Date: Thu, 2 Nov 2000 20:03:25 EST
From: Bwstories8@aol.com
Subject: A Place In My Heart - chapter 5

Legal Notice:
The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual acts.
The story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality.

Don't read this story if:
**You're not 18 or over,
**If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live,
**Or if you don't want to read about gay/bi people in love or having sex.

The author retains copyright to this story.  Placing this story on a
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permission is a violation of that copyright.  Legal action will be taken
against violators.

I wish to extend my thank you to Ed for his editorial assistance with this
chapter.

If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me
at http://members.tripod.de/wolfslair, in the 'Other Stories' section.

E-mail responses to the stories, story suggestions, or other 'constructive'
comments or advice may be sent to: bwstories8@aol.com.

                *    *     *     *     *     *     *     *

A Place in My Heart - by BW                   Copyright 2000 by billwstories
Chapter 5 - Irreconcilable Differences.       February 2000

Summer was now here and Jordan and I went back to work for his father.  We
didn't see Dad K around much at work but his foreman took good care of us.
They were building another house but it was different enough from the
Koontzs' house that it didn't rekindle any old memories.  I was back to
staying at my home during the week and only spending weekends with Jordan.
The boys were almost back to normal but their dad was still extremely
depressed and he had lost his old spark.  I figured that he just needed
more time to get over his grief as he had been with Mom K longer and they
had meant so much to each other.

Weekends were spent participating in our old activities.  We played ball
with our friends, we hung around the mall and the arcade, we took our dates
to the movies, and we went to basketball camp.  Speaking of camp, it was
held in July this year because some of the coaches had to juggle it around
other commitments.  At the end of July, my dad drove us there and we
registered.  The same guy was at the registration table, the one who had
been so good to us last year, and he must have remembered our situation
from then.  He assigned us to share a room, again, which was definitely
against policy.  They wanted you teamed up with a stranger so you could
broaden your social development as well as your basketball skills.  There
was no way Jordan or I would complain about this, though.

I had originally thought about not going to camp this year, as I decided
basketball wasn't my sport, but Jordan talked me into it, of course.  He
told me that I should come and try to develop my ball handling and outside
shooting skills and, who knows, we might even end up being the 1 and 2
guards this season.  The number one guard was the point guard, obviously
Jordan, and the number two guard was the off-guard or the shooting guard.
I doubted that I'd ever get that good but Jordan said he'd work with me,
too.  I figured, what the hell have I got to lose, except what it cost me
to attend the camp, and if it makes Jordan happy, so much the better.

The coaches worked me real hard and they spent a great deal of individual
time with me.  I was really happy and I did show considerable improvement
in these areas.  I got a lot of praise from the coaching staff for my
effort and a lot of smiles from Jordan as he, too, reveled in my success.
I might not be a starting guard but I think I can help the team more at
this position than I did at the forward spot last year.  On evenings when
nothing else was planned, Jordan would take me down to the gym to work with
me some more and we'd play on the same team for pick-up games when the
other gym rats would show up.  I guess he was paying me back for my bench
support during last season.

All too soon the camp came to a close.  In my final evaluation, the coach
told me that if I kept up the hard work, like at camp, I could become a
decent guard.  Now mind you, he said decent guard, not a great or
outstanding guard but, for me, that was good enough.  I didn't have to sit
in on Jordan's evaluation to know that he was most likely categorized in
the latter group, outstanding guard.  My dad picked us up on Sunday morning
and we went back to work on Monday.

A couple of weekends later, I was staying over with Jordan, as usual.  We
hadn't done much of anything sexual since I gave him my butt back before
his mother died.  He seemed cool with that and so was I.  We went to bed
that night, sleeping side by side as usual, and we started talking about
camp, work, school, friends, and a whole bunch of other things.  It was
getting late and I was getting tired so I told Jordan that I wanted to get
some sleep.  Before I knew it, he threw his arm across my chest, placed his
hands on the side of my face, turned my head toward him and he gave me a
long, passionate kiss.  I was shocked but I remained in control until I
felt his tongue trying to penetrate my clasped lips.  I jumped from his
grasp, got out of bed, and stared at him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I screamed.

