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I’m back home for half term. I’ve fixed up to go to Sean’s place on Wednesday. I’m not sure how that’s going to go; I get the feeling that his foster parents aren’t too keen on him getting back together with kids from ‘his old life’. Well, I don’t care; that’s their problem. I’m going anyway. The Robinsons are away all week; Luke told me they would be, so for the rest of the time it’s just me and the old gang. Monday’s a bank holiday, so we’ve got parents around for three days instead of just two, which means we can’t get up to too much mischief, but I doubt if we would anyway.

The weather’s great; we spend most of our time down at the park, either kicking a soccer ball around or just hanging out. It’s okay; the atmosphere’s a lot more relaxed than it was at Easter, but to me it still seems strange, Sean not being here. His name isn’t even mentioned; it’s almost like he never existed. Oh well, that’s how it is; there’s not much I can do about it.

Tuesday, half past twelve; we’re wandering back from the park, the sun blazing down on us. One by one, the other lads peel off to go home for lunch, leaving me with Jason.

“You wanna come in for a bit?” he asks, looking me right in the eye.

“Sure,” I say casually.

I’m not sure what he’s got in mind; maybe he wants to mess about again like we did last time. Well, I’m going to let him take the lead; I’m not pushing anything. He lets us in; the house is empty.

“Mum’s at work,” he says quietly. “Wanna come upstairs?”

I follow him to his bedroom. We flop down on the bed. I glance across. There’s a tell-tale bulge in his shorts.

“Toby,” he asks, “so you really like, you know, doing stuff with other boys?”

“Yeah,” I say.

“Don’t you like girls then?”

“Dunno,” I say, shrugging my shoulders. “There aren’t any girls when I’m away at school so I’ve never really thought about it. So you like girls then?”

“Yeah; I love going out with them and that. Never get to do much though, well not usually. Jenny Williams let me put my hand in her panties; that was about it.”

“So did you like that?” I ask.

“Yeah, it was okay.”

Hmmm! Only okay? Doesn’t sound like it was a big turn-on for him.

“Since that thing with Brendan,” he continues, “I keep thinking about, --- you know.”

“Well, I wouldn’t worry about it,” I say nonchalantly. “A lot of boys our age do. Most of them grow out of it; that’s what Uncle Andrew told me.”

“Oh,” he says. “So d’you want to mess around now then?”

“Yeah, if you want. Are we going to get naked?”

“Yeah,” he whispers.

He draws the curtains. We quickly strip down to our underpants. We stand facing each other, both of us with very obvious hard-ons. Very nervously puts his hand on the front of my briefs, almost like he expects my dick to jump out and bite him.

“That’s hard, man!” he comments.

He hooks his fingers into the waistband of my briefs and pulls them down round my thighs.

“That’s nearly as big as Richard’s,” he says. “I’ve seen him in the showers at school; he always gets hard before he puts his pants back on.”

I could tell him what that probably means, but Jase isn’t stupid; I’ll leave him to draw his own conclusions.

“So what about you?” I ask.

“I never used to,” he says, frowning. “But now I do. It’s embarrassing, man! So d’you do that?”

“Nah!” I say grinning at him. “At school we see each other naked all the time. It doesn’t bother me.”

“Can I touch it?” he asks.

“Yeah, course.”

He wraps his fingers round it, stroking it gently. His touch is electrifying; I’ll cum in no time if he keeps that up.

“That’s s nice one, man!” he says, a hint of breathlessness in his voice. “I wish mine was that big.”

“You were only twelve a couple of weeks ago,” I remind him. “It seemed to be working okay the last time I was here. You’ll catch up.”

I skin his underpants down his legs. His cock springs free. At barely three inches and very slim it is on the small side for a twelve year old; Alex’s is bigger and he’s only eleven. I reach out and fondle it. It’s incredibly hard and throbbing like crazy.

“Does that feel good?” I ask.

“Yeah!” he breathes, smiling up at me.

We sit down side by side on the bed and get back to playing with each other. I know it’s a bit tame compared with what I’m used to, but I don’t care; Jason being so new to it makes it seem really hot.

