Authors Note: Sorry for the delay, I was extremely busy, and haven't had time to write.
The day progressed slowly, I think it was our plan eating away at my nerves. If I were to be caught, he'd kill me, but I needed Billie. I needed to feel his love and I wanted to give him all I could in return. When we got back on school grounds the lunch bell rang. By the time I got to my next class I was tardy. Again class progressed like normal, then my teacher pulled me aside. I was tired of lying, but kept my story.
My mouth went dry, and my stomach seemed to knot as I walked down the hall, pass Mr. Sanchez's class and further yet to Building A. I was ten foot from Mrs. Donaldson's room, and butterflies filled my stomach as my nervousness became more frenzied. I sighed as my hand grabbed the knob, and I opened the door. Mrs. Donaldson was sitting behind her desk, and in a chair in front of her desk was the Principle. I felt the blood leave my face, and the butterflies turned into ravens.
She motioned for me to sit and I sat in the opposite chair. "Hi Mr. Jacoby."
"Hi Justin. I was worried about you since your teachers told me about your shiner there, and what a nice one it is. There were a few discrepancies in your story, I thought we'd get down to it and find out the real story."
I felt sick, and trapped like an animal. Mrs. Donaldson gave me some papers to fill out. Some psychobabble about knowing how I am doing. I filled it out and she went over it.
"As I thought, you are way too stressed for your age! Justin you can tell us anything, nobody else will know what goes on in this room today."
"I already told you, I ran into a wall. I was just stupid ok? Why can't you just leave me alone?"
"Well you see Justin, you told me you ran into a wall because your Dad called you, yet earlier you told Mr. Chadwick your mother bought you a new game so you were excited, were running to your room and she called you and you turned your head. Which one is it?"
"Both, I was excited because my Mom got me a game and when I was running to my room to play it, my Dad called me. I was just under pressure, Mr. Chadwick kind of intimidates me."
Mr. Jacoby looked at me then said, "Justin if there is something going on at home, we can help you."
"There isn't I was just dumb, or absent minded and ran into a stupid wall and everyone is blowing it way out of proportion. I have done stuff like this more than once I really am just a clutz..."
They looked at each other for a little bit. I knew I was winning by the looks on their faces. Deny, deny, deny, always works. I smiled inside at evading them, until Mrs. Donaldson looked me square in the eyes.
"So would it be alright with you if I called your parent's?"
The ravens returned in a vicious battering of my stomach. A sour taste filled my mouth and I felt panic run up my spine. I decided she was way too thorough. I sighed and hoped it would work.
"Yea you can if you want, but can I please get back to my class. I'm not doing too well in Spanish as it is?"
"Well ok then, I don't think I need to call your parents, yes you may get back to class." I stood ready to bolt to the door when she spoke up again. "Be careful from now on ok? People will get the wrong idea."
"As I've seen," I smiled and walked away. I got to the door and was home free. When I reached the other side of the door, my lungs collapsed sending the air out of me. I felt my hands shake, as the nervous energy pumped through my veins. The lies were getting hard to follow, and I knew when I got home it might just happen again, like always.
When final period came I was breaking from being so nervous. If he found out our plan was just a lie I'd be dead, at the same time it could save me from another beating... The war inside of me raged on, for eternity it seemed. When the final bell rang I was still somewhat lost. I told Billie I'd call him when I got home to let him know if I could get out for our "project".
The bus ride was noisy, boring, and added to my nerves. At my bus stop I gulped it down and tried getting my game face on. The walk home seemed to be my final stretch. I turned the knob and walked inside.
The darkness inside blinded me as always, he always kept it like a dingy cell inside the house. When my eyes adjusted to the darkness I saw him sitting on the couch, my Mom was on the other end doing some pinpoint. I smiled at her and then my gaze hit my feet. I walked over to him and stood to the side as not to block his view.
"Uhm... Dad?"
"..."
"...My history teacher assigned team projects for this week, and my partner asked if I could come over to his house cause he has a computer and it would make the research faster... He wanted me to call and let him know." I kept my eyes to the ground and hoped I hadn't disturbed him and his stupid old western enough for a beating.
"What the fuck is it about boy?"
"...WWII, the holocaust, and Hitler's New Order. We have to identify the leaders of the axis-powers and the allied-powers, and what roles they had in ending the war, and we have to tie it in to why it started the cold war."
"Whatever, make sure you get your ass home by 7 and no fucking later, you hear me, BOY?" He said looking over his glasses, while giving me a look that could kill even the strongest Olympians. I felt my insides rot and decay in a rancid glory of self-hate and uncertainty.
