Date: Wed, 10 Nov 2004 20:35:44 -0500 From: Jay Kool Subject: My So Called Life - Chapter 12 "My So Called Life" -- Chapter Twelve by Jay Kool (jaykool74@hotmail.com) -------------- My mother basically had to use a tow truck to pull my butt out of bed today. I am so dreading going to school, why can't I just stay at home and sleep until I die? Why does God always have to be so cruel to me? I relented to my mother's command to get ready for school and went in the bathroom taking a shower and getting ready. I noticed how drained I looked when I saw my reflection in the mirror. Maybe I'd get lucky and not become lunch for a school bully today. I dressed completely in black for my forced return to school; hopefully I could fade into the background and get by today without being noticed. I left the house and made my way to the bus stop just as the bus pulled up and I was the last one on the bus taking the first seat I spotted. I didn't see David on the bus which was a relief to me but I was pretty much looking straight forward lost in thought, not paying attention to anyone or anything. I closed myself off to the world the moment I entered the bus. When the bus arrived I was the first one up and to the door, I suppose everyone figured the freak wanted off first. Everything was pretty much a solid blur during the day except when I seemed to do something stupid or embarrassing. Gym class didn't go well, lunch didn't go well... I was avoiding everyone and trying not to be noticed but my clumsiness overtook me whenever the opportunity presented itself. I didn't speak to anyone except when a teacher would ask me a direct question. David avoided me and I avoided him, which also meant staying away from our mutual friends. Billy, my only other friend outside of David's group moved away over Christmas break but the legend of my kicking his butt lived on and was mutating into some twisted story. Kids are saying that he moved away because I kicked his ass, but he moved away because his dad found a job in Texas. But high school is famous for its rumor mill and gossip. It's only a matter of time before David tells the school what a faggot that I am and no one will believe me when I try to tell him that he's just like me. It seems like I can never win, I just always lose. Peace finally arrived in study hall even though my mind was throbbing and my heart was aching from missing David. I sat in silent exasperation trying to comprehend why he would start something, care so much and then let me go so easily. The next thing I knew I was brought out of my depressed trance as the bell rang and it was time to go to my next class, English. Not my favorite subject or teacher but none of that mattered at the moment. I was too busily lost in a desperate search for sanity and closure at this point of the day in my pitiful life. I finally gained the courage to approach David when I saw him in between classes at his locker and asked him if he wanted to come over to my house so that we could talk. He pretty much stated that he was surprised that I wanted to talk and said that he told me everything he wanted me to know. There was nothing left to talk about according to him; my heart broke into a few more pieces as my body slumped. Instead of going to my next class, I decided to skip and head home. I needed some time to adjust to my new life at school. I walked home from school without being noticed as I walked off of the school grounds. I checked the mail before heading into the house, mom had some bills and other junk mail and I received a card from my dad. I figured it was a Christmas card with money in it, but it was an invitation to my dad's wedding and he wanted me to be the best man. Yeah like I wanted to watch him finish the betrayal of my mother. What the hell was he thinking? Isn't it apparently clear to him that I don't want him in my life if he's going to dump my mother? I think it would be so much easier for everyone if I never existed or if I just died or something. I have nothing good going for me in my life; I have no friends and no significant other. David hates me. I hate me. I went up to my room where I discarded my shoes on the floor and laid face down on my bed and started crying at every cruel word David said to me earlier that day. I cried whenever I thought of my dad getting married to someone other than my mother. I cried myself to sleep. I was awakened by my mother calling up the stairs to me to come down and talk to her. She found out that I skipped a few classes that afternoon at school and wanted to have a word with me, I wasn't going to have a chance to have any words of my own in that conversation. It was a battle she'd easily win today. As I came down the steps she started in at me about how a good education is one of the most important things in life until she noticed that I had been crying (my eyes told it all). She asked me what was wrong and I told her about how David didn't want to talk to me anymore, that I lost all of our common friends and that Billy moved away, the only friend that was a mutual friend of David and me. She noticed the crumbled card in my hand and I told her while sobbing that it was a wedding invitation from dad. She started telling me how sorry she was that I had such a bad day and that she'd let me off this one time for skipping school. She hugged me while I cried uncontrollably and convulsed in her arms as she rocked me back and forth whispering to me that everything would be alright. For every good in somebody's life they must've had some bad times too. I eventually stopped crying and returned up to my room to try and work on homework, but it was of little use since my mind was everywhere but on school work. My mother brought up some food for dinner to me but I turned it down telling her that I wasn't hungry to which she replied that I haven't