Date: Sun, 27 Aug 2000 04:05:01 -0700 (PDT) From: The Alienist Subject: "Holding On For Dear Life" Part 10 by "Alienist" "Holding On For Dear Life" Part 10 By The Alienist Alienist_hk@Yahoo.com DISCLAIMER: This story is a work of erotic and romantic fiction involving teenage boys. All the usual rules apply. If you shouldn't be reading this, then please don't continue. Or at least try not to be caught! THIS IS IT!!! The 6 month anniversary of my posting Part 01 of HOFDL is August 29th! I announced a few weeks ago to my Listbot subscribers that I was going to attempt finishing Part 10 in time to have it posted by that date, to observe the occasion. This is what I came up with, even if it has been a little rushed...But you deserve to have it, since you waited SOOO long between Part 08 and Part 09! February 29th (leap year!) seems like a very long time ago, and I have been changing and developing my writing skills quite a lot since then. At least I think so. Check it out and let me know! Listbot joining instructions at the end of the chapter, as usual. COPYRIGHT NOTICE: This story is copyrighted August 2000 by the author, who retains all rights. You may distribute or copy this story in any way you like, PROVIDED that this copyright notice remains intact and that you do NOT change the story in any way. I give it freely to all, please continue that way yourself. DEDICATION: This story is dedicated to "Jason Trower", or JT for short, who is widely known and respected for his stories and a couple of great series at his website called "Lizard Tales". The address for this website is well worth adding to your favorites list, if you haven't already. Find him at http://lizard_tales.tripod.com I am proud that we are such close friends, despite the thousands of miles that separate us physically. JT is one of those who first encouraged me to write, and we trade story ideas and comments on whatever we happen to be working on. I feel for him what he says he feels about Comicality. Since Comsie was one of the first really good writers of Gay Teen Romance on the Web, I hope everybody understands what I mean. Thanks, JT, from the bottom of my heart! NOTE: All Thai words and phrases have been spelled so that readers may pronounce them correctly. Please note that I am an American listener of Thai, as well. Other transliteration methods may vary. ANOTHER NOTE: For those of you who used to follow this story on the Teen Boy Authors (TBA) site, please be advised that TBA was killed recently and permanently. I'm sorry about the irrational actions of another, but I will continue to post here on Nifty. And thanks be to Nifty! My own website will be coming soon. I know, I said that last month! But the friend helping me with it is just waiting for me to send him what he needs. He's designed an awesome site for me! So all my stories (and more) should be up pretty soon. Woo Hoo! Constructive criticism, comments, suggestions, and questions are gladly---no---eagerly accepted! Please email me at alienist_hk@yahoo.com I answer all emails, except for some of the ruder flames. ************************************** "Holding On For Dear Life" Part 10 Ali and Paul had been relaxing over coffee and after dinner drinks (Paul was fond of good port, and Ali was partial to white creme de menthe) and chatting about meeting James's new Thai friend named Sakjai. Paul asked, "How are you doing with getting used to our son's newest name? James will have to do, as it's his choice, of course. But, isn't it a bit formal?" "Well, hon, it may take some getting used to, but I kind of like it, actually. Sounds somehow stronger, more self-assured or something. And he certainly was acting less anxious and withdrawn than he has in a long time! Maybe less than his entire life!" "I noticed that, too! That looks like a very good sign to me. Obviously, there has to be a connection between this kid Sakjai and the new James. I like him already." "Paul, I hate to point out the obvious, but I think we're going to have no choice about that! Did you see the way he took care of Sakjai at dinner? He was really looking out for him. I've never seen him more involved with somebody else's feelings than he has been with his own. Have you?" "I think you're right. How `bout that? A Thai hottie becoming a fixture around here! James has always seemed so worried about himself; it's always gotten in the way with other people. If Sakjai can help him get out of himself, I'd be personally very grateful to him! And I think our son is well and truly smitten. He's got pretty good taste, actually. Chip off the old block on that score? It's lovely watching them. Holding hands, embarrassed that you caught him using the word "cute". And did you notice them playing footsies under the table?" "How could I not? They got in the way of my doing it with you! It felt so romantic and sexy in here it was kind of turning me on, too!" "So that's what it was. Right, I can see that now! I thought it was just me or something." And Paul gave his wife a smoldering sensual smile, widening his deep blue eyes for extra effect. "Awww, Paulie...I love it when you switch those eyes on full beam like that! Wanna go fool around?" "Absolutely! But maybe we should wait until the guys are settled in for the night first? And we will have to keep the animal noises down, I suppose. That's too bad..." "We're used to that, aren't we? When was it we had to start being careful, anyhow? When Chris was 4 or 