"O-ok..." I grabbed the phone and called Billie. My Dad listened in on the conversation as always. I was happy I told Billie it was his routine for groundings in school so he knew not to give us away. His Mom answered, "Is Billie there?"
"Yes, one moment--BILLIE!" I heard a clacking noise and then heard Billie's sweet voice fill my ears. "Hey Justin! I didn't think you were going to call. I was sure you'd leave me alone to do all the boring work! God, how did our teacher think of this evil project, history bites!"
"It does, well anyway I am allowed to come over but I have to be home by seven o'clock sharp, my parent's have this thing about eating dinner at the same time..." I lied which seemed to inspire a wicked smile from my Dad. His protruding eye brows seem to grow even longer into wicked horns, my throat went dry at his look and I continued. "I'll ask my Mom if I can get a ride, if not I'll take the bus."
"My Mom already said she could pick you up if you needed a ride."
"Oh, ok that's cool. Tell her thanks for me. I'll be out front."
"Justin, times up, this isn't a social call, your lucky I am letting you leave when your grounded!" My Dad butted in. I wanted to growl at him and tell him to fuck off, but I knew better.
"Well I got to go! See ya in a little bit!"
"Ok, see ya in a few." He hung up, then I hung up.
"Your lucky boy, I could have sworn you were lying to me. Get your ass ready I don't need no rich bitch comin' to my fucken door!"
I already had my backpack over my shoulder and I was basically ready to go. I went to the door to go wait, but he stopped me. He looked me over and decided I passed his whatever-test that was. I waited on the curb for Billie and his Mom.
When Justin called he sounded really stressed, and I knew his Dad was listening. He had warned me at school his Dad sometimes did that when he was grounded. I had already made plans with my Mom to go pick him up. We were on the way to his house when my Mom pulled over and pulled into a parking lot.
"Ok Billie, what's going on? Your acting nervous."
Damn, how does she always know? "Nothing."
"Billie..." She gave me that mother knows look and I crumbled.
"Well Justin and I are kind of lying to his Dad... I know it's not right but I am worried about Justin. He's been grounded since he got back from the lake and he told me some stupid story about breaking his grandmas urn... I know he was lying, I can just tell, and he had a big bruise on his face. Then..." I caught myself, I couldn't tell her he flinched when I hugged him like it caused him pain, she'd ask why we were hugging...
"Billie, you know lying is wrong what have I told you about that? Never mind. What do you think happened?"
"I don't wanna say anything because I'm not sure, but I think Justin's Dad is mean... I think maybe he hurt Justin."
She gave me a look, and I knew she wasn't going to say anything about the lie to Justin's parents. My Mom told me about her childhood, and about how her Dad used to hurt her and she'd lie so no one would know. She had a concerned look on her face, then she started driving again.
Justin was sitting on the curb when we turned around the corner. He stood when he saw my Mom's car and smiled in our direction.
My Mom looked at me weird for a second, or maybe it was just me. I felt so much better just seeing him that I didn't care. I just needed to see him and be around him. I wanted to protect him, and unlike at school I was going to make him tell me what happened. The ride to my house was pretty much silent. My Mom cross examined Justin but said nothing about the bruise on his face. When we got to my house we got out of the car and Justin thanked my Mom for the ride.
She smiled at him and said it was no problem. She didn't ask about his bruise but I had a feeling she would sooner or later that night. We ran up the stairs and to my room. When we got in there I hugged and kissed him then walked him towards the bed. On the bed we sat side by side and I finally broke the somewhat uncomfortable silence that had begun.
"Justin I want to know the truth. If you can't tell me the truth then I don't think our relationship will work out." It was a threat that was hollow but I was determined to find the truth.
He was silent, so silent I would have sworn he was a corpse. The only thing that separated him from a corpse was his eyes that blinked now and then. His hand went clammy at my question and the look on his face was one that signified he was deep in thought. His head turned slowly in my direction and tears threatened to fall out of his beautiful eyes.
"I love you Billie, more than I value my own life. I want to tell you, but you'd hate me."
"Never, I swear Justin nothing could ever make me hate you, unless you cheated or something but then I'd just be hurt so never do that. What is it, please tell me I can handle it, unless your dying from like cancer."
"I, my..." He stopped, then looked out my window.
"Please Justin, I can't help it but I have to know I am sorry I'm being selfish but I just can't not know. It's eating at me so badly."
