These events occurred somewhere in a place I've been.
A place where time passes dreamily. A place where our heart's desires are
fulfilled. Where every yearning heart is held and kept and lifted up in
loving embrace. Please play safe and be kind to yourselves and to one-another.
Our community always felt like a small town. In truth, it is a semi-rural enclave on the outskirts of a large northern city. But it is one of those places that people don't seem to move away from. Or they do, but only for a while, and then they're back again. Our parents and grandparents came here and put down roots -- and boy, what roots! Most of the people in this story still live in the same houses, these grand old cozy big homes that once rang out with the shouts of their parents' voices as children. Grandma's cooking smells are still there, in the walls somewhere, if your nose is keen enough.
Anyway, a few years have passed -- not a lot -- and some of us have moved away. But the place just keeps drawing us back. Some to raise a family, some to heal. And I still see these people in the course of a day and often we have a moment to stop, perhaps to touch, and to look each other in the face and smile, remembering how we were.
I was lying on the sand spit watching Brand sleep. After that tape, he'd been a total space case. I'd let him drive the SeaDoo, because he didn't have the focus to stay upright on that piece of crap I was riding. Too tippy. As soon as we got here, he'd passed out in the shade of one of the three scraggly coconut palms. He was breathing softly, his mouth adorably slack, his face a vision of boyish peace.
I, on the other hand, had the pleasure of shooing the sand fleas off him, before they could bite. The fine hairs of his body stood stiff with salt, white against his healing sunburn, their fineness accentuating the freshness of his youth
There was something about Brand's lips. The fine lines so perfect. The color so vital, so... boy-sexy. His whole mouth so perfect, so hard to refrain from kissing.
Just lying there horny, admiring the perfection of his mouth and face. My lust was rising, keening, cloaking me in a cloying cloud of sweet torment.
Feeling a little guilty, I leaned in and held just barely short of kissing his lips. Breathed his breath. My dick was almost fizzing. But he looked so peaceful. I knew that hearing the tape had torn him a new one, totally worn him out. I knew he missed his daddy so, longed for him. That he needed this sleep to heal.
But I was so terribly horny. Buzzing with tenderness. Drawn to him, magnetically. So cute! My insides melted and flowed. Heavy-lidded, I admired the lines of his lips as they turned up, ever so slightly, at the corners. The last of that childish fullness of cheek, the down of his upper lip, his sweet, sweet breath. The little curl of the hair behind his ear, as it lay against the smooth tanned skin of his neck. Unnh!
For some reason, beyond the din of desire from my penis, from the pit of my stomach, my butt hole was starting to feel -- I don't know -- lonely? Empty? All I know is that, suddenly, I wanted him there. Now. Almost hungry.
I wanted to moan. I wanted him to be inside of me, to be kissing me. I wanted to feel the power of his teen maleness from this new perspective, suddenly. To watch his tender chest, his perfect boy tits as he entered me, entered me, entered me... My hole twinged, pulsed, longed for him.
I was in a fantasy: Brand was older, had sleek and greying hair, a light sprinkling of salt and pepper upon his chest. And he was in me, in me, in me, moving so gently, so sweetly. In me deep and sweet and tender and filling me with love and so hard... so hard. In me big and hot, filling me, stretching me, raising me, touching me. The hugeness of his loving dick deep, deep inside me, filling me with burning, burning sweetness. I was open for him, skewered with his sweetness, feeling him enter, enter, deeper, deeper, gliding toward the core of my soul, almost about to touch it. Getting ready to short-circuit my soul. Feeling the sweetness of his love, his acceptance, the power of his manhood, his tenderness, his body pressing, pressing, pressing against mine as he bottomed out against me, as I pressed my tight, hungry nuts against his soft, cool tummy, as he kissed me one more time and we came, trembling, together.
My ears were ringing and my dick pulsing, pulsing, my lust shaking me like a dog. Did I just hear myself whine?
So I didn't hear him waken, didn't expect to feel his hands in my hair as he woke me, almost ready to complete the kiss. As I stirred and felt his lips make contact, as I felt my heart leap and drank his sweet breath and felt his hand enter my trunks. As he cupped me and whispered, "Derek... Oh, God, I love you!"
I saw that his eyes were wet. He kissed me and we drank his tears as one.
