Date: Tue, 08 Feb 2000 14:34:35 -0500 From: fsw Subject: Matt and Mike Chapter 19 Warning! This story contains sex between minor boys. If you are underage, this is illegal in your country, or do not like this type of story, please do not read this. MATT and MIKE Chapter Nineteen On Thursday, Mike and I carried down everything from our bedroom to the U-Haul, and loaded it. Dad helped pack everything so nothing would be broken, but did not help in bringing down anything. Mom was busy packing her own things. We finally drove away for the last time. We rode with Mom in the back seat, and Dad drove the U-Haul. We rode in complete silence the whole way. I didn't even get to tell Adam, Jeff, Rob, or Jim goodbye in person. Mike and I might not ever see them again. We had all talked over the phone several times in the last two days, and many tears were shed, but it was not the same as in person. Adam, Jeff, and Rob had told me that they were going to have to move, also. The University had been good enough to let everyone leave with recommendations, and their Dad had already found another job starting the next semester. Jim didn't sound too happy. He would be left by himself. None of us had any control over our situations, however, and we all just had to do the best we could. We finally got to Jim's house. I really didn't know him very well, as our Mom really hated him. Mom had almost completely shut me off from all of them. I think I had met him only once before. He greeted us warmly, hugging both of us. We were still kind of stunned, and didn't hug back. My Grandparents also were virtual strangers, and we received their hugs as well as we could. We now had a new place to live, and we were thankful for that. Jim even helped us bring our things upstairs into our new bedroom. My Grandparents had a big two story house that was reminiscent of days in the past. There were several rooms blocked off completely upstairs. At least our room had been cleaned and aired out. Once we got everything out of the U-Haul, Mom and Dad said a simple goodbye and left. No hugs. No nothing. We were totally abandoned. Two weeks ago, we were both safely in the closet and in high school. We had 4 great friends and supposedly loving parents. We had plenty of extra money to spend. Now, we were living with people we barely knew, even if they were related to us. We didn't have a college that had accepted us yet, didn't have a job, and only had the money that each of us had in our savings account when all of this happened. We both did the only thing we could do. At least the house we lived in was near the town square. We both took any job that was available. We always tried to make sure that we worked together at the same time. We walked everywhere. We would work one job for four to six hours, come home and change clothes, and work another job until quitting time. We forgot about school for the time being. We had to save some money first. Do you really know how many businesses will hire a 14 and 15 year old boy? Almost none. We quickly found that out, and started to lie about our age. Mike got a lot of "Are you really 16?" questions. We got really good quickly at smiling and telling them that we were both 16. We both started at the bottom. We had to take any job that no one else wanted. Once we got some experience, we went from one job to another as we found something that paid better. We always gave it our best, since we really didn't have any choice, like most of the other teenagers working there. They were working for extra spending money. We were working so we could still live where we did and make something better out of ourselves. We always got great references when we did leave. Adam, Jeff, and Rob finally moved to the west. Their Mom forgave their Dad, after he tearfully told everyone that my Dad had seduced him. He claimed it had only happened twice before, and everyone believed him. What a crock of shit! Jim, meanwhile, was devastated. He knew he was gay, but he also knew his father totally hated gays. He couldn't come out to anyone, even with all the support from school. He was too afraid that his parents would find out and kill him. His grades started to suffer, and he got more and more depressed. His was an only child, and his parents had always given him lots of freedom. Their choice, not his. They wanted to live their own life, so they left him alone a lot of the time. That was really fine with Jim. As long as he had Adam, Jeff, and Rob to pal around with, he was happy, but he knew they would be gone shortly. His three best friends in the world finally moved. He at least got to hug them all goodbye. A lot of tears were shed. Then they were gone. He would never see them again. Jim didn't know what to do. He sought out new friends. He did meet a boy he really liked in his subdivision named Mark that he seemed to really get close to. Mark was 16, and already had a car. 1997 Trans Am. GREAT car. His parents had lots of money. He took a liking to Jim right away. The only problem was, Mark made a lot of his money selling drugs. He had an almost endless supply of anything you could ever want. Pot. Speed. Coke. PCP. If you wanted anything and Mark didn't have it, he could get it for you in a day or two. Mark had almost everything he could want. Except looks. Honestly, he wasn't a very good looking boy. He was overweight, had acne really bad, and didn't exactly take a shower every time he needed to. He made up for his insecurity by playing bad boy. Selling drugs made him feel like he had power over anyone that wanted to buy from him. It made him feel like a big man. He really didn't have many friends who really liked him for himself. Jim was vulnerable. He didn't have any close friends any more. Mark gave him drugs for free, if he was doing anything himself. Mark shared, trying to make at least one true friend. Their friendship grew, out of necessity for Jim. Jim did enjoy the prestige he got from riding around in Mark's car. Everyone seemed to recognize the car as they rode around to the places they visited. He always pretended to be involved when they drove to some out of the way spot and Mark sold something to one