"Calm down, Tony.  I was only trying to give you a little kiss."

"That wasn't a little kiss.  When the tongue gets involved, that's more
than a little kiss."

"But I love you, Tony, and I just want to show you how much."

"Hey, what have I told you about this love talk, Jordan?  I mean, I love
you like a brother but brothers don't kiss like you were trying to kiss me.
You aren't going queer on me, are you?"

Jordan looked down at the bed and didn't answer me right away.  He was
fiddling with the bedding and his head swayed almost imperceptibly from
side to side.  After the pause, he finally answered me.  "What if I was?  I
love you, Tony, and I just want to show you that."

"I told you before, I ain't doing none of that fag shit.  I ain't a goddamn
homo."

"But all those things we've done to and for each other, doesn't that." I
cut him off because I didn't want to hear where this was going.

"Look, bud.  I did those things for you as a friend not as a lover.  I told
you repeatedly that I wasn't gay, that those were probably the only times
that I would do that shit with you.  I told you, up front, that I wasn't
going to be any guy's boyfriend and I definitely haven't changed my mind.
I only did it to help you out and to try to pick your spirits up when you
were down.  I told you before, no one's ever going to call me a fag."

"I can't help myself, Tony.  I love you.  I've loved you for the longest
time.  I want to be with you, I want to be near you, and I want to show you
my love."

"Hey, man, I don't want to hear any more talk like this.  If you can't get
your shit together, then I'm out of here."

"You mean...you mean that...you'd leave me?"

"Damn straight I would.  Unless you get out of this queer mode that you're
in and quickly, then I'm out of here."

"But I love." I cut him off again.

"Look, dude.  It was fun while it lasted but we're not doing any more of
that stuff.  Is that clear?  I like you as a friend and you're just like a
brother but I want to leave it at that.  If you can accept that and see
that we're brothers and not lovers, then we're cool.  If you can't, then
I'm gone."

Jordan started to cry and he slumped down on the bed.  Tears were streaming
down his face and he had the saddest expression I've ever seen.  I mean,
I've seen Jordan sad before but never like this.  What the hell is going on
in his mind?  He's no queer.  Hell, we double date all of the time, with
girls that is, and I've seen him make out before.  He's not queer, so what
has come over him all of the sudden?

"I don't...Tony, I...well, I...don't know...if I can."  He leapt off the
bed and came over and tried to hug me again.

"Jordan, listen to me, bud.  You're not gay.  You know it and I know it.  I
don't understand why you're doing this.  What the hell is going on?"

"Tony, I.I." he was struggling to say something but he couldn't get the
words to come out.  He just kept looking at me, making these sad faces but
he couldn't say anything.

"What, Jordan?  What is it?  Just tell me and I'll try to understand and
help you but I can't if you're going to get all gushy and go faggy on me."

He struggled with it a while longer.  I wasn't sure if he was organizing
his thoughts or if he was trying to find the courage to speak but he
finally spat it out.  "Tony, I'm gay."  After he blurted this out, he
turned slightly away from me but he continued to speak.  "I am gay and I
love you.  Damn it, there I've said it.  That's the way that I feel and
there is nothing I can do to change it."

"Come on, man.  Quit pulling my leg.  You're not gay.  You go out and make
out with girls.  You're just trying to fool your old buddy here, aren't
you?"

"No, Tony, I'm not.  I've already fooled people by making them think that
I'm straight.  I'm gay.  I've known it since we were little and I've
finally accepted that fact.  I've known since fifth grade that I was
attracted to boys, mainly you, but I haven't been able to admit it to
anyone but myself until now.  Going out with those girls was just a cover
so nobody would guess the fact that I was gay.  Why do you think that I
talked you into doing all those things with me over the past few years?
Look, I knew that I was gay and I realized that was the only way that I
could talk you into having sex with me or for us make love to each other."

"What?" my mouth dropped open and I fumbled with my thoughts.  "I
thought... well...I thought it was just for practice for our girl friends.
I didn't know you felt like that.  If I did, it would never have happened."

Jordan was looking at the floor as he responded to me.  "I know.  That's
why I told you all those things so you would do it with me.  All I really
wanted was to make love to you."

