Disclaimer: This work is of pure fiction and any resemblance of the characters and settings to real life persons, events, circumstances, etc. is purely coincidental. This work involves the workings of love between consenting characters of teenage years and some stuff you might find offensive. If you are not a fan of this kind of literature, please proceed somewhere else. You know who you are and you should know whether or not to read this stuff. Think about the legal, moral and all those other shitty lines you might be crossing. This is not a quick jack off story.

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A/N: I feel reaaaally guilty right now for the long delay. I'll try making up for it this coming weeks. I'll TRY, promise!

Copyright kkrimson 2013


~Measuring Love~
* * * (Chapter 9)* * *
Infinite Strength


"You're a coward."

Those words kept on repeating themselves inside Dash's mind. Was he really a coward? He remembered telling his uncle when he was over nine years old that he was going to get his best friend back. It was days after they had moved to a new neighbourhood, right after their uncle got them from foster care, having been awarded custody over him and Mattie.

It had all happened so suddenly and quite unexpectedly.

When their uncle picked them up, Dash felt relieved, having been set free from all those nasty things he did with the other foster kids. Moreover, he was glad to have kept Mattie ignorant of those often painful experiences. Right when they got inside their uncle's SUV, he finally let his guard down, knowing that the best uncle in the world was there to look after them.

Driving down their new neighbourhood, Dash kept his eyes on the road outside the backseat window, watching the lines of houses that they passed by. Mattie slept on his lap. Right when they turned around a corner, his eyes widened at a smiling boy running after two other boys. It was his childhood best friend, Oli. The car seemed to move in slow motion as he kept his eyes on the boy, emotions rushing through him. It was wonderful to see that smile again, to be reminded of that unruly hair bouncing as Oli ran and was evidently laughing hard. He wanted to get out of the car immediately, but he didn't know what to say when he came face to face again with the beautiful boy. He turned to his uncle and told him that he found his best friend again. His uncle smiled at him, but didn't say a word.

He spent the next few days trying to find out where Oli lived. When he finally did so, he still couldn't muster up the courage to talk to the boy. And, seeing Oli with two other boys their age and having what seemed to be a very close friendship, he felt himself slowly fade to the background behind some bush on the other side of the street. He lost his best friend, he thought.

That didn't stop him from stalking Oli. It was the only thing he had the guts to do. Every time he had the chance, he would trail behind Oli while making sure that no one knew what he was doing. When Oli had his arms around those two other boys, he felt something stab his heart. He wasn't aware of jealousy. He didn't even know how he felt towards Oli just yet. He just knew that it hurt.

The night before he finally decided to talk to Oli, everything in their new house changed. His uncle wanted to play a new game with him. Mattie was in the living room watching TV while they were in his bedroom. He grinned from ear to ear, knowing that his uncle had always been fun to be around.

They sat on his bed and he was eagerly waiting for what his uncle had in store. The man had both hands behind his back. Was it a present? Right when he asked if it was a surprise or something, his uncle placed one hand on his knee. He didn't think anything of it. However, when he felt his shorts being pushed upward and the man's hand nearing his crotch, he felt his heart pounding and his grin leaving his innocent face. That's when his uncle's eyes changed and stayed that way ever since. Cold and lustful.

"You're a coward," his uncle had said. "I thought you found your best friend? Looks like you haven't talked to him."

He could only nod in response. Finding his voice, he asked, "What are we playing?"

"It's a man's game. I'm gonna make a man out of you, Dash. It'll be our secret. You don't need your best friend. I'll be here for you. Always."

His whole world had changed when his uncle slipped a hand under his shorts and placed it on top of his underwear, squeezing lightly on his... He knew what was to follow. That brief time he and Mattie spent in a foster home taught him well. He couldn't scream. He just sat there frozen, tears falling from his eyes as his uncle gently pushed him onto the bed and unbuttoned his shorts, pulled his underwear down and gripped tightly on...on his...

"You're a coward, and cowards never speak. You keep your mouth shut, or I'll make a man out of Mattie as well."

Their deal had been sealed when he felt cold lips on his neck.

~*~*~*~

"10 bucks."

"I'll give you 20. Just make sure Oli doesn't get hurt and it gets done fast."

"Only the other boy?"

"Yep. Keep Oliver out of this, but you can do anything to Dashawn. If I ever see..."

"It's a deal, faggot. Just give me my money."