of the crowd. He began to enjoy his new reputation as a bad boy himself. He started to spend the night with Mark frequently. They became better and better friends. Jim always stripped down to his briefs like he always had when he spent the night with Mark. He had noticed many times Mark looking at his body when he was like this. Mark always jerked his head away when Jim would look at him, once he had caught him. Jim really wasn't attracted to Mark, but he didn't have ANYONE any more to share his gay side with. He really thought that Mark liked his body, and took a chance. Jim was spending the night at Mark's on a Friday night. Mark's parents had gone to a party, and had told Mark that they were going to spend the night there. They didn't want to chance getting drunk and having an accident, or getting a DUI. They made their usual rounds, and several people made purchases. They smoked a couple of joints while they drove around, and then smoked one more when they got back to Mark's house. Jim was feeling really good, and he decided that now was as good an opportunity as he was going to have with Mark. He was extremely horny, and needed someone to help him out. Both boys stripped down to their briefs. Mark kept his t-shirt on, because he was ashamed of his pot belly. Jim caught him staring at his body once more. "This is it.", he thought to himself. He walked up to Mark, and said, "Mark, do you like me?" Mark got a confused look on his face. "What do you mean? Sure, I like you. I wouldn't let you hang around me so much if I didn't like you.", he answered. Jim continued, "No, I mean to you really like me? More than just friends. I see you looking at my body all the time. Do you like me a whole lot? I like you. If you do, we could have lots of fun together. If we both got naked........" "What?", Mark yelled loudly. "You think I am gay? You are crazy. I don't look at your body. I never did. So, you are a little faggot. Get dressed and get out of my house! I don't want you for a friend any more. I don't want you coming over here ever again. Now, get your stuff and get out before I beat the shit out of you.", he screamed. Jim was mortified. Had he read all the signals wrong? He sure hadn't thought so. Now, his only friend had turned against him. He did all he could do. He got dressed as quickly as he could. "Mark, I am sorry. Maybe I was mistaken. Maybe I thought I saw more in your looks at me than was true. Don't be mad at me, please.", Jim begged. "I told you I never looked at your damn body. Now, get out and don't come back. I mean it. Ever! And you know what? I am going to tell everyone you are a fag and tried to come on to me. You just wait. You are going to pay for this. Now, GET OUT!", he yelled. That scared Jim more than anything. Mark couldn't spread the rumor around that he was gay. If he did, his Dad would find out. "Mark, I'll leave you alone from now on, I swear. Just don't tell anyone else. Please!", he begged. "I already told you I am going to tell everyone, and I am. Now, get out. This is the last time I am going to tell you. If you don't, I am going to beat the shit out of you right here. GO!", he screamed. Jim didn't have a choice. He hung his head, and walked out the door. It was late, and he didn't want to have to go home and take the chance of waking up his parents. He just walked around aimlessly for several hours, and finally crawled under some bushes in the park to sleep. It wasn't very cold that night, but he still fell asleep shivering and crying about his predicament. The sad part was, Mark was secretly gay. He had been eying Jim's body, wishing that he could do all kinds of things with Jim. It was his obsession. He jacked off many nights thinking about seeing Jim in nothing but his briefs. When his wish finally came true, he panicked. If they were ever found out, or if Jim ever told anyone else, his life as "Bad Boy" would be over. He chose his current life, made up as it was, over a much happier life he could have had with Jim, who he secretly loved. What is the old saying? "You hurt the ones you love most." That is exactly what Mark did. He told everyone who would listen about what had happened. Jim had former friends coming up to him at school and jeering at him and calling him names. None of these boys were exactly the type who had gone to the club meetings. These were the bad boys of the school, who would never spend another second in school once they were let out for the day. This was the kind of crowd Jim had been hanging around, and now he had to pay the price of his decisions. All of the support that was offered to all the other students through the new club was shut off from Jim, since only the other part of the kids new he was gay. A lot of kids had been jealous of Jim, as he rode around with Mark in his Firebird. Someone finally left a message on his parents telephone recorder, telling them that Jim was gay. All Hell broke loose that night in his house. Jim broke down, and admitted he was gay. His Dad all but threw him out of the house. His mother was more sympathetic than that, but not much. His parents felt shocked and confused. What had they done to make their only child gay? Jim felt like no one in the world loved him any more. If Jim was depressed earlier, this was much worse. Much, much worse. He couldn't have felt any further down. He started doing heavier and heavier drugs. Only when he was flying could he get his mind off his problems. To complicate his problems, he was now heavily addicted to drugs. His parents didn't know. They now shunned him now more than ever. Mark refused to sell anything to him. He had to rely on other people to buy what he needed for him. The only way anybody would agree to help buy the drugs he now needed to survive was to perform something sexual with them. He was forced to suck more cocks than anytime in his life. The act was always accompanied by constant torments of "Eat my big cock, faggot" or "Suck me, faggot". His self-esteem dropped down to nothing. (Author's note: One thing has always bothered me. How someone who thinks they are heterosexual could ever get enjoyment out of forcing someone to commit a homosexual