5, maybe?" "Yeah, something like that. When Jim-James, sorry, was just a kicking little ball of energy." Ali smiled at that image. Then she said, "You know, Paulie, you were pretty good with them tonight. You did very well containing my `too many questions too soon' mode, you know? Plus, you were right!" "Thanks. I was hoping you weren't mad at me about that. But all I did really was take your advice from earlier, remember? You just forgot yourself in your motherly zeal, that's all." "Hmm, right." But Ali's thoughts were now focused on something more immediate. "Paulie, do you think our son and heir will have to keep the noise down tonight himself?" Paul blinked. It was an obvious question to ask, of course. But somehow he hadn't made that particular leap in his own mind yet. "I suppose he might, at that... But isn't it a bit soon? After, all, I think they haven't spent that much time together. That is, IF they're either gay or bi, which we don't really know anything concrete about yet. Shouldn't they wait? I mean, to get better acquainted? And maybe I should have another talk with James about safe sex." Ali chortled. "You've only given him that talk about three times so far! Remember how last time he kept on saying he knew it already, and give it a rest? You're such a mother hen sometimes!" "I'M the mother hen?? What about your OWN hovering and snooping and listening at doors, Miss Nancy Drew? What do you think about the possibility of them having sex pretty soon...maybe even tonight, for all we know? I think we should encourage them to wait..." "Oh, sure, just like we did ourselves! How long had we known each other before we jumped in the sack? About three hours, as I recall. We turned out alright, didn't we?" "Not fair! We were older than 15!" Paul was getting a bit defensive, surprised at Ali's air of permissiveness. "Yup, we were. But not by much! And when was your first time? It's been awhile since we walked down Memory Lane, isn't it? Come on, how old were you?" "Well, 13. But that doesn't technically count! We didn't have intercourse!" Ali snorted, although she had a wide grin at the same time. "Yeah, yeah, I remember you trying to justify that one too many times, Paulie. It counts, believe me. You were well and truly smitten yourself then, even if it WAS `only' oral! My first times were like that too, remember? I was 12 or 13, the same as you. And I count all of it. We're getting pretty legalistic, aren't we? What's up with all that?" "Ok, ok, you got me. Again. I'm just worried about him, that's all. There weren't any killer diseases when we were young, and I don't want him to get hurt emotionally, either. Well, neither of them, of course. You remember how bad it got for me after good-old-proper-Catholic Mom discovered that first time? It changed my life radically, for the worse. It was the hardest time I've ever had in my life!" "Yes, of course I do, Paul! You haven't ever really gotten back together with them, even though you and I ended up together in the end. I also know that's the reason you left home for boarding school when you were James's age. They're complete assholes about that subject. But you ended up just fine, even though you went through hell for a couple of years. I know that still hurts something awful when you think about it. Believe me, I do! Please just remember that we've raised ours with different values. We've never hurt our kids like that. You and I are NOT like your parents." "I know we're not. I don't worry about him with us. Well, at least not too much, as long as we don't go overboard with the liberal thinking or something. It's everybody else out there that makes me afraid for him. It's just as homophobic out in the world as it was when we were young. Don't you worry about that?" "Yeah, I do. Especially now that we can see he might be gay or bi himself. But we just CAN'T let that get in the way of him having a full and complete life, and be able to hold his head up high. We're here to support him. To protect him, even, if he needs it. I will NOT let fear take over and ruin his life! I just can't. I don't want you to let your own past fears and horrible environment get super- imposed onto James's life. Can you see that?" "You're right. Of course. You've always been able to focus me and keep me centered, haven't you? It's one of the reasons I love you more than my own life..." Paul was surprised to feel himself close to tears. He started blinking rapidly, and cleared his throat. Alison got up and went to him, hugging him as he remained seated. Paul buried his face in her mid- section and heaved a huge sigh. Ali stroked the back of his head, and murmured, "Go ahead, let it out. We haven't talked about this in a lot of years, have we? I think James is going to be bringing up quite a lot of memories and feelings for us. More so for you than me, maybe. It won't always be pleasant. Just remember that I'm here, Mister Man... I am relentless. And I'm never going to let anything or anybody hurt either of my fellas. You got that? I'm here. We're together." Paul's reply was muffled by the position his face was in. "I'll try and remember. I didn't realize how afraid this makes me for him. It's really pushing some old buttons for me, isn't it?" And he hugged her more tightly, making small stroking motions on her back. "Good. I'm glad that's settled. Just remember that you are NOT all alone in this, the way you were before for yourself. Now, how's about we get the