Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 11:30:25 -0400 From: Stan Unknown Subject: Chapter 2 of Beating the Odds Chapter Two "Thanks for dropping me off, Dan." "No prob, Josh. I want to come in and see what they did too," Dan answered as they both got out of his Camaro Z28. "Sure, man. I sure hope the Borla exhaust gives me the 20 horses they promised. If it doesn't, I'm going to be majorly pissed off." "20 is supposed to be the minimum, right? You might get even more than that," Dan answered. "Yeah, but I just never really believe what the marketing guys tell you when they are trying to sell you something. Some guys just want to take your money." "How much did this cost, Josh? A complete new exhaust system can't be cheap." "I know a guy who owns the place. He's giving it to me at cost. $400 installed. It would be over twice that amount for anyone else," Josh laughed. "Man, that's great. If I can save up that much, do you think he might do the same thing for me?" "I can't promise anything, Dan. I can ask him next time I see him, but no promises, OK? I made him a ton of money on his last stock investment he did through me, and he is doing that in gratitude." "How did you manage to get this job of yours, anyway? I wish I could do something like that instead of working at McDonalds." "Hey, you're assistant manager, what're you bitching about? Plus, you don't know a blue chip stock from a blue sock. And I like you working where you do. How would I ever eat if it wasn't for all the free food you give me?" Josh asked, as he put his arm around his best friend. Dan returned the gesture as they walked towards the shop. "Hey, it doesn't cost me anything, right? Why wouldn't I help out a buddy? So, do I get the first ride in the TA with the new exhaust?" "Sure. No one I would rather be with me. Think you can stand all the power?" Dan shoved him away playfully. "Ok, yours is a little faster than mine. I don't have the money you do to put into it." "Hey, I'm kidding, OK? Yeah, I make more money than you do, but you know damn well I don't flaunt it in your face. Plus, you are going to end up owning like 10 McDonalds before you are through. You're my buddy, so get off my case, OK?" Dan just smiled at him. "Fine. Let's see what the black beast does now." They walked in and Tom, the owner, was at the counter. He had a huge smile for Josh. "Hi Josh. Perfect timing. It's just coming down off the racks. I had them make one more check to make sure there wasn't any leaks or rattles. We put in the new computer chip too, and you won't believe the difference. I drove it myself to see. I also had it taken over and detailed. It's spotless now." "You got the upgrade chip too?" Dan asked, awe struck. "Yeah. He didn't tell you?" Tom asked, coming around the counter. "I'm Tom, by the way. And you are?" he asked, as he shook Dan's hand. "I'm Dan. No, he didn't tell me. All I am is his best friend. Why should he ever tell me anything like he finally bought the Corvette chip he has been talking about for months? Man, Josh, you might have gotten at least 50 horsepower from both of them. Why didn't you tell me?" Josh kind of blushed, then said, "I just wanted it to be a surprise when I blew your ass off the road next time we drag raced. Can't a guy surprise his buddy?" "Yeah. I guess so. I want to hear the engine. When are they taking it down?" "Should be any second now. Dan, do you do the same kind of thing Josh does?" Tom asked with a big grin on his face. "No, I work at McDonalds. I'm not lucky enough to work where Josh does. The bastard!" Dan laughed. "Well, I'm sure you could if you wanted to," Tom said, as he walked closer to Dan. "Dan, I saw your car outside. Why don't I show you what I did to Josh's car? he asked, as he put his arm around Dan's shoulder and started walking him towards the service area. "Tom, can we talk in your office? I need to go over the terms of my payments one more time. Dan, can you go and check on my car for me? Tom and I will be right back, OK?" "Sure, Josh. I get to drive it, right?" Josh just smiled at him. "Sure, man, if you want to. Be right back". ***************** "Jimmy, what are you going to do today?" his Mom asked. "I'm going to meet some friends at the mall. I still have a few more things to get before school starts." "Again? Your father is still mad about the last credit card bill he got. If you don't quit spending so much money, he's going to take it away from you." "Come on, Mom, I haven't spent any more than I usually do. Please? You both want me to look really good when school starts, don't you?" She stared at her oldest son and then gave in as she always did. "Absolutely no jewelry, you understand? I thought your father was going to have a heart attack when he got the bill for the diamond in your ear." "You and Dad said to go and buy something I really wanted for my birthday. You left me here to baby sit Billy while you went to Hawaii. I