Date: Mon, 12 Jun 2000 17:30:07 -0600 From: Dewey Subject: For the Love of Pete 15 This story is a work of erotic fiction involving teenage boys partially based on real people and events. Names have been changed to protect the guilty as well as the innocent. All the usual rules apply. If you shouldn't be reading this now, then don't continue on. Copyright Notice - Copyright Copyright May 2000 by Dewey. This story is copyrighted by the author and the author retains all rights. For the Love of Pete Chapter Fifteen For the Love of Brian, Part Six The whole weekend might as well have not happened. I was so keyed up that I couldn't concentrate on anything other than the court case on Monday. Both Ray and Jason tried to distract me Saturday afternoon by playing football in the park down the street, but at best, I only made a half-hearted effort. As they saw I wasn't really with them, we sat on a bench off to the side of the field. "Hey Pete, you doing okay? You're not yourself." Ray was always straight to the point, never mincing words. "I'm doing okay. I'm worried about Monday. I have to face her again. There isn't a choice, either." "You don't have to be scared. Dad and Van will protect you, and if Jason and I can go, we will too." I smiled at his enthusiasm. "He's right, bro," Jason added. "I'm not afraid of her, but I don't want to subject myself to her hate either. I appreciate that you two want to protect me, but I have to do this, and I need to do it on my own. I have to prove to myself that I can stand up to her, and Curt, if he shows up. Don't worry. I'll be fine." Jason's expression told me he didn't like it, but he nodded anyway. "Yeah right. Us not worry about our brother as he goes to court? Fat chance. I'm gonna camp outside the door and peek in the crack. If that guy so much as twitches, I'll sit on him!" Laughter erupted from Jason and me, amused by Ray's overwhelming urge to watch out for me. Still giggling, I said, "I don't think you have to do that, Ray. Really! Everything will be fine." "Well, if something does happen, I'm never gonna let you out of my sight again. And I'm never gonna let you live it down." "Hey guys," Jason started, "we need to get back and shower before dinner. We're already cutting it close. "Yeah," I replied, watching Ray for his reaction as I said, "let's run back. I want to stretch my legs." "Aw, you guys know I hate running!" Jason and I took off, leaving Ray in the dust. He started running after us calling, "Hey wait for me!" We slowed long enough for him to catch up to us, and then sprinted ahead again. "You guys! I can't keep up with you!" Again we slowed and allowed him to come even with us, only to pull away from Ray again. "Fuck!" Jason and I giggled, keeping up the pace we were on now. About a block from the house, I put on a burst of speed, catching Jason by surprise. It took only a split second for him to accelerate to match my speed, but it was all I needed to beat him to the house. We both stopped in a hurry to avoid crashing into the door, but Jason let his momentum carry him into me, trapping me against it. He put me in a headlock and spun me around, pulling me into the lawn. Once there, he put his leg behind mine and took me down, landing on top of me. I was laughing so hard I couldn't defend myself. "Is that the only way you can win, twerp? Huh?" He gave me a noogie, rubbing his knuckles in my hair. I laughed harder and tried to squirm my way free. I managed to get out from under him, but he still held my head. "Try that again when I'm ready for you, and you'll see a different finish." I tried to escape, but he held me fast. My voice was muffled by his arm. "Yeah, I'll see you staring after me wondering what happened!" "Oh you- Now you're going to get it!" He released me, spinning around and grabbing me about the waist from the rear. He tried to heave me over onto my back, but I flattened and blocked him. "DOG PILE!" Ray's voice was loud as he approached Jason and I laying prone on the ground. Thankfully he didn't jump into the air and land on us, instead he drove his shoulder into our sides, knocking the wind out of us. Taking the opportunity, I escaped from Jason's hold and reversed it. Joanne came outside and started cheering us on. "Get his pits! He's ticklish!" Suiting words to action, Ray held Jason's arm out and tickled him. Jason's reaction was immediate. He was laughing so hard he couldn't speak to tell Ray to stop. So naturally I grabbed his other arm before it escaped me and got him from the other side. Now Jason was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. "Um, children?" Sharon had come out to see what all the ruckus was about and found three frisky teens rolling around in the grass. Ray and I released Jason so he could recover his breath. Joanne looked disappointed. She wanted to beat up on her big brother, too. Glancing at each other, we replied in chorus, "Yes, mommy?" and the three of us promptly cracked up into near hysterics. With an evil grin, she shouted over our laughter. "Don't let me stop you from playing, kids. I just wanted to tell you dinner is going to be ready soon, and you're not coming to my table like that. Oh, and I'm locking all the doors in five minutes. It's your choice. Come along, baby." Sharon took Joanne's hand and went into the house. Before she could close the door, I jumped up and bolted for the house, laughter pealing behind me. I ran straight up the stairs to the bathroom, where I stripped down to my shorts. Looking in the mirror, I cleaned up the worst of the