Gabe didn't even get the chance to hand the money before it got swiped from his hand. The boy he talked to grinned at him as their group left him saying lots of things. He sighed. Somehow, he doubted what he did, but there was no stopping now. It was a done deal, and he could only hope that the big boys kept their end of the bargain.

"That's too far, Gabe," Anthony said.

"I'm doing this for my best friend."

"I just hope you know what you're doing."

The two boys began walking toward first period. When they arrived at their classroom, Gabe's eyes squinted, seeing Oli and Dash nowhere. He fisted his hand in his pocket, but mostly tried to keep his calm. The news would spread like wildfire in no time, and he would only wait `til lunchtime to have Dash sitting alone again while Oli came back to their table.

~*~*~*~

It didn't take long for Alex, Oli and Dash to get to the next town. It wasn't really that far. In fact, it only took them barely over half an hour to get there and another 15 minutes for Alex to receive a call.

"We have located the vehicle, sir. It's parked in front of a hardware store at 16th Avenue."

"Good. You caught the suspect?"

"Sir...you need to get here fast. We can't open the doors and we can't just..."

"What do you mean? Is it rigged with some explosive?"

"Dad!" Oli cut in. "What's happening? Did they find Mattie? Is he okay?"

Alex just shrugged at his son and continued, "Officer, is everything fine?"

"No explosives, sir. It's just that...the child won't come out. We tried forcing the doors open, but he..."

"We'll be there," Alex hung up.

"Dad, is Mattie okay?" Oli asked.

"They found him."

"How `bout his uncle?"

Alex just stepped on the gas and didn't even bother to answer his son. He knew that the suspect escaped. He could tell from the guy's tone on the phone. Still, he was thankful that Mattie had been found and he had some suspicion as to why the kid won't come out.

Arriving at the scene, it was Oli and Dash who immediately ran toward the vehicle. There were a couple of uniformed men standing by and no sign of Mattie. Right when they were beside the car, Oli's eyes caught sight of a silhouette from the opposite side of the tinted glass and he knew at that instant that Mattie was inside.

"Mattie!" Oli yelled as he tried opening the backseat door, but soon found it locked.

"Mattie, open the door," Dash insisted, banging on the window.

"No use, kid. We tried everything and he won't come out. You'll just scare him some more. Child services is on the way," one of the officers told them.

"Thank you, officer. I'll take it from here," Alex spoke.

"If you don't mind me asking, sir, but how are you related to the child? Is he your son?"

"He's my brother!" both Oli and Dash exclaimed.

Alex looked at both of the boys and he understood right at that instant how much Mattie meant to both boys. Smiling down at both of them, he moved toward the door and tried having it open. He was a lawyer, so he would negotiate with Mattie as subtly as he could.

~*~*~*~

"You want the truth?! He's not your so..."

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Y-you don't believe me? Hell, you don't even act like his father. I bet that you knew it from the start that he's not yours... And now you want his brother to stop being friends with Oliver? What is wrong with you?!"

"My SON is NOT gay! He's not s'posed to kiss that boy! And Matthew should learn to stand up for his own. I don't have a gay son and a sissy."

"Kenneth...what makes you think that your son is gay?! And I told you already, Matthew's not yours! If we are to have this divorce, you should know the truth, and since you don't even act like his father, he's coming with me. I'm taking Dashawn with me as well. You're sick, Kenneth! Even your brother hates you. And y'know what? He's bette..."

All the shouting in the room ended with the sharp sound of a hard slap. The tension still lingered in the air while Kenneth fisted his hand once more, breathed in deep and stared disgustingly at his wife.

Both of them knew for a long time that this divorce had to come. When Kenneth started to turn his back toward both Dash and Mattie, his wife knew for sure that something was amiss. She suspected long ago that maybe Kenneth had been seeing someone else, but she knew that he held a much deeper problem.

It wasn't until they had a conversation and Kenneth absentmindedly told her that he was sending Dashawn and Matthew away to a military school that her suspicions were finally confirmed. Kenneth disapproved of how the two kids grew up. As he put it, they were acting like sissies and not the men he was expecting of them. One was kissing his best friend behind Kenneth's back and the other cried nonstop and was always so frail.

When his wife talked to his brother, Dan, she discovered a lot more about her husband. She knew that Dan was gay. The man opened up to her once and warned her of how Kenneth might act when he catches what Dash and Oli had been doing together. What she saw as something innocent might actually stir hatred in her husband.

