Robin, Chapter 8 - "Love is a Phoenix"

by The Journeyman

This story contains explicit descriptions of sexual acts between the characters in it. Although the characters are teenagers who may be below the age of consent in the country or state where this is read, nothing written here should be taken as approval of, or encouragement for, sexual liaisons between people where such liaisons are either illegal, or objectionable for moral reasons. Although this story does not include safe sex practices, it is everyone's own responsibility to themselves and to each other to engage only in PROTECTED SEX. It is a story. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Nothing represented here is based on any fact known to the authors.

The story is being written by several authors, each writing a different chapter. This chapter is copyright 2002 by by The Journeyman.

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This just sucked. Here I am, a healthy, hormone-filled teenager with a lover, a hard-on that won't quit, and two parents to amount to the Berlin Wall of teenage lust.

I lay in my bed that night alone. Robin wouldn't come to my window again - it was just too risky. We got away with it last night, and we sort of walked home together and survived any surveillance that my folks may have set out, but neither of us was willing to risk another tryst (I learned that word in English Composition - cool word, huh?) in the moonlight.

I didn't want to cum. I wanted to save that for Robbie. And although the stress of the day had worn me out, I was unable to sleep.

When I got home that afternoon my mom sent me immediately to my room to do homework. When dad came home we had dinner, then she had a series of chores for me. They involved "manly" things, like cleaning out the garage, fixing and oiling the chain on Beth's bike, vacuuming out mom's car, cleaning up the work bench in the basement. I could see what she was doing; I wondered if she could.

See, this just wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that my parents had reacted like they did. It wasn't fair to be put into this position. I was their son. I had been a good son. I was still a good son. I had done nothing wrong except make love to someone in the house. And truth is, I expected to be in trouble for that. I should have gotten in trouble if it had been a girl, and I should have gotten in trouble for doing it with a boy. I don't have a problem with that. Ground me, give me chores, whip my ass. But don't lay all this on me because I'm gay. Punish me for something I have control over, like getting naked and nasty with another person, but not for something that I don't have a choice in. I'm gay. Period. Mom's reaction, and dad's reaction to that, was totally out of character. And I didn't have a clue how to deal with it.

So I lay in bed, and started doing what is usually the most dangerous thing a teenage boy with runaway hormones can do. I started thinking.

I thought about Jack and how he loved his brother. I thought about Jack and how I loved his brother. And I thought about Jack and me and that common love. He loved Robin because he was his brother. He knew Robin, grew up with him, had fun with him, had fights with him, watched him be brave, watched him be hurt and watched him recover. He knew what Robin could be like in quiet moments, in angry moments, and in exciting moments, like Christmas. He had probably shared supremely happy moments with Robin, and profoundly sad moments. Maybe Robbie had taught him to ride a bike or helped him with his coloring or showed him how to read a Dr. Seuss book. Perhaps Jack had run to Robin when he had fallen, and Robin had held him and hugged him and patched up his knee. Maybe Robin had confided in Jack when he could confide in no one else, and sought Jack's help in a crisis. Those are all the reasons to love Robin. Jack had every reason in the world to love him. What reason did I?

I told you these were dangerous thoughts.

Why did I love Robin? Because he could suck a soccer ball though a garden hose? Because he could turn my balls inside out when I came? Because his cock fit my mouth like it was molded specially for it? Because his kisses make me melt into a pool of goo? Because he's the cutest thing that Australia has turned out since - well, dammit, he's cuter that those freakin' koalas. Was that why I loved him?


But it wasn't enough. As the clock neared midnight, I was still awake and more confused than ever. I lusted Robin. That's all. I lusted him. Jack loved him. And I envied that. I wanted to love Robin. I mean really love him. I wanted to know him and read him and play with him and be near him and hold him and fuck . . . well, maybe that could wait.

We had fallen into heavy lust almost immediately, and we had mistaken it for love. Even Jack had. Yeah, we liked being with each other, but love hadn't even had a chance to develop. We needed more.

