My First Love

By: Goth

Authors Note: I want to thank everyone for all the replies this story has generated. I am glad you all are enjoying it. A few have had a couple of problems with different browsers so to make it plain and simple you will notice the change in color. Light blue isn't too bad ehh? Well onward to the story where we just left Justin and Billie in the hot steamy showers ;-)

Warning The following story contains homoerotic situations between two teens. If this offends you (You're here why?) Then leave. By law you must be 18 to read this type of fiction (21 in some states) if your not, tell your parents to set up parental controls. If where you live has prohibited this kind of material do not read any further.

Copyright 2001-2008 by Goth, The following works shall not be republished, copied, reproduced for sale, without the authors written consent! This works may be copied and printed for personal use only.

Chapter Four


When I woke up I was half expecting to be in my room, in my bed and in a reality where all of this hadn't happened. But when the sunshine flooded my eyes and I looked across from me there was Justin. He was smiling in his sleep, as the sun shined through the screen window and illuminated him. He had called me an Angel last night in the showers. But as I looked at him I thought of him the same way. Maybe not angelic so maybe he was a fallen Angel looking for his way. His eye liner was almost gone I never really liked guys who wore eye liner but it worked on him.

I wanted to crawl on top of him and kiss him awake but a familiar smell filled my nostrils. It sent a growl from my stomach. Bacon! (No it's beggin' strips!! J) I decided to be daring however and I leaned over him. He looked so beautiful to me, almost like he was glass and I could break him. I don't know why but I always felt that from him, like he was so fragile, yet he was always so tough on the outside. He stirred as if he felt my presence. I took my opportunity and leaned in. My lips met his just as he began to stretch and yawn. His eye's shot open, but then he smiled and pulled me against him.

I wanted to lay there all day holding each other and basking in the love he wanted to give but we had to get up. I rolled off of him and he stretched again. Even when he stretches he's irresistible his back arched and his shirt raised up showing off his growing happy trail, his waistband was loose and showed off the top of his cheeks. I felt myself stiffen. I blushed when he looked over at me and he smiled.

We laid there for a little while not saying anything just laying there. It was strange I didn't think I'd ever be comfortable enough around anyone to be this silent. My Dad knocked somewhat on the tent and said it was time to get up. We got out of the tent and sat down around the bench with my parents. My Dad was flipping some bacon on the griddle my Mom sipped on some coffee that they probably made with that weird bubbler thing. I always liked watching them make it with that strange thing. Justin yawned and flipped his bangs out of his eyes.

"Such pretty blue eyes you have Justin! You really shouldn't hide them!" My Mom said.

Justin blushed a deep shade of red and coyly said thanks. I almost giggled and nearly said he was adorable but right before it left my lips the bulb flashed in my head, you could say. After breakfast which consisted of eggs and bacon we woke up all the way. The water brushed against the shore and some hawks above cawed my Mother pointed at them everything seemed so perfect. But even though Justin still had a strange look in his eyes and face. He always seemed so troubled or deep in thought.

I looked at him, wondering what he could always be thinking about, it worried me. When I'd see him looking out into oblivion almost like he was trapped in his head. I caught my Dad's glance, his eyes met mine for a minute and sent a chill of panic through me. His eyes seemed to ask me what I was doing. As if he saw my feelings for Justin in my stare. Justin looked over at me and pointed behind my Dad.

"Look a squirrel!" Justin said.

I turned to look and so did my parents, sure enough there looking at us was a squirrel. It watched us as we watched it, then scurried away. After awhile I asked if Justin and I could go for a hike. My Mom as always was worried and wanted us to take my Dad along. My Dad said it was ok if we went alone however.

My Dad gave us some fake snow, you know the canned kind. So we could mark a trail in case we got lost. Angie said she needed to run to the store and would be back in a little. My Dad wondered to the showers and we left in another direction.

Once I thought we were far enough out of sight from the camp I grabbed Justin's hand. He stopped in mid-step and looked at our hands, a smile grew on his face and we started walking again, out of nowhere Justin started singing.

"I've got a crush on a pretty pistol, should I tell him I feel this way?"

I jabbed him in the ribs, "That's not a good song for love. Heck you didn`t say it right either."

"Ha, give me a break, it's not like I listen to lovey-dovey music, Manson's Love Song is all I got! Plus I don`t like girls. So `him` is better than `her`." He smiled and laughed.

We walked further down the trail and Justin sprayed some leaves. He stopped in mid step and said "Whoa!"

I looked at him and my curiosity took over. "What?"

"Is that Nick... and Jimmy?" he said in disbelief, I looked over and saw what he was looking at.

"Wow I wonder if we look that hot kissing?" Justin said

"Hey!" I said as I elbowed him. "Ya perv!"

"And you weren't thinking the same Mr. Tent-Pants?"

