The story is being written by several authors, each writing a different chapter. It is copyright 1999 by "Its Only Me from Across the Sea" [Chris and Nigel and other stories], and by "Comicality" [New Kid in School and other stories]. If you copy the story, please leave the credits, and the web addresses of http://www.iomfats.org, http://www.studflower.com/comicality present, and also the email addresses of firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com. We'd all love to receive feedback.
This chapter was written by Comicality
As I slept that evening, I replayed the events of our afternoon together over and over again. Remembering every detail, every smile, every touch. I thought about how utterly difficult it was to say goodbye to my darling Robin once the sun had set. He stood up and I wasn't exactly sure what to do with myself. It felt like I would lose him if he walked out of that door. It was a fear of waking up out of that dream world. That world where everything was perfect and anything was possible. I stood next to him at my bedroom door, trying to get one last look at those shy green eyes as they dropped back down to the floor. We didn't dare move, we were too afraid to speak, and just mumbled one nervous 'goodbye' after another for a few minutes. Then, I broke down and kissed him delicately on his cheek. He smiled at me, and kissed me on my cheek to return the favour. Then he happily took off to make his way home. I watched him out of my window for as long as I could see him, and then fell back on my bed in a breathless heap. I was so enchanted that I thought I would burst.
I KNOW it was just a kiss! But you just don't understand, it was a kiss from him. Listen, it doesn't always take a wank or a roll in the hay to make a person feel in love. It does for you? Well then you still haven't found someone special enough then. You will, and then you'll be able to see what I mean. It's a feeling that just encompasses every piece of you. And it makes the whole world look that much brighter for having him in it. It was amazing.
So, I tossed and turned in my sleep all night...what? NO! Not 'tossed'! Tossed and turned! It's an expression! Can you get your mind out of the gutter for a minute and listen. Alright then. Anyway, every time I thought I was going to be able to go to sleep, I would think of Robin again, and this wave of pleasure swept over me. It was an exciting sensation of warmth that tickled my insides and forced me to smile. I would get all worked up again and I would roll back over on to my back and stay awake for a little bit longer. I have never had anyone make me feel that way before. I couldn't wait to see him again.
The next morning I ran out of the house at top speed and made it to school in record time. I couldn't wait, I was panting in anticipation. We filed into the auditorium for our daily robotic ritual, and I felt a tap on the shoulder that woke me up immediately. I spun around hoping to have Robin's beautiful green eyes staring back at me, but instead I looked to see Amy's smile. Not that I wasn't happy to see her, it's just a bit of a disappointment in comparison to the end all be all love of my life.
"Oh...Amy, it's you." I said.
"Well don't be TOO excited, you'll wet yourself." She said. Amy was a bold young girl at 14. She had shoulder length red hair and light brown eyes, not to mention a wit that would flatten you if you weren't paying close enough attention. She was a very pretty girl, but hardly a primadonna. In fact, she often scoffed at the other girls who felt they needed to act cutesy and overdo the whole 'feminine' bit just to get attention. She's what you would call a 'real' person. And she was never afraid to speak her mind at all. "Pay attention! I'm talking to you." Exactly my point.
"I'm sorry, I've got a lot on my mind today."
"You've got a lot on your FACE today too." She said.
"Yeah, you're grinning from ear to ear like a ventriloquist dummy. What's come over you?" It's funny, I didn't even realise that I was smiling. I tried to consciously will it to go away. But thinking of NOT smiling made me think of me smiling in the first place, which made me think of why, which made me think of the day before, which made me think of Robin, which made me think of kissing and holding him, which made my mind go totally blank again. And as soon as that happened, the smile would return, bigger and brighter than before. That's when Amy hit me in the arm with her bag. "Quit it!"
"Ow...alright already. What's got you in such a foul mood today?" I asked.
"I'm not in a foul mood. Well...okay, I'm in a foul mood. But never you mind that, I've just got a lot of finals to study for and homework to make up. It's crushing me this week."
"It's your fault for getting behind." And before I could even finish saying it, she hit me with her bag again.
"OW!" Just then, Robin walked up and said hello.
"Hey Joey." He almost sounded like he was whispering. Not really sure whether or not I was going to be the boy he kissed yesterday, or the boy who was going to laugh in his face today. I was going to do no such thing, I guarantee it.
