Re-Edited - Draft One
The regular warnings apply as always. Consider charity for nifty's awesome service. Please don't alter or reproduce my work without first contacting me.
Feedback would be appreciated, if you would like to send me an email. Please do.
A SIDE NOTE; this is just an updated version of EIWT Draft 1. A full book, with new characters, scenes and plot is coming soon as an Ebook.
Contact and find me on these sites. I'll be posting daily updates on Tumblr.
Email - firstname.lastname@example.org
Twitter - @author_daniels
For anyone who is interested, I have other stories on nifty. I will list them at the end of the story.
To my friend and editor Leo, who has spent a great number of hours revamping the face of EIWT.
To my friend and fellow writer Hunter, for all the support he has shown during the course of my writing. Check out his story Open Hearts.
1. Machine by Scott Helman
2. Bottled Up Tight by Luke Sital-Singh
3. A Little Too Much by Shawn Mendes
In The Last Chapter: Austin tells Sam about his past and how he was bullied. Sam remains silent and lets him tell his side of the story, this brings to two boys closer together.
While Ethan and Sam meet up after lunch, they head out to their childhood fort and start a delicate conversation that ends up escalating to Ethan's leaving the room.
Could Ethan be bisexual or could he just be jealous of the attention Austin is getting. Keep reading to find out.
Even If We Tried
by d.k. dANIELS
I thought about what had unfolded in front of me for the last couple of hours. I settled into the corner and didn't bother to stir.
I sat alone in the darkened interior of my childhood hangout. I could feel the effects of night cloak me.
It was getting cold out and since it had been warm during the daytime, I had had no need for a jacket.
I thought about what Ethan had said. Did he actually say what I thought he said? He had to be confused, did he say he hated me?
Did he tell me he likes me, or did he just say that he cares about me. Was he jealous that I was spending time with Austin?
I was not in the greatest of mind sets at all.
I began to shiver, and the odd gleam of tail lights that could be seen from the cars that were passing by on the road above crept in.
I was stuck in the moment. I could not bring myself to move, or to go home, or call someone. I wasn't depressed or anything; I was just really confused.
I wondered if it would be a good idea to confront Ethan about what he said, the next time we met, or if I should send him a message or just brush it off.
But I decided that silence was best for the moment. I found myself jumping to conclusions that made no sense at all.
I also rethought my strategy about facing Nash. Things were becoming more complicated all around;
Austin said that he didn't leave me the note in my locker on the first day he arrived.
Come to think of it, I don't know what I was expecting, because he had just arrived at school, so he wouldn't have known me all that much.
But I found myself weighing the other options of the anonymous admirer.
Who was he or she? I definitely hoped it was a he, but if it was a she then I'd really have to take the bullet.
I heard that if you reject one of the popular girls that you become a social outcast immediately.
I guess I'm not far from that, but I still assume that I have some good friends left in school.
There were too many pressures starting to form; the only place I can say that I would feel safe would be home.
So, I stood up, drew in a stressed sigh and trailed to the door.
The walk home was relatively short. I walked by all the shop fronts and kept to the main streets as much as possible.
All the motion around me seemed relentless.
All the signs of life, the cars driving by, people laughing, people smoking, people talking, neon signs blinking in store windows, the effortless changing of the traffic lights,
people that where in a hurry going from point A to point B, the cold steel shutters that shielded shops from their day time activities, t
he dried concrete and tarmac under my feet and the crisp, nippy fresh air fell on the sleepy city.
Everything seemed beautiful in way that I had never noticed before, but with that said, it was a tiresome walk home.
Knocking on the front door of my house, I looked down at my door step in part defeat and part sadness.
When the door opened I slowly lifted my head up to the figure I called mom; she was surrounded by the light emanating from the kitchen at the end of the hallway.
She was possibly the closest representation of an angel in that moment.
"Sam", she said in a genuine but soothing voice.
She could see that something was on my mind, and she was ready to listen to my troubles as always, if I wanted to tell her.
All it took was one word and I felt like bawling, but I was stronger than that, so I played it off as if nothing was happing.
I suppressed my feelings; I can handle this, I assured myself. I'm not mushy, I swear.
I stated sadly that I was going to bed; mom didn't protest, she just watched me creep up the stairs and disappear.
I closed my door silently and lay down on my bed, I gazed at the alarm clock on my bedside locker and watched the hours clock up into the early hours of the morning.
By this time, I had curled into a ball. My hope diminished slowly as every passing moment was an eye opener.
My eyes where heavy, but the main thing that was on my mind was Ethan.
