A BOOK OF FIRSTS, Pt 21
When we were ten years old, my cousin, Van, introduced me to the game of doctors the way he played it with his two younger sisters and little brother. He led us down to their rec room where he took one of the long cushions from the seat of the couch, and put it in the middle of the floor. Then, with his youngest sister giggling, we all got naked.
Debbie, who was almost nine, was the first ‘patient’. She lay back on the cushion and spread her legs, wide. We knelt around the cushion and ‘examined’ her. Van showed me her pussy, and all the parts. He also showed me how to lick it. Then we examined Beverly, who was seven, and licked her pussy. Then we examined Tommy, who was four or five and sucked his little stiffy for a while, but he didn’t do much else with us.
Next, it was my turn. I lay on my back with my stiffy pointing up like a little rocket from between my legs. Van coaxed Beverly into sucking it, and it felt good. But then Van took over. Being a boy, he knew how to do it better. He even tickled my balls and inside my legs. He licked over my crown and had me shuddering.
We were only examining each other briefly, and it was Van’s turn. His stiffy was as long as mine, and to be honest, the sight of it had excited me more than his sisters’ pussies. Another boy with a hard-on can be hotter to a boy at that age, than a girl. Debbie sucked on Van’s stiffy. Then he asked me to, and I was on my knees next to him in a second.
Van had to coach me about teeth, but little else. His smell was better than his sisters’, and I liked having his stiffy in my mouth. But then it was time to stop. I don’t remember why. Maybe a parent coming home.
I do remember that it was only two or three days later that Van pulled me into his room and locked the door.
“You wanna play doctor?” he asked with a mischievous grin.
“Yeah,” I told him. My dick stiffened in my pants almost instantly.
We stripped, watching each other. Van grinned at me; I grinned back. Once naked, we stood with our stiffies aimed between us. They were much alike; thick as thumbs and not very long the way stiffies are when you’re ten. We sword fought for a moment, holding each other by the shoulders and giggling.
“Get on the bed,” Van said. “You can be the patient first.”
I climbed up onto the bed, lay back, and opened my legs. I lifted my head to watch as Van knelt between my legs. He did butterfly dances with his fingertips over my balls, he drew them inside the creases of my legs, and he rubbed his palm up over my shaft. My hips moved involuntarily.
Van bent over me and took my dick into his mouth. The sight of that was as exciting as the sensations from his mouth, tongue, and hand. I lifted my hips to him.
Van sucked longer than when we played with the girls. But just as it began to feel very good, Van stopped.
“My turn,” he said.
Reluctantly, I got up and we switched. I forgot my reluctance, though, as I bent over between his legs and caught a whiff of his boy-scent once more. I leaned close, examining him; feeling the incredible softness of his scrotum and of the skin over his little steel rod of a shaft.
I took the base of his shaft between a thumb and a finger and closed my mouth over his dick. I worked the skin on his shaft up and down with my tongue, and then sucked on his crown and licked it. Van began to wiggle under me.
I wanted him to do me some more, too, and as soon as I thought I’d done him as long as he had done me, I lay down beside him.
“My turn now,” I said.
Van rolled up beside me, leaning close. “Let’s do it at the same time,” he suggested in a whisper. “I’ll play doctor with you while you play doctor with me.”
I agreed, and Van reversed positions with me. We each twisted at the hips, trying to keep our butts down on the bed while getting our mouths over the other guy’s dick. We ended up fully on our sides with our legs cocked open to each other.
For a moment, we played with dicks and balls.
“You smell sexy,” Van murmured.
I’m not sure that either of us really knew what sexy meant, but I knew what Van meant.
“You smell good, too,” I told him.
Van took my stiffy between a thumb and two fingers, and I did the same to his. We closed our mouths over each other’s dicks and began to suck.
And now, because we were sucking on each other at the same time, and not worrying about taking turns, we simply relaxed, and sucked. Van’s wet mouth on my dick and his fingers at the base of my shaft, slowly working up and down, gave me growing pleasure. At the same time, I enjoyed doing the same to him.
We opened our legs wider. Our hips rocked. Wet sucking noises echoed faintly off the hardwood floor. And our pleasure built. Our heads bobbed; it came naturally. We sucked, we worked the skin of our shafts up and down and around with our tongues and firmly-pressed lips.