So there, at midnight, I decided to love Robin. We were going to date. No sex. Date. We would spend time together, go to movies, eat at each others' houses, watch baseball games together, hold hands at sunsets, swim, run, laugh and goof around together.

Boys and girls could do it, so could we. I knew they could because most of the boys in my school weren't getting any. Just because the danger of pregnancy was eliminated from Robin and me was no reason to automatically go tumbling into bed together at the first opportunity. We were going to woo.

Okay, that was hard enough to figure out. The next part was near impossible. How to get around my parents.

Yeah, I know, I should have stopped thinking there. It would have been safer. Don't bug me about it. The truth is, I couldn't get to sleep. I was pretty damn proud of myself for figuring out that first part, but now I had another problem, and I wanted to figure it out while I was on a roll.

So I lay there some more and thought. How to get around my parents. I had to have a plan to sneak in and out of the house. I'd have to have an accomplice. Aunt Char could do it. No, that wouldn't work. Amy might be able to help. Yeah, I could say I was going somewhere with her. That would work some of the time. I could fake sleepovers with some of the guys from the swim team. Of course, I'd have to keep track of the lies.

The lies.

Damn, those thoughts again. Lies. I was going to have to lie like a rug to go see Robin. Sneak around like a criminal. Like someone who's ashamed of what he's doing. Like someone who's doing something wrong. Like a demon who can't show his face in the light.

Well, no. My love for Robin was going to be honest and truthful. I would not sneak around to see my boyfriend. This was going to be in the open - at least around the house - and I was not going to be ashamed of it. I would have to face my parents. If I lied it would be admitting there was something wrong with Robin and me being together. It would be a show down. I was going to date Robin, and my parents could either learn to accept it (I wouldn't even insist that they like it, just accept it) or they were going to throw me out. They could make my life hell, but I was going to date Robin.

As disturbing as those thoughts should have been, I felt calm and at ease. And I fell asleep.

"Robin, wait up," I shouted the next morning as I followed him and Jack across the school yard. They stopped and looked around. I was grinning the grin of the peaceful. The grin of the in-love. Robin smiled back; Jack looked skeptical.

"Hi, mate," Robin said. Geez, I just wanted to squeeze him.

"Robin, listen, I just want to apologize, man, for not being around."

"Yeah, Jack told me what you've been going through at home. Worse than here at school. I guess I shouldn't even be talking to you."

"Well, no. I mean yes. I mean, yes you should be talking to me, and I should be talking to you.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking. Umm . . ." I looked pointedly at Jack. "Um, you can go if you want. I'm not going to hurt him."

"Ehm, yeah. All right. I'll see you at home after practice," he said to Robin. He caught up to a classmate and disappeared into the building.

"Robin," I said. "look, like I said I've been doing a lot of thinking. Well, most of last night. Robin, I love you. But, oh, hell. I can't explain it all here. Look, I want to go out with you. I want to take you on a date. How about tonight? It's Friday and there are some good movies and we could grab a hamburger somewhere and go on a date. Ya wanna?"

"Er, well, yeah, I do. It sounds great. What about your folks?"

"I don't know," I replied. "I haven't figured that out yet. But I will."

Just then Amy walked by.

"How are you?" she asked. "I've missed you."

"Pissed," I said. "I don't even want to talk to my parents. If I could I'd run away. But I can't leave Beth."

"Yeah," she said. "I understand. Still, I wouldn't blame you."

"Where would you go?" Robin asked.

"Yeah, well, that's the other thing. I don't really have any place to go. Aunt Char might take me in, but really it would just be delaying the inevitable. Eventually I'd have to deal with them."

"Yeah, but maybe they'd calm down by then," he said.

"I don't know. Maybe. But I can't leave Beth."

"Right, mate. I know. I wouldn't be able to leave Jack if I were in your situation," Robin said. "Anyway, we gotta figure out something about tonight."

"What about tonight?" Amy asked.

"I want to take Robin on a date, but I can't figure out how to get out of the house. I gotta come up with a way to get out of the house." I let out a big sigh.

"Um, just tell them you're going out with a friend," Amy said.

