Date: Tue, 7 Nov 2000 06:52:27 EST From: Bwstories8@aol.com Subject: A Place In My Heart - chapter 6 Legal Notice: The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual acts. The story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality. Don't read this story if: **You're not 18 or over, **If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live, **Or if you don't want to read about gay/bi people in love or having sex. The author retains copyright to this story. Placing this story on a website or reproducing this story for distribution without the author's permission is a violation of that copyright. Legal action will be taken against violators. I wish to extend my thank you to Ed for his editorial assistance with this chapter. If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at http://members.tripod.de/wolfslair, in the 'Other Stories' section. E-mail responses to the stories, story suggestions, or other 'constructive' comments or advice may be sent to: bwstories8@aol.com. * * * * * * * * A Place in My Heart - by BW Copyright 2000 by billwstories Chapter 6 - Never the Twain shall meet. February 2000 I was right. Christmas was a real bummer. I've never been so depressed or felt so alone as I did during the week between Christmas and New Year's. I never thought I'd hear myself say this but I was glad the holiday was over and that school was starting again. The first weekend after Christmas break, I took Amber to the school dance. We were able to slip away for a while and we got to make out pretty heavy. Of course, we started out with some passionate kissing and the old tongue tango got real serious. While we were kissing, I slipped my hand under her sweater and I was able to feel her tits without her complaining. She didn't wear a bra that night, which I can only guess that she did on purpose, so it was all bare skin under my explorative touch. Well, I guess that my feeling her up gave her courage level a boost and the next thing I knew she was stroking my hard cock through my jeans. Man, I almost shot my load right there. Even though we were both enjoying ourselves, all good things must come to an end and we knew that we had to get back to the dance before we were missed. I left that session hoping that we could even go a step further on our next date. Hehehe. We went back to the dance and they were playing a slow song. I grabbed her in my arms and I just held her as closely as I could. When that song ended, they played a faster song and we stayed on the dance floor. I watched her every move and I began to realize that she looked like Jordan had when he was in 7th grade. Her coloring, her smile, her attitude, and her personality were just like his. Wait, why the hell am I thinking about him? Am I really comparing my girl friend with my former best friend? Was it possible that I started dating Amber because she was a female copy of Jordan? Did I do that subconsciously or was it just a coincidence? What would that mean if I did do it subconsciously? Would that mean that I really wanted to be with Jordan or did it mean that I missed him so much that I was trying to replace him? My mind was reeling from all of these thoughts so I decided that it was time to move on to another topic. I had to force myself to start thinking about something else before I totally lost it. The dance ended but I couldn't walk her home. Her dad picked her up in front of the school and he took her directly home with him. Oh, well. I walked to my house and all I could think about was how much she really did look like Jordan. Hell, she could have passed for his twin sister. Man, this is getting really strange. Why do I keep thinking about him? Why can't I get him out of my mind? A couple of weeks later, after a basketball practice, I heard some interesting news. It seems that word was out that Brian Bowers was definitely gay. I guess he was taking one of his books out of his backpack in class when a magazine fell from it and landed on the floor. It turned out that it was a gay magazine filled with all kinds of pictures of naked guys. I guess everybody that sat near him saw it and, before he could stuff it back into his backpack, everyone in the room knew that he had it. They said he turned a glowing red the rest of the period and he tried to shrink in his seat as everyone stared at him or talked about what had happened. From what I can tell, almost everyone in the school knows about this now, so Jordan had better become aloof and stay away from Brian or they're going to find out about him, too. I'd never say anything about him, myself, because I know how miserable some of those pricks can be if they think someone is gay. I'd never be the one to cause Jordan to go through that kind of pain or humiliation. Well, basketball season finally ended. We finished 10-4 but I never did get the starting guard job. I did play a lot more during the final games of the season, though, so I guess that I was improving. In fact, my outside shooting is getting better all of the time. It's just that I have to work on my ball handling some more. Jordan didn't lose his starting spot, either, but his playing time did get reduced considerably. In the past, he had played nearly every minute of every game. By the end of the season, he was getting a healthy breather in the middle of both halves. I'm not sure if it bothered him because most of the time he acted as if he didn't even want to be there. That definitely wasn't like Jordan. He had always been so aggressive that everything we did turned into a competition, from who could get