Date: Thu, 23 May 2002 15:55:15 -0400 From: Stan Unknown Subject: Chapter 18 of Beating The Odds Chapter Eighteen When Jimmy and Josh walked to the front of the library, everyone but Brian had finished eating. But Brian had also brought a bigger lunch than anyone else. Dave was sitting at the teacher's desk facing the rest of the students when he glanced up and saw them first. He stopped in the middle of a sentence and stared with his mouth open at first, then broke into a wide smile. One by one, they all noticed and turned around to see what he was staring at. What they saw was Jimmy and Josh walking closer, holding hands. "I don't believe it," Kevin said. "Neither do I," Tim answered. "What?" Brian asked, as he finished a bite of his second sandwich. He turned around and saw them holding hands and said, "What the fuck?" "Brian, watch the language. You're still in school. But I kind of agree with the question," Dave laughed. Jimmy and Josh walked in front of everyone and stopped. Neither said anything for a moment, then Jimmy said, "Say it." "Um ... Um ... I'm not very good at this...Look ...I'm sorry...I know I've been a jerk to everyone all day... If you..." he stopped and looked at Jimmy, who just smiled and shook his head yes. Josh sighed and said, "If you'll give me another chance, it won't happen again." Everyone was silent. Dave finally said, "It takes a big man to apologize. I think we ought to forgive him and give him another chance. What does everyone think?" "I'll forgive him on one condition," Ryan said. Josh just stared at him, but Jimmy asked, "What's that?" "I want a ride in his car," Ryan laughed. "It looks awesome." "Me too," Rob yelled. "Look, I'll give anyone a ride in my car that wants one," Josh grinned, clearly proud of his car. "I think I might like to ride in my boyfriend's car myself," Jimmy said, grinning at Josh. "I can't believe you guys are boyfriends. I'm happy for you both, but what the Hell happened back there at lunch?" Jim asked. "It's kind of a long story," Jimmy said, blushing. "It isn't even 1 o'clock yet. We still have over four hours. Maybe this would be a good idea how to really get to know each other. You and Josh start by telling what happened in the last thirty minutes and then each couple can tell how they met. I think we'll all be lots better friends when we finish," Dave said. "I think that's a great idea," Neal answered. "Me t too," Bruce said. "Sorry about the stuttering crack before," Josh said to Bruce. Then he turned to Tim. "And I really didn't mean anything about what I said about you, either." "You aren't the first person to call me that," Tim answered. "And you won't be the last. But I guess I'm pretty sensitive about it." "I'm really sorry. I know that had to hurt," Josh said seriously. "It's OK. Just don't do it again or I'll sick Kevin on you," Jimmy laughed. Josh laughed with him. "Kevin, Are we Ok?" Kevin just stared at him. But then he said, "I guess so. You seemed to have changed a little too fast for my taste. I'm the kind of person who holds a grudge. We're fine for now. I guess I just have to see if you are going to stay this Josh or suddenly revert back to the Satanic Josh," he said, as he laughed. Josh laughed with him. Everybody did. "Look, I'll be good, I promise. My trainer here has already read me the riot act. But I could have taken you, man," Josh grinned. "You wish," Kevin laughed. "Ok, so you've changed. You're gay now?" Brian asked. "No, I'm not gay now. I've always been gay. I was just scared to admit it. Haven't you ever been scared to admit it?" Josh asked Brian. "Me? Sure. I thought I would have been thrown out of my house if my old man ever had any idea I was gay. You won't believe my story," Brian answered. "I have a feeling that everyone has an interesting story to tell. I think we should start with Jimmy and Josh first. Then take turns. If we're all going to be friends, I think we should share more of ourselves with each other. Everything we say stays here in our group. Agreed?" Dave asked. Everyone nodded their heads. And "Gay Teens Unite" was born. They just didn't know what they were going to name the group yet. ***************** "Ok, I've been thinking I was gay for a long time," Jimmy said. "Two or three years, at least. But I was class president. I had to date the most popular girl. It was expected. We're still going together. She wants to be a virgin when she marries, which is fine with me. Yeah, we have kissed lots of times and fooled around, and it did get me a little excited, but not fully hard, you know?" he asked the other guys. "Yeah, it was the same with me and Melissa," Jim said. "She wanted to go all the way but I told her that I didn't think we were ready. That was just an excuse. I just didn't think it would stay hard enough to do it," Jim answered, as he blushed slightly. "I was the same way with Mary. I really liked her, but I just wasn't sexually attracted to her," Brian said. "But I fought it. I just said to myself, `You can't be gay. None of your friends will understand. And