'll help him out in the garden today and after awhile I'll say that I'm getting hot and I'll get naked again. And I'll ask him if he wants to do the same. So no problem there because he's not shy, so pretty soon I'll start picking at him and once he starts chasing me... well, like you said, we'll just see what happens, right?”

At our age, I don't know if there is such a thing as an orthodox approach, but even so, I was sure his way of breaking the ice could work fairly well. We sort of practiced first. He started wrestling on me, then he grabbed it. Simple.

Although it might work better if he were to first be on top of him, face to face, cheek to cheek and they would be able to feel their hearts beating together - which would be incredibly cool – and they might also be dick to dick... but if it was me on the bottom and I liked the person on top of me, then I'd surrender.

So I mentioned that to him as well, along with the fact that I'd like to try it with him and/or Earl sometime myself. Because I'm not that noble, and I wanted to stay in the picture. I didn't want to be a third wheel and I didn't want to feel like one.

And I also didn't want to feel like I deserved to be one, so I just hoped it all worked out okay.

Only I was beginning to think it might not be that easy. Carlie still liked Earl. A lot. I could tell. And Earl liked Carlie a lot, so...

So, maybe I could just end up being their sex slave. Maybe....


Carlie left a little after 8:30. I could tell he was nervous, but he also looked resolved, so I guessed before much longer he was going to be very happy. And of course Earl would be as well, so at least I still felt almost good about myself.

But of course I also couldn't help feeing glum. It's not easy being a wonderful human being, especially when you're having to fight off pangs of jealousy.

But oh well, 'tis a far better thing that I have done than I have ever... “But don't you think you could have waited just a little longer before you did it?I mean, really, what would it have hurt if... oh shit.”

So I still had mixed emotions. Only, what was done was done. Shit, shit, shit.

Finally though... “Well, I wonder if there's anything from Stephan yet.”

I told myself there might not be, but since it was a little after nine by then, it was at least possible because it was two hours later back in New York. So I logged on and...

Nothing yet. Damn.

But actually, now would be a good time to add some more about him.

I've thought about it, that if I'd never met him before and if I were to see him in a group picture of thirty random boys all about my age, he probably wouldn't be the first to catch my eye. Assuming that they were all as expressionless as possible, because in that case, odds are, there would be at least ten I'd notice before getting to him. He's not plain-looking, but I wouldn't place him in the “ungodly cute” category either. He's not all that noticeable at first. But when he smiles, then you notice. Or at least I sure did. So after I got to know him, I wondered how I could've not noticed him before because we went to the same school. He was in 7-B while I was in 7-A (it's all done alphabetically), but still, there's no telling how many times we'd passed by each other.

Like I said though, I still was assuming that he was too nice to think about playing sex games and discovering that he was in the boys' choir at St. Pat's only reinforced that feeling.

(But I've seen boys' choirs on YouTube and I never once thought any of the good-looking boys were above being human, so I guess as far as Stephan was concerned, I was still going on my preconceived notions.)

And I was still operating on those assumptions when the question about audiences with The Holy Father came up in my religion class. Near as I can tell, it probably should be capitalized (audience) and if I'd just gone ahead and done that, it would have been a lot less trouble, but I didn't want to. Just like I'm not going to capitalize hell or purgatory, because...

Well, just because, okay? I mean, I subscribe to the belief that if you're going to a Catholic school then it's probably a good idea not to question too many things in religion class – no matter how much it might strain at the boundaries of credulity...

So maybe I should rephrase that. My parents subscribed to the idea that I should just go along with it and the bottom line was: I still wanted to get my allowance.

But having said that, I still don't think I should have had that much credit taken off my paper just because I didn't capitalize audience. It wasn't like I was questioning the doctrine of Papal infallibility or anything like that, so the Sister and I got into an argument about it and I suppose at times I can be a bit full of myself and I also have an unfortunate tendency of wanting to get in the last word, so it really was interesting. Sister Sarah just doesn't take criticism very well, so I ended up being sent to the office.