The sensations became intense. We murmured and moaned softly. We concentrated more on what we were doing, driven by the discovered pleasure. Our hips pumped, we took each other farther into our mouths, and the legs we had cocked, closed. Our movements and sucking became more vigorous.
And then, suddenly, it felt like my little balls pulled all the way up inside my body and waves of sensations shot up inside me from my dick and from between my legs. I whimpered and shuddered and sucked hard. I was vaguely aware of Van behaving similarly.
We had our first dry orgasms together.
Van and I began exchanging oral favors every chance we got. Once we started, he did less and less with his siblings. I continued exchanging oral favors with Beverly when I could. In fact, when I was thirteen and she was ten, I got a real crush on her and we dry humped (me rubbing my dick on her till we came) as well as did oral for the next few years. But despite all that, Van was always my first and constant choice, right from the beginning.
From the age of eleven on, we were constant companions, best friends, and lovers of sorts. We learned things. We learned how to swallow the length of each other’s stiffy. We found we liked over-and-under sixty-nines, chest on belly and belly on chest. I have vivid memories of Van’s tight little balls on my upper lip, and then… almost overnight, he had bigger balls, and they’d become egg-shaped and loose, draping over my upper lip. Along with the tangy, boy scent from between his legs, I now detected the musk of adolescence.
I had changed, too. I felt it in my body; the stirrings of desire. Our cocks had grown; just gradually enough that we could still swallow them.
I sucked Van’s first meager cum. A few weeks later, he sucked mine. We were in an over-and-under sixty-nine, and I pawed at his butt and took him way down my throat when the sensation of cum shooting out my dick hit me for the first time.
He got the first pubic hair. We played with them as they came in. And then, as we turned thirteen, we talked about trying butt fucking. When my brother told me that in a porn flick, he saw a girl shove the end of a Coke bottle up her cunt, I tried it putting the end of one up my butt, and finally figured out how to do it by oiling it with baby oil. It went in fine, and actually felt pretty good when I jacked off. I also tried the handle of a hair brush and liked it even better.
It was more difficult, though, for Van and me to find an opportunity to actually butt fuck rather than simply get each other off orally. That was partly because it would be our first time, and we had to build up to it. We rimmed each other, we probed one another’s butt, but never got around to trying ‘the real thing’.
An opportunity finally came on a night when Van was sleeping over, and it was only us and our dads in my house. Our moms, his siblings, and my older brother were out of the house for different reasons, and our dads were drinking beer together in the kitchen.
They sent Van and me to bed at the usual bedtime for a Friday night, midnight, and not a moment later. Our dads didn’t like messing with kids.
Van and I fucked around and made enough noise that my dad came into my bedroom, gave us hell, and told us to go to sleep. He left, slamming the door. It didn’t have a working lock, or I would have locked it.
Van grinned. “He won’t be back,” he whispered.
I nodded my head. “Not if we’re quiet.”
“Let’s put the blankets on the floor,” Van suggested. “It’ll be quieter than on the bed.”
We took the blankets from the bed and spread them on the floor. After we crawled between them, Van and I stripped off our underwear and rolled up to face each other. Forehead to forehead, I closed my hand around Van’s dick and he closed his hand around mine. We fondled one another; listening.
The house was quiet except for our dads, out in the kitchen. Their muffled voices were punctuated with loud laughs. We heard them get up from the table to walk to the fridge for more beer. One or both of them went outside to take a piss.
Van moved even closer; nose to nose. “I want you to put it in me,” he whispered, giving my cock a squeeze for emphasis.
“Our dads would kill us if they caught us butt fucking!” I whispered back.
“They won’t!” Van whispered. “Come on. We’ve talked about it forever. You want to do it as badly as I do. Now’s a perfect time!”
I still hesitated.
"You can fuck me first," Van urged.
Van pulled off our cover and rolled to his belly. He spit into his hand and rubbed it onto his butt hole.
“Climb on, dude,” he whispered.
I knelt across the backs of his legs, and tried to find his hole with my boner. At thirteen, my dick was just starting to get bigger; like Van’s. But I found his opening, and pushed the end of my dick inside it.
"Oh," he said, "go easy!"
“Sorry,” I said, holding myself up over him. I looked down and couldn’t see the end of my dick; it was buried inside his butt. That looked hot as hell.
