Date: Sun, 07 Jan 2001 10:24:50 -0000 From: Jamie Subject: Chris-and-Jamie Chapter 17 Same stuff - don't read this is u r underage or u don't like reading stories of love between two boys. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ `James William Samuel Mark of Sandringham! Christopher Michael James Walker! Get the hell outta bed -- School!' Paul's voice boomed through the intercom and shook us both from sleep. My gut reaction was one I shouldn't have relented to -- I rolled over and, once more, fell out of the warm comfort. Chris scuttled over to my side of the bed and poked his head over the edge. His eyes were still not awake and he sleepily leant over the edge of the bed and bent down to touch his lips against mine. `I think, you need more practise getting up.' The short statement was one founded on truth. `Chris, I told you. I'm not a morning person. I never have been one, and I never will be one.' I grinned, now awake. We headed towards the school gates. They were an old affair of wrought iron. Every day that I had ever passed them, they brought me nothing but grief. As you can see, I do not like what school holds for me. There is always someone who wants something. Usually it is our stupid music teacher wanting to hold another concert because she has so much time on her hands that she needs to do something to keep herself sane. In my view there is no reason for these types of teachers to exist in a secondary school. If someone wants to learn music they go outside school and get a specialist in their particular instrument -- not an idiot who will tell you anything to get you to pay them. `Jamie, you lost me.' Chris had seen that I had, once again, been daydreaming. It is one of my worse habits, and one I intend to try to kick. But not now, now was time for me to dream. I would dream about Chris, and my friends, and all the people who keep me going. There was Ciaran, Simon, Gareth, Julian, James, Mark, Tom and many others. All of them were there for me, or Chris for that matter, whenever we needed them. It was a real comfort. We stepped forward into the main gates and found our way to the large playground. As with most days, instead of going straight to the playground we all joined together on a raised platform, just down the steps into the school. This patio area, situated above the playground's wide length was a refuge for those who didn't touch such energetic sports as the football and basketball games that went on down below. Whereas everyone seemed to mingle on the playground, on the patio tight groups were always formed. This was as though one wished to keep another out. It was an emotional battle out here -- one foot wrong could destroy another's life. I know that it seems as though I am exaggerating, but this is how the school is run. The groups keep to themselves. One may think this was slightly antisocial behaviour, but it was the way things were run, and the way things had been run for centuries since the school was founded. The bell soon rang and we departed to our respective lockers. As I went I was handed a small note, scribbled on yellow paper. It said that the Director of Music wanted to see me at registration. `Oh great!' I exclaimed out loud. `What the hell does she want this time?' `What does who want?' I didn't see Ciaran come up behind me. He looked over my shoulder and acknowledged the note. `Hey, I got one of those too.' We left the locker area and made our way to the music room. As always it was locked. She had probably forgotten, so we decided to wait in the small office to the side of the main building. It was warm in there and empty of all human life. I think the only people that ever came in here were Chris and I for a quick kissing session before orchestra practise...and after...and during...and whenever we could...hehehe. Hey what can I say, I'm a growing boy and need some TLC. We entered the room and sat down at the chairs that were set out next to a completely bare desk. The teacher never came in here. I'm not even sure that she knew it was here. Ciaran was looking uneasy. `What's wrong?' I said. `You look weird.' `I'm really confused, Jamie.' He said looking into my eyes. I could feel that this would take some time and I decided that it wouldn't hurt to skip the next class in order to hear exactly what he had to say. When there is someone who needs my help, I am there and I wouldn't have turned him down for anything. He began to cry and I knew then that it was serious. `I don't know what to do. I think I might be...you know...gay.' He said. He couldn't even look at me. I patted his arm. `There is nothing wrong with that.' I told him. `You can be whoever, or whatever the hell you want to be. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise -- ever!' He smiled, but his smile soon faded. `I...I just can't...I don't know anymore...' He reached over and pulled me into a kiss. I was taken aback by this sudden movement. It caught me off guard. I could feel his tongue at my lips, trying to force them open. I kept them firmly closed and pushed him off me. `Ciaran, I can't. You know that I can't. What about Chris?' He fell back into tears again. `I know. I'm sorry...that's what I have been confused about. I can't stop having feelings for you. You've been my best friend for almost twelve years now and I can't bear the thought of being without you.' This time I was surprised even more. `Why? Do you think I am leaving?' He swung his head in the negative, but I pressed on. His response was indecisive. Saying something about me always being with Chris, he subsided into sobs and told me that he was being too selfish. I put my arm around his shoulders and pulled his chin up, from where it was resting on