"My Dad... if I tell you and he finds out..."
I couldn't help it. I knew what he was hiding I knew it I think since that night I felt sick. Something in me told me and I wanted to believe my logic instead. It set me off which made Justin jump from the force I said it. "If that bastard has hurt you I'll kill him! He has hasn't he? I fucking knew it!"
Justin looked terrified, "Sexy, baby... I love you and I know even if you won't say it he has hurt you. I can feel it inside of me, and I can't stand it. I love you so much and to think he has done something to you kills me inside. Your so smart, beautiful, and you deserve anything and everything. Please know that, don't let him make you feel like you are right now. I will never go anywhere I love you and even if you are suffering from abuse that doesn't change a thing. You are not the bad person, he is. Do you understand?"
Tears fell down his cheeks and he looked at me straight into my eyes and he nodded. It meant more than he understood, I could tell it meant more than that. It was his admittance to what I thought or rather knew. A slight sob left his quivering lips and I felt my heart darken and soften. I swore I'd protect Justin against his father even if it killed me. He hugged me and I could feel the weakness he felt. I held his face and kissed him on his bruise then on his lips, he pulled me closer to him and that's when I noticed out of the corner of my eye.
My Mom was standing in the doorway she was watching us. I felt fear seep into my body at the realization of being caught in our intimate moment. Her reaction wasn't what I thought it would be, she simply smiled and left the doorway. Still my insides knotted even though I felt it would all be alright. I wasn't sure I wanted them to know about me. Everyone always talked about people like us in the most horrible ways. My mind couldn't grasp how people could hate just because of who you fall in love with. It was just so simple to me, I love Justin, he loves me and we make each other happy I couldn't see how that was bad. I just couldn't.
We stayed in our embrace for about 20 minutes when Justin finally let go of me. He looked into my eyes and I don't know. That single look just made me melt, physically and emotionally and at the same time it fueled me with a energy I hadn't felt before. It was as if in that one second our souls touched, and danced in the most voluptuous way. It was 6, meaning we only had an hour left. My Mother as always knew when it was time to butt in. She called us to come downstairs.
When we reached the top of the stairs we were assaulted by the smell of lasagna. Justin's stomach growled, and we both giggled. When we got to the first floor my Dad as always was in his easy chair reading the paper. He folded the paper down and examined us, then smiled. We traveled to the kitchen where my Mother was cooking asparagus and onions. She smiled at us and asked us to set the table.
Justin grabbed the silver wear and I grabbed the plates. Together we set the table.
"Billie, get the bread basket as well I made some breadsticks."
"Ok Mom!" I said excitedly. She made two of my favorite things lasagna and breadsticks The asparagus and onion I didn't really like, but she seemed to force me to eat at least three or four stalks of it. However I was still worried. Knowing my Mom she would bring up what she saw, she was always like that, she didn't like secrets and always addressed anything that she needed. I knew it was going to have to be addressed at some point I just wish it wasn't tonight.
She told us we had about 15 minutes to get washed up and at the table. She shooed us out of the kitchen and we ran up the stairs to the bathroom. We stood side by side in front of the sink. It's when I noticed Justin was avoiding the mirror. At first I thought he was just concentrating on washing his hands but when we were done he swiftly turned away from the mirror before lifting his gaze higher. I had noticed he avoided the mirrors in the bathrooms at the Lake as well.
I grabbed him from behind and turned him around towards the mirror to test my theory and as I thought his eyes shifted to the ground again. It bothered me that he didn't want to see himself.
"We should get back downstairs." He said.
"Just a minute, I like seeing us like this together." It inspired a smile to grow on his face but he still didn't look. I decided I wouldn't push him anymore, I had enough already.
"We should go to my room for a couple of minutes."
"You sure?" Justin said. He turned and looked at me and his eyebrow raised.
"Yes, I am hungry for your lips, and maybe some lasagna!"
He smiled and bit his lower lip in the way he always does. It fueled the sexual energy in me and I kissed his succulent lips. He kissed back, his hands found my butt and his tongue invaded my mouth. It's when I heard one of the stairs creak, I knew it was the third one from the top so I pulled away.
He smiled and we composed ourselves as we walked out of the bathroom. My Dad smiled and said my Mom told him to tell us dinner was done. We followed behind him downstairs. I swear I saw Justin check out my Dad from behind and I elbowed him. A huge blush colored his face, and he whispered. "It's not my fault, you should thank him for your looks."
I couldn't help it and made a gag noise. "Ya perv let's eat already."
