Pre(r)amble

Before there was Nifty and ASSGM, there was Straight to Hell: The Manhattan Review of Cocksucking, edited by the Reverend Boyd McDonald. These "true homosexual experiences" were originally published as pamphlet-like magazines, and I imagine that today they would be collectors' items. But there are 13 or so volumes of books with provocative titles like Flesh, Meat and Juice that can still be purchased and which offer an alternative to this wonderful on-line medium.

The stories were sometimes poorly written. Grammatical errors were left in, and there was never an attempt to edit them so they'd make better sense. This added to their raw appeal. I liked them because there were many first time and younger experiences.

I submitted several chapters from my own sexual autobiography, and the first parts actually appeared in Scum. It was the last issue edited by Boyd, who died that same year. The other pieces I'd sent him were never published - I have no idea where they ended up. I regrettably did not keep written copies, and as this was the early nineties, it was several hard disks ago and they are now lost.

What follows is true. The names have not been changed to protect anyone's innocence. I have enhanced them to avoid copyright problems. If there is interest, I will post others.

Jerome

It was in France that I put a cock in my mouth for the first time.

In 1976, when I was 16, I spent a year abroad as a foreign exchange student in France, where I attended high school and lived with a French family.

The people I stayed with were a big, Catholic family. There were 7 kids, aged 7 to 25. Unfortunately for me, except for an older son who had long moved out, they were all girls. I say "unfortunately" because, you see, by the age of 16, I fully understood I was gay and, what was worse, that I had a perverse interest in younger boys. I had stopped eyeing my own friends only to turn my attention to my brother's friends and then eventually lost interest in them as well. Soon I was spying on the younger boys in the neighborhood. I didn't know at that age that there was a name for it.

Things changed though when I was introduced to their cousin.

Jerome was 11 1/2. I thought he was pretty cute - he had a small, compact body, brown eyes, and brown hair that stuck out in all directions no matter how many times it was combed. He had a reputation for being a trouble maker.

Sex started rather quickly, perhaps the second time we met, over a silly game involving a toy. We were in my room, where Jerome and I were sitting on the bed. He started tossing a toy up and down - I think it was a Smurf - and I caught the toy and put it down his shirt. He then took it and put it down mine. This was repeated a couple of times until I decided to make the giant leap and stick it down his pants. His pants were too tight to shove it down very far; half stuck out.

Before he could retaliate, I took it from his hand and once more forced it down his corduroys. (I can still remember these pants - they were green and hugged his thighs and butt.) He didn't protest. Instead, he began giggling.

I recall saying, "Let's do this right" and unzipped them and stuck the Smurf into his underwear. Again I grabbed the toy before he could and pulled back his underwear, but this time to get a good look at his cock. It was hard and sticking straight up. I started to feel it and forgot about the Smurf. At this point, I don't remember if there was any conversation. Probably not.

I was fascinated by his hard dick. It had been about three years since I had touched one, and this was the first uncircumcised cock I had ever seen up close. I had noticed a couple in the showers at school but at the time couldn't quite figure out the difference.

His was about 3 inches long and very thin, absolutely no pubic hair, and the foreskin covered the head. I tried to peel back the skin to expose the pink head trying to peak through the tight flap. He said it hurt, so I stopped.

He sat passively on the bed while I rubbed his dick up and down. My own hardon was uncomfortable and leaking. I wanted to take it out and show him. There was a backlog of desire demanding release. But anyone could have walked in. It was just too risky, and as this was only the second or third time we'd seen each other since I'd moved in with his aunt and uncle, I didn't want to go too fast. I decided to play it safe. I let his underwear snap back, and he zipped up his pants.

The next opportunity we had to fool around was during Christmas vacation. I was invited skiing with some of the girls, as well as Jerome and his younger sister Charlotte. We stayed at Jerome's parents' one-room condo.

Since I was so big (I reached my full height of 6"4' at age 15), I was given the larger double bed. Beds were scarce, and as Jerome was the only other male, it was decided that we would sleep together. It was too good to be true.

The first night, once we were in our pajamas and the lights were turned off, Jerome didn't waste any time in asking if I remembered our "game" and if "I had anything to use." I don't remember what I found - perhaps a sock - but I do recall putting the object into his pajamas and feeling his cock as I did so. It was rigid. He stuck his hand down my pajamas and felt mine too. His hand barely fit around my eight-inch hard on. The sock pretext was soon forgotten, and we got down to the business of quietly feeling each others' dicks and balls. I wanted to pull him closer to me. Shit, here I was, a horny 16 year old with a horny, sexy 11 year old who needed no encouraging.

He then asked if there was "anything else we could do." I thought "now or never" and stuck my head under the covers, peeled his pajamas down to his thighs and sucked his dick right into my mouth. I was able to swallow his 3-inch shaft and balls at the same time. They didn't taste like anything.

It was at that moment that I realized that sucking this hairless, uncircumcised dick was exactly what I had always wanted to do. I came up for air and asked him if he wanted me to continue. (There were other people sleeping in the same room, so we were whispering. We assumed they were asleep.)

Of course he said yes. He told me to take my pajamas off, then to remove his. Once we were completely naked, I went below the covers again and sucked him for probably 30 minutes before he finally told me to stop. I wasn't sure if he had cum, nor would I ever know. It wasn't until I was older and had read several books and had known other boys that I learned about dry orgasms, and on boys younger than he.

I didn't dare beat off in bed with the others so close by. It was a very frustrating situation.