was pissed at both of you. I have apologized over and over. Why do you keep bringing it back up?" "Jimmy, Billy is only two years younger than you are. It was hardly babysitting him." Jimmy just smiled to himself, knowing that he had her on the defensive, just like he hoped he could do. "Well, I couldn't do anything with any of my friends without him trailing behind me. And you weren't even here for my birthday. Dad did say to get something that I really wanted." "That's true, but neither of us ever thought that would be a $1,000 stud earring." "But it does look great, doesn't it?" Jimmy asked, as he turned his ear towards his Mom and gave her his most winning smile. She tried to look stern, but finally smiled back. "Yes, I have to admit, it does. Good thing your father had just got a big promotion at work when you bought it. Otherwise, I think he would have marched you right back to the store where you bought it and made them take it back." "Come on, Mom. I got the thing for jewelry from you and you know it. This little earring is nothing like what you and Dad pay for your jewelry." His Mom almost blushed when he said that and he knew he had won. "Just never mind, all right? Don't go overboard on new clothes today, OK?" "OK, I won't," Jimmy said, as he came up and quickly kissed him Mom on the cheek. "I'll be good. Have a good time with your club this afternoon." And then he hurried up the stairs to his room, already thinking about all the new clothes he had seen last time he had been to the mall but didn't have enough time to try them on. He knew his gold American Express card didn't have a limit, which was a good thing. A REAL good thing!!! ********************** `Why doesn't anybody ever listen to me? No one just lets me be just me. They always have their own expectations of what I should be in their eyes. Dad does it all the time. Why aren't you on the football team? You should have started last year. I started in the ninth grade, the only one in school history on the offensive line. Why aren't you out jogging to lose some weight? Do this. Do that'. Brian was fuming as he walked quickly home. If the damn football coach expected him to play on his team, he had another thought coming. How many times did he have to say no before it would finally sink in? He finally got to his house and unlocked the front door. No one was home, as usual. Both of his parents worked and neither got home before 6:00 or 6:30 most nights. They always ate late, which didn't help Brian trim off some of the extra weight he was always trying to lose. He climbed the stairs, entered his room, and turned on his computer. He was sweating heavily from the extremely fast pace he had walked home to get out some of his frustrations. Brian almost tore off the shirt he was wearing and pulled down and off the long gym shorts he had worn to band practice. He also kicked off his shoes, leaving him in boxers and socks. That should cool him down soon. His mind was still racing. No one was satisfied with who he was. Everyone wanted to change him. His parents gave him things, like his computer and his workout machine in his room, which was the bonus room over the garage and plenty big enough for it, but they never had any time for him. They were too wrapped up in their own careers. He really wasn't sure they loved him at all. In fact, he was pretty sure they didn't. Nobody loved him. They always seemed to plan to go somewhere together whenever he was out of the way. In a week they were even going on a cruise to the Bahamas because he would be in band camp all week. Did they ask him if he wanted to go? Oh no! They just said they didn't think he would enjoy being on a ship that long and he had to go to band camp anyway. Suddenly, Brian's temper started to get the best of him. He actually looked around for something to break. But he calmed down enough to stop himself before he damaged something he would want later. This was his room, after all. Instead he did the next best thing. He set the lever to 220 pounds on the bench press, the most it would go, laid down, and did as many repetitions as he could. He didn't bother to count. All he wanted to do was work off his growing anger. A few minutes later, his anger had subsided, but he was now sweating more than he had been a few minutes ago. He got out a fresh pair of boxers out of his drawer and decided to take a cold shower. Maybe that would take his mind off his troubles. ****************** Jim quickly logged onto MSN and ICQ and scanned his buddy list. `Damn. Jamie isn't on line. I never seem to see him on line any more,' he thought. Brian was on line and they both were heavily into computers. Jim sent him a message first. Jim: "Hi." Matt: "Hey. Did you finish your web page?" Jim: "Not quite. Almost. Mom just left so I thought I would check in." Matt: "Just be careful, OK? Make sure and delete everything when you get off." Jim: "Don't worry, I learned my