Later on in this chapter we'll see two of our couples as they finally get around to trying to... well, to do it properly, so to speak. With mixed results, as it turns out. But first, let's go back to the day after those conversations in Tony's bedroom to find out how Tony is bearing up...
It was Monday July 26th, the day that Jeremy had set off to America and so the day after his conversations with Bilal and Tony. Tony was in the same room now, still lying in bed at 10 a.m. because he couldn’t think of a good reason to get up, even though this was the first proper day of the holidays. Normally during the holidays he got up quite early and went out and did something with his friends, but today he wasn’t even sure if he still had friends – at least, not his two closest ones. So he stayed in bed and stared at the ceiling.
Obviously there was nothing he could do about Jeremy until he came back from America, but he wondered if he ought to try to straighten things out with Bilal, and he considered walking round to Bilal’s house or trying to phone him. But then he envisaged the door being slammed in his face or Bilal’s mother telling him that Bilal didn’t want to talk to him, and that was enough to keep him from trying.
Eventually he got up, had a cursory wash, dressed in the first clothes that came to hand and went downstairs and ate a bowl of cereal. There was a note from his mother on the fridge, telling him that she had gone to the shop but would be back soon, so when he had finished eating he rinsed his bowl out under the tap and went and slumped in the living room, staring at an unplugged television and wondering how he was going to get through the next four weeks if every day was going to be like this.
His mother came home shortly afterwards and found him still sitting in front of a blank television.
“Are you all right?” she asked. “Why aren’t you outside? It’s a really nice day again…”
“I’ll probably go out this afternoon,” he said. “It’s just with Jeremy away, and Bilal being busy, I don’t really know what to do.”
“Surely you’ve got some other friends?” she asked.
“Yes, of course I have… maybe I’ll see if Kam and his brother fancy kicking a ball about for a bit.”
If they didn’t he couldn’t think what else he could do with himself. He had some other friends at school, but none that he saw outside school time. Miguel had gone to Spain and he didn’t really know Sim or Uzzy well enough… though if things stayed the way they were at the moment, maybe he’d have to get to know them, especially if his two closest friends didn’t want to speak to him again.
So he went and phoned Kam, who said that he was going out after lunch but could come out for an hour or so now if Tony wanted. So Tony said he’d be at the car park in ten minutes.
“You look like crap,” was the first thing Kam said to him when he got there. “What’s the matter?”
Of course, Tony didn’t know about Kam’s relationship with Neil, so he had no reason to think that Kam would be any more sympathetic to homosexuality than Bilal seemed to be, and that made it hard to answer the question. So instead he asked, “Where’s Awais?”
“Mucking about with Robin. Last time I saw them they were firing water-pistols at each other in Robin’s garden. So it looks like it’s just you and me.”
They practised taking penalties against each other and then they went to opposite ends of the ‘pitch’ and tried to score long-distance goals past each other, but after about twenty minutes it was clear to Kam that Tony wasn’t really concentrating on the game.
“Okay,” he said, picking up the ball and going to sit on the wall, “what’s up?”
“What do you mean?”
“Come on, Tony, something’s bothering you. Is it Bilal and Jeremy?”
“What about them?”
“Did Jeremy talk to Bilal about… you know?”
“You know about that?”
“Sure. I told Jeremy that he ought to talk to Bilal… so what happened?”
“Bilal said he wasn’t interested.”
“Ah…. I see. I suppose I’ll have to talk to him, then, because I don’t want to see two of my friends… well, not wanting to be friends.”
“Do you think talking to him will do any good?”
“I don’t know,” admitted Kam. “But I have to try, because I promised Jeremy I would. I suppose it’ll depend on whether Bilal just thinks girls are better, or if he thinks gay people are disgusting – I mean, he’s never said anything like that, but I don’t think the subject has ever come up. You should come with me – if both of us try to talk to him together he’ll be more likely to listen.”
