Date: Sun, 22 Aug 2004 01:16:50 -0400
From: Jay Kool <jaykool74@hotmail.com>
Subject: My So Called Life - Chapter One

"My So Called Life" -- Chapter One by Jay Kool (jaykool74@hotmail.com)

	Everyday my life seems to repeat and be exactly the same as the
week before this one, I would say day but I don't have to go to school on
weekends.  I get up and get ready for school.  I'm nothing special... just
some stupid seventh grader who tends to get picked on a lot by the other
kids, older and younger alike at the bus stop, on the bus, at school,
everywhere except at home.  I'm an only child and my life is comprised of
loneliness and despair.
	I've basically discovered a few things this year during my short
lived life.  First off, the single greatest pleasure I've ever had is
jacking off.  Second I'm a gay teenager in a suburban neighborhood.  In a
very conservative neighborhood, the last person at my school to come out
got the shit kicked out of him about everyday until his parents decided it
was best to move to protect him.  So I have no one I can really confide in,
I'm kind of a loner and a loser.
	My mother tries to reassure that the reason I have no close friends
from school is the fact that we moved here a month and a half ago.  I know
it is the fact that I'm a scrawny wimp.  Animals can sense fear, why can't
my classmates sense the fact that I'm scared to death of revealing myself
for fear of receiving daily beatings from the bullies.  It's better to
disappear and fade into the background then to be noticed and become a
target of some other insecure kid at my school.  My parents have no clue
that I'm gay.  At first I was in denial.  My simple comparisons in the
locker room actually turned me on; it wasn't by any means a scientific
discovery.
	Now I realize that whoever is reading this is saying to themselves
that this is not a twelve year old writing, but they don't realize that
I've been in the gifted classes from day one of school.  Apparently I blew
some curve for intelligence before starting school and my parents being
educators made sure I was receiving the best education possible.  The only
reason I'm going to the current public school is because my dad was hired
as the superintendent and it would look bad politically to send his son to
a private school.  My mother is the high school librarian, so her pastime
of reading has also become one of mine.  I've never owned a video game
system or watched senseless cartoons like other kids growing up.  I can
tell I'm not normal; I don't need my fellow classmates to help me figure
that out.  A book is an excellent way to hide from the average Joe, bully
or jock.  The only kids approaching me are the smart ones supposedly at the
top of the class and when I don't respond they usually give up.  They don't
know that I'm at the top of the class with my perfect grade point average
and an I.Q. that placed in the top 99.99% of all children taking the
entrance tests for kindergarten when I was a year younger than most test
takers.  I was born on September 14, 1982 and could have put off starting
school a year later without being older than most of my classmates, but my
parents felt that an extra year in preschool would be inappropriate for a
child of my intellect.
	I guess it would be time to describe myself physically to you.  I'm
not as ugly as I think I am, well that's what I've been told by many people
who have heard my outlook of myself physically.  I'm 4'10", 74 lbs with
blue eyes and blondish brown hair (turns blonde in summer with the sun);
with a slight tan (it would be darker if I spent more time in the sun).
I'm a skinny kid so I can't brag about having nice bulging muscles or a
well developed six pack.  Like I stated early on, I'm just a scrawny kid,
nothing special.
	Okay getting back to my "Ground Hog" life; remember the movie where
Bill Murray keeps living the same day over and over until he gets it right?
That's me except I don't think I can ever get my life to turn out right.  I
moved away from the only friends I ever had when we lived in Chicago.  Now
we live in Bloomington, it is a city in Indiana where State Farm Insurance
is headquartered, exciting huh?  I went from an exclusive private school
for the highest intellectuals and well to do families, to a public school
in the middle of nowhere.  I guess I'll give up any good life I could've
had to further my dad's career.
	Well today is the first day of school here in Bloomington.  I
figure since I was picked on at my old school that I'll be picked on at my
new school.  I'll be attending Edwin Bradley Middle School, a beloved
superintendent who passed away before I was ever a thought.  Maybe my dad
will have a school named after himself one day.  I guess it is time to get
ready for school since my mom yelled again for me to get out of bed.  She
doesn't realize that I don't want to leave the house ever again.  I'm a bit
shy and starting a new school without knowing anyone is going to be really
hard.
	I got out of bed and walked into my bathroom, yes I have my own
full bathroom.  I have my own bedroom with a double bed, and a computer.
My parents make a nice combined salary for themselves.  I do the normal
business, well I try to but I still have morning wood.  I guess I'll take a
cold shower first or something to soften myself.
