Date: Sun, 10 Nov 2002 15:52:09 -0800 (PST) From: Joshua winters Subject: Daniel and Thomas 2 Thomas and confessions I awoke early following a restless night where I had drifted in and out of sleep. My relationship with Thomas had taken on a new perspective. Up until the realization in the shower last night, I had never considered myself to be gay or that my relationship with Thomas even had a sexual aspect. That morning during breakfast with dad, I was somewhat distracted. "Dan!" Dad said for the second time, as he watched me twirling my spoon absentmindedly around my bowl of cereal. "Daniel Winters, are you listening to me?" Dad said, becoming annoyed. "Huh? Sorry dad, did you say something?" I finally looked up at him. "Dan, what's the matter with you this morning, you're behaving like a space cadet. Are you ok, your not sick are you?" " No dad, I'm fine, just worried about school is all" I lied. He looked thoughtfully at me for a moment. "Dan, is that kid still bothering you, what's his name Nicholas someone or the other? " " Walters dad and Yeah kind of. But its ok I'm dealing with it." I said, with a lot more confidence in my voice then what I was actually feeling. I had actually managed to put Nicholas Walters out of my mind, even if only temporarily. Dad-mentioning his name brought back my feelings of dread about going to school today. Nick and his gang are the school bullies and for one reason or the other I have managed to become their prime target. They started picking on me on the very first day of high school. Thomas told me to have it out physically with him. Just go up to Nick and punch him in the mouth, Thomas had said full of confidence, as if that plan would work for me. Guys that went to Nick's old school had said that Nick was a bully even in junior school. When he graduated up to high school the only thing that changed was that instead of having students from years 1 to 7 to pick on, he now only has year 8 guys as potential targets. The rest of the students are older and bigger then him. He managed however to make up for this shortage of victims by applying his bullying tactics more vigorously to the selected unlucky few, with me at the top of the favorites list. On the upside for Nick in high school he has a better choice of associates to choose from, for his gang of miscreants. Most days I can manage to avoid Nick but at lunchtime today my luck ran out, Thomas was trying out for the school football team, leaving me to eat my lunch, on my own. As the playground was crowded with older students I chose to sit on the wooden benches under the library building and eat my lunch. A shadow fell over me, causing me to look up, much to my horror it was Nick. "How come your wearing pants, girl?" Nick scowled maliciously. "Pardon?" I stuttered, looking around to be sure that he was talking to me. "I, I don't understand what do you mean?" My voice betraying my fear. "Ooh sorry bout that, you aren't a girl after all, you're a faggot boy, aren't you? GO ON SAY IT, say I'm a faggot boy!" Nick said, as his three fellow gang members laughed at his witticism. My cheeks flushed red, I sat there not knowing what to do, I looked around desperately for a teacher or maybe a prefect, but there were none around, there was only the year 8 Mafia and me. "Look I don't want any trouble, just leave me alone ok! You had your joke everyone thinks its funny." I was frightened, but I tried my best not to show it. "Trouble? We ain't even started to cause trouble yet, you little sissy-boy" He growled at me. Nick suddenly reached out and grabbed hold of my school tie, pulling me up off the seat until I was standing on my tiptoes facing him. I couldn't breath, the tie was cutting of my oxygen, I was starting to choke. I tried feebly to pull his hand of my tie, but his grip was to strong. As I started gasping for breath Nick backhanded me hard across the face. His friends burst out laughing when I started to cry. "I can't breath, your choking me..., please let me go" I said gasping for air. "Awe the little faggot can't breath? What a shame one less FAGGOT in the world, what ya reckon guys should we do the world a favor and choke the little prick?" Nick asked, as my face started to turn purple as I became dizzy from the lack of oxygen going to my brain. "Naw you better let him go Nick, save him for later, besides we don't want to get expelled in our first term. " His number two henchmen, Crab, offered helpfully, he looked a bit concerned, as my eyes started to roll back in my head. I was beginning to pass out. Nick must have realized that he was going to far, as my strength started to dwindle. "yeah little shit isn't worth it, you're right we'll fix him proper after school." Nick let go of my tie and at the same time gave me a vicious shove, causing me to fall backwards over the bench seat, I hit my head hard on the pavement as I fell. For a moment everything went black. When finally I opened my eyes I