Date: Wed, 19 Apr 2006 00:34:39 +0800 From: YoDawgs Bl.net Subject: Search For Conscience, Chapter 11 Thanks for your support so far, readers. I hope this style of writing will suffice. I am trying to include as much detail as possible into this piece of work, so please don't get bored if it seems to stretch on forever. As usual, I appreciate all mails. Gives me pleasure every time I see "New Mail" in my inbox. He was back in the dark, looming hallway of the hospital again. Filled with dread and trepidation, he inched forward towards the stretchers which he knew held his parents. He reached the first gurney. With shaking and sweating hands, he pulled back the white cloth that separated him from the body beneath. It was his mother. However, unlike the time when he saw her, she had an ugly gash down the side of her face, and her eyes were missing, bloody holes as substitutes. Her skull was cracked open, revealing a large mass of rubbery substance, which flowed down her unmoving head onto the white cloth of the gurney. She bucked, hands gripping Cody's face, screaming "Why weren't you there with us? Why did you let us go?! How dare you! You left us alone! And now we're dead!" with blood sputtering out of her mouth, grey face contorting with rage. Cody was stunned by the sheer malice and hatred in the face of his very own mother. He screamed and screamed, voice echoing through the A & E ward, accentuated with grief and rage at himself, and also at the horror that he beheld in front of him. And awoke, his lips screaming the syllable "Nooooooooo", his entire body covered in cold sweat as it was the night before. The tears started flowing down his cheeks, as he was consumed by the ever-present wave of grief. He curled into a ball, oblivious of his location, and rocked back and forth, trying to contain the spasms of sadness that fought to break free of his chest. "Oh God, Whyyy??" he moaned with grief, burying his face between his knees. Every single atom of his body, bone, sinew, marrow, muscle, skin, burned with grief and desperation. A cold hand gripped his shoulder, jerking him from his tango of sorrow. In normal circumstances, he would have been slightly taken aback by the coldness of the fingers gripping him. However, the recent trauma that he had undergone only made him view the stimulation as that of something dreadful and melancholic. In short words, it felt as if a corpse had risen from the ground and gripped his shoulder, forever entrapping it in the silent hallways of the dead. "Ahhh!" he yelled with shock, shying away from the contact. The hand shook him vigorously. "Cody!" a familiar voice shouted. He raised his head, looking up into his father's dead eyes, formerly blue like his, gone grey as the cold embrace of death took them. He shut his eyes, wanting to escape this realm. He roared with terror and grief, holding his hands out in front of his face in an attempt to shield himself from looking his father straight in the eye. In a millisecond, the vision cleared, leaving behind the grey interior of a room. He lay there for a few moments, while the sights and sounds of Sean's room and the texture of the double-decker bed returned to him. Above him, Sean's beautiful face faded into view, skin tinted yellow by the light of the bed lamp that was alight. Sean's hand gripped his shoulder like the dream, but instead of the freezing sensation, it was warm and comforting. "Are you alright, Cody?" Sean's pre-teen voice asked. Cody tried not to whimper, and covered his face with his hands as the tears began to flow. He choked, sobs racking his body. He was aware of his exposed chest expanding in and out along with his abdomen, as his diaphragm improvised with each sob. Sean pulled him into a sitting position and wrapped his arms around his body, slowly kneading the muscles in Cody's back. Cody altered his position and pressed his chest against Sean's, resting his head over Sean's shoulders, chin resting against the soft skin beside Sean's left shoulder. He sobbed openly, allowing the tears to flow down his cheek and drip upon Sean's bare back. He pulled Sean against him as hard as he could and gripped him back with all the force he could muster, to alleviate the bouts of grief that seemed to strike cruelly into the deepest recesses of his mind. Sean's skin was cool and welcoming, and helped comfort Cody's alternately steaming body. "Oh Sean." He choked. "I just had this dreadful dream. My parents. They were after me. My father looked at me as if I abandoned them in that hospital, and my mother, ohh, my mother..." The tears burned from his eyes