Date: Tue, 3 Aug 2010 21:54:49 -0700 (PDT)
From: Over Rated <overratedartist@yahoo.com>
Subject: Loving Kyle - Chapter Three

Chapter Three
            I was just about equally afraid and happy when I told Kyle that I
liked him. I was afraid because in the unfortunate, likely event that Kyle did
not like me back, I would be humiliated, hurt and probably would no longer be
Kyle's friend. I was happy because I had told him what I wanted to tell him
since I started liking him and now that I did, the only thing left to do was
hope that he liked me back. I waited. I was looking at the floor too afraid to
look Kyle in the eyes or even in his general direction in fear that he might
have an angry look on his face.
            I looked up. He too was looking at the floor with an
"I-don't-know-what-to-tell-you" look on his face. He then looked up at me.
            "Spence," He said. (I loved it when he called me "Spence".) "I'm
sorry, but that just isn't going to work."
            My heart sank. What did he mean "that just isn't going to work"? A
relationship? Our friendship?
            "What do you mean?" I asked.
            "I mean, I like you, but if you mean that you like me in the way I
think you do, that's just not an option." He told me. "Us being... together, I
mean." He said while putting finger quotes up when saying "together".
            "Okay." I said depressingly.
            "We're still friends." He said. "I mean, to me we are. It's just
that I don't like you like that; I'm not gay."
I was upset, but that made me feel a bit better. Kyle may not have liked me or
have been gay, but he still wanted to be my friend despite me being gay and
liking him. That made me even happier. What a guy. Even after that, he still
wanted to be friends with me. That's one of the things that made me like him;
his kindness and understanding.
"Okay then." I said. "Yeah, I still want to be friends. I'm not gonna try to hit
on you or make a move or anything like that."
"Okay, good." He said sounding relieved and we both laughed. "That was the one
thing I was afraid of."
There was an uncomfortable silence.
"So what do we do now?" Kyle asked. I knew the answer I wanted; to hug him for
not being a jerk about this, but we weren't very affectionate creatures.
"We play some Call of Duty." I said followed by a laugh from Kyle.
We sat playing our video game. Although Kyle was probably focused on the game, I
was too busy thinking. Thankfully, I am much better than Kyle at Call of Duty,
so I could think and play at the same time. So many questions were in my head;
would our friendship forever be awkward? Are we just going to act like nothing
was said between us? Did Kyle really not care about me being gay? I was afraid
that despite Kyle telling me he was okay with it, he would still be weirded out
and think I was trying to hit on him whenever I did something with him. I would
not, though. He told me he didn't feel the same way for me, so I was going to
respect that, especially after him still being my friend. Then I thought, "Was
Kyle only going to keep being my friend because if he stopped being my friend,
he wouldn't have any friends?" That thought made me depressed. I didn't want to
be Kyle's friend only because of that reason. I wanted to be Kyle's friend, but
because he wanted to be my friend. No other reason. We soon decided we were done
playing video games.
"So are you gonna tell your parents?" Kyle asked. "That you're gay?"
"I don't know." I replied. "They don't seem like they would care, but I don't
want them to kick me out or treat me differently or anything. I think I'll wait
a while before I do."
The truth is I never wanted to tell my parents... ever. I knew that they would
treat me differently, even if it wasn't in a bad way. They would say the clichés
like, "Well, we support you no matter what." This would be better than getting
kicked out, but I just wanted them to know without anything changing. But they
would. Things were going to change. And I don't like changes.