could feel the pain in the back of my head. Convinced I was seriously injured I started crying uncontrollably, I tried not to but I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. "What's the matter sissy-boy, can't you take a joke?" Nick said as he nudged me hard in the ribs with his shoe. "I know, you didn't finish your lunch, maybe you're still hungry hey" he said spying my sandwich laying in the dirt. Nick picked up my sandwich, making sure to twist it around in the grime before kneeling down over me and grabbing hold of my jaw, as I clamped my mouth shut defensively. Nick pinched my nose shut, forcing me to open my mouth and gasp for air as he shoved the filthy sandwich into my mouth and held my mouth closed. I swallowed involuntarily and gagged at the disgusting taste of the dirt-covered sandwich. When finally he let go of my jaw, I spat the sandwich out all over him. He yelled angrily when he saw the muck on his shoe, I closed my eyes and as he raised his arm to punch me. "What the hell is going on here? You boy get off him now," an angry voice coming from behind Nick, shouted. Nick spun his head around as he quickly dropped his arm down to his side. The voice belonged to a rather large and angry looking year 12, prefect. "We're only having a little fun, aren't we Danny? " he said giving me a threatening look which left me in no doubt whatsoever as to the consequences should I say anything to get him into trouble. The prefect looked closely at me, as he helped me to get up from the ground. For a brief moment I considered telling him what had happened, but the scowl on Nick's face, convinced me not to. "We were only fooling around, " I said unconvincingly. "Then why were you crying?" asked the prefect. I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know," I said in barely a whisper. "Get out of here the four of you, before I send you to the principals office," the prefect said scowling at Nick and his gang. Nick gave me one last threatening look before he smiled and turned to leave. "My name is Ron, what's yours?" The prefect asked me. I told him my name and that I was in my first year at high school. Ron proceeded to give me a lecture about not tolerating bullies and that the only way bullying could be stamped out is by telling on them. I didn't think that ratting on Nick was such a good idea. Ron saw the blood on the back of my head, where I had hit my head on the pavement, then he noticed the red bruised skin around my neck where I had very nearly been hanged with my own tie. "Well Daniel you have better come with me." He said, as he guided me towards the admin block. Just great, I thought to myself, here I am the one getting the crap beaten out of me not to mention being half strangled to death and I am the one in trouble. My eyes moistened, dad was going to be angry, principals office in only the first term at school. "Look please I didn't mean to cause any drama's just let me go, I promise I will stay out of trouble" I pleaded. Ron looked at me with a frown on his face. "Trouble? I am taking you to the nurse's room to get your head looked at, you're not in any trouble Daniel." Although I was relieved, I was not happy about having to go to the Nurse's room. As we walked I tried to talk Ron out of taking me to see her, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. Later, as the nurse cleaned the dirt from the wound on my scalp, she asked me what had happened. I told her that I fell over but she didn't believe me. When she put salve on the bruised skin around my neck she was even more convinced I was lying. Having decided I wasn't going to tell her what had happened, she gave up questioning me. "Well young man I think you had better stay in here for the rest of the afternoon, I will let your class teachers know that you have had an, ACCIDENT, in the playground." She said emphasizing the word accident as I blushed. I hated having to lie to her, but I felt I had no choice. After she cleaned up my cuts and helped me to lay down on the small cot she returned to her desk. I didn't know it at the time, but she had started work on a new file. Daniel Winters, a year 8 student was admitted to me after lunch today suffering from cuts and bruises to the back of his head. The injuries are likely the result of a fall. Daniel has bruises on both forearms and has considerable bruising around his upper neck area, probably as a result of his tie having been pulled tightly around his throat. Daniel is most likely the victim of assault. This is something the lad vehemently denies. As the nurse finished writing the report she placed a red sticker on the new file. Later that afternoon when Thomas couldn't find me, he asked my math teacher if she had seen me, she told him that I was in the nurse's room. I saw Thomas as he came skidding around the corner into the room, startling me. "Hey Thomas, how were the try outs?" I asked him, trying to appear calm and relaxed. Thomas looked