“I don’t think he’ll want to listen to me,” said Tony, gloomily.
“Why not?”
“Because I told him I’m like Jeremy – I like boys, too. Well, just one boy, but still…”
“What, you fancy Bilal, too?”
“No, I fancy Jeremy – except I don’t think ‘fancy’ is really the right word. I think… well, maybe ‘love’ is the word I’d use.”
“Ah. And does Jeremy know?”
Tony nodded. “And he told me about the same thing as Bilal told him: thanks, but no thanks,” he said. “Which I suppose I can put up with… I mean, I don’t hate him for saying ‘no’, or anything – in fact I still feel the same way about him as I did before. But it makes things more of a mess, and that’s why I don’t think Bilal will want to talk to me.”
“Well, that’s tough, because he’s going to,” said Kam, standing up and glancing at his watch. “We’ve got at least half an hour before I have to be home, and that should be plenty. Come on.”
He strode off towards the street and Tony trailed along behind him. He really wasn’t sure that this was a good idea, but nor did there seem to be any chance of changing Kam’s mind, so he supposed he was going to have to go along with it.
When they reached Bilal’s house Kam marched straight up the path and rang the bell. Bilal’s mother answered the door, greeted them cheerfully (so apparently Tony’s name was not yet mud in the Khan household, which made Tony feel a little better) and told them that Bilal was in his room and that they should go straight up.
Bilal was sitting on his bed reading a book. His face lit up when Kam came in, but his expression immediately became a little more guarded when Tony followed him into the room.
“Okay,” said Kam, closing the door and sitting on the chair, turning it first to face Bilal, “what’s going on?”
“Hasn’t Tony told you?”
“I want to hear it from you.”
“Well, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, you’re going to talk about it, whether you want to or not, okay? I’m not going to sit back and watch my friends falling out with each other without doing something about it. So start talking.”
Bilal opened his mouth, but then looked at Tony and closed it again.
“I’ll go and wait downstairs, shall I?” said Tony, reaching for the door.
“No, you won’t. Sit down,” ordered Kam, pointing at the bed, and reluctantly Tony went and sat next to Bilal, though leaving an appreciable gap.
“Okay,” said Kam. “Now, Bilal, you were saying..?”
“I’m sorry, Kam, but I don’t think I can talk about it.”
“Fine. You want to spend the rest of the summer sitting here in your room reading a book, then, do you? And what are you going to do at the start of next term? You won’t be able to avoid each other then, will you? Sorry, Bilal, but you’re going to have to deal with this. First, what’s different now? How is Jeremy different to what he was like last week?”
“Well… I mean, you know, he’s… well, he’s…”
“Say it, Bilal,” said Tony. “It won’t bother me any, whatever you call it.”
“Okay, then… he’s queer, okay? Is that what you wanted me to say?”
“And how is that different to how he was two weeks ago?” asked Kam.
“I didn’t know about it two weeks ago.”
“Yes, but it’s you that’s changed, then, not Jeremy. Jeremy’s been that way for ages.”
“So have I,” murmured Tony.
“Well, so what?” said Bilal. “You can’t just expect me to pretend it didn’t happen and to go on the way things were before.”
“Why not? I haven’t changed the way I think about him since he told me.”
“Yes, but it’s not you he wants to… you know, do things with, is it?”
“I don’t think he wants to ‘do things’ with you, either,” said Tony. “It’s perfectly possible to love someone without wanting sex with them – or don’t you think so?”
“No… I mean, yes… look, the point is I can’t help looking at him differently now, and nothing you say is likely to change that.”
“Well, okay. But does ‘look at him differently’ have to mean ‘not want to speak to him again’?” asked Kam.
“No – and I never said I didn’t want to speak to him again,” Bilal pointed out. “It’s just… I don’t know how I’m going to be able to talk to him without thinking… well, you know.”
“But you will talk to him?”