kitchen cleaned up and go watch some TV or something. Family room or ours? I'm sure James can manage to find us if he needs anything." Paul gathered himself, and helped her clear and wash up. All he said was "Ours..." and smiled at his wife of eighteen years. Those years somehow seemed to fall away at times like this, and he felt protected and safe, just as he always had with Alison. Paul suddenly thought of something else, too. "Shit, we also have to really get ready to have that other chat with James pretty soon. Maybe even tomorrow. We'll tell him together, right? I don't want to face that one all on my own." Alison nodded affirmatively as she said, "We've been preparing for this talk for years, Paul. Stop worrying too much about it. We'll do fine, and of course we'll do it together. Tomorrow if you like. No problem, ok?" Paul smiled tentatively, but seemed stronger inside himself as he heard her words. Ali kept giving her husband reassuring touches as they finished up the domestic chores. As they left the kitchen, heading through the living room to the hallway with all the bedroom doors, Ali whispered, "Shush! Let's do this quietly. I don't want them to think we're listening at their door or something..." Paul grinned as he nodded his agreement. They moved softly down the hall together. They stopped in front of the closed door to their bedroom, which was just opposite James's door, as well. As Ali leaned forward to open their door as quietly as she could, noises could be clearly heard coming from behind the other door. "OH! James! Aaaahhhhh...!" and there were also crystal clear sounds of the bed creaking and bodies thumping around in there. Paul grabbed Ali and said, "Oh my God..." Ali shushed him again emphatically, and dragged him into their room, shutting it behind them with a quiet click. The hallway was empty again. ************************************************ Neither James nor Sakjai had any idea that they had been heard, of course. They were in their own little universe in James's room, weren't they? They were lost in each other, oblivious to anything else. Sakjai was prostrate on the bed, one arm flung over his head, his shirt open all the way down his front. He was still breathing heavily, but at the same time it had a dream-like quality to it. He was lightly stroking James's hair. James was resting his head on Sakjai's abdomen, feeling it rise and fall beneath him as the Thai boy's breath flowed in and out. One of James's hands still lay cupped around Sakjai's crotch as the copious wetness of his orgasm seeped throughout the front of his pants. It felt warm and somehow comforting to them both. For once, nothing seemed pressing in on them. For now, they were simply content to be with one another. Neither spoke as the storms of passion dissipated. The minutes ticked past peacefully. James almost went to sleep. Sakjai thought about what had just occurred. He was amazed that his body could be made to feel what had just swept over him. He had never ever felt that wonderful. Not even one time. Now that he was resting in the afterglow, he realized something else. He now knew with greater clarity that there were gaping wounds in his life. He was more aware than he had ever been before of exactly how barren his world had been. How alone and lonely he was. How numb his body; how silent his world. Well, actually, Sakjai had known quite a lot about things being wrong. That's why he had been going back to his Auntie's house to do what he'd planned to do tonight. But he'd never been able to figure out exactly what was wrong. He had always thought it was something about himself. He had always hoped that he could do something to change his world, but he'd never been successful in his attempts. That was another piece of the reason he had been on the brink of doing the one thing he could do to take control of his situation. And to think, he'd never even been afraid of what he was about to do! How alarming that thought was right now. And, how sad... An image came to him. A baby bird, not yet able to see, but its little beak wide open in hope that its mother would place some nourishing tidbit inside. But no food ever came. The mother bird seemed never to be there. It was totally dependent on something that never came. There was nothing at all that it could do for itself. And there never had been; it had always been helpless. So, all the baby bird could do was keep wishing for something outside itself to save it, nurture it even. Of course, the problem had never had anything to do with the baby bird. It was simply left too much alone, far too soon, and so never had a chance at life. It would just die, fading away from life. The mother bird was responsible, if anything was. Sakjai blinked and stared up at the ceiling, his hand never breaking contact with James. The mother bird... His own mother. Who was she, really? Why had he never been able to quite get her attention? And there was also his father, who had apparently died without ever wishing to know Sakjai. Nobody else there for him, ever. No other family he was close to. He didn't even know what being touched was like. So of course, he'd never known what he was missing. It was as though everybody he'd ever needed and depended on had gone missing somehow. It wasn't himself that was the problem after all. And he'd just discovered it, for the first time in his life. A vast, powerful, wave of sadness and outrage almost overwhelmed him as he