Date: Thu, 17 Apr 2008 21:51:52 -0400
From: Sean E <ekidky@hotmail.com>
Subject: My Road of Life's Discoveries - Ch 4

-- Chapter Four --

I look back on that night, remembering a lot of detail here and there,
because I've relived it so many times since.  It's something about that
first time, that first bond you created being intimate with somebody, you
know? That first person you learned to trust in more ways than one.  Cody
asked me if I trusted him, and that night I did, more than he would ever
know.  I didn't know that the things that happened were about to shape us,
or at least shape me, into a different kid.  I don't think I really knew
what he had in mind, beyond I suspected we were about to get naked
together. I mean, beyond the obvious, and even then I wasn't totally sure
that was the way this would go - I mean, there were other things that COULD
have happened instead - I do know he had said something about making it
work 'together'. At that point I started to get sort of excited, not in my
groin so much but just overall; that one word said volumes in itself, and
as we got started, it didn't *feel* wrong, you know?

	I remember when Jeremy did those things to me I've talked about
before, and I remember that I was scared, that I felt weird about how the
whole thing went down.  I saw him change somehow. It started out great - we
were playing, he was being buddy-buddy with me, and we were having a good
time together. I had noticed he was getting more and more physical with me
though early on, hugging me, wrestling or tickling and whatever, and I
remember how he sort of *initiated* all of it too - and it was because of
that it just didn't seem, what, "right" some way?  Strange?  Does that make
sense?  Its hard to explain the difference between the experience I had
with Jeremy and how this night was unfolding for me.  With Jeremy, I didn't
*know* him, I didn't have any *connection* to him inside; I didn't *feel*
him.  Jeremy wasn't a real friend - he didn't care how I felt or what life
was like for me, for an 8 yr old whose parents had just basically divorced
and who was just trying to figure out how to be some kind of a normal kid.

	With Cody, it was the exact opposite: I *knew* Cody, I could *feel*
our friendship. I think I would have done anything for him, even before we
had "our" time that night. I really believe if he was ever hurting, needed
money or anything that I could have given him, the shirt off my back -
anything - it would have been his, no questions asked. That day when he was
outside with his sister, and those kids picking on her - I HAD to get out
there when I saw them, when I figured out what was going on. I felt inside
I had to back him up, to do whatever it would cost me to stand with him. I
didn't care if I got pulverized and had the snot beaten out of me, I was
willing to back my friend with everything my little 92-94 pound body could
do. I remember feeling a little disappointed when it was over before I
reached them; but there was one good thing about it all that came out
later.  For all I know, it might have been the thing that turned us around,
maybe made Cody like me even more or something.  It was when I was over at
his house that weekend and we were alone. He looked at me at one point and
said "Sean, thanks for coming out the other day."  At first I didn't
realize what he was talking about, but then it clicked, and I remember
smiling or something. I don't think I said anything, but he managed to take
my silence the right way. "It meant a lot to me, a whole lot to me," he
added.  I knew then with Cody I wasn't just another kid, not just another
somebody passing through his life - he actually acknowledged there was
something between us, a little something beyond just being friends.

	At least, that's how I choose to remember it. I can't put into
words how Cody felt, what he was thinking, what he was feeling. I can only
kind of guess at things, based on the things he said to me, his
expressions, his actions; but to truly say I know what was going through
his mind?  I can't do that.  But that night, in my bedroom, he took my arm
and was pulling me up from the bed, and we were about to do something that
could only be explained by that bond. I could have just been 2 kids about
to break some kind of taboo, about to just have some naughty fun; but you
have to have known us before then, known how we lived in church, school -
real life - to know why I didn't think of it that way.  We had never come
close to doing this before - and I mean close to even having much physical
contact, period. We had wrestled a couple times, or rather tickled each
other in the past, but I really think that was it up to that point. Now it
seemed as if we were about to break some unspoken rule or something, go
beyond just the simple things in friendships.  He already had said and
heck, even DID things in those few shorts hours before that moment, that
made me feel what I had already been feeling even stronger.  I liked this
kid, this best friend of mine. I didn't care what he wanted to do, I would
be with him till the end. I didn't idolize him though - I knew better than
to do that - but I did really believe in him, that he was good inside. We
had been through a lot together, and I believed what he had inside was
special. If nothing else, he was my best friend; he had just even told me I
was his, and they were not just words - I could feel them, and see it in
him.

	We started to the door to go down the hall when suddenly the phone
rang. We both liked to have jumped out of our skins! After only seconds we
started laughing hard.  I sat back down on the corner of my bed as he
rushed and grabbed the phone off my desk.  "Hello?"  He listened for a few
seconds, then grinned and said "Yeah, he's right here..."  Handing me the
phone, he mouthed soundlessly, clearly telling me, 'It's your mom'.

	I took the phone and talked with her a few seconds. 'Yes mom, we're
fine...' 'We've been playing a game and just trying to find another one
now...' '...Yeah, we'll be okay, I promise...' 'I love you too' As I hung
up, Cody fell on the bed and started howling with laughter, and I have to
admit, it was pretty infectious to me too.  I reached across and put the
phone back on my desk, joined his laughter until we finally settled down. I
looked at him, and whispered "Talk about timing..."

	He grunted, then paused. "Still want to?" a sly look on his face.

	I looked at him, and nodded, giggling. "You bet!" and with that he
bounced up and once again took my arm around his shoulder and pulled me to
my feet, heading to the doorway.  We worked our way down the hall into the
bathroom and flipped on the light.

	It wasn't exactly the brightest place in the world; only one
florescent bulb was working over the mirror. It did brighten the room
enough though to see and keep from bumping into anything. Cody steered me
over to the commode, put the seat down and then sat me on top.  He turned,
crossed the floor and opened up the window to the outside.  It was still
raining, and we could still hear thunder in the distance. He looked outside
for a few seconds as a cool breeze began to come in, and I knew it wouldn't
take long for the temperature inside to turn colder. Eventually he turned
around and facing me, grabbed the bottom of his shirt and peeled it up over
the top of his head before dropping it to the floor.  I knew now whatever
we were going to do was definitely going to be together.

	As I watched, Cody crossed over to my tub and started running water
in it.  Seeing a bottle of bubble bath nearby, he grabbed it and squirted
part of it into the running stream.  Not a word was said, the silence
broken only by the sound of rushing water as the tub slowly filled. He
stayed with it, adjusting the temperature every now and then, letting it
fill up.  How he knew when to stop it I had no idea, but he let it fill
just right, because eventually when we got in it was perfect. After he
reached up and turned the knobs, shutting off the flow of water, there was
an unmistakable quietness filling the room, broken only from the sound of
the rain falling outside.  He stood up and turned to me, and at that moment
I had a noticeable, nervous excitement building in me.  I thought to myself
'This is it...' as he walked over close.  He was smiling, but once again he
had one of those uncertain looks on his face, as if battling with
something, unsure of himself.  He stood in front of me, hesitated, and in a
shaky quiet voice asked one last time.  "You sure? Now is the time to back
out, I mean, if you don't want to..."

	I shook my head and whispered back, "I'm sure. I trust you Cody." I
looked in his eyes and tried to let him feel it from me again, without
being funny. "I really do."  And to show him it was okay, I reached for the
bottom of my shirt, grabbing and peeling it up and over.  I lay it by my
side and waited.

	He seemed satisfied.  He took my glasses and placed them on the
counter, then reached for both my arms this time, pulling gently and
helping me stand up.  I didn't do anything really, other than just let him
sort of guide me through what he had in mind.  He grabbed my sweats at the
waistband and pulled them down to my ankles. I was beginning to get a stir
- not really an erection, at least not full on, but I wasn't exactly soft
either. I know he had to have noticed, I mean, I know I sure would have, my
cock was outlined pretty plain inside my briefs; he seemed to avoid looking
at me though for the most part, instead concentrating on sitting me back
down and pulling my sweats off my feet.

	He reached for my brace, loosening Velcro straps both above and
below my knee, and as it became loose he tugged and carefully slid it down
to my foot. I have to admit in the excitement of everything up to that
point, my knee had been the farthest thing from my mind, but as he was
working it down I got those tinges of soreness all over again, like little
sharp painful needles.  I must have grunted or gasped, because he looked at
me again at that point and saw something that made him hesitate. "Maybe
this isn't such a good idea..."

	"No!" I almost yelled at him, making him visibly jump before I
realized what I had done, so I rapidly followed in a much quieter tone,
"... no, please, it'll be fine, honest, just give me a minute to adjust,
thats all."  He actually looked worried, so I smiled and took a deep
breath. Indeed, it already was starting to feel better, and I told him so
as I shifted and sat up straight. "Just help me up, okay?" He did, and then
while he stood there in front of me, he hooked his own sweats and dropped
them down to his feet, kicking them loose.  We were now alike, both of us
standing in only our underwear, and as we did I DID look at him, and I saw
he was like me - not really fully erect, but close; you could see his
outline pretty easily too.