“Toby,” he asks, “what’s it feel like, having it up your bum?”

“Good,” I say. “I like it. There’s this gland up inside your bum, right above your balls. It’s called the prostate; it’s what tells your balls to make spunk, or it will when you’re a bit older. It feels incredible when something touches it. ”

“Doesn’t it hurt?” he queries. “I’ve tried sticking my finger in when I’ve been having a wank, and even that hurt.”

“Did you use any lube?” I ask.


“You know, hand cream or something.”

“No,” he says, “never thought about it.”

“Have you got any?”

“Got some Vaseline,” he tells me.

“A bit greasy, but it’ll do,” I say casually.

He rummages in the drawer of his bedside cabinet, and takes it out. I swallow hard; I didn’t want to push the boat out here, but I can’t miss a chance like this. I probably need to help him out in any case.

“D’you want me to do it for you?” I ask quietly.

He nods and passes me the jar. I smear some over my middle finger.

“Pull your knees up,” I tell him.

He shuffles back across the bed so he’s leaning against the wall, pulling up his knees so his feet are flat on the bed. It’s just about perfect. I slip off the bed so I’m kneeling in front of him. I slide my hand between his legs, running my finger over the sensitive area behind his balls until I reach his hole. I slowly work my finger around until I feel him relax.

“Okay,” I say gently. “Tell me if it hurts and I’ll stop.”

He nods. Very slowly I push my finger in. I get as far as the first knuckle and stop.

“How’s it feel?” I ask.

Okay,” he says.

I push in a bit further. He tenses up for a few seconds then relaxes. I push in right past the second knuckle. I touch his prostate. His cock twitches all by itself.

“Oh, fuck!” he gasps. “That’s unreal, man!”

“Stand up,” I whisper.

He shuffles forwards and gets to his feet, my finger still embedded inside him. I lick my lips and go down on him, sucking his stiff little cock right down to the base. I don’t have to tell him what to do; he just does it, grabbing my head and pumping his hips, fucking his cock into my mouth and bumming himself on my finger. It’s over in a matter of seconds, his cock jerking wildly between my lips. I wait till he’s finished and let him go, my finger sliding out of his bum. He sinks back onto the bed.

“Jesus!” he gasps, struggling to get some air into his lungs. “I don’t believe that!”

“So was it okay then?” I ask.

“Fuck, man!” he says, still trying to get his breath back. “I never knew anything could feel that good!”

I sit down next to him. He looks across.

“Toby,” he asks, “Can you make your stuff squirt out?”


“Can I see it?” he says, his eyes widening.

“Yeah, sure,” I say grinning. “Will you do it for me; it feels better like that.”

I twist around, lying back on the bed, with Jason kneeling over me. He takes my cock between his fingers and sets to work. He’s got a great touch; it feels fantastic. After barely half a minute the tingling kicks in.

“Keep going!” I moan, “I’m nearly there!”

He does just that. A few seconds later my spunk spurts all over me, an initial squirt just above my tummy button followed by a big one right up between my nipples, then a few smaller ones till the last few drops just ooze their way out. Jason’s eyes are like saucers. I’m not surprised. It’s a long time since I saw myself cum like that; I’ve spurted a lot more than I did then. It’s thicker too, not really white yet, but much cloudier than it was.

“You squirt a lot, don’t you?” he comments, letting me go and examining the gooey stuff on his fingers.

“Yeah, I guess,” I say casually.

We pad across to the bathroom and clean ourselves up, returning to Jason’s room to get back into our clothes. Suddenly he’s very quiet again, like he doesn’t know what to say. I hope he’s not regretting it.

“I’d better get home,” I say, grinning at him. “I’ll see you down the park in about an hour.”

He sees me out without saying a word.

The afternoon passes much like any other, the five of us just hanging out together; it’s too hot to do anything else. For me and Jason it’s business as usual. Finally, it’s time to go. For once, I’m one of the first to leave. If I walk back with the others, Jason might invite me in again, and I’m not sure that’s a good idea right now.

