Date: Mon, 27 May 2002 19:00:31 -0400 From: Stan Unknown Subject: Chapter 22 Of Beating The Odds Chapter Twenty Two "And you love me?" Jimmy asked. "Yes. You said you would love me, no matter what, remember? Do you, after what I've just told you?" Josh asked. Jimmy stared at him for a long time, then said, "I don't know. This has me confused and torn up inside. I don't know what I feel right now," he said, as he turned and ran out of the room. ***************** Josh looked over at Dave and shrugged his shoulders. He sat back on the desk with a defeated look on his face. "Are you crazy? You aren't even going to go after him?" Kevin asked. "Go talk to him. He's just upset," Jim agreed. "It's his decision. You heard him. He doesn't really love me anyway," Josh answered back. "Yes he does. You should have seen his smile when you were apologizing to us. Now get up and go find him. Don't make all of us gang up on you," Brian said, as he lifted Josh to his feet from behind. "I'll help," Kevin said, as he jumped to his feet. "I wanted to beat you up a few minutes ago anyway," he added, laughing. "We'll all help," Jim said, as they surrounded Josh. Josh just grinned at everyone. "Eight against one, huh? Is that your idea of a fair fight?" "Nine," Dave said, as he walked over and joined the group. "Go find him, Josh. It'll work out. You'll see." "And what am I supposed to say to him? Everyone asked me to tell about myself. I did, and now he's so upset, he can't stand to be in the same room with me. I think he hates me now." "No he doesn't. I think what you just told him was lots more than what he was expecting. None of our stories have exactly been normal, either. And none of us care about your past," Jim said. "Go find him, damn it," Brian growled from behind and started gently pushing Josh towards the door. "But what am I going to say?" Josh asked, as he was pushed closer to the door. Dave opened it and everyone pushed Josh out into the hall. "You'll think of something. Just go find him first. And when you do, make up with him." ****************** It took Josh a while to finally find Jimmy. He checked the halls around the library in both directions and the bath room, but couldn't find him. He finally walked down to the cafeteria and saw him sitting at one of the tables, drinking from a plastic spring water container. "Can't you drink water from the fountain like everyone else?" Josh asked, as he walked up. "Leave me alone, ok?" "Sure. That's fine with me. But before I go, what was all the `I'll love you, no matter what' shit?" Jimmy didn't answer, he just stared at the table. "Just as I thought. You rich boys are all alike. You can't trust anything you say. Good bye," Josh, said, as he turned and started walking away. "Wait!" Josh stopped where he was, but didn't turn around. Then he slowly started to walk again. "Please don't go," Jimmy said, as tears started to run down his cheeks. "I'm sorry," he said, as he came up behind Josh. "You just shocked me. I do really love you. No matter what. I admit I was mad at you for what you told me. But I can't lose you the same day we just met. Please forgive me," he said, as he gently turned Josh around. Josh also had tears running down his cheeks. He hadn't made a sound, but thinking he had lost Jimmy was more than he could take. Jimmy was shocked that he was crying too. He came up close and gently wiped Josh's tears away. "You do love me, don't you?" he asked. Josh shook his head no several times, then said, "Yes." "Well, you have to do something for me, then," Jimmy said. "What?" "You've got to find another job. I won't share you with anyone, even if it's business, like you said." "I can't find another job that pays like this," Josh answered. "You can't find anyone like me either," Jimmy said, as he came close and kissed Josh on the lips. "I can forgive your past, but I couldn't go with you if I knew you were earning your money like that. Please, Josh. For me?" he pleaded. "Looks like we're going to have to go to the dollar movies and eat at my house a lot," Josh smiled. Jimmy threw himself at Josh and they kissed passionately. Then Josh took him by the hand and guided him though the doors into the kitchen. All thoughts of breaking up were instantly forgotten. ***************** "Where do you think they are? It's been a long time," Kevin said. "If they don't come back soon, we'll have to go look for them. I really want them to work everything out on their own, so let's give them