Her eyes were red with tears as she anticipated another hard slap from her husband. But when she heard his footsteps going away, she knew that their conversation had ended. They were still getting nowhere with all this. Kenneth had already been on prescription drugs since the possibility of a divorce came up. He had been taking antidepressants and sometimes, she caught him taking more than the prescribed dosage. And it didn't help that she could only care less. If someone between the two of them was actually having an affair...it was her. And she had to be with Dan.

Placing her hand against her abdomen, she felt hot tears once more as she remembered the two red lines that made her smile sadly just a few days earlier. She took a deep breath in and forced herself off the edge of the bed, retracing her husband's footsteps. They still had lots of things to talk about, and she could no longer keep quiet.

~*~*~*~

"Mattie...please, talk to me," Oli pleaded, pressing Mattie to his side.

"Dash," Alex began, looking at the boy through the rear-view mirror. "You and Mattie will stay with us for the time being. They still haven't caught your uncle and I want both of you to be safe... You will go to school with Oli and I'll have Mattie transferred there as soon as possible. Either Diane or I will pick you three up after school and no more detours or skipping classes this time..." Alex shifted his eyes toward Oli and continued, "...understood?"

Oli and Dash nodded while Mattie stared blankly at nothing in particular. It had took them some time to get the little boy to come out. Even Child Services couldn't coax Mattie to open the backseat door of his uncle's SUV. In the end, it was Alex that made the kid unlock the door and finally reveal his beaten self. Alex knew how to negotiate, but he didn't expect Mattie to respond to what he said...

"You're safe now, son..."

It wasn't a long way toward home, but the unsettling silence inside the car made the seconds count longer than it actually seemed.

~*~*~*~

The following day, there was still no progress with Mattie. He was admitted to a children's hospital and was placed under careful watch. The little boy refused to talk and still had that distant look in his eyes. Both Dash and Oli had to take care of him and Alex had to postpone the appointment set by Child Services to see Mattie. Dash, however, was asked several questions by people he barely knew and even cared about. No matter how much they acted like they cared, they were still the same adults that Dash came to hate.

Reluctantly, Dash and Oli had to leave Mattie while they went to school. They wouldn't have agreed had Alex not said that he would look after the little boy, or as they put it, their brother. Besides, Alex had said that he needed to try something out to have Mattie talking again.

For most of what happened, Oli and Dash forgot their little conversation with Gabe yesterday. All they thought about was Mattie and...their brother's current state. Right when they passed through the school's entrance, the whole problem with Gabe confronted them indirectly.

Ever since Oli can remember, he wasn't someone that could turn heads. Sure, a lot of people told him that he was cute. However, he wasn't really that good looking to have more than a couple pairs of eyes look at him so...intently. Still, this was so much different. Those several pairs of eyes were looking at him...disbelievingly and somehow...disgustedly. Moreover, those same pairs of eyes shifted toward Dash as well who was standing beside him.

"Dashawn..." someone far to their left had said amusingly. It took a few seconds for that someone to stand in front of them. "...I can see why Oliver shouldn't be with you...just looking at you...you're a faggot."

"Back off, James," Oliver hissed, putting himself in between Dash and the other boy who was definitely bigger than both of them.

"Hey, Oli," James said, smiling as he did so. "Gabriel and Anthony had been looking for you since yesterday. Where were you? We were all so worried about you..." Looking over at Dash, he said, "I hope you weren't with this fag over here."

"I said back off!" Oli repeated, fisting both his hands by his side.

James just raised an eyebrow at Oli as he took out his phone from his pocket. "You haven't seen this yet, have you?"

Oli took the phone that was handed to him and as soon as the video played on the screen, his eyes widened. It wasn't because Gabe had betrayed him, but because the focus of the whole video was him and Dash...holding hands. Sure, it might seem normal for some boys to be holding hands if it was only for a brief moment or for other circumstances. However, with Oli saying all those things...it came clear that he and Dash shared something deeper than just friendship.

"Sweet, isn't it? You defending your boyfriend while he just stood there almost saying nothing..."

"Who took this?" Oli mumbled, gripping tighter on the phone.

"Does it matter?" asked James. "What matters to me...well, to most of us here, is that Dashawn is a fag and he even took advantage of you...Oli, we're your friends...while Dashawn is just some scared boy who takes cover behind..."

Gasps were heard around the hallway they were in. Sure enough, a punch had been thrown toward James and had hit him squarely in the jaw. However, the attacker wasn't Oli, as most of them had been expecting. Nor was it Dash. Rubbing his jaw, James leered at the boy to his right and if it hadn't been for some other kid that stopped his arm from throwing a counterpunch, he would have found himself in the middle of another fight.

