Date: Sat, 2 Aug 2008 13:43:06 -0700 (PDT) From: Blake sanders Subject: "Coming Out Within The Hurt" Chapter 6 BB AUTHOR'S NOTE: THIS IS A 100% FAKE, MADE UP, AND COMPLETELY UNTURE STORY. THERE MAY BE SEX IN THIS STORY MUCH LATER ON BETWEEN UNDER AGE BOYS. YOU KNOW THE LEGAL TALK ALREADY... IT DOSE HAVE GAY CONTENT WITH YOUNG BOYS. IF THIS IS SOMETHING THAT IS ILLEIGEL FOR YOU TO READ STOP NOW. THE NAME OF A WEB SITE MALESUVIVOR.ORG IS A REAL SITE THAT HELPS WITH HEALLING OF ABUSE FOR MEN, BOYS, FRIENDS AND FAMILIES OF SURVIVORS, HOWEVER THE EVENTS THAT HAPPEN ON THE SITE IN THIS STORY ARE FAKE. THE SITE IS LISTED HERE FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT NEED HELP DEALING WITH CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE. THIS STORY MAY NOT BE COPIED FOR ANY REASON WITHOUT WRITEN PROMISSION FROM THE AUTHOR. Sorry for such a long break. I am kind of starting a new relationship here. :D Well here is yet another chapter. I'll be getting caught up on emails as soon as I can. I've been very busy. Here we go!!!! "Coming Out Within The Hurt" By: Kirk Gilbert © 2007 Chapter 6 "Secret's Out" Being at Andy's gave me a lot of time to think, maybe to much time. I thought of all kinds of ways to cope with all the things I have been going through. I knew everyone would want to know what happened to me, and as for the grown ups, I would do what I always do, and the guys I would have to think about. I approached the school with extreme caution. I didn't want to deal with the mad pack or anyone. As I reached the steps Johnny yelled out "Where in the fuck have you been. Been hiding from us as if we're going to forget about you?" "Yeah, fag, is that what you thought?" Billy added. "No, been in the hospital, and then I was in jail for your info." I said as sarcastically as I could, trying to let them know they were not getting to me, even though they were. "Guys, you hear that, he went to jail." Alex said. I walked past the mad pack and in the front door of the school. The mad pack just stood there not really knowing just what to think. I was not about to tell them I was in jail because I got caught running away, but my bluff worked. I walked in to the office and asked to see Mrs. Walton, and was shown right in. "Hi Justin, welcome back." She said putting up what ever it was she was working on at the time. "Hi, I thought it over, and I think I'll tell some more now." "I'd like that, please sit." She said, getting comfortable in her chair. I took my seat as I took a deep breath. I told her about the day my parents got mad at me, and how I hurt my mother. I told Mrs. Walton about how my parents fought right from the beginning, when I got home that day to the time I went to sleep the night before my mom and dad split up. I could tell she wanted to say something at times, but she let me go on. So I did. "I sat in my room that night until my dad came in. He had a beer in his hand that he threw at me, but missed. I started for my closet to get away from him, or at least get my base ball bat, but he caught me as I got up from the floor. He hit me a few times, but I blocked most of it. After he kicked me in my stomach, he hit me with the chair from my desk. I woke up, and he was back in their room fighting with my mom." I said not even shedding a tear. I just couldn't cry anymore. "Dose you're mother know he beat you?" "No. He said he would kill me if I ever told." "Justin, would you please tell your story to Officer Appleton, I'll be there every step of the way if you like." "Sure why not." I said. I thought I didn't have anything else to loose, and if anything I would luck out and my dad would kill me. She called Officer Appleton who must have been within a block from the school, because he was there like two minutes after Mrs. Walton hung up the phone. He knocked on the open door frame, and was motioned in by Mrs. Walton. He sat in the chair next to mine. Mrs. Walton simply told him I had something he needs to hear and that it was important. I told him the whole story from start to finish with him taking careful notes the whole time. "What all are you writing?" I asked "I just am taking notes so I don't forget anything. It's what you said, but in a short form to refresh my memory. See." He said, showing me what he wrote, and it was just what I said but written real messy. "Oh." "Justin, would you be willing to tell a judge what you just told Mrs. Walton and my self?" Officer Appleton asked softly, but still professional. "Ok, but do you have to tell my mom. I don't want her to get mad at me." "Justin, I don't think she will be mad at you. In fact, I think she will love you more for telling." Mrs. Walton said. "Well, I have a child abuser to go pick up. Justin, if you need anything or any help here's my card call my cell day or night, and I'll be there." Officer Appleton said handing me his card as he left the room. "Looks like you made a friend there." Mrs. Walton said smiling at me. "How do you know that?" I said softly in disbelief. "You're the first person I have ever seen or heard him say that to in the twenty-three years I have known Officer Appleton, and I know for a fact he doesn't give out his cell phone number to anyone but his close friends. So like I said, I think you made a friend there." "Oh." "Would you like me to call Mr. Burk? I'm sure he would be willing to come see you today." "No way! I've seen all of him I want to see. I would rather see someone else." I said insistently. "Ok. Have you met Mr. Miles yet?" "No. Dose he say "dude" all the time too?" I asked "No, he talks like the rest of us." She said, laughing at what I had said, knowing that Mr. Burk says "dude" all the time. "I hope not." I said softly. "Let me give him a cal,l and if I get a hold of him today then I'll send for you to come speak with him. If you don't like him I know one other person here in town, sound good?" "Sure. I said I would try. So I will." I said, thinking this Mr. Miles was going to be Mr. Burks brother or father or who ever. "Justin, I do need to call your mother about this." Mrs. Walton said. "Ok." I said not really wanting her to call. She dialed the number, and softly told my mother what I had just told Officer Appleton and herself. At times she would get quiet or just say yes or no. I wished I could hear what my mom was saying on the other hand, I was too scared to hear it. After what seemed like two or three hours she hung up the phone and smiled at me softly. We talked a while longer about the abuse, and what I would be going through as far as the law is concerned. It helped put my mind at ease at least a little bit. We also talked about school and what all the kids have been told. I had a lot of worries that Mrs. Walton helped clear up for the most part, even though I didn't believe most of what she said. I did try for the first time to do what Mrs. Walton said. I sat down and wrote what I was feeling. "Lost Souls" ""I look into the eyes of lost souls to see my reflection. Seas of greens and skies of blues are seen in the mirror like image of the eyes of all. We look beyond the reflection to see the ruins of enchant lost souls and many little ones, like us, walking within the shadows. Our hearts weep to lend a hand to those in need, but they walk in shadows we have fallen within. As we all walk through this valley of hurt and death we sift through the ruble of those before us to find the strength we need to survive. Fear not little ones, for you are not alone on your journey. We will travel together till we find our eagle of brave strength. With wings of grand brilliant gold the eagle of glory will carry us far. High above the purest of white misty clouds we will soar together with the cleanest of air to intake within our very souls. Air smooth as glass itself riding safely under and with in us to a point of safety and security that will forever remain unforgotten. Our journey unclear and even unnoticed we live within the future. The past ever so clear to us and the present remains confusing and mixed up within our heads. We can still make it if we want. We can survive anything for this matter, although fearful, is never bolder than our mind within our very souls. Fear not where, when, why, and how you fell, because we can survive together."" The first warning bell went off for my first hour class. I got my things and headed for class. Some of the kids were looking at me and whispering as I walked through the hall to my locker. Most of the kids didn't even see me as I walked through the hall. That was a big relief for me. I reached my locker as I heard a voice come from right behind me scaring the crap out of me to the point I jumped. "Hi ya Justin." "Hi Kevin, you scared me." "I have a bad habit of doing that to people." "I can tell." I said still caching my breath. "Why didn't you call, you did get my note right?" He said worriedly. "Yeah, I got it, but I wasn't sure if it was cool with your parents or how late I could call and stuff, you know." "Oh, I can see that, it's cool. I don't get that many calls, but I'm always online, so I guess it kind of makes it hard to call me anyways." "Shit online! I forgot to check my email." "Check it when you get home. Oh my email address is my name with 55 at the end no spaces. That is if you want to. I also use Yahoo messy with the same nickname as my email." "My nickname at Yahoo is surf_boy_46. Maybe we can chat one of these days." "I'd like that." he said. "Can I ask you something, Justin?" "Sure. Are you cold, your shaking?" I said, getting my stuff out of my locker for my first hour class. "I get cold easily, I'm warm blooded. Where were you this last week?" He asked quickly. "Promise not to tell?" "Yeah, I won't tell." "I got put in jail for running away." "Wow. I guess that means you'll not be doing that again?" "Guess not, they don't have Root Beer there or Dr. Pepper." I said with a big smile. At that we said our bye's and headed for our classes. I had to run to make it to my first class before the bell went off. I made it through the door as the bell was ringing. I looked at Cody and he mouthed "You better be here!" while holding his fist in the air. I just stuck my tong out at him and then let out a little laugh as I took my seat. Mr. Dutchman came over and handed me a "War and Peace" book of papers that he said was my make up work due by the end of next week. I kind of forgot about the school work I had missed, but I thought I would be in school forever if I didn't do it, so while the class read out of the text book, I did make up work. I was surprised I got most of it done before class was over. Now I only had a pile about an inch or so thick to do. Now, I didn't just work on my make up work. I also spent a little time doing something Mrs. Walton had told me about. She said that sometimes it helps to write. It may help me with how I am feeling, and may let feelings come out that I didn't know I had deep inside me. So, I wrote: "Dripping Rose" ""I ware my smile like a crying clown just a mask to hide behind so I will not be seen as medusa. I look through the pain that nobody knows but me. I lay at night thinking of a place that is unreal, a place so real in my mind I could reach out and touch it like the pedals of a rain dripped rose. When I try to touch that rose I feel it is no more than a desert