Date: Tue, 23 Dec 2014 05:20:31 -0500 From: Koshka Subject: South Of The Country, West Of The Sun Don't read this if it offends you. Don't read this if it is illegal to do so. Some of this is fictional. Some of this is autobiographical. I'm happy for any and all mail - questions, comments, critiques. English isn't my first or even my second language, so be kind. Enjoy! ***** It must have been close to midnight, because I could hear the gravel crunching beneath the wheels of Max' parents' car. They always went midnight bowling at the local bowling alley on Fridays. "I thought they'd never leave." That Max was something more than just what met the eye is something I knew five minutes into meeting him for the first time. The iron blue coldness of his eyes, the warm bronze of his skin and the palpable athleticism beneath, absolutely everything about him enchanted me. But it was his voice, still lost somewhere between boyhood and manhood but possessed of such an absolute depth, that enchanted me most of all. "You ready?" he asked, voice already full of lust. He turned to face me, but I couldn't look him in the eye. I dropped my gaze to my bare feet and nodded. We killed the television and left the living room behind. It was a short walk up the stairs and down the hallway to his room, but somehow it felt longer. Something internal seemed to resist every step, but I kept taking them. I followed behind Max, stared in his mess of sandy brown hair and wondered what it - what anything - would look like by the time we were through. But almost as that thought was born, we'd arrived in his room. "Here we are." He walked over to his bed and sat down. His room was comparatively small for as large as his family's house was. The lights were off and the window shades were already drawn, which should have comforted me some, but it didn't. I took a step forward, but he stopped me. "Wait, stay right there! I want to watch you get undressed", he whispered, although we were alone. "Do it slowly." As if I could do it any other way, my hands trembling as they were. I had only just turned thirteen and nobody had ever even seen me in my underwear before, much less nude. I pulled my oversized tank top over my head, threw it haphazardly to the floor and couldn't help but shiver as cool air hit my skin. I felt his eyes on me, I felt his anticipation. It was unbearable. "Keep going." I took a breath and bit my bottom lip. My thoughts were racing. Did he think that I was too skinny? Too pale? I'd have given anything to be able to read his mind, his cognition was safely hidden behind those ever-calm eyes, as always. My thumbs slung beneath the waistband of my shorts - the short black ones I'd worn to soccer practice just that morning - and in one easy motion, dropped them to my ankles. I kicked them away into the corner and resisted the urge to make a sound or tremble any more than I already was. Max' breathing had gotten heavier; I could hear it now, the only sound in his otherwise empty room. When I'd woken up and gotten dressed that morning, I'd decided thoughtlessly on a small pair of trunks from H&M, crimson red with white stripes. As I stood there in nothing but that tiny pair of underwear, I wished that I'd chosen something more... I wasn't even sure, adult? More mature, at least. Something I might not have felt so much smaller than him in. But I was smaller than Max, there was no denying that. He was a senior in the high school while I was just an eighth grader. He was tall and athletic while I was short and skinny. As I stood there in nothing but that tiny pair of underwear, all those aspects of his physique that had attracted me to him in the first place now served only to fill me with insecurities and inadequacies. "The underwear too", he urged me on. I'd become accustomed to the sound of lust in his voice whenever he and I would sneak away into hidden corners of the school or the woods behind his house for secret kisses, but never had his voice been so husky. "I d-don't... I don't know i-if I can" I mumbled. My eyes were fixed on my toes and my whole body was trembling now. It was all I could do not to cry, but I didn't think I'd be able to resist even that for much longer if he kept me this way. Max rose to his feet, walked until his body was hardly an inch from mine. I couldn't have wanted anything more at that moment than to fall against him and squeeze his hard body with all the strength in my arms, but I kept myself upright. "Don't be afraid", he whispered into my ear. His lips brushed my earlobe so tenderly as he spoke. "You're safe. I'm not gonna' hurt you." "I know". His hands found their way to my hips and once again my teeth sunk into my bottom lip. I struggled to keep control of my breathing. The first tear broke free and slid down my cheek, but I kept myself from crying. "You have to relax Vik." His hands slid so slowly, so softly up my ribs and over my back, only to find their way back to my hips again. I rested my face in that familiar groove between his neck and those broad shoulders. There wasn't a place in the world I felt safer, but even that did little to quell the hurricane spinning in my stomach. "I know, I know. But... I don't think I can..." "Just let me take the lead." "I-I don't know, Max. I don't ---" He shushed me, ran one of his hands through my long, dark