act with them, where the aggressor enjoys it and comes away with a smile on his face, but leaves the other person humiliated and often hurt, amazes me. I know some of the readers of this story must have faced the same abuse. It happens to teens when they are sent to basically pre-jail type situations. I know it happens to adults in jail and prison. It happens all over the country, to all ages. These people that force themselves on you remain the big, bad guys, who would never be thought of as homosexual. But, they enjoy the same pleasures as if they were in a real relationship. Only, they don't have to share. We live in a strange society.) Jim's life was now Hell, except when he was high. He took the only road he thought he had. He had been with Mark so much that he had learned that Mark had stashed a spare key by the back door. He also knew where Mark kept all the drugs he regularly sold to all his "friends". At first, all Jim wanted to do was steal everything, so he would have anything he needed to support his habit. He watched the house on weekends from a safe place. He finally saw them loading the family Mercedes with lots of luggage. More luggage than would be necessary for one night. He broke in that night when they were gone. It was easy. He knew exactly where to look. He found what he was after. He got out in less than two minutes. Everything had worked as planned. He took the stolen drugs back to his house. His parents were gone, like usual. He went up to his room, and started sampling his new found toys. He locked his door, to make sure that no one would come in. He was as depressed as he had ever been in his life. Now, he was a thief on top of everything else. Who knows what happened. Did he accidentally take too much? Did he do it on purpose? No one knows. All anyone knows is his parents called him the next morning when he didn't come down to breakfast, and he didn't respond. They knocked on his door repeatedly, until his father went down stairs and came back with a nail. It was easy to trip the lock with the nail, and open the door. They found their only child laying on his bed, dead for many hours. They both cried over his lifeless body. IMPORTANT -- PLEASE READ Please read this next part. I don't usually ask anything of my readers, but this is too important not to insist! (Author's note: All this bad shit really did happen. I made up all about how Jim went slowly down, but he did die. Matt and Mike think he committed suicide. No one knows the truth. To all the teens, NOTHING can be so bad that you should ever think about this as a solution to your problems. Matt and Mike never did, and you know they were faced with lots of tough times in their lives. I have met several gay guys out there through my stories that I talk to almost daily. They all try to help gay teens in trouble. They don't want anything back in return, they only want to help. In most cases, like me and Matt and Mike, they never meet face to face. They help through e-mail and ICQ. Please give it a try. Suicide is the cowards way out. You still have your whole life in front of you. To the gay adults out there, I don't have a clue what you went through during your struggle to realize you are gay. I'm sure you all have a story to tell. It probably wasn't pretty. But, you could make a difference in a kid's life, if you just try to help someone who needs you. That could make you feel lots better about what you had to go through. Please try.) A friend provided me with a list of sites that could anyone even thinking about suicide. Please try one, if you are: Suicide Prevention Resources US and Canada (limited listing): AACAP Teen Suicide American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry presents a brochure for the families and friends of depressed adolescents. http://www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/suicide.htm APA Teen Suicide American Psychiatry Association pamphlet covers the warning signs, how to approach a young person, and books and other references. http://www.psych.org/public_info/teen.html Yellow Ribbon Program Teens, their friends, and family can learn about this suicide-prevention movement founded by the Light for Life Foundation International. http://www.yellowribbon.org/ Youth Suicide Problems Focus on the problem in the homosexual and bisexual communities and the role of HIV, highlighted by Internet surveys and academic studies. http://www.virtualcity.com/youthsuicide/ Internet Mental Health Services Find a therapist providing online counseling through Metanoia's guide, which also discusses the ethic, legal, and confidentiality issues. http://www.metanoia.org/ Suicide Prevention - UIUC Info from the University of Illinois at Urbana Counseling Center. Includes danger signals, myths about suicide, and advice on seeking help. http://www.couns.uiuc.edu/suiprev.htm Suicide Help Practical advice for dealing with suicidal feelings. Hosted by Suicide Awareness Voices of Education. http://www.save.org/ Community Lifelines Online brochures cover such issues as dealing with suicidal thoughts, helping a depressed person, and coping with grief in the aftermath. http://www3.sympatico.ca/masecard/ Youth Suicide Prevention Programs US Department of health gives a detailed picture of the various strategies, including training, education, screening, support, and intervention. http://aepo-xdv-www.epo.cdc.gov/wonder/prevguid/p0000024/p0000024.htm Notes: In the US, each community is responsible for setting up its own suicide prevention and crisis center. In Canada, the suicide phone lines are subsidized by the provincial (state) level. To Be Continued Any reader's comments or criticisms are appreciated. The more comments I get, the quicker I will forward more chapters. Again, I am trying to tell the story using actual facts, but I do insert parts of the story that did not really happen. The boys always give me permission, before I submit my version. I hope you like this method of telling a story. Any comments can be sent to fsw99@mindspring.com. The only gratification I really get out of writing is your comments. I have made good friends out of Matt and Mark, and could use some more.