"Tony?" Oli asked, relief and disbelief clear in his eyes.

"Sorry, Oliver," Anthony replied, sending Oli an apologetic look.

"That's enough, James," the other boy who held James' arm said. "We'll be late for first period and you don't want to get suspended now, do you?"

"Fuck off, Brian," James scoffed, pulling his arm free of the other boy's grip. Eyeing Anthony, he said, "This isn't the end of it..."

The crowd, or most of the other kids that watched the whole exchange, quickly returned to their own business. James and his group also made their way toward first period after James made sure to bump Anthony's shoulder hard enough to shift the boy's balance and have him step back.

"Tony, do you know anything about this?" Oli asked as he went to Dash's side once again and looked at him ominously.

"I'm sorry, Oli...I shouldn't have...," Anthony trailed off.

"You mean..."

"It was Gabriel, wasn't it?" Dash said, finally finding his own voice. He wasn't being a coward earlier. He just didn't know what to do with all those eyes staring at him. He felt like drowning until Oli's voice echoed in his ears, defending him for his...both of their sake.

"You're a coward..." that same voice played in his head.

"I took that video," Anthony admitted, his gaze downcast.

"You...how could you?!" Oli exclaimed, stopping all of them in their tracks. "I thought we're friends!"

Oli didn't look back when he grabbed Dash's hand and led both of them toward their first class, leaving Anthony behind feeling guilty and ashamed. Oli was right. How could he have done something to hurt his friend? He closed his eyes for a brief moment, remembering his decision earlier. It was hard for him to choose sides, but he just had to. Gabe had went too far. And as for him, he would only seem like a hypocrite if he started looking down at both Oli and Dash just because they shared something so special...and beautiful. He had his own secrets, and unlike Oli and Dash, he knew how to keep them safely. And that was also due to how understanding his...lover was. And how quick his lover could stop a punch that was sure to give him a broken nose. He sighed, knowing he could do no more than that.

~*~*~*~

"He's not your son!"

"You lying bitch!"

Another slap had hit her cheek, but she didn't feel any more pain. It was time to let out all the truth, for the sake of her sons and her own. With both their voices filling the small room they were in, it was impossible for them to hear the doorbell ring.

"You want to keep both of the boys? Keep them! But making up that lie, I won't allow you to ridicule me!"

"You're so full of yourself! You claim to be their father, but you don't act like it! Can't you see they need you to be there for them? Matthew keeps asking me why you won't even play with him and Dash is getting scared of how you're starting to act `round him...you..."

It didn't take much for Kenneth to draw out his magnum and point it at his wife. His own badge that was pinned loosely on his uniform reflected the flicker of light that shone off it.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up."

"Shoot me..." his wife mumbled. "...you want to kill me? Shoot! A police officer shooting his own wife...how..."

"My son is not gay..."

"You're pathetic...a fucking homophobe...your brother's gay and you can't even see that...he just wants you to..."

And that was when a loud `bang' filled the room and...

...for Kenneth to wake up from a forgotten nightmare and see himself inside the prison cell that had taken away his freedom.

~*~*~*~

The rest of the day passed Oli and Dash and all those other kids that had been staring at both of them like they were the plague or something. They hadn't seen Gabe around and they had been avoiding Anthony altogether. James and those other kids didn't bother them anymore, which seemed concerning enough. It felt like a plot was brewing and was only waiting for the right time to be initiated. Oli might have been paranoid, but he had every right to be since he felt that trouble was just around the corner...and Dash...he needed to protect Dash.

While they were waiting for Oli's mom to pick them up, Anthony came up with someone else by his side.

"Oli," Anthony greeted.

"Get lost," Oli replied, looking fiercely at his...friend.

"I just want to talk."

"I don't," Oli said.

"Please, Oli..."

"I told you to..."

"Oli," Dash interrupted. "Anthony might know something we don't."

"I just want to help..."

"Help?! You want to help? How? By taking that video and sending it to everyone?! What now? You want to take another one with Dash and I holding hands?!

"Oliver..."

"Here!" Oli yelled, taking hold of Dash's hand so swiftly. "See if I care!"

"Stop it, Oliver."

Oli's gaze immediately fell on the boy beside Anthony. He squinted his eyes and asked, "Who are you?"

"Brian," the boy answered. "We have math together."

"I don't care," Oli responded.

