Date: Sun, 1 Jun 2008 18:12:54 +0000 From: Xenophon . Subject: Silver lining, part 6 Silver Lining by Xenophon Disclaimer: This story involves consensual homosexual acts between under-age boys. If this offends you, or is illegal for you to view, or you are too young to read it, leave now and do not return. This story is entirely fictitious, and any similarity to persons living or dead, or to actual events is entirely coincidental. So there. Sorry that this one took so long. Stuff kept getting in the way and I then got writer's block badly- at one point I wondered if I would ever finish. Thank you to all those who have sent their comments, feedback and encouragement on parts 1-5. They mean a great deal, and I really appreciate them- every single one. This chapter will be the final part of 'Silver Lining'. Those of you who have followed this story from its inception, I thank you for your perseverance- the end is in sight. Chapter 11- David "He comes! He comes! Just at the very moment when everybody said: weep and despair! My love triumphs, yes, triumphs! My faith is completely vindicated! He has come back and he loves me!" -GG, LI, and GP The next day, the day after me and Ben had our big fight, it had snowed again, and our school was once again closed, but with the promise that, as soon as the county council got it's arse in gear and gritted the roads that day, it would reopen. Bugger. Oh well, we at least had today. And next week was half-term, so no school. I couldn't complain that hard, I guessed. Ben was still asleep when Stephanie called through the door to let us know we didn't need to bother getting up, and I let him sleep. His arms were still limply draped over me from my the night before. I've seen many ways of describing what people look like asleep, but the word which always described Ben best was 'peaceful'. Whenever I have seen him sleeping, I just want to lay there and watch him. That day was no exception. I ignored the not-so-subtle hints my bladder was giving me and just let him sleep, watching his ribcage rise and fall, scanning the contours of his beautiful face. Yesterday we had been fighting bitterly, and I felt like I had nearly lost him- actually lost him at one point. That morning, and every morning thereafter, I couldn't imagine life without him. We hadn't known each other all that long, in the grand scheme of things, but he had wormed his way into my heart, and I felt like it would stop if I lost him. I hoped I never had to find out. Eventually of course, no matter how much I wanted to, I had to pee. Ben was lying propped up against me, with his arms around me, and as much as I tried to extricate myself without waking him, he was too tightly wrapped around me, and he awoke. "Morning, gorgeous," I whispered as his eyes flickered open. "I'm sorry, I tried not to wake you, but I have too pee really badly." "'s OK," he mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What's the time?" "Nine-ish." "No school again?" he asked. I nodded. I let him wake up and relieved my aching bladder. I then went back into our room- and it was, once again, our room- and woke myself up with stomach crunches and press-ups. Ben joined me. I studied his body as we worked out. Whether it was puberty or our work out, he was definitely becoming more toned. His chest was less the little boy than before, and his calves and thighs were definitely more defined than before. He still had that beautiful bubble butt though. God, I found him so attractive. He finished and caught me staring. "You really do like me, don't you?" he said. "More than music, more than sport- even rugby- and more than breathing," I said, and meant it. "I love you more than anything. I'll never love anyone like you, Ben. Not if I live to be one hundred. And yes, your body does drive me wild with desire, Sally Bowles!" Cabaret was just about my favourite film, and I had watched it with Ben the week before. I normally hated musicals, but I made an exception for that one. He giggled at my quotation. "I'm sorry about..." he began. I pressed a finger to his lips. "No, don't apologise. It's over as far as I'm concerned. I'll never make that same mistake again. I'd do anything for you, Ben," I said. "Would you stop smoking?" he asked almost instantly. "Eh?" I said. "Stop it, David- I want you to. It's bad for you- it'll kill you. It'll wreck that great voice of yours, it makes you stink and I hate it. Stop it, please- for me?" he said. I sighed. I suppose he was right about all of those things. I wasn't really addicted to it- I only smoked a few a day- and did it more out of rebellion than pleasure. All I had been through sort of made me feel less of a need to rebel- I already stood out from the crowd, I wasn't a sheep (despite Martin's jokes to the contrary) so I supposed I didn't need that one thing. And what Ben wanted, Ben got- he was worth it. "Yes," I said simply. Ben hugged me. It was worth it even more just for that one hug. Ben started kissing me properly. I began returning it, running my tongue over his teeth, but then gently stopped him. "Wait, are you sure you want this? After what you said yesterday... y'know, about... about me using you..." My voice petered out. "I'm sure. I was wrong. All the times we did anything- well, except at first when we just jacked off and it was just a bit of fun- it felt... it felt right. You remember the first time you... y'know, kissed me back there?" he asked. I nodded. "You remember you said it felt like saying 'I love you'? Well each time we've done anything since then, it's felt like that. It feels great 'n' all, it's the most awesome thing I've ever felt, but it's... it's more than just that- that's the way you make me feel. Does that make sense?" "More than you know," I said, a lump in my throat. He had cut straight to the heart of how I felt- I really enjoyed what we did together, because it was more than sex- it felt like an expression of love. He kissed me again, and this time I returned it with passion. When his hand dropped inside my boxers though, I stopped him again. "No," I said. "For a little while, let's tone that back a little. Or if we do anything, it's me doing you. That way you know I'm not just trying to 'get my leg over' as you put it. Wait," I said as he began to talk, "let me finish. You wouldn't have said it if there wasn't a bit of you that felt it. You don't say things you don't mean- or when you do it's so bleeding obvious any fool can tell- even me. If I'm not getting my leg over, then you can be sure I'm with you because of you- not because the old fella wants attention. How does that sound?" Ben pouted. "OK, I guess. Fuck it, David, I like what we do. I like making you feel good, and I like the way you make me feel. Can't we just say I was being stupid and forget it?" "No. Look, I'll do you a deal- no sex of any kind today. Kissing and