his chest. `I will always love you, Ciaran. Maybe I won't love you as a boyfriend, but always as my best friend. I am not about to jeopardise a friendship, which has been with me for twelve years!' I gave him a small peck on the cheek and this seemed to cheer him up. `And don't ever think you are being too selfish -- you are one of the least selfish people I know.' He nodded his thanks and kept on crying. I pulled him to me and told him that he needed to cry. I would've done in his place. There needed to be an outlet to all these emotions somewhere. The only outlets I could see were crying and violence, and I wasn't about to let him go take it out on someone innocent. Ciaran could be quite the little fighter when he needed to be. Experience had taught me never to get on the wrong side of him. Ciaran stood roughly 6ft, maybe an inch either way. Short black hair gave way to a pale face with deep brown eyes. The outside of the cornea was of the purest white, gravitating through the iris was a heavy burst of colour, which was extremely obvious -- light brown to dark brown near to the centre. Ciaran was very much an academic person. Not studious though -- he wouldn't keep his head in a book for years, he'd already know it. He was, and still is, an excellent mathematician and musician (beating me to Grade 8 piano by five days -- bastard! hehehe) -- often accompanying me on the cello or piano, whilst I played organ. Unfortunately for him, he had a violent temper. `So when did this start?' I asked him. He knew immediately what I was referring to and poured the whole story out to me. `I started to think that I might be gay when I first saw you and Chris together. When your lips touched I knew I wanted it to be my lips there and not Chris's. At first I was able to shrug off the sensation, but after that it began to get harder and harder...' I stifled a muffled giggle at the unintended innuendo. Thankfully Ciaran didn't notice. `...After Christmas it was almost too much for me and I began to get really rowdy around the house and at school...' I could remember the many times at school that he had snapped for no apparent reason and we had to drag him off his assailant, kicking and yelling to be allowed to continue. We had managed to hide it for a while. However, it was a slow process of various detentions and extra homework that was just the start of the axe falling -- it would soon severe Ciaran's head from his body. The school couldn't keep protecting Ciaran forever. It was unnecessary and unneeded to them for him to do any of this -- they had soon stepped in. Ciaran had been suspended for two weeks and none of us to get him to tell us why he had started all of this. Now he had chosen to finally bear his heart. `...After I came back, I made up my mind to shelve my feelings. I just carried on as though nothing had happened...' Oh how I envied this figure sitting before me. When he tried, he could take his emotions and just slide them into a corner. However, what goes up must come down. And what goes up higher comes down harder -- much harder! Ciaran had finally broken down and couldn't continue the story without encouragement. I was there for him and grasped him in my tight hold. There was no way in hell that I was going to let this friend go. I thought about Chris. Where would he think I had gotten to, after we had parted on the patio? A soft hand grasp was all we had before going to our various lockers. In a school of only 550, we had to be careful what we did and where. It seemed that every move that we made attracted slightly more attention than we really wanted. To kiss in the hallway, or on the patio was not something that we did regularly. Holding hands seemed to be okay, with the rest of the populous. It was understandable in the small boys-only school in the small city of St. Matthews. No one needed to be bothered with a thing like sexuality or emotion. The school seemed somehow cold towards us, and now towards Ciaran as well. The light that once emanated through some of the teachers had dwindled to the very few. They just didn't want to be exposed to sex or to human nature -- to the school the exams and music came first and that was it. Oh how I hated it! Ciaran was ready to begin again. `...I found that there wasn't anyone to tell. If I had told you or Chris I thought I would be rejected as a threat to your relationship. If I had told Mark or Simon they would never have listened to me properly. I think both of them have been caught up in the school. Only the future matters, and never the present.' I turned my head to one side and looked at him through his veil of tears. `Jamie, there you are...oh...' Chris had burst in, but was stopped in his tracks as he saw Ciaran in my arms. He stood quite still, not too sure about what to do next. The explanation came thick and fast, as I rambled through the day's events once again. Leaving the kissing part out, I soon arrived at the end. Chris's reaction was hard to gauge. To an outsider it would seem that he had taken it all in his stride; he began to nod slowly, showing that he had taken it in. Kneeling beside Ciaran, he suddenly changed from the sullen and undisturbed to the warm and caring. Eventually the school bell rang, signalling the end of the first two periods. A short break followed this. `Do you wanna go outside, Ciaran?' I asked, wondering if after what he had said he would be able to hold it together in a crowded place for twenty minutes. His brown eyes connected with mine and he gave a deliberate and slow nod. --------------------------------------- Sorry - no sex, I thought the last chapter was a bit 2 spiced. If u like what u read, mail me - virus@dial.pipex.com AOL IM: jam0015 C Ya round