It kind of freaked me out, that Cody was being so emotional about my wantng to go for a walk without him. My dad had said some pretty nasty things, and I just needed to work some stuff out on my own.

I ended up walking with Riley to the big beach, which was actually on the ocean, and walked along in the surf for a while. Once we were there he didn't say anything about leaving, like he said he had earlier; he didn't say anything at all. I found that I didn't really mind him being there. We walked along the beach for a while, then went out on a little point and threw rocks at the buoy not too far from it.

"What happened with your parents?" I asked finally. Victor had said that they were real assholes.

Riley was silent for a moment. I added quickly, "If you don't wanna tell me —"

"No, that's fine," he interrupted. "It's just...well.

"I fell in love with Vic the weekend after Thanksgiving last year. At the time, he had a girlfriend. He told me, very reluctantly and with a lot of prompting, that he had been making out with her the day before. He said that when he was, he had his eyes closed, and he wasn't seeing her. He said eventually that he was imagining he was making out with me.

"I was a little weirded out at first, of course. He said he had to go and, well, I let him. But I thought about it for a long time, and then walked to his house and into his room, didn't say a word, and kissed him.

"So, for a while, we were not only best friends like we had been since third grade, but now we were boyfriends too. We did everythign we always had, plus made out." Riley paused for a minute and looked out at the ocean. He picked up another rock, but didn't throw it, just kind of played with it in his hand.

"So, on New Ear's Eve, he slept over my house. My parents and my sister were at parties, different ones. We...well, before then we had only made out and jacked each other off." That surprised me. Cody and I hadn't been able to wait ten minutes after our first kiss before our first blowjob.

"So we had some champagne that my dad had left for us, you know, kinda on the D-L. He was a pretty cool guy before he flipped. But we we had that a long time before midnight. Neither of us had very much, you know, just a glass or two each. And then we..." Riley was clearly getting a little uncomfortable talking about sex stuff, so I gave him a little time. "We sixty-nined, and with some effort we managed to get it so that we both came within a couple seconds of midnight. I cummed in two thousand four, he did in two thousand five." He was smiling now, and still flipping the rock around in his hand.

"Well, we were pretty, well, you know, caught up in everything, that night, and maybe just a little bit drunk. We had more champagne after, and that was the first time either of us had really had alcohol. So we ended up falling asleep, naked, arms around each other, in the living room." He took a deep breath. "When my parents walked in at four a.m. and saw that, needless to say, they were not so pleased. My dad started screaming at as soon as he saw us — well, I guess, I wasn't awake. But we woke up, and he was screamng curses and things, and then he ran downstairs. My mom was screaming. I was trying to figure out why he had gone downstairs, we were both just kind of standing there groggily, and then I realized — there was the big wood-chopping axe in the basement.

"So me and Victor got the fuck out of there. That must have been quite a sight — two naked fourteen year olds running through a quiet New hampshire suburb at four in the morning. We ran into somebody's backyard and hid there until we saw my dad's car go by. That sucked bigtime. This was January first, and we were naked, in the middle of the night, in New Hampshire. So my friend Ron lived not too far from where we were, and he was still up and downstairs, luckily. His parents weren't of course. So we told him what happened, and he seemed kind of surprised that we were gay and all but was totally cool with it. So he gave us some clothes and let us warm up, but we couldn'treally stay there. So we went to Vic's house. Ron leant us his cell and some cash, just in case, and found us some shoes that fit okay so we could at least get there.

"We thought that Victor's parents wouldn't be as crazy as mine, and we were really afraid of mine, so we told them what was going on. They weren't okay at all with us being gay, but at least didn't try to kill us.

"So what eventually happened was that they called the cops, and they kept an eye on my dad, made sure he didn't kill anyone. We holed up at Victor's for a few days, and the one time my dad tried to do anything the cops were there, and so he just kinda left. But Victor's parents said that they weren't able to live with us. They wouldn't let either of us get hurt, but they couldn't accept that they were gay, and they made a big deal about us being bad for Sara and Matt, Victor's brother and sister. So Victor's dad talked to Paul, who's his brother, and they agreed to take us in temporarily. After a month, though, they decided they liked us enough to keep us," he smiled, "and now they're working out the adoption legalities for me. Victor's probably not going to get adopted, though. He says he hates his parents, but he really loves them and especially Sara and Matt, and my parents are happy to disown me but his want to keep him." He paused, then said, "It's kinda good, because having sex with your brother would just be weird."