	He helped me over to the tub and then got behind me, telling me to
hold on a second. I felt him leave as I supported myself on the edge, and
then the light went out.  There was silence, and in those few seconds I
think I experienced disappointment; we had nothing but the light coming in
through the window, which was not really much to speak of as it was.  As my
eyes adjusted though, I saw it wasn't so bad: there was light coming down
the hallway from my bedroom, making its way inside where we were.  It was
still dark, but you could easily make out the tub and other fixtures, even
each other, and some of the features we each held.

	Cody came back behind me, and I felt him take hold on the band of
my briefs and pull them down, surprisingly using care in front, and helped
me kick them off my feet.  My whole back was to him, my butt in full view,
but I didn't care.  I didn't turn around or look, everything was happening
kind of fast, but also because it was everything I could do to basically
stand on one foot and keep myself upright.

	As soon as my briefs were clear though, he grabbed me from behind,
bringing his arms below my belly, and pulled me into him close. Hugging me,
our bodies fit together like spoons, and I could feel him at my back - his
chest, his torso - everything. He was so warm, especially in a room that
was now gradually getting colder.  I also realized that somewhere in that
brief interlude he had gotten rid of his briefs, and I could feel his full
glory of nakedness pressing against the cheeks of my butt. Before I could
appreciate that though, he took firm hold and lifted me from the floor, and
in that instant I understood what he was planning to do.  He swung me up,
not without grunting a little, leaning back and pivoting me in such a way
my feet came up and over the edge of the tub. He set me down as gentle as
he could and then stepped in behind me. Finally after a little effort and
help from me we were able to sit down in the water, with him straddling me
from behind, me legs outstretched inside of his.  My knee never bothered
me, strangely enough, and as I started relaxing I found I could bend it
just a little as long as I didn't put any pressure on it.

	We had done it, we had gotten past all our inhibitions of a
sort. It was like we had crossed an unwritten, unspoken line, and I was
thrilled. He pulled me back into him, like he was cuddling me, and we both
lay in the water, pretty much covered up to our necks. The water was hot,
not scalding, but enough so it offset the coldness in the room. It was
fantastic - I had spent many nights with cold rooms and waterbeds, but
never in a tub, not this way. We were insulated, sheltered - and warm, not
just from the water but with each other too. I looked down and could see
nothing, but inside underneath I knew my semi-erection had went down now,
and I could feel him in his fullness doing the same. But more importantly,
I could feel HIM; his body curved and fitted mine unbelievably snug, and I
would have figured a full boner would have been there for both of us, but
for some reason it wasn't, and that to me was cool. We could have been like
two young kids just playing in the bathtub, oblivious to everything, had it
not been for this quiet moment, the snuggling.  His legs were stretched
around me, straddling my back and hugging my sides, his feet hooked over my
thighs. I heard him sigh as I relaxed in his arms, arms that were doing
more than just holding, actually hugging and pulling me into
him. Occasionally he would reach around and feel my chest, pulling closer;
his breath was on my neck, and it too was warm. I would lay back, putting
my head on his shoulder, bringing our cheeks together, and from the corner
of my vision I could see his eyes were closed. I relaxed and did the same,
nuzzling him a little because it felt good to do so. Evidently he did too,
because as I did it he pushed even closer, mumbling "MMmm, that feels
good..."  We just lay there in silence.

	At that point, how long had passed I do not know. It could have
been only minutes, or it could have been an hour. I just know I loved
it. He would caress my sides and pull water up on both of us at times,
warming what part of our upper chests and neck was exposed to the room. I
would rub the sides of his legs at times, the only real things I could
reach, and feel the little hairs that had started building on them. I had
never done anything like this, never dreamed of it even in my wildest
erotic fantasies I don't think. Up to that point, I had discovered the
usual stuff boys discovered, either on my own or from overhearing guys on
the bus or at school talk behind closed doors. I had visualized a lot of
things before that point, too - including even doing some things with Cody,
but they were just that - just fantasy, just flights of wishes and dreams,
things that were just my imagination running wild. I didn't think of it so
much as being gay or anything; as I remember, I still accepted it all as
just curiosity, I think. But this? Up until this night, this being where we
were, and what we were doing? I don't think any of my fantasies, and
certainly not my expectations, had ever hit me like this had turned out -
and yet here I was, in a bath tub with my best friend in the whole world,
with all my inhibitions exposed, down to my soul. I may have not thought of
it so much then like that, but I certainly look back on it now with a lot
of introspection; that night I just had the mind of a 12 yr old, maybe a
little more mature than some, but still a kid for the most part. If I gave
into any of that thoughtful, reflecting attitude, it was only to
acknowledge how glad I was he was here, with me, doing this.  It was
wicked, it was being dirty and fun at the same time - but it was being
special too.  I was building more and more of a bond with Cody, and I think
he was doing the same with me.

	Eventually he let out a big sigh in my ear and started to nudge me
up. As I sat up he started to rub my back, picking up a nearby
washcloth. "Got any soap up there?" he asked.

	I reached and handed him a bar, and he proceeded to scrub my back a
little while I let out some of the water.  As the surface fell to our
bellies, he went lower covering all the areas that he could reach. He even
took my arms and, laying me back on him again, scrubbed my chest and belly,
under my arms, my neck; he even went lower, almost to my groin, but stopped
just short of it. I even shifted, lifted my hips a little, trying to tell
him it was okay, but he would not "touch" me there, instead moving on down
to my sides, my hips where he could feel his way. I was guessing he just
didn't want to do anything with me down there, which may have disappointed
me a little, but again I was okay - heck, I was on cloud nine just getting
to do this much with him. Eventually he gave me the washcloth, putting it
in my hand, and whispering in my ear "I can't reach your feet..."

	I too sighed before sitting up and pulling my legs up one by one,
using care again with my knee, shifting and trapping him underneath me in
the arch. I handled the rest and when I finished, I pulled his legs up
around me one at a time and gave him the same treatment as he had given me,
at least as far as I could go.  I finished reluctantly, almost sad; it was
so little in comparison to what he had done for me. I turned my head to
look at him and whispered back "I'm sorry Cody, I don't know how I can,
like, do you any more..."

	"You don't have to bro," he replied. I remembered hearing that
distinctly, and how my heart almost stopped and skipped a beat.  What did
he call me? 'Bro?' As I think back, as I relive and remember this even now,
can anyone reading this not see why I thought we were building some kind of
bond? It was those little things, those little feelings.

	I felt him sit up and push me forward a little as he started
splashing water between us, before taking the washcloth and doing his
thing. Only when he washed, it was so much faster, so much quicker than the
time he had taken with me. The room was cold now, and although the water
was still warm, sitting up and being more exposed was bringing a chill to
me. When he was holding me, the warmth we shared together offset that. Now
though, I was getting goose bumps, and I think he saw it, or at least felt
it. He shuddered in my ear, then said softly "Pull the stopper, let's get
out of here..."

	I did as I was asked, although I would have endured it longer if it
meant us staying together; still, in the back of my mind I knew it had to
end, so as the water drained I scooted forward as much as I could, and he
drew his legs back from me, crouching behind my back. I felt him push
against me as he gathered his feet under him, then once again he put his
arms around and under my own, firmly taking my chest and slowly scooting us
both up.  I couldn't help much, and that made me almost feel ashamed; my
leg was hurting, and the movement was making me put pressure and apply
stress probably in places I shouldn't.  He did pull me up though, and I did
help him what I could, which I guess wasn't too bad; we moved backward till
he was sitting on the back of the tub, and then with his help, I was
half-raised up into his lap.  He repositioned his grip, grabbing me once
again at my waist and pulled me into a bear hug, then lifted and pivoted me
out the side.  I sat on the edge, free and clear then, supporting myself.
I felt embarrassed, almost helpless in a way, but in another, we were
spooned together so tight, it was awesome.  When I finally separated from
him and was able to sit by myself, he climbed out and crossed in front of
me to the window, shutting it quickly before grabbing a towel and
returning.