grime and grass stains, and then washed my face. As I finished up, I could hear footsteps pounding up the stairs, and then coming toward the bathroom. Ray hammered on the door. "Get out! You've had enough time in there. I need to clean up too!" "Hold your horses! You could always use the utility sink in the garage!" "Screw you!" I chuckled and opened the door, letting him in. As he entered, he did a double take when he saw I was practically naked. "Man, if you weren't my brother, I'd jump you right now, and to hell with dinner. Your bod is sweet!" "Thanks, Ray." I smiled at him as I went to my room. I could feel his eyes on me the whole way, too. I put on a pair of jeans and a reasonably clean shirt, put on some deodorant just in case, and made my way downstairs to the kitchen. I overheard Kevin on the phone, obviously talking to Van. His words froze me in my tracks. "No, I'm not the least bit worried about him. He doesn't really affect our case unless they try the environmental influences angle." A pause, then, "They were twelve and thirteen. Most people don't think that a thirteen year old has the capacity to make that kind of life altering decision, much less at twelve." Another pause, and Kevin sighed. "No, he doesn't know he's here or that he'll be in court. Yes, I'm sure. Hey, he'll be down any second now. I'll call you back after dinner. Talk to you then. Bye." There was only one person they could be talking about. Brian was here in Portland, and was going to be in court Monday. Without thought, I walked into the kitchen before Kevin could even hang up the phone. With no prelude, I asked him straight out. "Why are you hiding Brian from me?" I was still in shock, so the question came out calmly instead of emotionally. Kevin and Sharon looked at one another, then at me. They knew I had overheard him on the phone, so there was no use denying it. "What makes you think he's here?" "Come on! I'm not stupid!" "Joanne, please go tell Ray dinner is ready." "Aw, I wanted to hear the fight!" "Go." Pouting, she did as directed. Kevin waited until she was out of the room to continue. "Okay. Stupid question. I'll tell you the truth, then." Kevin sat as Sharon placed the final dishes on the table. Jason walked into the kitchen, and I could see his radar go up immediately as he felt the tension in the air. "We were keeping you isolated from him because we didn't want it to affect your concentration for Monday. It's that simple. And that is the only factor. We wouldn't keep you from him if we didn't have a good reason. Trust me on that one." Jason sat down next to me like he was sitting on eggs. He was really uncomfortable. I took in Kevin's explanation, trying to think of ways to shoot it down, but in the end, I knew he was right, even if it did tear my heart out. "I'm not going to be able to see him." "You'll see him in court Monday morning. You won't really be able to talk to him until after court, though. I would prefer it that way, so you can devote your attention to what's being said." Sighing deeply, I lowered my eyes to my lap. "If you think it's necessary. Will I get to spend any time with him?" Ray and Joanne chose this moment to walk in, trying to figure out the conversation as they sat in their customary places. "With who?" "The rest of the week. Ray will get your homework for you to make up. You'll have the car to run around in, if you promise to be careful. You two can sleep here if you want. Just be discrete is all we ask." Kevin grinned. "And if things get serious, take it to your room and turn on the stereo." "Who is staying the week?" Ray was getting impatient. "I don't know if they will, but thanks. He's really going to be here the whole week?" "He is, kiddo. But you'll have time to dream about him later. I want you to stay focused for now. Remember about the grilling that Van gave you. I can't lie. It may be worse in court." "I know, but I'm not worried about it. I've gone through worse things and survived." "Yes, you have. Just keep that in your mind." "I will." "Dammit, who is going to be here?" "Raymond!" Kevin and Sharon both frowned at him, but he was unfazed. Joanne giggled sweetly. "I had to get your attention somehow! Who is coming?" I answered him with a sigh, my voice resigned. "Brian. He'll be at court on Monday and stay here the rest of the week." Ray was clearly confused by my tone. "And isn't that good news?" "Yeah it is, but I can't talk to him until Monday night. I have to concentrate on the case." "Well, that sucks. But you still get to see him." "Yeah, I do. It's just the waiting. It's been two years and seven months since I saw him last. I guess a few more days won't hurt. But knowing he's so close and I can't see him...." Jason patted me on the back in commiseration, as did Ray. Both Kevin and Sharon smiled sadly. "Are we gonna eat, or are we going to sit here and cry?" Ray was at it again, breaking the tension. I loved that quality in him. Dinner then took front stage as we piled Sharon's cooking high on our plates. The 'rents looked on with amused tolerance as we consumed everything within reach that was remotely edible. "All my dishes had better be here when you guys are done with your frenzy." Ray and I looked up at her, a guilty expression on our faces. It was all she could take. Laughing as she got up from the table, Sharon left for the bathroom to recover. Jason was laughing, as was Kevin. "What's so funny? I missed it!" Joanne was about to have a fit because she didn't understand what had happened. Kevin changed the subject to her