"You don't have to. Just listen to what Anthony has to say..."

"I. Don't. Care," Oli repeated.

"For fuck's sake, Oliver!" Dash blurted out, pulling his hand free of Oli's grip. "Stop being so stubborn and just listen to your friend."

Oli looked disbelievingly at Dash, but the other boy just grunted and nodded toward Anthony.

"...O-Oli," Anthony stuttered, surprised at the exchange between Oli and Dash. He cleared his throat and began once more. "I think you know that Gabe doesn't want you to have anything to do with Dashaw..."

"Just call me Dash."

"...Dash," Anthony corrected. "He said that both of you are...well, faggots..."

"Like he isn't one," Oli mumbled.

"He made me take that video," Anthony continued, "...said that everyone should know and...and he wants Dash to be bullied while making sure you stay out of it..."

"He made a deal with James," Brian cut in. "...with our group to make sure Dash gets beaten..."

"So you both are part of this!" Oli accused, feeling himself well up with more hatred toward his best friend.

"We were," Anthony said. "But you're one of my best friends, Oli. I don't want to see you get hurt. It's my fault that I agreed to what Gabe had me do. I'm...I'm sorry."

"Are you sure this is not part of your plan?" Dash asked, keeping his voice in total control.

"We promise!" Anthony and Brian said together.

"I don't know what Gabe is up to," Anthony said.

"...James, either," Brian added.

"But we know someone who can help."

"Who?" Oli asked, but he still felt doubtful.

"He's not who you think he is, Oli," Anthony said. "He's helped us numerous times and he should know how to deal with Gabe..."

Oli furrowed his eyebrows once more and was about to ask the same question when he heard someone call his name.

"Oli, buddy!"

It was James, and from the smile on his face, it was clear that he had something bad in mind. He approached them and just right behind him was Gabe.

Oli looked at his former best friend fiercely, but Gabe just shrugged at him and was smiling his own little way.

"I see Dash is still with you," Gabe said, standing in front of Oli.

"None of your business," Oli countered.

"Business, eh?" James said. "Well, I'm here `coz of business. 20 bucks is 20 bucks, I tell you..."

"You paid him to do this?"

"I'd do anything to keep you safe..." Gabe said.

"You'd do anything to ruin my life," Oli corrected as he turned to walk away. He wasn't concerned anymore with who saw him holding hands with Dash. Gripping the other boy's hand again, he threw a quick look at Dash and they both started on their way toward Oli's home. If he had to stay and wait for his mom to pick them up, he couldn't have held back his anger much longer.

With Oli and Dash finally out of earshot, Gabe, Anthony, James and Brian engaged in their own conversation. They still had much to discuss since Gabe's original plan had steered further from how it should have gone. Consequently, he had to alter some things and made some compromises. And now, he needed some more time to get things going his way.

"I see you've switched sides, Tony," Gabe said, but he wasn't looking at Anthony. Instead, his eyes settled on Oli's retreating figure in the distance.

"I know what I'm doing," said Anthony. "Oli's one of my best friends, and so are you, Gabe. I don't like taking sides, but you've gone far enough. I can't even understand now why we made that promise when we first met Oli...you've changed a lot..."

"Oli changed," Gabe argued. "He left us for some...some..."

"...faggot," James added.

Unknown to both Gabe and James, the anger brewing inside Anthony was beginning to fill up to the brim. If it wasn't for Brian that `unintentionally' brushed hands with him, he would've stormed off and left his best friend. However, he knew that he had to be the mediator between his two best friends. If Oli and Gabe did, in fact, forget the promises they had once exchanged, he was far too different. He knew the value of a promise as he was meant to keep the one he gave Brian...his own secret lover.

Sighing inwardly, he turned to face Gabe and said, "None of us have changed...and I'm sure of that."

He left without saying anything more and he didn't even wait for Brian to follow him. He knew that the other boy understood, and if they were to keep their whole affair a secret, it would do them good if they weren't seen together most of the time. They only seemed like acquaintances around school and every other place filled with eyes clouded with contempt. On the other hand, they shared so much more than what everyone else thought. That wasn't a surprise `coz they have already been together for more than a year.

"He's a faggot, isn't he?" James asked no one in particular.

"...not my concern," said Gabe. "Just make sure to stick to our deal."

"I would've if it wasn't for your friend and," he shot a fierce look toward Brian before saying, "...don't worry. I honour my debts."

"For a bully, you sound so noble," Gabe pointed out as he began toward the sidewalk.