"Are you fucking out of your mind?  You're telling me that you got me to do
all of that fag shit with you so you could...you know...fuck me?"

He was still looking at the floor.  "Yes," he answered meekly.

"You sick bastard.  You sick fucking bastard.  Get the fuck away from me
and don't ever come near me again.  I'm getting my things together and I'm
leaving.  I don't ever want you to try to speak to me or try to get near me
again!  Do you understand that?"

"But Tony, I love you."  I held up my hand in front of his face letting him
know that I didn't want him to say any more.  When I lowered my arm, he
spoke again.  "But what about sports?"

"Maybe I won't fucking play any fucking sports.  If I do, we are to stay
clear of each other.  I'll talk to you just enough to play the game but you
are stay away from me at all other times, especially in the showers.  I'm
not your fucking friend any more and I'm definitely not your fag lover."

"But, Tony."

"No more fucking buts...of any kind.  I'm gone, dude, so keep the fuck away
from me."

I was out the door and I could hear Jordan calling to me from behind.  I
ignored him.  Did he really think that I would go for that shit?  I told
him all along that I wasn't queer.  Why would he even think that I would go
along with it?  He is one sick mother-fucker.

I went home that afternoon and I didn't go back to his house again.  I
avoided him at work and I asked the foreman to please work us on different
jobs.  He looked very confused, knowing how close we had been, but he said
that if that's what I wanted, then that's what he would do.  My parents
kept asking me what was wrong but I couldn't tell them either.  How the
hell could I let anyone know that I let Jordan talk me into doing all that
faggy shit with him?  God, I'd die if anyone ever found out!

School started again in the fall and, this time, I was thankful that we
didn't have any of the same classes.  The only common period we had was
lunch.  I would always sit on the other side of the cafeteria from him but
I would catch him trying to look at me from time to time.  God, he looked
so sad and pathetic.  I have to admit that I did miss him terribly.  He was
my friend and I felt so bad for him.  I wanted to make him feel better but
I'm not going to become a fag for him or do any of that queer shit.
Football was even tougher.  The coach wanted Jordan and me to be the
captains but I refused.  I told him I had too many other responsibilities
to take on that role.  I told him that I needed the extra time to keep up
with my studies.  He said that he understood and he honored my request.

During calisthenics, I would line up on the other side of the group, the
side away from Jordan.  Being the captain, he was always out in front so it
wasn't hard to avoid him.  After practices, I would hold back and let
everyone else use the locker room first and Jordan was usually gone by the
time that I entered.  One day he waited for me and he tried to talk to me
but I told him to just go away and leave me alone.  I left him standing
there, pleading with me, as I went to the showers.  When I came back from
cleaning up, the place was totally empty except for Jordan.  He was sitting
in the far corner of the locker room, crying his eyes out, occasionally
glancing up at me to see if I had a change of heart.  I couldn't help but
feel for him.  How could I not hurt, as close as we had been, but I
couldn't encourage his fantasies either, could I?  If he wanted to be
friends, then he just had to give up this homo phase that he was going
through.

After one of our games, Justin cornered me and wanted to talk.

"Tony.  Where have you been hiding?"

"Oh, around."

"Why don't you come over any more?  You and Jordy had a fight, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"What about?"

"That's just between your brother and me."

"You know he's really hurting.  He spends almost all of his time alone in
his room and a lot of times I can hear him crying in there."

"I'm truly sorry about that, Justin, but there's nothing I can do about it.
Maybe some day we can patch things up, but not right now."

"You mean it was that bad that you can't forgive him?"

"Not yet.  Maybe in the future."

"But I miss you, too, and Dad's been asking where you've been."

"I'm really sorry about that.  You know, Justin, you can come down and stay
with me at my house any time you want.  Please, tell your dad that I said
hi and maybe we can get together some time too."

"Tony, you know I couldn't come down to stay with you and leave Jordan
alone, especially the way he's acting now.  As much as I'd love to see you
and hang out with you, I couldn't hurt Jordy like that.  What happened with
you two?  When Mom died, well, we wouldn't have survived without you.  You
were so strong and I remember all of those nights that you held us and made
us feel loved.  Even Dad couldn't do that for us because he was hurting so
much himself.  What could Jordan have possibly done that would make you
hate him so much and turn your back on all of us?  Damn, you're like my
brother and I want to spend time with both of my brothers, not one at a
time."

