Date: Sun, 23 Nov 2008 16:06:13 -0800 (PST) From: Blake sanders Subject: "Coming Out Within The Hurt" Chapter 8 BB AUTHOR'S NOTE: THIS IS A 100% FAKE, MADE UP, AND COMPLETELY UNTURE STORY. THERE IS NO SEX IN THIS STORY IF THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR, FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO READ. IT DOSE HAVE GAY CONTENT WITH YOUNG BOYS. IF THIS IS SOMETHING THAT IS ILLEIGEL FOR YOU TO READ STOP NOW. THE NAME OF A WEB SITE MALESUVIVOR.ORG IS A REAL SITE THAT HELPS WITH HEALLING OF ABUSE FOR MEN, BOYS, FRIENDS AND FAMILIES OF SURVIVORS, HOWEVER THE EVENTS THAT HAPPEN ON THE SITE IN THIS STORY ARE FAKE. THE SITE IS LISTED HERE FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT NEED HELP DEALING WITH CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE. THIS STORY MAY NOT BE COPIED FOR ANY REASON WITHOUT WRITEN PROMISSION FROM THE AUTHOR. The starts part two of "Coming Out Within The Hurt." A few things have changed, and some time has pasted. Things have gotten better, and life still throws us all for a loop! I really didn't think I would get this chapter out this quickly, but I had a free day so here it is early! I want to thank everyone that has emailed me for the wonderful responses! It really means a lot! Thank you all so very much. With that said, grab some tissues, and enjoy! "Coming Out Within the Hurt" By: Kirk Gilbert © 2007 Chapter 8: "Death, Justin's Loss" I find every year being the hardest year of my life, but isn't that the way the story always is. My name is Justin Andrew Dolton just in case you forgot, or are like me and just bad at names. I'm sixteen years old and dealing with my abuse has not been easy, in fact it has been a living hell. I am a bit taller now, at five foot eight inches tall and weigh a little less than 120lbs. I got sick with my dark brown hair always doing what it wants to do, so I cut it off giving me a short buzz. I leave my bangs just a little longer so I can get them to stand straight up. It's a style Kevin said I would look great in. I can't say it made me look any better, but he likes it. I love summer time the most. It gives me time to think about my healing, and the direction of my life. This summer was to be the "Big" summer. I ask "Why" because I'm sixteen? Well, I still can't buy my Red's and have to fake my age, but so what. I could get my drivers licenses that I don't want. I really don't see what everyone sees about having a car. I mean really, it's just something else to keep up with that gets in the way with other costs such as buying Red's! People tell me that I would have so much more freedom. I look at them with a blank look wondering what freedom feels like. I mean I am free when I go out walking by myself, so why would I need a car? It was hot out that Thursday afternoon when I crawled out of bed. I was not sleeping in, even if I had been awake almost all night due to nightmares. I just hate getting up in the mornings. Well, get out of bed so to speak. I took a two and a half hour shower that I indulged in. It is like I still can't wash my past from my body no matter how hard I try or how many times I wash. I put on some jeans, a button up shirt, and my loafers that I have come to love after my fifteenth birthday. Yes! Kevin gave my the loafers, and he was right. Loafers are so awesome! They make your feet feel great and they breath really well. I grabbed a peace of bread and a small glass of water for breakfast knowing Kevin would ask what I had for breakfest. Sitting down on the couch that I had to dig through to find the phone that I had fell asleep on the night before. Yeah, I got about fifteen minutes of sleep out there. I dialed Kevin's number and waited for him to pick up. "Hello." Kevin answered. "Waz up dude." I said. "Hey Justin, I just got up myself." "No kidding." "Want me to meat you?" "That's cool" "I'll make a stop before I come over." "Cool." "Be there in a few." "Ok, laterz." "Laterz." He said hanging up the phone. Ok, so we had gotten to know each other just enough to know what we were thinking without saying much, while confusing to everyone around us. What can I say, but we get a weird kick out of doing that around people, but at the same time we don't have to worry about people, my mother "the bitch", listening in on what we are saying. I almost can't stand my mother, but what can I do? Kevin and I had plans to hangout together. Most times we search a new field or walk, being we don't have cars yet, to Hobbs too watch a movie. We both smoke and get our Red's for each other some of the time from some other guys we know in