Date: Wed, 3 Feb 1999 03:49:28 EST From: Phaedrus57@aol.com Subject: Isle of Refuge 3--tt/bb, consensual, Young Friends Sorry for my delay in posting this chapter. I've been traveling and had limited computer and internet access. Much of this chapter was written in The Netherlands, the promised land of gay people. Although I had responsibilities on this trip which prevented me from exploring the gay possibilities of that great country, I hope I can return sometime for a "private" visit. Caveat: This is a story of love and adventure among a group of teenaged boys. It contains scenes of sexual activities between boys. If this offends you, do not read the story. Please go to some other site. If the laws of your country or locality say that it is illegal for you to read this type of story (i.e. that you are too young to have erotic thoughts or sexual questions and your innocent little mind shouldn't entertain such possibilities as are portrayed in this story), you should obey the law. If you read this story nevertheless, don't get caught! Hide your downloads and delete your history. For obvious reasons, the characters in this story do not practice safe sex. Remember that they are fictional products of my fevered imagination, but the dangers of unprotected sex are real. In this respect, I hope that readers will not follow their example. Enjoy the story, which will go on for many chapters. I hope that it will appeal to your minds and hearts. It isn't primarily a sex story, although it has its erotic moments. Comments are welcome and strongly requested. Flames will be ignored. E-mail me at phaedrus57@aol.com. I should have said this earlier, but this story is dedicated to the memory of my beloved foster son David, who died of AIDS in 1992, a week before his twenty-ninth birthday. Isle of Refuge Chapter IV: A Burial and Some Beginnings Tommy chose Chris's burial place. It was a hillock near the falls and across the pool from the campsite, from the top of which there was a view of the open sea to the west. "It's a kewl place. You can see the sunset and hear the falls and watch us play in the water. Chris will be happy there: it'll be like he's still with us!" Tommy said enthusiastically. His bright optimism and high spirits had quickly returned after he and Miguel had cried out their grief for Chris while clinging tightly to each other. Richard had fallen into an exhausted sleep in Kevin's arms. The other boys had gradually calmed down, although most still had somber faces. While Richard was still sleeping, Kevin dispatched Joey, Terry, and Angelo to gather fruit for lunch, although most of the boys did not feel much like eating. After lunch, Kevin took all of the boys except Francois across the pool to the gravesite to begin digging a grave. Everyone agreed that Tommy had chosen a good place. With only the two entrenching tools salvaged from the Venture, however, the task of digging took the boys several hours in the afternoon heat, and the sun was low in the sky when they finished. Richard had awoken by mid-afternoon and learning from Francois where the others had gone, waded across the pool to help out. He was greeted with a hug from Kevin. "We've got this under control, bro. Only two or three of us can work at the same time, and everyone else has to rest. But, do you know that right stuff to say for, like, a funeral? We can't just, like, dump Chris in the ground. There's no priest, and Chris wasn't Catholic anyway," Kevin said. "My family didn't take me to church very much, but I went to Chapel at school. But I think what we say has to come from our hearts. I'll think about what to say, and others can join in if they want to," Richard replied. While the other boys took turns digging, Richard and Kevin waded back across the pool and stitched together the edges of the sailcloth in which they had wrapped Chris's body. The sun was setting when Richard called everyone together to carry Chris carefully across the pool to the gravesite. Mike helped Francois up the bank to join them. They lowered the sail-shrouded body slowly into the grave. The boys stood or sat quietly looking at the sunset blazing red on the distant horizon, reflected in the restless waters of the broad sea. Stars began to appear in their constellations in the vast darkening sky. Richard said, "I don't know much about praying, or God, or death, but I know that they are all connected somehow. We need to say goodbye to Chris and express the pain we feel at losing him. We know that life is precious and that it can be taken from any of us, anytime, as it was from Chris. Knowing that may scare us, but it also should make us value each moment of life