Usually he would have messaged me by now; whenever we had a fight or when he got grumpy, he would call or text me to say everything was alright.
I started to have some worried feelings about him; did he go straight home?
Did he walk around for hours after he left me and think about everything I had told him? I felt I was losing control.
Nash was my enemy now; I have known him for many years, but now he was my enemy. Ethan, I'm not sure what's going on with him;
I can't even tell if he's mad at me. I could not even bring myself to message him to see if we were cool or to talk about it at least, and Austin,
he's the only one that I can trust at the moment. I'm becoming unpopular, I knew that much; it was only a matter of time before people started to hate me.
But my biggest bully, I think was me, sad but true. I had always despised listening to that little voice in my head that tells you that you should do something,
but that voice is usually accompanied by a gut feeling telling you not to do it, that is, telling everyone what was going on.
I didn't want anything to get any worse, so I just decided to call it quits.
My brain could not take any more; it was starting to hurt and not long after I closed my heavy eyes I forgot all my worries for a few short hours.
***** Tuesday *****
Then Tuesday came around. I unwillingly got up out of bed after the alarm had gone off; I had not heard from Ethan since Sunday, and I hadn't seen him in school yesterday.
I was getting the impression that he was avoiding me; he had got my messages yesterday morning, asking was he okay,
but he didn't bother replying to them; he just left them unanswered.
I will admit that it hurt: I tried sitting down at my usual table with the lads yesterday, but they all went quiet when I sat down.
Did Ethan tell them something; or did Nash? I felt sickened but felt that I had to uphold my dignity, so I sat through the entire awkward interaction and ate my lunch.
I could feel their burning eyes looking at me, but not much was said. Blake tried to offer a friendly gesture, but he too quickly became silent.
I think I was getting a little paranoid, because I felt that the whole school was looking at me and new my secret.
People would smile at me every day, but I felt there was something off about some of their smiles these days.
It was almost like they were forced smiles. Maybe it was just me being paranoid and reading into things too much.
I don't think anyone hates me or anything, or maybe they are not talking about me behind my back.
Maybe Ethan was sick and that's why he wasn't in school. Maybe there was an answer to all the strange anomalies.
That's all I had; I had to assure myself that nothing had changed, although deep down I knew something had.
I was not asking for people to go out of their way to acknowledge me or anything. It almost felt like people where suiting their selves.
Austin though was his usual self. He was back to school; I had to admit that he was pretty brave.
I was proud of him for that, despite all the glances he may have been getting.
I would have most likely cowed in a corner and stayed far away from school.
Starting Tuesday like any other day, I went in and showered.
Standing under the water to the silence was all that I needed, but the thoughts of the last couple of days were not gone.
They had multiplied; they were more frequent to say the least.
They were like a plague, that was slowly eating away or picking at my brain to see a reaction.
Throwing on a pair of grey jeans and a black hoodie after I had dried myself, I made way my downstairs to get breakfast.
Lauran had already left for school with one of her friends that had knocked early and she decided to grab something to eat on the way to school as far as mom had mentioned.
I was a little zoned out to what mom was actually saying. I was still contemplating telling my mom about Ethan.
I mean for advice, but I didn't. How was I going to explain Ethan: `Hey mom, Ethan is weird and he doesn't want to talk to me because I'm hanging around with Austin.'
I cleaned up after I ate and put my bowl in the sink. Slipping on my Nike shoes,
I grabbed my school bag, hugged my mom bye and I headed out the backdoor and pushed my bike out to the driveway.
I had to say I felt that today was going to be a lucky day. I assured myself that I was going to have a good day and not feel judged or succumb to all the raging emotions.
Standing up on my bike, I pedalled on the sidewalk for about half a block under the shade of the trees and then darted out onto the road and cycled at a calm pace toward school.
I pulled into one of the spare slots in the bike rack outside the front entrance of the school building.
I dismounted my bike, crouched down and pulled a bike lock from my bag and placed it on the bottom half of the frame and through the front wheel-
and to the steel frame of the bike rack. Once I had secured my bike,
I then stood back up and proceeded toward the glass door and zipped up my school bag at the same time.
I didn't bother looking around to see if people were looking at me. I only wanted to get to my locker, but I did bump into Garratt on the way in.
He didn't say much, which was unlike him, but he was usually grouchy in the mornings, but never with me.
`I knew it, my reputation was dwindling or it was tarnished and I'll never be able to fix it. He could have said, what's up or something, but nothing.
Not today. I guess things are changing.