"Except they don't trust me. They'll ask who, and demand proof."

"Then give them proof."


"God, you can be dense," Amy said with an exasperated burst of breath.

Both Robin and I just looked at her.

"Oh, god, Joey. Tell them you're taking me out. I'll come to your house and you can leave with me. Then go get Robin and have a hot date."

Oh. Yeah.

"Um, yeah, that'll work. Cool. Um, come by about 7:00 and I'll be ready to go."

Amy smiled.

"Thanks, Amy," Robin said. "I owe you. Wanna go on a date some time?"

"Hey," I said.

"Sure," Amy said with a smile.

"Next Friday, then. You pick the activity."

"Miniature golf," she replied with a giggle. "And root beer floats afterward."

"It's a deal," he said, and he shook her hand.

"Um, you and me? Remember?" I said a little heatedly.

"Oh, get over it, mate," he said. "If she's going to do that we owe her a night out. You can come too."

"Oh, well, in that case, okay."

We walked into school and I tried to learn something in each of my classes. Tried. Doesn't mean I was entirely successful.

After school Amy skipped by and said she'd come by around 7:00. Robin, Jack and I walked home.

Dinner was tense, as it had been since all this happened. I didn't talk to my parents except to give one- or two-word answers to their questions. I didn't feel like I knew them any more. It didn't really feel like home. There was a dark, oppressive atmosphere that seemed to weigh down on all of us, and it came from the woman who had been my mom just a few weeks ago. There was almost a constant scowl on her face. My father was impassive, quiet. No longer joking and talking about his day. Dinner wasn't a time for conversation any more. It was a time when we ate food to keep going. It was merely clinical.

The worst thing was what it was doing to Beth. She was an innocent victim in all of this, and she looked so sad. I don't know if she understood all that was going on, but it didn't really matter. She was oppressed and gloomy over it all, and she didn't have anything to do with it. If anything was unfair, it was what my parents - and I - had done to my little sister.

Toward the end I said that I was going to a movie that night. The grilling started immediately.

"Are you going with that boy?" my mother asked.

"No," I lied.

"Well? Who then?"


"What movie?"

"Don't know. We haven't decided."

"When will you be home?"

"When it's over."

"Stop that. You'd better show me some respect."

"As soon as you show me some." Damn. Too many words.

I put my dishes in the kitchen and went to my room to get ready. After a quick shower I dressed in some khakis, a green polo shirt and brown socks. I slid into a pair of boat shoes, then went back into the bathroom to style my hair. I wanted to look my best for . . . my date.

While I was check my face for zits, I looked into my own eyes. I could see something in them, and I didn't like it. I could see hate. I could see enough hate that I was beginning to abandon my own standards. My parents had flipped out, but it didn't mean I had to.

I thought back to last night, and how I had reasoned things out. And one of the things I reasoned was that my relationship with Robin would not be a lie. And here I was lying about whom I was going to the movies with. I closed my eyes to escape my own accusation, but when I opened them it was still me in the mirror.

I had been waiting for Amy to arrive and ring the doorbell. I was planning to just leap down the stairs, dash to the door, shout out a "Bye," take Amy's hand and get out. Now I knew I couldn't.

I walked heavily down the stairs and went to my parents in the family room.

"I need to tell you something," I said. "I need to tell you that I lied. I am going to the movies with Robin."

My mother sprang off the sofa.

"No, you're not. I forbid it."

"I don't care what you forbid. I'm going. You won't stop me."

"I will. I will stop you. See what it's done to you, being a fag? It's made you a lying sneak."

"I started to lie, but I came clean. I am being honest with you. It's you who've lost their way."

"Get to your room. You will not go out. You will not see that boy."

"His name is Robin."

"His name is shit in this house, and you will not see him."

"Yes, he will." A quiet, firm voice came from behind the animal that my mother had become. She spun around and faced my father, who had stood up and was facing us.

"He will not. Sit down and stay out of this."

"He will. I have stayed out of this far too long. Joey can go to the movie tonight, with Amy or with Robin. It doesn't matter."

"How can you . . ."