Hobbs. We talked on the phone just last night, and I had smoked my last Red. I was near death or near killing someone for a smoke by the time Kevin arrived at my house. "Here dude." "You saved me once again." I said taking the pack of Red's from him. We sat out front on the curb of the sidewalk and lit up a real beauty. "Where we hanging today?" He asked like he didn't want to just sit at my house like we had the last time. "How about we take a walk?" "That's cool." We walked out to the west part of town, about four or so miles, to the old high school. We smoked and didn't say much other than mild chit chat along the way. The old high school had big fire about the time I was nine years old and they closed it. The town built a new high school closer to the main part of town. I don't think they wanted to leave memories of the past to interfere with future students. Entering through a small hole in the fence, we made our way to the front door that was hanging by the top hinge, and slightly blowing in the breeze. We made our way to one of the rooms near the back of the school. Why is it when we are at school we hate school and can't wait to get away, but when we don't have to be at school that's one of the places we don't mind being? The room was one of twelve rooms not touched by the fire. It was mainly used for parties in the years past the fire. I opened the vent on the wall where Kevin and I had a stash of beer we had bought off of some collage guys in Hobbs. We don't drink that much, in fact, we almost never drink the whole beer anyways. But I will say when we do drink to get drunk we tend to over do it, and get totally plastered. I don't really like beer that much, and being how Kevin drinks less than I do, I can't say he likes it as well. Now breaking the bottles is a whole different story! We were sitting in the desks in the middle of the room starring off in to space. "Hey, Justin?" "Huh?" "You ever think about girls?" "Like how? Like just to think about them?" I asked confused, but still wanting to know. "Like in a girlfriend way." ".....donno." I sighed. "You?" "Yes and No." "What are you saying? You don't know what you like or you're just fucked in the brain?" "No you idiot." He said laughing. Then he jumped out of his seat flying towards me. We chased each other around the school halls for a while till I just couldn't run anymore. He caught me in what was left of the old gym. We were play fighting, not really hitting each other, but pinning each other to the floor like we have always done. If it had been anyone else I would have freaked out, but I had a higher level of trust for Kevin then I did for most anyone else. Kevin finally pinned me down to where I could not have moved if I had wanted to. "I think you're loosing your touch asshole." He said with a big grin and laughing. "No your just turning into a pig! You feel like you weigh fifteen hundred pounds!" "You used that line last time just to get me to let up, long enough for you to pin me back. It's not working this time." "All right, I'll just piss on you then!" With that he was on his back in less then two seconds. I quickly pinned him down laughing my ass off at the same time. "You asshole!" He yelped as he soon found I had him pinned down so he could not move. "You're the one who fell for it." "I didn't want to be wrong!" He said laughing making it harder for him to get away. "I guess it will always work, coz if you ever are wrong then it could get messy." I told him in a joking manner. "Just remember what comes around goes around." Kevin said looking up at me. We both laid there for what seemed like hours, and yet was only a few seconds as our eyes locked. I lowered my lips to his and we kissed for the first time. I quickly rolled off of him, and sprung up to a sitting stance up against the wall. What had I done? He will hate me! How will I ever face him again? He will tell everyone I'm a fag, and I will be kicked out of town! I had no control over my mind as my thoughts raced in a rage of panic! How could I be so stupid to fuck up that bad? I hate myself! I was so scared I couldn't talk. I couldn't see anything. My mind was racing faster than I could keep up. I was thinking Kevin was pissed, and was going to beat my ass. That was fine with me, because I was so pissed at myself for ever doing something like that, but I didn't even think about it. I hate myself when I do stupid shit like that. Kevin started to get up. I sprung to my feet, and ran as fast and hard as I could. I jumped the fence, and ran into a field. I was scared and mad at the same time. I could feel my heart