sleepover with a friend of hers, and she took the bait. Christy's parents would pick her up about seven. What remained of the meal was punctuated by the occasional stifled giggle. We did finish eventually, and there was nothing left but bare serving dishes. And yes, we did account for every one of them. Cleaning up was a breeze with we three boys working together. We finished in record time. "Hey, you guys want to go out for a movie?" Jason was more excited than usual, so I knew something must be up. "Sure!" Ray took Jason up on the offer immediately. I didn't answer immediately, just looking Jason in the eyes. We were the same height now, but he still outweighed me by a good thirty pounds. His eyes stared back. I was unable to read him. "C'mon Pete! It'll be fun!" Still looking Jason in the eyes, I said, "Okay, I'll go." "Cool. I'll get my wallet." Ray beat feet for his room. "Why?" Jason's eyes were becoming intense, almost challenging. "Because I think you need it, that's why." "You playing daddy?" He grinned. "Yeah, kinda. I though you were going to try and get out of going. I would have had to tie you up, then." He giggled. I smiled back. "Okay, daddy. I'll go along. Just leave the ropes home. I'll be good. I promise!" "Yeah right. Like I'm gonna believe that!" "I have to get my wallet too." "Hurry up. We don't want to be late!" The theater was packed. It was Saturday night after all. Jason and I spoofed on Ray the whole way to the theater, really getting him riled up. By the time we parked, we were all laughing so hard that Jason could barely see to drive. We climbed out of the car, and Ray tripped on the seatbelt, almost falling. This sent us into another round of hysterics. Ray and I play boxed for a few seconds, then I threw my arm around his shoulders as we walked to the box office, still poking fun at each other. "Hey Don, look at the fags!" Immediately Jason said "Ignore them." We quietly continued to walk up toward the theater, about 75 yards away or so, not even turning around. "Hey fagots, they don't show queer films here." "Yeah, you need to go into the city to find those," a second menacing voice said. "Obviously you're in the wrong part of town." They were getting closer, only a few steps behind us. I was getting nervous and pissed off at the same time. I felt Ray stiffen every time they spoke. Jason was getting upset too. "We're talking to you, you fucking homos!" I felt a hand fall on my shoulder. Quickly whipping around, I stood ready to do battle. Jason and Ray followed my example. We all smelled the stench of alcohol. There were four of them, not the two we had heard. They all looked like street toughs in their late teens, the kind that hate anything different than they are, and confident that nothing can stand in their way. One carried a knife, testing it's edge as he eyed us. All four stood expectantly, waiting for me to swing. Instead I straightened from my crouch and shrugged my shirt back into place and turned around. "Come on, bros. Let's go. It's not worth getting into a fight over." Jason and Ray backed up a few steps before turning around to follow me. "Not just fags, but cowards to boot. You're not walking away from this one you queers." Then they charged us, and the fight was on. ***** The fight only lasted a few minutes. Fortunately for us, a patrol car with two cops passed the parking lot about a minute after we were attacked. They had broken it up and easily determined that we were the victims. The police arrested our assailants on several charges: Minor in Possession, Drunk and Disorderly, Assault and Battery, and for the guy that had the knife, Assault with a Deadly Weapon. The cops let us go, giving us the report number and a card with phone numbers. If we pressed charges, we would have to testify at the trial. We had to call back tomorrow morning with our decision. "Turn your head to the light please." I winced as the paramedic cleaned the cut above my right eye. Ray and Jason were getting their wounds treated also. None of us had been hurt seriously besides a couple of cuts and some bruises. They all had been drunk, and that is the only reason we didn't get seriously hurt. The guy with the knife was so drunk that he couldn't hold onto it. Jason had kicked it out of his hand. The worst injury we really had was to our confidence. We had been singled out as gay, and then attacked. Whether or not we did anything to give the impression we were in fact gay was irrelevant. Jason stuck up for us because he was our brother. I had no idea how he felt about being attacked. He wore a pensive expression. Ray was angry. I was scared. "Any of you feeling dizzy or light headed? Get up and walk around for a minute or two. Let us know if you do feel dizzy." Still checking us out, the paramedics wouldn't let us go until Kevin and Sharon got there. They had to release us to a family member over 18. Finally satisfied that we were fine, the paramedics packed up their bags and waited with us for Kevin and Sharon to arrive. The three of us huddled in a tight group, talking about what had happened, trying to sort out what we felt and what it meant to each of us. "What do we tell mom and dad?" "The truth, Ray. We didn't do anything wrong." "I should have known better than to put my arm around you like that in public. It's my fault." Jason squashed that quickly. "That's bullshit and you know it, Pete. You weren't doing anything that I wouldn't have done in your place. You were having a good time and feeling close to Ray, like a really good friend. Is