“Go ahead,” he said after a moment, and I pushed in a little farther.
When my loins finally pressed Van’s butt, my dick still wasn’t in all the way because, the way he was lying, his butt cheeks kept me out an inch or two… and at thirteen, you don’t have all that many inches to give away. But I made the best of it, and started pumping in and out.
Van was tight, and the heat from his hole felt awesome; better than any blow job he or Beverly had ever given me. Van spread his knees out to either side, opening his crack better. I went deeper, lying on him, holding his shoulders, driving my dick down inside him and grinding my loins against his butt. I didn’t last more than two or three more minutes
“Well,” I said, collapsing onto him, “your butt isn’t virgin anymore.”
He ground his butt up under me. “It feels great!” he murmured. “How’d it feel to you?”
“My turn, then,” he said, giving my cock a squeeze with his butt. My softening dick slid out.
We traded positions on the floor, and I rolled onto my back, pulling my legs up to my chest and exposing my pucker to him. Van knelt at my bottom. Holding his boner with one hand, he spit into his other and spread the spit in my butt crack. He spit again, and spread it over the end of his dick.
Van rubbed his dick around in my crack until he found my hole and pushed against it. I relaxed my bottom, and the head of his dick slipped through.
“Wait!” I hollered in a strained whisper.
Van waited, and the discomfort subsided.
“Go ahead,” I told him.
He pushed slowly, deeper into my body. And then, it felt… wonderful!
“Shit, your hole’s hot!” he whispered. “And tight!”
“Careful what words you use,” I murmured, eyes shut. “Saying ‘shit’ might inspire me.”
“Not funny,” he murmured and began moving his dick in and out.
“That does feel good,” I whispered. “Real good!”
He went faster, and the two of us grew quiet.
It didn’t take Van long to come either. When he pulled out, I felt an instant emptiness.
“I wanna do that again!” I told him. “Soon!”
It may sound odd, but Van and I didn’t butt-fuck each other again until we were fifteen. It was always just so damned easy, and pleasurable, to suck each other off. We didn’t even have to undress all the way if we didn’t have time, though we preferred to.
But then when we were fifteen, we made plans to campout and sleep in a tent about a hundred yards from his house. Van had a neighbor get him two bottles of wine.
As dark fell, Van and I opened one of the bottles and shared it. After about 15 minutes we started to feel the effects. We got naked and went into the tent. Our cocks were hard as hell and we started to play with them. I loved how big our cocks had gotten, and loved holding Van’s thick boner in my hand.
We grinned at each other, faces flushed, as we stroked. I pushed Van over onto his back, and, reversing my body over his, I climbed on top of him with my dick in his face and his in mine. I buried my mouth in his balls and he lifted his face up into mine. We nuzzled one another’s privates. We rolled to our sides, sucking and licking each other everywhere! We licked inside legs, scrotums, sucked balls, and licked assholes. Then we sucked cocks, pleasurably contentedly.
We had been together most of the day without any sex between us, and our nuts were full and ready to explode. However, the alcohol numbed our senses and we sucked each other for a long time, stroking inside legs, feeling over hips and butts, tasting and smelling.
We still managed to come pretty close together, filling our mouths with adolescent cum. Then we rested our heads on the inside of one another’s thigh while we caught our breath.
We stepped out of the tent, and sat naked in the evening breeze, side-by-side, smoking cigarettes. Van opened the second bottle of wine, and we shared it back and forth, getting a pretty good buzz on.
I had the bottle in my hand, taking a swig when Van looped an arm behind my back and reached into my lap with his other hand. He lifted my dick on his fingers. I turned toward him to find him grinning at me about an inch from my face.
“I brought a bottle of hand cream,” he said.
I grinned back and handed him the bottle. When he took it, I slipped an arm behind his waist and reached into his lap with my other hand. I grinned at him, lifting his dick and balls on my fingers.
“Let’s do it!” I said.
He set aside the bottle and nodded back at the tent. “C’mon, stud.”
We crawled back inside the tent. Van reached between my legs to fondle me, and I fondled him. We felt over one another’s body as our dicks stiffened. We’d become taller and leaner in the last two years. Our dicks were larger and thicker. Van had nice lines to his body, and I appreciated them.