again, and he screwed them up in grief, pressing his fingernails into Sean's back. Sean let out a cry of pain, and Cody immediately realized the consequences of his actions. He ran his fingers into the marks that he had left, sobbing his regret. "Sean, I'm s-so s-sorry. D-didn't m-mean t-t-to hurt-t you-u." he stammered, the effects of his grief impacting him and impeding his vocabulary. Sean's response was a quickened pace of petting, and a whisper of "It's nothing, Cody. I wish there was something I could do for you, but I can't. All I can do is just to hold you, and hope the pain goes away. You understand, don't you?" "Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you." Cody whispered back, hugging Sean as tightly as he could. He feared that Sean would be taken away from him that very moment. He knew that he would not be able to survive without the contact at that moment. He rocked his body back and forth, trying to rid himself of the grief. Sean said nothing, but followed his motion, breathing gently down his back. His moans subsided gradually, and he felt himself enjoying the blissful contact between him and his step-brother. He began to pet Sean back, fingers stimulating the contours of Sean's firm back. He applied pressure to the area between Sean's shoulder blades and discovered a new existence of tension, probably caused by the afternoon swim. "Ahh, feels good." Sean murmured. He suddenly shifted and pulled Cody down onto the bed, facing his back toward Cody. The rippling of strained muscles was visible as Sean bent slightly forward, exposing more surface area of his back to Cody. He stared, bemused, at the freckle-covered skin less than five inches from him. "I suppose you want a back rub, then." He said. "Much obliged, thank you." Was the reply, uttered in the soft West-London accent. Cody began his work on Sean's back, stretching out the fibres and sinew that held together the beautiful boy in front of him. In a fashion similar to yesterday, Sean started groaning again with pain and ecstasy, arching his back in spite of his efforts to maintain a straight posture. "Oh Cody, that feels sooo good." Sean's muffled voice said. "Hush, and let me do my work." Cody replied, while pressing down hard on Sean's shoulder blades, eliciting a loud moan. He gradually moved downwards, rewarded by the pleasurable moans and groans from the brown haired boy. He was massaging Sean's kidney area when his left hand suddenly rubbed against something rubbery and elastic. "Sean!" he exclaimed. "What?!" Sean asked in a shocked tone. "You're still in your Speedos!" "Yeah, so?" "So, your bollocks are going to be rotten in the morning then." "Oh damn!" Sean muttered, before pushing Cody's hands away. Cody heard a loud smack and the rubbing of synthetic material before a loud slapping sound on the floor beside the bed confirmed that Sean had removed his chlorine-infested Speedos. And, also was stark naked in the bed beside him. "Err, Sean?" "Yeah?" "Are you going to put something on? Because you're in the nude, in front of me, and the light's still on." "Oh, shit!" Came a muffled expletive, as Sean pulled the sheets around his waist, hiding his embarrassment. "Don't look, okay?" Sean dragged himself toward the lamp and flipped the switch, engulfing both of them in darkness. Cody felt the bed shake slightly as Sean pulled a pair of boxers on. "Where did you get THOSE from?" "Oh, I always leave a spare pair of boxers under the sheets." "For what?" "Just." Cody could almost hear Sean's grin in the darkness, as the boy settled himself in the same position a few seconds ago. "Get on with it then!" he mock-ordered. Cody grinned and leant forward to kiss Sean's neck, nuzzling his nose into the soft skin. The youth immediately started, and turned around to face Cody. "What are you doing?" the question hit him like a lead weight. "N-nothing." He stammered. "Don't lie to me, Cody. What did you just do?" "I... I... k-kissed your n-neck." he stuttered. His whole body started to quiver uncontrollably and he was on the verge of tears now. "Cody, I..." "Oh, god. I've ruined it! You don't want to be my brother any more now. You're going to send me away like the rest of the families!" he interrupted Sean, hoarsely. Tears trickled down his cheeks again as his chin quivered out of his control. He pulled himself free of the contact and jumped down from the bed, mildly twisting his ankle as he did. He let out a cry of pain and dragged himself toward the bed, crying uncontrollably. He discovered the cold sheets and embraced them, resigning himself to his fate. "Oh why, oh why didn't