ready for bed first to who woke up earliest the morning. He had always been so competitive in everything that he did that it was hard for me to see him lose that edge. Things started getting worse for Brian, as well. Some of the upper classmen decided it was their duty to torture the 'little fag boy'. When he was in the hall they'd smash him into other people or into the lockers. In the cafeteria, they would trip him or knock his tray out of his hands. I was disgusted, watching them, and I even wanted to help him but I knew that they'd turn on me and think I was a fag or something. Even if the kid was gay, he didn't deserve to be treated like that. I noticed he and Jordan weren't sitting together at lunch any more and eventually I didn't see Brian at lunchtime at all. I guess he decided that it would be safer to go home for lunch or to eat out. I can't blame him, though, but that just encouraged the assholes to be even more merciless to him in the hallways. If it got any worse, he was going to need an armed escort just to get to and from class. I even heard that one of those creeps beat him up one day after school, claiming that Brian tried to hit on him and wouldn't take no for an answer. Hardly anyone believed that story and most people thought it was just an excuse to beat up the queer. There were a growing number of people who were becoming disgusted with these upper-classmen but nobody seemed to have the balls to stand up to them. For Brian's sake, I hoped that someone would, and soon. Things were progressing very nicely for Amber and me, as well, though there were some problems. We had to learn to deal with the fact that her parents were very strict and they didn't give us a lot of time to do things alone. We tried to neutralize this fact by helping them to know us better. I had even gone over to her house to meet her folks and I had taken her home to meet mine. My mother just loved her and told me that she was very cute and that she was happy that I had found such a nice young girl. My father gave me the sign that he approved and I noticed him watching her a lot. In fact, I think that if my father had been my age he would have tried to cut in on my action. Wouldn't that have been weird? Anyway, Amber told me that she was spending the next weekend staying over with one of her girl friends, Nicole. It seemed that Nicole's parents were going out of town for the weekend but Amber didn't tell her folks that fact. Nicole was inviting her boyfriend over and Amber wanted me to come over too. That would leave both couples all alone in Nicole's house to do whatever we wanted. It was a definite date for Saturday. Every time I looked at Amber, I still couldn't get it out of my mind how mmuch she looked like Jordan. Maybe that is what first attracted me to her. I really can't remember. I was sort of missing my best friend and, possibly, I was using her to fill the void. I really like her, though, and I'm hoping that I'm going to get laid for the first time on Saturday. I mean, that time with Jordan doesn't count - no way, no how. That Friday in school, one of the juniors did stand up to one of those senior bullies when he was shoving Brian around. As I suspected, the senior ended up beating the junior to a pulp, calling him a faggot lover, butt fucker, and a few other choice names as he was doing so. I'll give the junior an A for guts but he failed when it came to smarts. The senior did get suspended from school for that stunt and there was a chance that he might even be expelled for the fight. No matter what the school board did to him, that still left the rest of the group and they would probably be even tougher on Brian, trying to exact revenge for their friend's misfortune. Saturday night rolled around and I headed to Nicole's house for my date. Man, I was horny just thinking about it. The night started slowly but I didn't let my hopes wane. We started by sitting around eating pizza and drinking sodas before Nicole put this 'chick flick' in the VCR. Neither her boy friend nor I were interested in the movie though the girls thought it was the greatest. We sat through the entire thing and then both couples started to make out. Finally! It wasn't long before Nicole and her boyfriend disappeared, I think they went to her bedroom, and Amber and I sneaked down to their basement recreation room for some privacy. Besides, we thought we might get in a little workout of sorts (hehehe). The light switch was on a dimmer, so we put it on very low. We started to make out and our hands were all over each other. We were kissing hard and my tongue was doing a dance across the inside of her mouth. I was letting my oral muscle explore all those areas that had been opened up to me and Amber was trying to do the same thing. During this time, I started to lift her sweater up and over her head and we broke our kiss only long enough to get it off. I resumed kissing her all around the face before I began nibbling on her ear lobes and the soft underside of her neck. Gradually, I worked my way down to her upper chest and toward her pert breasts. I had a hell of a time undoing her bra and, after an heroic struggle, I got it off and dove for her nipple. I flicked my tongue out at it, as I had done with Jordan in the past, and I started to suck on it like a nursing infant. There I go again. Right in the middle of making out with Amber, I think about Jordan again. When I shouldn't have anything but my girl friend and the pleasures we're enjoying on my mind, wham - there's Jordan. Thoughts of him just keep popping up at the