“Yes, of course. Look, whatever’s happened I can’t just walk away from it – he’s been my best friend for about six years. It’s just… it’s going to be really difficult, that’s all.”
“I know,” said Kam, in a quieter voice. “I just want you to try, okay?”
“I’d have done that, anyway.”
“What about me?” asked Tony. “Can you… I mean, are… well, you know… I… are we still friends?”
Bilal looked at him. “I suppose so… look, it’s just hard for me to take this in… I mean, I’ve always thought queers were just dirty perverts who… I mean, how can you do that stuff, Tony? It’s disgusting!”
“I’ve never done any stuff,” Tony pointed out. “So whatever it is that you think is disgusting, I haven’t done it, okay?”
“Yes, but you’d like to – wouldn’t you?”
“I don’t know. What are we talking about, exactly?”
“Well, you know – putting your thing up some other boy’s arse…”
“Have you ever done that, Bilal?” asked Kam.
“No, of course not!”
“Then how can you say it’s disgusting? How is it any worse than putting it where a girl pisses?”
“But that’s where it’s supposed to go!”
“But it’s just as messy, don’t you think? I mean, I’ve never put mine anywhere,” (‘yet’, he added, mentally: he was going to the garage with Neil later this week, and after that maybe he’d view this a little differently) “so I don’t know what it feels like. Okay, if you want to get religious and say you should never do anything with anyone unless you’re married and want to have children, then that’s another argument, and one that you really can’t use on either Jeremy or Tony because they don’t follow our religion. But if you’re just talking about sex in general, personally I don’t think you can criticise anything just because you don’t know what it’s like and the idea of it seems bad to you. For example: do you wank yourself?”
“I’m not telling you that!” declared Bilal, looking shocked.
“Why not? I do,” said Kam.
“So do I,” added Tony.
“And so do most boys of our age – at least, the ones who know how to,” Kam went on. “We’re not supposed to, but we do, because it feels really good. Maybe it sounds weird if you describe it to someone, but when you try it for yourself it doesn’t feel weird, it feels brilliant. Maybe all sex is like that – it sounds strange, or weird, or disgusting, but when you try it you find out it’s brilliant. Of course, you don’t have to try everything for yourself: there are things I wouldn’t want to try – but I don’t think you should just describe anything you can’t understand as wrong or disgusting…
“Look, Bilal, nobody’s saying you have to have sex with Jeremy…”
“Good,” said Bilal.
“… but we are saying that he’s your friend, that he really likes you, and that you should give him a chance to talk to you – and that after he’s talked to you, you should go on being his friend anyway, because that’s what friends do: they stay friends even if there’s stuff they disagree about. Okay?”
“Okay, I suppose that’s true.”
“And what about you and me?” asked Tony again. “When you look at me, can you just see me the way you always have, and not like I’m some sort of monster who should be locked up?”
“I don’t think that,” protested Bilal.
“Sure?”
“Positive. It’s just that I don’t really want to talk about this stuff any more, that’s all.”
“Fair enough. So, do you want to come round after lunch and play tennis?”
“No, I can’t,” said Bilal, and Tony’s heart sank. But it rose again when Bilal continued, “But only ‘cos I’m going out shopping with my mum. I can come round when we get back, though – about half past three?”
“Great!”
“But… I’m serious, Tony: we don’t talk about sex. Or Jeremy, for now, either. Okay?”
“Okay. But when he gets back from his dad’s we’re going to have to.”
“I know, but that’s still four weeks away. Let’s just forget about it until then, okay?”
“All right. See you this afternoon, then.” And Tony got up, feeling that although the main problem had only been shelved, rather than disposed of, at least he wouldn’t have to worry about it until Jeremy returned home.