lay there quietly. But he remembered to hold on. Suddenly he found both his hands grabbing James, trying desperately to gather him closer into his own body. Holding on to that, the wave washed past him without dragging him along with it. As it had almost done so recently, this very afternoon. >From his own half-sleeping state, James became aware of the strength of Sakjai's grip. He roused himself more fully, and looked up at Sakjai. The Thai youth raised his head from the pillows and smiled intensely at James. They fell into each other's eyes. "You ok, Sakjai?" "Yes, James. I think I will always be fine now, if you are with me. I'm trying to remember that. I almost forgot. But I held on." "Shit! This is all really happening, isn't it? I've been worried that it was all a dream..." "You worry a lot, James. Don't forget everything." "Forget...?" "Yes, James. I am trying to remember that I have you to hold onto now. Don't forget that you can hold onto me, the same." James pulled himself up alongside the new center of his universe. He threw one leg over Sakjai, and used both arms to hug him tight. He murmured into Sakjai's ear, "If I ever forget, will ya please keep telling me?" "Of course, James, na-nohn! Certainly." But then Sakjai thought of something else, and giggled. "What are ya laughing about?" "You forgot something already, James!" He kept on giggling. "What'd I forget now?" James whined a bit. "You forgot you have to give me a bathe now! I am all `nee-ow' down there..." "Nee-ow?" Sakjai thought for a nano-second. "I don't know that word in English..." They both said it together: "Dictionary!" James saw the book over on his desk, and made a dash for it. He was back next to Sakjai in the blink of an eye. Sakjai ruffled quickly through the Thai-English half of the book. He found it right off. He then showed it to James, pointing to the correct exotic squiggles. James read the English part out loud. "Sticky. Adjective, as in sticky rice." He looked up at Sakjai and asked, "Nee-ow means sticky rice? I don't get it." Sakjai looked at the Thai word again. "No, `sticky rice' is just an example only. `Nee-ow' means sticky. I am `sticky' down there. It is getting more sticky, also!" And pointed to his cum-soaked lap, still smiling. He didn't seem shy about it at all! James was, all of a sudden, though. Shy, that is. "Oh. That. Sorry about that..." "James, why are you always sorry? I'm not sorry about it at all. I am GLAD!" "Right. Sorry..." "No more `sorry'! Play in the bath with me!" "With you? In the bath? Both of us?" "James! How can you give me a bath without being in it, also? You are very funny sometimes!" "Huh! Glad I can provide such high quality entertainment.... Sor...NO NO! Not sorry, ok?" "Good. Now the bath, please?" "Umm, Sakjai, I never did this before...I don't know if I can take my, umm, clothes off in front of you." And he blushed right to the roots of his curly brown hair. "James! You are shy? Really?" "Well, yeah. This isn't the same as ducking into the showers at school for about 15 seconds and hoping nobody sees me..." "But, I WANT to see you with no clothes! I want you to see me, the same!" He even surprised himself at how emphatic he was about it, how certain he felt. That was part of the new life being shown to him tonight. "But why?" Anxiously playing for time while he frantically scrambled around inside his mind. "Why not? You are strong and handsome! You are my James. I felt something hard already. I want to see it!" And he reached down between them and grabbed onto James's dick. It wasn't hard anymore. In fact, it seemed to try and shrivel inside James's body. He withdrew from the touch instinctively. But James tried to keep being honest. "Sakjai, what if I'm NOT all that? What if you see me and don't like what you see?" Sakjai tried to think about what James was saying, and contained his newly awakened impatience. "You think you are not handsome and strong? What DO you think?" "What if you think I'm ugly? And fat?" "Fat, James? Moment, please...dictionary..." And leafed through the book again. "Oh, sorry James. You look for this word fat, and show me in Thai." James sighed and said, "I can't believe we're talking about it like this..." But he manfully looked up the word. And showed it to Sakjai. "Oo-en. Oo-en, really? You think this about your body?" "Yeah, well...I'm not exactly thin, ya know..." And blushed again. "Yes, James, not thin for sure! I am too thin. But you are not, err... fat. Funny short word..." "But you're not too thin. You're perfect!" "Good, James. I am glad you think `too thin' is perfect! I am happy to believe you about that. So maybe you can believe me that you are perfect the same. Perfect for ME!" That was surely a novel idea. Other people had tried to tell him that he wasn't fat. They'd never gotten his attention like Sakjai had just done. "How many kilos do you have, James?" "Kilos? You mean how much do I weigh? I don't really know. What's a kilo?" "Oh. Sorry, James, I forgot America is one of the last places to start metric systems. You think in, err...pounds, is that it?" "Yeah, of course! What do ya mean, `...one of the last places...' about the metric thing? I was supposed to memorize that a couple years ago, but I didn't bother. Nobody else does!" "Hmmm. James, 1 kilogram is..." he began, leafing to the back of the dictionary and looking at a table of comparative weights and measures, "2.2 pounds for you. How many pounds do you have?" "2.2 pounds to one kilogram...That sounds like an odd number. Weird..." "How many pounds James? I have 68 kilos. I had to know this for my passport two months ago. That is the same as, err...