I looked down and blushed. "Ok so maybe I was, who would have thought though?"

"Not me, that's for sure!"

"Well shall we go on?" I said. Right as I finished Jimmy saw us and his eye's bulged. His face paled and Nick turned to see what caused his reaction. His mouth fell open then his face burned red.

He walked up to us and was acting confrontational. Justin just had a huge smile across his face. Probably as Jimmy had given Justin so many problems.

"You didn't see anything trash!" Jimmy directed at Justin. Justin cringed inwardly, I could just tell. On the outside he maintained his composure. His lips grew wide and raised in the most wicked of wicked smiles.

"Really to me it looked like you had your tongue halfway down Nick's throat, digested field rat."

I laughed, Jimmy always called Justin Trash, for white trash, yet Justin always came back with something else.

"I swear to God I'll beat you until your dead Trash!"

"Lot's of witnesses you sure your up to hot and hard prison sex little rich boy, plus when you didn't beat me to death, because you couldn't I'd tell every single soul in school what I saw. So instead of calling me trash, rich trash, why don't you give me respect as I now have your soul in the palm of my hand, buboe." Justin retaliated.

I just watched the expressions on Jimmy's face, Nick looked sick. I felt bad for them but I knew Justin would never tell a soul even if he hated Jimmy, he'd feel too bad for Nick who was always neutral.

"I just swear!"

"Swear what? All I'm asking for is that you give me respect, which includes not calling me Trash, call it a forced truce. You leave me alone, I leave you alone, and your secret is safe."

"How can I trust you?"

"You just have to, that's all you can do now isn't it?"

"Fine." Nick said. He grabbed Jimmy by the hand and dragged him off.

"Wow! Babe seriously! Damn!"

Justin blushed at me, "Thanks, why don't we go back? I bet your Mom is back and probably worried."

"Yeah we should, come on" I said taking the point. We didn't need the markings but we followed them anyway. When we got back my Mom was sitting across from my Dad at the bench. They were laughing and having a good time. I looked at Justin, he had a faraway look in his eyes. I couldn't explain it, but he snapped out of it when my Mom spoke.

"Oh hey you two. Did you boys have fun?"

"Yes Mom! Looks like you and Dad are having a good time too."

"Yes we are."

The rest of the day was slow, we all just lazed around our campsite, my parent's stayed near the bench, while Justin and I hung out under the canopy on our tent. A little before five we started to pack up the stuff. We packed it into the back of the van and and we left shortly after we finished.

On the way home we got off at Deer Valley and went to the waffle house for dinner. We sat at a table next to the bar and my parent's sat on the bar stools next to the table. Justin's hand met mine under the table. As the waitress walked over to us she smiled at us, it was then I noticed you could see under the table from her side. I blushed at her and Justin's hand got clammy.

We all ordered our drinks and meals. Justin and I both got a burger, Justin got hash browns smothered and covered, and I just got mine smothered and peppered. As usual Justin and I ate like pigs and my parent's slowly ate away theirs. The waitress came up to us with two milkshakes.

"On the house for you little studs." She winked.

We said thanks in unison and she laughed. She filled my Mothers coffee cup back up and asked my Dad is he wanted a refill on his iced tea. After we were done with the milkshakes, my Dad left a big tip on the counter, we paid then left. It was just about a 20 minute ride home on the freeway. We dropped Justin off at home and he thanked my parent's for having him along.

About 2 hours after we got home I got on the phone with Justin. We talked about nothing for about an 20 minutes, then he said he had to go. We had one of the "no, you hang up fights." In the end it was Justin who lost.

The rest of my night went by fast as thoughts of Justin kept me occupied and happy. When my Mom did her routine check before I thanked her for letting Justin come on our family trip. She smiled and told me she liked him.

"He seems like a very nice kid. At first I was worried with how he was dressed. I won't lie to you, that's why I let him stay the night I wanted to see if he was ok. I trust your judgment but I wanted to be sure, but he is very nice. A little preoccupied sometimes but I think he's a good kid. Sleep tight honey."

"Night, Mom and Dad."

When they closed my door I stripped down to my boxers and climbed in bed. I tried to sleep, but thoughts of Justin kept me awake. I wanted to see him there next to me. I wanted to feel his warmth and touch him, unrestricted.

My thoughts wandered to when we were in the shower. The steam surrounded us and his eyes glimmered it seemed. He looked so beautiful, his body filled my minds eye as my hand went under my waistband. I could feel my lips gliding over his body like in the shower. My hand was pumping my hardening dick, sending pleasure through me. My eyes traveled further down Justin's image to his sexy hips, and his treasure trail. I could see him bite his lip, in the memory, and it excited me even more. My hand pumped faster on my cock and some fluids leaked out, it reminded me when his mouth covered me like a abyss of fiery pleasure. It was all I needed, as my body shivered from the overload, my penis expanded and erupted, the first squirt landed on my cheek the rest went on my stomach and groin. I laid there for a minute basking in the aftermath of my orgasm. Before I even knew it I was sleeping.