there anything remotely gay about that?" "Yeah, there is, because we're gay!" "So what you're telling me is straight guys can display affection in public and gay guys can't do the exact same thing? Do you know just how ridiculous that sounds?" "Ridiculous or not, we just saw the proof." "No, what you saw were four drunken idiots out looking for a fight. They just happened to find us." He sighed. "Look Pete. You know I watch out for you, right? Believe me, if I thought you were doing something to compromise yourself or Ray, I would have said something. You two were doing nothing that a pair of good straight friends having a good time wouldn't have done. Will you have to be careful? Yes. But at the same time, you can't let fear rule your life. It is okay to hug a friend, or wrap an arm around the shoulders. I see it all the time at school. You do too. It's not the touching that sends the signals. It's how you touch, and how long." "I get the idea, daddy." A small smile spread across my face. We all chuckled at that. "I swear I'm going to kill the next person who calls me a fag." Ray was agitated and still fuming over the fight. "If you do that, Ray, then you're no better than all the gay bashers. Let's say that you do thrash someone who calls you a fag. What happens next? One of his friends is gonna hunt you down because you thrashed him. Then you have two or more people to fight instead of one ignorant bigot. You can only deal with so much, Ray. We can't be with you all the time to help you fight. No. The best way to go is to try and ignore it, or talk your way out of it." "And if I can't talk my way out of it?" Jason shrugged. "Sometimes you'll have no alternative. But make sure it is your last alternative." The van pulled up next to us. We could see Sharon's worried look through the window. Kevin had opened his door before the van came to a full stop, and quickly made his way over to us. "Here we go. I hope they don't grill us," I said, "I really don't want to talk about it." Kevin halted about three steps away, taking in our battle wounds. We each had at least two bandages showing somewhere. "I hope they wear worse," he said with a grin. Then his face went serious. "What happened?" Jason answered before Ray or I could. "We got out of the car. Pete and Ray had their arms around each other because they were joking around and having a good time. We were confronted by a group of four drunk guys that started calling Ray and Pete 'fags' and 'homos'. One went so far as to put a hand on Pete's shoulder, and we turned to defend ourselves. Pete said it wasn't worth it to fight them. We tried to go into the theater, but they attacked us." Jason shrugged unconcernedly. "We defended ourselves." "That's it? Are any of you really hurt?" "No. Just a few cuts and bruises." "Wait here. I'll be back in a second." He went over to the paramedics, getting a report from them too, no doubt. Ray whispered earnestly, "You didn't tell him about the knife!" "It doesn't matter, Ray. We weren't hurt by it, and they didn't get a chance to use it. Let's not scare the 'rents any more that they already are." Sharon, still waiting in the car, watched us closely. We had our heads close together, talking softly. As Kevin came back we separated, making her even more suspicious. Kevin didn't look pleased either. He looked Jason in the eyes for a hard moment, then me. I don't know what he saw, but he nodded anyway. "Let's go home boys. Jason, are you okay to drive?" "Sure, no problem, dad. I didn't get hit in the head." "Okay. You boys follow us home. Ray, the paramedics said that you may have a concussion, so I want you to come with us. We'll take you to the doctor tomorrow to make sure you are okay." He followed Kevin meekly to the van without a complaint. Jason and I walked over the car. Before unlocking it, he leaned over the roof and looked me in the eyes. "Dad knows about the knife." "How do you know?" "That look he gave us. He knows." Jason unlocked the doors and we got in. He started the car, put it into gear, and pulled out of the lot. "Do you think he'll make an issue of it?" "Not within earshot of mom. She was already freaked out." "Yeah, I saw. Fuck!" That was followed by quite a stream of curses and epithets. Very rarely did I swear, but when I did, it was for a reason. "Whoa, dude. You okay?" "Yeah. Why did this have to happen now? I have to much to deal with as it is. The last thing I need is a reminder of my bitch mom and bastard dad. Those fucking bastards!" I ranted on the whole way home. Jason remained quiet, saying nothing. By the time we pulled into the driveway, I had wound down. "You feel better now?" "Not really, but I'm calmer than I was. Sorry." "Don't be! You had to get that out of your system, and I actually learned a few new curses." He grinned. "Let's get inside before everyone has a heart attack." We walked to the door, which opened before us. Ray stood there, his face white. I could hear Sharon and Kevin arguing upstairs in their room. As we came in, Jason asked, "The knife?" "I don't know. They went straight up there after we got home. It's been about five minutes now." "Jason?" "Let's just watch TV. They'll come down when they're ready." We sat in the living room and scanned for something to watch. We finally settled on something none of us really watched. As the show went on, we occasionally heard Sharon and Kevin upstairs. Jason turned up the volume, more to mask their arguing rather than because they were too loud. One show ended and the other began. I saw Kevin leave his