"Hi Robin." And there was nothing else to be said. We just stared at each other, his eyes as green as a sun drenched summer plain, and I was captured once again. When he saw the love in my eyes, his smile matched my own, and we shared the moment together.
"AHEM!" Amy said. "Is there a new drug on the market that I don't know about or something? If I didn't know you better, Joey, I'd say you were giddy."
What? Of COURSE Amy doesn't know that I like boys. If I told her, she'd turn around and spread it all over the school so fast I wouldn't know what hit me. She'd become a total activist about the whole thing. Besides, I didn't even know myself just yet. I was trying to figure things out too.
"Amy, I believe you know Robin." I introduced them to get her mind off of the subject before her meddling detective work got me into trouble.
"We met briefly the other day at assembly." Robin said. Wow...his voice was sooo beautiful. So incredibly tantalising and with just a touch of a teenage rasp. "So you and Joey know each other, eh?"
"For quite some time now." I replied.
"TOO long if you ask me. Listen, you two can gawk and giggle all you want. I'm going to take this opportunity to do some studying so I can at least EARN the "F" I'm destined to get. Later." And Amy took off into the crowd, where she disappeared rather quickly.
Robin and I stood there for a few moments, fumbling for a word or two to start some kind of conversation. But I couldn't meet his eyes without smiling and almost snickering happily to myself. Something about him just made me so incredibly happy that it overflowed from every pore. We couldn't say much of anything, but we didn't have to speak to feel comfortable. When we weren't speaking with our minds, we were speaking with our souls, our hearts. It was a language that went much deeper than anything manmade ever could.
We walked into the assembly together and enjoyed just being next to one another. To my boyfriend.
Afterwards, I didn't want to let him out of my sight, not even for a minute. But we had to go our separate ways eventually in order to make it to class. But I let him know that I was going to be thinking about him. And we parted ways.
Another interruption? What now? I told you, nobody knows about me! How many times do I have to say that? Well, Robin doesn't count. I know it seems kind of obvious to YOU, because I'm telling you the whole story. But to most kids in the hallway, Robin and I just looked like good friends. I didn't know what I was feeling, but it was controlling me more than I was controlling it. It forced me to react the way that I did when he was near me. You'd understand if you'd just sit back and listen already.
When history class rolled around, I waited outside for Robin to show. As though walking through the door without him would be some form of blasphemy. And he started to smile as soon as our eyes met from down the hall. Then we greeted each other and walked in together, trying to keep our grins down to a minimum.
I really hated the idea that we sat at two different ends of the room. I wanted to be able to look at him, stare even, throughout the entire period. To exchange glances and know that he was there. I was sitting way up in the front, so tempted to just turn around and start watching him. Even if it meant seeing the faces of all the other kids staring back at me. Knowing that he was behind me, and not being able to see him, to touch him, it was an unbelievable torture. That was possibly the longest history class ever created.
And after that was over, I found myself having to lose him once again, for another long period of time. Sigh...what was wrong with me? I was able to live just fine without him before. What has changed since then? I didn't know if this was ever going to go away, or get any easier. It just remained an exciting rush of energy every time I thought about him. And it made me nervous. What if it doesn't stop? What if the only way to satisfy it is to actually spend every waking moment in his arms, and every sleeping moment by his side? What if it gets WORSE? People could go mad from this kind of need.
I made it all the way to swim practice, trying hard to keep the jitters in my stomach to a minimum, and nothing was working at all. Not even the sight of a group of other boys in nothing but a pair of swimming trunks. They used to occasionally have an effect on me, give me a cheap thrill or two as I watched their slim bodies dive into the water. But not anymore. In the course of a day, they had ceased to become the cute pieces of eye candy that I was used to, and transformed into 'just another boy'. This was serious. With Robin, it wasn't just the outer shell, there was an inner beauty that kept me in a trance non stop. Take away the lithe teenage frame, the golden blond hair, the shining green eyes, and what you have left is still more beautiful than all of the other boys put together. Sigh...I'm going to need therapy soon.
"Nice one Jack! We're going to hear nothing but good things from you, I can tell." I heard our coach say. And I looked over to see him cheering Robin's little brother on as he swiftly did is best to show out for the team. He really was quite good. I can see why he was so popular back home. The coach told him to take a rest, and the kid was evidently pushing himself too hard, because he was completely out of breath and fatigued beyond belief.