eaten hardly anything for the past month and that I was starting to look really thin. I never noticed since I barely looked at myself in the mirror. I guess my clothes were starting to fit pretty loose, so I decided to weigh myself. I weighed 64 pounds; I lost 10 pounds since the beginning of the school year. I definitely needed to gain weight not lose it. I forced myself to eat the food my mother made for me, which made her smile as she talked to me about work and other subjects avoiding David or my father. After I was done eating I went to bed, without watching TV or playing video games like most kids my age do. I dreamt that I was invisible to everyone but David and that he didn't want to see me but he was my only contact with human life. That without him I would be cut off from the world and be alone and miserable forever. I woke up a little sweaty and crying at a quarter till midnight. How was I going to make it through the night and be able to go to school tomorrow? My mother was at my bedside and she decided to have me sleep with her in her room for the night. At breakfast in the morning my mother told me that I was very restless and asked if I wanted to discuss anything with her. I lied to her that I couldn't remember the dreams. I didn't want her to think that I was psycho or more psychotic than I am. I was turned down when I asked her if I could skip school today, she stated that I needed to face my problems head on, not run and hide all of the time. She drove me to school because we were a little late getting ready or should I say I was a little late. I walked to my locker and then to homeroom avoiding looking at anyone. I pretty much wore monotone clothing again in an attempt to fade into the background, a black pair of jeans with a dark gray sweatshirt. I walked into homeroom with a few of my classmates looking at me and giggling to each other. Either I look really stupid or rumors are flying about how gay that I am. Class was boring and I pretty much sat silent staring ahead into space, not really paying attention to anything. The bell rang and when another student went by Tyler he bumped him back into reality. Tyler went through the motions of going to his classes and forced himself to eat at lunch although he sat in a corner table by himself. Everyone was talking about him speculating why he was so sad and out of it all of the time, but no one would talk to him about what was going on. Everyone was afraid to approach him since his "friends" were all avoiding him, David and the gang. ---------------------------------------------------- Ty's mother heard about the way he was acting from some of the concerned teachers that knew them, but she didn't have a clue how to help. She explained to the teachers that David and Tyler were no longer getting along and that her ex-husband was getting remarried and that he asked Tyler to be the best man. She also explained Tyler's past school experiences and the teachers all felt bad for Tyler and wanted to help. One of the teachers actually approached David to ask what was going on but she received no response and let it go. She figured that the two boys would eventually work out whatever came in between them. ---------------------------------------------------- I ate alone without anyone saying even hi to me for another day in a row. Even thought it was sunny outside, I was surrounded by the storm clouds that David created. Why does he hate me so much? How could he go from caring so much about me and loving me to absolutely hating me where he'll barely say a word to me, let alone acknowledge that I live? What was he so afraid of? The worst would be that the school would find out that he was gay and then they would also know about me if he hasn't already told everyone. I rose from my table and turned around paying little attention to what I was doing or even where I was at that I ran directly into Jason spilling the remains of my half ate lunch all of him. I immediately and profusely started apologizing and trying to clean up Jason before he told me to chill out and asked what the hell was wrong with me. He wanted to know why I wasn't sitting with him and his friends and I told him that David and I had a fight and since you guys were friends with David first I just assumed that I wasn't welcome. He laughed and said that I should come join them tomorrow but I wasn't allowed to start a food fight before he went to the bathroom to cleanup. Apparently the whole lunch room was giggling at my clumsiness but I didn't really hear it until after Jason took off. Thinking about Jason made me hard and it was at that point that I realized that I hadn't masturbated since I was David and that seemed like ages ago. It was two weeks ago. I admit I'm surprised that I haven't cummed in two weeks, that must tell you how fucked up I am. The rest of the day went by at school without much incident and I honestly couldn't wait until I arrived at home. The first thing I did when I got home was lock the door and head up to my room. I pulled down my jeans and underwear a bit and started to massage my cock. I fantasized that I was making out with Jason and that he was rubbing my cock as I masturbated him in return. I came in about two minutes and just in time to hear my mother come in the door downstairs. I went into the bathroom and washed my hands before coming downstairs to tell her that Jason actually talked to me at school today and invited me to sit at their table tomorrow. This made my mother smile, I didn't have the heart to tell her that I spilled my remaining lunch on the poor boy bofore he invited me. If you like this story series so far, you may want to read my other fiction story series: Gay --> high school --> Music Store Teens Bi --> college --> College Firsts Any non-flamer feedback is welcome, email me at jaykool74@hotmail.com