He sat up and opened the hand cream. I sat up, too, and we faced each other, sitting cross-legged; our balls resting on our bedding and our cocks jutting up. Van reached into my lap to spread hand cream up and down my dick. Then he rolled to his back, pulled his knees up and out, and spread hand cream into his crack
Setting the hand cream aside, he pulled his knees up to his chest, and I moved to kneel at his bottom. In the dim light inside the tent, I probed for his opening using the end of my cock. I found it, and with the aid of the hand cream, my boner slid in easily.
I rested my palms on the underside of Van’s thighs, holding them up, and I tried to watch my boner slide in and out, but it was too dark to see very well. That didn’t matter. I was incredibly hard, and Van was warm, slippery, and tight.
He moaned, his eyes shut in concentration.
My cock was bigger than the first time we fucked. I had much more sensation this time. I could feel inside him. I could feel the tight drag of his sphincter on my shaft.
Because I had emptied my nuts earlier, and because of the wine, I was able to fuck Van a long, long time. It was awesome!
Van moaned a lot; in pleasure. He grabbed the backs of my thighs, he grabbed behind my waist, he even grabbed my butt, trying to pull me deeper into him. I drove my boner into him and ground at his bottom. When I returned to a rhythm, thrusting, he bucked his bottom to meet me.
We were fifteen, and mellow on wine, and I fucked Van for a solid half hour. We adjusted positions from time to time. I laid his legs out to the sides and folded over him. For a while, we held each other as our hips worked, and when I ground my hips, my nuts slid on his bottom.
But then I felt my nuts tighten. Planting my hands on his shoulders, I pushed up for leverage to pound his butt harder. Van’s hips circled, meeting me.
“Harder,” he murmured. “Harder!”
I slammed my cock into him hard, and my belly made slapping noises against his butt. But then, I started shooting cum and, I drove my cock as deeply into him as I could. He grabbed my hips and ground his butt against me, working my cock as deep as it could go. My pubic bone pressed hard against his perineum.
I emptied my nuts, thoroughly. My dick throbbed in his hot hole, long after I had no more cum to give.
The throbbing finally subsided. I moved my cock slowly, very slowly, in and out of his hole a few more times. My dick head was so damn sensitive the action made my body twitch and jerk.
I pulled out and collapsed beside him. Laying my hand on his belly.
“Dude,” I murmured, “how can anything that feels that good be so bad?’
We rested a moment; my hand rising and falling with Van’s belly as his breathing slowed. I reached across him for the hand cream. Opening it, I spread it onto his dick, getting it rock hard again. Then I rolled to my back, pulled up my knees, and greased my butt.
Van knelt below me. He took hold of his hard cock and guided it to find my opening. He found it and pushed, and his dick head slipped up my asshole. He stopped till I told him to go ahead. Then Van slowly pushed his dick all the way up my butt and paused with a euphoric look on his face.
“Dude,” he murmured, “your hole is so fuckin’ tight around my dick, and damn it’s hot inside your butt!”
He pulled back to where only his cock head was still in my hole, and he began slow fucking me.
“Shit, Van, you make this feel good!” I told him, making slow circles with my butt to meet his thrusts. I ran the flats of my hands down my belly, inside my legs. My body felt awesome with him inside me. I felt the heat of his cock, up my butt. I felt the slow slide of his dick at my sphincter and over my prostate. My cock grew hard again.
He fucked me slowly, and for a long, long time, just like I had done him. My own excitement built again until I finally bucked impatiently against his thrusts.
“Faster, Van!” I murmured. “Faster!”
He moved faster. The impact of his thrusts jarred my body.
“I’m gonna come,” he murmured, leaning over me.
I pulled his hips hard against my butt. He bucked, and I could feel his cock throb inside me. My sphincter clinched his shaft in reflex, and without even touching myself, I ejaculated, shooting cum up my belly.
He had a long orgasm, and so did I; like always happens when you take a long time to work up to it. Catching his breath, Van pulled from inside me.
“Damn, I feel empty,” I murmured as Van collapsed beside me.
He grinned and patted my belly. Van left his hand there, and spent, we fell asleep briefly.
I woke to a hard-on and Van stroking me. He leaned close when he saw that I was awake.
“This time,” he said, “I’m gonna lie on my stomach and I want you to get on top of me.”
He rolled to his stomach, we applied spit, and I climbed on top of him. Molding my body to the back of his, I hugged the backs of his shoulders, took a deep breath of his scent, and ground down against his fleshy bottom with my lap.