cuddling all day is fine by me, I could do that forever, and that's so obviously mutual that I'm not worried about it. Tomorrow, we'll see how we feel, but if we do anything, it's me making you feel good, not the other way around. That stays in place for at least a week," I said. OK, so a week's not very long- but when you're twelve and fifteen, to go that long with no sex having had it three or four times a day for a while is an eternity. And I neglected to tell Ben that the plan was open to extension if it needed to be- indefinitely, in fact. "What about you?" Ben asked. "Oh, I'll just get back with Jill I suppose," I said, grinning. "Who's Jill- David, are you... have you been seeing a girl..." he began. My laughter interrupted him. "Your face was priceless- have you not heard that one before?" I asked, still laughing. He shook his head. I held up my right hand, palm facing away from him. I spread my fingers, and traced them with my other hand. "See? J...I...L...L. Jill my right hand." (If you've never seen that one before gents, hold your right hand out in front of you, fingers spread and palm away from you. Look at the shapes... yes, you see they look like letters... and the penny drops) Ben collapsed with laughter. I hugged him tightly laughing with him. "OK, we go with your plan. But it's not necessary," he said when he calmed down. "Yeah, actually it is," I said, and that sort of finished the conversation as Ben shrugged and grunted what sounded like surrender, if not agreement. We ate breakfast, then spent most of the morning listening to music, talking and cuddled together back in the bedroom, although full clothed now. Having spent most of yesterday apart, it was wonderful just to pass time with him. Naturally our stomachs began complaining pretty much as soon as the clock passed from morning to afternoon, so we ate lunch. The rest of the day passed uneventfully, mainly just hugging and talking, enjoying each other's company. He was such a wonderful companion- I never felt the need to fill the silences with him. They were never awkward, just moments of blissful quiet. After the others got home Ben and I had to pretend we were still platonic friends. So while Ben did homework in the room, I went to John's little study and rang Alex so he could fill me in on the night before. "Hey stud, how was it?" I said as he answered. "Really nice, David," he said. I could almost hear his foolish grin down the phone. "So come on, what happened?" I did my best impression of Coach Jenkins. "And I want details see? You'd be letting the team down, see? I tell you my drama and you dump me in it, so you owe me, boy." I switched back to 'normal David' voice. "I was joking on that last bit, by the way." "Oh, good," he said. He paused. "David, are you and Ben..." His voice trailed off. "We're fine, mate, relax," I said. "I'll fill you in on my goss when you give me yours. Fess up mate, what happened?" Alex ran me through the night before, telling me about how good it felt just to spend time with him, how they both liked Battlestar Galactica (whatever the hell that was), how they'd cuddled a lot and how they'd talked about how they felt. He told me about their misunderstanding over 'boyfriend' status and how that was all sorted now. "I'm glad, Alex, I really am," I said, genuinely pleased that my lonely friend had got himself a boyfriend, at least for now. If Dan hurt him, I swore I'd kill him, but I didn't tell Alex that. He then told me about how much they had shared that they'd never told anyone- Alex about his loneliness and how he'd had so little human affection (even telling Dan things he never told me), Dan about his confused sexuality (Alex didn't give me details, and I didn't ask, but Alex was satisfied that Dan liked him). "...and he stayed over," Alex said. I could feel the blush down the phone line. "You sly dog!" "Not like that... well, only a bit. Mainly we just kissed and cuddled and then went to sleep." "Alex, if you want to keep the bits other than kissing and cuddling private, fine- none of my business, but tell me this- was it good?" "Un-be-fucking-lievable!" he said, and I could tell he meant it. I laughed. "Well, that's all you ever need to say- I just want to check you're OK, not pry, y'know?" I said, suddenly feeling maybe I'd intruded. "I know. Thanks David," he said. "Any time." "Look, can ask you something really personal? And you can tell me to fuck off if it's too personal..." "Go ahead, I'll be suitably coarse and clear if you cross the line." "Thanks," he said, pausing and taking a deep breath. "You and Ben... you see each other naked, right?" "Well, yeah, we share a room all the time, it's inevitable really." "Well, when he checks you out and you see he's doing it... does it make you feel... y'know..." "Sexy?" I offered. "Yeah, that'll do until I find something more romantic." "Romantic's great, but if you and Dan are gonna work, feeling sexy's probably important. And yeah, Ben does make me feel that way when he looks at me," I said honestly. "Oh good." "Why?" "Just wanted to check I wasn't being weird or something- I'm not used to people seeing me in my birthday suit," he said. "But with Dan it feels good?" "Yeah." "I'd say that's a good sign. In my experience of one boyfriend, anyway," I said, and we both laughed. "Oh there's... there's one thing I should probably tell you..." he said, his speech grinding to a halt. I waited to see if he would finish. He didn't. "Ye-es?" "Well..." he paused and took a deep breath. "Stay calm, but... I kind of told Dan about you and Ben." I was only the next room away from where Anna was watching cartoons, so reined myself in before I shouted. "What the fuck did you do that for?" I hissed. "It just slipped out- we were cuddling and being cosy and we were talking about how our gaydars are crap, and I was saying how you picked me up straight away, Dan a second or two later and... and I sort of slipped and said how you'd got vibes from Ben early on too. He guessed that you were an item. He wasn't reading it right, what with you being older than him and stuff, so I sort of had to tell him all the stuff that wouldn't get a 15-rating to explain. He's cool now- actually we're both a bit jealous of you two. I told him some of the stuff Ben's done to make you feel good... oh shit, that came out wrong- obviously I didn't mean that stuff, I didn't tell him anything about..." "Alex, you're babbling," I said, interrupting him. "Say what you mean while I'm still calm enough to hear it." "Right. Sorry." He took a deep breath and carried on. "I told him about how Ben always wears your rugby shirt- even though it's practically heresy- to support you, and how he learned that song for when you get upset. I told him that you'd do anything for him- cut off your arm, join the Wilkinson fan club..." "Stop smoking," I interrupted him. "Eh?" "I'm