lesson the last time. Going nine months without the net was enough to teach me to delete everything." Matt: "I still can't believe they took net access away from you for 9 whole months just because of an e-mail. Do your parents ever ask you about what you do on the net?" Jim: "Yeah, constantly. I think they are the most homophobic people on the face of the earth. I still can't believe that I left that e-mail to Jamie where Dad could find it." Matt: "Does he still look through your PC files?" Jim: "I don't know. Probably. He doesn't when I'm home. But I didn't think he would do that the last time either. At least I think they believed me when I said it was for a friend at school. But I don't take any chances any more. How are your parents about your privacy?" Matt: "They pretty much leave me alone. If I shut my door, they always knock first before coming in. As long as I keep my room clean and neat, neither one ever comes in here." Jim: "Hey, I would settle for that." Matt : "Yeah, it's bad enough being gay, but having to hide all of the time just makes it worse. Jim: "Yeah, I agree. Why can't we just be who we really are without having to hide all the time? It really sucks, you know? You haven't seen Jamie on today, have you?" Matt: "No, I would have told you if I had. I know you are having withdrawal pains. Hehehe" Jim: "Hey, it isn't funny. You have Andy and get to talk to him all the time. You know how hard it is for me and Jamie with him being in Australia. Damn!!! I hear the garage door coming back up. Mom most have forgotten something. I have to go. Later!" ****************** Band practice was finally over, and Brian started for the band room. All he wanted was to put up his trumpet, walk home as quickly as he could, and go back to bed. Eight o'clock band practices sucked before school started to a fifteen year old. Just as he was turning towards the band room, he heard, "Hey Brian. Over here." He already knew who it was, and then remembered his promise. He wanted to keep on walking but he knew he couldn't. He didn't even turn around before he answered. "Hi coach." "Are you ready to come join us yet? The guys are getting ready for practice right now. We could get you fitted out for your uniform and you could start to learn right now what you need to do. I'll help you personally. What do you say?" Brian turned around and faced him. "I don't think so, coach." "Come on Brian, I know your Dad played and was really good. You could be just as good if you put some effort into it." That was the worst thing the coach could have said. Brian's resolve was set immediately. "Coach, look. I'm not interested, understand? I want to stay in the band." "Well, at least come over and meet a few of the players. Just watch us practice for a few minutes, OK? That wouldn't hurt you, would it?" Coach asked, putting one huge arm around Brian's shoulder and gently making him walk with him. "I know all of the guys would love for you to join the team." As they walked, Brian was fuming. Coach just wouldn't take no for an answer, just like his Dad. It had been like this since he first entered high school last year. Sure he was big, already 6'2" and 250 pounds. He still had a gut, but most of it was muscle. He could understand coach wanting him to play, but he didn't want to play, and that didn't seem to make any difference. Plus, he had one other problem and Brian was sure that he didn't want anyone else finding out about that. But now, he knew he was trapped and he didn't have a choice but to walk with him towards the gym. Maybe as soon as practice started he could sneak away. Brian was thinking that they would just walk past the gym and to the practice field, but Coach steered him towards the back door of the gym and inside. Before he could say anything in protest, coach had pushed him all the way into the dressing room where all of the football players were in the process of getting dressed. Brian's eyes widened as he saw boys his own age and a little older who were all either naked, in just their jocks, or in various stages of dressing. "Guys, I don't know if any of you know Brian here, but I have been trying to get him to come out for football since I first saw him last year. Maybe all of you can help me make him want to join the team. I can see him starting at right tackle for our first game." Brian was immediately surrounded with school mates, all seeming to be asking him questions at the same time. "Hey, I've seen you around school. Didn't you get into a fight last year?" one of the biggest kids asked. "Uh, yeah, but I didn't start it. The other kid did." "Well, all I know is you beat the shit out of him." he continued. "Er, well, uh, I guess I have kind of a bad temper." "Hey, do you work out?" another one asked. "Yeah. I have a weight machine at home I use." "Have you ever played football before?" a third one asked. "Yeah, but not for four years now. I didn't like it very much and