RICHARD

This is a vignette, not a full-blown story ... just a brief snapshot
of an early memory. It's all true--not very hot, but true...something
to whet your perverted appetites for the good ones that follow!

Seems to me that a lot of growing up consists of figuring out what it
is that one likes and going with that--a process shucking off others'
pictures and assumptions about what one "should" be and replacing
them with one's own reality. I took what was (from hindsight) the
first step in that direction when I was about eleven years old.

Richard was a star: one of those kids that everybody looked up to and
wanted to be around--not one of the Joe Clean types, either: a bit of
a cut-up and a bit of a rowdy. He was about thirteen; he had
dishwater blond hair; he was a few inches taller than my five foot
frame. He and his sister Carol lived next door to us in Oakland.
Jeesus, I loved that dude! It wasn't just that he was hot-looking;
after all I had yet to realize what those Feelings I had always felt
toward other guys really meant. It was rather that he was everything
I wanted to be: mostly, liked and admired.

I remember the afternoon he asked me to "TRIPLE-X." This was in 1955
or so and there were no such things as X-rated films. I didn't know
what it was or where he got the notion to call it that--but if he
wanted to do it with ME I was game! He asked if we could go somewhere
private; I said sure, I knew a place; and we went there. It was a
toilet that opened off a storefront and an alley. The door into the
storefront had been unused for many years; I had access to the alley
because I cleaned it up from time to time.

He sat down on the unused commode--the only place to sit--pulled out
a forbidden cigarette and lit it, looking at me all the time. I had
no idea of what we were doing in this place and I asked him what
"TRIPLE-X" was. He smiled at me and grabbed his crotch. I began to
get uptight at this ... he noticed it and said, "I wanna show you
something," and hauled out his erect cock.

I was entranced. I had seen other boys' cocks a few times; there were
a couple of older kids in the neighborhood--Richard's friends, which
is how I guess he got the word about me--who had showed me their
dicks on occasion. I don't recall if I asked them to do that, but
they had ... but never fully hard! I think this was the first time I
had ever seen a fully hard cock.

I told him I had never seen a cock looking like that before. He was
uncut and began to peel the skin back and let it slide forward, back
and forth, back and forth. I was excited and confused and afraid and
nothing in the world would have made me leave.

I asked him what he was doing and he said he was "TRIPLE-X"ing. I
asked him why and he told me that he got a thrill from it, that I
should try it, that when I got older I would feel as good about it as
he did and that I would "jizz." I asked him what that was and he told
me to wait and watch, and began working on himself in earnest. Within
a few seconds, it seemed, he came.

That happened about two or three times more. He would smoke a
cigarette and jack off, and I would watch. I got to the point where I
could take my own hard little dick out of my pants and begin to play
with it and get a bit of the "thrill" he was talking about, but
nothing else happened. And, it was usually Richard who wanted to
"TRIPLE-X," not me, although I was getting as much out of the
experience in my way as he was in his. There was still something
"wrong" about what we were doing that made me uptight, although I
never refused him, not once.

The fourth or fifth time was different.

He was sitting on the commode working on himself, and I was on my
knees on the floor with my face about two or three feet from his,
watching intently. He noticed how into the whole scene I was and said
something like, "You like to look at dicks, don't you? You liked to
look at Mark's and Larry's and you like to look at mine, too."

I'm dammed if I know why I said what I said next: I just said it:

"I like to suck on dicks too."

"Then do it!" he said ... and I did.

There's not much more to tell, really...and the rest is a downer
anyhow: being the asshole, guilt-ridden little nerd I was, I told my
mother about this scene almost immediately, and that was the end of
that. (A later repetition of that same stupid act--lemme tell ya,
Dudes, I KNOW how to be a bottom!--ended me up in the Youth Authority
for nine months...that's another story that's even more of a downer
than as this one.) Richard was killed a couple of years later
joyriding in a stolen car. I never ate his cum nor did I ever really
learn to suck him ... nonetheless, that was my first taste of another
man, and I will remember it and him fondly for the rest of my life.

                              THE END