I continued on down the main hallway and stopped at my locker, and opened it. There were a couple of people standing around talking.
There was a boy and girl that I didn't really know, talking by the locker across the hall.
They most likely knew who I was and everyone usually just smiled at me, even if I never really interacted with them.
But out of curiosity I looked over at them and they gave me a weird look before the girl distracted to boy and started conversing again.
I opened my bag and took what I needed from my locker and placed the contents into my bag.
I took a small step back and looked to the right where Ethan's locker is. But he was not there, I felt uncomfortable in these familiar surroundings.
Maybe he was angry with me. But where was Austin, he said he was going to meet me at the front entrance and we'd walk in together.
Yes, my mind is all over the place; it's just another side thought that had lodged in my train of thought all of a sudden.
I felt I was definitely becoming paranoid.
I went back to taking stuff I didn't need out of my bag and with annoyance with myself I launched the stuff into the small compartment-
as I looked at memorabilia on the door of my locker.
Everything screamed pretty about my friendship with Ethan, and everything I had ever done or dared to do was with him.
I would not have had the strength to do some of the things or talk to some of the people I have talked to without him.
He was like a lifeline for me, and now I was missing him.
Throwing in my last book I stopped for a minute trying to get a hold of myself; I didn't want to cry in school. I was not sad just angry.
But it was more from frustration than anything else. I decided that I would go to the bathroom and lock myself in a cubicle to cry.
I definitely didn't want to let anyone see that I had feelings; this place was like a hunting grounds for juicy gossip.
Just then I heard the squeak from a locker a couple of doors up from me open.
"Ethan!", I called out as I stepped back to clear my view, but I was stopped in my tracks when I saw it was Austin.
Giving a bashful smile I chided myself from a little bit of embarrassment.
I didn't forget about the bigger picture though; it was still hanging over me like a cloud.
Some part of me wished that it was Ethan standing over there, rather than Austin.
But that didn't change the fact I still liked Austin; I just badly wanted to fix things.
"Sorry...", I offered and felt myself blush and get those butterflies that keep coming around at the wrong times.
I hope I was not red faced and blushing, but now that I'm thinking about it,
I could feel myself starting to blush.; god Sam, stop being a retard.
A second passed and he flashed an adorable smile; he seemed so radiant today, I could feel that nothing was holding him back.
It made me feel good that he felt confident; maybe it was because I was around, or maybe I was a layer of safety for him.
That made me feel special, yes. But I still felt vulnerable.
I closed my locker and fumbled the combination and strolled the small distance toward him.
"It's okay," he sweetly said. With another smile, he asked "How are you today?"
It felt a little weird, yes, especially with what had happened.
Maybe it was me but if you didn't know him and just met him, you would probably think he was touched in the head or something.
I had no explanation to where this happiness came from. Nevertheless,
I was not going to question it and extinguish his happiness or diminish my hope of Ethan talking to me again.
I felt the eyes in the corridor staring at us; I could just feel it, I felt ashamed of myself for some unknown reason.
If I had the opportunity to possibly escape from the uncomfortable glances I was getting from people walking by,
I would have just left Austin standing there in the hallway, to retreat.
But I knew deep in my heart that that would be wrong.
I made a promise to stick with him and I was intent on doing that. I was afraid, obviously; years of hard work to establish myself could be swept away in a moment.
Then that small voice clouded over my better judgment and told me maybe it was already too late.
"Guess what?", Austin animatedly shouted, as his eyes lit up in anticipation of what he was about to tell me.
"Okay, what.", I chuckled lightly. I was on board with what he was going to say, but my mind was still in other places.
But if it was good news then I guess it would not be that bad of a distraction.
He nervously started to speak as he rubbed his forearm in that cute way. "I know you signed up for baseball, the other day..."
I looked at him with wide eyes; it was unexpected, because I had not told him about either of the sports.
I guess I he must have been stalking me. I felt a little blush-worthy but wary about how he knew this. Before speaking I decided to let him finish first.
"Well I signed up too... and I got the baseball. Em... I just wanna know if you got baseball."
I felt my world starting to crumble under the weight. I had enough to worry about other than this. I knew I couldn't play both, or maybe I could,
but I knew I'd only suffer later from exhaustion or a breakdown of some sort, if I was to try and please both Ethan and Austin. Was he waiting for my answer, like now?
Please don't put me on the spot, I cried on the inside.
The dread was setting in; he wanted an answer on the spot, and I could feel a panic attack coming on.
"Yeah, I got baseball...", I blurted out.
