Oh, God. We made love tonight, and he fell asleep in my arms. I'm so happy, but so sad. This is everything I've ever wanted, but I can't get rid of the demons in my brain. I'm afraid they'll make me crazy, and I'll lose everything.
The day after the bike accident, Danny came home. His arm was in a cast and his head was still bandadged. I went over to tell him how sorry I was, to hold his hand. When his mom and dad got him in his room, they came out and said I could go in. As I entered, I could see he was asleep. I pulled a chair over to his bed, sat down and took his hand in mine. He slept. I stayed. His mom brought me a tuna sandwich and some chips for lunch and told me what a good friend I was to stay with him.
I almost cried. I was the reason he was so hurt. I tried to tell her, but she shushed me.
"Justin, accidents happen. You didn't cause this any more than Daniel did. But when it happened, you did everything right. You found a phone, called someone to help, and stayed with Daniel. And most of all, you didn't panic."
She looked at me. I was wearing a button-up shirt, but I didn't have it buttoned. It hurt to have anything touching my chest, even though I still had bandages on it.
"Justin, you even ignored your own injuries. I've always been glad you and Daniel are friends. Today I'm even gladder." She gave me a long hug, and I barely choked out a thanks.
About four in the afternoon, Danny woke up.
"Hi, bud," he said with a sleepy smile. "How long ya been here?"
"Hey, man, how ya doin?" I asked, ignoring his question.
"I'm real thirsty, and my head hurts."
"I'll get you something," I said. I stood to get his mom, but he pulled me back down into the chair.
"Don't leave, Justin. Don't leave me."
"I won't, bud," I said. "I'm just gonna get you a drink of water."
I stepped into the kitchen where his mom was fixing dinner.
"Danny's awake. He says he's thirsty and his head hurts."
"I'll get him something. He's got a prescription for pain, but I'm afraid it makes him sleepy."
I went back in and took his hand again. He was more awake now.
"Listen, I'm --" I didn't know how to start. "I'm really sorry about yesterday."
He looked at me with a funny look. "You don't have anything to be sorry about, Justin. I think you saved my life." Well, that was a little over-dramatic, but he wasn't thinking straight. "I wanted to apologize to you for what I did at the creek."
"Yeah, well, we need to talk about that, I think." I said. "But not right now. You just rest."
His mom came in with the prescription and some water. She asked if he was hungry, and he said no, just thirsty. She kissed him softly on the forehead, glanced at me, then gave me a kiss, too.
After she left, I took his hand again. I didn't quite know why it felt so good, but it did.
"I know we have to talk," he said, picking up the thread. "I don't know if I can."
"Hey, I didn't mean right now," I said.
"Will you stay with me tonight?" he asked.
"Sure, if your mom will let me. Why?
"You save my life, you got me to the hospital, you sat here in my room all day. I want to be with you a little longer."
"Shit, man, I caused the fucking accident, it was my mom's car, so obviously I went along, and it's raining outside today. Where else would I be?"
"Well, he said, looking at my chest, "you could be home taking care of yourself."
"I am taking care of myself."
"Okay, I want to talk," he said suddenly. He took a deep breath. "I -- um, I think that, ahh, oh, shit, my head really hurts. I can't do it right now." He closed his eyes. "The light hurts."
I got up to turn off the light.
"Could you get my mom?" he asked.
When she came in, he asked if I could spend the night. She said of course, if it was all right with my mom. I called, and mom said be sure to change my dressing. I ran home when Danny drifted back to sleep to get some new bandages and some clothes.
Back at Danny's, his mom helped me with my road rash, which was actually looking worse. After dinner I watched a little TV with his mom, dad and little brother Charlie. But I started to get sleepy.
"Should I just sleep on the floor since he's not feeling well?" I asked. I'd slept over plenty of times, but never when he was feeling bad.
"Of course not. Climb into bed with Danny. It's our old double-size, there's plenty of room." I didn't know about that, not with the feelings I'd had in the last few days.
Danny was asleep when I tip-toed into the room. I stripped down to my boxers, lifted the covers and slid in. A street light just outside his window shown across Danny's face as he lay on his side toward me. I looked at him, just sleeping. I'd never done that before. He was perfect. His smooth face was slightly flushed. His lips were red and full. His eye lashes were long and curled, and his hair, mussy as usual, fell across his forhead and framed his face. I got those urges again, except this time I just wanted to lean over and kiss him. I lay there, propped up on my arm, just watching him sleep. He made a soft snoring sound. It was so cute. HE was so cute. I could just squeeze him.