Kam went back home thinking that at least things had been patched up for the next three or four weeks, and maybe by then, if Bilal and Tony spent enough time together, Bilal would begin to accept that neither Tony nor Jeremy had really changed. He’d thought about telling Bilal about his own relationship with Neil, but had decided that it probably wasn’t a good idea. Besides, his activities with Neil were probably only going to be short-term anyway – just until he found the right girl…
Although, when he thought about it, there was no need for him to go rushing after girls just yet. It was a lot easier talking to Neil than to a girl, for a start, and he didn’t have to worry about wearing the right clothes or talking about the right subjects or buying a present or choosing the right film to go and see together… girls seemed like really hard work, whereas being with Neil he could just be himself.
He and Neil had decided to spend a night in the garage at the end of that week. As far as their parents were concerned they were sleeping in a tent that Kam had borrowed from Uzzy, but of course they didn’t need a tent, and as they were only going for one night – this time, anyway – they didn’t need to carry a lot of stuff with them, either: a change of socks and underwear, a basic washing kit and a sleeping bag each seemed likely to be adequate. Plus, of course, the small jar of Vaseline and box of tissues that Kam had bought from the local branch of Boots.
They set out after lunch, rode to Shortham along the main road and reached the garage in the early afternoon. As they had hoped, there was no sign of life there, so they went inside and left their sleeping bags on the mattress, and then got back on their bikes and rode on down the lane and so back to Britannia Forest. This time Kam had packed a blanket, and he wanted to have another try at the snuggling-under-a-pine-tree trick, so they found a suitable path, rode along it for a hundred yards or so and then pushed their bikes off into the trees until they found a pine not unlike the one they had tried using the first time. They pushed their way into this one and found another fairly clear area close to the trunk, so Kam spread his blanket out and they got undressed and lay down side by side on it. And this time it was perfect: the blanket solved the problem of the pine needles completely.
“You know, we could probably sleep here tonight if we wanted to,” commented Kam.
“I suppose so. Except with my luck it would probably rain.”
“I think we’d stay fairly dry here, even if it did.”
“Maybe… it is nice here, but I think I’d feel safer in the garage. Still, maybe a little snooze now might be nice.”
He rolled over to face away from Kam and backed into him, pulling his friend’s arm around him, and Kam wriggled as close as he could get.
“That’s nice,” said Neil, dreamily. “Maybe I could go to sleep out here like this...”
Kam let him settle for two or three minutes and then slipped his hand down to Neil’s groin and started exploring what he found there, and Neil reached round behind his back and returned the favour, and soon all thoughts of sleep had vanished completely.
“Of course, we don’t actually have to go back to the garage if we want to do… stuff,” Kam pointed out. “It might be quite nice to do it here. What do you think?”
“Well… we’d be in trouble if anyone came by.”
“Yes, but that’s not very likely. I mean, we’re away from the path, so if anyone was going to find us they’d have to be pushing their way through the trees instead of following a track, and they’d have to push their way right into this one, because I’ll bet you can’t see inside if you’re outside the branches. I know you couldn’t with the tree we tried last time, because I checked.”
“I suppose so… so, what sort of ‘stuff’ did you have in mind?”
“Well, I only left the sleeping bag in the garage: everything else is in my bag here. Like the Vaseline, for example.”
“That’s handy.”
“Isn’t it? But… look, Neil, are you still sure about this? Like I said before, I don’t want to hurt you….”
“And like I said, if you do we can always stop. Come on, Kam, let’s try, okay? So… what should I do?”
Kam looked around. Just behind them was a branch growing almost horizontally, about two feet up from the ground.
“You could try bending over that,” he suggested. “Put the blanket over it first, though, because you don’t want bits of bark digging into anywhere… well, anywhere.”
So Neil folded the blanket up and put it over the branch, and then positioned himself over it. Kam took the Vaseline and rubbed some around Neil’s opening. But now that the moment had arrived he was feeling unsure of himself and more than a little nervous, and as a result his erection subsided. And nothing he tried seemed able to resurrect it.
“I’m really sorry, Neil,” he said, “but… I suppose I’m too nervous about this. Let's swap places, and then you can go first.”