stopping smoking for him," I said. "Oh, OK. Anyway, I told him we were over if this got out without you telling people yourself, and he's gonna keep quiet. Anyway, we're both a bit jealous of you two." "Eh?" "You've got this whole 'love' thing, David," he said. "We've never had that. I think I might be beginning to fall for him, but I'm not there yet. You two are... well... whenever I see you apart, you look incomplete." "'A lock without a key, a city with no door, a prayer without faith, a show without a score'," I quoted. "Eh?" "Nothing, something I need to play Ben later. Song I know," I said. "Anyway, no problem Alex, but twice in one day you put your foot in your mouth is enough for the next six months, OK?" "I'm sorry mate," he said. "Forget it, I was joking- just be careful, OK?" "Sure thing," he said. "Anyway, Dan and I woke up together, got the phone call about school still being closed, and promptly went back to bed. We didn't sleep, just chatted about stuff... sci-fi, music and stuff. He even said it was nice that I didn't like football so he isn't just repeating other conversations with me. Isn't that sweet?" I made fake retching noises down the phone. He laughed. "Fuck you, Mister 'I'll-stop-smoking-just-for-you'." "Nice comeback- you're learning, my young apprentice." "Thanks. Teach you to diss my boyfriend." "The Force is with you, young Skywalker, but you are not a Jedi yet," I said. "I'll have you the most feared tongue-lasher in the county by the summer." "I though you hated sci-fi?" "Hate's a bit strong- I just don't watch it. And Star Wars doesn't count." "Fair enough," he said. "Seriously Alex, yeah that was really sweet," I said. "And I wouldn't worry about him- no straight guy alive would come out with a line like that!" He laughed. "Yeah, thanks mate. Anyway, he had to go home when his parents went to work- so he can look after his brothers. They're not at school either. I miss him already. Oh god, I'm turning into a teenage girl from 'Neighbours', aren't I?" "Without checking in your underwear, I can't be sure, but it sounds like it yeah," I said, and we both laughed. "So, what happened after I left yesterday?" said Alex. I filled him in on most of what happened since- I left out the no-sex plan, though- and how worried I'd been that I'd ruined everything, but that it was all OK now, just needed me to work a bit harder. We chatted on a bit after I finished, but not long into our discussion of the latest crap melodrama on Ramsay Street, Anna knocked on the door to say me and Ben had to lay the table with her, so I said goodbye to Alex and followed her into the kitchen. We had dinner when John got back, and then Ben asked me up to our room, locking the door. "David, you're quite good with the whole reading music thing aren't you?" he asked me. "I do OK," I said modestly. "Well... I... look, Mr Andrews wants me to do the solo in the Gloria of the Charpentier..." he began. "Ben that's terrific!" I exclaimed, jumping up and hugging him in congratulations. I was so pleased for him. I knew how much he had started to love singing, and what such a vote of confidence from Bumble would mean to him. "Well, that's the thing- I'm not sure if I've got it right. Would you listen to me, and see if I've got it right?" he asked nervously. "I'd love to hear you," I said. "Just a sec." I dug my copy out of my school bag so I could check his notes. When he'd got his too, I pulled him into the bathroom. "OK, go ahead." "Er, David, why are we in here?" he asked, confused. "You ever wonder why so many people sing in the shower?" I asked. "Um, they're bored?" "No, the acoustics in a tiled room mean you can hear yourself really well. And for our purposes it means you can catch any bum notes yourself," I explained. "Oh, that makes sense I guess," he said, and turned to the part with his solo. "Can you give me my note?" "Not by about two octaves," I said smiling. "I can give you it at my pitch, though." I found the note, gave it to him, and he began to sing. I had never actually heard Ben sing alone before- he had always been amongst a throng of other trebles, so I couldn't tell what was him and what was someone else. To hear him now brought tears to my eyes. He was simply outstanding. He had a clarity of tone that seemed to go straight to your heart, and his intonation was perfect. He stopped singing when he saw my tears. "Is it that bad?" he asked, looking crushed. "Ben, you're brilliant," I said. "You're SO good! How long have you been able to sing like that?" He shrugged. "Dunno, I guess always, but I only started in September, so I don't really know." "Ben, if your voice is anything as good as that when it breaks you could be professional," I said. He blushed and tried to protest I was seeing the world through Ben-tinted spectacles, but I insisted. "I'm dead serious. You should ask for singing lessons- you could go far on that voice." He blushed. "You're better than me, though." "No, I'm not," I said shaking my head. "OK, I read music and sight-sing better and all that stuff, but I've been doing this for seven years, you've been doing it for five months, so that's to be expected. Your voice is ten times what mine is. I'm good, don't get me wrong, but I do it for fun- I know I'm no better than a gifted amateur. You're special. Sing some more." He sang the rest of his solo. A couple of his notes were wrong (not out of tune, just misreading the key), and his pronunciation was a little off (it's supposed to be sung in medieval French Latin, which is different in pronunciation to standard church Latin- I have no idea why) both of which I gently corrected. But his singing, his dynamic variation, his grasp of phrasing and breath control and support were magnificent. When he was done, I hugged him tight, and kissed his cheek. "I love you, my budding Gedda," I said. "I love you too- what?" he said. I laughed. "Nicolai Gedda- one of the greatest tenors who has ever lived. Better than Pavarotti by miles. It was a compliment." "Oh. Thanks, I guess," he said, unsure. "You're welcome, Ben." He thought for a moment. "Have you got anything by him?" he asked. "Er, yeah," I said. I scanned my CD rack for a second. I grabbed my recording of Mendelssohn's Elijah with Gedda in and put on 'If with all your hearts'. "This isn't the main event, this is a taster," I said. The one I was really looking for wasn't in it's usual place. I saw it on my computer desk, and as soon the Mendelssohn track finished, put the better example in. "Isn't that the Star-Spangled Banner?" he asked in confusion at the opening brass. I smiled. "It's based on it- wait for him to sing." He did. When the tenor began showing his stuff, Ben smiled. "See what I meant now?" "You think I could be that good?" he said. I nodded. "Wow, thanks David, you really were paying me a compliment. What is this?" "Puccini. Madame Butterfly. The