I laughed, then continued looking at the ocean. Sounded like Riley's parents really sucked. But so did mine. My dad had said quite a few nasty things on the phone tonight, and my mom had been none too supportive either.

We walked back after a little while. When we got there, Victor said that Cody had freaked and went and cried down by the beach. He had tried to calm him down, but Cody wouldn't let him, and Victor had no idea why he was so upset. He had gone to bed, apparently, and Victor thought that he had heard him crying in there too.

That really surprised me. The only possible reason would be because I wanted to go for that walk without him. But that didn't make any sense at all. It's not like I was abandoning him. The whole reason we were going through all this shit with our parents — and from what I heard, his parents, at least his dad, sounded fine, downright accepting compared to mine or Riley's — was so that we could be together.

I talked about that with Riley and Victor quickly, and we decided that the best thing to be done was just to go to bed with him. So I did, even though it was just ten fifteen. When I got in there, he looked really distraught — the pillow had tear stains on it, and he just looked aggravated sleeping there — but I kissed him on the forehead, and he woke up and seemed happy to see me. We spooned, which I enjoyed but he loved, and then he fell asleep right away.

It took me longer. I just laid there and thought about everything that was going on for a while, mostly about what Riley had told me. They had waited more than a month to have sex. I wondered if we were rushing into things, if we were going along too fast. I hoped not. I loved this beautiful boy, and didn't want to lose him for anything, even if he was overreacting ridiculously to things that meant nothing.

* * *

And so the month of July went. We had run away early in the month; by the start of the second week, the legal wheels began spinning for Michelle and Paul to be our legal guardians. Our parents both arrived at that decision reluctantly — Cody's dad and my mom reluctant because they loved their respective sons and didn't want to lose them, Cody's mom reluctant because of her religion and because she was convinced that what Cody was doing was inherently evil, and my dad reluctant because he couldn't bear that his son, his only son, was gay, and felt the need to beat the gay out of me.

We spent the summer doing normal stuff: at the beach or on the water a huge amount of the time, in the kayaks, the Whaler, or the sailboat. Paul taught Riley and me how to run the latter, and after we got our boating licenses and had done a lot of shorter trips, the four of us went out on a two week trip to Long Island to visit my and Riley's Uncle John, more about the trip than the visit. We all got to know each other a lot better on that trip, especilly me and Cody. Unlike Victor and Riley had been, we were still getting to know each other not only sexually but as people.

On that front, Cody asked me to have anal sex with him while were on the sail. I refused, although I would have loved to, on the grounds that I was afraid he would get hurt. I offered to let him do it to me, but he didn't want to do that if it wasn't going to be reciprocated. We decided to wait until Cody got significantly older before doing that. In the meantime, blowjobs and buttcrack sex were still quite satisfying.

Sex was kind of awkward on the sail though, too. We spent two nights on the boat each way, becase we were in no hurry and hugged the shore, because we weren't quite confident enough as navigators to venture out too far. It wasn't that big a boat, and so there was very little privacy — the one bed wasn't even closed off from the rest of the boat. Because both couples wanted to have sex a lot, we invariably ran into some awkward situations.

* * *

It was our first evening on the sail. We had just had dinner — Victor, who it turns out is quite a competent cook, made all our meals — and Riley and Victor were on watch until two or so in the morning. Victor was manning the GPS and charts and such things, while Riley steered, made sure the sails were alright, that kind of thing. It was just too nice a night, so Cody and I were planning to sleep on the deck.

We weren't quite ready for that yet, though, so were sitting on the bench. I was looking up at the stars; Cody had his head in my lap, and was doing the same. Riley, standing at the wheel, took off his shirt and tossed it down the hatch to the cabin. "The breeze is nice," he explained. I followed suit; he was right, it was nice. Cody gave into peer pressure and did the same.

After a little while of enjoying the night, Cody rolled over and nuzzled his nose into my crotch. I was wearing athletic shorts, so I even felt the warmth as he exhaled. He rubbed my ballsack with his nose, and breathed out onto the whole package. I was quickly rock-hard, and now Cody was flicking my dick around with his nose.