bedroom for the office and return with a pad of paper and a pen. We didn't see either of them again until the news came on that night. Both looked tired and worn, their eyes red and puffy from crying. They were holding hands, and they each wore an anxious expression. Jason turned off the TV as they sat in the loveseat near the door. Sharon spoke first. "I'm sure you boys heard the argument we had. We are both very frightened for you. This is the first time that this kind of thing has happened to any of our kids, and it scares us. Any one of you could have been killed tonight. Yes, I know about the knife. And I also understand why you didn't tell your dad, but this isn't the time to be brave or protect us. This is... beyond anything we have had to deal with before. Jeff's suicide doesn't even compare. Sure we grieved, but that was all we could do. Now that we see the threat of violence is real, close to home, I- we feel that we must do something to protect you somehow." Kevin continued, "Jason, we are including you in this conversation for the very reason you were involved in the fight. You guys know about how bad it can be out there for gay kids. You see and hear it every day at school, or on the news. Our first instinct says to keep you under lock and key, but that, of course, isn't practical, or fair to you. So what can we do to protect you?" He sighed heavily and sunk back into the loveseat. "We don't know. We've tried to come up with something, from curfews to making you run around in pairs or threes, and we dismissed each idea we came up with. I don't think there are any measures we can take to make you truly safe. We can't be with you every minute." Jason and I traded looks. They were seriously concerned. Maybe even more so than I was. "So, here is what we're going to do. We'll try to teach you about how to get out of situations like this one tonight, and try to help you become more aware of your surroundings, so you may be able to avoid the situations all together." Sharon's voice was tired, and resigned as she spoke. "And that's about all we can do. You have to be able to live your lives and not be held back by us. I hope what happened tonight scared you a little, and I equally hope that it didn't scare you so much you are afraid to go out at all. You kids know I and your father are here if you want to talk." "Thanks, mom, but I think we are okay. A little worse for wear, but okay." "Thanks Jason, but I want to hear that from each of you. Ray?" "I'm fine. More pissed than anything." "Please don't swear Ray. You know how I feel about that. Pete?" "I'll be fine. I'm just a bit shaken up is all.." Her gaze met mine, and I immediately felt like I was under attack, but she just nodded. "All right then. Remember we're here." And that ended the family pow wow. We made our way upstairs toward our bedrooms. I turned to Ray and gave him a big hug. "Thanks for being there with me, Ray. It means a lot to me." He smiled and replied, "Well, you were there just as much for me as I was for you." He released me and I turned to embrace Jason. "You too, bro. You didn't have to do what you did, you know." He pushed me out to arms length. "The hell I didn't! What kind of big brother would I be if I didn't stick up for my kid brothers?" "But they thought you were...." "Gay. I know. I don't care what they thought. Why do you?" "I don't care about me, but I don't want you to get hurt because of me." "Pete, you are my brother. You are Ray's brother, and Joanne's brother. You are mom and dad's son. We are family. We stick together. If one of us gets hurt, the family gets hurt. Do you understand?" "I guess. It's still hard to remember sometimes." "It's okay. We'll just keep reminding you until you can't forget." He pulled me into his embrace once more for a good squeeze, and let me go. "Sleep well, bro." "You too, bro" "You too, bros." Ray giggled. "G'night, Ray." Jason and I responded at the same time, and drifted into our own bedrooms. I hardly slept that night. Between Brian, court, and the fight, I had too much on my mind. I did drift off once, but the nightmare I had woke me screaming in a cold sweat. Jason, Ray, and I were in the parking lot at the theater once more, but instead of four attackers, they were uncountable, all carrying knives. We had no choice but to fight, and the battle didn't take long. The last thing that happened before I awoke was watching Jason and Ray fall under the pile of bashers as I felt a knife against my throat. Five seconds later, everyone was in my room, asking what happened. I took a few moments to calm my breathing before I answered. "I'm okay. It was just a bad dream." None of them looked convinced. "Really, I'm fine. Go back to bed." Ray and Jason retreated out of my room, but Kevin and Sharon stayed. She turned on my table lamp and sat on the bed, facing me. "What was your dream about?" Kevin had that intense gaze I hated so much. It compelled me to talk when I didn't want to. I tried to resist, but it was pointless. Dropping my eyes, I sighed. "The fight." Sharon's expression changed from concern to... I don't know. I guess you could call it her Shrink Face. She used it a lot now when I talked to her about what was bothering me. Sharon was becoming very adept at separating her mothering instincts and her professional side, which let our relationship grow. "What about the fight. You woke us screaming Jason's name. What happened to him in your dream?" I considered telling her I couldn't remember, but the image was blazoned into my mind. "He died. So