I was having to play with lots older kids because of how much I weighed." "You wouldn't have to worry about that any more. Hey Mike, what do you think about having him a right tackle and me at right guard? You think we might open some holes for you to run through?" another large boy asked. A good looking blonde boy of about 17 walked up in just his jock strap. "Yeah, I think you two boys could definitely open some holes for me. What do you say, Brian? Want to come out for the team? We aren't very big up front and we could sure use you." "Uh, I'll think about it. I really have somewhere I have to go to now. I'll try and come back tomorrow and watch you practice. I'll think it over tonight and let everyone know, OK?" Brian said as he slightly blushed. Coach said, "See, Brian, everybody wants you on the team. I'll see you tomorrow, OK?" "Sure, coach. Bye guys," Brian said, as he rushed out of the changing room. Brian's head was spinning as he finally got all the way outside. He started walking really fast towards home and then broke into a run. He ran the rest of the way back home. Sweat was poring off his body when he finally ran up his steps and unlocked the door. He quickly walked up the steps to his room and locked the door. His head was killing him. And his anger was building by the second. "Why can't everyone FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE?" he screamed at the top of his lungs, not caring if anyone heard him outside or not. He started to take off his wet t-shirt, got it tangled as he tried to get it over his head, and his anger finally hit full force. Instead of taking it off, he grabbed it by the collar and ripped it into pieces. That didn't calm him down, it only made him madder. He had to hit something. He walked over to the wall and slammed his fist into it, meaning to cause him pain. Instead, his fist went through the sheet rock, causing a huge hole in the wall. That surprised him and caused his anger to go back down deep inside of him. He knew he had to cover up the hole or his parents would find that very quickly. And then he would never hear the end of it from his Dad. He ran downstairs and got a hammer and a few nails from the work area in the garage and then ran back upstairs. His fear of the hole being discovered had made him forget his anger at the coach. It didn't take long to re-arrange a few of his posters of sports heroes and rock stars that decorated his walls. Michael Jordan now covered where he had punched a hole in the wall. Brian was sure that his parents would never look behind any of his posters. Why would they? They probably wouldn't even notice he had re-arranged them. He took the hammer and unused nails back down to the garage and then came back to his room, locking the door. 'God, I hate my life,' he thought to himself. 'I really wish I had enough courage to do something about it. I feel so alone.' He walked over to his closet and pulled all of his clothes on the left side away from the old jacket that was the last thing hanging on that side of his closet. He reached inside the deep pockets on each side and took out a pint bottle of whiskey and several pill bottles. He had paid a friend who had an older brother $10 for the pint of whiskey that the older brother had bought for him several months ago. The pill bottles contained his Mom's sleeping pills that he had stolen from her, one by one, over nearly a year's time. Brian knew that taking all the pills at once, combined with the whiskey, should be enough to end all his problems once and for all. He had been thinking about it for a long time now. He sat down on his bed and opened the bottle of whiskey. Just use it to wash down the pills, one by one. Simple. He sat there a long time, staring at the pills in his hand. Tears had begun to fall as soon as he opened the bottle of whiskey. This was a scene he had played several times in the past. And just like all the other times, he finally screwed the top back on the bottle, put the pills back in their container, put both back inside his night stand drawer, then laid down on his bed and started crying. He just couldn't do it. He wanted to, but he just couldn't make himself finally end it all. Brian had what he thought was a major problem. It was a secret and no one could help him with it. And it was an awful secret, one that made him want to kill himself because of it. Brian was gay. To Be Continued E-mail responses to the stories, story suggestions or other 'constructive' comments or advice may be sent to: stan992001@hotmail.com. All e-mails will be answered. You can also visit the young gay guys support group I created after my "Matt and Mike" story at www.groups.yahoo.com/group/gbct or our web site at www.gayteensunite.org. There is a forum section there where you can enter comments about this story for everyone to see. All comments will also be forwarded to the eleven guys from the group that are in the story.