rose. The rose I touch is a wilted bleeding bone with a wound that cries the blood of my pain and the thorns that cut my hand so deep to my bone brings tears to my eyes. I look to the moon for comfort, but it is red. I look to the storm, the rain so clean and pure. But the lightning is blood dripped and evil. I look to the ground so natural, but it is sinking like quicksand. I look to the air, but it is polluted. I look to me, but I am a weak wilted freak in a world so unforgiving of what I have done. How dose this freak become unborn, for that is upon the way to undo what I have done to receive the wrath I suffer everyday. I wish to take my hand off with less pain, but that would bring and fountain of terror to this hunted soul so cold in the light of night. How can a soul so hurt so punished so used be filled with the love for others for I am not worthy to hold the flame that was stolen so long ago? I reach out of my cage for my perfect rose to grab the blood within my soul that is hollow and falls to dust. I am unwanted as the dust in my hand so worthless in forever nights I receive the wrath I can not escape from. This is my prison for forever. Till forever falls to dust and this mask I ware falls away to the empty space that is a void in it self."" As Cody and I walked to our math class we talked about me being in jail was all over school, and just how stupid some of the stories they where telling. But, I being in jail must have really paid off, because the mad pack would not come within two miles of me. I guess that was good, because I was still having major cravings to get high, and I knew I could get anything I wanted from Alex Stone. I did see some of the gang before class. I told them I really don't want to talk about it, but would fill them in at lunch. I couldn't decide what all I wanted to tell, but I knew for sure what I didn't want to tell about. I was doing my math make up work after my math for the day was done. Mrs. Barns bent down beside me to check on me, I was guessing. She looked over my paper, and then said. "Justin, quietly get up and go out into the hall. You can leave your stuff here. Someone just needs to ask you some questions." "Who?" I asked at a near whisper. "It's Officer Appleton." She said softly. I got up, and went out into the all. "Hi Justin. Follow me." Officer Appleton said, with a big smile. I followed him in to the back of one of the empty class rooms that the school used for storage. "Hi. What's up?" "Picked up your father, and he told us everything. We still want to know if you will talk to the judge just to make sure the judge knows everything, just in case we missed something." "Sure" I replied. "Justin, one more thing." He stopped me right before I turned to head back to class. I came back to where he was sitting to see what he wanted. "Yes." "Can you lift up your shirt please?" he asked. "Why?" "Can you tell me, when was the last time you saw your father first? Then I'll tell you why." "Few weeks ago when he and a friend cleaned out our house, why, what dose that have to do with it?" I asked again. "Mrs. Walton saw something today, and didn't get a good look and thought you would be more comfortable with me checking. Can you please lift up your shirt?" "Why so you can make fun of how fat I am? So you can put me down? Well fuck you!" "Justin, I would never...where are you going Justin?" He asked as I started running out the door into the hall. "Justin, I know something happened." Officer Appleton yelled behind me. I stopped in my tracks. I looked around to see if anyone was looking. I really didn't want to lift up my shirt, but felt I was trapped and had no choice. I could see Officer Appleton's partner standing at the end of the hall waiting to catch me if I made a run for it. I turned to Officer Appleton and just looked at him as he said. "It's ok Justin. Please let me see." He walked over to where I was. I slowly grabbed my shirt and lifted it about two inches and dropped it. "Justin?" he urged once again. I got a look from Officer Appleton to do it right to where he could see. This time I lifted my shirt all the way up. "Justin, who else has been beating you?" he asked "Just my dad." "Justin, bruises don't last that long and those look fresh, a few days max. Who, Justin?" "I donno." "Justin?" "My old baby sitter, Andy Davis." "Did he do anything more than beat you? I can read you like a book, Justin." I dropped my shirt, and collapsed into Officer Appleton's arms shaking to the point I had no control. I was not crying, but shocked or stunted or both, I don't really know. I couldn't speak. I tried to say anything. I tried to run, but my legs where like dead weight, that I just couldn't move. I finally managed to shake my head, yes. Officer Appleton kept repeating "It's going to be ok. You're ok Justin." That day was the longest day I had ever had, and it was not over yet. I had no control over my body. I had no control over my life. I just want to know "Why me? I'm just a kid. It's not fair." PEACE IS BEAUTIFUL, BLAKE Well, that does it for this chapter. I know it was a bit intense. I hope you all pieced together the clues...yeah there are clues in every chapter as to what's going to be going on in chapters to come! LOL What? Did you think it was just a dark story with nothing to make you really think about things? Ok, so things will look a lil dark for a while but then they will start turning bright and who knows, there just might be some sex in the story after all. Something tells me Justin or someone else in the story is doing the writing through my hands! "Dripping Rose" By: Kirk Gilbert © 2005 "Lost Souls" By: Kirk Gilbert © 2005