a few more minutes. They've only been gone thirty minutes," Dave answered. "Forty two," Rob said. "Don't disrespect Dave like that. If he says it's thirty, it's thirty," Ryan answered, as he faked punching Rob. "Oh, OK," Rob answered, as he understood. No one wanted to have to go find them and interrupt what was happening. Just then, Josh opened the door and Jimmy walked in, followed closely by Josh. Josh caught up to him and put his arm around Jimmy's shoulders. Both had big grins on their faces. "You two sure look happy," Tim said. "Happy doesn't describe how I feel," Jimmy said, as he sat back down in his seat. "Ouch!" Dave got a concerned look on his face. "You didn't? Not on school property!" "Settle down, Dave. All anyone needs to know is we had a long talk. Isn't that right, Jimmy?" Josh asked, as he sat down next to Jimmy. "Anything you say, lover," he answered, as he leaned over and kissed him. "Oh God, you did!" Dave yelled. The whole room erupted with laughter. Jimmy got really red, but Josh just kind of smirked. "Look, you said make up with him, didn't you? Every time I do what you people tell me to do, someone gets mad at me. What's up with you people?" Josh kidded. Again, the room erupted with laughter. Dave was laughing too. "Ok. I'm not going to ask any more questions except this. No one is going to know I let you two out of my sight for that long, right?" "Dave, you don't trust me after I told you all my secrets?" Josh asked, playing hurt. "No one is going to know anything about what we did. Everyone might want to bring their lunch for a few days, though." "Josh!" Jimmy yelled, getting beet red. "Josh! Not in the kitchen!" Dave yelled. It was a good thing no one else was in school. Everyone completely lost it. The room sounded like a gymnasium during a basketball game. Everyone laughed until they had tears running down their faces. "Josh, I ought to make you come back here every Saturday for a month," Dave said, through his tears. "Can Jimmy come too? We might like detention," Josh answered. Everyone laughed again and then Dave said, "Well, I'm glad to see you two are back together again. But if I get in trouble because of anything you did..." "Dave, seriously, no one will ever know where we were. I promise," Josh said seriously. "I don't want to know any details," Dave said quickly. "Good. Because you aren't getting any," Josh kidded. "Ok...I guess...As long as no one finds out," Dave answered. "One thing you can know," Jimmy said, as he blushed again. "Josh has agreed to give up his job and find something else to do. He's mine only from now on." Everyone laughed and congratulated both of them. They all were glad that part of Josh's life had ended. "Dave, as long as we're getting all buddy-buddy here, can I ask you a question?" Josh asked. "Sure." "What's your deal? You're going to risk getting fired over us? You're going to help us start a gay friendly club at school? What's up with that? Are you gay too?" Josh asked, seriously. Dave just stared at Josh for a few seconds. "I guess if I encouraged all of you to share you stories, I should too, huh?" Everyone nodded their heads yes. "It's a really long story," Dave added. "Like you said before, we've still got lots of time before 5 o'clock," Josh answered. "OK. I guess if everyone else had to tell about themselves, it's only fair. It started when I moved to South Dakota when I was twelve..." ****************** I hated the farm to start with. I really didn't like my brother, who was seven years older than I am. That's another story. Anyway, I met a boy named Bruce. We became best friends. We spent all our time together. I guess I fell in love with him. If twelve year olds can be in love. "They can, Dave," Bruce answered. "Yeah, I think you're right, Bruce. Anyway..." We fooled around some. I won't bore you with the details, but we did. We were really happy together. We were together nearly two years. Bruce was about to turn fourteen. His parents were having a birthday party for him. I can remember him being so happy about it. He wanted to tell his parents that we loved each other. We wanted to be together always. He thought they would all be really happy for us. He thought that they would understand. We walked into the living room where they were, holding hands. His father pitched a fit. He made his wife take me home right then and I couldn't come over to see Bruce any more. We were outside getting into the car when I heard him start to beat