The Root Beer Boys
Chapter Thirteen - Wayne's Diary
Something's wrong. I haven't written in here since the end of January. Everything was so right then. I'd just slept with Tommy and helped him work up the courage to tell Matthew how he feels about it. Then he and Matthew found out they love each other. Tommy doesn't know if he's gay, but who cares. At least he has somebody he loves and isn't afraid to say it.
Brian and Tanner are a couple, but not too many people know it. Tanner's arms were in casts like forever.
School's out now and nothing worth writing about happened this winter.
But something's wrong with Andy. He won't talk to me much and he won't look me in the eye. We hardly cuddle any more, and we haven't even beat off together in over a week. And he keeps looking at my butt.
I been thinking about it real hard, and I figured out that it all started right after he spent the night at Bobby Monroe's.
I don't know what happened, but Andy is acting strange. Guilty, sort of. What could he be guilty about?
It's eating me up, and I'm going to have to do something about it quick. Doesn't he love me any more? Is it Bobby? Does he love Bobby now? SHIT!
Oh Shit, diary! What is it the Catholics say? "Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death?"
I wish she'd pray for me. I hope somebody is praying for me. This week has been the week from Hell, and I'm not sure what's going to happen.
I hate him, diary! I absolutely hate him! He took it away from us, the bastard! He took it away and gave it to somebody else! How could he DO that?! That was supposed to be just for him and me, nobody else! Now he gave it away and can't get it back! Dammit! I hate him!
Oh gosh, diary. I love him so much. How could he do this to us? I feel so bad, I just want to hurt him. But every time I look at him I love him more than before. He looks so miserable, and yet I am still so mad. He and Bobby did it! He put his penis in Bobby's butt! I won't say he made love to Bobby. I refuse to say that. He FUCKED him.
Oh he says it was all Bobby's doing, that Bobby fucked himself using Andy's penis, but who does he think I am? I may only be 14, but I'm not stupid!
I made him tell me this afternoon. But I almost wish I hadn't. By the time he was finished he was crying so hard I could hardly understand him. He was begging me to forgive him and all I could think of was how much I wanted to hit him. I think I almost passed out. I know I got dizzy when I jumped up and ran outside. I was crying so hard I couldn't see where I was going, and I ran right into a tree. Almost knocked myself out. Now I have a bruise on my forehead, and I just know Dad's not going to believe me if I try to lie to him about what happened. Fortunately he's out of town for a couple of days at some tax seminar. Maybe it will be gone when he gets back.
I don't know what to do or how to feel, diary. I'm just kind of numb right now. I don't even want Andy in our bed tonight. I'm gonna soak in the tub until mom goes to bed, then make Andy sleep on the sofa in the living room. Let HIM worry about what to tell mom in the morning.
That sonofabitch! He and I got into it this afternoon. Dammit, diary, why do I feel so miserable? Andy's the one who cheated, not me. So why do I feel like shit? Why does it hurt so much to see him hurt? I WANT him to hurt. He lied to me, then cheated on me, then lied to me again for three weeks before I finally made him admit it. Then when I wouldn't talk to him today, he got mad at ME!
I guess mom made a real fuss about him sleeping on the couch the last two nights and said something to him that made him mad. So he blamed me for it. He said something nasty, and I said something nasty back. I think I used the word whore. I guess that wasn't such a good idea, but he made me mad.
We started yelling at each other, me accusing him, him defending himself. He tried to say what he did was ok because of what Tommy and I did. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't the same thing at all! I didn't fuck Tommy in the ass! We got in a real pissin' match and started calling each other names. He called me an immature little kid and I hit him. I was crying so hard at that remark that I couldn't have hurt him much. And all it did was make me feel like a sissy, because I just slapped him with my open hand, not my fist.
Mom walked in right after that and found me sitting on the floor. I thought for a minute she was going to tear Andy's arm off and beat him with it. She grabbed his wrist and flung him around and screamed at him. I never saw mom so mad. I was actually scared she was going to hurt him. I started to say something, but she just turned on me and said "You just shut your mouth! I'm tired of hearing about this. I've heard enough. Just wait until your Dad gets home."
I thought she was mad at both of us. She sent Andy to our room and just left me sittin' on the floor crying. And she stormed out of the room and went to the kitchen. I could hear her banging pots and pans around and that just made me feel worse. I don't think I cried so much when Andy cut his eye as I did right then. Mom was mad at me and I was sad because she had to have heard what we were arguing about. I was mad at Andy for what he did, but I was sad that because of me mom knew what he had done. And I hurt so much because the boy I love more than life itself was hurting so bad himself. And when I finally had to go pee, I saw Mom sitting at the kitchen table crying. Now I've even hurt her.
Shit, diary, why does life have to be so hard and hurt so much? Why can't I just be mad at Andy? How come he's the one that did something wrong and I hurt so bad for him?
And what's Dad gonna do to us for fighting when he gets home? And what's he going to do to Andy for what Andy did with Bobby? And how am I going to sleep in the same bed with Andy tonight, feeling the way I do. He must hate me for all the things I said today, and for slapping him. Mom said he had to sleep in our bed, no more nights on the sofa .God, I think I'm gonna throw up!
Geez, I didn't know what was going to happen when Dad got home, but it was worse than I expected.
Dad got home yesterday about 4 in the afternoon. Andy was in our bedroom and I was in the TV room. Mom was in the kitchen. I think Dad knew within 15 minutes that something was wrong. He came in and gave me a hug and kiss, then did the same to Andy. He didn't say anything about my face, so I guess I did a good job of just giving him my good side to look at. Then I heard him say something to mom and they went outside. I figured they didn't want us to hear what they had to say.
I don't know how long it was when Dad came back inside and came into the TV room. He didn't say anything. Just walked over to me, put his hand under my chin and tilted my head up where he could look at me straight on. There was no way I could hide the bruise on my forehead and the black eye Andy had given me.
Gosh he was mad.
But I'm not sure.
He looked at me and his face got all red and he looked mad as a hornet. Then all of a sudden I saw a tear form in his eye and roll down his cheek.
He stood there looking at me for a minute, then he just turned around and walked out again. Then I heard the back door slam.
About half an hour later I heard him come back in and I knew he was mad, because he was talking to Andy in a real loud voice. Then I heard something that sounded like he was slapping Andy and I got scared. When I heard Andy crying, I got really scared. So I ran back to our bedroom, crying all the way. Andy was getting a spanking and I was crying. Go figure.
When it was all over, Dad left the room and I stayed.
Andy and I made up right then. I couldn't stand to see him hurt and crying. What he had done didn't deserve this, and I felt like it was all my fault. Maybe I was an immature little baby. I just held him in my arms, his pants and undershorts down around his ankles, and we cried with each other. I kept trying to tell him I was sorry, that it was all my fault. But he was saying the same things, asking me to forgive him for what he had done with Bobby.
We didn't even go in to dinner, diary. I think I was aware of mom closing the door to our room as Andy I sat on the edge of the bed. Soon after that I helped Andy get out of his clothes. I stripped down to my briefs and pulled him into bed with me. His bottom was really red, and I found myself rubbing it real soft-like as I held him. It was kinda warm to the touch, too.
Andy cried himself to sleep in my arms.
Can you imagine that, diary? My older brother crying in MY arms? God, I love him so much. How could he ever think he needed my forgiveness. I'm the one who got us in trouble, and he's the one who got the spanking. And he wants MY forgiveness.
Gosh his bottom feels nice.
... to be continued
© 2001 by Dan. All rights reserved.