Date: Tue, 06 Mar 2001 23:46:15 -0800 From: Brian C Subject: Everything Chapter 2 "Everything" Chapter 2 I slowly got up from Mrs. Vaughn's guest chair and made my way to the front door. Walking suddenly didn't seem like a chore. I felt like I had somewhere to go, I felt like I had something to see. As I opened the door from the classroom a ray of sunshine flooded over my whole body. My arms, my legs, my face, my hair, everything started to feel good. I took a deep breath in and smelled the incredibly fresh air that surrounded me. I could smell the sweet scents of the flowers, grass, and even the sunshine. It was such a beautiful day outside. As the sun shone down on me and the flowers sent they're pleasant scent through the air, thousands of thoughts filled my head. But they weren't a thousand thoughts about different things; they were all about Andrew. He was all and everything I could think about. All that I could have seen right then and all that I could have heard wouldn't matter unless it was about him. Every single cell in my brain was filled with the image of his eyes, and marked on with his name. "Hi Gavin," someone from my left said to me. I turned around to find my eyes meet Brianne. Her eyes sparkled when they met mine and I couldn't help but notice how pretty she looked today. "Hi Brianne, how are you?" I responded quite chipper. "Great!" she said, "You sound like you are in a good mood today." "I suppose," I said. Suddenly it hit me like a ton of cheddar cheese. I was in a good mood. I can't remember the last time I was ever in a good mood. I couldn't possible describe what it was like to be in a good mood a couple hours ago and now I was walking around school as if I didn't even have a care in the world. For once in my life I had something in my mind, something that could occupy all of that empty space that used to fill my skull. But I still had no idea why it was Andrew. He was doing something to me, and I began to wonder if he was doing it on purpose, or even knew. Brianne and I had a little chitchat about this and that and about how the beginning of school was going. I guessed that the responses to her questions were the usual good and so forth but I didn't know what I was saying. I was looking everywhere I could to see where Andrew was. My head was constantly on a swivel, glancing from lunch table to lunch table to see where he could possibly be, but he was absolutely nowhere to be found. Then as soon as I had realized that I was in a good mood I went into melancholy. Suddenly the grass was no longer so green, the flowers weren't so sweet, and the sun was burning me instead of warming. "Is something wrong, Gavin?" Brianne said waking me from my trance. "Ya, ummmmm, I'm fine. I have to go to my next class." I said. She looked at me very strangely for a second but then just shook her head like she was dismissing something stupid she heard. "Ok, see you later. Have a nice day." With that I simply walked away from Brianne without saying anything else and headed toward my next class. As I walked down the concrete pathway my feet seemed to barely drag along, and my backpack weighed me down like a ton of bricks. I didn't want to go to my next class; English was the worst. When I opened the door to my English room, I noticed that there was nobody there yet so I decided to go in, sit at my table, and just keep my head down till the rest of the class arrived. As I sat down I noticed that on the table laid a single sheet of paper and a pen laying on it. I stared at it for a second and then suddenly had the urge to write something. Butterflies, please go away Flap flap flap All night and all day Butterflies, leave me alone You're not meant to be here Go back to your home Butterflies, why are you here? Something isn't right Nothing is clear. Butterflies, you still won't leave I can't escape you Someone help please Butterflies, why to me? "Gavin Weiss," someone said, "Gavin Weiss!" As I wrote my last sentence someone poked me in the ribs and I looked up to see Mr. Shah looking at me with his role sheet in his hand with an almost disappointed look on his face. "Here," I said softly. "Excuse me?" he said back almost snickering at me. "I said HERE!" I practically screamed. All the sudden everyone in the class turned around to look at me and I heard a couple of kids laugh. As all their eyes bared down on me I felt embarrassed and cold; they were nothing like Andrew's eyes. Mr. Shah looked extremely surprised at first but then simply dismissed it and continued checking the remainder of the list. I went back down to my paper to complete my writing. But when I put my pen to the sheet, I couldn't think of anything to write. I was mad; I was mad at Mr. Shah; I hated Mr. Shah. The rest of class went by in fast parts and slow parts. We watched an extremely long and boring movie version of Little House on the Prairie. We read the book in sixth grade but Mr. Shah decided that we should read it again two years later. I assumed because he was lazy. Towards the end of class Mr. Shah passed out a piece of paper to the entire class that was supposed to be information for the very first project we were going to do for the year. "Ok everyone," Mr. Shah said, "this project is going to entail two parts. First, you will find a song that you like and analyze its lyrical meaning and any underlined symbolism in the music. Then you will write the lyrics to a song of your own creation and go through the same process. Any questions?" As the other kids in the class started raising their hands and asking questions, I began to think about how I was going to do this project. Sure, I liked music and all, but I never have been able to identify with any lyrics that I've heard. I've only listened to music because I liked the sound of it. "Do you get it Gavin?" Mr. Shah suddenly said condescendingly. What an asshole. I wanted to get right up from my seat and go kick him square in the nuts, but instead I merely gave him a squinted eyed gaze of disgust. I knew he wanted to say something more to me; I knew he wanted to start yelling and cussing at me right then, I saw it in his eyes; they were nothing like Andrew's eyes. Five minutes later the bell rang for lunch and I got out of my seat to go outside quicker than a jackrabbit to mating season. When I got out of the door I noticed that there was a patch of clouds covering the sun but beyond that there was nothing but clear sky. I walked down the concrete pathway towards the lunch tables and started thinking about whether I wanted to eat lunch or not. I had one of those feelings in my stomach where you don't know if you're hungry or full. As I walked further and further towards where the cafeteria was I noticed that Andrew was waiting in line. I kept walking forward and was able to look at him without even having to tilt my head an inch. He stood there with his head