It was only my third visit in two years, because for the most part I was well-behaved. I'd been going to Catholic schools since kindergarten because the fact is they're way better than the public schools. They're better academically and you also don't have to worry about being mugged. Going home can be a different matter, but in school, no. So while in other places or in another time I might have found Catholic school to be a pain in the butt – in more ways than one, I've heard – it wasn't the case there. If you're sent to the office, about the worse you can expect is after-school detention for awhile or maybe a note to your parents. That and getting an earful from Father Macallinny, but really, he wasn't a bad guy at all. I guess the worst was when I had my Thesaurus confiscated - you should never underestimate what a sixth grader can do with a word like “masticate” – but even then I almost got the impression that he was having to force himself to act upset. (And nothing bad came out of it that day either, just a stern talking-to and I promised that from then on out I'd capitalize Papal audiences, so no problem.)

In fact it worked out very well, because apparently there were a few other discipline problems that day, so I had to wait out in the hall with Stephan.

That's right, Stephan Traffanstedt. I was shocked. But of course I was also happy, because like I said, even though I'd been noticing him in the halls quite a bit by then, I was still operating on all those preconceptions I mentioned. Well, apparently he wasn't always well-behaved after all!

Actually, though, this was his first visit to the office, so he was pretty nervous.

I shrugged nonchalantly. I mean, I was already an old hand at this, so I told him, “Oh, he's not all that bad. I mean, it's not like you're going to get whipped or anything; he probably won't even raise his voice. But... well, what did you do? If you don't mind my asking, that is.”

(Nervous giggle) ... “I told Julian to go fuck himself.”

My eyes widened. For two reasons, one: I'd never imagined him cussing before and two: Julian Pryor isn't someone you want to mess with. Julian was the biggest, meanest asshole in the seventh grade. So even though I could see why you might want to say that to him, I couldn't imagine saying it to his face. So finally I managed, “You can't be serious.”

“Oh don't worry, unless he knows Italian, he doesn't know what I said. But the problem is, Sister Angela overheard me. How was I supposed to know she knew Italian?”

“Oh. ... Well, maybe Father Macallinny doesn't know any.”

“Yeah, well, if he didn't, he does by now.”

And he did in fact, but possibly due to the fact Stephan had no priors – or Pryors, for that matter - he got out of it with only a week's after-school detention. But that's also when we really started hitting it off, because from then on out we walked to the subway together. I even waited for him while he was doing his detention - not that Julian couldn't have beaten both of us up, but still, maybe facing danger together tends to cement a friendship. Fortunately, though, I don't guess Julian ever found out what “vaffanculo” means. It means “go fuck yourself.”

But it was after discovering that he wasn't so pure after all that I really started falling in love even if I never told him so. And if that's a dumb reason, well, non me ne frega niente. (“I don't give a damn.” That's Italian too.)

And as for what this detour to Stephan is all about, well, he was about to re-enter the picture again. I checked my email around ten, still telling myself there probably wouldn't be anything, (and if there wasn't, I still shouldn't worry about it), but then my heart started racing, because...

Hi again Nathaniel,

It's me. This might not be as organized as I'd like, but I have to sneak around to send it.

But the first thing I want to say is that I never thought you had anything to do with it. You didn't know, and I believed that all along. I'm not sure what my parents think though.

Well, they say that you probably didn't, so at least there's that much, but still, it's like my getting in touch with you wouldn't look right. I know that sounds stupid, but that's the best they can come up with.

Only this week I've found out more. They'd be pissed if they knew I was telling you this, which is also stupid, because it'll probably end up being on the news, but the deal is, my dad really did have a lot of money invested in your dad's scheme, only most of it wasn't his. So he's no better than your dad. They both got greedy.

Like I said, this is going to be kind of disorganized, but I think at first he was thinking he could keep it hid - just some more creative bookkeeping - but I guess it finally dawned on him that sooner or later it was going to come out, so now plan B is to come clean. And who knows, that might work. CEOs make risky investments like in the housing market, then when the market goes bust, they just guessed wrong, right? So basically, that's what he's saying, that he made an investment not knowing that it was a scam.

