Looking Back

Coming to terms with my sexuality never was easy. I had this longing to be
in the company of boys since I was really young; I mean, how does it sound
when you are five years old, and your best friend's grandmother catch you
behind the barn, playing with each other's little dicks? But to be classed
as a homosexual....

As I grew older, I always wanted to be in the company of the older boys in
the locker rooms, and never could keep my eyes off the HUGE tools hanging
between their legs. I even now can imagine that some of them might have
enjoyed my staring at them. When I compared my small willy with theirs, it
just seemed enormous, and I wished I would grow up quickly.

I was the proudest boy in school when I noticed that I started sprouting
hair, but to my horror, none of my friends had hair THERE. All of a sudden,
I was not like them any more, and when we had our normal nude swim in the
river, the hair was first the centre of attraction, and then of
ridicule. The best I could do, was to take Dad's razor and shave it
off. This lasted until they also started growing hair, and for a while, six
of us shaved on a regular basis, and compared stubble as we were sunbathing
after a swim.

This lead to some touching, and young dicks being what they are, erections
did occur. We shouted horror, and played a little with each other, but it
still was pretty innocent. Until one day when one of my friends, Pierre,
who was seven months older than the rest of us, showed us that he could
come. This was revolting, but immediately we all tried to do the
same. Needless to say, we all ended up with swollen and very tender
dicks. This did not deter a single one of us, and we kept on trying. I was
the first of the younger group to `have milk', and Pierre and I very
soon started jerking each other off; sometimes in front of the group, other
times on our own. He frequently invited me over to spend a night at his
place, and as he only had a double bed in his room, it was the most
exciting experiences. We used to come four to five times a night, and just
could not get enough of each other's dicks.  Innocent stuff, as there was
nothing else but wanking.

Pierre had the most beautiful cock in my eyes, as it was almost ten inches
long, with two big balls to compliment it. I loved holding his balls in my
hands while he was jerking off, and sometimes would stretch the sac away
from his body. When I did this, he always came quicker, with much louder
noises. Sometimes so much, that his dad would ask whether there was
something the matter - their bedroom was next to his!

I was also growing up quickly now, and when I was fourteen, the tallest in
my class, and had the biggest dick. I was still just behind Pierre with
nine-and-a-half, and we showed this off to the other boys at a regular
basis at the river. Pierre's cousin Peter was also in the group, and one
day we had a threeway jerk-off. Peter had about six inches, but big balls
made up for, what he called his "shortcoming".

Pierre started balling girls, so Peter and I started seeing each other on a
daily basis.  We were never shy about wanting each other's dicks, and
jerking off became a daily part of our lives. Fortunately our parents were
also friends, so that it was nothing strange to spend so much time in each
other's company. Even to the extent of going on holiday together.

We were in a game park, touring in campers. For the boys there were tents
attached to the campers to sleep in sleeping bags. The first two nights we
could do nothing, and then asked Peter's younger brother to move in with my
brother, and I moved over to his quarters. Even before his parents were
asleep, we started feeling each other up. He was already hard when I
started touching him, and after a few jerks, he shot a load right over his
head. I was ready to shoot my load when his mother poked her head out of
the camper's door, asking whether we wanted a last drink.  Fortunately she
was standing in the light, and could not see what was happening. I was too
scared to start immediately after she left, but still had a raging hard-on.

 We allowed for about five minutes after they switched the lights off, and
then Peter dove into my sleeping bag. He took my dick in his hand, but
because he had already come, he started exploring rather than just the
normal jerking off. He took my balls in his hands, and softly massaged
them, and then gently tugged on them.  He again had a hard-on, and I
returned the favour. My hand started creeping around to his ass, and he
must have enjoyed my toying with his butt, as he pushed his crotch into
mine. We tightly gripped each other, and moved our crotches together. The
feeling was the most intense we had up till now, and I wanted to kiss him,
but he shied away. After an intense and messy orgasm, we turned around and
slept in the same bag, with all the stickiness still on us. We were not
homosexuals, just normal oversexed boys!

We saw each other till after graduation, when our paths split. I went on to
university, and he went to the army. By this time both of us had
experienced with other boys as well, but he started looking more and more
at girls. The funny thing was that in spite of this, he still looked at
other boys' crotches, and we would speculate on how big it was! He later
got married, and the last time I saw him, he was overweight and looked ten
years older than his age.

************************
 At university I had to start a new circle of friends, and started dating a
few girls.  Underlying was still the need to be near men, but I was still
denying the possibility that I could be gay. Gay was for sissy boys, and
the few queens that I had seen in my life were not like I imagined
myself. And I definitely did not want to be ridiculed as they were.