We finished walking to the kitchen and we sat next to each other. Our food was steaming and the smells invaded our senses. I was the first one to dig in. I burned my tongue on the lasagna but it didn't matter. I munched it and grinned when it was all but gone. Justin was eating his asparagus without complaints. I decided he must like his vegetables as he never complained. It wasn't too long after Justin started eating his lasagna that my Mom spoke up. A chill ran up my spine, and my eyes found the table center piece.
"Ok boys, we need to talk, don't we?" Justin's face paled as I'm sure mine did. "I think you both know what I'm talking about right?"
"Seriously, I just ran into a wall." Justin said.
"Honey that is a different story, I'm talking about the other issue." Justin looked confused but a glimmer of recognition flashed in his eyes as his met mine. He blushed.
"Mom, I was going to tell you I just didn't know how." I said wishing I had been more careful as my tongue seemed to be numb from the burn, or maybe it was my nerves.
"You know I am proud of you, so is your father. There has to be some ground rules, but besides that we support you, and whoever you may fall in love with. I could never hate you, especially not after 10 hours of labor!" Justin was looking at the table and seemed to be deep in thought. I looked at my Dad and he just smiled at me. It was strange to me. I totally thought they'd blow a gasket and send me to boarding school or something. My fears at the moment seemed to be hollow.
"Ok Justin now onto your bruise."
"Uhm... what about it?"
"I know no wall did that." He looked at me suspiciously, like he knew I told, and now I felt somewhat like a traitor.
"Seriously, it was a stupid accident, I have lots of them, I'm a really big clutz. Tell them Billie, you've seen me fall over my feet hundreds of times at school." It was a demand and I knew it. He wasn't asking me, but rather feeding me a script to paint and follow.
I looked down at my plate and contemplated my next words. Do I betray his trust to help him, or say nothing and let it blow over and possibly let him get more hurt in the process? "Well Billie, what is it?" My Mom asked.
My heart tore in half at the decision at hand and I couldn't decide. Lie or tell the truth? Tell the truth or lie? It was soaring through my brain at what seemed to be faster than the speed of light, yet it stretched for all eternity. "I'm sorry Justin, but I can't, I'm worried about you. I won't lie, and in fact you have the best reflexes I've seen."
He glared at me, then looked back at his plate. "Me, good reflexes? That's funny Billie."
My Dad seemed to take a queue at this point and knocked the vase with his hand, it went towards Justin and without knowing it himself he stopped it from falling. He looked at his hand wrapped around the vase and seemed to get a shroud of darkness around him. His face looked pained and I think he just knew, he was caught.
"Nice job, you saved the flowers." My Dad said. "Justin we want to help you, and nothing more."
"I don't need help, because nothing is wrong. Oh sh.. I mean uhm, what time is it?"
My Mom's eyebrow raised at Justin's near slip, but looked at the clock. "It's 6:46."
"Uhm I really liked the food your really good at cooking, but I really need to get going. My Dad is very strict when it comes to being home by curfew."
"What will happen if you aren't home on time?"
Justin saw through my Mom's attempt with perfect grace. "Well I'll get grounded, and I'll have to do extra chores."
"Well, ok honey, but we are here if you need us. Let me finish up and I'll have you home on time."
"Ok, thank you." He said then sat there in silence, while shifting his food around on the plate. My stomach knotted at the thought of hurting Justin, but I knew it was for the good. I left it at that though and ended up playing with my food as well, all of the sudden I just wasn't hungry. Maybe it was the guilt infecting me.
As my Mom had promised we go Justin home two minutes before Seven. He looked at me then at my Mom. "Thanks for the rides, and the delicious dinner."
"No problem honey have a good night."
With that he got out and walked to his door. My Mom waited for him to go inside, but he fumbled around, but then finally opened his door and went in. When the door shut I felt my stomach sink.
To Be Continued...
Did you like it, what do you think will happen next? Well, I know but I can't tell you :-P! Any comments and suggestions are more than welcome at bloomingpoet@msn.com, please remember to use "Nifty Story: My First Love" as your subject as it will be placed in the spam folder if not. Join the Mailing list to be informed of new posts to Nifty or to my website. Now for our enjoyment a snip of lyrics I am fond of which fit's the story pretty good:
"He likes to kill small animals and blame it on the weather. Father was Andronicus1, my secret name was terror." -Otep Shamaya (From the song "Home Grown" from the album "The_Ascension")
1Titan Andronicus from Shakespears play "Titan Andronicus"