	In the dim light I saw everything about him for the first time. I
could not make out the minute details, not like I would have wanted to, but
I saw enough to see he had lost his erection, as I had, and I noticed other
things too. He had a soft patch of pubic hairs, and what looked like could
be a very defined v-line that ran down from his sides just below his ribs,
meeting at his groin. As he walked past me I saw his butt, round and smooth
as he rushed by.  I smiled inwardly, knowing I might not see any more than
that for the rest of the weekend, but also knowing I didn't care. He was no
longer nervous with me; when he returned his expression was relaxed, kind
of smiling, and yes he was checking me out too. He squatted down in front
of me and took one leg first then the other, toweling me off, and I could
tell he was enjoying every minute of it. He reached my upper thighs and
actually spent a few sections in my groin, and I even noticed a little
expression there in the shadows as he paid my dick a little attention,
before he continued upwards to my belly and chest.  Then he pulled me up,
steadying me as he turned and circled around to my back, toweling
everything else yet left undone.

	When he finished he turned me around to face him again sat me on
the edge of the tub. He started to dry off, but I stopped him, my voice
almost a whisper as I the towel from him, "Here, let me, I want to do
it...".  I looked into his eyes, pleading, "...please?"  He had done so
much for me, I wanted to return the favor. So he grinned and moved in
close, turned around and spread his legs apart a little before backing up
into me.

	To say I didn't enjoy it would be lying - of course I did, I was
thrilled even; to say that I did anything beyond what he did though, I
couldn't.  I dried his back and one point pulled him into my lap, and
gasped.  "Mmmmm...." I think I said, because he half turned his head to me
and whispered, "I know".  He was sitting in my lap, my dick was sort of
sandwiched underneath him. What he felt of me I don't know, but I know it
could not have been much different than what I felt, when I was cuddled in
his lap.  What astounded me even more was right now, right at that moment,
neither of us had an erection, no boner, no horny indication that reflected
what we were doing.  We were not exactly, like, totally soft - but it
wasn't a sexy excitement just then, you know?  I didn't do anything to
initiate anything either. Not that I would not have wanted to at that
point, because as I said before, every inhibition was removed between us
now.  Still, I gave him the same treatment he gave me in the faded light.
When he rose and turned, facing me he was a little more stiff, but I think
that was to be expected, and yes I was the same way. I toweled him off,
spending a little more time than he did, and yeah, I was only wishing there
was more light - a lot more, because I really wanted to see, you know,
"him".  In the end though, I finished and tossed the towel to the corner,
and he disappeared out the door for a moment.  I could hear him in my room,
what sounded like the opening and closing of one of my dresser drawers, and
sure enough he returned with a pair of fresh briefs for use to put on.  We
put them on each other, and then he collected our clothes before helping me
back up on my feet, then again with my arm around his bare shoulder, we
turned toward the door and moved. I got my glasses from the counter and we
slowly made our way back down the hallway.

	When we got back to the room, we both plopped down on the side of
the bed and just sat there for a moment. I reached across, took my t-shirt
from the bundle in his hands, and put it on, then I took the one he had
been wearing and pulled it over his head as well.  He raised his arms and
let me finish it, but the puzzled look on his face prompted me to explain.
"You have to, or these sheets will stick to you tonight."

	He looked at the bed, then shrugged his shoulders. "Oh, okay, I
didn't know..."

	The sound in his voice was different, causing me to ask - "Didn't
know what?"

	He laughed, "Like, duh, where you wanted me to sleep. I dunno, I
thought you might stick me in the other bed in there!"

	I laughed too and punched him before both of us fell back onto the
mattress, half-wrestling, half-tickling each other. It wasn't much of a
fight - once again I got that stupid dull throb returning, and it was then
we suddenly realized we had left the brace back in the bathroom. Cody
jumped up and went to get it for me, and when he returned we spent a couple
minutes getting it back in place as best we could, and locking it down with
the Velcro straps.  Finally we fell back together on the bed again and
worked our way back up to the headboard, onto the bean bags wait for us. We
looked at each other, in the light; something had changed between us, but
it was just know what we had done I think that did it, because we both were
overcome again with laughter, bursting at the seams. We had done it, we had
shared something so intimate, not really dirty, but definitely sexy in its
own way. All the time - from the moment we left the bedroom to the moment
we came back - all the tension, the ease, the relaxation, the phone call,
everything just fell in our lap and it seemed funny I think.  It ended with
us just staring at each other, giggling in the end, all of it beyond words.

	I finally settled down and with an effort I rolled on top of him
and pinned him under me. He liked that, because he didn't fight me anymore
and he grinned as he looked up at me.  I remembered what he had said and
looking in his eyes, I whispered "You are never going to sleep in that
guest room when you're here with me. That is unless, like, you just want
to, I mean. I mean, I want you in here, I want you with me, you know? I
mean, if you, like, want to..."

	I fumbled the words bad, trying to make them sound right, but doing
a miserable job at it. He saw how serious I was though, and just smiled and
said in a voice just as hushed as I had used, "Of course I want to man. I
really do!" Then he paused and sort of wordlessly mouthed "Thanks".  I
mouthed the words 'Your welcome' right back to him, but he stopped me
before I could say anything else. "No Sean, you don't understand, I mean
it... thanks, for all of it, for everything...  I wasn't sure how you
would, like, react or even if you would want to or anything or..." He fell
silent, but there was no worry in his eyes, no hesitation, nothing but just
that friendship thing we were building between us.

	I think if I could have gotten away with it I might have kissed
him, but that was going another step in another direction, and I didn't
know, even now thinking back, if I could have crossed that line myself. We
were kids, but it was like a whole different place I think.  To kiss him
would have meant I was going beyond being curious, that sort of
thing. Looking back, I wish I had; I have yet, to this day, ever kissed
another boy. I would so wish I could sometime, and there have been a lot of
times I wish I had kissed him that night, but the truth is I didn't.  So
instead, for the very first time since I think we had become friends, for
the very first time since we had ever been alone in all those months, I
just put my arms between his sides, rolled off and pulled him close on top
of me, and I hugged him. Not one of those silly, quick kind of hugs either;
there could be no question what kind of hug it was meant to be - it held
everything I could give him, my heart, my soul even.  I can remember being
almost ready to cry, to the point I didn't trust my voice anymore, so I
didn't say anything else right then. In the end, I think he knew, because
as I hugged him, I held on a long, long time, and he held me back without
letting go. I rubbed his back, and how long I kept us together I don't
know, trying to thank him.  Eventually though, when I finally let go, when
I broke away from him, we looked at each other again and smiled, and then
sort of separated, him rolling on his side and propping his head up on one
elbow.  I whispered "Cody, I would do that with you any day," and I
hesitated before adding "... and not just so I could see your dick or
anything again, either!"

	He giggled. "I don't care Sean, I'm kinda glad. I thought what we
did was really cool, just you and me."  He paused, "Can I ask you something
though?" he said curiously.

	"MM hmm...."

	He paused before he continued. "You kinda, well... you kinda look
funny, I mean different..." and then he indicated with his eyes, glancing
and pointing down at my crotch , "..down there."

	"What do you mean?" I asked, puzzled.

	"Well, like..."  He paused as he rolled on his back. "Like.... you
got all this extra skin and stuff down there."

	"Oohhhh... yeah... I'm uncircumcised, you mean," I replied.

	"Y-you're what?" turning his head and looking at me again.

	I giggled. "You know, like, uncircumcised, like when you're a baby,
after you're born, you're either circumcised or not, like the extra skin
and stuff."  I had already noticed how he was.  "Like you are, you're
circumcised."

	His face changed as he realized what I was saying, comprehension
beginning to dawn. "Oh, wow... I forgot about that..." He got quiet for a
moment. "I've never seen anything or anyone like that before.  I mean,
wow..."

	He really seemed kind of interested, and I got an idea in my head,
so I thought what the heck. When he just told me he didn't care if I saw
him naked or not, that was really cool to me.  Of course, I already knew it
by then - just him saying it though added that much more warmth and trust
to our friendship I think.  I rolled back some and with my free hand I
hooked my thumb in my underwear and pulled the front out and down, giving
him a better view if he wanted. I didn't exactly have a boner, but that was
rapidly changing, for some reason or another. "See?"

	He didn't need an invitation twice as he propped up first on both
elbows and then rolled closer to see better. We had a LOT better light now,
plus I had my glasses back, and that helped me a lot too.  When he did
that, I was getting a kind of a high rise.  It wasn't like the bathroom had
been - in here everything on my bed was so much brighter now it revealed
almost anything one could wish for. He looked, even started to take his
hand and touch me at one point, but he pulled away, I think because he had
second thoughts.

	I for one though didn't have any second thoughts, not after
everything we had just been through. Instead of thumbing my underwear down
under my nuts, making it even more for him to see, I instead just pushed
down both sides of my waistband so that they hung below my butt, clearing
underneath me and giving him full view of anything he wanted to see of me.
Then to top it all off, I reached for his hand he had pulled back, and I
put it there right on top of my now very hard and swollen member, watching
his face and expression the whole time. He grinned, hesitant at first, and
I wasn't sure whether he would take to me or not, but as I let his hand go
he didn't take it away. He had wanted to do this, I was sure, but was
afraid.  Now though, with his fingertips, he grabbed each side of my dick
and gently pulled back my skin.