my parents will kill me'. So I just kept myself in denial all this time," Jimmy continued. "So wha what changed your mind?" Bruce asked. Jimmy just smiled and looked at Josh. "It's really kind of funny. I guess I really knew I was gay when Josh kissed me the first time today. I fought to get away from him then, but I really liked it. I REALLY LIKED IT! And no matter what I did, I couldn't get him out of my mind. Oh my God, what are my friends going to think about this?" Jimmy yelled. "So, I'm going to embarrass you all over school? Maybe this is a bad idea," Josh said, hurt. "No, baby, I'll deal with it. I love you too much to lose you now," Jimmy said, as he went over and kissed Josh quickly on the lips. He withdrew and Josh just sat back with a smug look on his face. "Go on, Jimmy," Jim said. "Ok, anyway, all I could think about was that kiss and who he was. I was falling for him and I kept thinking, this guy is a total ass hole. What are you thinking?" Jimmy said. "Is this like a love poem to me?" Josh asked. "Give me a break. Think of how you acted earlier. I've got lots of work to do to you to get you into shape, buddy," Jimmy laughed. "All I get is compliments," Josh kidded. Everyone laughed. Then Jimmy said, "I decided that I had to find out once and for all if I was attracted to him. So I took him a drink and a bag of chips. I was going to split my lunch with him and see what happened. And then he attacked me again." "So, I'm a mad rapist, too?" Josh asked. Jimmy laughed, but then said, "No, but I guess I'm a pushover for a big, strong man. I guess you swept me off my feet." "Ok, that `s better. Just remember I'm the man in this relationship," Josh kidded. "Geez, you guys seem like you've been together for years. What really did happen back there?" Kevin asked. "Before or after I ripped his clothes off?" Josh laughed. "In between," Kevin said. "Ok. I guess it's my turn," Josh answered. "No, I didn't rip his clothes off. But I felt a spark when I first kissed him, too. Sorry, I just can't tell you any more now," Josh said, as he got up and walked around the room. "Hey, that's cool, bro. Maybe it should be our turn. I don't think any of you have met your boyfriend in jail, have you?" Jim asked. All heads turned towards him, including Josh's. And then he started their story... ***************** "So your father's still in jail?" Kevin asked. "I have no idea. Honestly, I really don't care. I don't want to ever see him again. Jim's Dad and Mom are my family now. I know how that sounds. Like I don't care about my own Mom and Dad. But that isn't the case. None of you have any idea how it was for me growing up," Brian answered, as he hung his head. Jim laid an arm around his shoulders and comforted him as best as he could. "Bullshit!" Kevin said under his breathe, but loud enough for Brian to hear. "You don't believe me? My Dad beat me every time I gave him any type of reason when I was growing up. He also threatened my Mom constantly, even though I never actually saw him hit her. None of you have any idea how that feels to grow up in that kind of situation," Brian said, as a tear went down his cheek. Kevin got up and walked around. "So what did you do to deserve your beatings? You had to have done something wrong every time." "No, it was like he was just looking for an excuse. It was for lots of little things. My room wasn't clean enough to suit him. I spilled a drink. I didn't eat all my dinner and was wasting food. I missed a spot when I washed his car. Lots of stupid reasons." "Well, it still sounds like you probably deserved it. No Dad would beat his son for no reason at all," Kevin said. "How do you know? Your Dad probably never touched you in your whole life," Brian said angrily. "Oh yeah? How do you think I got these?" Kevin yelled, as he turned around and lifted up the back of his shirt. His back plainly had a lot of old scars from previous beatings. "Hey, I'm sorry," Brian said. "I didn't know." "Neither did I," Tim said, as he got up and walked over to Kevin. "Tim please. Not right now, Ok? I just need to be by myself for a few minutes," Kevin said, as he turned around and ran out of the room. "Dave, I've got to go to him," Tim said, as he started to follow Kevin. "Tim, why don't you give him a few minutes to himself like he asked? Then I'll give you both all the time you need by yourselves," Dave answered. "I think he really needs me now." "Ok, if that's how you feel, then go to him. If you can find him, that is. But if you want to try, go ahead. We can just go on to Bruce and Neal. They can fill the two of you in when you get back." "Thanks, Dave," Jimmy said, as he slowly walked out of the library. It took Jimmy several minutes before he finally found Kevin. He was in a bathroom down the hall washing his face and trying to dry it with paper towels. "Hi babe. Are you all right?" Tim asked. "Do I look all right?" Kevin answered. "No, I'm fine, really. It's just some personal problems. I really don't want to talk about them." "Kevin, we have to talk about