Bruce. I tried to beg her to make his Dad stop it but she wouldn't listen. Bruce was still screaming when we finally drove away. His brother was two years older than Bruce. He was in the kitchen and heard Bruce tell his parents that we loved each other. He told everybody at school. Then Bruce started to be beaten up at school and at home. "God, that's awful, Dave," Brian said. Dave was just staring off into space. It was like he didn't even hear Brian interrupt. I could have helped him at school, but I was scared. I denied everything. I denied we were boyfriends, I denied I was gay, everything. But Bruce didn't. He stood up to everyone and admitted he was gay. And everyone just beat him up because of it. The teachers saw it, but just turned their backs on him. They let it happen. So... Why am I willing to help you? It's because of Bruce. What I did then has haunted me ever since. Does any of that make sense? "Sure it does, Dave," Bruce said. "Huh? Oh, sorry. I guess I was almost talking to myself," Dave answered. "What happened to Bruce?" Kevin asked softly. Dave just shook his head and said, "Look, I really don't want to continue right now. Can we talk about something else?" "No way, man. You wanted all of us to tell our stories. Look what I had to talk about. Nothing could be worse than that," Josh said. "Sure it can. You don't have any idea," Dave answered. "Tell us Dave. N None of us have any se secrets any more," Bruce said. Dave just stared at the ceiling and then lowered his head. "Nothing we say leaves this room?" he asked. "Yes!" everyone said immediately. Like I said, Bruce was getting abused at school and at home. He tried to avoid everyone as much as he could at school. But he seemed to get into at least one fight a day. And when he got home, his Dad would always ask him to tell him that he wasn't really gay or he was going to get another beating. Every night. Every fucking night. Dave had tears of his own running down his cheeks now. He wouldn't do it. He wouldn't give in. Whenever I could sneak over and talk to him, I would beg him to just tell his Dad he wasn't gay. But he wouldn't. Finally, it got to be too much. He did the only thing he thought would end all the pain. "Oh no, Dave. He didn't!" Jimmy yelled. "Yeah. He couldn't take it any more." They found him by the lake. It was our favorite place. He had taken his father's pistol with him. I could've helped him. I should've told somebody. My parents. A teacher at school. But I didn't. "God, that's awful, Dave," Tim said. "I was too scared then to help him. But I'm not scared any more. What Bruce did could have been stopped if someone had cared enough to help him. So that's what I do now. I guess that's why helping you guys seems so important to me now." "Well, if we band together, we can make sure nothing like that ever happens at this school," Brian said angrily. "I agree. Word about the fight is going to be all over the school tomorrow anyway. We might as well all come out as gay. Everyone's going to think so anyway. That way, when words spreads about us and our new group, if there are any other gay kids in school who are thinking about coming out, they will know they have a built in support group for them when they do," Kevin said. Everyone wasn't sold on the idea of all coming out together, especially Jimmy. "If my Dad ever hears that I am out at school, he'll kill me," he said. "No he won't. If he ever finds out, we'll face him together," Josh answered. "You'd do that for me?" Jimmy asked. "In a heart beat." So, it was decided. The new group was named `Gay Teens Unite'." Jim was really good with computers and he said that he would even start a web page for the group by the same name. Ryan had seen some gay groups in yahoo clubs, so he said he and Bruce would start a yahoo group for everyone. They named it `gbct', for Gay Bi Care Team. The idea was to create an atmosphere where gay teens could express themselves whether they were out or not. And the group started making plans to grow. And grow it did. To Be Continued E-mail responses to the stories, story suggestions or other 'constructive' comments or advice may be sent to: stan992001@hotmail.com. All e-mails will be answered. You can also visit the young gay guys support group I created after my "Matt and Mike" story at www.groups.yahoo.com/group/gbct or our web site at www.gayteensunite.org. There is a forum section there where you can enter comments about this story for everyone to see.