more, and cherish those we love every second that we're with them. Chris faced his own death with amazing strength and courage. He knew early this morning that he was going to die. He was scared, but he accepted it. He didn't whine or complain. He wouldn't let me give him morphine this morning, because he didn't want to miss being with us to the end. The last thing he said was that we were the best family he'd ever had. I hope that we can always live up to that. "Chris was born in Vietnam. When he was a little boy, his parents decided to risk everything and escape by boat so that they could all have a better life in America. Pirates attacked their boat and Chris's parents died trying to defend him. Chris was rescued and brought to America to live with his aunt and uncle, who didn't care much about him. Chris came on the Venture because his school guidance counselor was afraid he'd be drawn into one of the gangs that lots of Vietnamese kids join. Chris hated violence. He didn't want to hurt or scare people. But he was alone in the world and didn't have anything to hang onto. "The last thing Captain Tucker did before he was swept overboard in the storm was to lift the mast that Chris was pinned under so that he would have a chance to survive. Did Captain Tucker sacrifice his life for nothing? Does Chris's death make the Captain's death meaningless? I don't think so. I think that what makes anyone's life mean something isn't how long he hangs onto it, but how he spends it, his willingness to give it for the people he loves. Captain Tucker loved us and would have risked his life for any of us. That was the kind of man he was, and that's why we admired him. Would Chris's parents have acted differently if that had known he would die at 14? I don't think so, because their actions showed that they truly loved him. They must have had dreams for him, but they loved him for himself, not for their dreams. We tried and failed to save Chris's life, but it was worth it, because we did all we could, and at least he didn't suffer and die alone. Sometimes it isn't the results that count, but doing what we know is right without knowing how it will turn out. "I have to struggle not to feel that I failed because Chris died. But I have to accept that I can't control everything. I want you all to feel safe and loved, but I can't protect you from every danger. I'm not so big and powerful that I can give you everything you need. But I don't have to do that. Among us we have enough love and brains to take care of ourselves and each other. Whatever fate brought us here gave all of us except Chris a chance to live and grow up, and love, and be strong and brave, and prove ourselves. We have to hope that fate, or God, or whatever you want to call it, won't turn its back on us. "I think we should pray now, for Chris and for ourselves. I haven't spent much time in church, so some of you know more about this than I do. But I guess the important thing is that prayers come from our hearts. If anyone feels like it, help me out." Richard paused to collect himself. The other boys were very quiet, gazing up at the numberless stars that now sparkled in the clear, endless sky. The moon was rising, illuminating Chris's still open grave with its pale light. They were awed by the nearness of death, the vastness of the sky and sea, and their own smallness and vulnerability, alone on a tiny spot of earth adrift in an endless universe. Instinctively they drew closer together, seeking comfort in each other's warmth. Tommy put his arms around Richard's neck and laid his head on his chest. Kevin and Miguel, standing on either side of Richard, each put an arm across Richard's shoulders and pulled himself close to him. Francois, sitting on the ground, was surprised to find Mike's arm around him, but he quickly reciprocated. Terry, Angelo, and Joey knelt, embracing each other firmly. Richard began, "God, whoever you are, wherever you are, we hope you hear us. We don't understand why you took our brother Chris from us. We hope that you know what is best, and we give him to you now with all our hearts. We hope that you will bring him to a place where there is no pain, or fear, or loneliness. We hope that he can see his parents again, and live with them forever in perfect happiness and love. We hope that he can know you and you can know him completely. We loved him and tried to take care of him. We hope that you can love him perfectly, and heal him, and keep him safe. "Chris didn't get much of a chance at life, but he was a good person. He had a good heart. He was brave, and loyal, and loving. We hope that those are the things that count for you, God, and