When I got home I waited before Billie and his parent's left before I opened the door. I knew my Dad would be waiting and because I hadn't come home I knew he'd be mad. Even if my Mom gave me permission I know who really has the only right to do so. I quietly stuck my key in the hole and opened the door. I heard the TV, some old western was playing which meant I had an hour or so before the confrontation.

I started for my room when he called. I walked over to him, preparing myself for what might come next, you could never tell completely with him. "Where have you been boy?"

"I spent the night at a friends."

"I know that, why were you gone? Did you get permission from me?"

It would be so easy to say yea, from Mom, but I knew that would just cause him to flip out on both of us. I braced myself as I let the fatal word leave my lips. "No... I'm sorry, I didn't think."

"Damn right you didn't think! What you think your a big man now huh? You live under my roof and I will know every move you make!" His fists began to ball up, and I felt sweat start to moisten my hands and forehead. His face twisted and began to get red. I felt myself dying inside, as his glare tore me to shreds. "Come here!" He said.

I took a step closer, he prompted me again, and I took one more step. "No boy, right here!" He pointed by his feet. I took the final two steps needed, "Closer, lean down I want to see your face." a chill ran up my spine and the energy inside of me was going crazy. I wanted to cry already, as fear began seeping into my bones. I bent closer and in a blur of motion I felt as his knuckles slammed into my cheek bone. The force of the blow knocked me to the ground. He stood and looked down at me.

"Now look what you made me do!" He said Right as my Mom walked into the room. She looked at us an assessed the situation.

"Jason!! Why?"

"Go back to the room bitch! Your next!" He shouted at the top of his lungs. My face was throbbing and tears stained my cheeks. I couldn't control them from flowing, I never could, and if I did it made it so much worse. He came closer to me and I backed away from him. I knew as I did it, it would only cause more pain, but everything inside of me screamed for me to get away. But my brain pleaded for me to stay still, knowing what the outcome would be.

"Jason, please! He's just a boy!"

He lunged towards her and back handed her. Then shoved her into the wall. She let out a small cry as he held her by her throat. I froze in a panic then my brain clicked and I mustered up all of my courage. "Leave her alone!" I said, barely above a whisper. She heard me however and said no. Her eyes met mine, but I couldn't let her get hurt. "Leave her alone!" I said a lot louder, and it even shocked me.

He turned and looked at me with a wildfire in his eyes. "What did you just say? You want to die boy?!"

My head shook involuntarily at his question but I knew it rhetorical. He let go of her and walked towards me. I got up and walked backwards from him. He kept advancing shortening the distance in every stride. I found myself pressed against the wall. He grabbed me by the arm and swung me into the wall to me right. His hand met my face three of four times, each slap making my cheeks tingle in pain. A familiar taste filled my mouth, he grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me towards him then he pushed me right back into the wall. My Mom grabbed him from behind and he swung around and hit her right in the head.

She fell to the floor and didn't move. Sheer white panic filled me, cutting at my sanity. "STOP IT!! LEAVE US ALONE!" I screamed. His elbow hit my chest, and he threw me into the front door. The door knob rammed into my lower spine and I cried out in pain. He punched me in the stomach and it sent me to my knees.

I felt the pain on the back of my skull which caused my vision to got white. Everything went away. When I woke up my Mom was sitting on the couch, a huge black eye adorned her delicate face and she looked at me with tears in her eyes. She put her finger to her lips, my Dad snored in his chair. We both went into the kitchen.

"Oh my poor baby, are you okay?"

"Yea... are you?"

"Yes..." she said looking at the ground.

"Mom why don't we just call the police, he's sleeping, the cops would come and take him away. He'd have to stay in jail a full night and that would give us enough time to get out of here."

"We cant Justin! You know that... I know he's mean when he's drunk but we just have to deal with it. I'm afraid he'd kill us if we did what you suggested."

"Mom, please, he's gonna kill us if we don't."

"I just... I can't."

I understood her fear but at the moment I was sickened by her. We could end this and be free but she never would. I got up and went to my room. Right after I closed my door our phone rang. I picked it up and it was Billie. I talked to him for just a little bit. I knew if he woke up, he'd kill me for not having his `permission' to talk on the phone. So I talked for a little bit then told Billie I had to go. I tried keeping my pain out of my voice, it wasn't too hard, not with talking to Billie. His voice alone seemed to be like an endorphin pumping in relief and happiness, if only for a moment. When I hung up I tried laying down but I just hurt too much.

I knew what song I wanted as I lay there numbing myself. "I want to disappear" By Marilyn Manson. His lyrics seemed to be perfect for my life. I silently song along, "Hey we love the abuse, because it makes us feel like we're needed now, but I know, I wanna disappear."