I walked over to hand him a towel. "You're pretty good."
"Huff...huff...thanks, eh? I hear you're pretty good too." He said. His voice sounded like a younger, higher pitched version of his brother's. However, it also sounded as thought it would be even deeper than Robin's when it changed all the way. You could just tell.
"Hardly." He stood up and shook my hand. Happy as a little soldier, his thirteen year old pecs almost completely flat against his ribs, and his smooth stomach, while showing no definition at all, was definitely a tight one. His arms and legs were still forming shapes and curves, but for now they were smooth straight lines. He was a beautiful boy in every possible way. He's going to be one heck of a lady's man someday.
"You ready Jack?" Robin had sneaked in while I wasn't looking, and when I saw him, the smile returned again. "Hey Joey."
"Hey." Somehow, we never really got past that part. There was a moment in silence, and that's when I noticed Jack looking at us. Robin suddenly snapped out of it, and told Jack to get dressed.
But Jack looked back and forth between us, and he knew something was going on. He HAD to know. He looked at me suspiciously, his eyes studying me carefully. "Jack! Come on now, go already." Robin snapped. I think he knew what his brother was thinking too, and was trying to stop him by breaking his concentration.
"Robin...I...I don't want to leave again. I like it here." Jack whispered timidly.
"What are you talking about? We're not going anywhere."
"Jack! Go get dressed and let's go! Now!" He wasn't really yelling at his brother, but he was clearly annoyed. Jack seemed to pout a bit, but listened to Robin's commands and turned around to go back to the locker room. He looked over his shoulder before going in, and then disappeared. "Hehehe, little brothers." Robin giggled nervously.
"Don't worry, I have a kid sister myself. But she's only 9. So she doesn't give me too much trouble. Not yet anyway."
"He's...he's just a bit off today. Don't mind him, eh?" But despite Robin's attempt to make this whole situation seem normal, I knew deep down that it wasn't. Suddenly the idea of causing Robin any grief was beyond terrible. I mean, he basically had to leave his home because of what happened last time. What if he had to leave again...because of me? What if our secret got out? If the others found out that we had been kissing each other, we'd be hanged and gutted for all to see. Robin and I would be the laughing stocks of the school. A joke to be told at parties, a rumour to be whispered in libraries and hallways, a string of gossip to be traded back and forth between parents in town. Was it worth it?
Could I look into his eyes and deny that it most definitely was?
Jack hurried back quickly, still pulling his shirt on, and stood between us. He obviously didn't want us talking for too long, and made every attempt to quiet his brother and get him to leave. "C'mon Robin, let's go."
"Jack, don't be rude. I'll be there in a tic, I swear."
"I really need to get home. Come on." Jack would occasionally look over his shoulder at me, and I knew that like me or not, he didn't want me there. I don't believe it was out of dislike or anything. I just think he was protecting himself, and his brother, from making the same mistake twice. Robin fussed back and forth with his sibling, but after seeing the youngster's determination, I decided to co-operate a little.
"That's ok Robin. Honestly. I've got some stuff to do anyway. We'll talk another time."
"Er...ok. I suppose." He seemed a little confused at first, but I think he understood my reasoning behind it. "Tomorrow then?"
"Sounds good. See you later." I said. I was going to walk away, but Robin gave me a hug before he left. Although I was still a bit wet from doing my swim laps, I hugged him back. I probably left wet marks on his shirt, but it felt so good to be in his arms. It was a joyous, almost nervous, feeling. One that satisfied me completely, and yet made me so thirsty for more. A strange combination indeed. He looked into my eyes as he backed away from me. And so did Jack.
As I travelled home that day, I had a long discussion with myself. I just wanted to know how I felt about this whole thing. How I should feel. It wasn't easy, balancing between what I wanted more than anything, and what I was willing to sacrifice to get it. I couldn't even imagine the pain I would feel if I ruined this whole situation for Robin. And Jack, poor Jack. Last time he was just an innocent, trapped in a predicament of his brother's making. How awful that he had to be removed from his friends and family too, all because of his brother. I didn't want that. I didn't want to put him in danger of even having to worry about that. However...at the same time, how was I going to manage without him. I could still taste his sweet lips against mine. I could still use my imagination to wrap myself in the aftershocks of his loving embrace. I thought about him every moment of the day. How was I going to suddenly quit cold turkey. After only one day, I had become addicted to the soft memories of him in my life. Trying to hold back what I felt was going to be hard if not impossible.