“You around tomorrow?” he asks.

“Nah, got to go out,” I say, not giving any details. “I’ll see you Thursday, right?”

“Yeah, okay then,” he says, looking a bit disappointed.

I walk back home trying to make sense of it all. He had a really bad experience with Brendan trying to get into his pants, but instead of it putting him right off the idea of sex with boys, it seems like it’s done just the opposite. That’s weird!

0 o 0 o 0 o 0

I’ve got it all checked out. It’s actually easier than getting to school. I take the Northern Line tube from the station half a mile away through the City to London Bridge. Then I just have one train ride from there. The house is about five minutes walk from the station, so I’ll go straight to it; I won’t need Sean to meet me. I set off just after nine o’clock. I’ve told Sean I’ll be there about half past ten; I should have plenty of time.

It’s just gone quarter to ten when I get to London Bridge. I check the timetable. The next train leaves at 9.54 from platform 10. I show my day-pass at the barrier and wander through. The train’s there waiting. I find an empty compartment and park myself down next to the window. Just before we pull out, this older guy comes in and sits directly opposite, late forties, maybe fifty, smartly dressed. The hair stands up on the back of my neck. He could have sat anywhere else in the compartment, but he’s chosen to sit right opposite me. Well, I know what that’s about; it’s happened a few times when I’ve been going to and from school. But there’s one big difference. When it’s happened before the train’s been quite full, so they couldn’t actually do anything. Today it’s just him and me. I’m almost wishing I’d worn jeans instead of shorts, but you don’t want to do that when it’s as hot as this. Well, fuck him! I’ll just ignore him and hope he gets the message.

“So you’re on holiday this week?” he asks, the train hardly out of the station.

“Yeah,” I say, not even looking at him, hoping that he’ll see I’m not interested and leave it there.

“So have you come far?” he continues.

Well that didn’t work, but I’m not that worried. I saw Atkinson off all by myself; I’ll do the same to this guy. I look across, fixing my eyes on his. I’m sure he was looking at my crotch.

“Near Finchley,” I tell him, my eyelids not even flickering.

“So what brings you south of the river?”

“One of my friends moved to Bromley a few weeks ago,” I say calmly. “I’m going to visit him.”

“That’s a long way to travel on your own,” he comments. “How old are you?”

“I’m twelve,” I say, my eyes boring right into him, “but I’m used to it. I’m at school in Sussex. I always go on the train. My dad never takes me; he’s too busy.”

“Oh,” he says, looking a bit uncomfortable. “Well it’s good to see we’ve still got some youngsters who know how to get about on their own.”

Hs finally looks away. I allow myself a little smirk; he cracked quite easily. Better still, he keeps his mouth shut for the rest of the journey. That’s another little victory.

I leave the train and make my way out of the station. It’s twenty five past ten. I take a few moments to get my bearings then set off on the short walk to the house. A little over five minutes later, I’m there. It’s a large detached place, a far cry from the council house Sean used to live in. I walk up the drive and ring the bell. Someone comes bounding down the stairs. A moment later the door opens. There he is, grinning at me. Man, it’s so good to see him again! We slap hands.

“You made it!” he says excitedly, ushering me inside.

“Yeah; it’s dead easy,” I tell him. “You’re looking great.”

We wander into the large lounge room. It’s neat and tidy, but still has a nice lived-in feel to it. That’s a bit of a change too; most of the time Sean’s old place looked like it had been hit by a tornado.

“Mum!” he shouts. “Toby’s here!”

A large, friendly looking woman bustles through from the kitchen.

“Hello, Toby,” she says, smiling at me. “I’m Mary Shields, Sean’s foster-mum. Thanks for coming. Sean’s really been looking forward to it.”

“I wanted to see him too,” I say. “Before I went to boarding school we used to do everything together.”

“So you’re the son of the famous heart surgeon?” she says, eyeing me up.

“Yeah,” I say, almost cringing with embarrassment.