(calculating in his head) 150 of your American pounds." "I must weigh MUCH more than that, Sakjai! But I always avoid weighing myself. It's going to be pretty bad news, I'm sure..." "Do you have a measuring machine in your house, James?" "You mean the scales?" Sakjai wasn't familiar with the word, but he simply nodded, trusting James. "Yeah, there's one in the bathroom...the hong-nahm, I mean. Why?" He was definitely trying to postpone and avoid by playing dumb! "Then now we will go find out how many pounds you have." And started getting off the bed, dragging James by the hand. James resisted. "What do ya mean? Weigh me right now? In front of you?" Sakjai kept pulling insistently on the arm, and James began to move off the bed despite himself. "Of course, James? What else?" "But..." He just gave in. He had only just begun to see the strength and certainty in Sakjai. Most of that had been hidden so far by the deep depression and resulting panic this afternoon. Only six hours ago, more or less. How that short amount of time had changed everything! Sakjai opened the door and led James out. James noticed the lights on in his parents' room. The door was shut, but the beam of light across the bottom and the sound of the TV was unmistakable. That made him even shyer, and he tried to hold back some more. But Sakjai kept them both moving towards the bathroom door; right next to the room they had just exited. "James, you worry again. I want to show you, on the, err...scales, that you are NOT `oo-en'. Not fat, I mean." "Oh God..." But now he wanted to get them out of the hallway, so close to his parents' room. What if they heard the conversation right now? He blushed just at the thought, and propelled Sakjai into the bathroom, shutting the door behind them and turning on the lights all in one move. Then he locked the door, and checked again to make sure it was secure. "James, where is the...Ah! I see it!" And started pulling James again. The scales were against the wall, between the toilet and the tub. It wasn't very far to pull the embarrassed American youth. Sakjai released James's hand, and stood in front of the scales. Then he thought for a second, and stripped off his shirt. It had still been all the way open down his front anyhow. Then he leaned over and removed his socks. James took a big breath and held it in. He watched Sakjai simply unbuckle his trousers and remove them, placing everything on the Formica surface separating the twin sinks. He stepped onto the scales, wearing only his dark blue bikini briefs. James stared at the vision unfolding itself before his eyes, and remembered to breathe. He was focused on those perfect buns, almost revealed just a couple of feet from him. He could have reached out and almost touched them. But he was also busily obsessing... "Oh God, oh God, oh GOD!" he cried out silently, "I can't get out of this..." James looked down at the scales beneath him, where the digital read-out shined red against the surrounding black outline. "Ah! Yes, James, I am correct about remembering this. Come, have a look..." And reached behind him for James's hand without looking behind himself. James could simply think of no other reasonable response than just to take the hand and move forward. His heart was racing, and beads of sweat were starting to moisten his beet red face. He tried to gulp a lung full of air as he stepped up beside Sakjai and looked down to the place the Thai boy was pointing, rather than focusing on the sopping bulge in the front of those tight bikini briefs. Oddly, he found himself thinking, "J-Press undies? That's what it says right on the front. `J-Press'. Never heard of those..." "See, James? 1-5-0 pounds, chai mai?" He had no idea how panicked James was feeling. "Chai..." James murmured, his thoughts racing to the inevitable horror looming in his immediate future. "Ok, James. Now you!" And with that, he stepped backwards off the scales, making inviting motions as he did. James didn't move. Well, he was rooted to the spot, actually. Sakjai looked into James's face for the first time since they'd entered the bathroom together. He could see the terror in those brown eyes he was coming to love so much. "What, James?" Nothing. Not a squeak escaped the American boy's frozen lips. "James, are you worrying again? Stop, please. You will see something good now. I promise." And with his head tilted delightfully to the left, as he so often did, he pointed at the scales again, eyebrows raised. James heaved another great gulp of air and moved ponderously toward the scales, as if he was headed to the hangman's noose instead. "Wait! Shirt off first!" James's eyes bulged out as he pleaded silently. Oh shit, oh God, oh fuck... Sakjai nodded and said, "No shirt, no trousers, no socks, the same as me. Do this for me, please." James looked defeated. He tried to fold in on himself as he pulled his tee shirt off over his head. He held it in front of his body, feeling naked already. "Good! I can see more of my James, now!" Then, more softly, he said, "Everything the same as me, James. Hold onto me in your heart. Like I held onto you in the street before." "Ooohhh..." It was a moan, but along with it, his socks came off. He didn't know what to do with them, and he still had his