I must have fallen asleep looking at him. I gradually became aware that I was laying behind Danny, and that my cock was nestled between his cheeks. The feel was thrilling. It was erotic. My cock itched with lust for my best friend. It never crossed my mind that I would be ruining a life-long friendship, I just couldn't help it. I began to move my hips in and out, sliding my cock against his ass. The base of my cockhead slid against the smooth cheeks of my lover. Slowly the pressure built, and I had to move faster. I wanted the feeling to last, but my cock ached for release. I tried to slow, but my hips involuntarily sped up. I rubbed my cock against him harder and harder. My body tingled, and I began to gasp for air. Geez, the felt fantastic. The precum oozing from my cock lubricated the channel between his silky cheeks. Back and forth, as the pressure increased. My head was spinning, and I could feel Danny responding, pressing his ass back against me. My cock brushed past his hole but didn't go in. It was squeezed between those luscious cheeks and the friction was bringing me close. A few more thrusts and I would be there. I held back, torn between the ecstacy of the act, and the need to release. My breathing was irregular as my hips thurst my cock harder and harder against my lover. And then I felt it. From my balls I could feel every inch of the journey my cum made through my cock till it erupted out the end and shot in spurt after spurt after spurt. Five and six and seven spurts and I exhaled in a loud moan. My toes curled, my body stiffened and still I came. The last few drops finally dribbled from the end of my cock, which was still hard, but at least fulfilled for the moment. It was everything I dreamed.
And then I realized it was a dream. I woke not spooned next to Danny but facing away from him. For the second time I had come in my shorts, but this time I was in Danny's bed. Then the question of the day hit me: Did Danny hear any of that.
"Hey, buddy," he said quietly.
Oh, shit. "Hi, man, how ya feelin'?"
"Not as good as you must," he said with a giggle. "That must have been some dream. Who was it? Candace?"
Shit, shit, shit.
"Uh, no...I mean...uh, I'm not sure, it was, uh, just, like, I don't know who...it just...it was a girl, I mean, but...uh, I'm not, it wasn't any one girl I just..."
Well, that was brilliant. How much more could I lie and not get detected?
"Oh, I understand," he said, giggling more. Did he know?
"Man, you came hard," he said. Geez, he was gonna torture me! After I saved his life the other day!
"Um, yeah, I guess." I had to change the conversation fast.
"So, how ya feeling?" I said.
"My head still hurts, but it's nice that you spent the night with me. I woke up in the middle of the night, and you scared me at first, but then I realized it was you, and I felt comfortable somehow."
"I needed to," I replied. "I wanted to make sure you were okay. I mean, after the accident and all, I felt like I..."
"You don't need to do anything, Justin. I told you it wasn't your fault. I think I told you. I don't remember very well. But if I didn't, well, I'm telling ya now. Justin, it wasn't your fault."
"Yeah, well, the whole day was fucked," I said. "The water was too cold..."
"Was not," he laughed. "I remember having lots of fun. Especially you."
"Uh, nothing," he said, the smile fading from his lips.
"And what the hell was with you anyway? You wouldn't even talk to me."
"Hey, man, I sat in your room all day yesterday. I slept in your bed last night. Man, you watched me cum in my shorts this morning. If you can't talk to me after that, then we aren't what you'd call friends."
He started to tear up again. "Please, Justin, don't do this to me."
"Danny, I held you in my lap when you were hurting the other day. Let me help you again."
"That's the reason I can't," he said with a skakey voice. "You did all those things for me. Oh, god, Justin, we've been friends forever, and I can't tell you." He sniffled and wiped his nose with the t-shirt he was wearing.
"Well, what's that s'posed to mean, Danny? Fuck you if you can't tell your best friend." I was starting to get pissed at him. Then I looked at him again. His eyes were red and puffy. On his forehead, just below this mussed up hair, was a bruise. He was wiping his nose clumsily with his left hand because his right arm was in a cast. He was pathetic. Still, I was mad. I'd told him everything -- well, almost everything so far.
"Don't say that, Justin," he said. One BIG sniff. Uhg, what must have gone down his throat. "I don't want to lose you."
"Lose me? What's that supposed to mean? Why would you lose me? Shit, we've had fights before, and we've gone a few days without talking to each other, but we've always been friends. Dammit, Danny," -- I loved saying that, it just rolls off the tongue. I said it often -- "what other secrets are you keeping from me?"
"Just this one, but it's a big one."
I put my arm around him and looked at him. I couldn't get too close to him, because I could feel my cock start to stir again, and my shorts were all wet and clammy with fresh cum.
"Hey, bud," I said softly, "I'm sorry. I won't force you. But last night you said you wanted to talk about it. That's all."
"Yeah, I gotta tell someone, but I don't know if I can tell you," he said.
"Well, fuck, ya want me to call a priest?" I said, a little too loudly.
He actually giggled at that. "No. Oh, fuck, would I be in trouble then."