	To say I wasn't getting something out of this was an
understatement; I was rock hard, because now this was a very sexual touch
to me, and unlike having confused feelings or whatnot as I had with my
cousin, this *felt* right, and it was awesome.  As he pulled back my skin,
my head peeked out the end and seeing that, he pulled even more so that it
came out all the way.  "Wow, cccoooolll! You really are like me then!"

	"Yeah," I replied, not sure what to say, but definitely getting
horny as he played with me.  It must have been my voice - he looked at me
and giggled, and didn't say anything else, just went back to looking, but
this time he wrapped his fingers all the way around me, and he sort of
moved the skin up and down over my end a few times. "I bet that's so
cool..."  He paused, then asked in a whisper "Sean, you jack off, don't
you?"

	I had closed my eyes up to that point, but I opened them and saw
him looking at me.  I nodded, and he asked "A lot?"

	I thought about that for a second. "Mmm, I dunno... maybe
sometimes... what do you call a lot? Do you jack off?" I asked.

	"Oh yeah... I do it probably 8-10 times a week, maybe more."

	"That's about the same for me, too."

	It got quiet again; he had stopped playing, but still held me in
the palm of his hand, fingers wrapped firmly. "Your skin is soft, too... Do
you cum?"

	Again I nodded, and before he asked, I said in a hushed whisper,
matching his voice, "A lot."

	He looked surprised. "Really?"

	I looked at him before laying back on the bean bag and closed my
eyes, whispering "Keep that up and you'll find out just how much..." I
invited, not sure if he would, but he was getting me worked up, and I was
sssooooo hoping he didn't turn me down.

	It took a few seconds, and I glanced at him as he was looking at my
crotch.  He looked at my face then back again, and evidently made his
decision, because he didn't really hesitate that much; instead he started a
slow rhythm, shifting himself a little closer, and slowly he did it - he
started jacking me off, starting slow but keeping a firm grip on me. I
heard him whisper "I'm not hurting you any, am I?"

	I whispered back "No, it feels... good..." I was horny then, really
horny, and I was ecstatic. I had done this probably a hundred times in the
last several months, but none of the jacking off I ever did to myself
compared to the pleasure, the sensation or thrill he was giving me now! I
opened my eyes and watched him do it some, watched Cody's expression a
little. It wasn't lust, it wasn't some wild crazed look like it had been on
my cousins face; it was relaxed instead, but curious, with a look that was
all the more fascinated with what he was doing. And it felt right to me. My
hand was by my side, and occasionally when he moved, I could feel something
touch my fingers like cloth, and when I looked, I saw that it wasn't just
the cloth touching me. He was as full at mast as I was, hard inside, and it
was his hidden rod that poked at me. I gently reached and took hold of it,
feeling his hardness inside, then lay back and closed my eyes. I heard him
gasp a little, but he didn't slow down or stop what he was doing to me.

	At one point he was leaning in really close, I thought so he could
see better, but instead his head actually came down on my chest, almost on
my belly. and lay there. I had to let go of his hardness because of the way
he turned, but in all of it he did not stop what he was doing to me. I
wonder now what he saw in me that night; the fact he had never seen anyone
like me was obvious - the way he would play with my skin coming all the way
up and over the end, and then the way he would gently squeeze me as he
pulled it back down. I was in total ecstasy, and I even moaned. It didn't
take me long, and when I finally realized I was getting that little tingle
that starts in the bottom of your belly, and sort of stretches down into
your nuts, I knew it was coming. "I'm close," whispering, my breathing very
ragged and short, trying to tell him he needed to back off - but he didn't,
he kept his head right where it was, facing my hardness while he jacked me
off. Up until then he had sort of been doing me with pointing his fist
upward toward the ceiling, but when I warned him I was close he seemed to
bring it down forward more to face him.  I didn't have time to warn him a
second time, didn't have time to ask him if he had heard me. My stomach
tightened, my breathing uneven; my legs started stretching, and against the
waterbed my mid-section sort of just rose up. My dick got harder even
still, and hot, oh it was so hot... It started to pulse, and then I thrust
myself upward one last time and it came.  My eyes were shut tight, and I
was gasping for air as it felt like a whole mountain was escaping me. I had
never, ever cummed as hard as I did right then, and the growl in my throat
was all I could do, all I could give to keep from swearing, just because of
how awesome it was. I think I could actually feel each pulse as it came up
from inside, from down deep in my nuts even.  Cody never stopped, not once;
he kept milking me, pumping me for everything I had, his head having
slipped down onto my belly even more. I could feel the hot little pools
that were splattering there, and could feel the ooze running down the sides
of my cock, slipping around his fingers, hot and slick, making it slippery
as he slowed down but kept pumping out of my skin. He was pulling harder on
my skin in both directions, too, making me pop out as far as I could go,
then covering the head as much as it would retract.  It was the hardest
orgasm I had ever had, and I fell back against the bed when it was over,
exhausted, gasping for air. My hand felt up his side under his shirt as he
stayed where he was. I was spent, but I was coming down from a plateau I
didn't even know existed. Cody just lay there, slowing down even more and
finally stopping, my skin pulled back, doing what I thought was just
watching, just looking.  I couldn't see his expression, as much as I would
have wanted to.

	Finally he let go of me and sat back up, propping himself with his
elbow, and said in a hushed voice, "That.. was... so... cool!"

	I giggled when I finally got my breath and looked down at the back
of his head.  "So, was that a lot?"

	He answered by turning his face to me, and once I got a clear look,
I gasped "OMG!"  He had two, maybe three globs of my cream running down the
side of his face. He was grinning from ear to ear, "What do YOU think?"

	I didn't know whether to laugh or cry; in the end I started to just
say I was so sorry, because I didn't really know what I could say.  Before
I could start though, he stopped me, laughing.  "No man, it was cool,
wwaaayyy cool."  Then he did something else, something that to this day
still shocks me when I think about my first reaction to it. Some of my
cream was close to his lips, so he took his tongue and licked some of it,
pulling it inside his mouth. I was speechless, too shocked and dumb at that
second to say anything else.

	He looked at me. "What, you never tasted your stuff before?"  I
shook my head, and although it was a moot point now, I stammered, "Y-you?"

	He nodded. "Its not that bad really, kind of funny tasting, kind of
runny, but you know, like silky. Yours..." he paused, sampling my taste
again, "I think yours has kind of a sweet flavor to it, but not, like, not
as runny, just, I dunno, creamy like."  He took a finger, scooped a little
off the side of his face and sucked on it a little, then nodded. "Yeah,
kind of creamy."

	It blew my mind watching him do that. His face suddenly changed
though, and I could see fear in his eyes, and I think he realized how
shocked I really was. I grinned though afterwards, then looked down at my
belly, and saw it - I did it, I really did cream a LOT. I had never had an
orgasm that hard, never had that feeling of pure bliss run though me like
it did that night. And there were gobs - big gobs - pooled in places on my
lower belly. I ran my finger through one - something I had always done
before, but now brought it halfway up to my lips. I hesitated, looking at
Cody to be sure.  His fear had changed, he was holding his breath; I was
unsure, but he nodded and whispered "Try it...", and then I just did it.  I
tasted it, I tasted my own cum, even sucking on the end of my finger a
little.

	As disgusting as the thought originally appealed to me, the shock
of seeing him do it lessened the impact I think.  Seeing the fear in his
eyes also made me feel a little guilty, mostly because of how I had
reacted. Here was someone having fun with me, in a totally open way; I
should have been just as open with him, and that's what made me cross that
first step.  I sampled it, and at his questioning eyes, I smiled,
nodding. "Not bad, kind of... uh, I dunno... different."

	He nodded back, then reached, and pulled up the bottom of his
t-shirt, wiping the rest of his face. He looked at me, and still using that
hushed voice, "Hand me some tissues."  I reached in my headboard and
complied, and he wiped up my pools for me.  I thought that was interesting,
almost amusing, but he seemed to want to do it, so I didn't say anything.
Eventually he leaned out and put them in a trash can I had by the bed and
then rolled back, laying on his side again, looking at me with this
indescribable expression on his face. "Man, you were right, you do cum a
lot. It was so cool watching you erupt like that."

	I grinned. "Told you so!", but then whispered afterwards, "I think
I should probably thank you, that was so... so..." I couldn't put it into
words. He giggled, then finished for me, in a voice barely above a whisper,
"Fucking awesome?"

	I giggled, hearing him swear, and I remember thinking I had never
heard him do that before, never swear with those words, and before I knew
it, I was whispering them back, "Yeah, fucking awesome."