Every night that week we stripped naked and I happily and very willingly sucked his dick and balls. I once asked him to stick his mouth on my dick. To my delight his head disappeared under the covers. His mouth was so tiny and my dick head so large and inflamed it barely fit. I felt his lips circle around the head and his tongue dart across the tip - but then he took his mouth off. It was just too big. And I'm sure he preferred having me suck him rather than suck me. I didn't mind.

There is a picture I still have that someone took of us sleeping in bed, our arms wrapped around each other (wearing pajamas, of course). I guess it must have seemed like a "real cute" photo. If they only knew.

During that week we also took long baths together. I had observed that nine-year-old Charlotte had taken a bath with one of her older cousins. I didn't see why we couldn't either. When I asked Jerome, he was all for it. After spending the day skiing, we slipped into a warm bath together. Others were just beyond the door, so we never attempted any fooling around. We read comic books and scrubbed each other with soap and a washcloth. Simply doing this with a naked boy was wonderful enough. One time after we had gotten out and were standing there drying each other off with the same towel (me with my perpetual hard on, he soft), I felt a warm trickle on my leg then heard him giggle. He had started peeing on me. I pinched the tip of his foreskin to stop the flow of piss and could see it swell. I led him to the toilet by his foreskin and then let go: the piss gushed into the toilet bowl in a single spurt.

Too soon his parents arrived, and the girls and I returned home.

The next time we got together was soon after the ski trip, when he spent the night at the house. I waited until midnight, when everyone had gone to sleep. I still remember creeping down the stone steps from the second floor with a flashlight. I felt way down the hall to the room where I knew he was sleeping. The door was ajar. I quietly walked in and knelt beside his bed.

"Jerome," I whispered into his ear, gently shaking his shoulder to wake him up.

"What?" he asked, very groggy. I began rubbing his penis through his pajamas. It soon grew hard.

"Come to my room," I whispered back.

At first he wanted me to suck him off then and there, but he was sharing the room with a cousin, and it just seemed too risky. He finally follow me upstairs.

Once in my room, he lay on the bed and told me to strip off his pajamas. I first slipped off his top, then the bottoms. His cock was already hard and sticking straight up. I took mine off too, and we were both completely naked.

"Brrr, it's cold," he said. "Let's get under the blanket."

Once under the blanket, he lay on top of me. I ran my hands across his shoulders, down his back and then over his butt. The skin was so smooth. Our dicks were grinding together.

"Pretend I am the woman," he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Pretend I am the woman."

"What do you mean?"

He wanted me to lie on top of him, to feel my full weight push him into the mattress. He wrapped his arms around my back and held me tightly. He grabbed my ass and pushed upwards, crushing our dicks together.

"Let's kiss," he proposed, but he would not let me stick my tongue into his mouth. All he wanted to do was press lips together.

He also asked me to "say some words" - I guess he wanted romance, but I was not interested in "words." All I cared about was running my tongue over his tight body and sucking his velvety balls and stiff cock.

His hot little hands feverishly stroked up and down my hard on. I finished the job - he was interested in my ability to cum but at the same time I think he was a little turned off by all the groaning and liquid mess. After a while he asked me to take him back to his room. The next morning he greeted me with a huge smile and said "that sure was something last night, wasn't it." I couldn't have agreed more.

Jerome's initiative surprised me, and his imagination seemed to surpass mine at times. He was so willing to try anything, although he never volunteered to suck my cock and I never insisted. I am now sure that if I had been a little more forceful, he probably would have ended up tasting some of my cum.

Unfortunately, when I was 16 years old, I was not sophisticated enough to think of sucking his ass and trying to jab my tongue up his hole.

These late night sessions occurred whenever he stayed over, which was pretty often, and we miraculously never got caught. (I didn't start getting caught by my parents - or my uncle - until after I returned to the US. My good fortune of meeting Jerome gave me a dangerous sense of confidence and security.)

For the next six months, up until the time I went home, we fucked around dozens of times. This doesn't include those occasions when he sat on my lap during day visits and I felt him up through his pants or the brief moments in the back yard when I stuck my hand down his underwear.

I took some photos of Jerome in all sorts of positions and poses: hard, soft, standing up, lying down in bed. I was embarrassed to pick them up from the developer's but not stupid enough to leave them there. And as this was the mid-1970's, a blind eye was still turned on such pictures.

For a couple of years I wrote him and would drop hints about our past activity and how much I missed him. But he was not a letter writer and eventually ended up failing the 8th grade three times and then dropping out of school all together when he was 16.

We never did anything again after that. An opportunity did present itself when he was 20. He came to visit California and stayed with me for a few weeks. I showed him the photo of us sleeping together in bed, which made him laugh. I didn't dare show him the other photos (destroyed in a fit of paranoia in the mid 1980's). No allusion was ever made to our year of sex.

One night just before he left, we smoked some dope and rented a straight porn movie. When we were both pretty well wasted, he decided to take off his jeans, saying that it would be more comfortable to watch the film. I couldn't help but see his hard dick flex beneath his boxers - it looked like it could have been bigger than mine. Like an idiot, I didn't do anything to take advantage of the situation. The dope made me too paranoid to act. Taking off one's pants seems like such an obvious green light. This remains one of those moments in my life when I look back and could kick myself.

He is now 35 years old and has long lost his appeal. He is married and has two young sons. I occasionally run into him when I visit my former host family. He is never uncomfortable around me and seems genuinely happy to see me.

Jerome grew up in an upper middle class environment with very good and loving parents. He was never one of the "victims" decried by the media, i.e. one of those boys who would do anything for affection, including having sex. This is not a story of abuse. He was merely a horny pre-teen who found an even hornier American boy with whom he could express himself physically.

Next: My adventures as a Peace Corps volunteer in West Africa.