"Be quiet. Joey, I'm sorry I didn't speak up sooner. I was stunned and confused, and I got caught up in all of your mother's rantings. But I've done some reading and talking to people who have a lot more experience with this."

The doorbell rang.

"You go to your movie tonight. Have a good time." He handed me a $20. "Don't stay out too late. You still have chores in the morning. And I promise you we'll see a family counselor, and we'll get this all worked out."

I stood there looking at my dad, and I saw the man I had grown up with. He was back. I walked to him, around my mother, and hugged him, sniffing back tears.

"Thanks, dad," I said, holding him tight.

"Thank you, son, for being honest with us tonight. We all have to starting working on that again."

The doorbell rang again.

I opened it and let Amy come inside.

"Hi. Thanks for doing this," I said.

She looked confused for a moment.

"Uh, well, thanks for asking me out," she said a little dramatically to make sure my parents heard.

"Amy, it's okay. I came clean. I told them I'm going out with Robin. It's really sweet of you to do this, but you don't need to lie any more either."

Amy hugged me. "Oh, Joey, I'm so glad. Um, how did that go?"

I told her what Dad had done, how he had finally stood up to mom and what he had told me about counseling.

"'Bye, Dad," I called over my shoulder. "I won't be late. Just to a movie and maybe something to eat afterward. Robin's folks will bring us home."

"Bye, Joey. Have a good time. I mean that."

I walked Amy out the door and down to Robin's. He answered as soon as I rang the doorbell. Jack stepped outside with us.

"Hi, Amy," Robin said. "I don't know how to thank you for this."

"Well, as it turned out, I didn't have to."

Robin looked at her with curiosity.

"My dad grew a backbone tonight," I said. "I told my parents I was going out with you. When my mom said no, I wasn't, my dad told her to be quiet. He said he was sorry for not sticking up for me sooner, and he said we'd all go for counseling. Then he slipped me a 20 and we came over here. End of story."

"No, mate, I don't think it's the end of the story. But I like the latest chapter."

Jack was smiling.

"That was pretty brave of you, Joey," he said.

"Yeah, well, maybe, but I should have been brave sooner. Robin, I'm sorry I didn't stand up for us sooner. But I just decided I couldn't lie any more. I can't lie to you or Jack or Amy or my parents. If we're going to be together, we have to be honest."

"How sweet," Jack said batting his eyes, and we all laughed.

"Amy, would you like to go with us tonight?" Robin asked.

She smiled sweetly. "No, thanks, Robin. Tonight is for you guys. I'll collect, don't worry."

"Yeah, and I'll pay up. Keep next Friday open."

Joey's dad took dropped Amy at home before he took us to the movies. We held hands all through the movie, but we restrained ourselves from feeding each other popcorn. After the movie, Robin's dad picked us up and took us back to their house.

Robin and I sat alone in the family room, the TV on but the sound turned down. The lights were off, and the room was lit only by the flickering image of a rerun of "Law and Order." I held him in my arms.

We kissed. It was a passionate kiss, a love-filled kiss.

"This is what I want," I said. "This is the feeling I was craving. I want to be in someone's arms and I want the love."

"I love this," he said.

"Robin, I want to get to know you so much better. Can we just slow down? Can we do more of this? I love being with you."

"Yes, Joey. I can be very happy this way. I can see all the mistakes I made in the past. It was all driven by sex. There wasn't enough of this. Truth be, there wasn't any of this."

We kissed some more and I stroked his hair.

At 11:00 I started to get up.

"I have to go. I told my dad I wouldn't be late, and I don't want to break his trust. I need to get home. That way we'll get to do this a lot, lot more."

He kissed me at the door, and I walked home happy, hoping this feeling would stay, but unsure what was going to happen with my family. I had started a family crisis, and I had no idea how it could come out.

The house was dark when I got home at 11:10, but the living room light was on. My parents had started doing that when they went to bed. My mom had explained that it was so if she woke up in the middle of the night and saw that the light was off, she knew I was safely home.

I turned off the light. I was safely home. I wondered if my mom would care.