that his life with you will give him all the happiness that his life in the world didn't. "We're just a bunch of boys who washed up on this little island. Keep us safe. Help us to love each other, to be the best and most caring brothers we can be, to put each other's needs above our own. I'm the oldest. Help me be strong and know the right thing to do. We don't know why you put us here; we hope that someday we will know. Meanwhile help us be happy! Help us be good! Our lives are in your hands, God! Amen." After a few moments of silence, Tommy spoke up. "God, remember that Chris is just a kid. He may be naughty, or make too much noise, or laugh when he shouldn't, or forget what he's s'posed to do. Please forgive him and don't get mad. If he gets in trouble and you have to punish him, give him a big hug afterwards so he knows its okay and you still love him. You understand about kids, don'cha, God? I hope so, `cause we're kids, and we're not l'il angels, and we need you a lot! "And take care of Richard, `cause he's trying to take care of us, and that ain't easy! He's only 16, but he's kind, and smart, and good. He's our big brother and I don't know what we'd do without him. So keep him safe! Thanks for listening, God! Amen." Tears in his eyes, although he hadn't thought he had any left, Richard held Tommy ver close and kissed him. Then to his surprise he heard Mike's high, clear tenor voice, perfectly on key, sing: "Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit." Francois' bass joined in, an octave lower: "As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, World without end. Amen." After a moment's pause, Mike began to pray, joined by others remembering as best they could: "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy will be done, thy kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven..." When they had finished, Richard said, "Now we have to say goodbye to Chris." He took a handful of dirt and tossed it onto Chris's burial shroud. The others followed suit. Despite the darkness, Kevin and Mike began to fill in the grave. With everyone taking a turn, the grave was soon a mound of newly turned earth. "Tomorrow I'll make a marker for Chris," Mike offered. The boys were quiet as Richard and Kevin led them to the pool. Richard said, "Let's get cleaned up and ready for bed." As the boys bathed and swam in the moonlight, the gloom and tension of the long day began to dissipate. In a few minutes they were laughing, splashing, and tackling each other. For the moment they were playful young boys again. When they were tired they gathered at the campsite to dry off in the warm air of the soft tropical night. Mike, who had served all day as Francois' `crutch', turned to him after helping him out of the water and said, "Do you wanna sleep in my hammock tonight? I'll help ya get in and out." "Yeah, but not if you're gonna keep those funky boxers on. They're startin' to smell!" Francois replied. "Okay, you're right! I'll take `em off and hang `em up to dry," Mike said. "C'mon, let's go!" He helped Francois into the hammock and added, "Tomorrow I'm gonna make you some crutches." Mike wasn't sure why he had invited Francois to share his hammock and agreed to sleep naked beside him. Perhaps he felt an affinity for him because they had both had strict Catholic upbringings. They had both been altar boys and knew most of the Mass by heart. But more than that, he felt a strange longing to touch this tall handsome black boy, to stroke his tightly curled black hair, muscular torso, and satiny smooth skin. Even on the Venture his sleep had sometimes been troubled by dreams of being close to the Haitian boy, dreams which stopped just short of sexual intimacy, dreams from which he awoke with an erection. He had felt angry at himself after these dreams, and sometimes at Francois, as if he had somehow caused them. When Francois broke his leg, Mike could not keep himself from trying to take care of him. He had fantasies of nursing Francois back to health, bathing him, soothing and comforting him, creating a deep and lasting bond. These fantasies brought on terrible guilt. Was he becoming a faggot? Were the awful things his father had said to him coming true? And with one of them, a black kid? How could this be happening to a tough stud like him? Yet Mike knew that when he had heard Richard, Kevin, and Miguel making love last night, what he had really felt was not anger but something more like loneliness, sadness, even envy. Why couldn't he be like Tommy and crawl into Richard's arms for comfort? He had worn his filthy shorts all day, not because he didn't want to be naked and free like all the other