"Wow, a smile. Let me call your mom in and show her," I joked. He tried to hit me on the arm, but we were laying down, and he used his left fist. It was a weak punch.
"Careful, killer," I teased. "You might hurt me and then you'd have to take care of me." I laughed.
"Shut up, fucker," he said with a smile.
"Ooooooooooooo," I teased. "Lefty Shaw gets nasty."
We both laughed out loud at that one and rolled over on our backs. Then he looked into my eyes. You know, that look I told you about before? He looked right into me. And then he said it.
"Justin, I'm gay." He just blurted it out. Justin, I'm gay. That's what he had to tell me. Justin, I'm gay. His eyes filled with tears. I didn't know what to say. Justin, I'm gay. What did that mean? How long did he know that? How could it be true? He had girls draped over him all the time. Justin, I'm gay. Shit, I'd known him all my life. I knew him better than I did my parents. I stared at him. Justin, I'm gay. He was waiting for some reaction. He was squinting, like he expected me to break his nose. I couldn't move. He was my best friend. He knew me better than he knew his brother. He wanted me to do something, but what? I wanted an explanation. J-u-s-t-i-n, I'-m g-a-y. It played slow motion in my head. A lifetime of friendship. I knew what everyone said about gays. None of it good. Justin....Would I stand by him?...I'm...Would I still be his friend?...gay...Would anything change between us? He was waiting. And then I knew the answer. Something would change.
I rolled onto my side. He scrunched his eyes closed and hunched his shoulders, waiting for me to hit him. I got up on one elbow, and gingerly, not wanting to irritate the road rash, lowered myself so that my chest met his, and I put my arms around him.
His sob shook the bed.
I held him for 10 minutes, while he cried out his fear, his relief, and his own confusion.
"I was sooo afraid," he finally said.
"I bet you were." My mind was racing. I knew I was doomed to saying dumb things for a while. "But you don't have to be scared of anything you tell me. I'm not going to throw away a lifetime friendship because of this." To tell the truth, I was scared. "When did all this happen?" Dumbness was the rule of the day for sure.
"Well, I've been gay all my life, I guess. I just didn't know it till the last three or four months."
"Huh?" Brilliant. "I mean, you've been dating and all."
"Well, yeah, I thought I was supposed to. But it never was...like...it just didn't..."
"Well you're not supposed to yet. Love isn't in the question right now. We're 14-freaking-years old. You're not supposed to feel anything for girls yet. You're just supposed to feel `em, heh heh heh." It's getting dumber in here all the time.
"No," he said, "I don't even care for that. I mean, it feels nice and all, but I want to hold a boy. I don't know what it is -- a curse, I guess. But I want to hold a boy."
I realized I was holding him, and I jumped back a little.
"See," he said, his eyes filling again. "You're scared, aren't you."
"Yeah, a little." Oh, shit, dumb honesty. Lie, you dumb shit, lie to your friend here and help him. I held him a little tighter. "But it doesn't matter. We'll get through this."
Half an hour later, the tears were dried, we lay next to each other again, and the sun was climbing higher in the sky. It was Sunday, and the house was still quiet. Danny tried to change the subject.
"So, are your shorts dry yet?" That wasn't going to help.
"Heh, heh, no, it's sort of squishy. Why did you let me do that? You should have woken me up."
"Hell, if you'd woken me up in the middle of a wet dream, I would have killed you," he laughed. "So, you never answered my question. Who was it?"
"I did so. I said it wasn't anyone in particular."
"Yeah, well I'll tell ya, you sure made me horny."
What? What did he say?
"I mean, I had to lay here and listen to you humping some unknown person, and I got all turned on."
Good lord, we've never had a conversation like this before.
"Except, you know, I can't do anything about it," he added.
"Huh?" I said dumbly.
"My right arm's in a cast, dummy. I can't jack off. And I've never been able to do it with my left hand. It just doesn't feel right."
How the hell do you respond to that?
"Ummmmm." Okay, that worked.
"Justin, do you think...I mean...well, you've helped me already...and...you did get off...and..."
"And what? Spit it out." Ouch. Great choice of words.
"Can I have your hand?" he said in almost a whisper.
I gave it to him and he guided me to his cock. And then I touched him on the outside of the Chicago Cubs shorts he wore to bed. It felt great.
I rubbed up and down on his hardness. I knew what it looked like soft, but, of course, I'd never touched it. And I'd never seen Danny hard. I rubbed him the length of his shaft and he ground up into the palm of my hand. I felt a slight wetness on his shorts at the head of his meat.