"Brand. Baby! I want you inside of me. I want to feel you inside."
"Ummm," Rubbing his wondrous bulge against my hip. "I would like that."
"Could we use the Coppertone?"
"Not on the beach, baby. I love you. I want to feel you too. But not on the beach."
"Fucking sand," I whimpered.
"I could suck you." Sliding his fingers to encircle my sack, between the nuts and the body.
"EEeenh!" I moaned. "I'm so horny, I want to throw up."
"I love you," he murmured, kissing my lips. Drowning me.
My eyes almost rolled up into my head, as I pulled him up, grasping his head in my hands, pulling our crotches together with my legs. "Ummh." There was a singing sensation in the center of my skull. Then a dull explosion and colors, as I lost contact with the outside. As I seemed to slide into his body, to merge with him in a crescendo of trembling sweetness.
The shivers took me and I felt a chill.
"God," I said, pushing him and following to roll on top of him, "If I don't come, I think I'll go crazy."
He tickled my palm, sending a convulsive shiver up my spine. My face and the hairs of one arm burned, as my hole twitched and I pressed my nuts into his belly.
"Come, let me suck you," he breathed, pulling my suit aside. Pulling me up to enter his mouth. Pulling me down on all fours, to thrust gently, gently, tenderly, involuntarily, into the paralyzing sweetness of his mouth. Starting so very, very tenderly, building, building, making me cry out as he cupped my balls and touched my hole. Sent me screaming over the edge, moaning, moaning, moaning.
"Fucking Jee-Sus! Jesus! Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Ahhhhh-unh! Whew! ...Whew... ...Mammy!
"Mammy! MAM-MEE! Land o' Goshen!"
"That's fucked!" he laughed, "Where did you get THAT?"
"Ummm. Bobsey Twins. The maid. 'Lan' sakes, chile! Dat wuz one powafuh come, young mistuh Bran', mos' powafuh!' "
"Shee! I think you came a quart, kiddo. Jeeze, look at this!"
"Jizz. Aaah! My nuts ache, that was so strong."
"Day-um, I'm good," he smiled.
"No shitski! Whew... You know what was weird?"
"What 'weird' ?"
"WHAT? What was weird?
"Oh... The noises you were making... No! Don't blush like that: come on. It's... just listen for a sec. What was weird is that I could tell exactly what you were feeling. I could feel it! It was totally cool. It was like I could feel it all through you, exactly. I feel like I had your orgasm."
"Yeah. I felt that too. Kinda like there was... like there were two bodies and we both kind of overlapped them or something."
"Or something," said Brand, kissing me again. Making me horny inside, though there was no way my body could participate in the slightest.
"You want me to...?"
"No, not if you are serious about wanting me inside. Let me save it. I want you so bad. I've wanted this for months."
"Why didn't you just ask?"
"Cuz I was enjoying myself -- enjoying you. Enjoying loving you," his voice rising, catching, "Enjoying falling in love with you. Enjoying the closeness of you." He sniffled, his voice a crying, now.
"I have to cry. I have to cry. There is no... I... the... this... my body has no... there's no way it can... hold what I'm feeling. Contain it, express it. I... all it knows how to do is cry about it."
"I love you so much, Brand." Drawing him down for a trembling kiss. Stretching, jerkily. Feeling suddenly free. Laughing with the joy of it.
"Now, let me kick your ass on the fuckin' jet skis!" I smirked.
"Bull SHIT! You just try!"
"I don't know. I don't know if I want to go any deeper into this. Now I'm wanting him in my ass," I blushed.
"You don't know if you... Hmm... I dunno, did somebody say you had some kind of a choice?" asked Jake.
Brand and I had had the splash war from hell. I found a trick where you go medium-fast and do this extreme turn and sort of jump and flip the ski around stern first. When it hits, it buries itself backward and almost goes under. You just keep full power and you come rocketing back out of the water at about a 45, going in the opposite direction.
Well, just as it enters backward -- if you hit just right -- it throws up this huge, thick -- like 2 inches thick -- wall of water. (Right onto Brand, naturally! Hey, he sprayed all that dirt on me with his BMX bike, didn't he?).
When we got back, he and John went into Christiansted to get pizza. Jake and I were... well... I guess we were just getting to know one another, but I found myself telling him all this stuff.