boys, but to hide a terrible secret. He couldn't explain this to anyone, so he had made himself an outsider, a loner, again. But Mike was always alone. Until now, at any rate, when he found himself climbing into the hammock and Francois' smooth dark brown arms. Inside Mike was trembling with fear as he saw his fantasy being fulfilled. Could Francois really like him? Would he still like him when his leg was healed and he didn't need Mike anymore? Would he still like him when he knew about the scar? Would the furies of hell, and his father, torment him and punish him for his forbidden love? But Mike had to be a "real man", as his father had so often told him, showing neither pain nor fear. Thus he returned Francois' welcoming smile and crawled into his open arms. Son he was luxuriating in the warmth of the black boy's body and finding pleasure in its muscular contours and smooth skin. "It's so kewl to be with ya like this! Thanks!" Francois whispered, "and thanks for taking care of me so much. You make me feel as if I'm not just a burden." Mike felt a lump in his throat so large he could hardly speak. "You aren't a burden, Francois. I really care about you. I've never felt so close to anyone. I--I love you," he whispered. Suddenly he began to cry. He tried to stop himself but he couldn't. He felt as if his very soul lay quivering and exposed. But somehow, lying in Francois' arms, he was safe. Mike hadn't really cried since he was a little boy. He usually kept his emotions well concealed behind a mask of aggressiveness and anger. He could always hear in his head his father's whiskey-slurred voice saying, "Big boys don't cry! Be tough! Be a man! Don't be a little girl! Don't be a faggot!" More important, however, was his fear that if he really started to cry he could never stop. Now he somehow felt certain that Francois, Richard, and his other new brothers would not let his demons consume him, would pull him back from the abyss of despair. Francois held him close and stroked his back, whispering, "It's okay, Mike. I love you too. Just let it out, baby, let it out!" After a few minutes, Mike's sobs subsided. Francois kissed him and whispered, "Wanna talk about it?" "Dude, I'm so happy. I've never been so fuckin' happy! For the first time in my whole life, I feel like a real person. I feel free! Do you know how long I've dreamed of holding you like this? Since our second week on the Venture!" Mike said. "You wouldda scared the shit outta me if you'd told me that then, but now it just makes me feel good all over to hear you say it." "I was too chickenshit to admit it even to myself then. There's no way I wouldda told you!" "Well I'm glad you told me now, dude! And I really do love ya." "I really love you, Fran." "Nobody calls me Fran, but for you I'll make an exception. In fact, I hope you'll always call me that ... when we're alone." Laughing quietly, Mike and Francois held each other very close. For the first time, they kissed each other mouth-to-mouth. A deep feeling of peace enveloped them and they drifted together into the realm of dreams. Sometime during the night they both awoke to find themselves covered with each other's hot, fresh semen. Starting to laugh, Francois asked, "What the hell you dreamin' about, dude?" Laughing in turn, Mike replied, "What the fuck you think I was dreamin' about, Fran? You! What were you dreamin' about?" Dissolving into giggles, Francois gasped, "Only you, baby! Only you1" They couldn't stop laughing, although they struggled to suppress the sound to avoid waking the whole campsite. Mike could feel Francois' whole body shaking with mirth. Except for the feeling in his dream, it was the most wonderful sensation he could ever remember. Finally Mike gasped, "Next time we'll have to do it when we're awake!" And, gently but passionately, touching each other's bodies in all the forbidden places, they did. Kevin, Richard, Miguel, and Tommy began to straighten up the blankets on which they had slept the night before. Kevin folded Chris's stretcher and carried to the other side of the campsite where the rest of the salvage from the Venture was stored. As he returned, Tommy yawned and stretched. Miguel put his arms around him protectively and said, "C'mon, li'l bro, its time for us to go to sleep." "Richard, will you and Kev be near us?" Tommy asked. "Right beside you, dude!" Richard answered. Richard took Tommy from Miguel's arms, lifted him up, and kissed him on both cheeks. Tommy put his arms around Richard's neck and his legs around Richard's waist. "Richard, you're so nice to me and I love you soooo much," the little boy said softly. "You know you're the best little brother in