Then I slid my hand to the waistband and worked my hand into the shorts. The heat was tremendous. I was so nervous he could probably feel my hand shaking. I first felt the soft, curly pubes that sparsely covered him above his penis. Then I felt the head, oozing precum. With my forefinger I spread the precum over the circumcized head. Danny moaned softly. I was transfixed. I grasped the his length in my hand and slowly pulled the skin up and over the cockhead, like I do when I jack off myself. He hissed as he drew in a sharp breath, and then moaned in letting it out. At the bottom of the stroke I paused and felt his balls, smooth, nice-sized and loose from all the heat.
I put my hand on his penis again, and stroked up and back, looking for the right fit. My had wrapped around the shaft perfectly, like they were made for each other. I wanted to see him build slowly, so I didn't hurry. Just a slow up-and-down motion, feeling the contour of his cock. I could think of nothing else. I wanted to see it, but not yet. I loved the feel. Up and down, up and down. My head lay on a pillow next to Danny, and I saw his left hand move to his chest, toward his left nipple.
I speeded up my hand, and then I lifted my head. Danny was pinching his dime-sized nipple, and it got hard and pointy. The very middle stood up, and it looked as sweet as any cherry you ever picked off the tree. His eyes were closed. I moved my head to his chest, licked my lips, and lowered them toward his teasing fingers. He gasped when my tongue brushed against the nipple and fought with his fingers. My tongue won. I sucked him into my mouth and lightly bit the hard nub. He arched his back and pressed his cock harder into my had. His precum was oozing out, making my hand slick. I was no longer pulling the skin. Now my hand was gliding along the length of him, picking up more lubrication at the head with each stroke. His ass was moving around on the bed. He was making a high-pitched wimper and he arched his back to press his nipple into my mouth. I started licking my tongue roughly across it with the same rhythm as my hadn on his cock. His legs were moving widly on the bed, and he was twitching in ecstacy as I pumped faster now, and then faster. There was no thought in my head except to help my friend, to make him cum. Faster, tongue, fist, legs, ass, breathing. He was sucking in air and blowing it back out in erratic patterns. I saw his left hand claw at the sheets, and my action on his cock, slicked with his own juices, reached the fury stage.
"Oh, my god, Justin, I'm almost there. Oh, Jesus, I've never felt...oh, oh, my god...oh, shit, don't stop, oooooooooh, ooooooooooh.....ooooooooooo, sssshhhhhhiiiiiiitttttt. His body tensed, he grabbed the sheets, his legs pulled back so his knees were bent and suddenly he tried to sit upright.
"Aaaaaaaaaggggggghhhhhhhhh," he said, and I felt the white hot cum shoot out of his cock, over my hand and into his shorts. I sucked on the nipple and bit it gently. "Aaaaaaaaaggggggghhhhhh," he said again, and gasped. Two, three, four, five, six spurts jetted out of his cock, making my hand even slicker, causing him to cum, making my hand slicker.
"Shit, ogod ogod ogod, stop," he finally said. "Stop, it's starting to hurt." But I didn't want to. "Please stop," he pleaded, and I did. But I kept my hand on his cock. He rolled onto his side, panting, and I could see sweat on his back. I snuggled up agains him, and realized I was iron hard. My cock pressed into the crack of his cloth-covered ass. The morning was ending the same way I dreamt it had begun.
He breathing slowed a little, but it was still pretty fast. My hand was on his cock, refusing to let go as it softened a little. The stickiness was fantastic. I pressed against him.
"Danny?" I said.
"Yeah?" he managed to breath out. "Wait. Justin, that was fantastic. Thank you so much."
"Well, what are buds for?"
"Well not that. That was beyond the call. I'm sorry, Justin, I had no right to do that. I just had to feel it once. I'll never ask you to do it again."
"Why did you ask this time?
"Because, remember when I said I didn't really like dating those girls? Well, when I was on those dates my mind was always a million miles away, even when we were at the movies."
"Where was your mind?" I asked.
His answer was a whisper. "With you."
"Justin, it's you. I love you. There, I said it. I don't care if you never talk to me again, I've said what I wanted to say the last six months. I mean, I've always loved you as a friend, but now I realize, I love you."
"That dream this morning? I lied. It was someone specific."
"Heh, heh, I figured," he said, but he said it sadly.
"I could see every detail, every feature," I said. "I knew exactly who it was, because I've seen the face every day of my life."
He turned to look at me, puzzled.
"You, Danny. My dream was about you."
"Really? You're not just saying that?"
"No, Danny, I'd never lie about that." My voice broke. "It was you." And it was my turn to cry. And he held me just as I had held him, and it took half an hour to stop.
"I don't know what all this means," I said.
"Me, neither," he replied. "I guess we need to talk a lot more. And other things, heh heh."
We giggled. Then...
"I love you, Justin."
"I love you, Danny."
And we kissed.
Whew. I think I can go back to sleep now. It's about an hour before
the alarm clock goes off, and I don't want my lover to wake up alone. Good