strangest moments but how am I going to get him out of my mind, once and for all? I'll have to think this out later but, for now, it's time for me to get back to work. After I had finished licking and sucking on both of her tits, she removed my shirt as well. Her hands roamed freely over both my chest and my back and we rubbed our bare flesh against each other. I got bold and reached down and unsnapped her jeans and let my hand slide down under the waistband and into her panties. My middle finger slid lower, worked its way thru her pubes, and was gliding up and down over the lips of her pussy. Gradually, I let that finger work its way into her tunnel, desperately playing with her clit before I began to finger-fuck her. This seemed to embolden her and she reached over and unfastened my jeans as well. She let her hand reach down past the elastic top of my boxers, grasped my iron rod that was already leaking with pre-cum and she began to stroke it up and down. We did this for another minute or so and then we stood up and discarded the remainder of our clothing. We lowered our bodies back down to the floor and then I swung myself into a 69 position with her. I didn't hesitate at all and I began licking my way up her thighs, heading for her snatch. It took her a few seconds to catch on to what I was doing and, slowly, she figured it out and started to lick my dick. I kept going and, when I reached her cunt, I let my tongue lick up and down the length of her slit. I continued that for a while before I let my tongue dart in and out of her slippery hole, getting my first taste of her juices. She was very wet and her pussy juices were kind of bitter, definitely not as sweet as Jordan's pre-cum or cum. Damn, there I go again, thinking about Jordan. What the hell am I doing? I went back to work on her snatch, sucking on her clit, and she started to mouth my dick. Suddenly I had to stop what I was doing, pull up, and give her a quick lesson on cock sucking. I guess, not having one herself, she had no idea of how to give good head. After the lesson, she continued to suck on my prick but she just couldn't get the hang of it or do it as well as Jordan could do it for me. Shit, there's that name again. I couldn't take it any longer so I pulled out of her mouth and swung around to get ready to mount her. I reached into my pants pocket and pulled out a condom, broke the foil pouch and slid it over my member. I was now ready to pass through the 'Pearly Gates'. I lined my cock up with the opening to her cunt and I slowly started to enter. My penis slipped in fairly easy and, before long, I had all 7.75" of my dick inside her cunt. She moaned a little as I entered her, but now she would feel all the pleasure I could give her with my throbbing prick. I started a nice gentle rhythm in and out of her fairly slippery tunnel and I was soon panting and pumping harder and harder. It felt great, sliding back and forth in her but the walls of her vagina didn't caress my prick as tightly as the walls of Jordan's rectum had. Uggggggggh, I was thinking of Jordan again. Before long, I felt that burning sensation in my groin and I knew that I was getting ready to shoot my load. I stroked faster and faster, sliding the whole length of my shaft in and out of her canal until I finally exploded, sending several strong waves of semen into the tip of the rubber. We humped for a little while longer and then I rolled off of her and lay beside her on the floor. We were both panting deeply and I rolled over, kissed her on the cheek and I thanked her. I lay there beside of her, studying her face, when I realized she had the same type of nose as Jordan. Aaaahhhhhhh, I've done it again. Here I should be enjoying my first female fuck and I keep thinking about Jordan. What in hell is wrong with me? What we just did was fun, it was exciting, and it was good but not quite as good as fucking Jordan's ass. Oh, my God, what did I just do? I admitted that fucking Jordan's ass was better than doing Amber. What the hell is wrong with me? I got my thoughts back together, we got dressed, and we went back up to wait for Nicole and her boyfriend in the living room. We kissed some more and she told me how much she enjoyed what we had just done and she told me how good I was. About 15 minutes later, the other pair strolled back into the room and they blushed, thinking that we knew what they had been doing. Seeing we were in the same place that they had left us, they weren't sure if we had done the jungle dance ourselves. Oh, well. What they don't know won't hurt them. Eventually, the two of us guys left but I walked home alone. All the way home I thought about what had happened and I, unconsciously, kept comparing it to what I had done with Jordan. Damn, I've got to get over this or I'm going to drive myself crazy or turn as queer as he is. That night I slept soundly but memories and pictures of Jordan kept invading my dreams. Monday, we went back to school and there was a lot of whispering going on. I started to ask around about what was up, when I heard the news. Brian Bowers had committed suicide. My God! I couldn't believe it. I guess he couldn't take all of that abuse any more and he decided that this was the only way to check out of the Homophobic Hotel. Why couldn't I have had the guts to stand up to those assholes and protect that poor kid? He wasn't such a bad guy. It was just that he was gay. If he had been straight, he probably would have been a popular kid and had a lot of friends. How could I...how could we, the whole damn school, let a handful of