I giggled, then realized Riley was standing right there. When he saw me look over, he looked away quickly, then pretended to notice that I was looking at him. I let his deception slide, and he magnanimously gave a gesture to go on. "No locks to click here," he said, "so you can't follow the rule anyway."

It was a little awkward, but, well, we were a lot closer now than we had been when he originally laid out the rule. And, more importantly, I was horny.

Having the go-ahead from Riley, I put a hand onto Cody's sweet little ass and rubbed. The other hand went, of course, to his hair. He continued with the flicking for a bit, then hooked his nose under the waistband. I lifted my hips up a little so that he could get my shorts out from under me. Then Cody resumed the breathing, the rubbing, and the flicking, this time with only the tiny cloth layer of my boxers separating us.

After just a few seconds of that, Cody took the big step and grabbed my boxers with his teeth, pulling them off. Then he started licking, first my balls and then the base of my shaft.

So there I was, sitting on a bench, naked, my twelve-year-old boyfriend licking and about to suck me, on the bench of a sailboat, with Riley (I stole a glance at him ot of the corner of my eye) blatantly watching us.

I had actually never been naked in front of Riley or Victor, and for that matter had never seen them naked. Boxers or towel, all the time; just naked, never, until now.

But there was no turning back now. Cody popped my dick into his mouth and slowly started working his way up and down. He had gotten better at getting more of it into his throat recenly, which he cared about a lot. He was getting in until my head was starting down his throat, back off slowly, get to the point where he could lick the very tip of the head of my dick, then start back down. Eventually he was getting most of it in there, probably three-quarters or so. Then he just started sucking, bobbing his head up and down on me quickly, really fast. He was getting a lot of speed too, a hell of a lot more than I had. Cody was serious about getting better at this. And damn, did I appreciate it.

It wasn't much time at all before I came into his mouth, several good spurts' worth. A little bit dribbled out, but he got most of it.

Now, this was a first: Cody sat up and kissed me, my cum still in his mouth. It tasted weird, different from the little bit that Cody made, but it was a cool sensation to French with it. He ended up swallowing it all, though.

We broke off the kiss, and then I kissed him on the neck, pushing into him until he ended up lying down on the bench and me on top of him. I nibbled on his earlobe and then his nipples, licked my way down his abs fairly quickly, mate a brief pit stop at the belly button, and then I pulled off his shorts and his boxers (like mine, they were athletic shorts, so I didn't have to worry about buttons or a zipper) together. But then, before I could make my way bac up to his crotch, he spun me around so that he was on top. Then he rotated himself around and lined his waist up with my mouth.

This was the reason that Cody was improving so much in the art of blowjobs and I wasn't: Cody had discovered that he liked it more if, rather than me sucking him, he just thrusted himself in and out. He wasn't big enough to get beyond the very entrance to my throat, so he had full reign to thrust as much as he could. I didn't really mind, so he usually did this.

After a little bith of thrusting, Cody shot a little bit of sperm straight down my throat, moaning as he did so. Cody was big on the moans. Then he crawled around and snuggled up in my arms.

Riley was watching us, and I could see that Victor had come up and was looking at us too.

"Sorry, guys," I said.

"Oh, don't worry about it," Riley said. "I think that now this has officially become a nude cruise, unless there are any objections."

Nobody said anything. I watched as Riley undid the his shorts. He teasingly swayed his hips around as he took them off, and then he was standing there in his boxers.

"You too, Vic," he reproached, and Victor stood up and took off his shirt and, after a second's hesitation, his shorts. Then he walked over and pulled down Riley's boxers. Riley had a fair amount of pubic hair, not as much as I did — though mine's kinda hard to see, being blond — but a whole lot more than Cody. He was hard at the moment; though I wasn't exactly examining, my guess would be five inches or so. Though it didn't look like his dick was much shorter than mine, his balls were pretty substantially smaller. But he was definitely bigger than I had been at his age. I think.

Now, I have to admit that I was somewhat turned on by the sight of Riley standing there, naked and hard. Clothed, Riley was cute; naked, he was sexy. He didn't seem to have any fat on him, and was pretty muscular in his abs and thereabouts.