“Well, you’re very welcome,” she says, looking me right in the eye. “But let me say one thing. Sean’s been through a lot, stuff you won’t know about. But he’s here now, trying to make a fresh start. Up to now it’s gone very well. He’s settled in well at school, he’s making new friends; we’re very pleased. He’s not been in touch with any of his other friends from before and we thought that was for the best, you know, letting him make a clean break. But he begged us to let him see you again, so we agreed. It’s important that you don’t disrupt what we’ve started here. D’you understand?”

“Yes,” I say firmly.

Of course, I know a whole lot more than she thinks I do, but I do understand; I understand perfectly. After all the shit that’s happened, he did need a fresh start, and Mary looks just the right sort of person to give it to him; she’s everything his real mum wasn’t. I never imagined he’d have finished up somewhere as nice as this; he could have done a lot worse.

“Is it okay if we go round to Michael’s house now?” he asks.

“Yes, off you go!” she says, smiling. “Lunch is at one; don’t be late!”

We step out into the sunshine and set off down the road, Sean bouncing along next to me like a dog with two tails. It’s great, seeing him like this; I thought he’d be miserable.

We spend the morning at the local park with three of Sean’s new friends, Michael and a couple of others. They seem okay, not much different from the gang back home. They seem a bit taken aback when I tell them I go to boarding school, but that’s soon forgotten; I’m a friend of Sean’s and that’s good enough for them. We have a kick-about with a soccer ball; in between that we just hang out, chatting about this and that, soccer, cricket, just general stuff. There’s no mention of sex though, not a whisper. At quarter to one we stroll back to the house, leaving the others at the park.

“So how’s it going?” I ask.

“I’ll tell you later, Sean says. “What time will you have to go?”

“I’d better get to the station for four o’clock,” I tell him. “I need to get back to London Bridge by half past; if I leave it any later the tubes will be jammed and I won’t be able to get on.”

“Okay,” he says, giving me a sly grin. “We’ll talk about it this afternoon.”

Lunch is bangers and mash with onion gravy; it’s delicious. We all sit at a big table in the dining room. It’s not formal exactly, just quiet and orderly. I’m used to having meals like that, but I know Sean isn’t. Terry, Sean’s foster-dad, is there. He’s a lecturer; he teaches clinical psychology. There are two other kids as well; Jane, who’s ten, and David who’s eight. Jane’s okay; she smiles at me a lot, like she fancies me. David looks lost; I get the impression he’s not very bright.

Afterwards, the two younger kids are set to the task of helping with the washing up. Sean doesn’t have to do anything; I guess that’s cause I’m here. He’ll probably have to make up for it later.

“We’re meeting Michael and the others down at the park, okay?” Sean announces.

“When will you be back?” Mary asks.

“Toby’s got to catch the train at four o’clock,” Sean tells her, “I’ll come straight back from the station.”

“Off you go then,” she says. “Nice to have met you, Toby.”

We head out into the warm afternoon sunshine.

“Are Jane and David fostered as well?” I ask.

“Yeah,” Sean says.

“So what happened to them?” I continue.

“Don’t know exactly,” he says. “We’re not supposed to talk about it.”

“David doesn’t seem very bright,” I comment.

“He’s not,” Sean confirms, “doesn’t know whether he’s on his arse or his elbow most of the time. I think he got raped.”

“Jane seems okay though,” I say, trying not to think too much about what he just told me.

“Yeah, she’s much the same as me,” he says, “She was having sex with her uncle, her mum’s brother. Her mum knew it was happening. Then somebody else found out and the shit hit the fan.”

We arrive at the park. Somebody’s brought a cricket bat and a tennis ball. That looks much more suitable for a hot afternoon. After about half an hour it’s my turn to bat. After a couple of balls that I punch away along the ground, Michael bowls one that’s a bit short. I pick the bat up high and swing right through the line. The ball flies through the air, travelling well over a hundred yards before the first bounce. The other kids stand there open-mouthed. I guess they never saw anyone hit the ball as far as that before.

It’s quarter to three. “We’ve got to go now,” Sean says. “Toby’s got to get the train just after three.”