One of my girlfriends invited me over to their farm for the weekend. They
had a beautifully big homestead; seven bedrooms and enough bathrooms to
lose yourself in. Her parents and older brother were the only three
occupying this big place, and I was given the en-suite guest room, between
Jackie(my girlfriend) and her brother, Jacques. (The family believed in
confusion!) The first night I slipped over to Jackie's room, and after
making love to her, we decided that I had to sleep in my own room, lest the
family becomes aware of the fact that we were sleeping together. I peeked
into the passage, and seeing no-one, slipped over to my room. Halfway to my
room, Jacques came out of his room, in just a pair of shorts. I nearly
panicked, but he just gave a big grin, and went to the kitchen.

With a beating heart I climbed into bed, and as I started relaxing, could
not help remembering what he looked like in his shorts. A tall, slim but
muscular dark haired beauty, with a nicely chiselled chin, and those blue
eyes in which you could drown!  His stomach showed the six-pack that I did
so admire, but did not have myself.

The next day he took me around in the pickup to show me the farm, and after
an initial uncomfortable feeling, I relaxed and enjoyed his company. After
showing me the vineyards, he took me to the cellar, where they were
producing their own estate wines. We tasted a few of the wines stored in
the big wooden vats for ageing, and then relaxed with a glass of more
mature wine in his office. For the first time he mentioned the fact that he
suspected me coming from his sister's room the previous night. I blushed as
far as my tanned skin would allow me, but he just jokingly said that I
would be more than welcome in the family if something should happen, but I
should try and take precautions. While saying this, he had his hand on my
upper- arm, and were looking me straight in the eyes. He squeezed my arm,
and slid his hand down my arm, rather that just lifting it away, while
still looking in my eyes. To my confusion, I realised I had a hard-on, and
it would not go away! He must have seen this, and again just gave me his
grin. Getting up, he turned his back to me, and I had the impression that
something had happened in his trousers as well, but could not be sure. At
least this gave me the opportunity to adjust myself, and by the time he
turned around, he could see nothing.

That afternoon we played tennis, and afterwards lounged around the
pool. Both Jackie and Jacques wore the briefest of Speedo's, and I vowed to
buy myself a pair the next day! Even though my own trunks were
tight-fitting, they were not nearly as brief as theirs. Even while I was
chatting and joking with Jackie, I could not keep my eyes off her
brother. And did he enjoy showing off his hard body. I am no mean looker
myself, being an inch shorter than him, wider in the shoulders, with a trim
waist, and nicely developed legs from cycling, dark hair and green eyes,
but in my eyes Jacques was just stunning. I kept on having this churning
feeling in my stomach, and had to turn my back to his antics, to give
Jackie my full attention, lest she detects my turmoil. This calmed me down,
and as we were joking and laughing, I could keep my pose.

After supper, Jackie entertained us by playing a few piano recitals, after
which she excused herself, as she complained of a headache from the
sun. This left her parents, brother and me. Jacques poured us all cognac,
after which his parents also retired. He poured us another round, and we
chatted about the football game coming up, and some other non-sensibles.
He poured us another round, and invited me to his room to listen to some
rock, that he is not allowed to play in the rest of the house.

We went to his room with the drinks in our hands, and he casually draped
his arm over my shoulders. In his room he spread a comforter on the floor,
and we relaxed listening to the music. We had finished our drinks, and he
went to fetch more.  Coming back, he handed me my glass, and then laid back
with his head on my stomach, asking afterwards whether that was okay by me!
What could I say - my heart was in my throat, and I could only stammer
confirmation.

I relaxed again after a while, and then felt his arm subtly move across my
crotch. I now knew that something was going to happen, and put my hand on
his head, fumbling his hair. He looked around to my face, and again give me
his wicked grin.  By this time, I could not care what his response would
be, and pulling his face to mine, kissed him. He immediately responded, and
stuck his tongue between my lips. We sucked on each other's lips, and even
though this was the first time that I really kissed a man (apart from my
dad and brothers), I deep tongued him, and sucked his lips as if born to
it. We had to come up for air, and he tenderly started to kiss my face, my
eyes. When he stuck his tongue into my ear, I could not hold back, and
feverishly got hold of his mouth again. We started moving our hands over
each other. I tugged his shirt from his pants, and I slid my hands over his
smooth back.  Jacques started unbuttoning my shirt, and rubbed my
shoulders. He got onto his elbows, and slowly trailed his tongue down my
throat to my nipple. He first circled it with his tongue, and then softly
took it between his teeth, teasing me to a frenzy. I grabbed his shirt and
pulled it over his head, momentarily taking his mouth away from my nipple,
which he immediately reclaimed.

I ground my hard-on into him, and feeling him responding, grabbed his butt,
pulling him tightly into me. Jacques released his hold on my nipple, and we
started kissing again with a passion.  It felt as if my tongue was sucked
from its roots, and I had to reverse the situation. He groaned with
pleasure, and bit my lower lip till I cried out. I went down on his right
nipple, slowly licking the little bud until it grew hard. I switched over
to the left nipple, and did the same to that, except that I gently bit him
as well. Jacques groaned, and concerned I asked him whether I hurt him. He
quickly assured me that it is quite the contrary, and I could do it even a
bit harder. That was just what I needed to suck, lick and nibble the two
little buds. Jacques started gyrating his whole body against mine, and I
could feel his dick rubbing against my leg and thigh.