Riley turned his back to us and bent over at the waist to take off Victor's boxers, which were pretty significantly tented while he was still wearing them. He stuck his ass out at us, which I have to say I didn't like as much as the frontside of him. Cody's ass was much nicer.

Riley stepped around and next to his boyfriend, who had, surprisingly, pubic hair that was just a stubble, a lot like Cody's, actually. But his balls were massive for his age and his dick about as long as his boyfriend's. I didn't understand how that could be until Victor said, "Riley likes the stubble, so I shave it."

Partly because I meant what I said and partly because I was a little bit troubled by looking that way at someone other than Cody, I said, "Okay, well, I hate to break up this party but I really don't want the boat to crash. Me and Cody need to sleep so we can do watch later."

"Party pooper," Riley said. Cody and I moved our spooning, still naked, inside a light sleeping bag (summer though it was, it still was getting chilly) on the deck. I fell asleep pretty quickly.

* * *

It became a game with us for the rest of the trip; whenever one couple got onto night watch, the other would have sex right there in front of them. Victor and Riley usually sixty-nined after their foreplay; I wondered what that was like. I was too much taller than Cody to do it. Well, I was pretty much done growiing, and Cody had yet to really hit his growth spurt, so we'd see.

We all enjoyed watching each other have sex, but at least I was still totally devoted to Cody. I liked it, because they were sexy and watching them suck each other off turned me on, but I never would have done anything sexual with either of them. I was faithful, and I hoped that everyone else was too.

The nudity rule was fun, though, but once we got close to the island there were too many random boats about, especially lobstermen. We kept shorts on during the day. From after that first night until we hit land, though, nary a shirt was worn.

The visit was fun. John and Anne had a three-year-old son, Alex, who was a blast. It was funny how sweet he was: one time, when "locking" me in a closet, he first said "Goodbye, Nick. I give you a hug and a kiss," and did. We stayed for a few days. It was kinda weird that they were "Uncle John" and "Aunt Anne" to both me and Riley, even though we had absolutely no common blood.

We sailed back, and the return trip, like the trip there, was full of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Okay, well there were no drugs, and most of the rock and roll was actually hip hop, but that's okay.

Other than that trip, we didn't really do anything remarkable. We got to meet the kids around, though mostly it was fourteen year olds; we wouldn't meet the kids our own respective ages until the start of school, since Riley and Victor were, understandably, not really friends with any of them. We hung out at the beach, we kiyaked, we played soccer and Frisbee and basketball, we watched TV and played video games.

We returned from the sail during the first week of August. On Thursday, August eleventh, everything changed.

* * *

I woke up with the morning sun beating into my face. It was really bright today, for some reason. I yawned and cleared my eyes.

Cody wasn't next to me, which was a little bit unusual. Usually I woke up first. Had I slept in? No, the clock over the bed said ten to eight. This was practically the middle of the night, at least as far as teenagers on summer break went. Well, tennagers and one tween, or whatever twelve year olds were called, though Cody had had a hell of a lot more life experience than most suburban kids five years older than he was.

Well, fuck it. I was awake. I pulled on a clean pair of boxers — Cody and I had had a little fun last night that nececessitaed my removal of the ones I had been wearing — and stepped out onto the porch. It was the start of a beautiful day, just enough cooler than the oppressive heat that we had had for the last week to be pleasant. Or maybe that was just because the sun had only been up for two hours or so. Whatever. It was still nice. Maybe I would go for a swim.

Yeah, that was a good idea. The pond was still, the various boats floating silently around. I watched a bird flap along the water from one mooring to another. A cormorant, probably.

I glanced at the door leading to Victor and Riley's room. The curtains were open; they usually were, since the sail, as we really didn't have any sense of modesty between us anymore. Riley and Victor were lying naked on top of the covers, Victor's arms around his smaller lover. They always looked so happy together.

I wondered idly why Cody was up so early. Well, probably the same reason as me.

I decided that a swim would be good. I wanted to just go float in the water. I went back into the room, changed into my bathing suit. I was just going down the hill, so I didn't bother with a shirt or anything. On my way downstairs, I glanced into the computer room and the bathroom — Cody wasn't in either.

