By Roy Davenport
Authors note: For once the authors note is placed at the end of the story. Please read it any way's. You know why when you do. GRTS Roy Davenport.
Copyright warning: This story is copyright protected. You can print the story if you like but charge a fee of any kind to read this story is strictly forbidden. You can publish the story to other sites if you like but it will remain under copyright of Roy Davenport. It's strictly forbidden to change names or data.
May the 17th 2000 (continued)
It all happened the day I came back from that camp. My world collapsed .............
may the 17th 1997
When I came home there was a card waiting for me. I took it and
When I entered my room I realized how much I missed it. I was gone for 1 week but I missed my room. I missed my books, my video's, my CD's. I just missed my room. Weird isn't it.
After one more look around I sat down on my bed and opened the envelop. There was a small card in it. I started reading. And I read it again. I couldn't believe what my eyes told me. This Couldn't be true. But it was true. My eyes didn't play trick with me.
My eyes started to fill with tears. I started crying. Uncontrollable crying. This couldn't happen to me, to us. Not now, not ever. Most certainly not now Jordy and I where so happy. We finally overtook our problems and now this. It had to be a joke, It just had to be. Yeah it was a joke. Just one hell of a lousy joke. I was certain and I started to feel a little bit better.
But then, my dear Daniel, I read the card again and I realized it wasn't a joke. This had really happened. And I started crying again.
may the 17th 2000 (continued)
Unfortunately, like you already know, dear Daniel it wasn't a joke. The events had really happened. Sometimes I still have troubles accepting it. The next few day's are a blur for me. I Couldn't believe it, yet it was true. I lost my first and only love. I lost my buddy. My shoulder I could cry on when I was said. The person I could laugh with in the rain. The one who told me my live meant something. I told him the same. I wished I never left for that camp. Well that was back then. Now I am sure I wouldn't have missed that camp for a lifetime even if I did know which loss would wait me when I would come back.
Yes Jordy was gone. My feelings weren't. I cried a lot these day's. My best friends and family thought it was because I missed my best friend. Only Linda knew the truth. We spended hours together just telling each other how great Jordy was. And crying ofcoarse.
Not It's 3 years later. I still wonder what the outcome would have been when I didn't left for camp. Would Jordy be there on his own then? Would he be there anyway's? Or would it be him who felt what I felt these day's? Would he be the one who lost me? I don't know ofcoarse and somehow I think it is better that I never do know.
Well there is one thing I never told you before did I. I never told you what happened exactly. That's partly why I make this entry in you. I know I am going to miss ya but this will be my last entry in you. Then this chapter of my live will be closed and then I can move on to the next one. I write this entry in you 'cause I want you to know What happened that day. That day Jordy left me. Perhaps if I do tell you, you will understand my last entry in you almost 2 years ago.
June the 19th 1998.
Hi there Daniel,
I'm sorry I didn't wrote you anymore since last time. A lot has happened. This will be my last entry in you though. I can't stand it anymore. I'm heartbroken. I still can't believe all this shit happened these last few day's. Or rather say weeks. I'm hurt you know. I lost the only one I really cared for. Alright I still have Linda to support me but besides here I don't have anyone left. At least that's how I feel. They just don't understand how much Jordy meant for me. I really loved that guy. I still love him. I guess you and Linda are the only ones who know about that part of our relationship. Except for me that is. I feel I can't live whiteout him anymore. That's the mean reason this is gonna be my last entry. I decided to follow Jordy's steps. If he can't be with me on earth I'm sure he can be with me in heaven. He has to be.
Does that mean that ...........?
Well I guess it does. I just have to be with him no matter where that will be. So if it means I have to die to be with him then so be it. I just have to be. You will understand sooner or later. You will understand when you loose your first love like I did. I know it sounds a little bit dramatic but alright I just gotta be with him one way or the other. Don't think I don't feel bad because of that. I know I'm gonna hurt some people with my decision. I know my mum and dad will never understand. I know my sister won't too. I know Linda looses to best friends within 2 month's. I just gotta do this. Not for them but for me. I feel like this is the only way out. I feel this is the only way to be happy again. To be happy with Jordy again. It hurts me a lot you know. I don't wanna say goodbye to all my friends, my family, the ones I love with al my heart. I just gotta be with Jordy again. I GOTTA BE WITH HIM AGAIN NO MATTER WHAT.
may the 17th 2000 (continued)
While reading this I started to cry. Now 2 years later I still feel sad and hurt inside. I feel like I betrayed him 'cause I moved on. I feel I left him alone. I know it's for the best. I know he wouldn't have it any other way. That's probably why he somehow sent Linda to me that night. I know it was his way of saying he wouldn't allow me to die. I just know he wanted me to be happy whiteout him. That he knew I loved him with al my heart. It's Linda who saved me that night. Stopped me before committing suicide. It has to be the influence of Jordy. I can't find someone else who would have done that. I can't find someone loving me more and knowing me better then Jordy did. It has to be him who told me I had to move on. I had to stay alive to make sure our dreams would come true. To make sure at least my dreams would come true. To make sure that at least his last dream would come true.
The day I received that card is still the worst day in my live. It was the day I realized I lost Jordy forever. The day I realized Jordy died due to a stooped accident. If only that car wasn't there that day. If only the driver wasn't drunk. If only Jordy wasn't on his way to buy me a card. If only Jordy wasn't alone but with me or Linda or who ever could be with him. But no. He was alone. The driver was drunk. My Jordy died cause a drunken driver missed the sign. He was there at the wrong moment, the wrong day, the wrong hour, the wrong minute. He was there at the wrong second. Everything was wrong that day. Not only there. At he place he died but even at the camp. I was sick that day. Couldn't eat a bite. They all thought it was cause I drunk too much the night before but no, It was cause the only person I cared about with my live died that day. I'm sure of it now.