bullying gay bashers torture this kid so long and so unmercifully that he thought the only way out was to end his own life? I was no longer feeling remorse over Brian's death, now I was angry. I was angry with all of us who had let this continue and I was angrier still with those morons who had harassed that poor kid. I was hoping, no, praying, that those merciless assholes get punished for this and that it's the most severe punishment possible. After about an hour, I found out from someone else exactly what had happened. From what she told me, Saturday night Brian's parents went out to dinner and he stayed home alone. They asked him to join them but he declined, saying he had other things that he wanted to do. From what the police could tell, he went and got one of his father's shotguns, loaded it, took it out in the garage, put the barrel in his mouth, and pulled the trigger. When his parents came home from their dinner, his mother got out in front and went into the house. His father opened the garage door, started to pull the car in, and that's when he saw his son's lifeless body in the glow of the headlights. It must have been awful for his parents to have to find him like that. Hell, it would have been awful to find him dead, no matter how it had happened. I'll bet they're blaming themselves for going out and leaving him alone. I know that they're feeling bad but, if he was set on killing himself though, there was nothing they could have done to stop it. If he hadn't done it then, he would have just found another way or another time. Suddenly, I thought about Jordan. Shit! I wonder how he's handling the news. They had been friends. They had been close. Fuck! Had I treated Jordan any better than those gay bashing assholes had treated Brian? Sure, I didn't beat him up or torture him, but I didn't hurt him any less. The pain I caused Jordan wasn't physical, like with Brian, it was worse. I caused him the kind of pain that couldn't be seen and was harder to treat. I emotionally abused him since that night he told me that he loved me and that he was gay. Now, I was a man on a mission. I was looking all over the school for him when an announcement came over the PA system, stating that all students were to go to the auditorium for an assembly. Shit! I have to find Jordan first. I have to see how he is and I need to apologize to him for the way I've treated him. I need to let him know how I feel about him and let him know that we're still friends. I have to let him know that things aren't so bad that he would have to consider the way out that Brian took. I needed desperately to find him but I guess that I'll just have to look for him in the assembly and talk to him later. I went into the auditorium and sat with a couple of guys I knew. The principal entered, walked up to the podium, and he began to speak. "Students, if I may please have your attention. I imagine that many of you have already heard the news about Brian Bowers. It was a very tragic situation and I'm sure there are many who are coping with deep emotional issues concerning this. Because of what has happened, there will be counselors available in the guidance office to talk to any students who want to discuss their feelings about Brian's death or to just talk about the entire situation in general. Some students have recently approached me and informed me about the way Brian had been treated the past few weeks. I wish someone had come to me sooner about this but I promise that there will be a full investigation into this matter. Any students who have been involved with unlawful or harassing behavior will be dealt with severely. We are cooperating with the local and state police on this matter. "I am always saddened by the tragic loss of any of the members of our educational community but it is even more sad when the loss is due to self-inflicted wounds, especially those which have been generated as a result of abuse or neglect. I wish to extend my condolences to Brian's entire family and to his friends. The family has asked me to announce that there will be calling hours tonight from 7 - 9 P.M., closed casket of course, and the funeral will be held at St. Michael's tomorrow at 10:00. I just ask that any students wishing to attend the funeral clear it with my office some time today. "Before I dismiss you to return to your homerooms, I have a student who asked me to allow him to speak with you. I wouldn't usually consider this but, after a lengthy discussion with this individual, I've decided to make an exception to my rule. I think you all should hear what he has to say because he had a great impact on me with his message. I'm now turning the podium over to him so that he can make his remarks about this sad situation." I could tell that the entire student body was doing the same thing that I was, trying to figure out who would speak out for Brian Bowers. Maybe it was that junior who tried to protect him or maybe he actually had another friend. We watched the side of the stage for the person to enter and I nearly fainted when I saw that it was Jordan. Man, what is he doing? Is he trying to commit suicide, too? Hasn't he heard of death by bigot? I wanted to run up there and pull him off the stage, to protect his future, but it was too late. There was nothing I could do now. "I think you all know who I am," he began. "What I don't believe you know is what I am." My heart nearly stopped as he said those words. "I am, or I was, a friend of Brian Bowers. Not a good friend, mind you, because I didn't have the guts to defend him or stand by him