I decided that I wanted a drink before I went, so I headed to the kitchen. The curtains down here were all still closed, including the ones in front of the big glass door, which meant for sure that Paul wasn't up — he always, always read the paper sitting at the table by the light from outside. Michelle couldn't have been up, either, because I could see that the TV was on but showing black. Apparently we had forgot to shut the TV off after last night's Halo; that didn't surprise me, since apparently both of the couples had gone up to have sex when they were done playing and so we must have had other, more pressing things on our minds. Not a chance in hell that would she have left that on. This was weird. I had never been up before both of them before.

I got my cranberry juice and stood looking out the window. This was a window not onto the pond but onto the street. There was Mrs. Basmiren, the old lady who lived a couple houses down, walking her dog, an annoyingly small and yappy poodle.

I took a sip of my juice again, and something caught my eye: a piece of paper folded on the refrigerator, held by a Pap Gino's magnet. Probably Cody had gone for a walk or something and left a note so that nosy people like me wouldn't worry.

I walked over and saw that written on the outside was "For Nick and Nick only." Why would he write that if he were just going for a walk?


I'm ashamed to say that I wasn't able to bring myself to talk to you about this. Hell, I'm more ashamed that I'm not even saying it, I'm writing it. I tried a couple times, to tell you, including last night, but I just couldn't. But, well, here goes the coward's way out. And that's what it is: a way out.

I really like it here. I really do. I like the Cape, I like the house, I like Paul and Michelle, Riley and Victor. Most of all I like you.

But we rushed into this, Nick. What had we done before we ran away from everything we had ever known for each other? We had hung out, not even as friends but as a brother's friend (or a friend's brother), some. We had had a wrestling match, and we had had sex. Then we played some video games lying naked on each other. Then we didn't see each other for a couple days, then we had sex again, and then we ran away to your mom's brother's wife's brother's son's boyfriend's dad's brother's house. Kind of a sudden and drastic move to a rather tenuous connection, don't you think?

I just don't think that this is for me, Nick. I don't think you're for me. I think you're a cool person and I really enjoy being with you, both in the hanging-out sense and in the more physical sense, but I really don't think that's love. The sail proved it to me — I was just as attracted to Riley and Victor, when they were naked and especially when they were having sex, as I was to you. I think that my love for my family, misguided as they might be in some ways, and for all of my regular friends and everyone and everything I grew up with, am still growing up with, ends up as more important to me than my love, if that's what it is, for you. I'm sorry, Nick. I wish I could be with you, but I guess you can't have your cake and eat it too.

I'm really, really sorry. I've talked to my family and they want me back as much as I want to be back. By the time you read this, I'm probably on the train, or even there — home — already. I realize that you probably don't have that option, because of your parents, and that I'm pretty much fucking you over totally. I'm sorry.

I took most of the clothes with me, since I figured that nobody else could wear them anyway. I took one of the suitcases from the closet, too. I'll figure out some way to pay Paul and Michelle back for everything they spent on me.

I'm being really selfish here, I know. I was foolish and I rushed into something and now I'm backing out and running back to mommy and daddy, and in the process I'm fucking you over. Basically, I'm being childish. Because that's what I am, Nick. I'm still pretty much a little kid. My voice is still cracking. I'm five foot even and weigh ninety pounds. I make a couple drops of cum when everyone else makes cups of the stuff. I'm not saying you were exploiting me or anything like that, but, well, I honestly think I I wasn't really capable of making the decision I made. When my dad said all the "you're only twelve"s that pissed me off so much, he was right.

I'm really, really sorry. I hope you don't hate me.

- Cody

Somewhere during the third paragraph, I was vaguely aware that the glass slipped out of my hand, and was conscious in a distracted way of its shattering loudly. But I just gripped the letter with both hands and read on.

When I was done, I stared at the paper in my hands. It was tear-stained, and I knew that only some of them were mine.

The paper slipped from my hands and flew away. I let it go. Somehow, I ended up following it to the ground. I felt a lot of pricks along my butt and my heels, but those pains were nothing compared to the gaping maw that was my chest.

He was gone.

I buried my face into my knees and let the tears, which had until now been coming intermittently, flow.