Date: Sun, 28 Aug 2022 13:50:00 +0100 From: Andrew Passey Subject: Sam's Journey of Discovery Part Twelve (Young Friends) Sam woke up with a spring in his step. He thought back to what had happened the night before. It had been so much fun and he was glad he'd gone through with it. All that agonising beforehand whether or not he wanted to kiss Sunny again. How important it all felt and how he was confused as to whether he felt stronger about Sunny than he thought he should. In reality as Sunny said it was all about having fun and fun was what he was planning with Sunny that day. He slipped his hand down to his morning wood and gave himself a few tugs. Then he thought he might save it for Sunny and wondered if he could go and wake him up. Maybe he'd wank Sam off again! Sam wasn't really feeling confident enough in his feelings to handle Sunny's dick yet but it would be nice to at least kiss him. He threw his legs out of bed and noticed a piece of paper over by the door. Intrigued, he went over and picked it up. He sat on his bed and read the unfamiliar handwriting. "Dear Sam, I wish I had the words and the strength to talk to you directly about this. I guess I'm not as brave as I thought I was. Last night was lots of fun and I'm glad you enjoyed it. However it can't happen again. I know it might not make any sense to you but I want more than just fun. I think I've fallen in love with you. I can't just settle for having fun. As I write that it sounds crazy. I can see you'd think it was anyway. Why would I be happy messing around with the twins who are just friends but wouldn't with you if I love you? It's because it's too painful. Each time we would do anything together I'd be faced with the bitter truth that you're just doing it to have fun while for me it would be everything to me. I thought I'd be happy just having fun with you but I want more. I think we shouldn't go any further in case we hurt each other and it's just not fair on either of us if we want different things. I'll still hang out with you but not today. I need some time to myself. Next time I see you we can pretend all of this has never happened and just go back to being friends. love Sunny x" Sam dropped the letter in shock and surprise. What the fuck was going on? Sunny seemed to love last night as much as he did. Now it seemed that because he was in love with Sam they couldn't do it again. Sam just wanted to make it make sense. His thoughts were a messy swirl of emotions and confusion. He thought about writing a note back to Sunny but didn't know what to say. He picked up a pen to write his own thoughts down, maybe that would help him make sense of the situation. He wrote down a jumbled collection of words and thoughts before lying down to read them back. "Love! Someone loves me! Me! But also thinks I don't love them. Do I love them? I don't know. I don't know what love feels like. I know I love spending time with Sunny and I love kissing him and I LOVED what we did last night. But is that the same thing? And does it matter? Maybe I just jump in with two feet and say I love him too and see what happens? But if I don't know what love is, how do I know if I love him and if I don't know if I love him then is it fair to tell him I do when I don't know?! FUCK I AM SO CONFUSED!" After rereading what he had written Sam ripped it up into small pieces and threw it in the bin. Whatever the answer was he wasn't going to solve it there and on his own. Sam showered and got dressed before he went and knocked on Sunny's door but got no reply. He went and had breakfast on his own. Sunny's Mum passed a message on from his parents to say they'd gone out for the morning and would see him later. Sam decided to go to the beach to see if the twins were around. While he wouldn't want to let on too much they might be able to help him process how he was feeling. For once though they seemed to be elsewhere so he hung out on his own. He went for a swim and then sat on his sarong on the beach. He stared out into the sea for what felt like an age hoping it would provide some answers to him. After a while his reverie was broken by a boy's voice. "Wow, if you stared any harder at the sea you'd freeze it! I'm Patrick by the way, do you mind if I join you?" asked a tall brown haired boy a bit older than Sam with a thick irish accent. He sat down next to Sam before he could reply. "So, what's going on?" Patrick asked. Sam realised there was no escaping the situation so he might as well join in the chat. "Not much, just sitting here thinking. I'm Sam by the way." "Nice to meet you Sam! If I didn't know better I'd say you were having relationship troubles!" Patrick said. "No! I'm only thirteen! I'm just staring into the sea, that's all!" Sam replied blushing furiously to his annoyance. "That is more than old enough to fall in love with all the problems that brings! I recognise that type of staring and your blush gave it away anyway. So is it a girl? A boy? I'm more than happy to be a stand in if the love is unrequited, you