down, looking like he was staring into the ground. I wondered why he was doing that; like I do a lot of times. Was he sad about something? As I got closer to where he was standing in line I realized what he was doing. In his hand was Discman and he was changing the batteries. From the Discman led two long black wires that attached to two little ear buds that fit perfectly in his ears. I wanted to listen to what he was listening to. Then, when I was about maybe 15 yards away from him, he turned towards me and our eyes met for the fourth time. My stomach instantly dropped to the ground and my heart started thumping. He looked at me for maybe two seconds than casually looked back toward the front of the line and stood completely still. I contemplated whether I was going to wait in line for food or not but I decided not to so I could go lay on the grass out near the soccer fields; I wasn't really hungry either. I guess secretly I didn't want to have to deal with the feelings that Andrew was giving me. When I got to the grassy area I laid my backpack down on the ground and lay down so that my head could use the backpack like a pillow. It wasn't very comfortable but it would manage. I stared up into the sky and noticed that a patch of clouds was still covering the sun. I stared into the dark gray cloud for a while and then slowly dozed off. I opened my eyes to find that the sun was now out and brighter than ever. It shined all of its rays down on me warming up every single part of my body. I looked into the sky to see a couple of perfectly white puffy clouds surrounding the sun but not touching it. I then looked to my left and right and saw tons upon tons of daisies, roses, poppies, and other flowers blooming right before my eyes. It was beautiful. I slowly sat up to so see if maybe I could see anything else that was worth seeing. Then, in front of me sitting on the steps going to the locker room, sat Andrew. He looked at me for a little while then a bright smile came across his face. All I could do was smile back; his smile was contagious. Then he got up from his seat on the steps and walked towards me. I started to get a little nervous but I was still at total peace. When he got right up to me he touched his finger to my forehead and my upper body fell back down to the ground where I was laying again. I tried to get up but I couldn't; he had me feeling completely weak. Then Andrew stood over me and stared down into my eyes. My heart instantly jumped into my throat again. He then slowly lowered himself down to where he was sitting on my stomach and his face got even closer to mine to the point where our noses almost touched. He closed his eyes, tilted his head, and touched his lips to mine. A wave of energy shot through my entire body. He then slightly opened his mouth and touched his tongue to my lips. I couldn't help but do the same. I felt his sweet lips touch my tongue as I savored his wonderful taste. It was the best feeling I ever had. "Excuse me young man; EXCUSE ME!" "Huh? What? What is it?" I said almost angrily. "You better wake up I believe you are late for class," said the man. Suddenly I shot back to reality. The sun was again blocked by the dark gray clouds and there was nothing but dead grass surrounding me. My smile quickly disappeared and I almost felt like crying. I slowly got up to go to class but I didn't really want to. School seemed less important now than it ever did in my whole life; I decided to walk home. I lived about a mile away from the school so I didn't really mind walking home. I made my way to the back of the soccer field and went through a hole in the chain linked fence that only a couple of kids in school really knew about. Past the fence laid a long downhill path that was covered in dirt and shrubs. I walked along kicking up the dust in the path and smashing every shrub I could find. The direct route home led me to the main road; but I stayed on the nature path so that no one I knew would see me ditching school. When I reached my house I suddenly thought that this idea wasn't so good. In the driveway was my dad's cherished car; a 1960 something Mustang. It was his pride and joy. He kept it in perfect condition all of the time and never let so much as another person touch it. I opened the front door and walked in. To my left sat my dad in his leather chair watching something on TV. "Hello Father," I said. He turned around in his chair, looked at me for a moment; and then went back to watching his program. He didn't say a word. I walked into the kitchen to see if there was anything that I wanted to eat but nothing caught my eye. All we had was meat and cereal. I was a vegetarian and I was sick of cereal. I walked back into the living room where my dad was to see if I wanted to watch what he was watching. As I walked in the program he was watching cut to a commercial break. The first commercial started and I began to get an uneasy feeling. On the screen wsd a man and a woman and they were just looking at each other; then suddenly they kissed. Next came two women, and they did the same. Then came on two men, they did the same thing also but I heard something in the background as it was happening. "What a bunch of fucking faggots," my father blurted out. The words ringed in my ears. They were repeated over and over and over again in my mind. I walked down the hall to my room and locked the door. My bed was still messy from the morning so I just climbed into it and got under the covers. I laid there for what seemed like hours. Thousands of thoughts were running through my head but I couldn't describe a single one of them. The day, my father, Andrew, my entire life: they were all running through my head. And then, something became clear to me, it was crystal clear. I got out from under the covers in my bed and walked over to my desk. I got out the piece of paper I wrote on in English class and read it out loud to myself. "Butterflies, please go away Flap flap flap All night and all day Butterflies, leave me alone You're not meant to be here Go back to your home Butterflies, why are you here? Something isn't right Nothing is clear. Butterflies, you still won't leave I can't escape you Someone help please Butterflies, why to me?" Then I got out a pen and began to write. Butterflies, why to me? Look at myself My conscience is clean Butterflies, what's your intent? Should I stay afar Leave my heart in a tent? Butterflies, now you stay Flap flap flap Still all night and day Butterflies, I feel alone But you're here for sure You've made me home Butterflies, now that you're here Something isn't right But it all seems so clear. All that I've seen All that I've felt All that I've touched All that I've smelled All that I've wrote All that I've read All that I've cried for All that's been said All that I've done All that I'll do Is all changed now Because of You, Andrew