	He seemed pleased and rolled onto his back. He was in the middle of
the bed just then, and I knew what I wanted to do was return the favor. I
looked down at him, and from what I could tell, he was still raging hard as
a rock in his briefs. I was too, surprisingly; I had softened a little, but
right now I could feel the tightness coming back, and glancing at myself I
saw my foreskin had stretched back up over the end, but was having a little
trouble keeping my head undercover.  As I was doing this he asked me "So,
what's it like having that extra skin and stuff?"

	I thought about it for a second. "I dunno, I've never had it any
other way, you know?"

	He laughed. "Duh...!"

	I giggled, then I had an idea.  I rolled over him, naked as I
almost was, my underwear still anchored at my thighs.  We came into contact
briefly while I swung to his other side. See, I was right handed, and there
was no way I could pull off what I was thinking with my left hand. He
grunted having to bear most of my weight, even though I didn't weigh that
much; I did slow down to make sure my knee wasn't going to bend, and to
make sure I didn't knee him in his groin or anything.  Eventually I came
off on the other side of him, onto the other side of the bed. I leaned in
and for some reason, thinking it was like some kind of conspiracy or
secret, and I whispered in his ear, "Wanna find out?"

	He gave me this weird look, like 'Duh!', or 'How do you figure to
do that?', that sort of look.  I just grinned back, but added. "I'll show
you, at least I think I can, but I want something, I want to do something,
if you'll let me."  I paused, seeing the question in his eyes. "I just want
to like, see you, you know? I want to - I want to touch you and feel
you..."

	At first he kept that weird look on his face, like 'Huh?', but then
he just smiled and settled back on the bed, his arms going limp at his
sides. "I don't care Sean, you can do whatever you want."  Then he added in
a whisper, "I trust you."

	If it had been any other moment, knowing how alone I was and needed
this friendship, I might have hugged him, might have even cried again, but
as it was his answer was everything I needed.  So I started by lightly
touching his face - his eyes, his lips, his ears. Nothing all that strange,
I know, but I had never did this to anyone my age. I had a cousin, maybe 3
or 4 years old when one Christmas at my Grams house, I helped put him to
sleep by doing this. I remember how it was so cool to just feel all of the
features of his face and back as I lay in the bed with him, just lightly
touching what was exposed to me and making him relax, to let go of
everything.  Here, I had Cody, and I wanted to do the same, not to put him
to sleep, but because I wanted to feel another boy, everywhere; I wanted to
explore and see everything up close.

	As I got started I didn't dwell anywhere; mostly I just touched him
really lightly, so light in fact that in a few places it tickled him. He
never opened his eyes, never complained or anything, just lay there totally
relaxed, letting me have my way with him. I got to his neck and let my hand
go up under his t-shirt to his collarbone, and explore around it and his
chest.  At one point he whispered to me, "That feels so good Sean..."
Encouraged, I took hold of his shirt and lifted it up, all the way,
exposing his chest and belly.

	My hand went all around him softly - not like a sensual touch or
anything, but one feeling everything, taking time and touching. I was
propped on one elbow, like he had been, looking and observing everything,
up close - really up close, and the more I looked, the more satisfied I
became how much alike we were. I played with his nipples a few seconds,
leaning in close watching them tense and harden up a little; I went down
his sides, taking care not to tickle his ribs, but feeling each one just
under the skin. I raised his arm closest to me and looked in his armpits at
how smooth they were, like mine. Then I went to his belly, and so very
lightly, purposefully caressed his navel, kind of like an outtie, but still
sunken in the center, knowing it would tickle. It was the first actual
tickle I had intended, and he reacted as expected, giggling, moving his
hand to stop me.  He kept his eyes closed, with a relaxed expression on his
face. I pressed harder, feeling down inside a little, but I didn't want to
hurt him any.  I could feel that little nub, and as I looked closer, could
see it up close, and knew it was different from mine. I decided to go
south, and I actually felt it before I saw it: he had a tiger trail leading
down into his briefs.  It wasn't profound or anything, just light-colored
wispy hairs that started below his belly button and continued to the
waistband of his briefs.  I was fascinated by that, for whatever reason I
don't remember why, and as I played ever so softly with it as I followed it
down to his waistband.

	I wanted to go inside right then, but I knew if I did, I would
never finish what I was doing now, and although I'm sure it might sound
funny, especially for a 12 yr old, I was actually having fun.  Instead of
going inside his briefs, I pulled one of his legs up, using my free leg to
sort of spread it a little, then pulled it knee back onto me. He did the
same on the other side all on his own, and the effect was he lay spread
eagle below his hips, each leg pulled back as if he were squatting on a
floor almost.  I couldn't get up like I wanted to, couldn't really move
myself down between his legs and get up close, but I did kind of shift
around like he had before.  I used him to support me a little, crossing at
his waistline and leaning over him.  My arm was on his belly, and very
close to his throbbing cock hidden in his briefs, and I could feel it
twitch every once in a while. I wasn't ready to go there yet though, as I
took my free hand and once again started tracing the features of his legs
and thighs some, working inwards toward the middle.  The inside of his
thighs were smooth, his legs almost the same way; he had little light hairs
going down the front of his legs, and I remember thinking it was cool
because he was like me.  I didn't like hairy legs and arms - I don't know
why, other than I remember seeing some of the older guys in gym class with
a lot of hair on their legs and thinking it looked ugly, I guess.  His
thighs, like mine, were smooth though, and I traced my finger inside each,
all the way up to his briefs, holding his nuts inside.  I noticed on one
side there was a little gap between his leg and the cloth that closed
around his middle, and I carefully hooked a finger inside and probed around
gently. I could feel his sac, his nuts; I could even feel his pubes, and
how soft and silky they were.

	He never moved, never reacted - but I could tell he was enjoying
it. The smile on his face spoke volumes, and I saw his member throb
constantly. I think back on it now and wonder how he ever kept from just
creaming right then and there.  Although I didn't really purposefully touch
him right there that much yet, there was no way I couldn't keep from doing
it some, and most of the times I did, it took on a life of its own,
throbbing ever so hard. I took my hand and just let it walk up and feel the
shape of his cock through the cloth, laying it on top and grinning as I
looked at him.  He opened his eyes, looked at me and grinned just as much
back, and I felt him pulse and throb yet again.  He closed his eyes and I
went back, studying him, wondering if I should do it now.  I was almost
ready to, then I remembered I had one more place I wanted to explore first,
so I stopped and nudged him, gently pushing.  At first he didn't understand
or react, but as I pushed harder he got the idea and stretching his legs
out, rolled onto his other side away from me, turning over almost all the
way on his stomach.

	His back now faced me; I lifted his t-shirt up and saw the
smoothness of his skin, and I let my hand roam across his back a couple of
times, starting at his shoulder blades and working down before falling to
his butt cheeks.  I took each one in hand, gently feeling them as I circled
to the middle before coming up to the top of his waistband.  I put my hand
inside this time and repeated the performance, pushing down and feeling him
again, thinking how cool it was, how smooth his skin was.  Finally I took
each side of his briefs and tugged them down in the back, exposing first
one side, then the other of him to me.  I wasn't so much of a *butt* person
back then, not in a sexual sense anyway; what I remember liking was just
the fact I could see it up close, in full light, and feel how smooth it
was, and how cool it was to actually run my finger up and down his crack
ever so lightly. I remember he had these little dimples right above where
it started, and that each of his cheeks kind of bubbled out.  I sighed,
because I knew he would eventually get tired of me doing this, and although
I really wasn't ready to stop, I didn't want him to get impatient.

	All of this probably sounds like I spent a long time feeling my way
around, looking over his body in such a sensual manner; the fact is,
though, it probably took only a couple of minutes.  I was a kid, and could
I ever repeat that performance again today, I would probably take a whole
lot longer, and forever just feel my way, explore my way around.  These
days, I think I could spend an entire night with somebody naked in a bed,
and never have sex with them, but just do these simple things, just feel
and touch and kiss and ... well, you get the idea I guess.  Since that
night, I have only gotten to repeat it once, a couple of years after that,
and even then it was for a whole different set of reasons, and not like you
would normally expect.  But this night though, with Cody, I was a 12-yr old
that only had fantasies mostly guiding me; you know, the kind that get you
worked up when you're all alone and needing some relief I guess.  I was
incredibly curious, as I called it, and I remember thinking and feeling
then how I just wanted to see, really see, what somebody else was like,
whether other kids were like me, that sort of thing.  Cody was granting me
my wish, but I wasn't about to make it boring or anything to him; I got
what I wanted out of those couple of minutes, and as I gently pulled him
back over, the expression on his face was pure bliss I think: he would have
that half smile, that peaceful look on his face as he kept his eyes closed.