racing as I was about a half mile from my house. I looked for the best route through the streets. I chose to cut through the park when things started getting blurry. I stopped in the street next to the park trying with all my might too just catch my breath, but it was hopeless. Everything went dark as I fell to the hot black street. "Wake up. You ok kid?" A mans voice said. "I'm fine! Leave me alone!" I screamed in a major fit. I got up and ran towards my house. I didn't look back, and I didn't care what happened to me at that point. I only cared what Kevin thought, but was to scared to see him ever again. I stopped when I got a few houses down. I was thinking that if I went in to the house my mom would wonder what's up, and start asking questions so I sat on the side of the house. All the running must have really gotten to me, because I fell asleep or blacked out again. I'm not really sure, but I was out cold. I woke up and the sky was almost stark black. A bit of light shined down on me from the full moon. I didn't want to go inside, and I didn't want to be found. I didn't want to be known. I looked down to see what time it was. My arm was scraped with dried blood where my watch had been. "I must have ripped it off going over the fence." I thought. I looked down to see a small puddle of blood that looked just a bit on the fresher side. "Justin?" I heard Kevin calling from the front of my house. I didn't answer. I was too scared to answer to anyone. "Justin is that you?" he said softer as he slowly walked towards me. "Go away." I softly spoke. "Justin, it's ok. I'm not mad at you." "Yeah right! You came here to beat my ass, and piss on me? Well, go ahead!" "I would never do that to you." He said stepping closer. "Sure!" "I wouldn't, not to some I love." "How could you love a fag." I said now crying like a baby. "If I didn't like fags, then I wouldn't like myself." He slowly started walking faster towards me. "Don't!" I yelped. "Okay, just calm down, Justin." He said stopping just past the corner of the house near a small half dead pine tree. "Please, Justin?" "I'm messed up." "What's wrong?" "I got cut up by the wire on the top of the fence." "God Justin, let me help." He run up to me timidly, and pulled me up over his shoulder. Kevin almost carried me inside, and into the downstairs bathroom. He softly put me on the counter with my back to the sink. My mother popped her head in asking what happened. "He jumped a fence, and got cut by some wire at the top." Kevin answered her. "Did you see it happen, Kevin?" "No. I got there to late." He answered my mother honestly. "Sure. Justin likes to make stuff up just to get attention. The brat always has. Let him clean him self up." She said turning and walking away. "Sorry Kevin." I said softly. "Your mother is the one that should be saying that." He replied bitterly. "It's ok." "No it's not!" "You don't know what goes on around here. Leave it alone." "Fine! Sorry." "It's not you, it's just my mom and I don't get along." "Nahhhh ya think." He said with a grin. I forced a slight grin back, and let him finish cleaning my wounds. How could he not hate me by now? I thought to myself as he finished up. We walked to my room, where I trashed my shirt and blood soaked jeans. Kevin closed the door and turned around. He seemed kind of panicked, but stayed put. "You can have a seat anywhere you like, bro." I said. "Thanks." He said slowly moving past me to the desk chair. "Sorry about....you know." I said putting on my shirt. "It's no problem, I liked it. The first part anyways." "I didn't plan it. You must think I'm fucked up, huh?" "No, strange maybe, but I meant what I said." He said standing to face me. "I don't really recall, was kind of weirded out." "I said......." He paused for a few moments. "I love you." I thought for a few moments not really wanting to say just how I really felt about him. I have been falling in love with him from day one, and I never talked to anyone about my feeling towards Kevin, but he loves me as a brother. I thought if he was telling me the truth then I should do the same, even if it's not the same kind of love he has for me. "I love you too." I had to have some fun while naming this chapter! LOL It was really Justin's idea! LMAO Ok, what did you think of the first chapter of part two? What do you think will happen next? Is there anything you want to know about anyone in the story that I may have not covered? Please email me with questions, comments, ect....I only delete flamers! blake_sanders_1999@yahoo.com Thank you for reading "Coming Out Within The Hurt" PEACE IS BEAUTIFUL BLAKE