Date: Fri, 20 Feb 2009 20:36:15 EST
From: chiconian1@aol.com
Subject: Early Beginnings Post Script

Jimmy suggested I write this story which is based on my actual history.  He
believed it would be good therapy to deal with some of my unanswered
questions. He too was a victim of abuse as a child and has always insisted
that what Perry and Tommy did to me was wrong.

Jimmy's abuse was different then mine. His mother tried to beat the gay
out of him until he couldn't tolerate it any longer and left home at the
age of 16. He has had a much rougher life than I. When I met him, he was
working two jobs, barely making it, while putting himself through
college. It was not just his good looks which attracted me to him, it was
also his strength and maturity. When I first saw Jimmy walking across the
campus, I saw something which I was sorely lacking; purpose and
direction.

After writing the story and reading it several times, I somewhat agree
with Jimmy. I believe what Perry did to take away my innocence and turn
me into a 6 year old cock whore was wrong. However, when I met Tommy, I
was already imprinted with the need to please an older boy and all he did
was fulfill an already implanted need. The difference was Tommy had a
conscience and became my friend and protector.

I will never know if I would have been gay or strait had people allowed
me to grow up without the molestation (including the neighbor girls). I'm
not bitter, just curious. I am not sorry that I am gay, otherwise I would
have never met Jimmy. I consider myself to be very lucky guy.

Although I am basically a top, I only wanted to be a top for one reason.
I understood at an early age that the majority of gay men are bottoms. If
I became a good top, it would increase my odds of finding a partner.

Inside, I am still that little boy who wants to please his partner and
receive praise afterwards and have my ego stroked by the object of my
affection. I crave it. Jimmy, although my age, has now become that older
boy from who I receive the praise.

For Jimmy, I am the man who will always love and protect him. Who he can
trust to never hurt or abuse him. We fulfill each others needs.

He gives me one other gift which I had never before experienced;
'passion.' That is something that was always missing from my life before
we met.

The lesson I learned from this exercise is older boys and men should
allow children to enjoy their innocence for as long as possible and
not interfere with their natural process of growing up.

My own opinion.



Comments, chiconian1@aol.com