Date: Fri, 22 Oct 2004 20:56:52 -0500
From: Gerald Simmons <umpire@columnist.com>
Subject: Crush On Danny

I remember distinctly the first time that I really got turned on by
another guy.  I was in the seventh grade.  My best friend Bobby had
invited me over to spend the night.  Bobby lived with his mother and
older brother Danny who was a tenth-grader.

Bobby did not get along with his older brother.  I had never met Danny,
but I heard plenty about him from Bobby.  Bobby and Danny shared a
bedroom, and so this meant that Danny was going to have to sleep on the
couch in the living room in order to accommodate my visit.

I arrived for dinner, and the three of us ate without Danny because he
was at football practice.  After dinner, Bobby's Mom set a place for
Danny at the table, and then we started playing cards around his place.
Danny arrived, and he was still in his uniform, so he immediately went
back to the bathroom to shower and get changed.  When he came in, I was
surprised to find him very nice and somewhat attractive.  Please
understand this attraction did not seem sexual to me at the time.  It was
just the sort of idolizing that young guys do with older cool guys.

When Danny emerged from the shower, all he was wearing was a T-shirt and
boxer shorts.  I was not used to my family members casually walking
around the house in their underwear, so I took note of this.  I think it
is for this reason that I paid a little more attention to what he had
on.  It really wasn't because I was feeling an attraction that seemed
sexual to me.  Their eating table was really just a card table, so it was
square with four places to sit.  Danny's place was set across from his
mother flanked by Bobby and me.

While leaning back from the table examining my cards, I could see into
Danny's lap, and his shorts caught my eye because as he sat, his fly was
open far enough that I could catch a glimpse of his cock and his pubic
hair.  I found myself very interested in what I could see.  So from time
to time I would check him out, and as he moved around, my view kept
changing, but it was always very revealing.

I became self-conscious for him.  Does he realize that he is exposing
himself?  His Mom couldn't see from her seat, and Bobby didn't seem to
have any interest in what Danny was showing off.  I began to get worried
that Bobby would eventually notice, and then wonder whether I had seen
it, and if so he might wonder why I hadn't said anything to Danny to make
him cover up.  My mind was getting paranoid, and this was my first
indication that I was ashamed of what was going on.

The show was soon over because Danny finished his meal quickly and went
into the other room.  I was tempted to try to find some excuse to go into
the room where Danny was because I wanted another peak inside his
shorts.  I never got up the nerve.  I also began obsessing about what was
wrong with me.  I knew what it meant to be queer, and that was about the
last thing I wanted to think about myself.

After going to bed, Bobby and I began to talk, and one of the topics was
Danny.  Bobby seemed to really want me to confirm his belief that Danny
was a big jerk and loser.  I didn't agree with him, but I tried to go
along with him because it seemed important to him.  I was trying to
figure out how to casually ask Bobby about seeing his brother naked and
what that was like.  It was not that I wanted to get turned on or
anything.  I wanted to hear that Bobby shared my interest and curiosity
about older guys.  I wanted to reassure myself that my interest was
normal.  Once again, I never got up the nerve, and we both soon fell
asleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night I was awakened by Danny shaking me.

"Hey man, I can't get to sleep on that couch, so scoot over because I
need to climb in to bed."

I was very groggy and barely understood what was going on.  I was
surprised but delighted that he didn't kick me out of his bed or decide
to bunk up with Bobby.  So now there are two guys sharing a single bed;
there was no way that we were going to avoid touching the side of each
other.  By the time Danny had finished climbing into bed with me, I was
wide awake.  It was dark so I wasn't going to be able to see anything,
but I was going to be able to touch his body.  He turned his back to me
in the bed, and I decided to wait until he fell asleep hoping that as his
shifted in bed, he might turn his body toward me.

I listened carefully until I was sure that he was asleep.  I waited in
anticipation, but he never turned over.  Finally, I got impatient, and I
decided to move my arm across his waist as if I were asleep.  I was
afraid he would wake up, so I wanted my movement to be consistent with
what someone might do while sleeping.

I made my move.  He didn't stir.  My arm was uncomfortable, but it was
straddling his side near his waist.  I moved a little bit closer so that
I could get my elbow to the point where my arm could bend down toward the
other side of his body.  I maneuvered myself to that position, and I let
my arm slowly bend down.  I kept bending it more and more until I felt
his crotch bulge through his boxers.  Success!

I very slowly moved my arm to get my hand on top of the bulge.  I
delicately began searching around for the opening of his fly.  I found it
and I began stretching it toward the bulge.  Eventually I was able to
uncover the bulge, and I found myself in direct contact with his dick,
balls and pubic hair.  It was one of the most exciting experiences I can
remember.  I didn't really do much more than just gently caress and feel
him.  After awhile, he finally did shift positions, but he rolled onto
his stomach, so my fun was over, but I was hooked.

I eventually fell asleep, and by the next morning, he had moved back out
to the couch.  This sent me into a panic.  Did he move out there because
he had been awake and he knew what I had done.  I was scared to death,
but nothing out of the ordinary happened, so I eventually decided that I
was safe.  It was strange that Danny never really mentioned the fact that
he had come into his bedroom.  As far as Bobby or his Mom knew, he had
spent the whole night out on the couch.  I assumed that he kept quiet so
that his Mom wouldn't be mad at him for imposing on the guest.