	Let's fast forward to the bus stop so I don't bore you to death
with the agony of my boring life.  I head out the door to the bus stop,
which is down at the corner a block over from mine.  No shortcut since
everyone has fenced in yards in this neighborhood.  I can already foresee
missing the bus.  There is a crowd of four girls and six boys at the bus
stop.  Apparently the high school students are dropped off after the middle
school pupils to save on gas for the district.  None of the students take
any particular notice of me since I try to be as quiet as I can, standing
behind them out of the way.
	The bus arrives and everyone is loading in front of me and I trip
on the second step crashing into the kid in front of me.  Actually my head
lands against his ass.  Can we say embarrassed?  Well he turns around
asking what the hell am I doing, as I am picking myself up off of the
steps.  It seems like another senseless beating is about to begin when he
backs off a bit with his language and introduces himself.  "Hi, I'm Jim.  I
didn't mean to yell at you."  I am stunned to say the least and am kind of
staring with a stupid look on my face before the bus driver tells us to go
to find a seat.
	I follow Jim on the bus and I take the first empty seat available,
which happens to be the fourth seat on the bus.  Jim appears to be about my
age.  He is 5'4" 90lbs with brown hair, brown eyes, a faint tan with a
light dusting freckles on his nose and cheeks.  I guessed he figured I was
following him to the back because when he sat down he asked his friends
where I went to.  They joked stating that I took the first empty seat I
could, asking if he missed his boyfriend yet.  My face was still blushing
from the incident when a boy in the seat across from mine said for me to
ignore them.
	"My name is David and you are?"  He was gorgeous and I was stunned
that he wasn't in the back with the other kids.  I didn't know it at the
time but one of the kids in the back named Billy didn't get along with
David.
	I stuttered a bit in a quiet voice, "My name is Tyler."  At this
point I heard one of the kids mock Jim that his boyfriend Tyler was going
to get stolen by David.  Everyone accused David of being gay because he was
so beautiful.  He has golden hair with blue eyes that you could get lost in
with a killer tan and a perfect body for a 12 year old.  David was 5'6"
tall and 92lbs with a ripped body for his age.  This kid had muscle
definition that you could see and I swore that he had a body fat percentage
of less than three percent.  He was born 12 days before me.  I started to
blush some more and thought that I was going to die, great a panic attack
on the bus before I even made it to school.  David sensed this as I stared
at him and snapped me back to reality.
	As the middle school children exited the bus I could hear one of
the mockers named Billy a bigger kid (5'6" 160lbs) joke how I almost died
on the bus and that Jim better take care of me.  I felt so embarrassed that
a few tears started to streak down my face.  I was the last one off the bus
and the driver told me not to pay any attention to these kids.  He
introduced himself and knew that I was the new kid on the block and told me
that I could talk to his wife who was a guidance counselor at my school,
Mrs. Fairfax.
	I went inside of the school to my homeroom with Mr. Barkley.  I was
late to class and was told to sit next to David (we had assigned seats).  I
was happy to sit near someone familiar but I didn't want to look at him
because he made me too horny.  I found out during roll call I was the only
new kid in the whole middle school of 605 kids for 6th, 7th and 8th grade.
I guess I had no one to share my pain with.  Mr. Barkley assigned David as
my tour guide for the first week of classes to ensure that I knew where
everything was at.
	Mr. Barkley was our history teaches for our first period.  At the
end of class, David stopped me and we compared schedules.  I wouldn't see
him again until lunch which was two periods from now.  He pointed me to my
next class and my day was a blur until lunch time.  I couldn't wait to get
back to my locker to unload all of the text books handed out today.  I went
into the lunch room and was going to get into line to buy lunch when I
noticed that I didn't bring any lunch money.  David came up to me noticing
my worried looking face and asked what was wrong, at first I said nothing
was wrong because I didn't want to appear to be as stupid as I was.  He
pressed me a bit more and I admitted that I forgot my lunch money on the
kitchen table.  He lent me a dollar for lunch since his parents give him
his money at the beginning of the week.
	"Dude, you need to chill out a bit.  First you trip on the bus,
second you have a panic attack or something, then you look like a deer
caught in oncoming headlights anytime someone talks to you and then you
look like you found out you killed an innocent man when you figure out you
forgot your lunch money."  David was joking with me and all I could do is
stand frozen in line when the lunch lady asked what I wanted to eat.
"He'll take a slice of pizza, salad, chocolate chip cookie, and chocolate
milk.  I'll have the same."