I just die with them?!" he wailed out loud, sobs racking his five foot three body. He clutched the bed sheets with anguish and howled his sorrow cum anger into them. He pummeled the sheets and pillows with all his strength, crying out with emotion with each punch. So much was his grief, that he did not notice Sean looming over him. He felt Sean's hand clasp his shoulder and cried out angrily. "What do you want?" "Cody, you didn't even let me finish my sentence. I loved you doing that to me. I felt like someone my age actually cared about me. My sister never did these sorts of things with me, and I can't tell you how happy I was when you kissed me. I love you, Cody! I loved you ever since you came into my life. God knows what I would do without you now. I love you so much." Cody felt Sean's tender hands caressing him and felt a kiss on his brow. He hugged Sean as hard as he could for the second time that night. "I feel like a monster now, Cody. I should have just let you get on with it." "No, Sean. I am the monster. This grief and rage inside me is breaking its chains. I hope it never comes loose. I might lose myself." "That won't happen, Cody. It can't. I need you so much." Cody smiled, and ran his hands through Sean's hair. "Can we go back to the double-decker bed now? I hate this place, it makes me think of what happened to my parents." He begged. "Of course." Sean gently lifted him by his arms and carried him over to the bed. He alighted, wincing at the pain in his ankle. He gingerly climbed up the ladder, Sean assisting him the best he could. As he climbed up the ladder, Sean chided him. "Look. You've twisted your ankle for such a small thing. You're silly, do you know that?" He ignored the comment and clambered up onto the bunk, massaging his sore ankle. Sean shoved him gently, making him lose his balance and fall onto the still warm pillow that he had laid on less than a minute ago. There was a gasp as Sean beheld his twisted ankle. "Oh wicked! It's like the time where I sprained my own ankle. Swelled up like a gobstopper, mine did. Here, I'll make it better." He felt Sean's hands massaging his ankle and whimpered out in pain, clenching his teeth and gripping the sheets tightly. Sean lifted his foot up onto his lap and continued applying pressure to the afflicted ankle. "Uhh... Sean... It hurts... Oww..." he cried out, as Sean pressed his fingers into the swollen area. "Don't worry, better to hurt now than later, don't you think?" Sean replied, grinding his fist into the affected area, causing more cries of pain from Cody, as he squirmed involuntarily. When Sean finally pressed down with all his might onto the bulge, Cody let out a loud scream of pain. "Uh-Huuh-Huuuh!" prolonging the last syllable as he pushed his face down into the sheets, tears of pain riddling his eyes. "Here, it's over now. Come on, let's get to sleep." He heard Sean whisper gently, as he pulled the covers over himself. "Hey! I need some cover too, you know. I get cold too, even though I'm much tougher than you." Sean snickered. He didn't reply, but instead lifted the covers and waited will Sean snuggled in beside him, pulling him into the familiar contact that he discovered only yesterday. He felt a sense of security, as he spooned into the older boy's body in front of him, grinding his back against Sean's chest. He felt Sean's hands carefully touch his back, fingernails lightly scratching his shoulders, bringing sensations of relief to him. He sighed contentedly as Sean ran his fingers through his hair, stimulating his scalp. "Sean?" "Yes?" "I'm afraid to go to sleep." "Oh, why, Cody?" "I'm afraid that if I do go to sleep, I'll have those horrible nightmares again." "Cody, what about me? Don't you think I'm terrified of going to sleep as well?" Instantly, Cody realized his inconsideration. How could he have forgotten? If anything, Sean would be the one frightened of sleep. "I'm sorry, Sean. Wish I could do something to make it better." "You saved me yesterday. That's enough for now. So, go to sleep!" he ordered, squeezing Cody's shoulder blades. "I'll be here in the morning, you know. A beautiful Sunday is what tomorrow is going to be." He continued. Cody was made aware of the action of Sean's right hand attempting to squeeze itself through his arm and his ribs. He giggled with ticklishness and lifted his hands, allowing the hand easy access to his chest. Sean lightly ran his fingers along Cody's chest, frequently grazing his large pink nipples with fair areolas, causing jolts of pleasure through his chest. "Mmmmm..." he moaned, as he gradually fell into oblivion.