shirt in his hand. He eventually put everything on top of the pile of Sakjai's outer clothing. He looked down at his naked belly, and blinked. Then, without raising his eyes from the floor at his feet, he slowly unbuckled his belt, opened the snap on his Levi's, and pulled the zipper down by pushing and separating the two halves apart. His arms fell to his sides like dead weight. His pants fell around his lower legs by virtue of their own weight and the force of gravity. (Thank God today is a boxers day. This isn't as bad as it could be...). And he looked up at Sakjai, who now seemed something like an implacable nemesis. "James! Sooo handsome! Now, up..." and made a gesture for James to step onto the scales. (God, I'm begging to you here...). But he couldn't avoid it. Like a deer staring into the headlights of an on-coming car, James focused intensely on Sakjai's face while he stepped backwards onto the scales. He didn't want to look, so he didn't even bother to face the right way to see the numbers glowing red down below. Sakjai sighed and came up beside James, putting one hand lightly on James's shoulder. He was trying to be re-assuring. But James went rigid under the touch. "James, stand still please...Thank you." Sakjai leaned over a little and glanced down at the read-out. Then he smiled triumphantly, and said, "Look!" James blinked and looked Sakjai in the face again, not daring to glance downward at all. "Look at the numbers!" "I can't...you tell me. How bad is it?" "James...you must see for yourself to believe me...!" His voice was almost a whisper, but it was amazingly intense. The frightened boy tried to look backwards and down, but it was too much of a twist for his body to achieve. He nearly toppled over, and grabbed onto Sakjai. He straightened up and turned himself towards the wall. He looked down. He read the numbers. Then he blinked and said, "That can't be right!" "It's correct James. It weighed...Weighed? Yes, that's the word. It weighed me perfect. What does the scales say? Tell me out loud, please. You must believe this." So James did. "1-5-9..." "Yes, James, I am a little bit taller, so I am also thinner. But, look! You have only 9 more pounds than I do. That is NOT fat!" "But Sakjai...how can this be? How tall are you, anyway?" "I am," he began, calculating rapidly in his head from centimeters, "5 feet, 10 « inches tall. And you?" "Five foot, nine inches." He whispered it, but there was awe in his tone. He was beginning to see it. "Yes, James! I am a little bit taller, so I am also thinner. But, look! You have only nine more pounds than I do. This is NOT fat!" "I'm not fat...Jesus Christ. But why...?" "I don't care WHY you think you were fat. But you are worrying about nothing. Chai mai?" "Chai..." And he stepped backwards off the scales, looking down at himself. Substantial, but not really even plump. Sort of...normal...Normal? Me? He looked back up at Sakjai and lop-sidedly tried to smile. But he was kind of in shock. The famous Thai smile erupted from Sakjai's face. From his whole body, really. Then he began to look concerned. "You are hot, James? Look, all the water on your face. What is the English word please?" "Sweat..." He said it automatically, with no real feeling to it. "Sweat. Yes, thank you. You look hot and very tired. I will give you a bath first, before me. You need to cool off and relax." "Me? Bath? But..." "No `buts' James. Show me about the water, please." Certain as a rock. And so he was shown the water lever and the temperature controls. He put the plug down and started to fill the tub. "Not too hot, not too cold..." Murmuring to himself. He turned to look up at James, who was simply standing and staring, panicking again. "Ok, James, into the water." As he attempted to comply, Sakjai stopped him with one hand on his belly. A little rounded, perhaps, but not fat. "James, the keng nai..." "Huh?" "Shorts, James. Off!" (Oh shit...what the hell am I supposed to do now...?) He couldn't raise his arms to do it. So, of course, Sakjai helped him. Just pulled the boxers down. And James stepped out of them. He couldn't even cover himself down there. It would have been far too obvious! Naturally, Sakjai looked. It was all just about at the level of his face, anyhow. It wasn't as though he had to look closely. He was close already! "Very good! You are not cut. The same as me. I thought Americans were cut usually...?" "My Dad says it's better to leave everything natural like that. There aren't many like me. I always thought that was weird. Kids used to laugh at me when I was younger. Now I just don't let them look..." "Natural. Yes, I understand that. I think the same. Only Muslims in Thailand are cut. For their religion. I'm glad yours is the same as me. See?" He abruptly stood up and shucked his blue briefs, just like that. And they stood looking at each other, naked. Even in his most torrid jerk off fantasies, James had never imagined anything like this. He looked downwards, too, of course. He had to. James murmured, "It's beautiful..." "Beautiful? Really? Yours is bigger. No, not more long, alai wah...more,err... big, like this..." The word escaped him, so he made a circle with his thumb and forefinger, widening the size of the hole he was making as an example of what he meant. "What is the word for bigger, but not longer?" "Umm, maybe `thicker' or something?" "Perfect! Yes. We are about the same size, but yours is thicker." Then he reached out and took it