What now? You interrupted me to ask me that? It IS credible to fall in love that way! Listen...to hell with what everybody says about 'love at first sight' being bull. I'm SO sick of hearing that garbage! 'Oh...love doesn't happen that fast.' they'll tell you. 'Oh...nothing is ever that beautiful or that easy.' they'll say. You know what I say to those people? I say stick to your OWN experiences and let me live through mine. I know what's in my heart, and love does not work on a waiting period. I swear, you get 50 separate incidents together, and as long as 26 of them go a certain way, more than half, the 'majority' is quick to SMASH every other experience and cry out about how it's a fake. Well let them spit flames my way. I know what I feel and it is stronger than their opinions could ever be. Maybe I hit that one in a million jackpot, maybe they can too if they stop being so negative about it. You included. What? Well I WILL tell you what happened next if you'll pay attention. You're the one who interrupted in the first place.
I got home and finished up some homework. It was nice to have the house to myself for a while. But as soon as I got a chance to relax, the phone rang. I picked it up, and it was Robin...whispering on the other end. "Hey Joey."
Something about hearing his voice just made me feel so light-headed. I felt this sensation crawl all over my chest and expand until it completely bathed me in it's light. "Hi! I didn't expect you to call. How are you?"
"Um...kinda bored actually. Nothing to do around here." I could hear a little shakiness in his voice. It was so cute.
"No...not...not really. So...what are you doing?"
"Nothing really. I just finished my homework. So I guess I'm going to be bored in a few minutes too." I said. His voice gave him away, and I knew he was nervous. I pictured him sitting next to me, and even in my dreams, I couldn't keep from kissing him. And it made me nervous too. There were small gaps in our conversation, and neither one of us could seem to say what we wanted to say without stuttering.
"Oh...too bad. So...uh...er...how was school. After history, I mean?"
"It was...you know...ok. I suppose." I wasn't so sure what to say. I only knew that I wanted to see him again. And soon.
"That's good. So...er...are...are your parents home?" His voice got quiet. Did he want to come over? Oh PLEASE let him want to come over!
"Yeah...actually for a while." I said.
"Oh...ok." And there was a long moment of silence between us, where I wanted to say something, but this strange fear kept my mouth shut. Thank goodness he said something first. "Well...since...since I'm bored, and you're bored...do you want me to come over or...something?" Aww, it was so cute the way he asked me. God I loved him.
"Sure. I mean, if you want to." I tried to sound as normal as possible, but my heart was beating a hundred miles a minute.
"Ok...I guess. I'll be over soon, eh?" He said, trying to imitate my calm manner. I hope mine was somewhat more convincing. But I doubted that it was. And with that, he hung up. He was going to come to my house again! Oh wow! What to do? What to do?
I swear that Robin must have made it over in record time that afternoon. Now, you're probably thinking that I would grab him at the door and kiss him deeply on the lips, and believe me, I wanted to. But this was my first boyfriend. My first ANYTHING really. I wanted so much, so fast. But at the same time, I was so incredibly terrified that I'd do something wrong. That I'd mess it up somehow, or that I'd move too fast. And then there was the part of me who was just scared of the unknown. I don't know how he would react to something to that. This was all uncharted waters for me. I wasn't even sure how he felt really. Blasted confusion...it haunted my mind every step of the way.
When he came in, I just invited him in. No hug, no kiss...just a friendly hello and a nervous grin. I walked him to my bedroom and we both sat down on the bed. His collar length blond hair was brushing softly at the sides of his face. And he was just...there. In my room. Waiting. We tried to start a conversation a couple of times, but all we could come up with were yes or no questions. And neither one of us answered with much more than yes or no. We were both so fidgety that kissing him was pushed back to the deep recesses of my mind. I didn't want to scare him off, but I didn't want to go without either. It was an art, like trying to sneak up on a butterfly and catch it before its beauty fluttered away from you, never to be seen again.
"Er..." He said...and then he just giggled at me. He began to blush, and squirm a bit as he sat on the end of the bed.