“Well… okay, then.” Neil stood up and Kam took his place, handing Neil the Vaseline jar as he did so.
Neil paused briefly: certainly when this subject had first been mentioned he hadn’t expected to be starting off in the active role… but part of him at least seemed quite enthusiastic to give it a try, so he rubbed a little Vaseline onto it, added a further dab onto Kam’s bum and tried to line up.
It took a little while to get into the correct position, and in the end Kam had to reach back and guide him into place, but then, finally, he was ready. He pushed forwards.
At first nothing happened: he was aware of resistance, and he was too scared of hurting his friend to push any harder. But then Kam asked what he was waiting for, so he shoved a little harder, and suddenly the resistance eased and he felt himself sliding in. And then Kam gave a hiss and Neil froze.
“Okay?” asked Neil.
“Give me a moment… I think you’re bigger than I thought you were…”
“Should I stop?”
“No. Just give me a minute to get used to it… Okay, now keep going, but slowly…”
Neil pushed and Kam gasped again.
“Look, I really think we ought to stop,” said Neil, although now that he had got as far as he had, stopping was not what he really wanted to do: it was an amazing feeling.
Kam shook his head. ”Keep going until it’s in as far as it’ll go,” he instructed.
Neil was torn between not wanting to hurt his friend and wanting to go further with what he was doing. “Are you sure?” he asked.
“I’m sure. Get on with it.”
So Neil got on with it, pushing slowly forwards until it was as far in as it would go and his sparse pubic hair was touching Kam’s bum.
“That’s it – it’s all the way in,” he reported. “Are you okay?”
Kam nodded. “Just give me a moment to adjust,” he said, “and then pull it about halfway out and push it in again. But slowly, okay?”
Neil very carefully did as he was told, and then did it again, and again… he was still a bit concerned that he might be hurting his friend, but the astonishing feelings he was experiencing were going quite a long way towards eclipsing that concern.
As far as Kam was concerned, this just felt weird. It had hurt on the way in, but now it just felt odd, though at the same time it was starting to feel… well, interesting… in fact, it felt good… in fact…he was getting excited. He hadn’t expected this at all: he’d thought it would probably feel good doing it from the active standpoint, but he hadn’t expected being on the receiving end to be anything more than a means of helping his friend to reach orgasm. But he was starting to think that if this carried in for much longer he was in danger of losing control of himself.
By now Neil was loving it: it was a truly incredible feeling of warmth and tightness. It usually took quite a while to bring himself to orgasm when he did it by hand, but he thought this would be quicker… and then Kam began to tremble and gasp, and Neil returned to his senses and stopped, convinced he was hurting Kam badly. But Kam simply gasped, “Don’t stop!” and started writhing and pushing back against him, so Neil did as he was told and kept going, even when Kam gave a cry and convulsed beneath him, and then, a few seconds later, went still.
It took Neil a further minute or so to get there, and when he did it felt unbelievable: he gripped Kam’s hips and thrust as hard as he could, feeling the sperm bursting out of him as his penis was squeezed in the vice of Kam’s tunnel… and then, slowly, he came back down from the summit. He held still for a few seconds and then withdrew, and as he moved away he saw the state of the earth underneath the branch: there were copious splashes of white on the ground.
“Wow,” he said, standing up. “Were you rubbing yourself while I was doing it to you?”
Kam stood up as well and went to his bag to find the tissues he had brought along for the purpose.
“No,” he said. “I never touched it. That just happened – having you moving about like that inside me made me feel… well, it got me excited. I don’t know how, but it felt good.”
He pulled out some of the tissues and handed them to Neil, then took the rest of the box and went round to the far side of the tree trunk, where there was another low branch.
“Excuse me a moment,” he said, sitting down on it and sliding back. “I think I need the toilet.”