I have no idea why in some cases, whoever is in charge might think it would be better to sweep it under the rug, but I have a feeling this isn't going away that simple. Because he's hired a lawyer. This really sucks, but it could mean some jail time. It's that serious.

I'm not sure if that explains why they took my cell phone though. Guess you probably figured something was going on when you found out my number wasn't in service, but that's why. (Yeah, I'm rushing. So again, sorry if this isn't too organized.)

So I'm worried, but right now, I have no idea what's going to happen. My mom's going to Mass almost every morning, I think if they'd let her, she'd join a Convent and as for me, they're talking some about me going to live with my sister. Only I'm not sure if I'd be welcome. I don't know really, but at least they've talked about it.

I really wish you were here now, because I think you're the best friend I ever had. I hope you don't mind my saying that, but that's how I feel. I don't want to sound like a wuss, but since it might be awhile until we see each other again, I just wanted to say that, okay?

Well, I hope it is, but at least I can still check my email. So I'd love to hear from you whenever you have some time.

Especially tomorrow night. Because until sometime Sunday, my rents are going to be at my uncle's out on the Island (he's a lawyer too, so you can probably guess what that's about) but I finally convinced them I could take care of myself for at least a weekend, so...

So until then, I guess maybe I should just hit the send button on this.

So talk to ya later, G.


P.S. You still have your webcam, right? Hope so. But anyway,

bye for now.


I reread that email several times, but the one line that I kept going back to was: “I think you're the best friend I ever had.” That was going to be scrolling across as my new screen saver, there was no doubt about it. Only now I felt even more mixed up.

Go back through the paragraph that had my new screen saver in it and there's: “I really wish you were here now,” (sad) “because I think you're the best friend I ever had.” (!!!!) “I hope you don't mind my saying that, but that's how I feel.” (I didn't mind.) “I don't want to sound like a wuss,” (Well, me neither, but that's okay.) “but since it might be awhile until we see each other again,” (sad again) “I just wanted to say that, okay?”

But at any rate, what I eventually pieced together was 1: he was the best friend I'd ever had. (There's no particular order to this, by the way.) 2: While that didn't mean that he was gay, it was possible, but whether he was or not, I really thought he could accept my saying that I was. 3: Although I wasn't going to say that right away. 4: But I was eventually. 5: But I still had no idea when I'd be seeing him again. It could be two or three years or even longer. 6: Although at least I'd be seeing him on webcam fairly soon. I didn't know what he had in mind, but even if it was just being able to see each other's faces, it would be fantastic. 7: But the way he posed that question about web-camming sounded interesting. Very.


I don't know why you fall in love. I can't explain why I was in love with Stephan from the time I discovered he knew how to cuss in Italian, and I can't explain why I kept falling more in love, but I did. And I still was, that much I was certain of. “You're the best friend I ever had.” After that, there was no question about it. So in spite of us being 1850 miles apart, I couldn't stop hoping that somehow, someway, it was still going to work out the way I wanted it to. No matter how illogical, there was no way I could let go of it.

But having said that, I wasn't thinking in terms of swearing off sex until it happened. I liked Carlie and I liked Earl. I liked them both a lot.

All I wanted was just some nice uncomplicated sex, though. Was that too much to ask for? I didn't know if it was or not, but somehow, I had the feeling that it might soon be anything but uncomplicated.

I was trying to maintain a positive attitude while being a good sport, but it occurred to me that Carlie and Earl might be wanting some privacy for awhile. Hopefully, only for a day or so – or maybe even less than that – but still, I guessed it was possible. And if that was to be the case, well, fine, because you know what? I'd be wanting some too. While Stephan and I were web-camming, definitely!

Because it did sound interesting.

In the next chapter, among other things, Nathaniel starts learning how to drive.

Copyright 2010: all rights reserved. Please do not reprint, repost or otherwise reproduce this or any part thereof anywhere without my written permission.

J.J. Janicki