did Ray. I think I did too, but I woke up." Kevin pulled up my desk chair and sat. "How did it happen?" He had a curious air about him. Taking a deep breath, I told them all the details I could recall. "The last thing that I remember was feeling a knife against my throat." They were silent for a minute, then both stood. Kevin replaced the chair at my desk. "Let me get you something to help you sleep." Sharon left toward their bedroom. Kevin looked sad. He was trying to find a way to help me. I knew he was, and that comforted me more than anything at that moment. Sharon returned with a sleeping pill and a glass of water. "Take this. It will help you sleep peacefully." I took the pill and water from her. I hated to deceive them, but I couldn't take the pill. I really didn't want to go back to sleep. I palmed the pill and faked taking it. Sharon nodded once and took the glass from me. "Try not to worry about the fight. It's over now, and you are safe. Sleep well, hon." She ushered Kevin out of my room and shut the door. I opened my hand and stared at the pill. I hadn't ever taken a pill to help me sleep. Nightmares happened, and usually I could find sleep again, but this one frightened me more than I would admit to anyone, even myself. The primary thought going through my mind immediately after I woke was, "This is my future. This is what is in store for me." I knew that gay people were targets for the ignorant and intolerant. Everybody knew that. Tonight, it was proven a stark, cold, terrifying reality. I spent the rest of the night making myself paranoid. Between imagining my family being slaughtered and Brian murdered, I worked myself into a fine panic by the time dawn rolled around. I wasn't very sure that I would even want to go out again for fear something like that would occur. About six Sunday morning, I came to the conclusion I was driving myself insane. It was ridiculous to allow my life to be dictated by remote possibilities. They were real possibilities, but the likely hood of anything actually happening? Not very good. Trying to turn my unhealthy panic into a healthy awareness was very difficult for me, but I had done so by the time I emerged from my cave around nine. The family had another discussion about what happened that night, our fear, precautions, what action to take if confronted again, those kinds of topics. By the time we had settled everything, more or less, and eaten breakfast, it was near noon. Jason suggested returning to the theater and watching the movie we were going to see when we got jumped. Ray, of course, was all for going. I had to think for a moment and gather my resolve. If I didn't face my fear now, when? I agreed to tag along. The remainder of the day was peaceful. Going back to the theater, I was surprised I had no reaction to being there. After the movie, we went to the Beaverton Mall and window shopped. Ray was not shopping for clothes, though. Instead he was watching all the cute boys walking around, practically drooling. Jason and I found great amusement in teasing him has his head swiveled left and right, trying not to miss anything, or anyone. We were there for about two hours. Five o'clock rolled around, time to head for home. Ray was so animated as we drove, chattering incessantly about all the cute guys he had seen. Jason kept goofing on his reaction to them, telling him he would tell the story at dinner. Their conversation degenerated into good natured threats from there. Neither of them noticed that I had gone silent, lost in thought once more. It wasn't the fight concerning me now, rather it was going to court tomorrow morning, and seeing Brian again. Court really didn't worry me too much, because mom had said and done things to me that made anything else she did irrelevant. She couldn't hurt me any longer. Brian, on the other hand, could destroy me. If he rejected me, I had been living in false hope for the past three years. I loved him, and always would. I loved him enough to set him free, if that is what he wanted. The only thing I could do is wait and see. If he rejected me, I would smile and wish him all the happiness in the world. I would be strong and hide my pain from him until I could be alone. Only then would that pain and anguish emerge. Living without him, or without the hope of having him in my life, would be terrible. I think the only thing keeping me going those three years was the hope I harbored for us to be together again. If I didn't have that hope... I wouldn't be me any longer. I may not even be alive. Quickly I stopped that line of thought. If he didn't want me, then he didn't want me. I would move on. Worse things had happened to me in my short life to make losing a boyfriend anything unusual. Painful? Yes, but not unusual. Then again, Brian was different. "Wake up, Dude!" Looking around, I saw we were in the driveway. Another trip home lost. That happened far too often for my liking. "Thanks. I guess I was kind of zoning out." Ray piped up, "We're used to it. Now you gonna let me out, or do I have to climb over you?" I let him out, but not without a swift slap to the back of his head just for the heck of it. Of course Ray tried to return it, which lead us to the lawn again. Jason played referee as we tried to take each other down, but Kevin came out and spoiled our fun. "Dinner's ready boys. Let's go." After pouting at him a bit, we dutifully followed him to the kitchen. Sharon already had food on the table by the time we sat down. Joanne wasn't yet home from her sleepover, so she must have