	Maybe I was on a date since Dave just ordered for me.  What was
with this dude stuff?  Are we in California or Indiana?  I guess I was
still looking puzzled when David tapped me on the shoulder.
	"Earth to Tyler... Come in Tyler."
	"Oh I'm sorry I was just wondering what was with you calling me
dude?  We do live in Indiana right?"
	"Dude, everyone calls everyone dude. Just pay the lady and let's go
find a seat."  I give the dollar to the lady at the register and exit the
cafeteria line.  As I am half way between the line and the first row of the
tables, I step on my shoelace and trip with my food flying everywhere.  I
am such a dork and a loser.  Everyone in view starts laughing and pointing
as I pick myself up off of the floor.  I can tell that I am redder than a
bottle of ketchup when David rushes up to help me cleanup and tells me that
it happens to everyone someday.  He also states that I can get another meal
free since I didn't' get to eat that one.  After we discard my spilled food
I excused myself and went to the bathroom.
	I figure I can just sit in a stall until the bell rings; I'm not
that hungry anyways.  I didn't even notice that I was crying until I felt
teardrops hit my hands that were on my lap.  This is a great first
impression I was making on the students and faculty of Bradley Middle
School.  A few boys entered the bathroom, did their business and left.
Some of them don't wash their hands when they are done using the restroom.
How gross is that!  After fifteen minutes or so, David enters the bathroom
and asks, "Tyler are you in here?"
	"Yes, will you please leave me alone?"  I answered.  David
eventually coaxes me out of the stall and notices that I've been crying.
He hugs me telling me not to cry that it'll be okay.  I haven't been hugged
in a while, it felt good.  I guess I was shaking a bit, because he actually
told me to calm down right before he kissed me on my forehead.  The hottest
kid in the school or world for that matter kissed me on the forehead.  He
eventually let go of me when he heard someone enter the restroom, and as my
luck would have it, it was the bully named Billy from the bus.
	"What's the matter, can't the sissy hack middle school?"  Billy
sneered as he shoved me away from David.
	"Leave him alone Billy, he's had a rough day." David stated in a
clam tone of voice.  I think I could fall in love with this boy if I wasn't
careful.
	"Well if he acts like this tomorrow, I'm going to beat the snot out
of him.  I don't care who the hell his dad is."  Did everyone know who my
dad was?  I breathed a sigh of relief once Billy removed his hand from my
chest, before I fainted and landed into Billy.  When I came through about a
minute latter I heard Billy laughing, "What a wimp, I'm amazed he didn't
piss his pants yet... what a fucking ninny."  Billy did his business before
leaving.  Maybe some bullies do have hearts since I was spared this one
time.
	David walked me back to the lunchroom where he retrieved me another
lunch.  We sat at a table with his friends and David introduced me to them.
I sat stupidly without saying anything, just listening to their banter.  I
ate the pizza and salad but didn't touch the chocolate chip cookie or
chocolate milk much to David's amazement.
	"I'm allergic to chocolate" I stated as a matter of fact.
	"How can you be allergic to chocolate?  That's impossible.  Why
didn't you tell me that in line when I ordered for you?" David said.
	"I was too afraid to speak and I didn't want to hurt your feelings"
I whispered to him.
	"Dude, what's the whispering about?  So could you die from eating
chocolate?" David's friend Alex asked.  Alex was 5'9", 118lbs with black
hair, black eyes, athletic with a white complexion.  I could see that he
had hair on his legs already; he was so far ahead of me apparently.  He was
actually thirteen years old which made him older than the most of the
table.
	"Yes I could die from eating chocolate" I answered.
	"You would risk your life in order to spare my feelings dude?  Are
you crazy?"  As David asked me this, I guess he noticed that I turned white
and thought that I was going to faint.  I wanted to answer with an
affirmative that I would risk my life for him, but it didn't seem
appropriate.  David started apologizing, "I didn't mean it dude, and I'm
only joking with you.  Aren't you used to hanging out with friends or
something?"
	"Yeah he's got the social skills of a snail." His friend Jason
joked.  Jason was a cute kid about my size; he was 4'11" 82lbs with perfect
teeth, blonde spiky hair, green eyes and a medium tan.  He was very cute,
but next to David, no one seemed to spark my interest.  I smiled at that
comment; it was actually quite witty comparison of me.  We finished lunch
and I regained some of my color and composure without being lambasted for
being a sissy like Billy would point out.  I forgot that David was in three
of the last four classes I had including gym class that followed lunch.