aria's called 'Dovunque al mondo'." "I'll remember that," he said. "I want to play you something else- something different," I said. Ben nodded, and I pulled an album out of my CD rack and put it on. "Listen to the words- this bit." He concentrated. "Yeah, I get the meaning- what's your point?" "It's something Alex said on the phone before, reminded me of this song- how I feel when you're not around. All those things he says in the song- things with something really important missing. So they don't quite make sense without that one crucial part. That's you to me- I'm incomplete without you," I said. Ben looked at me hard. "You really mean that?" "Yes," I said simply. "I... I don't know what to say," he said, sounding a little bit choked. "You don't have to say anything. I just wanted to show you how I feel. Wait- there's one more," I said, changing CDs again. "Listen to the lyrics." "I can't understand them," he said after a bit. "It's too screamy." "It's hardcore, it all sounds that way," I said with a smile. "It goes like this- the guy's in love with someone who accepts him just the way he his- like you do. Whatever he gives he gets back much more- like I get from you. They feel the same things, his sanctuary is in his love's arms, his love helps him get through his problems, his love kept him sane when the world seemed mad- it's a lot like how I feel about you." There were tears in Ben's eyes. "I love you, David." "Love you too," I said with a smile, and he leapt into my arms, and we held each other tight. We were OK. The evening passed without incident, Ben and me hugging lots when we were alone. We slept cuddled up in the same bed that night, but the underwear stayed on and the hands remained outside them. I was horny as hell, but controlled myself. Ben was too important for any mistakes. We kissed a lot though, before finally falling asleep. The last two days of the week saw the snow turn to slush and eventually drain away as rain set in, so we were back at school. Not much happened, really, although Dan and Alex were obviously together a lot more and they met up most nights after school, but only Mouse and I noticed. To my horror, rugby on Saturday was cancelled as our pitches were waterlogged and unusable. Ben and I spent the morning together, practising our pieces for the upcoming concert. When the others went shopping, Ben and I began to kiss and cuddle, and, well, one thing led to another, as the saying goes, and I ended up swallowing his sweet semen after I blew him. He wanted to return the favour, but I refused. He pouted, until I started kissing him, and quickly forgot. As we calmed down and just held each other, my mobile rang. It was my grandfather. He and my grandmother had phoned me at least once a week without fail since I moved here, and it was always good to speak to my last living family. "Hi Grandad," I said, cheerfully. "Hello David," he said in his sing-song south Wales accent. He always said my name the Welsh way- Dafydd (pronounced 'Daff-eth'). "You alright, boy?" "Yeah, I'm OK- how are you?" "Oh, fine, fine. Listen, me and your gran, we were thinking we haven't seen you for a while, and we'd like to come visit, if that's OK. Obviously we'll ask John and Stephanie too, but we wanted to know if you'd like that," he said. "That'd be great, Grandad, when did you want to come?" I said, genuinely enthusiastic. "Well, we know you've got that concert in, what, three weeks?" "Two weeks this coming Friday," I confirmed. "Well, how about we come up the Thursday before and stay till you go to school Monday morning. Then we get to see you sing and play rugby too. Sound fair?" he said. "Yeah, that'd be great," I said. "Good then. There was one other thing we wanted to do. Now if you don't want to, you don't have to, see? But me and Gran, well, we know you've got your mum's liking for opera, and we saw that they're doing 'Madame Butterfly' at the Albert Hall. That was her favourite, and we wondered if you wanted to go. You don't have to make up your mind..." "I'd love to!" I interrupted. "I love that one! I didn't know that was Mum's favourite- I thought that was 'Don Giovanni'." "Well, she liked that too, but she told people it was 'Giovanni' because she thought you and your dad would think she was soppy if she liked 'Butterfly' more, see? We knew that you and your dad wouldn't but she thought that, so she kept pretending. She loved Puccini more than Mozart though- right from when she was a girl- younger than you." I sniffed. There were tears in my eyes. I loved it when my grandparents talked about my parents- the little things no one else knew. It made me feel like, as long as we remembered them, they wouldn't really be gone. But it was still sad thinking about them- how they weren't here to tell me themselves. "I'd love that Grandad, I really would," I said. I thought for a second. "Grandad, if I paid for him, could I bring someone?" "You're not paying for anything David, this is our treat- what's the point of having a grandson if you can't spoil him, see? Of course you can bring a friend, who is it?" he said. "Ben," I said. "Oh, you're still getting along well with him then?" "Yeah," I said. If only he knew the half of it. "Are you sure he'd want to come? It's a bit heavy, don't you think?" "I'll ask him- he's right here," I said, turning to Ben, who was stretched out on my bed, looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face. "Ben, my grandparents might be coming up in a few weeks, they wanted to take me to see 'Madame Butterfly' in London. Wanna come?" "Is that the one we were listening to yesterday?" he asked. I nodded. "Are you sure, I mean, I wouldn't wanna intrude on..." "He'd love to," I said to Grandad, cutting Ben off. "Then he'd be very welcome. Listen, I'd better go, I'm cooking lunch. Gran's out, but I'll ask her to give you a ring later, and I'll talk to John and Stephanie. Love you, David." "Love you too, Grandad," I said. "Bye." "Goodbye. We're very proud of you." he said, and hung up. I sniffed a bit again- talking to either of them always made me a bit sad. Ben came up behind me and hugged me around the waist. I turned to him and hugged him back, crying a little into his glossy black hair. "Are you sure you want me to come?" he said. "Yes Ben, really sure. I want you in all of my life, I want you to be with me all the time. I want you to get to know my last living blood relatives," I said. "And I want you to see the opera. I think you'll like it. It's a bit sad- who am I kidding, it's painfully sad- but it's awesome. I've never seen it except on DVD but I really want to." "What's it about?" I thought for a second, trying to phrase the synopsis as clearly as possible. "Basically, this Yankee sailor marries this Japanese bird- Butterfly- because he wants to get his leg over while he's in Japan. She gets sort of disowned by her