"Money talks, asshole," James replied. He turned around and bumped shoulders with Brian, adding, "C'mon. You still owe me. Big time."

Brian knew not to argue. And don't even get the wrong idea that he would soon be kneeling in front of James, giving the boy a blowjob. James was definitely straight and he evidently hated everyone that acted out as sissies and gay and that included touching another boy. What he owed James would probably be paid off by a game at the arcade later.

~*~*~*~

"Am I...a coward?" he mumbled, mostly to himself. The water dripping down his back somehow felt cold.

"Hm?" Oli asked, looking quizzically at him.

"Nothing," he said, returning Oli's gaze while masking the sadness in his eyes.

"You can tell me anything...everything, Dash" said Oli. "...I want to know everything about you."

Funny, he thought. As far as he can remember, Oli was the only person that knew him inside and out. Well, that was a long time ago, when Oli still had his memory intact. He trusted Oli and they shared each other's secrets, dreams, fears and almost everything else that could be kept between two boys that shared a deep bond. He sighed as he finally felt the water warming his body. He knew that he could still trust Oli.

"Am I...a coward," he asked. "Oli...?"

"What makes you say that?" Oli questioned disbelievingly.

"Well," he began. "...remember what I told you? That I...stalked you, but I couldn't even talk to you. I felt scared and seeing you with..."

"Ssshh," Oli hushed him, pressing a finger on his lips. "You're not a coward, Dash... You kept me safe all these years and that is the bravest thing anyone has done for me..."

It wasn't brave enough, he thought. If anyone could really muster enough courage to actually be brave, then it wouldn't have taken much to jump out from behind the bush and into the open, to call the name of one's best friend and be together once again. That wasn't what he did. He hid himself. He cowered behind a bush or anything else that concealed himself. He was definitely a coward.

"Don't give me that look," Oli told him, brushing some of the wet curls that fell down his eyes. "You're one of the bravest persons I know, Dash. You kept me safe, protected Mattie and didn't lose yourself. If it had been me that went through what you did, I...would've become insane."

Oli did have a point. He had been through a lot, but he held closely to the things that mattered most to him. There was Oli and, of course, Mattie. They kept him sane and even if he had almost lost all hope, he never thought of giving up. If he had to put himself on the line for the sake of those two boys, he wouldn't have had any second thoughts.

So he wasn't a coward.

He smiled gently at Oli and placed his hand `round the other boy's waist. He leaned in just as Oli removed the finger that hushed his trembling lips. `Not a coward,' he thought repeatedly. And to prove just that, he wouldn't hold back anymore from kissing Oli.

Even as the thought of being a coward left his mind, another disturbing fact stirred him. He wasn't a coward. He was only ashamed.

Pulling back from the kiss, he stared deeply into Oli's clouded eyes once more. It was him this time that brushed the strands of hair that fell down Oli's eyes.

"I think...," he started. "I think I know what's wrong with me."

"Nothing's wro..."

"No," he interrupted. "Just listen..."

Oli looked at him, but didn't say anything more.

"I was...ashamed..." he trailed off and Oli just looked at him questioningly. "While we were in a foster home, I did nasty stuff with other kids..."

"I don't care..."

"Please, Oli," he hushed Oli this time by placing his finger on the boy's lips. "...like I said, I did some nasty stuff. And...when I saw you once again, I guess I couldn't even face you knowing that I did all those stuff with other kids...I thought you'd hate me...you wouldn't be friends with me again."

"Why wouldn't I?" Oli mumbled against his finger.

"'coz, I kinda betrayed you," he answered. "You told me back then, before I lost you, that I shouldn't be kissing anyone else besides you... Well, I broke that promise... sorry."

"I said that?" Oli asked and he just nodded.

"You would've hated me."

"No, I wouldn't," Oli argued. "Even if I didn't lose my memories, I still won't hate you. You didn't do that on purpose, Dash...And I knew you wouldn't."

"What if...," he paused, "What if I did?"

"Huh?"

"What if I liked doing all those things? What if I broke that promise on purpose? What if I was the one who hated you `coz you left me?!"

"Dash..."

"Hn," he scoffed. "...I didn't like doing those things. I couldn't do anything, but just to protect Mattie. I missed you, but I didn't hate you..."

Oli cut him off by pulling him into a hug.

"I'm sorry...," he said.

"You don't have to," Oli whispered. "I should be saying that...I didn't mean to forget you...and Mattie..."