Smiling his usual smile, he then went on to say, "Cool, well, two of us could be on the same team, right?"
But he quickly abandoned his question when he saw I was becoming a little pale.
"Sam, are you okay?", he softly said with concern.
The sports thing was supposed to be mine and Ethan's thing, but how could I say no to Austin though.
But what am I going to say to Ethan? I can't reject him too. I looked around the hall, and became aware of my surroundings again.
I caught hint of a girl walking by who was sniggering as she passed.
I felt insecure and started to turn to walk to the bathroom, leaving Austin standing at the locker.
"Sam!", he called with surprise as I could hear him faintly in the background, hurrying up his pace at his locker.
Finding it hard to breathe I made it to the door of the bathroom, when the slam of a locker door echoed through the hallway.
I turned to look at the source of the noise, and Austin was running toward me with a worried look on his face.
People were looking at the commotion or the scene that was taking place in front of them. I knew they were looking; there was no denying it.
Pushing the door open I made my way inside the dimly lit bathroom that smelled like a concoction of bleach and urine.
It was relatively quiet in the bathroom; nobody was in the toilet.
Then the door opened and the outside noise filled the small room and then faded away after the fire door closed behind Austin.
Leaning against the countertop with my back towards the mirror,
I looked over at Austin who had made his way to the end of the counter and looked unsure about how to proceed.
He held his backpack in one hand and mine in the other.
He let both of them drop the small distance to the floor and crept up to me and sat on the countertop with me with his back towards the mirror.
He didn't say anything; he just sat with me. It felt nice to have him there. He could see something was on my mind.
My eyes had started to well up and I let out a stressed sigh.
"Sammy...", he said in a soothing voice. I glanced over at him with blurry eyes.
"I'm listening" he said simply, in the simplest words he could say.
I let my guard down. Maybe it was not the best thing to do that in school, but he seemed genuine.
"I just have a couple of things on my mind," I stated dryly, as I was trying to avoid the subject.
`A few things?', I questioned myself. It was more than a few things. Some that came to mind were, I was worried about Ethan,
I was worried about Austin; was Ethan even talking to me? Austin wants to get closer and I'm not ready. What would people think?
I don't even want to be this way. Will I get bullied over it if I accept him, even lose friends, or become a social outcast?
Who was that goddamn letter from? I had the worries of Nash on my case also. He knew about me and I knew it was just a matter of time before he would come knocking.
Would he still come back to me and confront me about what happened at the party?
Who should I choose, Ethan or Austin? Should I choose both Baseball and Lacrosse? I know that would have repercussions later.
What would Austin's parents think if I was dating him. What would my mom say to Lauran or Jonathan?
I can't be myself in this school; I would not be able to hold hands with Austin.
AND..., there's still that fact that Ethan became mushy with me and sort of told me he was messed up or something.
That fucking science exhibition. Ethan is not talking to me now, so I don't have a partner.
Does that mean Austin doesn't have a partner?
Would it be right to drop Ethan if he's not talking to me, and be Austin's partner?
But what happens if he's not actually mad at me and he comes in an expects me to still be his partner, will that make him jealous?
It wasn't like I was going insane, but I did have a lot on my mind. I guess you could say I'm overloaded; and that, if I burned toast, I'd cry.
I've had those days; they're pretty shitty, I know.
Sighing out, I wiped the tears that had built up in my eyes away. I could feel the serious escalation in my anxiety levels.
He looked at me and gave a smirk, "I'm not gullible. But if you have anything to say I want you to be able to tell..."
He trailed off, not needing to say anything else.
As I was nodding my head, the bathroom door flung open, banging the wall violently, and in walked two boys who were a little older than us.
Maybe sixteen or so; one of the boys was taller than the other.
The tallest one had jet black hair and a strong looking build; they were laughing and joking as the taller lad led the smaller boy behind him.
The smaller guy had mousy brown hair and kind of looked a little bit like Ethan, if he were sixteen. T
he taller boy stopped at the urinal and curtly stated, "Out faggots."
We didn't need to be reminded; both of us stood straight back up away from the counter and picked up our bags from the ground.
I followed Austin who was leading the way. As I was leaving, I heard one the boys talk about a girl being pregnant,
but before I could hear anymore we were both back out in the noisy corridor.
Heading off to class with Austin, since both of us had the same English class, we took our seats at our usual desks while Ethan was not in yet.
But as time went on, I learned that Austin's partner had dumped him and I felt that it was only right for me to take the mature option;
I moved my desk and seat over toward Austin's desk as the teacher was only focused on getting the science exhibition out of the way.