family because she's marrying a foreigner, but loves him so doesn't care. He doesn't love her back though, and buggers off back to his ship and America, but not before he gets her pregnant. She thinks he'll come back, but it's obvious he's not going to. Anyway, a few years later, he does come back but with a Yankee wife- who he does love. The wife's quite nice, but he's a total bastard and a coward. The wife persuades Butterfly to let them take the son she's had with the sailor back to the States, because Butterfly's a poor outcast now, and the Yanks are rich, and Butterfly agrees. Then, when everyone's gone and she's left alone, she kills herself. The sailor comes back just in time to hold her as she dies." "Oh. Sound's lovely." "It's a tragedy Ben, like Romeo and Juliet. You liked that right?" I asked. "Yeah, I suppose." "And you had to do Macbeth for English, right? You liked that, didn't you?" I pressed. "Yeah, I guess. OK, I'll give it a try." "Thanks Ben, I think you'll really like it. The music's fucking amazing. Just one thing- promise me you won't listen to the recording before we go- I want you to see 'un bel di vedremo' in the flesh the first time. And I want to see your face when you do," I asked. "OK," he said. I trusted him, but I hid the CD to be on the safe side anyway. When John and Stephanie got back, I told them about Grandad's call, and checked that the plan was OK. They agreed straight away, and thought it was terrific that I wanted Ben to go with me to the opera. Anna pouted that I hadn't invited her, but I explained how long it was and that she probably wouldn't like it, and promised to do something with her for her up-coming birthday to make up, and she seemed satisfied. John and Stephanie weren't sure how the sleeping arrangements would work- there were no spare rooms in the house- but told me not to worry about that, that they'd sort something out. They called my grandparents to confirm everything. When they had everything sorted out (and by the sound of it argued over who would pay for Ben's ticket- I gathered those things were not cheap. John had lost and seemed to agree to let my grandparents pay) I had a chat with Gran. When I got off the phone, John had come up with a plan for sleeping arrangements, and spoke to Ben and me about it. "Guys, we've had an idea," he began. "If it's not OK with you two, we'll come up with something else. We've got a double camp-bed in the loft. It's not very big and it's not very comfortable, but it should be OK. We can set it up in the study- I can do without the room for a few days. But it would be kind of hard on a couple of pensioners. So, we thought- if it's alright with you two- that... well, would you two be OK sharing that bed and letting your grandparents have your room?" Is the bear a catholic? Does the Pope take a crap in the woods? Or should that be the other way around... "Yeah, that should be OK," I said, trying to sound at least a touch reluctant to avoid suspicion. "I mean, we're used to each other now, and we don't snore, so I suppose that'd be OK." "Ben?" asked John. "No problem," he said. Even I was half-convinced by his feigned neutrality. "Good lads," John said. "It's only for a few days, so you won't have to put up with each other's stinky feet for long." If only he knew that I really liked Ben's feet, along with the rest of him, and would happily share a bed with them every night for the rest of my life... but I kept calm, and nodded nonchalantly. "You sure, Ben?" John said. Ben was actually surprisingly convincing at looking reluctant. "Yeah, it's fine." So it was settled. Everyone was hungry, so lunch was made. John was whistling as he chopped vegetables for the stir-fry. Something about the tune made me think. "What's that, Dad?" Ben asked. "Hmm?" said John. "That tune- sounds familiar." "Oh, it's an Italian song. A busker was playing it outside Tesco. It's stuck in my head now. I can't even remember what it's called," he said. I could. Have you ever had one of those truly brilliant ideas? One of those 'lightning across the brain' moments, when you suddenly come up with something out of the blue that seems so perfect that it's shocking. That little exchange had given me one of those near-epiphanies. I was locked in thought over lunch, virtually silent. Stephanie looked worried and asked if I was OK. I smiled and reassured her that I was, that I had an idea that I was thinking through, and that I'd tell all when I had the details worked out. After lunch, I emailed my old singing teacher from my last school, and asked him to send me something I had once heard him do at a school concert. Ben was doing homework, getting it out of the way for to leave half-term free, and didn't see what I was doing. Until I had this worked out, I wanted to keep this quiet- if it didn't work out, he might be disappointed, and I wanted to avoid that. My teacher (a self-confessed internet addict) got back to me inside an hour. Attached was what I had asked for. I read the lyrics and smiled to myself. This would be brilliant, if we could do it. "Ben, are you done?" I asked, not looking around. "One second... done! No more algebra for ten whole days! Woohoo! What's up?" "Come have a look at this." He came over and read the song lyrics on the screen. He laughed often. "That's genius! That's, like, Gianfranco Zola, George Lucas and JRR Tolkein sort of class. Where the hell did you get that?" "My old singing teacher did it as a duet at the summer concert last year," I explained. "He did it with the other singing teacher- a woman- and it brought the house down. We'd need to change a few of the lyrics to make it fit, but I think we could do it." "Huh?" "You and me. Together. At the concert." "You mean... solo... in front of everyone..." he looked nervous. "Hey, if you don't want to, no problem. I just thought it'd be fun for us to do. Y'know- something just for the two of us. We don't do much with just us outside the house- this could be fun. No worries, though," I said. I was actually gutted, but pretended it was fine. It had sounded so perfect in my head, but if he didn't want to do it, so be it. "Wait," he said. "You really think it would be fun?" "Having everyone thinking you sing really well and making a room full of people laugh? Rehearsing and singing with the love of my life just because we enjoy doing singing together? You bet I do!" I said. "When you put it like that... listen- fix the lyrics so it works for us, we'll try it, we'll see what Mr Andrews thinks about letting us do it, and then decide- I'll give it a try," he said. "Really?" "Yeah, it might be fun," he said. I hugged him tight, and he laughed. "You really want to do this don't you?" "Of course." "OK- fix the lyrics." I rewrote the parts that didn't make sense if we were to do it together- mainly just changing 'she' to 'he' and the like. I didn't