We were fifteen, and it was the best night of pure, raw sex we’d ever had. We didn’t get to sleep until about five in the morning, and then we slept till noon.
My mom and dad got divorced when I was 16. Mom and I moved into a mobile home.
When I was 17, we learned that Van and his family were having to move to another state. It was a hard time for me. I was going to lose, not only my best friend, but my lover, too.
I wanted us to have sex, one last time before he left. That came on a snowy afternoon between Christmas and New Years Day. I had gotten four quarts of beer and stashed them in the snow, just outside the back door of the mobile home. My bedroom was next to the door.
Van showed up about three in the afternoon. After making small talk in the dining room with my mom, Van and I retreated to my bedroom. I turned on my stereo; just loud enough to make covering noise since Mom would be working in the kitchen.
I slipped outside and brought in two quarts of beer. Mom was no fool, but she was pretty cool. She knew I drank and smoked pot, but she would rather I did those things at home than away from home.
Van and I drank the beer and smoked weed from my bong as we reminisced and listed to music.
We were lying, side-by-side on my bed. We finished the beer and I turned to him, feeling a rush of sentimentality, heightened by beer and weed.
“I’m going to so miss you, dude,” I told him, getting teary-eyed.
“Dude, me, too,” he murmured, his own eyes watering as well.
We embraced, and for the first time in our lives, we kissed. We lay there, holding each other, exchanging kisses, feeling the deep affection between us, and we grew hard; our erections pressed.
I reached into his pants for his erection; he reached for mine. We grasped and fondled. I rolled Van to his back, unbuckled his belt, and unzipped his pants. He lifted his hips and I pulled his pants down.
Van had a nice bulge in his white briefs. I rubbed his boner through the soft cloth. Damn, he was beautiful!
I pulled his underwear down to expose his hard cock. At seventeen, his cock was literally gorgeous. I took it into my mouth and slowly sucked it while I played with his loose balls. I loved his familiar taste. I loved his familiar feel and the thickness of his shaft. I loved to suck him.
But I had more planned. I backed down him; untying his shoes. I pulled them and his socks off, along with his pants and underwear. He took off his shirt, and then he was completely naked on my bed.
I wanted to please him in a way he’d never forget. Laying up beside him, I kissed and sucked his neck. I caressed his chest and belly with my hands. I moved over him, working down his body with my mouth and tongue and hands.
I sucked his nipples. I teased them with my tongue. I caressed his sides. I licked down the mid seam of his belly. I tongued his navel.
His hands stroked the backs of my shoulders and caressed my hair.
I paused and pulled Van by his feet to the edge of the bed so that his legs dangled off the side. I spread his legs apart and knelt on the floor between them. And then I licked inside his legs and all around his sex. I licked his scrotum and sucked his nuts into my mouth, one at a time. The entire time, I caressed his belly and legs with my hands and stroked them with my fingers.
I lifted his legs, licking down under his balls; licking down over his perineum. Pushing his legs up, I licked into his crack and licked over his pucker, probing with my tongue.
Van moaned softly.
Finally, I was ready to suck his swollen dick. It was oozing precum, and I licked the viscous fluid from his glans. I closed my mouth over it. His cock was warm, almost hot in my mouth.
I slowly sucked his boner, rolling my tongue over the crown, tonguing in his piss slit. As I sucked, I played with and tugged on his balls. I found his asshole with my finger, and I pushed my finger inside.
After sucking for a couple of minutes, I let go of his dick, and licked around his sex again, trying to prolong the build up of his orgasm. I licked back up his belly and chest. I sucked his nipples and then licked my way back down to his dick.
I toyed with him that way for at least half an hour, not wanting him to come yet. But my mouth and tongue were starting to get tired. I decided to quit fucking around and bring my cousin to a climax.
Sucking his cock, deliberately hard and deep, I felt Van’s body respond. His breathing grew raspy and he humped into my mouth.. I opened my throat to him, taking it all.
His cock swelled. Van moaned. I backed off to where just his crown was still in my mouth and I tongued the underside of his dick, coaxing his orgasm on.
Van grunted, his body stiffened, and he began to shoot. I sucked the end of his dick like a baby on a tit. As I expected, after such a long build up, he came long and hard. Squirts of cum hit the back of my throat. I swallowed, but his sperm filled my mouth, along with that wonderful taste and aroma of late-adolescent semen.