Anytime I looked up at the board, or when the teacher talked, I could see people in my peripheral vision staring at me and most likely talking about us behind our backs.
But then I felt all the clumped-up emotions and part regret and part betrayal for nothing, when Ethan came in late.
His arrival was enough to disrupt the teacher talking, so much so that he apologised and took his seat where he always sat.
He saw me and kept looking over toward me with a hurt expression. He looked around him as he placed his bag under the desk and sat down.
Once he sat down, he didn't look at me again. The teacher went on teaching the lesson.
I turned around three or four times, but stopped after that to try and make sense of why Ethan was acting this way.
He would usually be the person who would say good morning to me -- every morning for the best part of a decade.
If we had a major fight he would usually be the first one to say sorry, when he came into school.
Turning my attention back to Austin and the science project, I tried to focus on the project with him.
But Austin became aware and actually pointed out that it was odd that Ethan and I had not even as much as said one word to each other all morning.
I brushed it off to both of us being tired and focused on other stuff.
Just before lunch the principal popped her head in the door and called my name.
Rational thought jumped ahead, and I thought I was trouble; for what, I had no idea. Then she called Ethan which worried me even more.
But nonetheless both of us got up and vacated the classroom. Just the two of us. She then led us back toward the main office.
Ethan walked beside m; and didn't utter a word. He just kept his attention directed ahead or to the lockers beside him.
I could feel the tension in the air.
I decided to try break the ice and mention the lacrosse. I did not want to make things worse by asking why he stormed out on Sunday.
But I knew I would have to approach that conversation sooner or later if me and him made up.
Maybe I should just let him tell me in his own time, I know that if I didn't want to talk about something,
I would get mad at someone if they kept playing on it.
"Are you looking forward to the lacrosse?" It would be extremely hurtful if he ignored me and didn't acknowledge me.
But he didn't talk to me like he usually would; he kept it short and to the point.
It also appeared that he had something on his mind, but was reluctant to go into any details or even try and make a conversation with me.
With a huff, he stated with an edgy vibe "I... I guess." Then the silence returned. I thought that he was mad at me for sure, of what, I didn't know.
But he did express or even ask if I was still interested in doing lacrosse. When I stated yes, he gave a contented sigh and then the silence returned.
Reaching the principal's office, she welcomed us in with a smile and told us to sit down.
Doing as we were told, I sat on the left wooden chair and Ethan sat on the right.
Our principal was a nice woman, when you were on her good side. What was more intriguing though, was why I was here in the first place.
The principal sometimes looked scary, because she always wore black or dark greys, but that definitely didn't suit her character.
I think she dressed like that, just to give an illusion she meant business.
Her tired eyes and dull blond hair suggested she was always stressed about something or another.
The office was brightly lit; it had book shelves lining the left side of the room;
the only break in the continuous shelf was for the door to the office in the very middle of the wall.
Her cheaply assembled laminate beach desk took up the smaller of the floor space in the room and it left barely enough room for two chairs-
in front of her desk and a swivel leather chair at her side of the desk.
Taking her seat in front of us, I felt nervous being there. Did I do something wrong?
Looking over at Ethan for reassurance, he didn't offer much support because he didn't bother looking back over at me.
Then the principal cut in with a warm smile.
"Sorry boys, for pulling you out of class. I am aware you are very busy lads; so, I'll just get to the point.
I called you boys out of class to let you know that your request for the summer carwash fundraiser has been approved."
The relief I felt, it was such unexpected news at a time like this; it had completely slipped my mind.
Looking from the smiling principal I turned my glance toward Ethan, who was looking over at me for the first time since he came to school this morning.
He cocked his head slightly and faintly smiled, before he reverted his attention back to the principal.
Turning back to her I smiled, to show that Ethan was not bothering me. "Thanks Ms. Daly".
I had to say that was good news but I didn't really care to hear about it all that much.
With not much else being said between me and Ethan, I guess that she felt a little uneasy and she said if we had any more questions, t
o just put them in the question box and she'd get back to us. Nodding and thanking her, I exited the room with Ethan.
Heading back through the reception and back to class, not much was said between us, we stopped by a water fountain and he took a sip and asked if I wanted one.
Moving away from the fountain, I dipped my head down and pressed the lever for the water to spurt out.
After taking a couple of gulps Ethan then broke the silence in a curious tone.
"Are you partnering up with Austin for the science exhibition?"