I could see what Dad saw in him. He was a big guy. Gentle. Brown hair and eyes. And seriously cute, in some mysterious way. I mean, he looked nice and all: about 9 years younger than Dad. Smooth and quite masculine. In fact very masculine. Big. Safe. Deeply boyish, somehow. But there was a warmness about him. Beautiful warm golden brown eyes. I found myself trusting him with my deep feelings. You just knew he understood. That he cared. I guess he came within a few days of becoming a priest, a few years ago. He would have made a damn good one.
"I mean, so do you think you'll ever have the urge to try sex with a girl?"
"I have." His eyebrows shot up. "Brand has, too. It was... it was nice. I liked her. I still like her. A-and it... well... it sure feels good," I grinned, "But... with Brand..."
I found myself tearing up. I found myself quite unashamed, with Jake. In fact, my heart felt free as I said, " ... with Brand... I could lose my soul in him, Jake. It's almost spooky."
"It's not spooky, Derek. Or maybe it is, but it's love. Love in capital letters. Love in blazing letters of fire. Huge and powerful and tender and terrifying and uplifting and tormenting and exalting and... You two boys are so very, very fortunate... So very special.
"It takes a... almost a talent... to find a love like that, Derek. Not everyone has the... uh... the 'emotional talent,' you could say. Your daddy does. I dread the day he leaves to go back to your mother."
"Do you think he will?"
"Absolutely. Absolutely, Derek. I'm sure of it. John gave his heart. Twice. He gave it to Brand's daddy, from the time they were toddlers. But he and your mom are one. More than any other man and woman I think I've ever met."
"You've met Mom?"
"Only over the phone. And through your dad's eyes. But I'm a decent student of people, Derek. And of hearts. And these are deeply 'talented' hearts, my friend. You were brought up well -- by very, very emotionally sane people. By deeply sweet folks who have kept their innocence. Who have remained uncorrupted in their deepest place. Who have met and... melded there. It's hard to explain."
"I... It's happened to me. Jake." I felt the tears start, then stop, and a huge chill shook me, "I've touched Brand's soul. I've lost myself in him. I've... come back from... there... a different... just different. Partly him. I've never actually discussed it with him, but I just know... "
"He used almost exactly the same words."
"Whoa!" I beamed, through tears.
"Derek, love isn't an endocrine state. I don't believe, anyway. It's a... a Fundamental. A basic... What? Element-of-the-fabric-of-the-universe? Am I saying it right? It's bigger than time. It reaches across. It makes us more than ourselves. It's why I believe in a God. A... a... Something like that doesn't just happen, Derek."
There was a long pause, with both of us off, somewhere.
"Anyway, you can take that or leave it -- my take on it -- but," and he raised his right hand, "I testify in the name of... in the... I'm telling you that if you never take another single bit of advice that anyone ever gives you, Derek... You cherish and nurture what you have, there. It will change. It will ebb and flow and grow. But it is the life's blood of your... it is... it's the essence of what is good and whole and... and holy, in you.
"If you ask me, it's what you were put here for. What we were all put here for: so a few talented souls could make it to the Temple and gladden the heart of the Almighty. Show Him that somebody gets it. That all his work and his sacrifice and suffering didn't just go so some asshole can give out parking tickets, or shoplift, or yell at his kids."
"I dunno... I don't want to put some kind of burden on you, Derek. After all, young hearts were made to be light. But all too often they are careless hearts. And they throw away the pearl of greatest price. The golden essence of their existence to... for... out of... I don't know. It just takes my breath away, the tragedy of those careless hearts. Mark my words: you have something that is beyond value. Cherish it. Nurture it. Respect it. Know that you do not own it. It is bigger than you. Maybe it is... in the grand scheme of things, maybe it is more important than you, too.
"Gee, I sure do carry on, don't I?"
"I had sensed... all that, Jake. I'm just... " the tears were going again, "... so very... 'Lucky' just seems like such a cheap word."
"I'm afraid the word is 'chosen.' "
There was a thump, against the hull.
"Here they come."
To you. You know who you are. You saved me, gave life back to me. You will be here in my heart every moment of every day, always.
I intend to answer any messages received. Flames... are simply irrelevant.