	As he rolled back, he did shift his arms, putting each hand behind
his head. The bean bag had shifted, and it wasn't quite as comfortable as
before; he pulled and rearranged it until it felt better, then just left
his hands there, elbows folded back pointing away, his underarms exposed. I
resisted the temptation to reach up and tickle him, grinning as I waited
for him to get settle.  His underwear was still pulled underneath him,
below his butt, leaving the front taut and straining on the sides, his
still hard member throbbing underneath and keeping the front up, still
completely covered. I paused for just an instant and noticed that he did
indeed have this v-line thing running from both sides of his hips, starting
not far below his ribs, gradually converging and disappearing into his
groin under his underwear. His whole belly area was smooth, a freckle in a
couple of places was all that stopped it from being a perfect color, a
perfect tone.  It was so cool following those lines, that and seeing his
tiger trail heading south.

	I held my breath in anticipation now; I grabbed hold of the
waistband and tugged upward, actually pulling it up toward his belly,
unhooking it from the tip of his cock so it would come free. I pulled it
down slowly, exposing him and his dick for my eyes to see, up close, like I
really wanted to see.  I glanced at his face, his eyes were still closed,
but he had this look plastered there, this smile mixed with something else
- like he was saying 'Finally!' in some way.

	To say he was different, I understood then more than I had ever
before. I knew I was uncircumcised; I had changed a diaper or two in my
time, of boys, and seen how they were different than me, so it wasn't
anything new insofar as just knowing, just learning what it meant.  Cody
was the first boy though I had ever seen my age, hard, totally stretched
out like mine would get, without being covered any at the tip.  The display
made me smile, thinking cool. I really didn't think we would be THAT
different, once my own skin was stretched back, but I think seeing his that
way made me feel a lot better about being, you know, more "normal".  I knew
most kids were circumcised; why I wasn't, I never really understood, and I
was always too embarassed to ask Mom about it.  It never bothered me,
because I just figured I was special in some way - whether I was or not.
Here, though, he was giving me as much of a view as I had given him
earlier.  We didn't measure, or at least I didn't back then; if I were
guessing, I would say he was about 4, maybe 4-1/2 inches, just like me. His
was the tightest I had ever imagined seeing though, even by my own
standards when I pulled my skin back all the way. The head was mostly
smooth, the slit peeking out at the tip; his glands and ridgeline gave way
to the rest of the shaft, gradually working down to his pubes and nuts.  I
lightly touched his head, and again it pulsed as he throbbed.  I reached
and touched his cock all the way up and down, all around lightly with my
fingers, and I came to realize just how smooth it was, even pulled tight
against a rock-hardness that throbbed even more at my touch.  These were
things I had never took notice of for myself, and I think its funny how it
comes to mind when we're thinking, feeling someone else. I traced his cock
all the way down to the base where it connected to his sack, and I had to
shift a little, sit up a little more to see them and that area where they
disappeared between his legs as I cupped them some. The cloth from his
briefs was starting to get in the way, coming up beneath them, so after
thinking for a second I grabbed the waistband again on both sides and
tugged more, this time feeling it come loose with a snap as they sprang
clear of his crotch. I decided to go all the way, pulling and pushing the
underwear down until they came off his feet.  Now only his t-shirt was on
him, but it was still raised and bunched up around his neck.  He looked at
me, grinned again and then moved, coming out of his stillness at that
moment and removed the shirt completely, tossing it aside and stretching
back out before my eyes. This time totally naked under me, under my hand.

	I looked one last time at his crotch, gently taking hold and
raising his throbbing member a little so I could see underneath. His pubic
hairs were like mine, a dark brown. I think maybe he even had a little more
than I did, bunched together they certainly made a little bush, not thick
but soft - very soft and silky. I remember that more than anything I think,
how silky they felt to me. I don't think I ever compared myself that way,
but it was cool to feel it on him.

	I wrapped my fingers around him, and started to move it up and down
a little. He was right, it *was* different, and I had to experiment a
little to figure out how to do it smoothly, so that it would not hurt him.
He throbbed so hard at my touch, even moaned. I remember seeing how his
skin worked its way up over his head and then came back; it never
completely covered it, his tip being rather pointed I think in comparison
to mine, which was sort of flat across the end.  I whispered "Cool!" mostly
because I could now see how it was so different than me, and I learned how
jacking off for someone else like him would be.  He opened his eyes, and I
made contact with them, and grinned. He smiled back, then whispered ever so
softly "Do it Sean, jack me off..." I nodded as he closed his eyes, giving
a big sigh. I knew at that point it was time.

	I leaned in close, whispering to him in his ear "Roll toward
me...", this time pulling his hip instead of pushing.  I think he was a
little confused because he opened his eyes and kind of arched an eyebrow. I
smiled, and said it again, "Roll..."  He did it, and we were facing each
other, so close he had to scoot away a little as I got him to lie on his
side.  He lay there, eyes open, watching me, still wondering what I was
thinking, what I was doing. I looked down, shifted a little until our dicks
were touching, almost sword fighting in a sense.  I was once again rock
hard, even throbbing some myself by now; I giggled, bouncing a little in
the process, but I had to be really careful at this point.  My free hand
was on his hip, and I pulled his butt toward me, making him lean in so we
could do this a little.  I couldn't bounce or do much while we crossed
swords, but every so often our tips would touch and an electrifying pulse
would go through me. He giggled, grabbing my hip and trying to do the
same. I noticed after all this time my briefs were still there, so at one
point I finally pushed them down and off my feet. Other than my t-shirt, I
was now as naked as he was, and although I would have been more than
willing, at that moment I wasn't going to take the time to remove it,
knowing I had more pressing matters at hand.

	I stopped wiggling and pushed forward against him, taking hold of
myself and bending my cock downward, putting my tip to his. He got still
when he realized what I was doing, touching both of us together this way,
and he took his hand and helped me by holding his cock still, stiff to the
end of mine and mine to his.  Then he watched as I pulled my skin back, all
the way, and exposed my tip, pressing it to his, our slits practically
kissing each other. The sensation was enough to make me collapse I think,
but I wasn't about to stop there; I slowly let my skin retract back up, and
while we were still touching, I let it envelop over him. He moved his hand
back, and gasped as it engulfed him; I had just enough extra when I pulled
it up and over that it covered not only me, but the head of his cock
completely too.  He gasped again, "Oh man... oh... sshhiii...", shutting
his eyes, a look of shock and bliss mixed across his face.

	He wasn't the only one at the moment either; while we were touching
it sent one joyous feeling back to me too.  When my skin enveloped us both,
it was like we were joined in unison. I think I might have moaned,
"Mmmm....", the kind of moan that comes from one of those electrifying
thrills that reach you when something just seemed so perfect. I put my hand
over him, grasping him, holding my skin in the palm of my hand, keeping us
joined together, and then I tried moving it back and forth.  I heard him
mutter under his breath, this time not stopping in mid-sentence, "Oh
sshhhiiiitttt...." as he opened his eyes and watched what I was doing to
the both of us.  I looked at him, grinned, and whispered "Like it?"  He
looked at me and could not say anything at first, and when he did, it was
just another soft curse word as he grabbed my hand and made sure I didn't
move away.

	The only bad thing about that moment, as great as it felt, as great
as it was I could do this - for HIM - was the fact I couldn't do it for
very long; it was awkward to really get any kind of a steady motion up
between us.  Maybe if we had been standing up, maybe if we were just
situated a little differently some way, it would have worked, but right
then all that really worked was just holding his throbbing shaft and my tip
and gently moving my skin back and forth over him. He thought it was
awesome, and more than once said it was so cool.  Eventually though, we
were going nowhere, the way we were laying just wouldn't work because it
was just too awkward to get a good motion going, so reluctantly - for the
both of us - I backed off really slow working my way loose, and he just as
slowly rolled onto his back. "MMaaannnnn...." was all he said, and to be
truthful it was all he needed to say for me. At that point I wanted to give
anything I had, anything I could, because of what he had been giving me
this whole night.

	I shifted again and did as he had, laying my head on his chest and
started to slowly jack him off, holding him gently, but firm enough to move
his shaft up and down.  He moaned, whisper "Ohhh... yeah..." and I giggled
a little; it wasn't the words, just the way he said it. As I continued to
slowly jack him up and down, I remembered how I was in ecstasy, how I felt
at his touch. Until this night, no one had ever touched me, never grabbed
me and gave me the joy he had given me. I watched his head disappear in my
fist then pop back out, and although it was interesting, I know it probably
wasn't near as fascinating for me as mine had been for him with all the
extra skin to play with.