been eating dinner there. Jason did indeed share the days events with mom and dad, who started laughing as he described one instance where Ray walked straight into a bench because he was distracted. Ray took it all in good humor, even goofing on himself occasionally. I tried to stay involved in the dinner conversation, but I found it difficult. I also found myself suddenly exhausted. "Excuse me, but I'm dead tired. I think I'm going to head to bed. I don't want to be tired tomorrow." I stood, placed my dishes in the dishwasher. "Good night." "Good night, hon." "Sleep well, Pete." "G'night, bro." "Good night, son." I smiled at them all as I left the kitchen, feeling content. I still don't know why it took me so long to accept their love. But that night, I felt closer to them than I ever had before. I slept soundly that night, remembering no dreams I may have had. A knock at the door woke me. Kevin's voice came through the door. "Pete, it's time for us to get up and moving. We have to be in the city by seven." I glanced at my alarm clock. It read four-thirty. Groaning, I said, "I'm up." "Okay. Better get in the shower first." Sighing, I rolled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom for my shower. The hot water streaming over my body transformed me into a human being once more. I washed quickly, as always, The let the water play over my body until it ran cold. While I was drying, the door opened, admitting Ray. He occasionally came in as I was toweling off, often enough that I began to wonder if his timing was intentional. Jason did the same thing, but not nearly as frequently. Well, I couldn't let it distract me. After drying, I left Ray to his business. Breakfast was next on my agenda. I put on some shorts and a t-shirt, not wanting to take the chance of spilling something on my suit. Kevin and Sharon were drinking their morning coffee, reading the paper. They nodded good morning and smiled. That was all they did, and all I needed to know they loved me. It looked like we were having a cold breakfast. Rummaging through the cupboards, I picked out the box of corn flakes. I ate two big bowls as we sat in a pleasant silence. Ray came in as I was finishing up, his usual self. "What's for breakfast?" Without a word, I handed him the box of cornflakes with a small grin, put my dishes in the dishwasher, and went up to get ready to go. Jason was in the shower when I went in to shave and brush my teeth. I shaved about once a week or so. I wanted to look my best this morning, so I shaved again even though I had last Friday morning. Jason turned off the water as I finished brushing my teeth. Due to some sense of modesty, I left the room before he reached out to get his towel. I didn't really mind when they walked in on me, but I felt odd about being in there when they were just getting in or out of the shower. Maybe it came from being an only child. The suit still didn't feel right as I wore it, feeling stiff and formal. At least the dress shirt was the right size now, so I didn't choke because of it. I didn't even attempt to tie the tie, asking Kevin to do it instead. Again I followed his motions as he tied the knot, learning how to do it. I think I got it down that time. Kevin was ready to go by the time he knotted my tie. We left after telling everyone goodbye for the day. The morning was overcast and drizzling, typical Portland weather. The drive into the city wasn't too bad, just wet. Highway 26 was only a little congested because of the rain, so it took us forty-five minutes to get to the office. Kevin parked in a reserved parking space in an underground lot for office staff. He directed me to the elevator, and pushed for the sixth floor. The doors opened shortly. What I saw was like something out of those high powered lawyer shows on television. Marble floors and mahogany walls, books neatly placed in their shelves, everyone in a suit. A frosted window had letters in gold declaring "Law Offices of Vanderkamp Patterson and Craine". We made our way down the hall toward the rear of the office. As we passed, people greeted my dad, "Hello, Mr. Patterson" or "Good morning, Mr. Patterson." The offices took up the entire floor of the building. This must be a huge business. We came to a door on the left side that had marble surrounding it, kind of like a border. Cut into the stone was, "Kevin J. Patterson Senior Partner". Kevin opened the door and walked in, but I paused looking at his name. I really hadn't realized he was a senior partner. He certainly didn't act it, which is one thing that I loved him for. Kevin was young for a senior partnership, I knew that. I wondered if Van had given it to him because he was family, or if he was just that good. "Good morning, Pete." Van's voice came from a door to my right, the door at the end of the hall. I noticed that there were five offices here for the partners in this hall. The office opposite Kevin's was for Mr. Craine, Senior Partner. The other two doors had no names on them, and I could see they were empty through the open doors. "Good morning, Van." "Ready to go?" "I guess. I'm not really sure what to expect." "Don't worry, Pete. Just remember the brief I gave you, and keep calm. Answer the questions asked truthfully. No one will be able to hurt you." "I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about Brian. I hope they don't hurt him." Van was abrupt. "They have no reason to. He really isn't that important to your case. We called him to talk about the two days before you came up here." "Okay. When do we go?" Kevin