Neil politely turned his back and concentrated on getting himself clean, which was easier than he had expected, as the lubricant came off fairly easily, taking all the other residues with it. By the time Kam reappeared Neil was dressed once more.
“Do you mind if we wait until we get to the garage for you to do it to me?” he asked. “Only I’m feeling a bit… well, you know.”
“I don’t think I could do it straight away anyway,” said Kam, pulling his own clothes on. “I’d need a while to recover from that. So – what was it like?”
“Amazing. It’s hard to describe, but it felt really tight and hot… I’d really like to do that again some time, as long as it wasn’t too bad for you.”
“Well, it hurt on the way in… and I’m even more worried about doing it to you than I was before, to be honest, because I am a bit bigger than you… still, once it was in it didn’t feel too bad, and then when you started moving it got pretty good. I didn’t know you could get excited by having it done to you… though I suppose that’s maybe what it’s like for girls – I mean, it must feel good for them, being fucked, or they’d never let boys do it to them…”
They pushed their bikes back to the path, rode back to the road and then went back up the lane to the garage. Kam stood on his pedals for most of the way because his bum felt a bit sore, but it was feeling a little better by the time they had got back to the garage and eaten their packed tea.
“OK,” said Neil, as soon as they had eaten, “now it’s your turn.” He threw his clothes off and bent over the edge of the table, and Kam, despite still having some reservations, got undressed himself, put the tissues close at hand on one of the chairs, and then opened the Vaseline and applied it to Neil once again. And this time he was rather more ready for this, because by the time he had finished getting Neil properly anointed his own penis was good and hard. He lined up and pushed, but nothing happened.
“You’re in the wrong place,” Neil told him, and guided him into position, but once again he was unable to get it in. He tried for quite a while, but despite the lubricant he couldn’t get it in, and he was afraid of pushing too hard in case he hurt his friend – after all, he now knew what being penetrated for the first time felt like.
It was probably this reticence that prevented him from getting it in, but in the end he simply gave up trying.
“It’s no good,” he said, taking a tissue and wiping off the Vaseline. “I don’t know if it’s because you’re too small or I’m too big, but it’s not going in. Sorry, Neil.”
“Maybe I should practise with someone a bit smaller,” suggested Neil. “If I got someone with a smaller one to do it to me first, maybe it would open me up a bit so yours would fit afterwards.”
“Two problems there,” said Kam. “First, I don’t think I want anyone else doing this with you – it’s supposed to be our special thing. And second, who were you thinking of asking, anyway? I mean, you can’t just walk up to someone and say, 'Would you mind fucking me? See, I need someone with a little cock to do it to me first…'”
Neil laughed. “I suppose not,” he agreed. “But I really want you to do it, Kam, because it made me feel amazing when I did it to you, and I want you to feel like that, too. I’ll have to try to open it up somehow. I could try sticking a carrot up my bum, or something.”
“I never thought I’d be jealous of a carrot,” said Kam. “But… it doesn’t matter too much, because we already know that you doing it to me makes us both feel good. So I wouldn’t mind if we keep doing it like that, at least until you’ve found a nice big carrot to practise with for a while.”
“Okay. But sooner or later we’re going to do it the other way round, too, because I really want you to find out how good that feels…”
Paul McAllen was a couple of years younger than Kam, but his approach to the same problem had been much more scientific, which is why when he and Owen got together for their own big experiment they both felt ready for it. Since that first time in the pavilion Paul had found a series of useful objects – pens, candles of different sizes, and yes, a carrot or two – to push into Owen’s bum. Each of these had been used very gently and carefully, and Paul had been quick to pull it out at the least sign of discomfort from his partner, until, a couple of weeks into the holiday, he felt that Owen was probably ready for the real thing.
Owen felt the same way. He still had very serious reservations about the whole exercise, but he couldn’t fault the careful way Paul had built up to this. And so when Paul had asked if he thought he was ready to try it for real, he had replied that he was.