need any talent as a lyricist (which is useful, as I have none)- it was only tweaking. When I was done, I showed Ben. He liked it. I printed off the lyrics and taught him the tune- which was easy, so he got it quickly. I showed him exactly when each of us sang and when we didn't, and then we sang it through. We had to stop a few times, because Ben was laughing to hard. Eventually we made it through without cracking up in guffaws and giggles. "That's brilliant! Let's do it!" Ben said. "You sure?" "Are you kidding? We'll bring the house down!" And that was that. Not much happened for the rest of the weekend. I played with Anna for a bit, did homework to get it out of the way, chatted with John about life in general, helped Stephanie with cooking dinner and learned how to cook a little myself, and of course spent a lot of time with Ben. The week of half-term followed. I met up with the gang to play football in the park on Monday- Ben came too, and showed himself to be a fairly good player, and I silently glowed at how well he got along with my friends. Mouse's brother Ross was there too, so it didn't look strange. Tuesday, Ben and I had decided to go to the cinema. We managed to get into 'Kingdom of Heaven', despite it being a 15 rating. I hadn't really looked forward to it, because I though Orlando Bloom was a talentless pretty boy, but Ben thought he was cute and Ridley Scott's class, so I agreed. I actually quite enjoyed it- but Bloom was as bad as feared. We couldn't get seats at the back, and the cinema was fairly full, so we didn't get too cosy, but it was good just to spend time with him. We had a big rehearsal later in the week in anticipation of the upcoming concert. We were doing pretty well, but needed the extra work. Afterwards, Ben and I went up to Bumble to tell him about our idea. He naturally wanted to proof the lyrics to check they were suitable for a school concert, but as he chuckled his way through them, he approved them. He wanted to hear us, so we sang it cold for him. "Capital, chaps, tip-top," he said. "You get the official 'Bumble Seal of Approval'." We tried to look ignorant of the name and failed spectacularly. So we were all set. The remaining two weeks of school seemed to drag past- I had three big things to look forward to, and time always seems to slow down when you want something to arrive. I was having lunch at the cafe with Alex one day when I sighed in frustration at still having over a week to wait. "What's up?" he asked. "Nothing," I said. "Well, not much- I just can't wait for the end of next week." "Concert?" he said through a mouthful of bacon sandwich. "Yeah," I said. "It's not that big a deal, is it?" "There's a surprise item we're doing- me and Ben," I said. "And I just like singing. There's two other things as well- my grandparents are coming up, and I haven't seen them since I got here, and they're taking me and Ben to the opera." "Lucky boy," he said. "I wouldn't tell the others though- they will take the piss! We're too young to like that sort of thing, in their eyes. Well, maybe not Dan, but he's special." I laughed. "I would hope so too, if you go all calf-eyed like that every time you mention him!" He blushed. "Yeah, he is," he said simply. He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment while chewing the last of his lunch. "You're different now, you know?" "Huh?" "When you first arrived, you looked down so often. Lost, almost. Now you seem much happier- almost genuinely happy. You look down for the first time in a week or two and it's because you're looking forward to something and impatient for it to arrive- not remembering something sad. When was the last time you looked forward to something?" I thought. Alex was right. "Christmas, probably. When... when they were still alive." I thought for a few seconds. "It still hurts, y'know? All the time. And I still feel a bit thrown around by everything. But I'm starting to feel normal in myself- I'm OK, there's just this thing which hurts. Before it was me that hurt, and a few things would make me feel normal for a bit. Does that make sense?" "Sort of. If I got that right, you've got this thing which hurts- like having a bad cut or a broken leg or whatever- but you yourself are OK. Before, it was like being really ill- hurting all over, and feeling rough inside- and some things would help for a bit- like taking a pill that took the edge off. Is that what you mean?" Alex said. "That's about right, yeah." There was a lump in my throat. I didn't really want to talk about it anymore. "So how are you? How are 'youandDan'?" He smiled broadly. "Awesome. We see each other all the time. His parents don't even mind us sleeping over some nights during the week, as long as we do our homework straight away. I do that anyway. They don't know what's going on, of course. We're playing together at the concert too. It's fucking amazing." He leaned in close. "I haven't told him yet- I'm gonna wait until the concert- but I love him." "Wow. Alex, I'm really glad. He'd better be good to you though- I'll kill him if he hurts you." Alex looked a bit choked, and we broke off the 'deep and meaningful' to talk about what we'd seen on telly instead. That weekend marked over two weeks since me and Ben had our huge row. I had given up smoking as promised, had been open about everything since, and everything was peachy. We were happy and in love again. Sex was not back to normal though. It was far less frequent, and usually just me blowing him. I'd been desperate once or twice (and the rest) and resorted to 'Jill', but Ben was getting pissed off. Things finally came to a head on Saturday morning. Rugby had, once again, been called off due to a waterlogged pitch- rain not snow this time, at least- and we planned to have a lie-in. I had a dream overnight. Ben and I were kissing in the kitchen. Suddenly, he threw me onto the table with impossible strength, ripped off my clothes, was suddenly naked himself, and proceeded to impale himself on my cock. I suddenly woke up, feelings of pleasure covering my now-alert body. I realised I had had a wet dream- right on Ben's stomach. He was already awake. "Oh for fuck's sake, Davey," he said. He had taken to calling me that as a diminutive- I hated 'Dave', but I liked it when he called me that instead. "This is silly- can't we just go back to the way we were before? I know for sure now- you've made it clear in so many ways. And I really miss you!" "I've missed you too," I said honestly, still recovering slightly from my nocturnal expression. "But this is so important. I can't think of life without you now. Look, you want me to be honest with you, right?" "Yeah, you know I do." "OK, well here goes," I said, taking a deep breath. "Ben, I love you. I didn't know what that meant before. You're all I think of. No matter how much I'm having fun with my friends, I wish I