Date: Tue, 25 Jan 2022 01:52:15 +0000 From: "Shywolf55@outlook.com" Subject: Realizations, Gay, Young Friends Realizations In the course of conversation with other gay men, the topic of "When did you realize you were gay?" often comes up. This has always been a difficult topic for me to talk about because I can't tell that story until I tell a preceding story to give context. That story goes like this: When I was 7, I experimented with another boy. I don't count this as my first time having sex, nor as the answer to my initial question, as I later understood that he was manipulating me into having sex with him. Basically, I was being molested rather than having a consensual encounter with someone. This other boy was my neighbor, he was about 14, and we played the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" game, at first. This game eventually escalated into touching and fondling and grinding. He would grind on me until he came. I didn't know what semen was at that point and thought it was gross and told him not to make that "white stuff". I was young and very innocent. A lot more happened between the two of us but suffice to say I eventually realized I was being taken advantage of and I told my parents and they got the police involved and he moved away. That was the backstory, here's the answer to my initial question: Fast forward to when I was 13 and spending my summer at a BSA camp. It was my first time being in a camp environment and I was really nervous because I didn't feel like I fit in with the other guys. They were all into sports and I liked to read. One night our troop leader told us we all had to take a group shower because we all stank. I had never had to shower in a locker room so this would be my first time being naked in front of other guys and I was terrified. I was trying to tell another boy in my troop that I felt I should be exempt from having to shower because of what happened to me when I was 7. I said to him "When I was young, another guy made me have sex with him." To his credit, this other boy was very sympathetic and responded "You poor kid" but I only half heard his response. This was my first time vocalizing my past trauma to another person and I came to a realization. `He might have made me have sex with him' I thought, `but I liked it'. It was like lightning struck my brain. All my life I had thought I was straight and that I would someday marry a woman and now my whole world view changed. I liked guys. I now had something that I knew about myself that, due to the particular time period that this story takes place in and the not-so-progressive part of the country I lived in, I had to keep a secret. So that night the troop all took a shower together. The shower house consisted of a hallway flanked by shower stalls. Each stall had a partition on either side but there was no door or curtain on the entrance to the stall so you had a clear view of the guy across from you. I heard the other boys laugh and joke with each other as they undressed and claimed a stall without hesitation. I dragged my feet. I waited for a moment when I didn't think anyone was looking and claimed a stall nearest the entrance and stripped. The boys continued to laugh and mess around with each other but every time they laughed, it felt like they were laughing at me. It should be noted that, besides my neighbor, I had never seen someone else naked before. All that is to say I had no idea how my own body compared to others. All I knew was that I was skinny, shorter than most, uncut, and pube-less. I also had no context for how the size and shape of my penis compared to others, but I was not about to find out. So I spent the whole shower experience staring at my feet and keeping my back turned to the other boys. I showered and dressed as quickly as I could and waited outside the shower house for everyone else to finish. The next night, something interesting happened. Some of my fellow scouts decided to play truth-or-dare and for some reason, they picked my tent to play it in. It might have been my tent mate who initiated the game but, at any rate, this military style tent that was only big enough to hold 2 cots and the occupant's gear now had 8 12-14 year olds crammed in it. The first few rounds were typical, everyone picked truth and no one was brave enough to pick dare. The truths were mostly about sex. One guy in particular, let's call him Chase, was asked directly if he had ever had sex before. He said yes and gave a long winded story about how he ran away from home once and hooked up with a girl that gave him a BJ in the woods. It was pretty obvious that he was making up the story but no one had any evidence to prove him wrong. At one point, someone asked a truth to everyone. He asked everyone who had started puberty to raise their hands. At least half the guys, including Chace, put their hands up. Me, not wanting to be singled out, lied and put my hand up too. Eventually, the guys started picking dares. Some were dared to flash their dick but they backed out. Chace, however, agreed. After he did so, he quickly said that he wouldn't show everyone but would flash his dick to just one guy. My tent mate, the one who had dared him, did ennie-meenie-miney-mo to decide who would get an eye full and, to my surprise, landed on me. It was all I could do to contain my excitement. Chace and I stepped out of the tent into the dark woods. He and I were both nervous and looking to see if there were any adults that could see us. From inside the tent I heard lots of catcalls from the other boys and a few of them peeking out the tent flaps. Chace told them not to peek and I warned Chase not to be too loud. I thought I saw our troop leader and ducked back in the tent, Chace quickly following me. The other guys asked if I saw his dick and I told them no, neither of us wanted to get caught. I don't know why but Chace became emboldened and decided to flash his dick in front of everyone. He told everyone in the tent he was going to do it and then just pulled the waistband of his shorts down and shook his hips making his dick helicopter around in front of all of us. The other boys whooped and laughed at Chace's display but I was struck by something. Chace's dick looked almost exactly like mine. He was circumcised, that was the main difference, but the size, shape and lack of any pubes was almost identical. Another thing that amazed me was that no one was teasing him for either the size or lack of pubes and no one called him out on him saying he had started puberty earlier. I would like to say that since Chace broke the "showing the penis" ice that the other boys joined in but no such luck. He did a few more dares that involved flashing his dick, the one that I would advise against anyone else doing is spraying bug spray on his cock head (it burns and makes you have to pee), but nothing else memorable. It is somewhat worth mentioning that my tent mate, who was one of the older boys in the tent and on the husky side, also dared to flash his dick but he refused because he said "it was too big". We all rolled our eyes at this flimsy excuse and stopped pressuring him. By this point it was time for lights out and everyone went to their respective tents to go to sleep. The next day, I decided I would try something daring. I waited for the free period of the day when almost everyone went down to the lake to go swimming and approached Chace. I asked him if he wanted to play truth-or-dare again but this time, just the two of us. He said yes and I could tell he was excited. We waited for our campsite to clear out and went to my tent. He immediately picked dare and I dared him to flash his dick again. He did so without complaint and let me stare at it for a bit. I, then, picked dare and he dared me to turn my back to him, face the tent wall, and whip my own dick out. I thought this sounded odd but I played along to show him I was willing. Sure enough, I saw him peeking over my shoulder trying to get a peek. I teased him for this but I didn't try to conceal my junk from his view. Chace just chuckled and I tucked myself back in my shorts. The next few dares all involved taking our dicks out and doing something innocuous. Lay on your back with your dick out, take your dick out and pretend you are having sex, take your dick out and hump the cot, ect. As we progressed, Chace started saying double-dare. In game terms this meant that no matter what I dared him to do, he couldn't back out of it. I, however, was too naive and sexually unaware to take advantage of this. This is one of my great regrets in life. I strongly suspect that Chace and I could have had a completely innocent and healthy sexual encounter with one another, or at least as much as two prepubescent teens could have sex, and I missed out on that chance. I could have dared him to suck my dick and if he had dared me to reciprocate, I would have. We could have explored each other's bodies, discovered our respective sexualities, or even possibly, have started a romantic relationship. Alas, camp ended a day later and the two of us didn't get a chance to interact any more. He ended up dropping out of the troop not long after and I never saw him in person again. The last time I saw him was a year or two later. He popped up on a local TV commercial stating that he had no parental guardians and was seeking a foster home. I had considered asking my mom if we could take him in but I knew things were already stretched thin, financially speaking. To this day I don't know what happened to him. I don't even remember his real name. Wherever he ended up I hope he knows how much our game of truth-or-dare helped me discover my own sexuality.