stepped out of his office. "Now. We'll get there early and run over the details again, and show you the courtroom so you'll feel a little more comfortable." "Morning, kid." "Morning, Pops." They grinned at each other, apparently a joke I wasn't aware of. Still, they looked to be in good spirits, which put my mind more at ease. If they were worried, it would worry me, and they knew it. In reality I didn't really know what they thought about my case. Van returned to his office, picked up his briefcase and jacket, and left some instructions for his secretary. We three walked down the hall back toward the elevator side by side. Again, people were wishing Van and dad good morning as we passed. Taking the elevator down to the parking level, we climbed into a waiting limo. During the short drive to the courthouse, I lost myself again in thought, thinking nothing specific, just letting my mind drift. I realized with a start I hadn't done that in a while. Usually this relaxed me, calmed me down, but today it didn't seem to be working, and my mind didn't drift like it usually did. I found myself coming back again and again to Brian. Finally I gave up with a shake of my head. "You okay, son?" Kevin always said just the right thing. "Yeah, I guess. I can't stop thinking about Brian." "That's normal, boy," Van said with sympathy. "You have been missing him for a long time, and it can't be easy for you knowing he's so near. Don't worry. You'll do fine. And then you two can get reacquainted." He ruffled my hair and then laughed. Pulling out a comb, he handed it to me. "Sorry about that. I lost my sense of decorum there." I grinned back at him and put my hair into place once more. We arrived at the courthouse about seven-thirty. It was an unimposing building, large, but not menacing. We strode inside and upstairs to courtroom two. Van opened the door without hesitation. Inside, I saw the room wasn't unlike what you see on television, a bench and two witness stands, tables for the opposing sides, a banister to separate the gallery from the court officers. Van chose the table on our right as we came in. Kevin motioned I follow him after he put down his case and jacket. He led me to the witness stand on our side and had me sit. "Take a look around, Pete. This is where you'll be sitting when you're on the stand. Remember the coaching we gave you. Don't get flustered. You can't make a mistake up here. Just tell the truth. That's all you have to do." He leaned in and put a hand on my shoulder, looking me in the eyes. "No matter what happens, Van and I are with you here. No one can hurt you. Understand?" "Yeah." "I love you Peter. I'm proud to have you as a son. I wouldn't want it any other way." He stepped back, looking at his watch. "You have about fifteen minutes before I want you back here. Step outside, get some air, and relax. This is going to be a long day." Taking his advice, I went down stairs and outside, in front of the building. It was starting to rain harder now, the sky dark with clouds. I stood off to one side of the wide entryway, leaning against the building, watching people go in and out of the courthouse. About five minutes after I took my place, I saw my mom and Carl arrive. They went inside without seeing me, but I saw their faces. Both wore expressions of anger, and hate. I laughed to myself. They hadn't even seen me yet and already their hate had taken control of them. The next ten minutes flew by. More people were hurrying out of the increasingly intense downpour. I had been hoping to see Brian before court started, but it didn't happen. With a heavy sigh, I trekked in the door and back up to the courtroom, taking the middle seat at our table, between Van and Kevin. Carl and mom wore a neutral expression, but their eyes betrayed their real feelings. I ignored them as much as I could. Van turned to me and quietly started asking me all sorts of nonsense questions that had nothing to do with the case. He looked so serious asking me who I thought would win the Superbowl, or who I liked in music, or my favorite ice cream flavor. Several times I saw him glance at my mother, and I realized this was part of the game. I laughed out loud and hugged him right there, making a dismissive gesture toward them. Van's eyes were dancing when he discovered I knew the game, and could play with him. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught two men sitting down in the back of the courtroom. I looked closer, in shock. I knew they were going to be here, but still.... Danny hadn't changed much. He had more gray hair now, but that was about it. Brian, on the other hand, had changed so much I wouldn't have recognized him. He wasn't too much taller than he had been, at most three inches. His body really surprised me, though. He had been doing some serious working out, it seemed. His face was taking on a more mature look. But his eyes... He hadn't seen me yet, but in his eyes I saw pain, sadness, anguish, and fear. Something had cast a shadow over those beautiful green eyes. The spark I loved was gone. I wanted to hold him, make everything right for him. My heart ached to feel him in my arms again His eyes found mine, and lit briefly in recognition. A sad, uncertain expression crossed his face, seasoned with anxiety. He met my gaze for only a few seconds, and then lowered his eyes, as if in shame. "All rise!" ----------------------- Constructive criticism and comments gladly accepted. Please e-mail me at dewey2k@yahoo.com. 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