He studied me for my answer. I felt helpless and I could not think of what to say. I was put on the spot yet again; this keeps happening to me lately.
Standing straight back up, I was half afraid to answer, in case he walked away again and go mad; this was the most conversation I had got out of him all day.
But I made a promise to both him and Austin. I said that I would do the baseball with Austin and now I said I would do the science exhibition with him.
I felt that I was being a little selfish here. It only dawned on me that I was pushing Ethan away to spend more time with Austin;
it was only noticeable now that I actually stopped to think about it. Maybe that's why he got annoyed at me the other day.
But how would I go about telling him that I wanted to do the science thing with Austin,
I would rather do the sports with him, but how would I tell Austin that I didn't want to do baseball with him. He looked a little hurt because I was taking so long to answer his question.
He gave me a quizzical look, and almost appeared to be demanding my answer. Before I knew it, I blurted out my answer.
"No...; I'm going to do it with Austin, but..." Before I could get anything else out, he turned and walked away,
leaving me standing at the drinking fountain. I felt a gut-retching blow to my stomach that made me feel terribly guilty.
Following after him, I called out, not once but three times,
Following him back around to the corridor our classroom was on, I called yet again, but he didn't have any of it.
He was like a zombie on a mission. Speaking in a stressed and panicky voice I said, "Ethan, I was going to say I'm going to do the lacrosse with you."
Yet still nothing; we closed in on the last couple of metres from the door to the classroom.
I was trailing behind him and then launched myself around him and blocked his path.
"Ethan, I'm sorry." I felt really guilty, and I was going to say that I would drop the science project with Austin, but then I realised if I did that,
just how mad Austin would be with me. I felt trapped so I just stuck with I'm sorry.
I was weighing the options; there was no way to escape, unless I did both sports with both of them.
I wasn't sure what to do but when he said, "Can you move out of my way" in an abrupt tone, I did and he opened the door to the classroom and went on inside.
I felt saddened by the way the day was going. How was I going to fix this, I thought? Heading inside I sat back down at my desk,
Austin was quick to ask why I was called to the principal's office and I told him, sparing no details.
Me and Ethan asked to have a summer carwash for a fundraiser, and any money we made we wanted to donate to children with autism.
But now I'm not sure if he wants to even help out run this event with me anymore. He didn't look at me for the rest of the morning.
I gave him a truly hurt expression during maths but he didn't respond to it.
During lunch, I ate quietly with Austin at the table I had seen him eat with the two girls, you know, the table he ate at when he first arrived at this cesspit.
The table I usually ate at felt uncomfortable to sit at, especially if I was to bring Austin into the equation.
So, for now I was sitting here with him. It was not all that bad; a couple of people looked at us, but didn't pass any remarks or judgment.
My original social group sat at the table I used to sit at, with their backs turned to me. Only Ethan could see me clearly from where he was sitting.
Every time I looked over at him, he would break the stare and look someplace else.
Austin could really sense the tension and he finally asked, "are you and Ethan fighting?"
I was going to lie, but that was not in my nature; I would feel that I would be hurting Austin in the long run if I withheld information from him,
so I was honest with him.
Sadly, I said, as I played with the lunch on my food tray,
"Yeah, I'm not sure what I've done, but I think he's jealous."
He let his fork slip from his fingers and it dropped to his food tray and then the table, taking some of the loose food with it.
He was about to take hold of my hand for comfort or support, but I quickly tensed up and looked around me.
I was waiting for someone to throw me to the wolves with harsh and bitter comments, but it never happened.
Austin, realised that also and remembered where he was and apologized.
"I'm sorry, I forgot where we are."
A brief pause occurred as he looked off into the distance. The ambiance in the background was a little eerie.
All the laughter and all the conversations were going on in the background, despite what was going on at our table.
What really broke my heart was when I looked from Austin to Ethan. He was laughing. He was laughing without me, at my table.
Austin then cut in again and asked nervously and supportive at the same time, "Why is he jealous?"
Without thinking, I lambasted coldly at Austin, "because of you!" Realising what I said and how I said it, I turned to Austin who looked a little offended.
Stammering over each word, I almost vomited my words out onto the table and possibly felt my heart sink to the bottom of the deepest pit.
"I'm... sorry; I didn't mean for that to come out that way. Em..., I just meant that he's upset because I lov... "
"I mean, like you more than just a normal friend."
FUCK, I scolded myself; don't go down that road unless you're totally sure, Sam. It seemed to have worked, because Austin was blushing,
I'm not sure what part he was blushing about, but I think it was pretty evident that I was about to say I loved him and then stopped.