	What I did notice though was just how it felt - so silky smooth and
hard at the same time; and there was an odor, ever so slight, that reach my
nose, a scent of muskiness I guess. I was a little surprised, especially
since we had just had a bath, but then I remembered of all the places we
washed and cleaned, that had been an area really hard to reach for the both
of us, because of how we fit in the tub and everything, so neither of us
really "washed" down there, or offered to do it for the other, probably
because we still had some nervousness.  The scent was interesting to me,
because it smelled like I did sometimes, and for some reason it aroused me,
turned me on even more.

	I can't explain what it did to me, I don't even think I want to
try, but what it did do was help me make something up in my mind. I had
never done this before, and I was shaky as I contemplated it. I heard about
guys getting their dicks sucked, and I heard one guy tell in gym one day,
in every bit of glorious detail what some girl had done for him. I wasn't
stupid or ignorant; I had had a fantasy or two about it even on some of my
loneliest of nights, in bed satisfying my urge I guess you would call
it. The thing about this night though, what made me nervous was not knowing
how Cody would react to it if I did it to him. I think I finally realized I
was going to talk myself out of it if I didn't give in and just do it; my
curiosity won out, and I think ultimately it was something I wanted to do,
you know, wanted to give back to him.

	I did it. I slowly moved my head off his chest, down to his belly,
so close that I was less than a half-inch it seemed, away from where I was
jerking the tip of his cock toward me. I slowed down my rhythm, not pulling
so far up over his head, then I slowly worked my mouth over his tip,
scooting my head more and more down his belly until just the head was
submerged inside my lips.  I heard him gasp, even cry out "Whoa, what...?",
but he stopped, and I just lay there, not sure if I should let go and stop
or not.  I just ever so slightly kept moving my hand up and down his base,
and when he didn't react or say anything more, I went down on him with my
mouth even more, now fully taking him halfway inside of me.  It reached a
point where I could not keep my tongue from touching him, and when it
finally did, I got my first taste of him, and it was surprisingly nice -
warm, silky, soft. I then let my tongue reach out for all of him, as I
slipped the rest of him inside me, all the way to the base, filling my
mouth.  "Oh shit!" he whispered, grabbing the back of my head with both his
hands, but instead of pulling me off, he was keeping me there, not letting
me go away. I knew then it was okay, that he was getting something from it.
Again that cursing, from him, like it was something evil but gratifying,
made me feel glad inside; because we hardly ever cursed, I knew it was
genuine for the both of us. I was tasting him, I was tasting my first boy
cock at the time, and sucking it; I was getting the flavors of his skin, of
his scent, and they were engulfing me. His pubes tickled my nose when I
went all the way down, but it was the kind of tickle that let more of his
scent in me, and made it all that much stronger.

	I slowly pulled off of him up to his tip, with him still holding
his hands on my head though and gently pushing, urging me to go back when I
reach his end, and I stopped and took my tongue and tasted around him. I
liked it - it was, different, like fulfilling in a way. I licked around his
glands, around his ridge; I tasted a little drop of something on his slit,
and thought it was different, so I sort of concentrated there. He was going
wild, moaning and bucking his legs up and down as I held firm and played a
little.  I got a lot out of that moment, him inside of me, but nothing like
I think he was getting in return. I finally went back down on him, taking
him inside again, and licking the whole time I did it, getting my own
ravenous pleasure from him.

	I didn't have to wait long, as he started bucking more and more,
sometimes pushing inside of me, sometimes not. In the end, I knew he was
awfully close; I could feel a difference in him I didn't feel myself when I
jacked off.  My hand was still gripping him at the base, and I could
actually feel it tighten as he grew closer. I knew at that moment I would
have to make another decision, whether to pull off or not, but I think
having tasted my own had made me curious as to what it would taste like
coming fresh from him. I didn't have to think long - I decided already I
was going to go through with it all the way. It was a good thing too,
because he was there. He tried to warn me I think, but like him, I just
didn't listen. He was inside my mouth, and I could almost sense a swelling.
I took my hand from his base and instead cupped his nuts, fingering them
only lightly, as I one last time took him all the way inside and suckled
him.

	And he came... man did he cum and cream me!  He creamed me like I
could never imagine, hitting the back of my throat like a rocket with wave
after wave of big gushes, filling me quickly. I had to back off because he
came so hard; once, twice... three times, and each was seemingly like a
gulch had let loose. I pulled off all the way to his tip, my mouth now
filled with his boy juice, as finally the eruptions slacked off and
lessened in amount. The intensity was another story though. One hand of his
was on the back of my head, squeezing, hard; the other I found later had
actually been pulling the comforter halfway down the bed. He had arched
upwards, his whole body rigid, and I could feel his belly, everything about
him around me, radiating heat. He had cried out, in barely even a whisper,
more curse words... "Oh ffuuuccckkk...." and so forth, but he did it in
such a way as to express extreme pleasure.  I didn't mind; I seldom cursed
anymore, and I knew he was the same.  I guess going to church and living in
strict families does that for some guys.  That night though, right there,
it was just me and him, just us.  For me, I was in heaven it seemed, and I
finally gulped, swallowing most of what I had taken, only a little slipping
down the sides of him, which as I got my breath back, I took care of by
engulfing him yet again, taking him inside all the way and licking up
anything that had escaped.

	I finally stopped, and pulled off of him, and lay my head back on
his belly, and just watched him soften down some. His breathing, like me,
was so sharp, so erratic, as he gulped for air. I lay there, listening to
his heartbeat as it slowed down, and his breathing became more normal.  His
taste was still lingering in my mouth, and I remember thinking, it was
sweet, but also kind of salty. Foremost though, I was happy - happy I had
did that for him, happy he got so much out of it. I finally turned my head
the other way, now looking up his chest to his face.  His eyes were open,
and he was staring at me.  We did that for a moment, before he barely
whispered yet again "D-do y-y-you know what you just did... for me?"

	I giggled a little. "I think so, yeah." I looked at him. "Did you
like it?"

	"Oh man... Oh God Sean... You have no idea what that was like... it
was so fucking awesome..."

	I moved my head up on his chest. "I know, bro. I could hear it from
you - I could feel it."

	He looked at me, almost like he was in awe or something, which
giving what I know now days and looking back, I guess he was. He hesitated,
then asked "You ever done anything like this stuff before?" his eyes
searching mine.

	I thought for a second before I answered, "Only in my dreams Cody."

	"With me?"

	I giggled.  "Sometimes..."

	He smiled. I already knew it wasn't the surprise or the shock of it
all, that he didn't think what I had done was something revolting or
disgusting. For me, instead it was just another one of those little things
that passed between us. I still refuse to believe, even to this day, that
it was what you would call a real love between us, like a boyfriend or
girlfriend (or in our case, boyfriend and boyfriend) kind of thing. We were
too young to really grasp what that sort of thing meant, I think. I had had
a crush a time or two in my life before that night, but being the shy type
it was something that only made me feel hurt, miserable and - yeah,
alone. I think back then love for me was instead just having a deep
friendship. I never, Until that night, had thought of that deep friendship
being built so strong on trust.  From the moment Cody first asked me 'Do
you trust me? Do you really, really trust me?', that had been playing over
and over in the back of my head. So when we got still, when we got to that
point we were both coming down from that height we had reached, it was the
serious moment he was giving me.  Mind you, 12 yr olds CAN have serious
moments every once in a while, but probably not with the kind of drama I
read in other stories.  For us though, I remembered thinking and looking a
grinning at him and whispering back something like, "Now do you believe how
much I trust you?"

	He giggled and then, I think, he did it to me.  I had already
hugged this kid of mine once this night, but this time he hugged me,
pulling me up to him. It wasn't my embrace that was the hardest either, but
his, because he did not let me go for a long time.  When he did let go and
I rolled back, I sort of snuggled up to his side, laying my arm over his
belly.  We stared at each other in silence as he lay there, coming down; he
had been in wonderland, and I really wasn't far behind him. We both had
gone soft, and I really didn't care at that point whether we did anything
more or not; just seeing him and being with him was everything to me at
that moment. I don't know, maybe in a way you can call it a love I was
feeling. I don't know why, but at that moment, I think I remember starting
to cry. It was kind of a happy cry, not even a lot of tears, but just a lot
of joy inside of me. At first he didn't sense it, but after a bit he leaned
his head back and asked me, "You okay?"

	I nodded, kind of rubbed my nose, and said "Yeah, I'm great Cody!",
and I meant it.  I looked at him and I whispered, "Like you said, I'm
fucking fantastic!"  I was breaking our mood some, I know, but I was on top
of the world laying next to him. He laughed, and so did I, giggling as we
were getting so used to doing anymore. He moved his arm around me, and my
head was halfway on his shoulder while we snuggled.  He whispered again "I
could hold you all night, you know?"