I let go of his nipples, and slowly licked my way down to his innie navel;
swirling my tongue in it, almost trying to push it into his stomach. He
squirmed underneath me, and started laughing, complaining that I am
tickling him. This just caused me to go deeper, and he grabbed my head
trying to push me off. I slipped out of his grip, and nibbled on him
through his pants. I slowly started loosening his buckle, and pulled down
his zipper.  His dick was urgently pushing against his jock, and a wet spot
had formed at the tip. I lowered my face over him, and inhaled the
smell. His aroma drove me to dare something I have never tried before; I
stuck out my tongue and tasted his pre-cum through his jocks. It tasted
sweet and intoxicating, and I had to have more. I roughly pulled his jocks
down, and his dick was in my mouth without a second thought.

My first cock that I am sucking. It is like nothing I have tasted in my
life - a hard shaft covered in satin, with a smell of man about it.  I
pulled back the foreskin and licked the head, swirling my tongue around the
corona, under the head at the sensitive spot that I know from touching
myself, and could not get enough. I slowly started pulling more of this
hypnotising object into my mouth, flattening my tongue to allow it to go in
deeper and deeper. When it hit the back of my mouth, I gagged and had to
pull back a bit. Without being told what to do, I covered my teeth with my
lips not to hurt Jacques, and started going up and down on his
shaft. Slowly at first, and then faster and faster as I could not get
enough of his dick. I became aware of a kind of keening sound, and realised
that it was coming from Jacques. Without releasing his dick, I glanced
towards his face. His eyes were closed, and his mouth slightly open, with
the tip of his tongue protruding. From his throat came this low moan, that
intensified as I swirled my tongue again around his head. I closed my mouth
tight, and sucked real hard, while playing with my tongue over his slit and
around the head. Jacques shoulders rose involuntarily, while his head
jerked back.  His pelvis also rose from the floor, pushing his dick deeper
into my mouth. I started bobbing my mouth over his shaft in long deep
strokes, and he tensed even more.

It was now or never; I wanted to taste my first man. And Jacques seemed to
be willing to allow my all my fantasies. With a jerk he pushed his shaft
deep into my mouth. I could feel the shaft getting harder, and the head
expanding. The next moment a small amount of liquid pooled into my mouth,
followed almost immediately by a huge spurt, and another, and another! I
did not know whether to swallow or not, but it came so fast that I had no
option but to. Then I started tasting it; sweet, but also a bit salty - a
lovely mixture of contrast contained in a thick sauce.  I swallowed and
swallowed, until Jacques started squirming underneath me. His cum was still
coating my tongue when I eventually let it slip out of my mouth. I was
drunk from the nectar that I just feasted on, and Jacques was limp from
exhaustion.

But I wanted to taste more of him, and I lifted his one leg slightly,
nudging my nose underneath his big balls. Even though drained and pulled up
high, they were like two extra large eggs in his sack. I licked underneath
them, and dared to dart my tongue lower, in between his cheeks. It touched
his puckered hole, and he jerked, but let out a low moan again. Growing
bolder, I lifted his other leg as well, and my tongue found the target! I
wet his hole thoroughly, and then I could not contain my impatience any
longer. I loosened by pants, and without taking them off, pulled my dick
out. Lifting his legs over my shoulders, I positioned my rock-hard dick
against the most forbidden part of a man's body. I was dripping with
pre-cum, and pushed forward. My dick head slipped past his sphincter, and
his muscles clamped down on it, trapping it just behind the head. This
quickly stopped the initial urge to come, and I groaned in
pleasure. Jacques relaxed a bit, and urged my to push in deeper.  Slowly I
started pushing in deeper, until I had to stop halfway again to overcome
the urge to start shooting. Jacques grab hold of my bums, and roughly
pulled me into him, until my pubes were tight against his bum and balls.

I pulled out slowly, and pushed back slowly again, starting a rhythm that
speeded up quickly, as I could not wait much longer. After only tasting
girls until now, the tightness of his hole was unbelievable; the way it
gripped me was milking me.  Jacques was clamping and relaxing his muscles
in such a way, that I could not bear it any longer. Shoving my dick hard
unto the hilt in him, I let loose a growl and started shooting into
him. Spasm after spasm went through my dick and body, until I slumped over
him in total exhaustion. My dick softened and popped out of his body, and I
could only nuzzle his chest in sheer euphoria. Jacques took me in his arms,
and pulled me upwards towards his face, until our mouths met again. He gave
a long tender kiss, which I returned with equal passion.

After the initial tiredness wore off, we started talking about what is
going to happen now. I came to the farm with his sister as my girlfriend,
but ended up taking him to bed as well. The experience made me realise that
the feelings that I suppressed for so long, and which I made out as boyhood
curiosity, was what I really wanted. I would not be able to go on as if
nothing has happened, and that evening we started making plans how and when
to see each other again.