They had managed to find a morning when Paul’s mother and brother would be out (his father was at work, of course), which mean that they would have the place to themselves. They went up to Paul’s room, and to disguise his nervousness he became more ‘masterful’ than usual, demanding that Owen strip and threatening to beat his if he was too slow. Owen was nervous, too, and so unusually he didn’t have an erection when his pants came off.
“Lie across the edge of the bed, slave, and spread your legs,” demanded Paul, and Owen did as he was told.
Paul undressed and sat down beside him, stroking his bum for a minute or so and then dipping his finger into the lubricant and carefully running it around and then into Owen’s bum. He moved his finger in and out for a minute or so, then switched to using a candle, and then finally pulled the candle out, anointed his own penis and lined up.
“Ready?” he asked.
“I suppose so.”
“Good. And if it hurts, shout and I’ll stop.”
By now Owen had learned to push out when the candle or carrot or whatever touched his hole, and so he did the same thing now, and Paul pushed forwards… and to Owen’s surprise it hardly hurt at all, and once it was fully inside it felt great: It was very stiff, yet still somehow softer that the candles had been, but more importantly it was warm and felt alive… and Paul was lying half on top of him, and that felt good, too.
“Okay?” asked Paul.
“Yes, it’s fine.”
“Sure? I can take it out if you want.”
“No, it’s okay. Carry on.”
Paul started to rock back and forwards, and Owen quickly decided that this was nothing like vegetables or candles: this felt good. Just to see what would happen, he squeezed, and Paul gave a gasp.
“Oh, wow!” he exclaimed. “That felt fantastic, Owen – do it again.”
So Owen did it again, and then started doing it rhythmically in time with Paul’s thrusts. He was hard himself now: the way Paul was rubbing against and inside him felt really good and he didn’t want it to stop. Paul had no intention of stopping: this felt incredible. Danny had been telling the truth when he said this felt even better than being sucked…
Owen could feel something building up inside him, and by now he had been sucking other boys long enough to realise that this was what happened to them when he sucked them long enough for them to get excited. It felt great, and as the feeling grew it got better and better until he couldn’t hold it back any longer… he convulsed and cried out as he came, and the bucking of his body dragged Paul over the edge, too, and he ejaculated, thrusting hard against his partner and barely restraining a cry of his own.
“Are you okay?” he asked when he got his breath back. “Did it hurt? I’m sorry, but I couldn’t stop…”
“No, it didn’t hurt – it felt brilliant. I think I got that same feeling that you did.”
“Wow! Are you sure? I mean, I don’t see how…”
“Nor do I, but it felt absolutely magic, Paul. You can do that whenever you want if it’s going to make me feel like that.”
“Oh, brilliant! And it really didn’t hurt?”
“Just a little bit right at the start when it went in. But after that I really liked it.”
“Oh, God, that’s fantastic… come on, let’s go and get cleaned up, and then we need to talk.”
Owen wasn’t sure what they needed to talk about since they apparently both felt equally happy about this, but he followed Paul through into the bathroom and sat quite unselfconsciously on the toilet while Paul stood beside the bath and cleaned himself off with the spray attachment. Then they went back into Paul’s room and got dressed.
“Tell me the truth,” said Paul, doing up his belt. “Did you really like doing that?”
“It was great. It felt far better than carrots and stuff.”
“And you like sucking me, don’t you?”
“You know I do.”
“Good. Then… we don’t need to keep playing the master and slave game, do we? I mean, if we both like what we do together, I don’t need to be able to order you to do it – we can just do it whenever we both feel like it, can’t we?”
Owen was silent. By now he knew Paul wasn’t ever going to hurt him, so he was no longer nervous about being his slave.
“What’s the problem?” asked Paul, when Owen didn’t reply. “Surely it’ll be better if we’re equal?”
“Well… yes, I suppose. But…”
“What?”