But now that the cat is out of the bag, I guess you could say I was in love. I'm not sure exactly what it is; all I can describe is a funny feeling in my stomach.
In my possible obsession with Austin, everything about him was perfect.
I felt this hot and heavy pressure in my chest when we kissed and sometimes I was even dizzy. Like I was walking on a cloud or something.
I don't know how to describe it, but it makes me feel good, not a good feeling like when you buy a new game.
It's like a proud feeling like when you see someone you love achieving something.
It's like a happiness that cannot be found anywhere else; and it only comes around when he's around.
However, I felt afraid to speak all of my mind's contents around him.
I didn't want him to think that I didn't appreciate him. To be honest, I didn't know what to do with him, or without him.
I really did like him; he was adorable and sweet. But what was I to do with him. How do I go about being, `em, a gentleman', I guess. Do I buy him lots of things?
I wonder what he'd like. He does like fashion, but what would he want me to get him? What if he didn't like it if I did get him something?
Or maybe he just wanted me to be there for him?
I sure hope things get easier and that I can understand all these feelings that are buried deep down under all the stress and worrying.
They are the only feelings that are nice of late, and I definitely don't want them going anywhere, anytime soon, even if they are confusing to me.
Ugh, I give. I wanna rest my brain for a little'
He seemed content with my answer and didn't bother bringing it back up again.
I know he was most likely wanting more answers to more questions, but I did not have the brain power to cope with it right now.
Picking up our bags, I walked Austin back to his locker to get some books. I talked with him all the way as he kept going on about what he was going to do in Seattle.
I didn't take in much of it, but I was definitely free of some mental blockage from earlier, and I just nodded and agreed with everything.
Feeling a familiar feeling, I said I needed to run to the bathroom, and left Austin digging in his locker for books and made the small distance to the toilet.
I was going to go to the urinal, but I stopped midway in the restroom and decided on a stall, because I didn't feel safe at a urinal.
Latching the door behind me, I unzipped my pants and pulled my flaccid flesh out and started to pee.
I looked up at the top of the divider wall and at the small gap at the bottom between the tiles and cubicle, to make sure nobody was looking over.
I felt really edgy. Shaking myself, I put my pleasure pump back in its cage as I looked at the small flakes of writing that was written on the walls.
Unlocking the cubicle door, I then washed my hands, and headed for the door. I took my phone out to check the time,
and then exited out into the hallway and started walking in the direction in which I knew had I left Austin.
I looked up from the phone when I heard a snarky voice say, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory, gay boy."
Looking up I saw this stocky looking boy. He was in the year above me, I think; my first rational thought was not to intervene, looking at the size of him,
all it would take is one smack and he would knock me out.
But rational thought was pushed aside when I started to break into a panicked run towards Austin and pushed the stocky boy who was poking Austin on the chest.
The boy didn't go very far, I didn't push him that hard, but I thought it would have been enough to make him stumble at least.
I knew this was a bad idea, I scolded myself. Austin stood behind me for protection, but I definitely felt I was not a great defensive option.
Looking around for teachers was my first thought, but more than that I was watching him in case he was to throw a punch or swing at me.
"What's your problem?" I asked him; just then he gave me a hard shove to the chest and I fell back toward the lockers. hard with a loud clack.
I had hit Austin partly also, but the impact of the locker behind me was sorer than hitting Austin.
Austin was also against the locker with me. I couldn't bring myself to react. I just froze and couldn't bring myself to say anything.
The large bully that I had never really seen before then leaned forward and whispered to me smugly,
"You're the problem; you got in the way of me and this joke."
He then turned to one of his friends that was behind him and gave a chuckle before standing back up and sarcastically saying,
"Well later, queers, Nash says hello."
Just then he turned to his friends and walked off down the hallway, leaving me and Austin stumped by the interaction.
I felt like I wanted to vent, but I had no time for that. I had frickin class. This must be a joke in all its form; where are all the goddamn teachers?
I guarantee if I had thrown a punch that a teacher would have come by and blamed me for starting it.
Turning to Austin, who was still slumped against the locker, I bent down to pick up his school bag, and handed it to him.
"Do., I asked him what he needed from the locker and proceeded to take out what he needed.
Closing the locker, I turned around and offered to walk him to his next class. By the time I got to my art class, I was a couple of minutes late.
All the thoughts that were running through my head where driving me nuts.
I had done some work, but mostly I was staring into space as everyone else went about their business around me.
I looked at the teacher for a few minutes and decided to message Austin from under the table.