I am in love with someone else right now. I feel guilty cause I leave Jordy alone. I feel sad cause I betrayed his trust. I feel happy cause I know Jordy is happy that I have found someone else to share my human existent with. I know Jordy will be mine forever. That he will be in my heart forever. I will never forget him cause he was the first person I told I was gay. Cause he was the 1st person I could be myself with. Cause I loved him the same way he loved me.
I'll never forget his touch, his kindness, his laughter, his smile, his dreams. I will never forget who he was, what he stands for.
I will never forget the day he told me he wanted to give me something special for our 18th birthday's. I won't forget the promise he made me a few weeks before he died. I will never forget the commitment we made.
It's only a few day's ago I felt up to it. And today I did it. Today I made sure no one could forget what Jordy meant for me. I made sure all my future boyfriends would know my heart belonged to someone else. I made sure that everyone knew Jordy was mine and mine forever.
I made his last dream come true. He told me he wanted to give me a special present at my 18th birthday. Today it was my 18th birthday and today I made his last dream come true.
Yes I made his very last wish come true. And I know I did the right thing. He promised me he would have a tattoo when we turned 18th. A small red rose with my name written under it. Today was my 18th birthday. It's today I received my first and last tattoo. Today and all other day's from now I wear his name forever. His name written under a bright red rose.
My new boyfriend was there with me when I made sure the name Jordy would never be forgotten. I told him the whole story. He cried with me after it was done. He supported me and understands why I had to do this. I love him with all my heart. The same way I loved Jordy once. No that's not right. No love ever could be the same like I loved Jordy. He was my first one and he will be my last one. HE WILL BE SPECIAL FOREVER. NO MATTER WHAT.
Authors note: Hi there guy's. It hurts. It hurts a lot. After 6 other chapters this will be the last chapter for the Daniel Black Series. After this chapter the story will be told. This isn't a happy chapter though yet it is. It's the end of a chapter of my live. Yes chapter 7 is the last chapter for this Series. I still remember the day I posted the 1st chapter on Nifty. I was inexperienced. didn't know how to write yet I tried. I got a few responses most of them telling me my spelling was bad. I tried to correct that and I succeeded. After that people told me they liked to read the story. That it had a fresh way of telling a story. A story written in Diary form. Now after 6 months of writing this story is finished. There has been a long wait between chapter 5 and 6 and then between chapter 6 and 7. It proved me difficult to write those chapters. Feelings came rushing back on me. I cried a lot these day's. The only thing that kept me writing was you. You, the guy's that e-mailed me that they liked the story. That they wanted me to continue. The ones who told me they learned from it. That they understood what I've been trough all these years. I know this last chapter isn't one of the happiest chapters for this story. It's been the most difficult to write that's for sure. It's also the largest chapter I have written in this series. I had a lot to finish. A lot of questions where asked. Is everything going to be okay?? What's in the card you received at the end of chapter 6??
These questions have been answered here. Not all of you are glad with the outcome I know that. I promised myself before I started to write this story I would write out of memory. Out of my heart. I promised myself I wouldn't write what my readers would like to read. I promised myself I would write the truth. I would write what truly happened even when it was heartbreaking what had happened. This is a true story indeed.
No it didn't happened to me in real life. It's a story that happened to one of my best friends. I still feel sorry for him. He had to endure all these sadness, quilt and all other feelings he had. I understand how difficult this had to be and I wanted to show others that live isn't all about sunshine. That live can be mean.
I also wanted to show that every obstacle can be overtook. Don't think your live isn't worth living 'cause it doesn't turns out the way you would have liked. It never will. Live has it own moods. It can be cruel, it can be kind. You'll never know before it happens to you. You'll never know when it happens. You only know after. One moment live can be good. You can be happy. The next moment something happened and your live is turned upside down. A broken relationship, Someone you love died, your parent's divorce, you turning out to be gay.
Believe me: All of these things are not the end of the world. There will be something or someone worth living for. How hopeless live might seem there is someone who cares for you. You just have to find him or her.
Now you probably say: That's easy for you to say.
Yes indeed it is easy for me to say. I might be only 18 years old but I had a friend who committed suicide cause he was gay. My parents did divorced in April 1999. I wanted to commit suicide myself 'cause I felt I couldn't deny my own feelings anymore. I knew I was gay but I thought my surroundings wouldn't understand how I felt.
I was wrong and I'm sure you are wrong too when you think the same I thought once. People love you the way you are not the way you want to be. It's difficult to believe sometimes. But it's true.
And if people don't love you the way you are then those people aren't worth loving.
Yes that's very easy to say for me. I have parent's who love me. I've got friends who don't care I'm gay. But I had to fight for all my friends. I had to prove myself. I had to show them I wasn't any different then they where. I still have to prove that every day. But with your help and with the help of guy's like us I'm sure you and I are going to succeed.
You are not the only one with these feelings in the world. There are a lot and lot's more then just you.
Remember this: We are one Big family with the same problems of acceptance. We can help each other. Just by telling our experiences or by giving advice to each other. The one turns out to be better then the other but at least we are there for each other. I want to be there for you if you want me to be there for you.
Like you where there for me when I needed it the most. You proved it by reading all 7 Chapters of the Daniel Black Series.
Thank you for that.
And please continue to e-mail me at Roy_Davenprot@hotmail.com It's the best award you can give me for writing this story. I enjoyed it. I hope you did too.
GRTS Roy Davenport.