the world, except for maybe Miguel!" "I won't be little forever!" Tommy said, laughing and kicking him playfully in the back. "Miguel's right. It's time to go to sleep. Kev and I need to talk, but we'll join you soon. He turned to Miguel, took him in his arms, and kissed him. "You okay, buddy?" Richard said, noticing that Miguel was looking sad. He had learned that while Miguel's feelings were always obvious to anyone who knew him well, he seldom expressed them verbally until someone encouraged him to. "Yeah, I guess. I'm still really sad about Chris. I miss him a lot. When Kevin took the stretcher away, I wanted to cry. And I'm worried about the future. What's gonna happen to us? What if someone else gets sick or hurt and you can't make `em get better? I couldn't stand to lose somebody else." "Miguel, we can't see into the future. Even if we could, we couldn't control it. What matters is that we're all here now. The future is tomorrow. Now you've got to sleep, and take care of Tommy. Okay?" Richard held Miguel very close and kissed him again. "Okay, Richard," Miguel said softly. "C'mon, Miguel, I'm really sleepy," Tommy said, taking Miguel's hand. They lay down together and were soon wrapped in each other's arms. Richard heard: "Good night, Miguel. Thanks for takin' care o' me!" A kiss. "Good night, Tommy. I really love ya!" Another kiss. And soon the long, shallow breaths of sleep. Richard and Kevin walked past the blanket on which Terry, Joey, and Angelo, already asleep, were piled on each other like a litter of puppies, a tangle of arms and legs. Soon they were back under the trees at the edge of the campsite, near the hammocks. Putting his arms around Kevin, Richard said, "I could never have gotten through this day without you, Kev. Thank you! You're the person I depend on. I'd be lost without you." "I just did what needed to be done, just like you," Kevin said softly. "You have so many burdens. You carried us all today. I wish I always knew the right thing to say like you do. My job is to take care of you, and I love it! So let me do it. I promise I'll always be here for you, just like you are for all of us." Just then they both became aware of the surprising sounds coming from the hammock in which Mike and Francois were sleeping. They had been astonished when they saw Mike helping Francois into the hammock, but now they heard Mike crying and Francois comforting him. They noticed Mike's shorts hanging on the hammock rope. As Mike and Francois grew quiet, Richard whispered, "It sounds as if our macho guy isn't quite so macho now!" Kevin replied, "Yeah! He was never as tough as he wanted us to think. He has a father sorta like mine. He thought he had to act bad to please his dad. But he's just a kid like us. He needs to be accepted and loved. Didn't you see that from the way he was today?" "Yeah, I did, but I didn't think he'd figure himself out so fast," Richard replied. "I'm really happy for him. I could see big problems coming if stuck being the odd man out. We should find a way to let him know tomorrow." "Naw, he's not ready for that yet. We should just let him do the things he's offered to do and make it clear that everyone appreciates it." Richard and Kevin stood quietly for a few minutes, embracing each other and enjoying each other's warmth and care. Finally Richard said, "I wish this moment could never end. I want to be with you forever, Kevin." Kevin ran his hand along Richard's backbone as he knew his lover liked. "Me too!" he said. He became quiet and thoughtful for a few moments. He looked up directly into Richard's eyes. His voice full of emotion, he said, "Let's promise that we'll always stand by each other and take care of each other and tell each other the truth about how we feel." "I promise -- `til death do us part, Kev!" " `Til death do us part, Rich!" They kissed each other, first gently, then passionately. As they paused for breath Kevin grinned and said, "Well, now that we're married, let's make love!" As they walked back toward the blanket, Kevin stopped and whispered, "Richard, will you do something for me?" "Anything, dude. What?" Richard whispered back. "Will you fuck me tonight? Please?" Richard looked at Kevin in astonishment. He saw the need in the redhead's blue eyes. "I've never done that to anyone before. Won't it hurt you? I couldn't stand to hurt you!" "I want you to ... cum inside me," Kevin said hesitantly but firmly. "I know you wouldn't hurt me. There's no one else in the world I'd want to do it. But it'd mean so much to me. I just want to give myself to you completely, so I can be part of you and you can be part of me." He took a deep breath. "I've been so