He’s planned this well. We come to the park and meet up with the other kids just like we said, but we leave the best part of an hour early, which will give us plenty of time to ourselves, with him still getting home when he said he would. His foster parents won’t be any the wiser. We start heading back towards the house, but after a short distance we turn off up a side road that leads to some woods.

“We play here sometimes,” Sean says. “There are lots of places where you can hide.”

A few minutes later we’re in one of them; it’s just about as private as you could get. We sit down facing each other.

“Well?” I say, grinning at him.

“It’s okay,” he says. “They look after me better than mum ever did. And they never shout at us. You saw what it was like when we were having lunch; it’s like that all the time, you know, really calm. They don’t even shout at David when he’s being naughty. They don’t let him get away with it, but it’s like they’re in control.”

I’m thinking Mr. Halford; that’s how he is.

“I’m doing better at school than I ever have,” he continues. “Mum never used to bother; she didn’t care what I did. If I didn’t feel like doing homework, I didn’t do it. Well, I can’t do that here. As soon as I get back from school I have to sit down and get on with it. If there’s anything I’m stuck on they help me.”

“So are you okay with that?” I ask.

“Yeah, well I am now,” he says. “It was hard at first, but with them sort of getting it all organised for me, the easiest thing was just to do what they wanted. As long as I work hard and behave myself they’re more than happy. Anyway, what did the other lads tell you?”

“Not much,” I say quietly. “Jason told me what happened; the others never really said anything.”

“That’s what I thought,” he says, not even looking at me.

For a few seconds we sit there not saying anything. In one way, I’m really happy for him. He’s a good kid; he needed someone to look after him like Terry and Mary are doing. On the other hand, it must be hard to know that the other kids don’t even talk about him now.

“There’s another thing,” he says. “Mum was always saying she was going to do this or going to do that, and half the time she never did. If I reminded her, she’d bite my head off. There’s none of that shit here. If Terry or Mary say they’re going to do something, they do it.”

“But something is bothering you, isn’t it?” I say.

“Yeah,” he admits, looking at the ground between his feet. “When I first moved in they asked me a lot about what I’d been doing with Brendan, asked if I’d ever done that with anyone else. Well, I told them about Brendan cause they knew about that anyway, but I never said a word about anything else. They were okay about it, but they said when I was ready to talk about it, they’d be there to listen, like they knew I wasn’t telling the truth. Then they talked to me a lot about how wrong what Brendan did was, and how they were concerned about me cause a lot of boys who’ve been ‘interfered with’ as kids end up doing the same stuff themselves. I tried telling them I really liked having sex with Bren, but they just don’t get it.”

I could tell him that I don’t get it either, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.

“They just say I shouldn’t even be thinking about having sex at my age,” he continues. “They’re paranoid about it, man! They’re not nasty to me, but they always want to know who I’m with and where I’m going; I’m just not used to that. And they do check up; a couple of weeks ago I even saw Mary checking my underpants, you know?”

I hardly know what to say; I don’t want to hurt him by saying the wrong thing.

“So I guess you’ve not had sex since you’ve been here,” I say tentatively, hoping he’s not going to get upset.

“Not a thing!” he says, shaking his head. “The kids I’m in class with are all clueless. Well, you saw them; that’s what they’re all like. And being a mixed school, all the older boys are into girls, or at least that’s what they want everyone to think. It’s like wanting to have sex with another boy is really bad.”

I hesitate, unsure what to say.

“Well, at least I’ll get to do it now,” he continues, giving me a big grin. “I mean, that was what we came here for.”

Come on then” I say, smiling back, the temptation too strong to resist. He’s right, of course; it was what we came here for.

In a matter of seconds we’re stripped to our underpants. He’s got the sexiest little body imaginable. He gives me his trademark cheeky grin and put his hand right on my cock.

“Hard already,” he says. “I thought you would be.”

He pulls down my briefs then gives some more attention to my dick, running his fingers all over it. It feels wonderful.

“My turn now,” I say, grinning back at him.