"Um...yeah..." My smile set him at ease a bit, but not enough. We didn't know what to say. How did we do this the first time. It seemed so easy. Now it was like neither one of us could remember how it happened. I wanted sooo badly to touch him, ever so slightly. The feeling taunted me playfully, letting the goosebumps on my arms flare up with a fury. My whole body tingled.
"Do you...want to play a soccer game or something?" He said. Of COURSE! The game! That's how it happened. I quickly jumped over the bed and started it up for us to play. But it was obvious within the first few seconds that neither one of us was really paying attention. Not this time.
We didn't score at all. We kept making mistakes, and I just COULDN'T find the courage to go any further with him. I was literally shaking with the very idea of it. Then...just as I was about to score the first point of the game, the screen froze. Robin had hit the pause button, and I looked to see his beautiful eyes looking directly at me.
"Um...Joey I...listen, maybe this was a bad idea. I have to get going." He said. No! He couldn't go. Oh please don't go!
"No...it's not a bad time?"
"Are you sure? It's just that...after yesterday...I kinda thought..."
He wanted it too. I know he did. Maybe even as much as I did. After finally hearing him say that, I knew I had to make a decision. Did the fear suddenly vanish? No, of course not. In fact, it was intensified 100 times. But I did it anyway. I HAD to. Even if I was scared out of my wits, I reached out two shaky hands to Robin's face, and pulled him in for a kiss anyway. It was a slow kiss. An almost experimental kiss. It felt so awesome to be kissing him again. His lips filling me with life and love like I've never known.
When I pulled back, he followed me, hungry for more. And we both smiled at each other, bashfully grinning at our eagerness. "I really like you Joey. I have been waiting to see you since the very second that I left yesterday."
"You too? I thought I was just becoming a psychotic or something." I replied.
He rubbed my cheek lovingly, and whispered, "No...you're not." And he kissed me again. With the same tenderness and care as before, but I could feel the passion in him escalate to new heights. And it enhanced mine as well. "I...um...I just...really like you...Joey." He was breathless, and so was I. And we lay side by side on my bed, my lips pressed neatly against his neck, and we ran our hands over each other's bodies for as long as we could. We exchanged more kisses every now and then. Even some French kissing took place. With Robin's tongue slipping in and out of me in the most natural way. My arousal was beyond compare, but it was kissing my blond angel that I was concentrating on. Just making it the best possible kissing event that he had ever known. I felt his leg as he threw it over me and slid it up and down the length of my body, turning me on even more. And I suddenly wanted something that sweet kisses couldn't provide. Something...more...carnal. The thoughts took a hold of me, and I was so tempted! SO tempted! But how dare I ask him? How does someone go about reaching that level of ecstasy. Robin terrified me. To think of being naked with him was heaven, but at the same time it was mind-blowing enough to frighten me into pushing it out of my mind. I wanted so much, and I know he did too. I could feel it. But mostly it was some soft breathing and muffled moans of pleasure. I had never felt so close to another boy, and I never wanted to leave his side. I was stuck on him something awful.
"I have to run along, Joey. My parents will wonder where I am."
"Ok. I'll...I'll see you tomorrow then?" I knew I would, but what else was I going to say?
"Yes...tomorrow." He got up and walked to my bedroom door. And then...I stopped him.
"I...I love you Robin." I felt so...strange saying that to another boy. I had never seen it done before. Never in any movie, or television show, or book. But it was what I was feeling at the moment. What my heart knew to be true. And I had to speak for fear that I'd lose the rest of my marbles if I didn't.
"Oh...oh Joey...I love you too!" He said, hugging me tightly and kissing me hard on the cheek. He sobbed a little over my shoulder, and began to cry softly as my hug tightened around him. I think that maybe he had been trying to find the words to say it himself, and now he knew it was 'safe' to do so. We kissed again a few more times while going to the front door, and I watched him blush and giggle his way out of sight.
I went back to my room and plopped backwards onto my bed, my eyes staring at the ceiling in wonder. I felt the spot of the bed that Robin was laying on, and it was still warm, still possessed by his delightful scent. I just rolled over and cuddled up to that spot, imagining that he was still there with me. I was so in love...what would life be without this wonderful emotion to guide us? G'night Robin, I'll be thinking of you.