	I looked at the clock: it was almost 11:00!  Not that I cared that
much, but it seemed like time had just stood still, then like, rushed by
us. After a minute or so I sat up, got his t-shirt and put it on him,
followed by his underwear. He let me do completely everything, only lifting
his hips a little when I needed him to, taking my time and giving his dick
one last gentle tug before I covered him up.  He didn't care, in fact I
think he liked it.  Then he did the same for me, at least as far as my
underwear went. The with a little effort, we crawled under the covers in
the bed.  Until that moment, I never noticed - not even once - we had left
the bedroom windows up still. Outside it was still raining hard, and the
both of them created the perfect blend for us.  It was cold in my room,
just like I was used to, but we warm in my bed, and it was so perfect for
me; I only hoped it was for him too.  We lay there, facing each other, our
hands meeting in the middle, our fingertips kind of just touching, and
seeing his face I could tell he was thinking about something, so I asked
him, "How about you? Are you okay?"

	He grinned, and mouthed the words without saying them 'fucking
awesome!'  I giggled, and I knew we were sort of back from that point of
swearing anymore, that the taboo was ending, at least for now, and I was
okay with that.  He paused, then spoke, his voice more steady, but still
hushed. "Can I ask you something else?"

	I looked back and shrugged, "Sure."  He hesitated, and even started
once or twice to say something, but stopped; when he didn't say anything, I
added "What's up?"

	He was struggling with something, I could see that now, and I got
to tell each of you that at that moment - beyond we shared with each other,
beyond the sex, beyond the sensual moments and everything else - that whole
night came down to what happened next.  You know, I write this telling you
everything I can remember as if it had happened yesterday, and I have given
every piece of detail I can remember, both from my heart and from my
memories - not just for you, but for me too. Still, I have to tell you
this: that night - that moment - this is what I remember the most, this is
what I kept in my heart the most for the last 10 years or so.  I remember
leaning over to him, smiling a little as I prompted him "What's wrong?
Don't you trust me?"

	He nodded and looked at me, not giggling this time, but being so
very serious. "You know, don't you? You know how I feel, inside..."  He
made it like a statement, but his voice was like a question.

	I remember smiling, because I did know.  If it hadn't been made so
obvious to this point, it was now. "Yeah, I think I do. I know I feel like
I've gained a brother tonight Cody, from the moment you first called me
Bro."

	It was his turn, I think; he almost cried, and he just said
it. "You had me before tonight Sean... You've had me for a long time. I
know Sean," before he fell to a hushed whisper and finished, "cause I love
you."  He said it, we both had that thing between us, that bond. "I don't
think I would ever have done it with anyone else, you know? I mean, " and
here the tone in his voice changed, almost cracking, "I hope you don't
think I'm gay or some-"

	I put my hand over his lips fast and stopped him. "No Cody... I
don't." I hesitated, thinking. "This is us, nobody else. No one knows
anything about what we share between us, because its you and me, you know?
We're friends - best friends. You're my brother, and it doesn't make us gay
or fags or anything." I was still in denial then, even with all my
fantasies and everything, and I didn't even want to think about that stuff
right then. I knew what it meant to the both of us when it came to our
church and good Lord, what all that would imply otherwise, and we both knew
what it would do to us in school. "We're both brothers now, we're both just
curious, you know? Tonight we just gave each other something, that's all,
you know?" He nodded, looking relieved, then to break that serious moment,
I grinned at him. "Besides, I thought it was fun! I kind of hope we do
more!"

	He giggled and then laughed.  "I do too!"  Then he turned to me
again and whispered "Thank you Sean. I meant it, what I said."  And he
mouthed those words again, 'I love you'.  I don't know, maybe he did think
of it that way, and I probably did too, because I felt like everything was
gushing up inside of me. I did the same back, mouthing it wordlessly,
because I think in some way, it meant more, like, had more feeling in it
that way.  I don't want to add so much to this chapter anymore, not about
the afterwards.  We talked for a long time afterwards that night, in a much
lighter mood, giggling like crazy now and then, staying close, sort of
snuggling.  At some point we turned off the lights, but we kept talking. We
spooned each other sometimes while taking a break from just laying on our
backs, and other times we shifted just so we stayed in contact we each
other. I loved the feeling of being next to him, sharing his warmth; I
loved how he stayed so open with me that night too. It was like a whole new
world opened for me, too.  I mean, guys at school kidded and boasted and
everything else about girls and sex and whatever; here, we talked about sex
too, Cody being the first person I was ever comfortable around to do it
with. He asked me lots of questions, like what was it like when I sucked
him and stuff; I tried to tell him, but in the end even he admitted he
would have to find out later, and I giggled, half hoping, but also knowing
it was going to be with me. I asked him a lot of questions too, like how it
felt on his end. But it wasn't all about us - we talked about girls too,
what it must be like to screw them, how different it had to be. That part
of the talk did not turn me on, but it was just for discussion, so it was
okay. I remember we both agreed it couldn't be all that different than what
we had done to each other, except for maybe the screwing part. The sex
stuff came easy to talk about with Cody, and he didn't hold back on me any.
He even admitted to me he had been having dreams and fantasies too, from
everything like imagining some of the guys at school, and what they might
be like - just like I did. I think what I got out of all of it was the fact
it made me feel more normal than I ever really felt before. Maybe it was
because of the emotions of the whole evening or something, I don't know,
but here was a time or two I wanted to cry, but I didn't - well, not much
anyway. And I don't think the whole impact of that feeling really hit me
until after the weekend was over.  I mean, when we went back to school
Monday, and for the rest of that year - heck, even the rest of junior high
school I guess - I had a new attitude, not feeling so abnormal anymore, and
that was a good thing.  In a way Cody had given me so much more than he
ever knew, so much more than I ever got to tell him...

	What else did we talk about that night? We talked about our home
life, and I mean really deep down stuff about his parents, his sister, my
Mom and Dad and their divorce and what it had done to me.  He had heard
about the rumors of being a butt-head and I told him the truth. I remember
he admitted he was lonesome a lot too, but even he acknowledged that he
probably wasn't anywhere as bad off as me.  He had a sister, and unlike me,
lots and lots of family, cousins and whatnot. In the end though he again
told me he had always thought of me as his brother though, and that made me
feel so special. At that point I was spooning him, my arms wrapped around
him, and I squeezed him tight, and whispered in his ear one last time I
loved him too.  It wasn't long after that we fell asleep, and although I
can't remember the dreams I had that night, I do remember they put me into
a really peaceful sleep.  At some point I heard Mom come home, and
realizing I was still holding onto him, I quickly rolled to the other side
of the bed before she opened and peeped in the door.  I knew she found us
thinking we were asleep, because she came in and up my side of the bed,
leaned in and gave me a little kiss on my forehead before she retreated and
closed the door behind her.  She didn't usually do that, and I got to tell
you, I felt more loved that night than I had in a long, long time. As she
headed back downstairs and disappeared, COdy rolled over and snuggled up
close to me, spooning me not too tight, but putting his arm over me. I was
so content as I took his arm in mine and went back to sleep.

	-----

	That's the end of this chapter.  Yeah, it was a long one.  I offer
no apologies, no excuses; I just did my best guys - I threw everything I
could into making it as real as I felt it that night, as real as I want to
remember it, keep it in my heart.  With Mom home the rest of that weekend
went so-so, because we both knew we had to be careful. I'm not sure if my
next chapter will finish what we had for the weekend or not. Basically we
kidded around, wrestled a little - my knee improved a whole lot over the
next couple of days. That Saturday night the 3 of us - Cody, myself and my
Mom - got into a long, long game of Monopoly, and when we went to bed we
were really tired, so nothing much really happened short of us just holding
each other and jacking the other off.  Sunday morning Cody woke up before
me and I do remember those details pretty clearly; it was the first time I
got suck, and the experience was everything Cody led me to believe it
was. Our bond had grown more by then, special as it was between the both of
us.
	But I can tell that story some other time.  I hope these big long
chapters have been worth it for you, but more than anything, as I've said
from the very beginning, I also hope it helps somebody, somewhere down the
road, deal with being alone and seeing how I dealt with it then, and now.
I almost hate the thought of a kid getting hold of these chapters, but you
know, if it will in any way help some teen or tween feel like there is
hope, that there is something or someone out there, you know - so they
don't have to feel so alone about having the feelings and things I went
through - then I'm all for it, I would WANT them to read this. I would WANT
them to know that even though life sucks sometimes, it's also got its
moments, you know?
	Take care, all of you. Its time for me to go to bed.  :o)
	EKidKy@hotmail.com