when he needed me most. I was a cowardly friend who stood on the sidelines and watched as a group of animals singled him out and then attacked him for the kill. I watched them slowly torture him, stripping from him every shred of self-worth and every ounce of decency that he harbored within his sweet, gentle soul. Brian was a very kind, very loving individual who had only one fault, one minor trait that many of you felt was beyond forgiveness. It was a trait that made him a marked man. Brian Bowers was gay. "Most of you never really knew him. You wouldn't let yourselves know him because it was rumored that he was gay and you were afraid of the connotation that term held. He was a decent and loving human being, a kinder soul you'd never find. He would do anything to help a person in need and he wouldn't harm a flea. Some of you out there, and you know who you are, couldn't find it in your hearts to accept his differences and treat him as a young man, nothing more. Some others went even further and they felt that they had to punish him for being different. They were the self-proclaimed, self-righteous defenders of morality that thought being gay was worse than being a thief or even a murderer. They, themselves, became the thieves and murderers when they robbed him of his humanity before they killed his sweet, loving soul. Oh, they may not have pulled the trigger of the gun that ended his life but they killed him just the same. I hope the law and the courts can properly deal with these bullies but, just in case the system fails, there is a higher authority they will have to answer to one day. You may be able to fool the law or other people about your role in his death but you won't be able to fool God. He knows what thoughts blackened your hearts and consumed your souls. He knows the real reasons and motivations for your actions. If I were you, I'd be shaking in my shoes, knowing that I'm going to face an eternity in hell because of my intolerance. "Unfortunately, I may not be any less guilty. Brian and I became friends at the beginning of January. I got to know him, I got to love him and I got to understand what he was going through." There was an audible gasp throughout the auditorium when Jordan said that he got to love him. "When the situation got bad and he was feeling hurt and alone, I abandoned him because I was afraid to face what I was. I stopped hanging around him and talking to him because I didn't want the abuse to spread over to me. When he needed a friend the most, someone who could understand him and empathize with him, I was anything but a friend. He called me earlier that Saturday and asked me if I would come over and just talk with him but I brushed him off by telling him that I was too busy and that I didn't have the time. I'm sure that he knew that it wasn't because I was too busy or that I had other plans, he knew that I was afraid to take a stand and that I had turned my back him. I was afraid to announce to the world that I, too, am gay." There was another loud gasp and then the room started buzzing. I knew what was going through everyone's minds at that minute because it was also going through mine. Even though I knew that Jordan was gay, it didn't stop me from following the same train of thought. After a fairly lengthy pause, Jordan started speaking again and everyone finally quieted down. "I know some of you may find it hard to accept the fact that I'm gay. I'm not a wimpy little nerd, like you tried to classify Brian as. I'm an athlete, a very good athlete, and I've dated lots of girls. Well, I want to apologize to those girls because I misled them and I used them to cover my true feelings. I dated all of those girls to keep the rest of you from learning about my secret. However, after this, I can't keep my secret any longer. I can't let you destroy some other person because he's different and doesn't fit your mold. I don't care whether it's their sexual preference, their race, their religion, their looks, their weight, or anything else. Someone has to stand up and stop the intolerance before there's no one left but the bigots. If I had stood up a week ago and made this stand, poor Brian might be alive today. If any of you bastards out there, the ones who drove Brian to commit that act, want a piece of me, well, you know where to find me. Be advised, however, that I'll fight back and I'm not going to let you destroy me like you did him. If you want a piece of me, you better be prepared to be bloodied yourselves. "I just want to finish this by saying that I'm sorry, Brian. I'm sorry for letting you down. I'm sorry for letting myself down, and I'm sorry for letting our school down. I hope that some day we will meet again and you will find it in your heart to forgive me." As Jordan left the stage and went out the side door into the corridor, the principal announced that we were dismissed and we were to go back to our homerooms. I couldn't. I had to go find Jordan. I fought through a sea of humanity, fighting my way toward the exit through which I had seen him leave. I finally reached that exit and, as I moved through the doorway, there was Jordan leaning against the wall, his eyes closed. There were tears still running down his face, cascading from his chin and forming small pools on the tile floor. I walked up beside him, put my arm around his shoulders, and spoke. "Do you think we could talk?" * * * * * * * * If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at http://members.tripod.de/wolfslair, in the 'Other Stories' section. E-mails may be sent to: bwstories8@aol.com.