was alone with you. After... after what happened... before... you know what I mean." "Before your parents were killed," he said. He had a look of unbearable sadness on his face. That wasn't right- it was supposed to be me that felt the way he looked. "Yeah, before that... I still can't quite say it. But since then, it's been tough, you know? I'm not asking for sympathy, but it's been... really shit, actually. Since then, there's been a few things that have kept me going- even when it felt like it was too hard. My grandparents, John, Stephanie, Anna, Alex and the others. But more than anyone or anything, it's been you. I don't know what I'd've done without you, Ben. When you've just held me and let me know you're there. When you've told me you're not leaving. When you've said you want to be near me just to make me feel better. I... I don't know if I could have made it without you. And I hurt you- and I never want to do that again. I'd do anything to keep you near, to make you as happy as you've made me. And if... if the stuff we did together broke us up, I'd never forgive myself. I can do without that stuff- I need you," I finished. I swallowed and tried to work moisture into my dry mouth. I hoped that had come out as I meant it. "And I need you- and I want to go back to how it was. I miss that- I want to feel that close to you again. Please? If it feels wrong, I'll tell you to stop, straight away. Please? For me," Ben said, looking right into my eyes. I couldn't turn down Ben when he looked at me like that. I nodded. Ben smiled a mischievous smile, and leaned in and kissed me. He rolled me onto my back and lay on top of me. His cock was hard as steel and prodding me insistently. Our kiss became more passionate, and our hands began to roam over each other's naked form. His warmth and the touch of his skin, and his hands on my body began to arouse me rapidly, even though I'd only just had a wet dream. I was rapidly as hard as he was. Ben began to slide down my body, kissing as he went, and I gently lifted his face to tell him he didn't have to do this, but he batted my hands away and gave me a look that was half playful lust and half annoyance, and I submitted. He took me into his mouth and began to suck me hard. God, but I'd forgotten how good that felt! He bobbed up and down, slicking my rod thoroughly and fondling my testicles and perineum with his hands. He withdrew before I got too excited, and squatted above me, and before I knew it, he had lowered himself onto my cock- my wet dream come true! I supported his weight with my hands on his hips, and I let him do the work at first, before I involuntarily began to thrust in response to meet him, and jacked him off as he rose up and down. We managed to keep our volume down for once, as the others were in the house. Quickly I felt myself rise towards orgasm, and speeded up my ministrations of Ben. He arched his back and held his breath to keep from crying out and came, spraying all over my chest and belly. His arse clamped down hard on my pistoning prick and drove me over the edge, and I shot my load deep inside him. He collapsed on top of me and my now-softening cock slipped from his arse. "Worth the wait?" he grinned at me. "Oh, hell yeah!" I gasped, exhausted. And that was the last part of our relationship fixed. Sex resumed it's previous place in our life, but now it seemed even more special- more perfect, more complete. Almost like the break had reinforced our love for each other and the pure joy our lovemaking brought. If you will forgive the Korn quote, life was peachy. The days passed. My grandparents came up, and it was great to see them again. They took us to the opera and it was as brilliant as I'd hoped. Ben got quite bored at times, but the look on his face when Butterfly sang 'un bel di vedremo' was more than worth it. He loved it! The concert was fantastic. We didn't do too badly as a choir. Alex and Dan did their duet brilliantly, and Dan did a solo piece after which brought tears to the eyes (Beethoven's Moonlight sonata). Ben and I did our duet- a version of 'Funiculi, Funicula' with the lyrics changed to be a happy young boy singing of the joys of life in verses one and three while for verses two and four I sang the part of a grumpy conductor on the funicular railway complaining about the misconduct of the passengers (using the flush in the station, 'heavy petting' on the ride, drunkenness and the like). It wasn't as well received as I'd hoped, but there was plenty of laughter (particularly from Martin, Mouse and Jason, who were there as promised) and both Ben and I had a blast. I looked across at him as we sang the last chorus in unison, and the sound of his beautiful voice, the handsomeness of his face and the love I felt for him made me realise that life could continue- that I could be happy again. They say every cloud has a silver lining. I don't know about that, but Alex found his in Dan, and I found mine in Ben. I told him that night- "Ben, I love you. You are my silver lining." THE END Epilogue "Some think the world is made for fun and frolic, and so do I! Some think it well to be all melancholic, to pine and sigh. But I, I love to spend my time in singing some joyous song. To set the air with music bravely ringing is far from wrong!" This happened nearly four years ago. This is for those of you who want to know what happened to the people in this tale- they were, and still are, very dear to me. Martin did pretty well at school, and left with good enough grades to go to Warwick University, studying English- more for the carouse than the education. He's became a bit of a player in the last few years, and has had a string of girlfriends. He's single at the moment. I call him often and see him every time he comes home. Mouse had trials at Saracens to become a professional rugby player. He was seen as a real talent and a career in the game seemed likely before a bad knee injury a few months ago ended that dream. He's going to uni next year to study German, hoping to become a teacher when he leaves. I see him all the time, and he's still one of my best mates. He's still dating the girl from he was with in Year 10- he's totally devoted to her- and I have a suspicion he may be the first of us to tie the knot. Jason fulfilled his promise of getting a plethora of tattoos. He's at Bristol to studying biology, and has no idea what he plans to do after. He's still single- he had one girlfriend when he was seventeen, and it looked like the real deal, but the bitch cheated on him and broke his heart. It took us months to put him back together, and he's waiting for the right girl before jumping headlong into another relationship. He's a bit hard to keep in contact with- too much partying- but when he comes back in the holidays we always meet up with him. Malcolm Matthews, the one-time least popular boy in school, disappeared