are a very cute boy after all!" "Fucking hell you're very forward!" Sam exclaimed in shock and surprise. Had Patrick really just outed himself within five minutes of meeting him Sam wondered? "Hey I'm a fourteen year old Bi boy on holiday, you don't get anywhere unless you ask! In my recent experiences at home in Dublin I've realised there are boys who would like to mess around with you but would rather die than admit it or ask you. So I have to subtly take the lead. And sometimes not too subtly! Where's the risk in trying it on with you? Even if you're a rampant homophobe you aren't going to beat me up, I'm bigger than you after all!" "Fair enough but no thanks, I'm not looking for a stand in. Anyway, I haven't seen you here before, are you staying in Agonda?" "Nah down in Palolem, cycled over for a day trip." Patrick said before launching into a long and slightly far fetched sounding anecdote about almost crashing into a rickshaw. He had Sam giggling at times and it certainly took his mind off Sunny and his troubles. They talked about things for a while until Patrick put Sam on the spot again. "So Sam, your girl or boy troubles. I think a boy for some reason, am I right?" Patrick asked Sam who blushed but nodded in agreement. "Ok well we can sort that out. What exactly is the trouble, let Patrick, the love doctor, help and give you his prescription for success!" Both boys giggled at the stupidity of the name and to his surprise Sam found himself opening up to Patrick. He told him about meeting Sunny, how they got on well instantly. The going skinny dipping. The confusion about liking seeing him naked. Finding out about him messing around with the twins. Then the walk on the beach to see the turtles and their first kiss. Then the uncertainty about whether he liked Sunny. At this stage Patrick had his first bit of advice. "It's natural to be confused at your age Sam," Patrick said. "Not all boys are, I knew from well before then I liked both boys and girls but not everyone knows until they're older. It's easy to overthink and worry too much. It's clear you really like Sunny. How did your first kiss go? And your second one? I find kissing is a really good metric for how you really feel. If it's just wet and sloppy then you're not into the person. If it feels like all your senses are on fire and that you never want it to end, then THAT means you've found the person you love. Sometimes your subconscious knows before you do. It takes control and floods you with emotions and hormones! So back to what I was saying, which do your kisses feel like? Wet and sloppy or the most amazing thing ever?" Sam smiled at the memory of the kisses, "Oh definitely the most amazing thing ever once I relaxed and got into it!" He said. "There you go! You do like Sunny that way. So what's the problem?" Patrick asked. Sam sighed and told Patrick about last night but without going into too much detail. Some things were personal and to be kept to himself. When he'd finished Patrick looked thoughtful. "I think this is an easy one to solve, Sam. He's just feeling confused like you were. He is in love with you and just needs you to tell him that. After that everything will be fine. Well not totally fine, the path of young love never runs smooth but that's an exciting emotional rollercoaster you can go on together! Now I should probably head back to Palolem before it gets dark." "Okay I think I know what I need to do then.!" Sam said feeling better about everything. "Thanks for your help. I owe you. I do happen to know a couple of very horny local boys who I might be able to set you up with one of them if you like? Those twins I was talking about. Where are you staying in Palolem and for how long? We'll maybe pop down one day and see how it goes!" "Going nowhere for a while! I'm just off the beach at Sai Palolem bungalows. Can't miss my bungalow, it's bright pink and it's number 10. So that sounds right up my street. Horny. tick! Local boy. tick! Well hung would be a bonus as well!" Patrick said with a grin at Sam. "Well I can confirm from skinny dipping with them that you'd get a tick there as well!" Sam said grinning back at Patrick. He walked back with Patrick to his bike and after a "good luck!" Patrick cycled up the road. Sam walked back to the guest house where Sunny's Mum said Sunny wasn't feeling great so wouldn't be coming for dinner. Sam thought about going up to talk to him there and then but decided to try it later. His parents came down when they heard him arrive and the three of them went out to dinner, not at the guest house for a change. It was a nice evening but it felt strange without Sunny. Sam was quiet but answered enough questions to keep his parents happy. Then it was back home to the guest house. Sam said goodnight and waited until they'd gone upstairs to their room. Then with a deep breath he walked down the corridor to stand outside Sunny's room. It was all quiet inside and after one more deep breath to calm his nerves he knocked softly on the door.