mess of hair the way he knew I loved. I had to purr and press quiet kisses into his neck, collarbone, anywhere my lips could reach. A feather-soft moan filled my mouth when his lips connected with mine suddenly. We kissed, kissed, kissed and my skin crackled with the same electricity it had a few months ago when he'd given me that first kiss. I leaned into him, felt the dry warmth of his hands moving up my back. We'd broken inertia; if there had been any last chance to turn back, it was gone now. He broke our kiss, his lips brushed my earlobe again. "It's time, beautiful." "Don't call me that", I mumbled bashfully. If the room weren't dead silent, he probably wouldn't have heard me. "You are beautiful", he whispered again. Then his teeth bit playfully into my earlobe and a sound, frightened and excited and high-pitched, escaped me. He pulled off his raglan and chucked it elsewhere. There it all was: the full chest, the broad shoulders, the golden skin that always smelled of summer sunshine regardless of the season. I'd seen maybe a handful of older guys with better physiques, but Max' was the only one that could ever make me feel this way - so safe and secure yet so helpless and vulnerable - and I still hadn't been able to figure out why that was. Perhaps because of the beatings I'd witnessed him give the guys he caught bullying me and knew the violence that body was capable of. Perhaps because of the tenderness those same powerful muscles had held me with in secluded places so often in the year I'd known him. Or perhaps it was because I'd come to consider that wildly beautiful body as my own and in doing so had exercised a level of self-confidence I'd never before been capable of. Max' arms crisscrossed my torso and his hands slid down my sides so slowly. Fear and desire ran through my bloodsteam like poison, so overwhelming that it felt like vertigo. The handful of seconds it took them to pass my hips were the longest of my life until that point. I whimpered as they took hold of my underwear's soft fabric. My legs were too weak to keep me upright; I leaned my back into the muscles of his torso and felt myself drown beneath the wave of dizziness that washed over me as he pulled my underwear off of my hips and let it fall to my ankles. For the first time, I was nude in front of another person. I had never felt more exposed in my entire life and suddenly I was very cold. Max had stepped away. "You are so goddamn beautiful, Vik." My cheeks burned. I wrapped my arms around my belly and stood shivering exactly where I'd been told to stand. My hair hung in messy waves about my face and shoulders and tears stung my eyes, though I couldn't establish their cause. I had never been harder in my life. Max circled me, occasionally ran his fingertips along my belly, thighs, ass, back, chest, face, always gingerly as if I were a porcelain doll he was afraid of breaking. A tiny whine escaped my lips when those fingertips danced over the silky taut skin between my legs. "You're so, so white and smooth, like an angel. Goddamn you are beautiful." "S-Shut up." "Guess it's my turn, huh?" I nodded speechlessly. Without wasting another word, he undid his belt buckle, let the jeans and boxers he was wearing drop, kicked them away. My eyes went wide and I gasped. Between my legs was a small, extremely hard bit of flesh, slender and pale and porcelain-smooth. But his hardness was like one out of the videos he'd sent me over email, long and thick with veins and hair and an enormous swollen head. There would be no more speaking between the two of us until long after we were finished. Max pressed into a kiss and swept me into his bed, where we would kiss and sweat and explore one another until the hunger between us became too much to endure. On my back, I would whimper with that intoxicating mix of helplessness and desire as he spread my legs apart. We had no condoms, not even any lubricant beyond the half-empty jar of Vaseline he kept in the nightstand by his bedside, but that would be enough. As he pinned my arms over my head, pressed me tightly between the mattress and the muscles of his stomach and chest and pushed himself deep, so impossibly deep inside of me, tears would stain my cheeks and I would scream from the agony of being split in two. "You wanted this", he whispered into my ear. He pressed a kiss to my lips and then his hips began to move. That night I would experience the greatest pain I'd ever felt in my entire life. The tempo of his thrusts only grew faster, harder, never slowed or softened. I moaned and screamed, whimpered and cried as pain gave way to something so much deeper and more powerful. Pleasure bloomed from somewhere inside of my belly. Soon my legs were wound about his waist and my nails sinking into his back. His teeth marred my unblemished white skin, left wine-dark stains along my neck and shoulder. Before that night, I had pleasured myself on occasion, maybe as many times as I had fingers on both hands, maybe a few more even. And I'd thought that I'd known what to expect - I'd seen all the videos, after all. But nothing could have prepared me for the heights of ecstacy Max would bring me to before he finally groaned and emptied himself into my belly. My whole world burned up in an instant of blinding light. And then everything was consumed by darkness.