"Justin, I'm not turning my back on all of you, it's...well...it's just
that I can't talk about it or deal with it right now.  This is hard on me
too.  Maybe some day I will be able to make things better but not now.
Look, little bro, you can still count on me if you need anything but, for
now, Jordan and I have to stay apart until we work this out.  We're all
still family and that won't change."

"But how can you work things out if you two aren't seeing or speaking to
each other?"

"We just have to work things out in our minds first.  Don't worry about it,
Justin, and I'll see you around.  I love you, little brother."  What did I
just say?  Did I tell Justin I loved him?  Well, I guess I do...as a
brother but I've got to cut that out or I'm going to start sounding like
Jordan.

Football season ended and we finished up at 6-2.  Jordan's heart was never
into the season and, if our team hadn't been so much stronger and better
than some of the other teams, we could have done even worse.  During lunch
hour, I noticed that this other kid, I think his name is Brian Bowers,
started to sit with Jordan.  I had heard rumors, as far back as 7th grade,
that he was gay, so I guess maybe Jordan has found himself a new boyfriend.
Maybe this will perk him up and he can stop sulking after me.

Basketball season started and, believe it or not, I actually made the team.
Jordan was, now, a little over 6' tall but I was still 5' 11".  I went out
for the team, thinking that I would be cut so I wouldn't have to deal with
this.  The coach, however, had been impressed with my improvements and I
was the back-up number two guard.  Actually, I was proud that I had done as
well as I did and I was pleased that my hard work had paid off.  In fact,
the coach told me that, if I kept improving, I could even get to be the
starting number two guard.  I never would have believed that a year ago.

It was a lot harder to avoid Jordan during basketball than it had been
during football.  You know, with a lot fewer players, I couldn't put the
bodies between us.  He seems to have accepted our split and he hasn't
approached me since the locker room incident in football but I could tell
that he still was hurting.  His heart wasn't into basketball, either, and
there was a chance that he could lose his starting position.  I really felt
bad, seeing him like this, but I just couldn't see any way that I could
make him feel better without making him think that I was changing my mind
and leading him on.  There was no other way to do it.  I just had to stay
away.  It was the only way that I could deal with his homosexuality and his
feelings for me.

I started dating this real cute girl during basketball season, though.  Her
name is Amber Jones.  She's about 5'5", blond hair (cut short), blue eyes,
and a perfect smile.  She's got beautiful, smooth, golden tan skin, and a
real nice body with nice firm tits.  She's real funny and has a great
personality.  We've got a couple of classes together, including lunch, so I
get to see her quite often during school.  She's also a female jock.  She
plays on the girls' soccer, volleyball, and tennis teams.  Hey, those
aren't my sports but maybe we can find a common sport where we can get some
exercise, if you get my drift.  Hehehe.

We were heading toward the holidays and I knew that we'd all be facing some
tough times ahead.  I don't remember spending a holiday without being with
Jordan's family and I knew that they hadn't spent one without me, either.
I was already dreading the long holiday break, even more so since I found
out that Amber was going to be gone for the whole time.  Her family had
recently moved here from another state and her father had taken his
vacation time so they could fly back and spend the entire holiday period
with their relatives.  They were leaving the day before Christmas and
wouldn't be back until late New Year's Day.  This could turn out to be a
very sad and a very lonely Christmas.

I'd still be with my parents but, because of their work schedules, we'd
probably only have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and then New Year's Eve
and New Year's Day to celebrate and to be together.  That would leave all
those in between times for me to be alone.  Damn, I'm getting depressed
already and the holiday isn't even here.  I guess I'll have to talk to some
of my other friends, at school, to see what they've got planned and see if
I might be able to work my way into some of their activities.

Oh, God.  There's Jordan, sitting at a cafeteria table with Brian, but he's
staring at me.  Why can't he just give up and leave me alone?

                 *    *     *     *     *     *     *     *

If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at
http://members.tripod.de/wolfslair, in the 'Other Stories' section.
E-mails may be sent to: bwstories8@aol.com.