I sighed out loud and hugged myself trying to make it from hurting inside so much. Every time he did this to us I could feel myself dying, like a void buried deep within, taking over slowly, eating me whole. Everything seems so broken, as if I was inside an oblivion of blackness. I wanted to cry, scream, kick, punch, claw, die, and kill at the same time. I wanted to cry out my frustration while shoving my fist down his throat and watching him gag to death.

I looked at the clock, it read 9:01. I rolled onto my aching back and found my spot. The spot on my roof, was so small you wouldn't see it without looking for it, but I could always find it. I focused on it and let my mind shut off. I watched it grow from a tiny spot into everything in a second.

When I snapped out of it, it was because my Dad. He was standing above me, "What the fuck is wrong with you, I've been yelling at you for almost ten minutes! I swear to God boy if I have to take you to the hospital your dead!"

I blinked my confusion at him, for ten minutes? Usually when I space out on my spot I hear right when my door opens. My Dad hit my leg and told me to get to sleep because I had a long day tomorrow. When he left my room I sighed out of relief and to relieve the stress. A long day? Great! I looked at my clock and nearly jumped out of my skin. It plainly read 12:43.

He woke me at 5AM. My head throbbed and my body ached. I stumbled out of bed, did my business, then he shouted telling me I had five minutes to be dressed. I decided just to leave my clothes on that I had slept in. I already knew what was coming next. Yard work, he always made me work the next day after supposedly disobeying him. It was all about control and I knew that.

First was pulling weeds, then raking, mowing, the weed eating. After I re-raked I picked up the piles of grass. Then it was onto the porch, then the garage. By 2 I was so worn out, and my stomach was threatening to eat itself. My mouth was dry, he dragged me out front while he sat in a chair and ate a sandwich and drank a glass of hot cocoa. I peered at him now and then daring a glare. When I was done with the front he made me do our alley way area with the weed eater. Finally he let me rest.

My muscles screamed with joy when I hit the warm insides of my house, my Mom had a sandwich, chips, and a cup of cocoa for me at the table. I sat down and inhaled the nourishment. I went to the living room and asked if I could take a shower.

He grunted a yes at me. I walked down the hall and stripped down. I got in the shower and let the warm water cascade down my body. I sighed a long time as my muscles relaxed. I washed the dirt from me then got out and dried off. I wrapped the towel around me and went to my room. I got into some nice clean clothes and sat on my bed. Without even knowing it my brain went blank, and my vision left.

Usually I controlled when I zoned out, but it took me without my knowledge. I would later find out it's a sort of survival mechanism, so the brain doesn't have to process it all. I was snapped out of it again it was from pain caused by him

I felt the sting of his hand on my face "What's wrong with you, you fucken mistake? This is the second time you've not responded to me!"

"I... I don't know." I was scared, I was losing time, and I was afraid of him hitting me again. I felt a tear drip down my face he scowled at me and shook his head.

"Fucken sissy boy, I refuse to have a retarded cocksucker as my son!" He said as he walked out of my room.

Eventhough he was gone the tears still kept running, I couldn't stop them. I sat there for an hour if not longer and still the tears flowed constantly in a river down my face. By dinner time my Mom came in my room for me. She found me there on the edge of my bed in the same condition.

"Oh Justin, baby what's wrong?"

I looked at her, and I wanted to stop crying but I just couldn't something inside of me broke and it wouldn't fix itself. She sat next to me and her arms wrapped around me. "baby please tell me what's wrong."

"I-I..." I wiped at the tears but that didn't help any. "I don't know, I just can't stop crying... I just... it hurts so much inside I can't... not anymore..." then a thought hit me. What if, just what if I killed myself? I could end all this pain, all the abuse, she always said he was so nice when I wasn't alive, maybe I was the problem. The tears stopped, as if whatever was broken fixed itself finally. "I'm sorry Mom, I'm ok, really. I don't know what came over me." I upped it more and made myself excited, "So what's for dinner? I'm so hungry!"

She looked at me as if I might be insane, she had a concerned face but she said, "Beef stroganoff."

"My favorite!" I beamed - it was after all.

"I know, honey I made it just for you since you had to work so hard today."

"Thanks Mom! I'll be down in a minute."

She left my room, I looked over at my desk and saw the scissors. A thought entered my mind as she closed the door.

To be continued...

Another chapter done :-) Did you enjoy it? Don't be afraid to let me know ;-) Also I know I touched base on a very disturbing subject, which is why I'm leaving this link here for RAINN(Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network- they do mostly sexual abuse, but have resources for abuse as well.) If your in a situation like this or any other thing in RAINN get help. You are not alone. For GBLT Teens/Adults try the Trevor Hotline if you need help. For more information on The Trevor Project: click here

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