gently into his hand. Sakjai's touch felt warm and safe. He wasn't shy anymore. No, that wasn't quite right. He was still shy. But his whole nervous system and the new experiences he was dealing with all made some circuit breaker sort of shut down. He never expected the touch of a beautiful boy's hand on his dick to be just `safe and warm'. He would have predicted that this scenario would feel incredibly sexy. He looked down at his penis in the hand of his new love, sort of as an observer, like it was in a movie he was watching. It didn't tingle with sexuality; it didn't make him hard. And what had Sakjai just said? Something about being `about the same size'? He looked at Sakjai's cock. It wasn't small. He looked back at his own, more objectively. For the first time ever. His was truly about the same length. More or less. But Sakjai's was NOT small. Therefore, what? His thoughts struggled to continue despite the hazy fog of being emotionally overloaded. Therefore...HIS wasn't short, either. And it did look thicker than Sakjai's. (So...I'm not really fat. He doesn't think I'm ugly, and he's seen all of me, now. What if I'm not really fat and ugly? What if I don't really have a tiny little dick? What if I'm sort of... normal?) If it's possible to become more stunned than he already was, that's what James was feeling. He reached out, ever so tentatively, and touched Sakjai's penis. Felt it all over. It twitched and began to rise up. The Thai boy giggled, and thrust his hips out a bit, giving James better access. "See, James? Ewww...very sticky! But I think he likes you! Look, it's getting strong again. I never had this before, strong two times in one day. I like it!" James could feel his own dick being squeezed and fondled. It felt good. But it didn't cause any sexual tingles. His penis stayed in its flaccid state. That continued to surprise him. Sakjai said, "Oh, so I am now strong again, but you are not? Maybe you awk nahm boy-boy wanee lao?" James blinked as he tried to focus. "James, teach me these words please. Awk nahm...make sticky water...?" "Oh. Cum." "Really? Come here, come there, come everywhere!" He laughed, then said it again. "Cum. Ok. Boy-boy means `often', maybe similar to `many times'. Wanee...today. Lao means already. You see? Maybe you cum many times today already. No prom-plem! It will be strong again when it's rested enough. Bath now! Into the water please..." As James stepped into the tub and sank into the warm water lapping around him, Sakjai soaped his hands and moved them everywhere, all over James's body. Cleaning, yes, but also just luxuriating in the opportunity to stroke and fondle every inch of James's body, from the top of his curly brown head all the way to the bottoms of his feet. James simply responded to the prompts of his new love, moving this way and that, holding up an arm, then a leg, as he was caressed smoothly and softly all over. He liked it. He loved it. It felt amazing. Nobody had ever touched him like this. Well, not since he was still in the diaper stage and in that baby bath they still had somewhere in the basement, gathering dust. But at the same time, he was still wondering why he didn't have a hard on. And, of course, he began worrying about that new thought. Right about that time, he found himself totally squeaky clean and rinsed off, his wet skin gleaming in the lights around them. Sakjai said, "Good. Now me." And scrunched down into the water facing James, their naked legs entangled between them. "Never mind James, you relax. I can wash myself. You just enjoy looking, ok?" He smiled, he leered, and he preened as he washed himself. Especially when he washed his still erect member. He got onto his knees between James's legs as he washed that particular area. James was indeed watching every move. But he also focused on the fact that there wasn't a twitch from between his legs. And he had NOT cum many times today. In fact, he had done it only the one time, this morning. So it was already less than usual today, and he'd been sooo excited before, as he pleasured Sakjai. Why was that? Sakjai was still rubbing himself in the crotch. Way more than clean. Now he was also enjoying doing it for the benefit of James's rapt attention. Then he said, "See, James? Look...!" And he held his hard-on up against his stomach, cupping his nads in the other hand. It was actually a single nad, so to speak Not gonads, plural... "See, James, I have only one egg." James looked closer, and sure enough, there was only one testicle in the otherwise normal-sized ballsack. Huh. James had never seen only one like that before. "What happened to the other one, Sakjai? Did it hurt?" Sakjai giggled and toyed with his genitals, saying, "No, never hurt. The doctor told my mother one time that the other one is up inside me somewhere, and won't ever come down. I could never find it." He was probing into the sides of his groin, obviously not hurting himself, or worrying either. His hard-on stayed, well, ...hard. Then the Thai boy added with a wicked grin, "But I think everything works fine, chai mai?" James found himself smiling despite his emotional exhaustion. "Yeah, there doesn't seem to be any prom-plem with that...!" Smiling like that seemed to help him break through his emotional stupor. Then, encouraged by that, James had another thought. "Sakjai, what's the Thai word for `one'?" "Neung, James. Why?" A lazy grin spread over James's face, and he asked, "Wanna have a new