I pull his briefs right down to his ankles. He isn’t hard but I know how to put that right. I kneel in front of him and take it into my mouth, sucking it eagerly. In less than twenty seconds it’s as stiff as a poker. I get to my feet, wrapping my arms round him, pulling him into a wonderful, passionate kiss, our tongues meshing together. Man! I love this kid!

“Are you going to fuck me?” he asks

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, please Toby! I’ve been dreaming about it ever since you wrote back to me. If I make a mess in my briefs I’ll throw them away so Mary doesn’t see them. I’ve got loads; she won’t notice if there’s a pair missing.”

“It’s okay,” I say, “I’ve brought some cotton wool so you shouldn’t have a problem.”

I take the KY from the pocket of my shorts and lube up my fingers. Sean positions himself bent right over, his hands resting on a low branch. I kneel down behind him. His bum looks perfect; you wouldn’t know he’d ever been fucked. Very gently I work some KY into him, just with one finger at first. I take my time; he’s much tighter than he used to be. I carefully push a second finger in. He tenses up for a moment then relaxes. I slowly work them round, gradually opening him up. I let my fingers slide out. Man! His bum is beautiful and right now it’s all mine. I move in behind him, my cock nuzzling against his hole. I hold it round the base and push. It goes in about two inches.

“Ohhh!” he gasps.

“You okay?” I whisper.

“Yeah, man!” he moans. “Get it all up!”

I hold him round the hips and slowly pull him onto me, my dick hitting his prostate on the way through.

“Oh, yeah!” he groans. “Do it, Toby!”

I start off pretty slow, the pace building and building till I’m fucking him stupid.

“Oh, man!” he moans. “I’ve been waiting for this!”

I tighten my grip on his thighs, bumming him even harder. He’s very close, I can tell. I push my hand down onto his dick. Almost immediately he’s quivering like a jelly, his bum flaring and tightening round my cock,

“Nnngg!! Aaarrgghhh!!!” he gasps, his dick exploding into life between my fingers.

I’ve hit the point of no return. I slam right into him, holding on tight as my spunk spurts over and over into his bum. I’m so dizzy staying upright isn’t even an option. I bend right over him, gasping for air, my nose filled with the smell of his thick wavy hair.

“Man!” I whisper. “That was something else!”

Slowly and carefully I pull out. My dick’s as sensitive as I’ve ever known it, and I’ve cum so much my balls ache. Sean squats down, letting my spunk run out onto the ground. There’s even more of it than I shot yesterday at Jason’s house. Fuck! I hand him the piece of cotton wool, wondering if it’ll be big enough.

“Thanks, man!” he says, grinning at me.

He places it in his briefs and pulls them up. I’m already wondering if we should have done that. I wanted to finish talking to him first; now I’ve got a problem. In many ways he’s much better off here than he was at home, but as far as sex goes his whole world’s been turned on its head. If I had to go without sex for nearly three months, I’d be climbing up the walls. But would I? I have lots of sex because it’s easily available; it’s what I’ve got used to. But if it wasn’t, maybe I’d get used to that as well; I really don’t know. I sit back down, motioning for him to sit next to me.

“You know it’s better for you being here than it was being at home, don’t you?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he says quietly, looking down between his feet.

“And you know Terry and Mary are trying to do what’s best for you?”

“Yeah,” he agrees.

“Well, maybe you’ll have to put up with not having sex for a while,” I suggest, hardly able to believe what I’m saying. “If you’re patient I know you’ll find someone eventually.”

He doesn’t reply. I take a deep breath; this is going to be the hard bit.

“I don’t think I should come here again,” I say, trying to sound as calm as possible. “Things have changed; you’ve got a new life now and you’ve got to make it work. I don’t think me popping in every time I’m off school is going to help.”

I glance across. The tears are rolling down his face. I grab his shoulders, turning him to face me.

“You don’t want me,” he sobs.

“Of course I want you,” I say, trying to stop myself bursting into tears. “You’re the best mate I ever had. But it’s not going to work. You’re here; I’m either away at school or at home on the other side of London. We’ve got to move on, both of us. I can’t take things back to how they were before; it’s not possible.”