“It’s just… it’s something Matt said ages ago, when I sucked on his for the first time. He said…”
“You’ve sucked Fat Matt?” asked Paul, giggling. “I never knew that. Has he got a big one to go with his stomach, then?”
“No – in fact his is smaller than mine. I suppose that’s why I was looking for someone a bit bigger… like you, for example. Anyway, the first time I did it with him we fixed it so that he made me do it, because he said that if people found out that I’d volunteered they’d call me a lot of bad names, but if I only did it because someone made me it would be okay. So all the time I’m your slave I can pretend that I’m only doing it because you force me to. If I’m not a slave I’ll have to admit that I’m doing it because I want to.”
“But you do enjoy it, don’t you?”
“Well, yes…”
“Then you don’t need an excuse. Look, Owen, nobody’s ever going to find out about us, and I know the truth anyway, so we don’t have to pretend any more, do we? Okay, if anyone ever did find out I’d say I made you, but that’s not going to happen. And I’d prefer it if we were equal.”
“Why? I mean, don’t you like being able to do whatever you want to me?”
“Would you really let me? I mean, suppose I took you out into the woods, stripped you bare and whipped you till you bled – I bet you’d go and tell on me, wouldn’t you? And even if you didn’t, you wouldn’t want to play with me any more.”
“I wouldn’t tell, because I’ve sworn to obey you. But… I really wouldn’t be happy if you started hurting me.”
“And that’s why I don’t want to be your master any more. Look, Owen, I didn’t tell you before, but… I went back to see Danny again on Monday. I wanted to see what he was doing to Alan. And… it’s hard to explain… see, there are a couple of other kids involved now. They’re a year or so younger than Danny, and they’ve lived on that site since before the travellers we knew arrived… anyway, Danny lets them join in doing stuff to Alan, and they’re really nasty. While I was there they whipped him really hard, until he was bleeding and screaming for them to stop… and watching made me get hard, Owen: it was exciting. I didn’t want to feel like that, because it was horrible, but I couldn’t help it. And I don’t want to risk doing stuff like that to you, which I could if I stayed your master…
“I spoke to Alan on his own afterwards – they just tied him to a tree, like when we were there, and left him, and I managed to talk to him for a bit. And he says he still sort of likes it, even though some of the stuff they do to him is even worse than the whipping I’d just watched… but I can’t believe anyone would really like that sort of stuff being done to them. I know you wouldn’t, anyway, because you’re not insane… And I don’t want to risk turning into those kids who were beating him, because that was vicious and horrible… so I want us to be equal from now on, okay? So I’m releasing you from your vow to obey me. From now on if you don’t want to do stuff with me, you don’t have to. But I hope you will want to, because it’s brilliant…”
“Thanks, Paul – for not wanting to try stuff like that on me, I mean. And I’m sure I’ll always want to do sex stuff with you, so you don’t have to worry about that.”
“I did want to do stuff like that,” Paul admitted. “I used to lie in bed sometimes thinking of tortures to try on you. And it scared me, because I don’t want to be like that. So now we’re equals, okay? And friends, of course…”
“Do you mean that? About being friends, I mean?”
“Of course I do. I’ve had loads of fun with you so far this holiday, and not just when we’ve been doing sex stuff. You’re a good laugh, Owen. So – are you okay about being friends instead of you being my slave?”
“Yes,” said Owen, with a big smile. “Yes, I’d like that a lot.”
So it looks as if Owen no longer has anything to worry about, anyway. Neil and Kam... well, they're getting there, too. But clearly Bilal is still unhappy – it seems that there's still a lot of work to do if that triangle is going to be properly resolved.
In the next chapter we'll find out more about Sim and Uzzy's night under canvas... but before the next chapter appears, there's an email inbox that would like to see a little action. Or even a lot of action. And it can be found at gothmog@nyms.net
Copyright 2008 – all rights reserved. Please do not reprint, repost or otherwise reproduce this or any part thereof anywhere without my written permission.
David Clarke