I swallowed. I milked him. I sucked until he pulled back from me with a gasp, and his dick made a slapping sound as it sprang back and hit his belly.
I rubbed Van’s groin as his dick twitched and oozed a last drop of semen. His breathing slowed. I leaned forwards and licked the remaining cum from the end of his cock. When my tongue touched his sensitive cock head, it jerked; each time I licked the tip of his dick, it jerked.
Satisfied that I had given him the experience I wanted, I patted his thigh and stood. With a grin, I picked up his clothes and tossed them to him.
"Here, put your clothes back on. I’m going to go see what Mom is doing."
As I walked to the locked door, I wiped my mouth and face with my shirtsleeve. When I got to the kitchen, Mom was standing at the stove, cooking, with her back towards me.
I patted her on the ass and hugged her. I leaned over and put my head on her shoulder.
"Whatcha cooking?" I asked.
"Chicken and noodles,” she said. “but it will be a while; I just got started."
"Ummm, smells good already!" I told her.
I opened the fridge, getting out two cans of Coke. Then I turned back to Mom and kissed her on the cheek before turning to head back to my bedroom.
“You’re going to really miss Van, aren’t you?” she asked.
Her question gave me a little pang, and my eyes started to water again.
“Yeah,” I said. “A lot.”
Fuckin’ beer and weed making me cry, I thought, walking through the living room. I stopped short.
Stupid! I thought. Mom probably smelled the beer and the weed. My mouth was right at her face. A shudder ran through my body as I realized that she probably smelled Van’s sex on me, too! I could certainly taste it.
The thought caused me to reel a moment, but I shook it off. I had more time with Van, and I wanted it.
When I got to the back door, I stepped outside and set the two cans of Coke in the snow and picked up the two other quarts of beer and headed back into my room. Van had his clothes back on.
We smoked some more pot and drank more beer. We got a good buzz on again. I got sentimental and hugged Van. I knew I might never get another chance to have him this way, and I decided to make the most of it. I started feeling him up again.
I unbuckled his pants, loosened them, and pulled them and his underwear down.
"I just put all that back on,” he teased.
“I like you better naked,” I told him.
By the time I had his shirt off, and him naked again, his boner pointed up his belly. I grinned because he was ready and because I had a rippin’ hard boner of my own.
He watched as I took off my clothes. Then I crawled on top of him, boner to boner. He opened his legs to me, and we play-fucked for a while; just holding each other and humping. I was so hard, my dick hurt. I decided enough was enough.
Getting off the bed, I retrieved the tube of KY from where I kept it under my t-shirts. Then I crawled back onto the bed with Van. I opened the lube and spread some onto his cock. Then I rubbed some into my asshole.
I squatted over his dick, facing away from him, and reached down between my thighs to grab hold of his hard, slick dick. I squatted lower until the head of his cock touched my hole. I moved it around to center it, and then sat. His dick head popped inside me, and his length slid up my butt as I settled onto his lap and his pubic bone.
We both moaned.
I humped my ass up and down on Van’s hard boner. One last time, the heat from his dick felt incredible inside me. My dick ached with hardness as his cock massaged my prostate. Back then, I knew nothing about prostates; I only knew what Van’s cock could do inside me, and I ground down on him.
Van cupped my ass checks and guided my ass up and down his rigid dick. Soon he was holding my bottom up and was fucking me from below. I started jacking my dick and just let him fuck me.
It wasn’t long and he pushed into me as hard and deep as he could. I felt his cock squirt his seed into my gut and that sent me into my own orgasm.
My cum flew and landed on the front of my dresser, three feet away. My first two shots hit the dresser then tapered off. Three shots fell short and landed on the carpet; then another landed on the edge of the bed.
I was totally spent. I laid back onto Van, keeping him inside me. I rolled over to my side and Van rolled with me. We lay for a moment, catching our breath, joined. Then Van pulled his still-hard dick from inside me.
I felt so empty I wanted to cry.
That was the last time Van and I had sex together. We’ve seen each other
a few times over the years since he moved, and we have talked on the phone,
but we never
talk about all the sex we shared as boys growing up. And yet, underlying all our feelings for each other, the memories are there. They’ll always be there.
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