I was worrying about him, and I didn't have time earlier to check if he was okay.
Delivered: "Are you okay"
There was still no reply, but about twenty minutes before the end of class I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and I felt content when I read his message:
Sent: "I'm okay. Are you okay J"
Smiling at the message, I sent back
Delivered: I am good as long as you're okay."
After class I headed back to my locker and tossed my books back into it.
I got a message from Austin that he was getting a lift home from his mom and asked if I wanted to hitch a ride.
I passed on the offer because I had my bike, but more importantly, I still wanted to talk to Ethan.
I wanted to be quick and catch him. Usually he would be coming out of woodwork, and if I was quick enough I would be able to catch him before he got on the bus.
Zipping back up my bag I made a jog to the exit for the pickup area and for the bus.
Just like I thought; I caught him coming out the far exit door as he rushed toward the bus.
I ran up to him and called his name. He looked in my direction in shock but kept walking the direction of the bus.
Coming up next to him, I matched his pace and tried to start what I wanted to say to him in the limited time I had.
"Ethan, I'm sorry about earlier. I'm sorry if I'm acting funny." He didn't say anything and I felt compelled to continue on;
he then side tracked from his regular route and cut across the grass.
"Can we talk about this, please." I begged as he neared the bus stop. He just blinked and panted as he forced himself to walk faster.
I waved my hands to try and get his attention but he wasn't having any of it.
"You're acting like a jerk," I said in defeat.
He glanced at me with a sympathetic stare before he looked forward again. Trying to see through the jumbling thoughts in my head,
I thought about what had happened on Sunday and dared to chance it. "Is this about what happened on Sunday?"
Before I could get another word in, he stopped dead in his tracks and turned to me as quick as I have ever seen him move in all the years I knew him.
I thought he was going to hit me or something, so I took a step back from shock, but then nothing happened.
He looked at me in the eyes, drew in a breath and said "Leave me alone."
He then turned and placed his hand on the door of the bus for support as he climbed up the stairs onto the bus and moved down the aisle inside.
I turned around and started walking back toward the bike rack around the far side of the school,
I could hear the bus engine roar as the bus started to move away from the curb and start driving shortly after.
Arriving back at the bicycle rack, I fished out the key to my bike lock and unlocked. I put the lock back in my school bag and cycled home.
I didn't eat much of my dinner either; and I couldn't focus on the homework that I had.
I ended up resorting to messaging Ethan a couple of times throughout the night. He was opening my messages, but he didn't respond to them.
If he was here right now, I would have yelled what the fuck. But I assumed he was just testing me,
so I decided to try and distract myself by playing some PlayStation to take my mind off things for a bit.
I fished through the multitude of video games I had and went with Fallout 4. While I waited for the Bethesda logo of the vault to come up,
I then clicked on the option `continue game' on the game menu and played about an hour of the game contentedly, freeing up my mind.
I was content to take the stress out on feral ghouls and death claws for the most part,
but then the small notification popped up on the top right of the screen that Blitzboy was online.
It happened to be Ethan's user name, I felt myself pressing the home button to invite him to a party, but then I remembered everything.
The sad feelings and isolation crept in again and all I had was Austin.
I tried chancing the odds and added Ethan to a party, but as soon as I added him, he went off line a couple of minutes later.
I lost my appetite to play anymore Fallout and I just turned the computer off and went to bed early,
to avoid having to think how shitty my life was becoming.
The End Of Part 9
If you've made it this far, thank you for reading.
Please, comments are welcome. Actually needed, lol.
Bibliography; of LGBTQ stories by D.K. Daniels, on Nifty.
Even If We Tried (First Draft) - Gay Male, Young friends
Spring Tide (Unfinished)- Gay Male, Young friends
As They Say (On-going) - Gay Male, Young friends
Our Little Darlings (Stand-Alone Edit)- Gay Male, High School
Ghouls, Goblins & Ghastly Boys (Mini-Series)- Gay Male, Young Friends
Light The Night (Mini-Series) - Gay Male, Young Friends
Who We Are (Stand-Alone Edit) - Gay Male, Young Friends
Bibliography; of LGBTQ stories by D.K. Daniels, on Iomfats
Who We Are (Listed under D.K. Daniels Author)
Bibliography; of LGBTQ stories by D.K. Daniels, On Cornercafe.us
Ghouls, Goblins & Ghastly Boys(Listed under D.K. Daniels Author)
Light The Night (Listed under D.K. Daniels Author)
Who We Are (Listed under D.K. Daniels Author)