shortly after the start of year 12. It turned out he'd had a particularly vile bout of glandular fever. When he returned to school he was a dramatically changed young man. He apologised to Alex profusely for how he had treated him and the two surprisingly have become quite good friends. Dan's at medical school at Imperial in London, and is, by all accounts, excelling. Alex is at King's in London studying history, and is probably doing even better than Dan. Those two are so clever it makes me sick sometimes. Alex and Dan broke up after nearly a year together. Then got back together. Then broke up. Then got back together. They broke up again (this break-up was about two years ago) and dated other guys (Alex turned into a bit of a man-whore for a while- Dan gave him the confidence to seduce anything with a Y chromosome) but eventually realised they were still in love with each other and reunited after nearly a year apart. They're still together- for now, at least. Dan's changed a lot- he's much more opinionated and has his own interests and tries knew things. He's (and I cannot believe I'm writing this) 'found himself' as he puts it- and he mainly thanks Alex for that. They argue all the time (and irritate the hell out of everyone who knows them) but then have terrific make-up sex that keeps all their neighbours in student halls awake. I have a feeling this relationship will go one of two ways- either they'll have the worst break up since time began or they'll be together for years. They seem to spend half their time miserable as sin and the other half deliriously happy. I get to listen to Alex moan, and for some reason Ben gets Dan's moaning. Those two hit it off big time and are as nearly as good friends as me and Alex. Both Dan and Alex know if they try and get us to take sides in their rows, they get no more shoulders to cry on, so they don't bother. Alex barely goes home any more- even though Charlie straightened herself out, he wants as little as possible to do with his aunt or cousin. Can't say I blame him. Dan's still very close to his family. There were some terrible ructions when he first came out, but eventually most of them accepted it. His sister disowned him though, and they don't speak. I hope they sort that out- it cuts Dan to ribbons. Anna's growing up to be a striking young lady and already has a string of admirers. She pretends disinterest but I think she's loving it, but she's not dating yet- she's not yet twelve. Any boy comes near her, and they get me and Ben beating them back. For now, she lets us, but I think we're going to have to back off soon- she's beginning to return some of the longing looks. Our baby sister (as she is now- which is a bit weird, I grant you, but it works somehow) is growing up. I love her dearly, and we're close. She feels she can talk to me, which makes me feel so happy, but in truth it's Ben who she's closest to- which is as it should be. John and Stephanie are barely changed. They've both got promoted a little and have a few more grey hairs and they're still amazing. I love them to bits, and go back to see them as often as I can. They were my rocks when I needed them, and have been ever since. I still miss my parents, but I can still love John and Stephanie without them taking my parents' place. Ben is sixteen, and has become the most beautiful man you will ever see. His raven hair and dark eyes have captivated my soul since that first day. He remains the only person I have ever loved, and the only person I have ever made love to. We're still together. Oh, we've had our fair share of fights- I went ballistic when Stephanie grounded him for smoking when he'd given me so much grief over the same thing, and he was kissed by another boy and Ben let him when he was drunk at a party last year, but after a week or two's work we sorted things out, and I forgave him. He was really pissed when I went on holiday last summer with my friends (including both Alex and Dan) but we worked it out- John bailed me out by telling Ben there was no way he would let him go to Mallorca on the lash with my friends anyway. I love him more than I can say. We came out to his folks shortly after he turned sixteen, but it turned out both of them and even Anna had realised we were together a couple months before (we left out exactly how long we had been together, and I don't think they know, which is how it will stay) and they were all okay with it- although we still get the sense John secretly wants grandchildren with his surname. There's some frostiness as a result between Ben and John which I find very upsetting, but John tries his hardest to hide his disappointment and acts as loving and fatherly to both of us as he can. I suppose that's all we can ask- that he knows what's right and tries to believe it, even if in his heart he wishes his son was something he isn't. Ben got his wish of becoming a tenor when his voice broke, and is as outstanding as I predicted. He's studying to try for a place at the Royal Academy of Music when he finishes school, but for now is doing nearly as well as Alex and Dan did academically. He's so clever, so talented, and he's mine- and I'm his. Things are a bit harder now we're not living together. After nearly four years together every day, I left home to go to uni in London- King's, like Alex- studying English, and playing rugby and singing in my spare time. I come home every weekend and one evening mid-week and Ben comes down to see me whenever he can, and during holidays we're virtually inseparable. It's hard being away from him for the few days we're not together, but I have hope for the future. We're making plans. He's got a year and a half left at school, and at roughly that time my full inheritance comes through. If he can't get a place in a London music college (or if by some injustice he doesn't get a place in music college at all, university), he'll take a gap year and stay with me for my last year of uni, then we'll set up wherever he's going to be. I'd go anywhere with him. And what will I be doing then? I thought you'd have guessed. I want to become an author. David Jones. So ends 'Silver lining'. This was the tale of a boy who went through tragedy but found happiness on the other side, and of a boy with a solitary life who found love and friendship. I do not wish this to become a crappy melodrama, so I have no intention of contriving plot twists to continue it at the risk of it becoming just that. I also have new projects I want to concentrate on, and wanted David and Alex to finish their tale properly rather than just leave it unfinished. It's been a long journey- if you've made it this far, I thank you so very deeply. Keep an eye out for my next project, 'One Fine Day'. Xenophon. Feedback, comments and suggestions are always welcome and greatly appreciated. I can be emailed at xenophon66@hotmail.co.uk