at me, taking in the bruises on my arms, and the big blue ring around my neck. "What the hell happened to you?" he asked. "Ooh no big deal, I fell over and hurt myself" I lied. "Bullshit Daniel, who did this to you?" he demanded. I stared at the floor to avoid looking Thomas in the eye, that's is when he noticed the bandage on the back of my head. "Dan!" he said as grabbed my shoulders and spun me around with more force then he intended. "Who did this to you? Tell me now or so help me god I am going to pound on your ass even more" My shoulders sagged, "OK, ok I'll tell you but only if you promise not to do or say anything." "No way man, I am not making you a promise like that, I'll find out one way or the other and when I do there is going to be trouble " Thomas said fixing me with his steely blue eyes. I told him about what Nick did. Thomas slammed his fist into the side of the cot in anger and frustration as I made him promise not to do anything about what had happened. I finally managed to convince him that it was a one-of incident and that it wasn't a very good idea for either of us to make enemies in the first term of school. Besides it was going to be difficult enough for me to convince my dad that I had had an accident. Thomas put his arm around me to comfort me as he rested his head on my shoulder affectionately "Dan you really need to toughen up, these guys are going to eat you alive if you don't. I can't always be there to protect you, I mean I will try to be, but you know what I mean?" I nodded my head, I was too afraid to speak in case I was choked up by his show of affection towards me. Just then the school bell sounded the end of the day. The nurse came back in and looked me over one last time before telling me It was ok for me to leave. As I was walking towards the door, on the way out of her room she said, "Daniel, lets hope your don't have anymore ACCIDENTS, next time young man, I wont be so easy to con." "Yes mam, I promise I will be more careful from now on" I told her as Thomas and I left. Thomas and I hardly spoke on the way to the train station. Thomas was still brooding about not being able to retaliate against Nick and his gang and I was still uncomfortable about my feelings towards Thomas. So we sat quietly on the platform waiting for our train, both of us lost in a world of our own thoughts. Finally the train arrived and we boarded, finding a seat near the rear of the train carriage. "Thoma..", "look Dan" we both spoke at the same time, "sorry Thomas, you go first" I said. "No that's ok, what were you about to say" Thomas said. Suddenly I was afraid, what if Thomas hated me for what I was about to tell him, after what happened today I couldn't handle any more drama, instead I changed the subject. "Thomas, dad is going to freak when he sees me like this, he is going to rush down to the school tomorrow and demand that heads roll, you know what he is like." I said looking down at the grime on my shirt and the bruises on my arms. Thomas looked at me, taking in the bruises on my neck and arms, the buttons ripped from my shirt. "Well we better clean you up in that case, where is your tie, we have to cover those bruises on your neck." For a moment I forgot where my tie was then suddenly I remembered it was scrunched up in my pocket, I pulled it out and frowned at the creases and dirt on it. Thomas looked at it for a moment and then shook his head, this wasn't going to work. Suddenly his eyes lit up as an idea struck him. He undid his own tie and handed it to me. "Here Dan, put this on" He said handing it to me. I took the tie from him but was having trouble putting it on because of the bruises on my neck were ultra sensitive. "I can't do it up, "I said. "Here Daniel, let me help" Thomas said as he knelt down in front of me, "Lift your head up, I cant adjust it properly," He said as he lifted my chin with his hand. When I lifted my head I was staring directly into his eyes, for a moment we both froze, then I became embarrassed and looked away. Thomas stared at the tie, pushing the tail in through my shirt opening before patting my chest. "There you go, good as new" he said in a croaky voice. I stood up and tucked my shirt in properly, I straightened my tie and adjusted my pants, I pirouetted around to let Thomas check out how I looked. He laughed and agreed that I looked passable. "Dan, are you going to tell your dad about this? " Thomas asked becoming serious again. I thought about it, "Eventually I probably will, if things get worse I will have to." I said in barely a whisper. "Daniel, it isn't going to get better until you stand up to those guys, you have to do something about this, look, let me talk to them I will..." he started to say before I cut him off mid sentence. "No way, Thomas you promised me you wouldn't, you said you wouldn't do anything, you promised rememeber?" I said desperately. Thomas looked at me with a frown on his face, "Look Dan if you don't