nickname for yourself?" "A new nickname? I never used a nickname before. Nobody ever thought of one for me, so I never think about it for myself. What new nickname do you choose for me, James?" "Neung." "Neung? Oh...! Neung! I understand! One egg, nicknamed Neung! I like it!" Actually, he seemed delighted and energized even further! "This is really a Thai nickname, too! Many Thai boys have the nickname Neung. Maybe because they are born first, maybe because his mother wanted him to be `Number One' in everything. I never thought of this. Neung! It's a good nickname. Thank you, James... Again, you give me something else wonderful. Sooo many times today." And lowered himself carefully into a hug, not wanting to slip and fall too heavily on James as he sloshed beneath him. Their arms and legs wrapped around each other the best they could in that position. Water lapped out of the tub in little waves, and then was quiet again. James could feel the entire naked length of the Thai boy sliding around on top of him. Sakjai's erection was rubbing James's crotch, so James opened his thighs enough to allow it to poke between his legs, under his balls. He grabbed Sakjai's---no, Neung's---perfect buns and squeezed. There was a contented groan from Neung. "Oh, James. This is sooo perfect. Everything." James wondered again why he didn't have a raging hard-on. But he made an affirmative "Mmmm..." sound. They made squidgy noises as the water moved them gently around, rubbing them together in all the right places. Neung's hard-on pulsed with pleasure, but he said, "James, the water is getting cold now. Maybe better we go back to the bed. I can give you a Thai massage. It will help you sleep. I know how. Easy for me!" They managed to exit the tub without killing themselves or each other. James opened the drain plug, and showed Neung where the towels were, in the cupboard by the entrance. They were huge and fluffy, and smelled like sunshine on newly mown grass. Neung dried James, and then himself. James didn't have to lift a finger, except when Neung moved something to dry it. It was all slow, loving and gentle. Neung wanted to begin giving back to the one person who had been his salvation today. He realized again that if it hadn't been for James, he would most likely be dead already. The Thai youth blinked tears away. He then wrapped the bath sheets around each of them, securing them snugly with a simple twist that James had never seen before. Then Neung gathered all their clothes into one big bundle, and opened the bathroom door. They started to move quietly towards their bedroom, naked except for their towels. As they got there, they saw Paul standing in the doorway of the Master suite. Quietly, just standing there, and trying to look casual at the same time. "Everything ok, boys?" James was struck dumb again, but Sakjai didn't notice. He was that eager to let his enthusiasm burst out. "Oh, Khun Paul! Everything is perfect! I have a new nickname. I am now Neung. In Thai language, that means `Number One'. I am Number One for my James! How are YOU, Khun Paul?" And the youth's head cocked over a little to the left, as it tended to do. James's Dad had never heard the Thai youth say so much all at once, let alone with such gusto. It flustered him a little. He also tried not to let his gaze wander too visibly to the manner in which the two were tucked into each other as Sakjai spoke. They seemed so much like one unit! They belonged together, like a matched set. He was astonished to see it this plainly now. He wondered how he could possibly have been uncertain about what these two star-struck lovers were doing. But then he mustered his wits and said, "Umm, good. I'm good. Neung? Neung. Ok, I'll tell James's mother, too. She's asleep already, though." "Oh! Sorry!" The Thai's voice lowered to a fierce whisper. "We will sleep now, too, then, Khun Paul. Chai mai, James?" James just depended on his new friend, and said, "Chai. G'night, Dad... See you in the morning." And with that, Sakjai led them into their room. THEIR room, Paul noticed how he'd just thought that phrase. As the door shut behind them, Paul scratched his head and muttered, "Jesus...umm..." Then a little louder, so he would be heard through the closed door, "Sleep well, boys!" As he shut his and Alison's door for the night, he could have been heard (if anybody had actually been there at the time) speaking quietly to himself, "What a day. What'll happen tomorrow, I wonder?" End of Part 10 "Holding On For Dear Life" alienist@yahoo.com "Alienist" was the first professional term used for psychiatrists and psychologists in the 1890's. These pioneering scientists were thought to be working with people who were `alienated' from themselves and from society. Pretty good term still today, I think. What do YOU think? Please join my Listbot notification service. You'll get updates from me about new chapters in the life of James and Neung. And at least one VERY big surprise coming in the next month! Not just about HOFDL, either! I always try to be up to something or other, don't I? Do join in! Simply send a blank email to alienist-subscribe@listbot.com and an automatic response will be sent to you. After you reply to that, as the very simple instructions will tell you, you're on the inside here in Alienist territory. I enjoy making new friends. Please feel free to share your thoughts about this Anniversary chapter, too! I keep saying that, don't I? Thanks again!