Oli drew back from the hug and kissed him once more, sharing the only thing that has been shared for the umpteenth time between them.

"I know what we have to do," Oli said after they broke the kiss.

"What?" he asked.

"Mattie needs us. We should be strong for him," replied Oli. "If we somehow broke some of the promises we made to each other...and we didn't mean to do that, `kay...we shouldn't start breaking the promises we made to Mattie. We're his big brothers, right? We should be strong for him..."

Oli was right. He smiled sweetly and nodded. Both his hands found their way `round Oli's waist again as he pulled the other boy into him. Another kiss had been shared, but it didn't end on either one's lips. It went further down Oli's neck, chest, tummy, groin and...glans. And he knew that a long trail of kisses would soon go down his body.

Steam had engulfed them, and in its warm embrace they found each other's strength. Even the mere act of confessing to each other required a lot of courage. Neither of them was a coward, and surely not him. And right now, they needed that strength for Mattie's sake.

~*~*~*~

In Mattie's dream, everything seemed confusing. He felt warm like he did just the other night before he found himself living his brother's nightmare. However, unlike the previous dream he had, Oli's smile and Dash's embrace weren't there to soothe him. He now found himself confined in a dark room. His body felt weak and he knew that he was dirty from head to toe.

"...dirty."

He felt a tear travel down his cheek and that wasn't enough to cleanse him. Even if he cried nonstop, no amount of tears could wash away the filth that covered him. His breath hitched as he drew his knees close to his chest.

"Mattie..."

The voice was...different. He haven't heard anyone say his name that way before. It sounded strong, dependable and protective. It sounded so much unlike his dad. Hell, he wasn't even sure who his father was anymore.

"No more than your real dad..."

Whose son was he anyway? He knew that he shared the same hazelnut eyes with Dash and those brown curls that fell partly over his eyes told him that he shared the same traits with his brother. But was it possible to share those same looks without sharing the same mom and dad? Was he even his mother's child to begin with? Maybe he was adopted like Oli. That could explain why his father treated him coldly.

He looked up to the man, loved him and was always so proud of him. Still, his dad only looked down on him. He wasn't praised. He was scolded. He wasn't held and carried by arms that promised safety. He was pushed away. A ball had never been thrown for him to catch. He was left to play on his own. If it wasn't for his big brother and Oli, he would've been utterly lonely. Even if he couldn't remember being Oli's friend back when he was younger, Dash did say that Oli was his second big brother.

And...and he also felt thankful for the times his uncle spent with him. He held those precious memories, but desperately let go of them as soon as his uncle began treating his brother badly. Unknown to him, the whole situation had been reversed once their uncle took them in. If his...dad treated him coldly while always being so cool with Dash, his uncle turned things upside down. Once they were under his uncle's care, it was him that enjoyed all the attention while Dash was shunned aside. That's what he thought until he heard Dash's cries from within their room. Dash had, in fact, spent so much more time with his uncle, but not in the way he pictured or wanted it to be.

"You're safe now, son..."

That same, yet unfamiliar voice echoed. Was he really safe? Where was he anyway? He knew he was inside a dream...a nightmare, perhaps. Everything seemed surreal, but he couldn't wake up. He wanted to, but he didn't know whose face he would see first. Would it still be his uncle's? Dash's... The owner of that deep voice? Or...or Oli?

~*~*~*~

"O-Oli..."

If there was something to be thankful for right now, it was the sound of Mattie's raspy and tired voice urging Oli awake. The little boy had been released from the hospital that afternoon and everyone was thankful for that. Despite the...visible scars of abuse on Mattie's body, everyone who knew of what the kid had been through felt sure that everything would soon heal and be okay.

Oli had his arm right around the little boy's tummy, hugging Mattie close to him as if spooning the boy he now saw as his own little brother.

Dash was lying by Mattie's other side, but he wasn't holding his brother the same way Oli did. Instead, he had his back toward Mattie as thoughts came racing through his mind while he kept pondering on what happened at their school. Unsurprisingly, what Oli said earlier when they took a shower together came back to his mind.

"You're not a coward, Dash... You kept me safe all these years and that is the bravest thing anyone has done for me..."

Oli's voice in his head echoed clearly, but Mattie's seemingly distant voice still reached him as he immediately turned to look at the little brother he had thought was lost.

"Mattie," Oli mumbled through his smile, shifting himself to sit beside the boy. "...thank god..."