want me to do anything then I wont, but if it happens again I am going to get involved, promise or not" he said with an air of finality in his voice. I sat there pouting while people got into our carriage and then moved further down into the train away from us. "Thomas, can I ask you something?" I said desperate to change the subject. "Yeah sure anything you like" He said knowing I was stalling. "When you jack off, what do you think about, " I asked as my cheeks blushed bright red. "Whoa, that's a question and a half dude. " he said going quiet for a moment while he thought about it. I thought he wasn't going to answer, "Well sometimes I think about Cary Johnson, man she is a major babe, other times I think about the girls in those magazines that I pinched from my dad." He said looking a little embarrassed. "What do you think of?" he asked. Suddenly terrified at the thought of answering honestly, I shrugged my shoulders, "dunno" "Come on Dan, I told you, now you have to tell me" He challenged. How was I supposed to tell him that I thought about him, thought about his body and thought about kissing him and touching him, how lately I was jerking off every night no longer even pretending that I liked girls. I knew if I told him any of that then he would hate me for sure and I would be left completely friendless. Instead I answered. "The same I guess," I said unconvincingly. "yeah right. I don't believe you" he said with a smirk on his face. "I do honest. What do you reckon I think about when I am, well you know." I asked him. "You fantasize about me! That's what. " He said. I turned pale and my mouth dropped open, "I, I don't, Thomas I don't I swear I don't." suddenly I realized he was joking, but now he was looking at me strangely. I blushed redder than before and my cheeks felt hot, I had just made a total fool out of myself, Thomas was staring at me curiously. "Daniel Winters, you do don't you? Come on you have all but admitted it, your like gay aren't you?" Thomas said, he didn't seem to be angry, he seemed more amused then anything else. "I AM NOT" I yelled back at him, suddenly becoming angry. "I hate you Thomas you're a bastard to call me something like that." I said loosing control of my temper. I am not sure if it was because of that had happened, but suddenly I was filled with rage, I leapt out of my seat and attacked Thomas, throwing punches wildly, most of them hitting the train seat. Thomas had a shocked look on his face, but he easily fended off my blows. "Daniel you throw one more fucking punch and I am going to smack you hard" he threatened. I didn't want to hear him anymore, I wanted to pound him, so I continued throwing punches at him, suddenly he lost his temper and grabbed both my arms and pushed me down into the seat. He raised his fist up to punch me. I saw it coming and I closed my eyes waiting for the blow to hit me. When nothing happened I first opened one eye and then the other. Thomas seemed to be struggling with himself, as if he was trying desperately to keep control of himself. Suddenly his fist flew towards me, I closed my eyes again, but the blow never hit me, Instead he hit the seat cushion next to me so hard that it made my head bounce of the seat. "Fuck you Daniel, go screw yourself." he said angrily as he picked up his bag and stormed out of the carriage. "Thomas I'm sorry," I called after him, but Thomas just threw his hands up in frustration and continued to walk away from me. I slumped back into my seat and started to cry, this was by and far the worst day of my entire life, it wasn't enough that I got beaten up by Nick and his gang, but then to deliberately blow off my best friend and for the stupidest reason. I was so upset that I nearly forgot to get off the train at my stop. As I was walking home I felt exhausted both mentally and physically. The only thing I had to be thankful for is that it was a Friday, so there was no school tomorrow. Fortunately for me dad wasn't home yet so I wouldn't have to explain about the cuts and bruises. I quickly scribbled a note for him and left it on the dining room table. 'Dad I am not feeling well so I have gone to bed, don't worry about me for supper I already ate something, Love Daniel.' Dad checked in on me before he went to bed, but I pretended to be asleep, I could feel him pull the covers over me before he stood up to leave the room. I was so tired and drained I soon fell asleep. I woke up early Saturday morning and had a shower, hoping the hot water would relax the stiffness in my body. Afterwards, looking at myself in the mirror I could see that the bruises had turned a nasty shade of purple over night, my arms I could deal with by wearing a long sleeved shirt, but the bruises on my neck, dad was going to notice them for sure. I didn't see or speak to Thomas for all of that weekend, nor did I see him at school for most of the following week, he was officially avoiding me. On the way home on Thursday afternoon