alone since my mother died. I've tried to take care of my dad, but he doesn't care about me. He doesn't even really know me. You're the first person who's made me feel that I'm worth something, that I'm known and loved. I want our love to be bigger than the whole universe -- stronger than death -- perfect and powerful and brave." He took another deep breath and put his head on Richard's chest. Stunned by the 14-year-old's flight of eloquence, and then overwhelmed by feelings of tenderness for him, Richard felt his eyes fill with tears. He wrapped his arms around Kevin and held him fiercely. The two boys felt the pressure of each other's erections against their bodies. "How can I be so lucky? Here I am on a tropical island with the most beautiful boy in the world, and I've got him in my arms. You're a miracle, Kev! You make me so damned happy!" When they reached the blanket, they could see Miguel sleeping with his brown arms wrapped around Tommy's smaller white body. Tommy's head was on Miguel's chest. They both looked completely at peace. Kevin and Richard looked at each other and smiled, filled with affection for the two younger boys. They embraced again, and Richard masturbated their penises together until they were both fully erect. Kevin lay down on his back and put his legs on Richard's shoulders as he knelt before him. Richard spat on his hand rubbed the saliva on Kevin's exposed anus. He leaned over and kissed Kevin on the lips. "Are you sure, baby?" he whispered. "Yeah! Do it! Please, I need you now!" Kevin replied, closing his eyes. "Just relax and let me in," Richard said, inserting a finger. He had to force it at first, but then Kevin's sphincter relaxed. The inside of his rectum felt hot and moist. Richard inserted a second finger. He found the hard knob of Kevin's prostate. Kevin moaned. Coating his penis with more saliva, Richard began to push it in. He saw Kevin wince and grimace with pain. "Baby, did I hurt you?" he asked anxiously. "No! Don't stop! It's okay. Just go slow," Kevin whispered. Warmth and tightness enveloped Richard's penis as he pressed gradually further in. He was amazed at the power of the sensations sweeping through his body. Electric charges seemed to explode in his groin. After the initial sharp pain, Kevin began to feel a wonderful fullness as Richard's member went into him to its full length. As his prostate was stimulated, he too felt intense sensations of almost unbearable pleasure. Forgetting everything except Richard's presence inside him, he moaned softly. In some corner of his consciousness, he marveled that he was joined with the person he most loved and admired in the world. His hands drifted over Richard's face, chest, and belly. Richard began to pump in and out slowly, then more rapidly. He was deeply moved by Kevin's complete vulnerability and trust, and thrilled by his moans of pleasure. His hands rested on Kevin's slender shoulders, and he was aware of the softness of his lover's fair, smooth skin. Orgasm possessed him as he made one final thrust. At the same time, he felt Kevin's sphincter contract as semen shot from his penis. They were enveloped in sensations more intense than either had ever imagined. The world ceased to exist; they became each other's world. Time and space collapsed into the single atom of their shared ecstasy. At last, feeling utterly fulfilled and at peace, they came back to themselves, more fully aware of each other than ever before. They held each other tightly, feeling each other's every breath and heartbeat. They kissed deeply, and their tongues found each other and danced together. Awed by the intimacy they had just experienced, both boys' eyes filled with tears. They were beyond words and beyond the need for words. Their breathing and heartbeats slowed down, their bodies relaxed, and Richard's now-flaccid penis slipped from Kevin's hole to rest between his legs. Their tears mingled, not needing to be explained. "Oh, Richard! I never thought I could be so happy," Kevin sighed. "Me neither, Kev," Richard said softly. Exhausted by the intensity of the long day and the pleasure they had just shared, Richard and Kevin slept. A few feet away, Tommy, awakened by Richard's and Kevin's moans and whispers, heard his two handsome, strong big brothers making love. He smiled happily, understanding in his heart what they were saying and doing. He could barely remember having parents. Now he felt as if he were somehow part of a family again. He crawled over to sleep as close as possible beside Richard and Kevin. Miguel, stirred to semi- consciousness by Tommy's absence from his arms, soon followed him. Chapter V: Exploring Coming soon...