them. If we're going to be boyfriends, we can't have secrets between us." "Tim, I just don't want to talk about it, Ok?" Kevin yelled and started to walk out of the bathroom. "I thought you loved me. You said you did yesterday." Kevin wheeled around and said, "I do love you. But this has nothing to do with you and me. This is personal." "So you love me. You just don't trust me. Is that it?" Tim asked. "You don't understand," Kevin said, as he opened the door. "I understand I love you totally. I understand that you are hiding a big secret from me. I've told you everything about me. I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. If something is bothering you, I want to know what it is so I can help you with it. That's what people who love each other do. Don't you understand that?" Kevin stopped but he didn't even turn around and face Tim. "If you say so. I'm kind of new at having someone love me or me loving someone else. I'm sorry. There are just some things I can't talk about. Sorry," Kevin said as he walked out the door, letting it shut behind him. Tears started to well up in Tim's eyes. He just stared at the door that Kevin had just walked through. They hadn't been boyfriends for 24 hours yet and Tim already knew it was over. He tried to control himself, but he couldn't. He just turned and held onto the sink next to him as the tears fell. **************** Kevin walked back into the library as Neal was telling Bruce and his story. He didn't say a word. He just sat back down where he had been sitting. "Are you Ok?" Dave asked. "Sure. Why?" Kevin asked, straight faced. "Well, you ran out pretty fast. Did Tim find you?" "Yeah. I just went to the bathroom. I must have a stomach virus or something. Jimmy will be here in a minute or two." "Ok," Dave said, as he looked around the room. He could see that all of the boys were also confused and concerned. "Should I continue, Dave?" Neal asked after a lengthy silence. "Sure, Neal. Kevin, Neal was just telling us about how he and Bruce first got together. Go ahead, Neal." "Well, I heard him talking to someone in the park. I was walking by on the way somewhere and heard him struggling to say what he wanted. I didn't know him then, and I kind of hid behind a tree and listened. The other person was giving him lots of time to say what he wanted to say. I guess I was just intrigued by his determination. I actually peeked around the tree to see what he looked like and fell in love right then." "That's great," Ryan said, smiling. "Yeah. And he talks lots better now, don't you Bruce?" Neal asked. "Yeah. I th think all I ne needed was someone to love me a and give me confidence," Bruce answered, also grinning. "So from then on, I kind of became a stalker," Neal laughed. Everyone laughed with him. "I learned as much as I could about him without being really obvious, and I found out his habits. I even found when he would go running and would go out just to see him run by." "No way! I di didn't know that," Bruce said. "Well, I did. That was before I found out you helped other students with term papers and so I immediately knew I needed help," Neal laughed. "Tim did the same thing with me," Kevin said, as he laughed. "He would come to every football practice just to watch me play." "That's great, Kevin. We want to hear all about it. Where is Tim?" Dave asked. "He should be coming any minute," Kevin answered. "So anyway, Bruce agreed to help me with a paper I still had to do from last year. My teacher gave me a C but it was more like a gift. But she made me promise to re-write it over the summer. So Bruce started helping me and I just fell more and more in love with him every day. But I would stare at him more than I would concentrate on what I was trying to do," Neal laughed. "God, you have bad taste in boys," Ryan kidded, as he dodged a fake hit from Bruce. "Men, little bother. He has bad ta tastes in men. Rob ha has bad taste in boys," Bruce kidded back. "Bro, your stuttering is lots better now. No kidding," Ryan said. "I know. I o owe it all to Neal," he answered, smiling. "Thanks, Bruce. So anyway, Bruce wanted to be all business. He was being paid by the hour. I wanted nothing to do with that paper. So I finally got up my nerve, and kissed him. He had such a shocked look on his face..." Neal said, as he broke off his statement in mid sentence. Tim had just walked into the room. He didn't look at anybody. Everyone could see he had been crying. He didn't walk over to where he had been sitting next to Kevin. He walked to the last row and sat down on the end chair, as far from everyone as he could get. To Be Continued E-mail responses to the stories, story suggestions or other 'constructive' comments or advice may be sent to: stan992001@hotmail.com. All e-mails will be answered. You can also visit the young gay guys support group I created after my "Matt and Mike" story at www.groups.yahoo.com/group/gbct or our web site at www.gayteensunite.org. There is a forum section there where you can enter comments about this story for everyone to see.