Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1998 22:51:41 EDT From: Daspnkr@aol.com Subject: Steve I have always felt outside of the mainstream, never "one of the guys." But it wasn't until I fell in love with Steve that I knew why I was different. Steve was everything I wanted to be. Where I was homely, Steve was beautiful. I was always the last chosen for the team, Steve the first. I was painfully shy, Steve was outgoing to the point of rowdiness. * 4th GRADE I have known Steve since kindergarten. I am not really his "friend," but I am at least on the edge of his sphere of influence. We are both in Trail Blazers, and go camping with our dad's. I relish our hikes. It is our time alone together. Sometimes, we will climb to the top of a cliff overlooking a waterfall and have pissing contests. Being bigger than me, Steve always wins. I look over at his penis, hairless but a little bigger than mine. Oh God, he is beautiful. We zip up & head back to the cabin. Walking back, he puts his arm around my shoulder and calls me "Speedy," my pet name because I am the slowest runner in the class. Steve is completely uninhibited. When we are in the bathroom (there are no doors on the stalls), he sits on the toilet and shits right in front of me. He does not seem embarrassed or uncomfortable as I watch him wipe himself. If only I could be so open! Back at school, I am just part of his entourage. At my school, there are two classes for each grade. That summer, I learn that Steve will be in the other class for the fifth grade. Ashamedly crying that night, I wonder if he knows how deeply I feel for him. Do I even enter his thoughts when I am not around? * 5th GRADE HELL * 6th GRADE We are in the same class again. The hormones of puberty are beginning to affect Steve and he is increasingly rowdy & quick tempered. One spring day, we are playing soccer outside for gym. Ron, a member of the opposing team, trips Steve & he blows his top. "You Goddamn fuckin' bitch ass," he says to Ron. A fight ensues. A crowd forms & a chant arises. "BEEF! BEEF! BEEF!" I begin to feel sick at the violence in the air. It seems to take forever for the teachers to respond. Finally, they separate the fighting boys. It's over. Steve has thoroughly "creamed" Ron. I notice his hands are covered in blood, Ron's blood. * 7th GRADE - Junior High Now, we have schedules to keep up with. But that is the least of my concerns, for my parents are in the midst of a bitter divorce, and I am the prize. I am once again the outsider in school. Students from several elementary schools fill this new 7th grade, and I am largely surrounded by strangers. Steve is one of my few friends, but I don't discuss my feelings with him, or anyone. I don't want to look weak. Sometimes, when no one is around, he will put his arm around my shoulder. In December, he & Jeff, another friend from school, spend the night at my place. We were all in the family room downstairs. My mother went to bed around 10:30. Around midnight, things began to get rowdy when, as I was leaving the bathroom, I got "pants'd." The three of us got into a "pantsing" contest and before long we were all naked and comparing equipment. My penis was still kid size, but I had a little pubic hair; Jeff was hairless and small; Steve was HUGE--a fully grown man in a twelve year old's body. Steve was the center of attention, which was how he liked it. We all went into the bathroom, Steve was the instigator that night. I was timid, much to my present day regret. Jeff pretty much watched, while Steve asked to blow me. I would not let him because he was wearing braces & I was afraid that he would shred my penis! I would not blow him because I was afraid he would pee in my mouth. Today, I would love to have him piss in my mouth, but at that time I was controlled by my fears. Steve started daring Jeff, and when Jeff consented, they asked me to leave. I should have refused, after all it was my house, but I was too nervous to make waves. TRUTH OR DARE It is getting late, about 2am, and we are all crammed onto the pullout bed. We start playing "truth or dare." We all dare each-other to take our clothes off. I dare Steve to go to the picture window and flash the next car that drives by. We follow him into the living room. Steve is semi-erect, and as a car drives by, he runs to the window and throws his arms into the air. Suddenly, his dick bounces against the window with a resounding "thud." He starts cackling maniacally and we all run back into the family room. Back on the sofa, we resume playing truth or dare. Steve asks me if I have ever jacked off, I answer in the negative, truthfully. Neither has Jeff. Deciding to show us, Steve lays on his back in between Jeff & me. "Get me some Kleenex," Steve orders. Placing two tissues over his pubic hair, he begins to stroke his already hickory hard dick. "Wanna try?" Steve asks, inviting us to stroke his dick. Jeff & I both feel his dick, already dripping with pre-cum. Jeff interjects, "I've read in books that this sort of thing is normal." Who cares, I think, this is what I have always wanted. Steve is getting close, grunting, "I can feel it coming, I can feel it coming." Then, soundlessly, Steve ejaculates right onto the Kleenex. "Man, that was cool," is all I can think of to say. We drift off to sleep. The sound of my mother making breakfast in the kitchen awaked the three of us. I looked over at Steve, the boy of my dreams and reality. He mouthed to me, "I'm naked!" Shit! Still in our sleeping bags we started rooting around for our briefs. Suddenly, Steve's sleeping bag slipped down to his thighs, his boner bouncing out. He pulled the bag up quickly, found his underwear, and put it on. The three of us went into the kitchen & started eating our cereal. "My, you kids were so quiet last night, no problems at all." Looking at Steve & Jeff, I made my "duh" face, screwing my index finger into my cheek. We all had to stifle our giggling. MORE FUN WITH STEVE Our late night encounter loosened up Steve even more. Now at every opportunity, he would whip out his dick. I had made a Superman costume, and Steve would put it on sometimes. (This was 1979, and that wonderful film was very popular with us kids.) Taking off his underwear, he was already hard. "Touch it," he whispered. Naturally I obliged. It was so thick, I could hardly get my hand all the way around it. Another time, I was at his house, in his bedroom. It was a hot summer day, and Steve's family did not have air conditioning. Steve was asking me all sorts of detailed questions about my parents divorce, trying to draw my pain out so he could take it onto himself. Putting his arm around my shoulder, he murmured, "Man, I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?" I don't know how it came into my mind, but I needed to see it one last time. "Can you jack off for me?" Wordlessly, he got up and locked the door, and grabbed some Kleenex. Laying on the floor, his unzipped his jeans and pulled them down to his thighs. Steve was already hard. As I watched, my jeans also pulled down, he started stroking himself. It didn't take long. "I'm gettin' close, oh man, put your arm around my shoulder." I did as I was asked. "Kiss my neck," I moved my lips toward his neck, and suddenly, he turned his head and placed his lips on mine, putting his tongue into my mouth. I did not resist. He came silently, cleaned himself up, and pulled his pants back on. I laid my head on his chest. I had never been so content. The following week, I moved to California. I never saw Steve again.