He wipes his eyes and looks at me.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m being stupid.”

I help him to his feet and we head towards the station. We don’t talk; there really is nothing to say. Finally we get there. I’m on the edge of tears again.

“I’m going to miss you,” I tell him.

“I’ll miss you, too,” he responds.

“Look after yourself,” I say, my voice barely more than a croak.

“And you,” he says. “You’re the best, man!”

I want to kiss him, but I can’t, not here. I pull him into a big hug, his head resting on my shoulder.

“Just take care, yeah?” I whisper.

“I will,” he says. “I promise.”

We let each other go. I turn and walk towards the platform. As I go through the door I turn back for a moment; he’s still standing there, watching me. I swallow hard and keep walking.

The train’s coming into the station. I find the first available seat and flop into it, my head spinning. I hope I’ll never have to go through that again. Maybe it would have been better if I hadn’t gone, who knows? And I haven’t a clue whether I should have had sex with him. He wanted it and so did I, but I still don’t know if it was the right thing to have done. I’m pleased that he’s got such good people looking after him, but I’m still worried. He does silly things; he always has. If he gets the chance to have sex, he’ll go for it; that’s the way he is. I just hope he finds someone who actually cares about him; I can’t bear the thought of him getting hurt again. I’ve never felt like this before, you know, like it really matters. I guess that’s because it does.

I eat dinner without saying more than a couple of words to anyone. Afterwards it’s Kate’s turn to help with the washing up; I go to my room and lie on my bed, thoughts churning through my head. I feel like shit. There’s a light tap on the door. Liz walks in and sits on the edge of the bed.

“Are you all right?” she asks quietly. “You look really upset.”

“You remember Sean?” I say. She nods. “He’s had a lot of bad stuff going on,” I continue. “The family’s been split up and he’s living with foster parents over in Bromley. His mum said she didn’t want him any more. I went over to see him. He’s doing really well; his foster parents are trying to give him a fresh start. It’s definitely what he needs after what he’s been through, so I told him I thought it’d be better if I didn’t go over there again. He was pretty upset about it; we both were.”

“You and Sean were really close, weren’t you?” she asks, stroking my fingers.

“Yeah, he was like the brother I never had.” I say, giving her a weak grin. “You’re not going to say anything to dad, are you?”

“Of course not, silly!” she says, smiling down at me. “What does he need to know for? I think you did really well, going all that way on your own. I think you did the right thing too.”

“Thanks,” I say quietly.

“Has mum agreed to you staying with Robert in the summer while they’re in Egypt?” she asks, changing the subject.

“Yeah,” I say grinning at her. “She rang Rob’s mum last night. Well, they seemed to get on pretty well so it’s all arranged.”

“I’m glad,” she says. “It’s so boring, going to those places; I hate it.”

“It’s okay if you know what you’re looking at,” I say, “but dad never explains anything.”

“Oh, he’s hopeless!” she agrees, giving me a big smile. She pauses for a moment. “I know we fight quite a bit,” she says quietly, “but you’re still my kid brother and I don’t like seeing you upset.”

She gives me a quick peck on the cheek and leaves the room.

0 o 0 o 0 o 0

It’s twenty five past ten when I arrive at Jason’s house. Carl and Alan are already there; Richard arrives a few minutes later. We spend the morning at the park, kicking a soccer ball about, much the same as usual. At half past twelve we start to make our way home.

“I’ve got to get back,” Jason announces suddenly, and trots off on his own.

So that’s it then; he won’t be inviting me in, not today, and probably not tomorrow either. In one way I’m disappointed, even a bit annoyed cause he’s behaving like an arsehole. But mainly I’m relieved; I can’t really explain it, but the other day things went much further than I thought they would, and I just wasn’t in control of it. My head’s still screwed up by the business with Sean too. I usually go after sex with cute looking boys any time I get the chance, but after everything that’s happened, doing stuff with Jason is one situation I think I’m better to stay out of.