I saw him on the train and for a moment our eyes locked, then we both turned away. Although I was very upset, I figured if Thomas didn't want to speak to me, then I wasn't going to bother him. During the day I managed to avoid Nick and his gang by spending lunch and morning tea breaks, in the library. By the following weekend I had accepted the fact that Thomas and I were no longer going to be friends, my worst fears had now been realized, Thomas thought I was gay and now he hated me. The next couple of weeks at school I was in a daze, I went to my classes as usual and tried to pay attention to what the teachers were saying, but my mind was elsewhere. One afternoon after lessons were finished I was loading my books into my locker when suddenly I was pushed hard from behind, my face slammed painfully into my locker door. I spun around angrily and was ready to confront whoever bumped into me, when I realized it was Nick. My courage evaporated instantly as I silently cursed myself for not having been more attentive. "What's up Danny boy, got a problem? " he asked, as he stared threateningly at me. I glanced quickly up and down the hall hoping to see a prefect or teacher but as usual there weren't any around. "No, I haven't " I said shakily. Nick pushed me back against the locker, he held me there with his left hand while he slapped me across the face with his right hand, and the stinging pain brought tears to my eyes. He was about to do it again when all of a sudden I heard Thomas behind him. "Leave him alone Walters," Thomas said in a level tone of voice with no emotion whatsoever. Nick was so surprised at being challenged that he let go of me immediately and turned his attention to Thomas. "Who's going to make me, you? Shithead!" "Yeah I am, but its going to be just you and me hero, not your goons, come on lets go somewhere a bit less public" Thomas said turning towards the exit with total confidence. Nick looked both startled and surprised, he hadn't expected to be challenged in this way, like most bullies he wasn't so tough when someone stood up to him. For a moment Nick seemed to struggle as he considered his response. "Not going to waste my energy on you dweeb, you'll keep till later" he said with his voice faltering, he wasn't convincing anyone with his false bravado. Nick turned back to face him, he had a contemptuous expression on his face "Well you name the time and the place Nick and I will be there to kick your ass" Thomas said. Nick glanced at me, then turned and shoved his way past Thomas and walked off down the hallway. "Thanks" I said, rubbing my cheek with my hand. My face was still stinging from the slap. "You ok? " Thomas asked, his voice softening and sounding less macho now that Nick had gone. "Yeah. I am fine, thanks very much " I said with more formality then I intended. We both stood there awkwardly for a moment before Thomas finally said "see you later then." I thanked him again, as he turned and headed down the hall. I watched him until he was out of site, then I closed my locker door before heading home. I was sitting on the train and reading my book, lost in thoughts when I heard Thomas voice, "Hi Dan. Ok if I sit here? The rest of the carriage is kind of full." I looked up at him with a happy smile on my face, my heart leapt into throat and I couldn't speak I was so excited, instead I nodded my head, yes. I turned to face him. "What have you been up to lately? "I asked trying to break the ice. "dunno, this and that, not much really. "He answered, "how about you?" "Bout the same," I replied. We were silent for a while then we both spoke at exactly the same time, causing us both to pause and wait for the other one to start talking, then we started to speak again at exactly the same time for the second time. We both cracked up laughing at the timing. After the ice was broken we started chatting about the last couple of weeks, about Nick, about school about just about everything except what had started our fight in the first place. All to soon we reached our station and left the train. "Hey Dan, want to hang out tomorrow?" Thomas asked shyly. "Yeah. I would love to, but you sure you want hang out with me? "I asked him anxiously. " Well as long as you don't try to kiss me, I know what you gays are like" he said teasing me to see if I would react. I very nearly took his bait, but rather I acted the clown, "Awe but your so cute, and you got a really tight butt, I soo want to pash with you! "I teased, puckering up my lips and closing my eyes ready for a kiss. Thomas laughed, "Your so cheap Daniel Winters" When I got home a little later I threw my arms around dad as he was sitting at the kitchen table and hugged him hard. "You and Thomas make up hey?" dad said perceptively. "We sure did" I said happily, "ooh and dad can I stay over at his place tomorrow night?" I asked. "Sure you can Dan, as long as its ok with Thomas parents." Continued in Thomas and making up....