"We're here, Mattie," Dash said, rubbing his hand against his brother's soft cheek.

Despite having said Oli's name, the same distant look lingered in Mattie's eyes. His mind was still somewhere else and drifting further away from reality. The words he mumbled meant no more than just that – words. They were hollow, silent and weak.

"Mattie?" Oli asked, receiving no reply or even a gaze from the said boy.

"He can't hear us," Dash murmured, realising the far too obvious fact.

"No...," Oli argued. "He can hear us. We just have to wait for...for him."

"D-Dashu," Mattie slurred.

"Mattie!" Dash placed both of his hands on Mattie's shoulders and held him as gently and tightly as he could. "I'm here, I'm here!"

"See?" Oli said, smiling hopefully at Dash. "Let's try calling him together."

Dash nodded, and as soon as Oli opened his mouth, the sound of Mattie's name slipped past both of their lips.

"Mattie!"

And for the first time since getting Mattie home, the little boy's eyes flickered as he blinked briefly. It wasn't something noticeable to both Oli and Dash, but Mattie finally felt the gentle tug that came with the echoing voices calling his name. It wasn't the same voice that plagued his nightmares for the past couple of days. It wasn't his uncle's voice. And it wasn't that other voice that promised him safety. It was his brothers'. They called out to him. Now all he had to do was answer.

~*~*~*~

On some other town was a man clothed discreetly while walking down the sidewalk toward a restaurant. He had shaved just an hour ago and gave himself a buzz cut. He had been careless, but with how he appeared right now, he was sure not to attract any unwanted attention. That was the last thing he sought ever since his name began to appear on the local news channel as someone wanted for murder, kidnapping and...child abuse. He had laughed bitterly when he first saw his own face on TV. He had made a name for himself, but not the way he pictured it. Still, he felt like some Hollywood star disguised as one of the many ordinary people, hidden from all those paparazzi who were, in his case, armed with guns and instead of asking for his autograph, they would have taken both his hands and cuffed it behind his back.

Why did he leave Mattie in the car anyway? For one thing, the stain on the little boy's shorts would be very questionable to anyone who saw it. He had only gone in to the hardware store for five minutes to buy some supplies. When he was supposed to go back to his SUV, he saw a police car parked right beside his. He knew right then that he was in trouble. Just when the two officers turned their back toward the store's entrance, he slipped past the doors and went away as swiftly as he could. He didn't dare to look back. Turning `round the store's corner, he threw one last glance toward the tinted backseat window of his SUV and saw one of the officers trying to have it opened while the other walked into the store. He cursed under his breath and that was the only thing he could do.

The sound of thunder reminded him of where he was, sitting alone beside a large window in a quiet restaurant. He turned his gaze outside and was reminded of that almost same sound long ago. It was the night he found the closet that he buried long before that. However, instead of coming out and admitting to himself and to others who he really was, he had decided to put his brother inside that same closet. He thought that his brother would finally come to realize just how claustrophobic the tight space made him feel. He had locked both themselves in, but not in the exact same place. The closet his brother was in had a steel door and was on constant surveillance while his closet had a fragile wooden door that he could no longer push open.

He had murdered four people that night – his brother, his brother's wife, himself and...his child. He hadn't known the last victim until the mother told him. He wept for a moment, but he couldn't save anyone from himself.

If he had counted four murders that night, he was crucially wrong. He had also killed two other people. For if murder was indeed a gruesome theft, then he had stolen the innocence of two little boys.

"What'll you be having, sir?" asked the waitress who was now at his table.

He thought for a while before letting a smile settle on his lips. There were two ways in front of him which he could follow. Either he would make everything right, or he would continue down the same path that led to this point of his life. He shifted on his seat, placed both his hands on the table and clasped them together, cleared his throat and placed his order.

"Surprise me."

Whichever way he would end up choosing, one thing was for sure. It would all begin tonight.


~ End of Chapter ~


Uhm... sorry? No, really. I deeply apologize for the long wait for this chapter... T.T Real life has been somewhat...exciting, stressful and just everything else that could keep me away from the keyboard. I'm trying me best to balance most of my time, but I just had to sacrifice my writing for a bit. Sorry :( I hope you understand.

Anyway, send me your awesome messages here. It considerably warms my heart knowing you reached out to me in as much as how I reached out to you with my stories. krispykrimson@gmail.com

Oh, and please do check out my other finished story here:Singing Hearts

Next chapter, we seriously start counting kisses!

With love and always wishing you the best,
kkrimson.